You are a magnet. You attract our kind. You have done so at least once and you will continue to do so. Again and again. There is no hope for anything else. As an empath, super empath or co-dependent you radiate with the traits which draw us to you. Hitherto you had no awareness that this was the case. You would enter a room and be oblivious to the heads that turned your way as our kind detected your presence. You would have noticed that you were receiving the attention of people, but back then you had no knowledge of who was engaging with you or why that was the case. You have several sets of traits which appeal to us. These are the empathic traits, the class traits and the special traits. It is your empathic traits which stand out most of all.

These are evident in the way that you behave, the words you say, the gestures you use and the expressions that form on your face. The way your interact with people, the way you look about a room, the way you walk, the way you sit, the place you decide to sit and so many other things indicate to us your empathic nature. In the same way that everything we do is marked with the taint of our narcissism, everything that you do is stamped with the essence of your empathic traits.

When you walk into the hunting ground of our kind, you are identified promptly as exhibiting potential. It as if you give off a fuel signature, like some kind of scent which our kind smells and recognises as soon as you come near. You once did not see the Lesser as he leant against the bar and noticed you as soon as you entered the premises, his eyes fixed on you as he observed your entrance. The Mid-Ranger would look up from where was sat and find himself drawn to you, that unmistakable essence which you give off, being picked up and identified. Both Lesser and Mid-Range would not know why they wanted to engage with you save that they felt a compulsion to do so.

This need arises in the same way that a lion knows that it is hungry and therefore it must find some prey. The Lesser and the Mid-Ranger’s antennae twitch as you the empath walk through the bar. They are alerted to your presence and then they will watch and pick up on the other indicators which tell them what you are.

The Greater sees you and knows what you are. His lascivious grin indicative of the thoughts which are running through his mind as he begins to assess your suitability. You are signalling to him who you are, that you are empathic, that fuel is passing him by and an opportunity has presented itself.

Once upon a time you were oblivious. You walked through this den of narcissistic intent, unaware of the parasitic creatures that waited to climb down from their waiting perches so that they could engage with you, coil about you and draw you into their web with their silver-tongues and charm. You just thought they were being pleasant, polite and taking an interest. You had no idea how much danger you were in as you allowed your empathic traits to shine like a beacon. Each and every day you radiated these traits, issuing a sub-conscious “come and get me” to our kind. How good it felt to receive this attention. How pleasant it was to be courted in this manner.

As our kind picked up on your empathic scent and were drawn to you, they sought additional confirmations, assessing your class traits and hopefully special traits too, through a combination of instinct and design, dependent on which school of narcissist you had engaged with.

You do this as as easily as you inhale and exhale. Your traits are imprinted on you and they are indelible. They are part of your core and you cannot remove them. You cannot flick a switch and turn off these empathic traits. They are you. Imagine you will if some kind of glasses were created which allowed a physical representation of your empathic traits as hues of red light. If one donned those glasses and looked into this hunting ground as above, a bar perhaps, then one would see several things.

First there would be the normals who would have a slight red glow about them, indicating some empathic traits but limited in number and extent. There would be the dark and empty spaces which are where our kind lurk, the empathic traits completely devoid. Next one would see the dancing trails of scarlet and rose that signify the empath. The roaring flames of riotous red which blaze and indicate the presence of the super empath and then the supernova of bright red which is the signature of the co-dependent. As your gaze swept the room, one would see these differing hues and varying intensity, all indicative of the ever present empathic traits.

It is impossible for you to become incognito. You are unable to remove your empathic traits. You cannot switch them off and pass undetected. Accordingly, you will always stand out to our kind. You will always be identifiable, you will be seen and therefore if our kind is in the vicinity, whether physically proximate or through the accessibility of technology, we will be drawn to you. Like sharks which scent blood, like the hungry dog which smells meat, we pick you out and converge on you in anticipation of the fuel that will flow from you.

You will aways be a magnet for our kind. You have been created with empathic traits and you will always keep them. You will remain that beacon which we see and flock to. You will always attract us.

Of course you may learn to dampen down the manifestation of your empathic traits by altering some of your behaviours. Certain actions, words and gestures might be reduced, lessened and altered to reduce the extent of the empathic traits which you exhibit, but your traits always shine through and you cannot maintain this cloaking for long. It is contrary to who you are how you conduct yourself. Your empathic traitsΒ are so extensive that even when you have suffered the beasting at our hands and mouths, that when you have been drained, numbed and exhausted, the empathic traits will remain.

The empath will not shine with them as brightly and following the full horror of the devaluation and discard,t he empath will not function with such an obvious display of empathic traits because the brutality of the treatment will cause some diminution in function and display.

The super empath will continue to display these empathic traits because this person has the capacity to endure so much and then still have sufficient function to escape what has happened, once there is the eventual realisation as to what has happened. Once the super empath has had enough, they will seek their escape and their empathic traits continue to shine brightly.

The co-dependent, no matter how brow-beaten, how ground into the dirt he or she is, will continue to exhibit those empathic traits because the co-dependent would rather give you his or her last breath rather than take it for themselves. They continue to give, even when there seems there is nothing more that can be taken and thus their empathic traits remain on display.

This is why it is so often the case that you are almost passed from one of our kind to another. You are discarded but your empathic traits remain evident and thus another of our kind flocks to you, ready to gorge on the fuel which is generated by your empathic traits. Even if you escape, you continue to signal your suitability to us. You are unable to do anything other than stand out in this way.

It is only when you have gained the insight and understanding into knowing who it is that you keep attracting and why, that you finally learn what to watch out for. You cannot change what you are, indeed, why should you? What you can alter is your ability to identify us when we make that bee-line for you. As you radiate empathic traits, we also exhibit the narcissistic traits which once understood and once recognised in the behaviour of the everyday, mean you finally see and take notice of the red flags, flashing lights and blaring klaxons which herald this danger.

You will always be destined to be a magnet for us. That will never change. We will flock to you, be attracted to you and seek you out, our instincts seeking that scent of the empath which tells us that our needs will be met and fuel will be provided.

You will draw our interest and attention because the empathic traits flow from you. You will, once you gain the knowledge and understanding, know who it is who has joined you at the bar and flashed you that winning smile and then you can the seize the power.

235 thoughts on “NarcMagnet

  1. Maria says:

    My embedded signature.

  2. Dear HG and Everybody else,

    I want to thank all of you for providing my weekly dose of chaos. It has been a hard time coming across any as I am no contact with every Narcissist in my life. I have a husband who truly loves me and will not fulfill my internal desire for walking on eggshells, feeling fear, doing everything perfect and my everday toss up of who I am supposed to be. Thank you all for if I had not stumbled upon all this crazy talk and arguing, I do not know how I would reach my quota. HG as always you lead in calm and go out in a whirlwind of chaos. You never disappoint. This is why I stay. I am soothed by chaotic interchanges. It makes me feel like I am back in mom and dad’s arms. Uh no, they never held me, so back at home but not really a home. Keep up the good work everyone. HG You know how to make my heart race. πŸ’™ *deep breathe out. Light cigarette * (oh wait, I don’t smoke) and that was not flirtatious. The real flirting goes on back channel πŸ˜‰πŸ˜—

    1. Sarabella says:

      Man, what a cat fight! lol

      Anna Belle Black

      I much prefer HG over BE, the ugly pride thing is what ruins it for me. But for how sick she is? sickness is only relative. What I have learned, is that in some ways, anything can go in life. People want to play on this level, well, whatever floats your boat. You will always find someone willing to hop on board. Only there really isn’t anything so unique and fascinating about it all when you get to understand how it all works. Took me a long time, but I get it and am still getting it.

      So big deal, you are all master manipulators (not players, just manipulators). Snooze… you do your damage, run your little circus but once someone gets it, it is predictable. It really is. Just as we may be predictable. That you can ensnare someone into this might seem so phenomenal, and it is so effective, it is, but really, after a while, big deal. You are only using human nature against itself but you did not invent human nature. So there isn’t anything that amazing to it in the end. I think the power some feel being able to tweak human nature like this, to turn someone against their own selves (this is the great pain in the end) is confused with having inventing it. What is so admirable about a bully? That is all that it is at its core. Abusive, bullies with lipstick.

      I find beauty in nature far more admirable than humans, always have, because people really are more ugly than not. Now that may seem superior of me, but I have seen too much of how ugly people are (comes from extensive world travel). Except for the ones that came cloaked, once you de-cloak, I always get away and always look actually quite down upon the whole thing. I never, ever retain any sense of nostalgia and never think of you again, once it’s truly over. It’s over and done and you are all pretty much erased. Nothing is left that is so unique and pretty. But it’s not just you, but it is the whole dynamic I got trapped in that is so tragic. Its below everyone, really. It’s like the most reptilian way to live imaginable.

      Yeah, what a way to get a hit of this dynamic without having to “PLAY” with my narc anymore! lol This is MUCH safer. He is almost entirely erased so if I ever want to live vicariously in Narc hell, I will seek out these kinds of posts/reminders! lol

      Keep at it Anna…. I know it is worth it, even if its predictable, stable and boring at times. I sometimes get that way, too. But if you ever want to shake things up, start debating politics or something to create that antagonism… Go travel to somewhere extreme where life is nothing like what you know. Shake up your own life routine but without dancing with abusers. When I am 80 and dying, I never want to look back and say, boy, I sure showed that narc when I told him off. I want to look back and say, I escaped that narc and look at what a beautiful, peaceful life I built, even it it wasn’t always so perfect, seemed boring at times or a let down in it’s predictability.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        An interesting post with force.

      2. Bloody Elemental says:

        Sadly, Sarabella, this “pride” thing you speak of is one of the defining characteristics of our kind (narc, socio, psycho). You find it more palatable coming from HG because he is a man you admire and are grateful to for the work he is doing here.

        You find it sickening coming from me because, in your mind, I am not doing anything to help you (nor am I interested in doing anything to help you as that is not my goal in this life). I also wonder if you find it sickening because I am not part of the “Sisterhood of the Travelling Em-pants” and thus, perhaps you view me as a bit of a traitor to womankind, most specifically, empathic women.

        I have been accused by a few people of touting my own awesomeness in posts here, but I do not view that as being the case. I have touted HG’s greatness, and the greatness of our kind in general. I have answered questions when asked and offered my perspective when asked. Never once did I say I was a Greater anything or the sort.

        I do not want to speak for ABB, but I do not think she was speaking about me – if she was, she would probably address me outright and “to my face” so to speak, since we have had words before.

        You are entitled to your opinion of me, no matter how sophomoric it is.

        I am not sick. Far from it. I am quite healthy in fact.

      3. Sarabella says:


        I was understanding alot of things about what happened to me from a friend, from online, from reading alot of literature. But being the empath I am, I needed to understand more and I was missing some pieces. It wasn’t enough to say I am everything your kind can’t be, or it was the great empath/narc dance. WHY? I needed to know more about the deeper psychological reasons why it worked to begin with and what was it about me that made it work. And why it kept on (even though at the end, I was the only one ‘hoovering’).

        “My narc” should be in jail, if he lived where laws had any meaning. I can only pray that you are not someone who targets underage girls, kids. Even 18 year olds are kids, even if legal. They are inherently vulnerable due to the fact that they believe they know so much about life but they are pure babies. This was the one most painful thing to learn about what my narc was really up to. It will always be the thing that will hurt the most. All that hurt he brought to my life, all for someone whose proprietorial nature knew truly no limits.

        But I was battling my own empath demons and you shed the light on it in a way that I haven’t read anywhere. Talking about who I am is not ‘blaming the victim’ but understand why I was victimized. A very critical distinction and sorely lacking online.

        My life will always be better than his. How could he ever really like himself, in the end? But he had brainwashed me on so many levels to believe he was someone special. I wanted to know how he did that and why did I buy it all?

        So thank you. The greatest value you are adding to the literature on this sad human experience is for people to understand really what it means to be an empath from the point of view of a narc. Being empathic is not a very good reality when you were never able to protect yourself, not only at home, but in the world as a child, when no one explained that being an empath or highly sensitive was not a defect. But you needed to be taught extra skills to protect one’s self. And the new age/spiritual literature and perspective does alot of further damage when an empath looks around for help. You are victimized even more in many ways. You are further crippled from feeling and expressing the anger and self-defense response needed to break the bonds. You are not allowed to ever point fingers, that would not be spiritual enough.

      4. sarabella says:

        Bloody Elemental

        No, there is nothing I ‘admire’ about HG. You mistake me for someone I am not. I appreciate his unemotional presentation of a few missing pieces to the puzzle. His pride is ‘dry’, at least on paper and so it makes the info accessible to me. Yours is too much like the ugly narc who prides himself in being a master player. But you know how ugly he is? He is a criminal, truly. If pride and this disorder leads to what know he does, and has done, thank you, but no thanks.

        Anyway, I rarely admire people. Its just the way I am. I am ‘sucking HG dry’ for what I need, and then as expressed above by someone else, I, too, will move on on my own life’s path. Meant in no ill will, HG. I have known since a very, very young age how ugly too many people are inside. It takes alot for me to admire anyone.

        As for a traitor to ‘my kind’? Lol


        I don’t identify with any ‘kind’. I do appreciate the perspective here on the blog on empaths or sensitive people. In a post HG didn’t publish, I said I appreciate that this is his greatest contribution to this information/literature. It addresses the missing pieces I had. So I appreciate it, but don’t confuse that with admiration.

        And like I said above, sick is relative. It all works in your world. Health becomes quite relative sometimes. My mom thinks she is quite well, but my stories of her behavior horrify people. Her pride will never let her ‘see’. Clarity of one’s motivations and nature is not necessarily indicative of health.

        I liked Anna’s post. It rang a real bell for me and she wasn’t reacting, I don’t think, to your posts alone, but to the whole energy of the exchanges. Maybe I am wrong, but that is how I read it. Such anxiety and drama it provokes, especially when you know the stereotyped nature of the participants.

    2. Sarabella says:

      PS Anna… I

      mixed alot of references in my post. The “you’s were often to the bigger “you Narc”, not you in particular. But we talked in another post, about our own childhood abuse and how we reacted. stability, calm, peace are alien states of being to us. But I know it is work retraining our brains and psyches to tolerate and accept peace.

  3. To everyone who finds my posts offensive………………
    My opinion is that on some level you know what I say is true. But you are having fun flirting with MR TUDOR and you wish remain in the delusion that you are rubbing elbows with a learned charming socialite who cares to flirt back and cares about you and your posts. MY POSTS INTERFERE WITH THis REVERIE BY INTRODUCING A PESKY THING CALLED REALITY. That is why you keep harping on subjective topics such as my perceived anger. Its safer because it cannot be proven or disproven. But if you were to debate me on the ACTUAL and SPECIFIC things I have said u will find that what I have said is just a regurgitation of the information Mr Tudor has bestowed upon us. And the Times that I gave my opinion I prefaced it as exactly that…. MY OPINION.

    1. Love says:

      I hear you Super and I appreciate your opinion. But it doesn’t change how I feel about Mr. Tudor. ❀
      If he wasn’t here, I would HAVE to find another narc to worship. And given my track record, it would most likely be a lesser or mid at best. So in reality, I’m actually doing good by being starstruck over Mr. Tudor. I could have done much worse.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Youre thinking highly of yourself if you think you could ever interfere with my “reverie” lol. I dont give anyone that kind of power. And its hard to believe youre delivering reality when you come dancing in banging on a tin pot (I see Steve Martin in The Jerk) so loud that I cant even hear the other voices in my head. Im not in love with or scared of Tudor and no offence (you always know when someone says that or with all due respect none is coming lol) but if youre going to just “regurgitate” what he says, Id rather hear it from the horses….er….mouth. I look around here to see who is crazier than me and so far youre winning-I cant have that. I also like to have a laugh, hear peoples stories, and learn. Not that you care but I had high hopes for you and youre failling me miserably in those 3 things. I already know about Tudor-why dont you tell me your story? Seriously Id love to hear it.

    3. ME says:

      Of course it’s your opinion but opinions can be transmitted to the reader in many forms and yours isn’t calm or neutral, you are obviously altered or at least that’s what your words show. I don’t feel offended at all by what you say, I’m just giving my own opinion too so you stop lecturing me and other readers and stop getting rejected by the rest as it looks like it bothers you. We all know the writer here is a despicable individual, you’re not Cassandra seeing the truth and crying it out for us the blind. I personally wish narcissism didn’t exist and they would all drop dead in a go, but it’s not the case, so, since we have to deal with them I will take advantage and read Hg’s stuff as long as it suits me. I thank him for sharing his cruelty? Of course, I am polite and I recognise the others work and achievements, that doesn’t mean I would marry him tomorrow.
      If you allow me my honest opinion, I think these interactions are not benefiting you. Maybe it’s too soon to face a narc. Maybe you should heel a bit and frecuent victims blogs before you read this cause I understand it’s very hard to see all the ass kissing when you identify him with the one who caused so much harm. Just bare in mind the people you criticise for praising HG have suffered as much as you have and have been able to put that aside and maybe even joke about their misery. They don’t need your finger pointed at them saying they are fools. Anyway I really hope you don’t erupt at my message again, I have no intention to keep replying as I think our opinions are very clear.
      Take care😊

      1. ME says:

        By the way, before you correct some of my typing errors as I saw you did with another persons comment I may add I’m writing quickly and the autocorrect sometimes changes words and can’t be edited when posted;)

    4. Bloody Elemental says:


      How is it possible for you to give anyone here a dose of reality when you clearly have no concept of it?

      Of course you are entitled to your opinion, but it would be nice if it was not so bloody redundant and boring.

      And before you ask (you classy broad you), no I am not on my period.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Hi. Glad to see you around. I have wondered of late on many of the posts what your take would be. From both a female perspective and also not coming from an abusive background ( in the traditional sense). Pardon me if that is not true as I dont know much of your background, but Im sure that I read you were treated well. Favored actually. I do not know your sexual orientation and it is none of my business but it affects a question that comes to me. So here goes and I of course understand if it crosses boundaries. In both female and male N fuel gathering I can see that the positive can be similar but I wondered about the negative. As men are less prone to emotional displays as bursting into tears and some will not even raise their voice, what reaction are you looking for in negative fuel? Im at work and saw you commented so wanted to ask while you were hopefully still on. Hope that question made sense if you feel so inclined to answer. Thanks

      2. Bloody, you wrote to Super:
        “And before you ask (you classy broad you), no I am not on my period.”
        Lol!! A commenter here on the blog asked the exact same question to another commenter a few wks ago!!
        Was it towards you? I can’t remember.

        1. Bloody Elemental says:

          Yes it was me.

      3. Bloody Elemental says:

        Hello NarcAngel,

        I answered a question about my “history” on a previous post, but I do not remember which post it was at the moment. I was not abused though some might view my upbringing as a form of abuse, since I was schooled by the various sociopaths and psychopaths in my family. My state of being is a mix of genetics and environment (numerous tests throughout my life have confirmed the genetic factor).

        I am sexually fluid. My sexual orientation changes as it suits me. I enjoy both women and men, but I would choose a man if I was to have a “steady” primary. If I were ever to marry, I would marry a man, not a woman.

        I often have a man and a woman in my life at the same time as the possibilities for triangulation are absolutely endless and delicious. I make a point of ensuring they meet one another at some point because I delight in watching them compete for my affections, which is something they will often engage in even before I get the chance to instigate.

        I adore positive fuel. I adore that people love me, admire me, look up to me, want to be like me. I adore that both men and women fall all over themselves for me. They want to be with me. They need to be with me.

        As HG has stated so eloquently in this space a number of times, we feel powerful when we are adored and admired, but we feel especially so when we reduce someone to an incoherent, sobbing, raging, mess (I realize that sounds especially harsh, but I am not one to mince words and this is not anything that has not already been said by HG).

        I have had both men and women on their knees in front of me begging me not to leave. Shouting that their lives will have no meaning without me in it. Screaming that they cannot believe how cold and heartless I am, all while promising to change, to be what I want them to be, etc.

        I get what most of you would call a “sick” satisfaction out of hurting others, reducing them to tears, watching them spiral out of control as a result of my words and actions, making them feel inadequate and most of all, guilty for forcing me to unleash my malice upon them.

        Criticism wounds me and most often it ignites my fury. Those who have experienced my fury would be quick to tell you they wish they had never met me; it is when I am infuriated that I aim to inflict maximum damage by whatever means necessary.

        Typically, I have found I am more likely to get copious amounts of positive fuel from men since their end game is usually to have me look favourably enough upon them to allow them the chance to sleep with me. Women (outside those I seduce and sleep with) feel the need to compete with me out of jealousy and most end up hating me once they realize competing with me is futile.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Thank you for responding in the way I most prefer-blunt and honest. I make no such judgement of “sick” in your method of satisfaction and see the draw in having two people competing for your affection, but what a dynamic in having both the sexes involved. I have experienced that in inner circle relationships but not in the sexual arena. I have to say it appeals. Men are easily manipulated with sex and I assumed easy marks for the positive fuel but women typically provide more drama, competitiveness, and jealousy so I can see them delivering more of the negative so you really have the best of both worlds. Interesting and powerful. Thank you.

        2. Snow White says:

          Hello BE,
          I have always enjoy reading your honest and informing posts.
          I believe you have described my ex almost perfectly.
          She could easily swap her sexual preference if it suited her needs. She loved the attention of both sexes and enjoyed the triangulation she created with me and her girlfriend. When I look back there was always her, her girlfriend, and one more in the picture.

          I respect and learn from your perspective.

      4. Bloody Elemental says:


        Your assessment is bang on. There is always a range of fuel flowing from multiple sources and so it is rare I get bored. Boredom is a big issue with me – I am in need of constant stimulation and I become bored with everything in life incredibly quickly.

        It is a game for me. I move people around and place them where I want or need them to be and I see what happens. If the end result is not what I wanted, I move them around until I get what I want.

        I know you did not say my satisfaction was “sick” but many do regard it is as such. I do not, but I am able to understand and acknowledge that many do find the way we operate to be sick and disgusting.

        I do have to make the point though, that men do provide emotional reactions, just not in the same way women do. I have brought men to tears, but more often than not, they yell, scream at and, in some cases threaten me.

        This excites me (as in it turns me on) and I do all I can to push them to the ultimate limit. I had a man so angry at me once he pinned me up against a wall and his fist was just inches from my pretty little face.

        His response, his aggression, his rage turned me on because I knew it was I who ignited this rage and fury within him. I breathlessly told him, “Do it, hit me, you know you want to. Hit me and see what happens.”

        He told me later he never, ever in his life imagined he would ever consider hitting a woman but in that instant, he wanted to kill me. He said it frightened him that I was able to push him so far over the edge.

        Had he hit me, he would have left physical evidence on my person that I would have most definitely used against him.

        As for women who are jealous of me and throw shade at me because of it, it makes me feel very powerful to know that they despise me so much because of my superiority. I am smarter, fitter, thinner, wealthier, more successful, and these women are so bothered by it that they actually obsess over me and how much they hate me.

        For our kind, any attention is good attention.

      5. Bloody Elemental says:

        Snow White,

        It is as HG has said before, we will be who we need to be in order to maximize our impact on those we come in contact with. We are constantly changing, always reinventing ourselves, always shedding one skin in favour of another. Many could learn from our adaptability, in fact.

        That being said, I am attracted to women anyway, so it is not as though I have to “fake it” for lack of a better word, when it comes to sexual preference.

        1. Snow White says:

          Hi BE,
          I liked your shedding of skin reference. It makes perfect sense to me.
          And ironic she has a pet snake and I can’t believe she got me to hold it. I have a picture of it wrapped around me. Ohhh the things I did. I guess I can think of it as my Britney Spears moment. Lol

          It was liberating and a relief to find this site. It validated everything for me. I needed to find others that had the same experience as I had and think the way I do. It seems like you also have found that here with HG.

          You are one strong, independent woman who knows what she needs. You do empower me even though you would intimidate me if I met you. Lol

          1. indiglowsky says:

            Hi Snow,
            I have to second your sentiments about BE. I love her raw power and I’d likely pee my panties if she went full BE on me. I respect her like a wild cougar 😊

          2. Snow White says:

            Yup Indy,
            I would be one of those women in tears on my knees. πŸ˜‚
            That kind of intensity was something I was addicted too. Or (spice) lol

      6. Bloody Elemental says:

        Snow, Indy:

        I am here because it is like being inside my own mind. HG is the epitome of the greatness of our kind and I most certainly do respect and admire him.

        I appreciate your kind sentiments.

        You are correct that I am not full-on Bloody here and that is because I have placed certain restrictions on myself so that I may be able to interact with you all in a respectful manner.

        Mostly it is not too much of a challenge to keep myself in check as there are many here whom I do enjoy interacting with because I find them interesting, engaging and intelligent. If we met in real life, you would genuinely like me and you would like being around me, just as I am certain I would enjoy your company for many varied reasons.

        The others simply feel the need to try to project their own shortcomings and frailty of character onto me and while it is annoying because it demonstrates total lack of self-awareness and intelligence, I mostly find it quite amusing.

        Let me say as well that I appreciate both of you for accepting my presence here, asking questions when and if you want my perspective as a female with antisocial personality disorder, and interacting with me in a thoughtful and constructive manner.

  4. please don’t tell me my cute sarcasm escaped your razor sharp perceptions MR TUDOR. I shall fall over backwards in dismay.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Wait, you mean, you didn’t mean those things? This sounds familiar…..

      1. Lol. Touche Mr Tudor.

  5. Twilight says:

    Well HG Cerimonal sacrifices and daggers, you letting another do your writing and lazy what’s next you having recordings for your consultations.
    sorry I am laughing at the absurdity of this
    Well maybe you do have a sacrificial alter and a dagger (figuratively speaking) but your writings and lazy

    1. Furthermore, I have absolutely zero interest in the reactions HG TUDOR may, or may not have, to my posts. It supremely unimportant me.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        But of course not, by having zero interest in my reactions you have been able to assess me as “kindly, generous, oh so polite, self-sacrificing, cute, fuzzy” . Quite the skill you have there.

      2. flickatina says:

        So why are you here?

        1. Why am I here? Because it amuses me and because you want me to go away. And because everyone entitled to MY OPINION. Hahahaha

  6. What I meant to say was HG TUDOR SACRIFICES NOTHING FOR NOBODY. EVER!!!! . and you can take that to the bank.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      So what’s this altar and ceremonial dagger for?

      1. Love says:

        I would offer myself as the virgin sacrifice but πŸ˜‚ well you know … πŸ˜‚

      2. Flickatina says:

        Is the ceremonial dagger a euphemism?

        On the rare occasion I have been out at night, I never get approached. I have always considered this to be because I am unattractive. I have been told I am unapproachable, scary and such… why would I suddenly be a target?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha no it is not. If it was, it would surely be a longsword, no?

          It depends where you are going, who else is there and your demeanour may shroud your empathic nature to many but not all.

      3. Love says:

        A longsword! Lololol! How about a machete? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
        Apologies if you were just speaking weaponry and I interjected with my dirty thoughts!

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Well Im sure they do consider it weaponry but Ive yet to see anything that I thought might endanger my life.

      4. Love says:

        Lol NarcAngel, take a trip down to certain countries and you might become fearful. Some parts of the world are known for their weaponry. πŸ˜‰

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Well so far Im safe in Narcopolis. A lot of threat (promises) but no threat of injury to date. Although I suppose even Silly Putty has a warning, and that would be applicable in some cases.

      5. Flickatina says:

        I was thinking more of a thrusting weapon such as a tuck.

        LOVE – you are not the only one with your mind in the gutter

    2. NarcAngel says:

      I dont know about avatars but theres an emoticon that looks like a little shit. Maybe use that one to warn us when youre going to take one lol.

      1. NA. LOL. that was a horrible thing say!!! But funny nonetheless.

        I just can’t imagine why anyone would take offense to my comments. Honestly who cares what think?? And all this unsolicited advice about whether or not I should be angry. Who cares if I’m angry?? (and usually my posts have very little to do with my personal feelings) I mean good heavens, why would anyone wish to control anyone else’s state of mind on a blog site? It is beyond my comprehension. It all seems rather pointless. If you don’t agree with me great, fine. But you cannot censor my state of mind. Or more accurately, you can’t censor your faulty perception of my state of mind.

    3. ME says:

      I haven’t read him saying he’s a saint and he’s sacrificing anything for us… quite the contrary he admits he was forced into treatment, his interaction with us has its benefits and he obviously loves the popularity and the asskissing (pardon me) on this media. So I honestly think he doesn’t fool us, maybe you underestimate us thinking we fool ourselves but maybe you are confusing being grateful for the insight he provides and being polite (just as he is) with being dumb. You should take this as what it is, take the positive and don’t get angry:) if it benefits you great, if you can’t stand it cause you are hurt it’s understandable, but no need to get angry or treat the readers as brainwashed morons. We all know what we are dealing with:)

      1. ME says:

        And by the way, supernovamagnet, you should be aware your little rants feed him and please him more than all the love pathetic (meaning literally from pathos, mean no offence) declarations he may be reading here;)

      2. You mistake my “little rants” as anger. Actually, my “little rants” are merely my “little opinion” based on the facts that have been pointed out by the kindly, generous, oh so polite, self sacrificing, cute fuzzy HG TUDOR

      3. AND……….lol……….in my little opinion, any individual who, after reading HG TUDOR’s rhetoric, comes up with the notion that he (TUDOR) is even CAPABLE of self sacrifice for another human being is…………………………………………………eh hem…………………intellectually challenged.

  7. Does anyone know how to change my avatar on this site? I want an avatar more befitting of me. Like an atomic cloud or something of that ilk. Hahahahahaha

  8. Twilight says:

    Narc bingo Love that is funny!
    Might just have played this weekend if it wasn’t for the fact I am heading to an ocean view tonight to get away from those I have spent to much time with lately!

    1. Love says:

      That sounds beautiful. I would take the ocean over narcs any day. Have an amazing time!

      1. Twilight says:

        It was amazing Love I have some beautiful pictures of the sunrise, I was in need of some serious recharging. I will say my walks on the beach at 3 in the morning were a tad chilly yet very refreshing. Best thing not a single soul around. For me that is silence.

  9. Take care supernovamagnate.

  10. Supernovamagnate, i am sorry for everything you’ve been through. Healing takes time, but being on this blog helps immensely. As for pple kissing up to HG, i will re-post what i wrote in another article:

    HG gets very little fuel here from interacting remotely with strangers. Yet he makes time from his very busy schedule for us (he also has a day job/career), when he could be out in the real world gaining potent fuel. He answers all questions, free of charge, and in a polite and courteous manner.
    I doubt he gains much monetarily from his books either because they are very affordable. I remember paying $4.99 for one book, when i would have been happy to pay $49.99. There is a wealth of information laid out in a systematic manner therein. He puts much effort into his writings to make it easy for us to understand.
    If he wishes, he need not reply to all comments, especially because some of the questions are so repetitive. But he always does, very patiently and in detail.
    He sacrifices his sleep (he is 6 hrs ahead of u.s.a. EST) to moderate and post comments to keep the conversation flowing.
    He admits that he learns from us here as well. He incorporates what we feel, with the narcissistic view, and writes about it. He is becoming more self-aware. Even though he was forced into treatment, he is fully dedicated in learning about his development, and his writing helps him to achieve this. I do not see too many narcs who willingly try to become more self-aware.
    I do not agree with his malign nature in the real world. But keep in mind that he suffered alot in his childhood including sexual abuse, and that innocent child knew nothing at the time, other than to abandon his very own soul. It was a defense mechanism. As a result, his many emotions such as happiness, sadness, fear, embarrassment, empathy, love, and self identity were also abandoned.
    I am relieved he doesn’t harm, hurt, abuse, neglect, or abandon children.
    Many narcs impregnate their gf’s then abandon her and the baby. HG CHOOSES not to do so, and not to have children. HG is not physically violent, like the lesser narcs are. He utilizes self control.
    Depending on the duration of your relationship with your narc, the amount of abuse you suffered, whether children were involved, whether he stripped you financially, whether you suffered from property damage, whether you were married to him, whether he abandoned the children etc. – all these factors come into play and determine your level of anger and upset. Some of us have not suffered so much compared to others. For eg. Jarwithaheavylid became pregnant and her narc abandoned them, if my memory serves me correctly. Dawn has been with her narc for 15 yrs and he recently abandoned her and her family. I had been with mine for 2.5 yrs and he was not malign, never used physical violence, never took a penny frm me, no children involved, we were not married, he helped me with housework all the time etc. But he would become silent after intimacy, and re-schedule our meetings which gave me ptsd. So it really depends on the person’s experience how they feel about narcs. Also, psychologically speaking, some pple tend to form a slight attachment to the person that is helping him/her. That is why you will see many thank you’s towards HG.

    1. PTSDBLAHBLAH. THE ONLY WORD THAT COMES TO MIND AFTER READING THAT DISSERTATION IS “hogwash” pffffft. HG sacrificing for us and toiling away so that we may have the pearls of wisdom issued forth from his mouth and HG losing sleep that he may be polite or whatever other nonsense you’re pontificating is PURE UNADULTERATED BULLSHIT. Evidently you should read a little more about what a malignant psychopathic narcissist is. Get off the gas, for real. !!!

      1. Supernovamagnate, HG has no intention of sacrificing for us, because he is a narc who does not care. He readily claims this. But the nature of his work is such that he does end up sacrificing his time and effort. The negligible monetary gain, small amounts of fuel, and growing fame which result from his writing do not equal the amount of energy he puts into it. What we gain from him exceeds what he gains from us. Thank you and take care.

        1. Dear, darling, sweet PTSDafterthefact. HG TUDOR SACRIFICES NOTHING NOBODY. period.

          1. Super, like i said earlier, HG doesn’t claim to sacrifice for us, but it ends up happening nevertheless. He even sneaks away frm his gf to moderate. ☺️☺️☺️
            Sweet for us, not sweet for her!

        2. Oh And PTSD? I seriously doubt this maniac HG TUDOR does all this writing himself. I spy different styles of writing in his plethora of posts. Unlikely its all written by him. These creatures are notoriously lazy. Have

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Well Charlie Big Bananas you have got that wrong. All the writing is my work. Lazy is never a word which has been directed at me.

          2. NarcAngel says:

            Well Charlie Big Bananas DOES seem a departure from your usual prose……but yes I believe you are an army of one.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Your belief is entirely correct NA.

          4. Super, I disagree with you. There is much continuity in HG’s writing. And what he definitely is not, is lazy. Narcs are the most hard working, dedicated, productive individuals.

  11. Love thank you for your πŸ’˜ love. I’m very thankful I have this site to go to and I’m very thankful for every ones tolerance of me. I’m going to behave better. I promise. I actually called my psychiatrist yesterday and he said you all are right and chastised me for not calling sooner. Adjusted πŸ’Š medication and said I can’t just grit my teeth through this and I need to utilize my medical team.

    1. Love says:

      Super, feel free to behave bad here πŸ˜‰
      It spices things up. Like Indy says, we like to keep it spicey!
      I was looking for a jalapeno icon and found this: 🍠
      What the heck is it?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        It looks a slice of edam to me, Love.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          LOVE & HG

          It looks like a dogs lipstick to me.
          I would have thought you would say sliced salami

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Don’t be dirty !

            Not sliced thin enough.

          2. NarcAngel says:

            Ha! Dont be dirty? Guess thats the end of me here then………
            (I could swear I hear clapping).

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha, you know I’m not an animal lover, hence the comment. In all other respects do continue.

      2. Love says:

        Mr. Tudor, thank you for always educating me.
        I don’t know how we would communicate if I met you in real life.
        I would need Google attached to my wrist!
        Edam- noun – a round Dutch cheese, typically pale yellow with a red wax coating.

        1. HG Tudor says:


      3. Love says:

        Do you think a language barrier would complicate your chase/hunt? Or is fuel a universal language for you?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Never been a problem in the past.

      4. NarcAngel says:

        Do you use that name so that when HG answers you it sounds like hes using a term of affection for you?
        As in: It looks like a slice of Edam to me, Love.
        Haha. Sneaky girl.

      5. Love says:

        Sshhhhhh, NarcAngel! Quit giving away my secrets 😁
        I was about to change my nickname to YouAreTheOne.MarryMe.

      6. Hmm interesting re no language barriers.

        What about Ns are there distinct cultural differences between them?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes, there will be – flavours of narcissism.

          1. Flavours, yes I like that one HG

      7. LOVE. Hahaha. I don’t know WHAT that is. Perhaps an oblong eggplant? Very good grilled with tomato paste and herbs. 🌺

      8. Love says:

        Alexis, great question about cultural differences and narcs:
        In my experience, their level of rage varied. Ex. When comparing 2 of my lesser narcs of different cultures, one was more volatile and could be provoked much easier.

  12. ava101 says:

    Actually I’m thankful for this thread because it reminds me of how it’s my own responsibility what state my life is in.

    1. I used to believe that. And its somewhat true. But (and this is JUST FOR ME AND PURELY MY OWN OPINION SO PLEASE LETS NOT GET OUR HACKLES UP) I hold the abuser responsible for my particular state of mind at the moment. Now granted, it is up to me to do what is necessary to heal myself and I am doing that HOWEVER, there are stages that one must go through and this takes time. No amount of willing myself to be normal at this point is going to work. And I find platitudes such as “I’m responsible for the state of my life” obtuse and offensive. There are very real biochemical changes that occur when someone faces continued abuse. My neurologist says my levels of cortisol (stress hormone) are the same as someone with Cushings Syndrome. I fail to see how I’m responsible for this. Its like the people who make comments like “oh well you must have liked the abuse if you stayed so long”

      1. Debbie thank you. You helped me very much. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist and a neurologist that are helping me. I would be dead without them. I started to have seizures from PTSD and the doctors have been very helpful in educating me about the various neurological effects of trauma. It has helped me to stop thinking that the answer is to just snap out of it. And feeling weak for not being able to cope.

        You have been very kind to me. Thank you🐀

      2. Love says:

        I’m very sorry Super for your trauma. It is ok to rage, cry, and release your emotions on this site. No one will hold it against you. Most of us are empathic and can feel that you’re a good soul. That is why this site is wonderful. Mr. Tudor does not censor us. Thank you for sharing your neurological findings. Quite interesting.

      3. ava101 says:

        I have experienced most of what HG writes about. I see the pain you are in. You are not the only one. I’ve had real neurological changes, too. But it can be changed back.

  13. NarcAngel says:


    I hear you. I really do.
    I was waiting for you to finish burning the house down to tell you…… (c’mon laugh with me). You have pain and most of us have felt that pain, so we understand your not wanting him to have anything nice or kind when thats what you feel you’ve been denied. You’re angry and afraid for us, I get it, but you let fear and pain in coming to grips overtake you a bit I think?. I have been taken to task for some of my views and actions too, but we are not all at the same place in our journey. I believe he HAS experienced horror, isolation, devastation and soul murder, and he chose a coping mechanism that you do not approve of but he has offered information and a forum you can use to help with yours. You need not accept the opinions and actions of others here or HG himself but please accept that. We all good? or do I need to stand by with a bucket for any remaining burning embers? Lol.

    1. I know. Thank you for understanding. I’m in an extreme amount of pain. I know this colours every sign of life I manifest. I want so much for this never to happen to anyone else ever again. In life.

      1. Debbie says:

        Love and care to you. Sincerely. Be well and keep going. X

    2. N Angel. Also your humour is not lost on me. I do appreciate that too. You think THIS is bad, you should see my city. I’ve pretty much burned it down too. I think I started world war 3 on another blog site. I am able to laugh at myself but also its sad how abuse does not end with the abuser and the abused. Its ugly tentacles reach far beyond that. I find that to be the saddest. That I , in turn, would be disrespectful and hurtful to others is anathema to me. I am ultimately responsible for my behaviour, I get that. And I spend much of my time making amends to people, trying to explain the unexplainable. I am basically unemployable because I’m either in a rage or crying uncontrollably. No amount of will power is enough to reign myself in. I’m supposed to be going to school but I never seem to be able to face that either. I was severely physically abused as well as the psychological war he waged on me. Then my mom died and I just can’t seem to get it together. I’ve always been able to pull myself up by my bootstraps, so to speak, but its not working for this. I’m frightened by that. Very

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Haha. I can hear the sirens from here and I understand that sometimes the releasing of rage eases the pain, but its only temporary as you’ve found. The sound of those sirens though can cause anxiety and fear in others causing triggers that can hamper their healing. By doing that you also alienate others, isolating yourself and im sure thats not the effect you want. Bad enough when youre misinterpreted or someone is experiencing a bad day and having none of yours lol (im all too familiar with that). Some days its hard to laugh but try to look for the absurdity and humour. You already know rage and pain and they are not your friends. Things happened to you. To all of us. We are all different in our management of it (keep reading-I got issues babe lol) so please keep reading. Not to give HG any power (trust me-he doesn’t need ours), but to arm yourself with the hard information he provides to prevent a repeat in future. Also….maybe hold off on commenting for a bit til you stop smouldering lol. Teasing. I cant speak for everyone but Im sure most have felt as you did and understand. You can sit at my table anytime but dont piss me off or ill feed you to the wolves lol.

      2. Debbie says:


        I understand that kind of pain in respect of going through bad stuff and losing your mum..Its also terrifying when you feel unable to pick yourself up when somehow you managed before.. like often if you was going to cry you would feel a warning and steel yourself against it …sort of hold it for now, but then suddenly you find you cannot stop yourself from crying when you want to and may find you burst into tears without warning and feel embarrassed you literally cannot stop.. I went through that after the death of my mother. To be honest I did see a doctor about that and was given a short course of tablets to help with the anxiety state and believe me it did help. This is some years back. I am one of the lucky ones who had wonderful parents I loved them and they were good people..unfortunately my father was very very ill for years..died now.. a lot of my vulnerability comes from losing him and meeting a narcissist.. another story, this isn’t about me.. I am just saying I do understand .. you are going through a really difficult time although no one can really know how bad it is for you personally inside as we are all different..however we are still able to truely empathise together.. please believe that you will get through this ..these are not empty words .. have you considered possibly seeing a doctor just to help just for a temporary set of tablets to help with anxiety.. honestly I took some for a couple of months and then I didn’t have to take them anymore.. it’s just to help with the uncontrollable crying just to help you steady down a little. Not to mask but to bridge a short space of time as you move forward. There are non addictive pills.
        To be honest I could feel your pain in the anger more than the anger from your earlier posts.
        The injustice of foul and rotten behaviour is rage making.
        The response to pain is anger..
        I hope things will soon begin to turn for the better.
        Dont see the mountain in front…see and take the little daily steps..and do not be hard on yourself.. We blame ourselves all the time for everything. Lets not make the narcissist’s job easy..
        NEVER own their behaviour.
        Yes our lives are our responsibility but I will not apologise or take any blame again for when one of their kind sticks out their great big foot and trips me up!
        Ill write off here before i go off on a frenzied tangent lol.!
        Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Extra kind. Lots of little treats.
        Read more HG. Use his work..use it… Take it out there. Its a shield in the end.
        Remember…baby daily steps..
        I know you are frightened..
        I promise you, you wont always be. Help will be given. Keep believing.

        What mountain? Oh that.. climbed it without realising.

  14. NarcAngel says:

    Loved your post.
    A reminder that when you step back, this is a diverse community with varied opinions that may not always be accepted, but they are always allowed to be heard and I believe that is how we grow and heal. Despite the subject matter or delivery, you wonderfully pointed out that many of the articles showcase the empathic traits in a beautiful light (by he who does not possess them), and we should take a minute to celebrate them. He makes the information available to us to do with as we please and for this he is thanked, fawned over, mocked and vilified, but he always allows those views to be shared. We would do well to remember that regardless what he is or how we feel about him that this is his house and we are but invited guests and act accordingly.

    1. Debbie says:

      Good points you make all round. X

  15. sarabella says:

    The thing that bothers me about the playful, sexual, seductive bantering, and a point someone was making above, is that isn’t this what many of us experienced in life in our situations? I led someone to some things the Narc said, awful things which she agreed were awful, and she turns around and acts all flirty with the narc and like it was no big deal. Someone who helped me in my deepest pain, one day, turned around and fed the Narc glorious positive supply for posting pics of him and his son’s graduation when he didn’t do a thing, financially or otherwise for his 3 kids. This friend knew how psychologically abusive he was to me. Yet one say, she thought he needed encoragement and the subtle implication was because I was always fighting with him. I felt betrayed by bot women.

    And this is why ofte abusers get away with so much even when victims are crying out for help, the abuse is identified and the abuser named. We are somewhat heard but then people just act like its no big deal. They don’t want to have to do the hard work of having their reality of someone questioned and deciding what to do in their adjustment of their relationship with that person. You are repeatedly betrayed and hung out to dry. I am pulling fully away from those 2 friends. They made their acceptance of abusers, not just he said/she said type stuff, known to me. What friendship can there be after that with those two? I can’t imagine onr anymore. Trust seems sketchy now to me.

    So it feels wierd to me from that perspective.

    Its also a false confidence people are gaining. Like if they can banter with HG and draw out a response, they can somehow by proxy gain some control over their own situation. Feel more powerful. Like a false confidence booster. But IRL? Probably wouldn’t go so well.

    1. Love says:

      Sarabella, that is why I say put the knowledge you’ve gained here into practice in the real world. Mr. Tudor has provided us all the minute details of a narc. Take that education into safe social arenas and begin to identify these type of people. I agree that this forum can give you a false sense of power and over-confidence. By sheltering yourself from the real world, you’re actually doing yourself a disservice. The more isolated you are, the easier you will be conned and manipulated again, regardless of how much you have learned on this site.

  16. Debbie says:

    Wow. What a brilliant debate with valid points well made on both sides of the ‘argument’ for want of a better word.
    I totally get both views.
    … I think one of the things for engaging with HG is the clarity… as you know the confusion we feel with our own narc is more than weight on our shoulders… where we just don’t know what to think or what to do because we get so exhausted. HG comes in and he just lets us know what’s going on and I guess the rush of gratitude that you end up feeling for somebody that has just made things clear for you is kind of what it can be..feels affectionate at the time.. to me anyway.. of course you read some horrifying things that he says and you feel like kicking his ass and get really angry with him. well at least I do ! awful and monstrous…At the same time I have an opposing feeling for him because he’s cleared my mind and I gained strength..yes it was already in me but that I’d forgotten for a while..he reminded me.. when he does the posts about the sins of the empath …they are like Odes to us empaths… the fact that he points out all the wonderful beautiful qualities that we have.. who we are… it reminded me of my own qualities like having a caring and lovely friend tell you all the good things about yourself and not to Believe the Hype of the narcissist abuser. .. it’s a little bit like a double edged sword isn’t it.. as I have said to him before he is the narcissist who saved me from the narcissist. it’s all psychological as we well know.. nobody approves of abuse or of any of the horrible things that HG has done etc. No one does.πŸ‘Ž HGs answer is so observant and spot on too, as to why we all are the way we are with him, and all the different reasons that we have for engaging with him.. What an amazing set of posts ! so many different opinions and every single one of them is correct in its own right.
    Just my opinion… and onwards we all go.. working in our own ways on our own selves, and we’re all going to get there! Every single one of us.. including HG…
    Peace to all of you. ⚘⚘⚘

    1. Debbie says:

      The way I see it is that we will walk along with him for a while and as the time comes for each and every one of us to move forward in a different direction.. it will be like turning off on a road and he will continue on his path.
      As he says, and as we know for ourselves, we really don’t know what we’re walking towards but we are hoping we are walking to our better selves to be the best versions of ourselves we can be with knowledge because knowledge is power and strength. Sometimes teachers we need are an unlikely source… but it does not mean they haven’t got something to teach us about ourselves and life. I believe it can only be a good thing and we will all split and go in our own directions when we are ready.. we are all here at this moment in time interacting, it may only be a few days it may be a few weeks it may much longer for some.. who knows.. When the time is right we will have all learned valuable things. I believe this for each and everyone of you, for him and for myself. God bless you all x… ps HG I do hope you add this to my previous post or don’t put it in as it won’t make sense..Thanks.

      1. sarabella says:

        Debbie, yes.

  17. NarcAngel says:

    MR Somatic with some victim plays ie: bdsm. Im dirty little secret who ditched him when he was devaluing me. He hoovered and I ignored for some time until I allowed brief conversations in which I was matter of fact and brief (no emotion) but on occasion would wound with intent because I dont care and to see what he would do. He would answer for example: True. How did you find that out (i would not answer). Recently he texted me: Youve been busting my balls lately and deserved or not I cant have it. Return to being the amazing woman you are and dispense with the other. He knows that he is likely to be wounded and yet he still hoovers. I thought as a mid-range he would not want to risk wounding and go elsewhere. Why is he being so persistent? Even more so than others Ive had?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello NA,

      1. Are you sure he is a MR?
      2. Assuming yes, then he is possibly gaining fuel elsewhere which is powering his hoovering of you or your accessibility and the potential fuel on offer (from before) is outweighing the risk of no fuel/wounding.

      How long has the hoovering been going on for? Were you his primary source?

      1. NarcAngel says:

        He fits the MR Som except for the bdsm which he does submit to and not lightly. He was relentless in love bombing and only after about 14 mths did he show devaluation tactics so I beat him to the punch. I did give intermittent praise and adoration and then would criticize and wound. He has consistently returned since April last year (weekly or more) save for Oct to Dec when I assumed he had moved on. Then he returned around Christmas/New Yrs. saying he misses me (uh huh). The ball busting message was lately. I assume he is just trying to gain control? Is he willing to risk the wounding for the bdsm aspect? He is married so I assume Im not the primary but he did say previous that I am his first choice always but he cant screw up his life and career as hes divorced once already (sure sure). I thought hed be long gone as the wounding involves deep cuts to his ego.

      2. Love says:

        NarcAngel, are you a dominatrix???
        If so, why have you been holding that secret, woman???
        Inquiring minds want to know!
        Mr. Tudor wouldn’t share any info about his dominatrix (and I seriously doubt he ever submitted).
        Please write about your experience. The title should be:
        The Dominatrix and Her Narc

        1. NarcAngel says:

          The focus of the blog is narcissism and HG so I try to keep any stories of experience and questioning in that vein (as a child victim and as an adult volunteer). Sex does play a big part in a lot of N relationships for very different reasons. I would say I am dominant in all of my relationships (sexual and non) but more in some sexually than others. Having this at the forefront can also alter how some people will accept or interpret information exchanged with me which should not be the case. I can assure you there are a lot of N posers claiming to want dominated that are flushed out quickly but there are also some who do submit. Sometimes to a surprising degree. Ordering them to get down and kiss my ring when I am not wearing any jewellry is a good start with finding out who is serious lol.

        2. Snow White says:

          Glad you asked Love!! Lol
          I was wondering myself. πŸ˜‰

          And I am never ever bothered by your flirting or your friendly exchanges.
          I enjoy your comments. πŸ’™πŸ’œπŸ’›β€οΈοΈ
          I need the laughter.

        3. NarcAngel says:

          Well if he didnt share, how do you know about her? I can see our adored host entering into it for reasons of amusement, reaction, and information but if he participated at all I’m sure it would result in a lot of topping from the bottom and end quickly. Now Trump? I can see him submitting ALL DAY LONG despite his demeanour.

      3. Love says:

        Ooooooh you naughty naughty girl! I love it!!!
        Maybe you and Mr. Tudor can collaborate and write a book about BDSM and narcissism.
        A his and her point of view. πŸ’—

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Oh dear Love you are so funny!
          First you said COLLABORATE, and THEN alluded to the fact that there may be more than one point of view? Have you learned nothing in your time here?! Its really not my place to order you, but I suggest you start the long walk to the naughty bench. Tell SUPERNOVAMAGNATE I said hi.

      4. Love says:

        Wait what? Super is in the Tudor slammer? Na ah! I didn’t see her the night I was hauled in there by the riot police. Now that you mention it, I haven’t heard from her in a few days.

        Mr. Tudor, would you consider a collaboration? You’ve done a few reader submissions.
        What about a Red Shoe Diaries version? Our naughtiest narc story?

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Re:Supernm and the naughty step.

          I dont know for sure, I just guessed when I didnt see her around. I suppose we’d hear her loudly banging her pots if she was lol. Maybe we should check the moat.
          Btw-I wasnt backhanding you in a previous post. I explained but it got caught up in moderation. I dont know how our little machine is keeping up with the onslaught as it is. I am considering staying off blog for a bit to aid in freeing up time moderating my numerous and mostly ill received comments lol so he can concentrate on the books. So im sure I neednt be adding anymore stories. I cant tell you how many times I have pictured you hanging from the staircase while on edibles and it has made me laugh.

      5. Love says:

        NarcAngel don’t you dare leave!!!
        I love your jokes and viewpoint! Without you, we would become the Joy Luck Club. Lol ever see that movie? Don’t! πŸ˜ƒ
        Mr. Tudor is a sexy beast. He can handle all our comments. And was that a YES Mr. Tudor? You want us to send you our naughty narc experiences? Great!
        I even selected a favorite story – and you know that’s not easy having to clean out the cobwebs and crank the wheel in my head. My cup runneth over.

      6. Love says:

        “Topping from the bottom”. God, you are brilliant NarcAngel! This is why we need you here. LMAO about The Donald submitting all day long! Very interesting! How can you tell?

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Just a hunch. Now theres a man just barely holding the facade together now that the global spotlight is on him. Some would say hes not. The only way for some powerful men to take the weight off is to symbolically relinquish power through “play” temporarily, and as I have said before-will participate in activities they would otherwise not admit to under the guise of pleasing (being ordered by) someone else. Thus absolving them of any responsibilty. Sexual blame shifting lol. Also- look at ole “Sucks Lemons” face standing next to him there lol. Ivana was his Mommy and insulator in phase 1, Marla an experiment and failure in a short phase 2, and now Melania in the power (someone stand up to me symbolically) phase 3. Thats just my view though of his intimate partners.

      7. Love says:

        Sexual blame shifting! Lol yes, that makes perfect sense.

  18. HG I’m replying to your comment saying people are unaware of what you’re doing and that is why you are able to go undetected. Yes. True. I am specifically referring to people on this site that have read what you are and what you do. THESE are the people I’m referring to. They have the facts straight from the horses mouth. They are armed with the truth. In my opinion this should be used to shun you. Not be all cutesy and flirty with you. Don’t you agree? And yet some are more likely to attack me than you when I’m just regurgitating what you have written yourself.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Some people respond in that way because I am that which they were attracted to in their own circumstances and they have yet to address that element to their make-up.
      Some people respond in that way as they are doing it in a humorous manner, sometimes self-deprecation.
      Some people respond in that way because they feel they can because they do not know me, will never know me and they are thousands of miles apart from me.
      Some people respond in that way because they admire what I do and that is their way of showing their appreciation.
      There is little point in shunning me when I am the provider of enlightenment and useful information.
      Some may attack you because they disagree with your position.
      Some point out that I have done then no wrong personally and whilst they know what I am, they have only ever been treated courteously and provided with information and answers to their questions and therefore they are grateful or that, hence they adopt a defensive position.
      Some way regard me as a complete bastard but because they have not been harmed by me, but rather they have gleaned information that has helped them deal with their own personal situation, they are gaining.
      People express themselves in different ways and I allow this to be presented so that people can see the vast array of different responses which arise, the varying mind sets and contrasting attitudes which are as a consequence of their interaction with our kind.
      You opinion is just as valid as theirs.

      1. ava101 says:

        If it was expressed non-abusively.

      2. Why shun you? Well true. You are providing valuable information. Very true. So perhaps shunning is not the thing. I just wish they wouldn’t be so nice to you. I really do. Of course this all stems from my own personal pain. I’ve been irrevocably damaged by one of your brethren and I suppose my hackles are up. I don’t know. I just want you to know and feel (haha) the terrible damage you do. And I don’t want you to have anything nice and kind at all. I want you to feel the horror and isolation. But this is not to be. I have to accept that you and him and all of you will never know the devastation of cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding, soul murder. I have a hard time coming to grips with that.

  19. Mona says:

    Dear Supanovamagnet,

    if HG is more Psychopath than Narcissist, we will not be able to recognize him in real life, because he acts like a chameleon. If he is more Narcissist than Psychopath, we are now aware of the red flags and stay away from him.
    He gave me a lot of information about the crazy minds of Narcissists. And now I know that the strange behaviour of narcissists has nothing to do with me as a person. I am ok, he is not ok. A few years ago I often thought: I am not ok, everybody else is ok. That changed, not only because of his blog. If there was a highly risky situation and I knew that he is he, be sure, I would rescue my life first and forget him, if there was any risk for me. I think/believe he is able to change parts of him. If he lessons his malignant behaviour to his real life people, that would be a huge progress. If he would be able some day to clear some of his debts to other people, it would be a huge progress. I do not know. If he laughs about me, I do not care. I never want to be in his shoes. If he uses us to show progress and there is actually none, it is not my problem. If he uses us as a mirror and to see that people are not only black and white, it is ok for me. Maybe he manipulates us through behaving too polite to us and also through charming,and joking. Maybe this is one of the rules he obliged. Nevertheless he answers all questions. And that is ok and very helpful. I will not trust him but there is hope. He can, if he wants to. It is his decision. I know he has to give up a lot of advantages, if he changes a little bit. I always have in mind his victims. And I do use him too. I use him to reflect my own strange thoughts. I cannot do this in a forum for victims. . It is a win-win situation for me, others and him..

    1. Yes. I agree with everything you have said. I find this SITE vastly helpful. I am not criticising ANYONE for learning. I just got a little nauseas at the ass kissing as if he’s some type of hero. He’s not. He’s told us this. So I’m not saying or judging anything that has not come out of the mans own mouth.!!! And these are…….

      1. He does this blog site because its part of therapy that he was forced into.
      2. He doesn’t give a flying fig about helping anyone, his motivations in doing this are purely selfish. HE creates problems all over the world in betraying his own kind and this gives him a perverse sense of power.
      3. He is gaining fuel from all the ass kissing and attention. Interviews. Not to mention money from books.
      4. He is not interested in changing and sees nothing wrong with the way he is. AND THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE FAIL TO ACKNOWLEDGE. he has no desire to change!!

      All this oh poor poor HG and the HG IS learned and charming REALLY IS TOO MUCH !!! when he has posted some of the evil torture he has inflicted on people. Its as if one see him creating his little army right in front of ones eyes.!!! The people that defend him regardless of this information, I regard as traitorous, biproxy abusers. I think its disgusting in the extreme.

      That’s what I see. And just as he is able to express what he sees, I should be able to express what I see.
      I am using facts and logic. That’s all. I didn’t make any of this up. It came from his own mouth

      1. HG Tudor says:

        For the avoidance of doubt I have always confirmed I receive fuel from the interactions but that it is low grade fuel AND it is not an interaction that it is done as a gateway to better grade fuel. My interactions in my own spheres of influence yield far higher grades of fuel, meaning that the fuel gathered here is of little consequence when compared.

    2. And I think you’re far more charming and intelligent than that monster. You are brave and gracious. And I really appreciate what you said. πŸ’

      1. Love says:

        Super, I’m confused. Who is charming and intelligent?
        Us traitorous biproxy abuser empaths πŸ”₯❀ πŸ”₯? (BTW – love that title)
        Or the fuel-hungry evil torturous Mr. Tudor 😈?
        Or Mr. Tudor minus his creature (monster)πŸ˜‡?
        Please let me know if I got the emoticons right.

        1. I was complimenting your style Love. Hahaha. No need to pull out the emoticons!! Like someone or other said on here. Its a blog SITE. If you cannot handle other peoples opinions, don’t blog. If you are not in agreement how about putting together a rational response so that I may reevaluate mine in response. This is COMMUNICATION. The exchange of ideas. Communication occurs when we are able to see each others point of view. We don’t have to agree. But we should at least consider another perspective no?

  20. Hurt says:

    How do i manipulate him to resume the formal relationship so that I can discard/escape him. Is there a way? I want to be the one doing the discard.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Leaving aside the issue of why, you need to appear in a sphere of influence to generate a benign hoover. You need to be sure of your timing when engaging in this.

  21. Supernovamagnet says:

    Ok empaths!! I love each and every one of you. I honor the deep suffering and profound pain in all of you that has brought you to this site; HOWEVER, I have to say that I am dismayed at some of the a** kissing of HG going on here. Dialogue is fine but when it turns into “oh poor poor HG” and all this reverential treatment he’s getting, as if he’s some sort of f-ing celebrity, I have to draw the line!! F**k. HG!! He is a PSYCHOPATH!! . He is TELLING YOU what he is!! It is time we learned to look at cold hard truth with cold hard logic and ACT ACCORDINGLY!!! He has told us that. He’s not doing this for altruistic reasons!! For us!! Cmon empaths!! He is doing this because he wants something from his family (probably inheritance) who forced him into treatment. And……….big surprise!!!…………..he gains fuel from it. So for the love of god, please cease and desist from the ass kissing!! He is a MONSTER!!!! . if given half the chance he would hurt each and every one of us just for the fun of it. So please my loves, please have a little awareness. Guard yourselves. He is the enemy. It pains me to see you give of yourselves so he can consume fuel like a fat suckling greedy baby at the breast. I promise you, my fellow empaths, this is not your friend. He is f****d up beyond all repair. He cannot be saved. He does not relate to goodness or mercy. It simply doesn’t compute with him. He’s probably giggling about our continued stupidity in having compassion for him while he sips his tea and eats his crumpets (lovingly made for him by one of us who is probably in the most excruciating existence at his hand)

    1. Love says:

      Super, I know your statement comes from a place of love and compassion. So does our sentiments for Mr. Tudor.
      2 questions Mr. Tudor:
      1. Were you breast fed as a child?
      2. How do you take your tea?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        1. No.
        2. Hot.

      2. Love says:

        Omg! Mr. Tudor I have a theory on breast feeding and personality disorder. I have asked all my past narcs if they have been breast fed. The outcome of the survey: the non-breast-fed ones displayed the most malignancy and narcissistic traits.
        I think breast feeding a child will help prevent or reduce his narcissism.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          But is it a statistically reliable survey?

      3. Love says:

        My sample population was quite large and diverse from different socioeconomic backgrounds. Yes, I validated that my study proves statistical significance.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          How many?

      4. Love says:

        Mr. Tudor, shame on you. Never ask a lady how many lovers she has had. How many have you?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I meant how many people have you surveyed.

      5. Love says:

        I surveyed all my ex lovers and you.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          And you consider that statistically reliable?

          1. NarcAngel says:

            HG and LOVE
            LOVE you did say that the sample population was quite large and diverse lol. Did you want to amend that?

      6. Love says:

        Yes Sir. From all ends of the narc spectrum and cadres. The only one missing was a Greater and you filled that part.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am sceptical.

      7. Love says:

        Mr. Tudor, I am happy to send the data to you privately. Tell me what information you need and I will provide it.
        Lol Narc Angel, nope. Not amending anything. I stand by it πŸ˜€

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am just interested in the number of respondents.

      8. ava101 says:

        I’m sure there’s something to it.
        And my mother complains to this day that I kept falling asleep while she breast-fed me. Bad, bad baby.

      9. Love says:

        No problem Mr. Tudor. I will send the list of men I surveyed, their answer to breast feeding, whether I perceived their mother as narcissistic, the men’s narc cadre, their socioeconomic status, and their Hare psychopathy score (no I am not a clinician but knew enough about them to roughly calculate their score).

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You don’t have to go to any trouble Love, all I wanted to know is the number of respondents, but if you wish to send it to me, feel free to do so.

      10. ava101 says:

        *lol* Love, did you do the Hare score for HG?
        I can’t ask my ex-narc and don’t remember asking him, but I will ask another one of my exes who has narc traits for you. His grandmother certainly was one.

      11. Love says:

        I am a statistician Mr. Tudor. I document all my analysis. No trouble at all. Just don’t publish my work with your name on it πŸ˜‰

      12. Love says:

        Yes Ava. I have calculated Mr. Tudor’s score on Hare’s checklist.
        Mr. Tudor, I will provide that data as well.

      13. ava101 says:

        Hi Love, oh great, just play with my curiosity. πŸ™ πŸ˜‰
        My narc-like ex-boyfriend says he was breast fed. But maybe he has only some narc traits anyways.

        1. Hi everyone. Its your favorite blogger again. Lol. Did y’all know that they are currently doing studies on the connection between c-section births and psychopathy? Apparently the neurochemicals released through the natural birth process are retarded in a c-section birth which effects the brain significantly. I’m not sure of the outcomes yet. But its interesting nonetheless. So. HG? C-section or no?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            No C-section.

      14. Love says:

        Thank you Ava for surveying your ex!

      15. Love says:

        Super, I was a C-section baby! Woo hoo! See Mr. Tudor, I was born a psychopath! Can I join your team now?
        Can I? Can I? Can I?
        Please please please.

        1. Whomever made the ridiculous comment that c section equals psychopathy needs to learn how to read. Perhaps in your case c section caused illiteracy. MAYBE ALL CAPS WILL WORK. WHAT I SAID WAS THEY ARE CURRENTLY STUDYING TO SEE IF (note the word “if”) THERE IS A CORRELATION. it is obvious to me that there are many factors that cause this problem. Some environmental and some genetic. It will have to be studied many more decades to come up with something conclusive if we ever get there at all. So DO learn how to read. It helps. In all things. Thank you.

        2. Ooooh SHOOOT!! That was you Love. Hahahaha. I seem to be taking myself a little too seriously today. I didn’t READ (hahaha) I’m so stupid. Sorry. You know I love you. I thought it was some dipshit making fun of my post. So I attacked. Lol. Sometimes I scare my own self. I’m viscious as all get out. Hehe

      16. Love says:

        Lol no worries Super (aka Tigress).🐯 I haven’t seen your attack post. Lol I would enjoy it nonetheless. Growl.
        Mr. Tudor occasionaly hands out platinum memberships to his exclusive world-renowned narc club. I’ve been trying to get in, but he tells me I’m not qualified. I can’t even peek through the windows. It is all hush hush with super secret things happening in there … You know how narcs do.
        I thought with a C-sectuon under my belt, I would surely get in. But no dice!

    2. NarcAngel says:


      Youre not the first to address this and certainly wont be the last. Id be lying if I said I havent thought WTF??!! on occasion myself, but heres the conclusion Ive come to:
      HG is a success by anyones standards in his writing abilty alone over anything else he has done and so does not need to have this blog or the books he has written on the subject of Narcissicism and if he really wanted to make money they would be more expensive. He could make (and probably does) a shitload from another avenue of writing. Also evident his charm good or bad. He would not have to resort to wading through a bunch of posts that often stray from the subject at hand or address things that are of no interest to him to be able to gain fuel. He does just fine Im sure out in the real word. At the end of the day I dont care if he laughs his balls off at us, thinks he controls us as puppets, sucks fuel all day long, or makes a fortune off of the blog and books. All I care is that he has put the information out there for me to accept or discard at MY discretion, introduced me to a group of wonderful people who have helped me immensely through the sharing of their own experiences, and given my feelings more validation in the allowing of them to be shared than my own Mother (or anyone else for that matter) has given me in 55 fucking years on Planet Earth. I appreciate your intention though. I believe it came from a place of wanting to prevent us from harm so thank you for your intention but we got this.

      1. ava101 says:

        Well said, NarcAngel, and finally I know your age. Was dying of curiosity. πŸ˜‰

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Haha. You need only have asked. What was your guess? Dont worry-I wont be offended.

      2. ava101 says:

        NarcAngel: at first I thought you were much younger, like in your 20ies, but then I read about “women my age” … fresh mind, I love your fierceness.

      3. Love says:

        Lol Ava, if you’re judging our age based on our comments, I probably come across as 15 years old 😁

      4. ava101 says:

        That’s about right, Love. πŸ˜‰

    3. Exhausted says:

      Exactly. We are his fuel ⛽️ several times a day.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        But only of low grade.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          I never thought that I would live to see the day when a man would call me low grade and that I would laugh.
          Thanks for the chuckle.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome NA.

        2. Thank you for confirming that. HG. Its a very curious phenomenon that people are far more likely to attack me and what I’m saying than you. Don’t you think? When I’m just repeating what you have said yourself. I find that interesting and cannot for the life of me come up with a plausible explanation. What do you think the explanation is? My style is a little aggressive I suppose. But other than that. ?

    4. ava101 says:

      Yes, we noticed.

      And who are you to judge anyone here?
      The only abusive words I see here are yours …
      I don’t consider myself “an empath”. It’s not just black and white, and I’m not automatically the better person. Glorious Self-righteousness certainly doesn’t make you so.

      I’m amazed by HG’s patience and endurance, actually. (Yes, I know your answer to that, but as a comparison: my ex-narc would NOT have that kind of talk.)

      Anyone on here can say whatever he/she wants, and HG stays polite.
      That’s more than I can say of you. And it’s him who puts all the work in. You take that and then project your own turmoil on him as a reward?
      He’s nice to me, answering soooo many questions, … – I’m nice to him in return. That’s all.

      I’m not interacting with the person who is abusive, I’m interacting with the person who’s taught me so much and makes me laugh – and took my fear. And I’m not supporting abusive behavior towards other people, I’ve voiced my opinion on that over and over.

      If it’s so unbearable to you, why then are you using a nick derived from his categories, and why do you care about the comments?
      If I couldn’t accept this blog for what it is, I would find better things to do, I guess.

      The aggressiveness in the comments from self-proclaimed empaths is really interesting … not really a motivation for anyone to act according to more ethical and accepting standards. Sad.

      1. “The lady doth protest too much”. Paraphrased. Shakespeare

      2. You ARE interacting with someone abusive you jackass!! You are accepting and reverent of someone that is HIGHLY ABUSIVE. and you claim to be an empath yet you would accept and revere the abuser of MANY WOMEN?? What the hell is wrong with you???

      3. I have one other thing to say to you. You’re incredibly whiny and you are living in la la land. You have a victim mentality. You will never stand up for what’s right. You’re one of those people who helps perpetuate abuse because you’re too weak to do anything else. The reason this type if individual is able to navigate through life creating a wake of destruction is because people like you enable and accept this behavior under the disguise of manners. As far as I’m concerned you’re just as guilty. Yet too weak to be a psychopath your self. So you resign yourself to worshipping one. Good job!!!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, the reason I am able to do as I do, is because people do not know what they are dealing with and the well-honed craft I apply.

          Those who enable me have no or little idea that they do so.

          I don’t appear with a warning sign above my head. We never do.

    5. Ellie says:

      And why not be nice to him?
      This is an artificial environment, where no one’s identity is revealed and there are no real relationships. HG doesn’t care about people and we all know that. But the information he provides is golden. And being the empaths we are, we feel for him – gratitude, curiosity, even frienship I guess.
      It’s natural – when someone helps you, you like them and it’s a bias so powerful that you don’t even mind being told they do it for themselves and don’t care about you. We are using him too, just so you know πŸ˜€ Of course in real life this would not be possible, as there would never be an equal trade off, just abuse.
      Also he has charm, which to me is absolutely weird, given the fact that he’s showing us all the disgusting thoughts that his kind has.
      Consulting with a narc on what to do with the narc in your life who’s hurting you is weird, but incredibly effective. Sometimes it’s better to be smart than to be right. I’d rather be smart, even if that means being closer to the dark side and befriending a narcissist over the internet. Call it intelligence if you wish πŸ˜€

    6. Oona says:

      He is hurting is. My newfound awareness of being – at the core – an inferior and weaker version of human will always be true. His purpose isn’t altruistic. If we could take this information and use it to get one over on the Narcs that would be grand. But no. The best we can do is defend ourselves.

      It’s pretty clear that any version of empath will never have a normal life and a normal relationship. This is devastating. I feel grateful to finally see the situation for what it is.

  22. Snow White says:

    Hello HG,
    This article is full of such good information about both sides. I feel much more confident now compared to when I read it the first time. You made me aware of how the attraction to my kind works. I have noticed how people approach me for many reasons and I cautiously observe their motives. I notice when people have their eyes on me also. I walked around before oblivious to what went on around me.

    I still have zero trust but I can now spot your kind and stop them at “hi”.
    Thanks for the lesson.

  23. HG I would like to know would a narc still be able to see that I’m an empath because people who don’t know me for an example ask me “why do I look so mean?” The thing is that I don’t feel mad or anything like that. When they get to know me they say I’m a nice person, but I take my time and feel that person out before I allow them to get close to me. I would probably describe my demeanor in public as being sort of like “Tommy Shelby” except that I’m a woman and my eyes aren’t as dead looking from ptsd but serious. If you don’t know who Tommy Shelby is he is from “Peaky Blinders.” Maybe it’s because of my introversion that people have said that I appear to be mean, mysterious, or stuck up when they first see me but I’m nothing like that. What I’m asking is will a narc still be able to detect me being an empath when I have a demeanor like that? Thanks in advance HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It may well put some of our kind off in the first interaction and it would only be through seeing you in other manifestations or say getting to know you through say work and seeing a different side that some of our kind would detect the empathic traits.

    2. Do you have resting bitch face?

      1. Sorry for just now getting back to the question. I definitely have that!…Especially since I’m an INFJ-TJ.

        1. Thank. I hope u know I was joking. I an ENFP/ENFJ as it was too close to call on P vs J. Nice to have you backπŸ’š

  24. ava101 says:

    Dear HG: When I couldn’t sleep this morning, I for some reason realized that my first love did all that abusive stuff you’re writing about, too. I was totally blind to that. This goes on and on like an onion … Detecting so much of that behavior in my life, also from profs at university or in working life.
    –> Have you ever met an empath who came frome a truly loving family, one who hasn’t grown up with that kind of abuse and therefore more aware of abusive behavior?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have met empaths who appear to have come from such a background, yes.

      1. ava101 says:

        Met AND involved with or were they better in seeing what was happening?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Met and involved with. Their ability to see was just as poor as the others.

      2. Love says:

        Was their fuel as potent? I wonder if background has any effect on fuel potency. I’m sure they would have much higher and healthier boundaries.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Their fuel was potent.

          Remember potency is the Proximity of Supply and the Method of Delivery.

  25. Not So Sad says:

    I warned a friend of mine six months ago that the man she’s met in a local bar was a narc . All the traits were there & she ignored my warnings .

    Fast forward & the initial emotional abuse & control has turned physical, she’s 12 weeks pregnant & caught an STD from him .
    I recognised the signs without even meeting him . ( Ty HG) .

    Bring it on! I’m ready πŸ™‚

    1. Love says:

      Wooo! You go girl NSS! I think it is important for people to get out there and identify these narcs BEFORE they start dating. Regardless of your education, intuition, experience, there is always a chance you can be blindsided. Being around more narcs in a social environment can help mitigate that risk. We need to put what we learn to practice. The real test starts when you are out in the real world.

      1. Not So Sad says:

        Aw Thanks Love! Fancy playing Narc Bingo with me ? πŸ™‚

      2. Love says:

        I would love to NSS. When you’re in the West Coast, we can go bar hopping and narc Bingo playing πŸ˜€

  26. HG, do you think the writer of True Blood used Narcissists and Empaths as the basis for the relationship between the Vampires and the Faeries? I immediately thought of that show when I began reading about the relationship between the two and it seems as though that is what he used. I see that show in a whole new light now. I realized the political messages he was sending but missed this part entirely.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I don’t know, I have not watched it Katanon.

    2. Love says:

      YES Katanon! I thought the same thing. They describe a vampire as almost the definition of a narc. And the fairies’ ‘light’!

  27. NarcAngel says:

    Oh…….and watch your drinks!

    1. Love says:

      Wise words NarcAngel. Always watch your drinks!

      1. Snow White says:

        How was your night out Love?
        Did you have your bingo card out?

      2. Love says:

        Snow it was fun! Played Narc Bingo but I was disappointed in the lack of diversity of narcs. Mostly Lesser somatics. I must study up on the type of bars for their hunting ground πŸ˜‰

        1. Snow White says:

          I’m glad you had fun Love!!! ❀️🍎❀️

  28. Brian says:

    One of these signals is vulnerability?

    1. Love says:

      Are puppies’ eyes doleful?
      Yes, they pick up on our vulnerability.

      1. Brian says:

        Yeah it does radiate from some people

  29. HopeGlenn says:

    Good words…and you state it well HG. Once we know what we are, what you are and what is attempting to be done with us..well the they say is in the Super Empaths hands..the courage to be what we are, and not travel down death alley with I realize..I do not have to change and I do not expect you to change…I just know to stay the hell away…and let you bury yourself..

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you HG (no I am not talking to myself – that dance has been done and has ended)

      1. So you used to talk to yourself? Did you answer yourself in a different voice? Did you use an HG replica puppet like in the movie what about Bob? Jokes HG, simply jokes, don’t punish me! Okay do it if you must, I suggest rope and delayed gratification. πŸ’™

  30. sr201 says:

    This is one of your best! Love it!!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you r201.

  31. Love says:

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE this article. It is absolutely true. I encourage all empathic ladies (and gents) once you feel strong enough and of course AFTER reading ALL of Mr. Tudor’s work, to play Narc Bingo. How does one play this game?
    Well first dress up (so you feel confident) and call your best pal for a night out on the town. Select a bar and enter the establishment. Choose a table or bar stools where you have the best view.
    Then and only then, SMILE. This is the green light for the game to begin. Smiling somehow emits your delicious fuel far and wide. Even if a narc has his back to you, your smile has delivered your beautiful fuel to him.
    Now sit back, and let them come to you one by one. As you identify each narc type, you can check that cadre off your narc bingo card.
    Remember, it is absolutely essential to have a friend with you for this game. The friend must understand that you will need to be rescued if a crafty narc begins to wrap too many tentacles around you. I know for my own kind (codependents) it is very hard to reject anyone and hurt ‘feelings’. BUT the essence of this game is to observe, identify, and RELEASE! Once you’ve checked off your entire bingo card, then you’ve successfully completed the game. I still have Greater left empty on my card.

    1. AH OH says:

      Love, I want to play!!! Plenty here in this city. I am sure we can find Greater Narcs here!

      1. NarcAngel says:

        It was INDY who told HG in an earlier article that biscuits and gravy was so delicious that she swore it was made with the souls of little babies, so blame her lol.

        1. AH OH says:

          OK then I will think of both of you and INDY! I have to agree, it is delicious! She is not having B+G today. She is in the trenches in D.C. I hope she wore comfortable shoes.

          1. NarcAngel says:

            COMFORTABLE SHOES!!!????
            She was all talk about spunk and throwing cookies before she left, so LOVE sent her off with some Marvin Gaye-Sexual Healing on her phone.
            I hope she traded those fuzzy socks and comfortable shoes for some heels that are in the air right now and shes having some fun lol.

          2. AH OH says:

            I was disappointed that there was vulgarity and such. I do not need to drop f bombs and wear a va jj on my head to stand up for my rights. Or hear Madona incite violence. It was a March to let the world know we are not going backwards. We have not lost a damn thing and perhaps they should march for the ones who have no rights.
            It was a good show of the strength of women but it also showed how rediculous some can be.
            They also Marched here too.

          3. Snow White says:

            Hi AH OH,
            Are you back from Hawaii?
            How was it?

      2. Love says:

        Lol Ah Oh, play NarcBingo in the Devil’s playground??? That’s not exactly an even playing field.
        I have to admit though I did enjoy moving through the VIP tables in the Vegas clubs for free drinks 😁 Ya, I was that girl. But I made sure to stay coherent enough to watch my drinks being poured, so I didn’t get roofied.

        1. AH OH says:

          Love! You naughty girl! i like this. They would call that PT in my day. Yes, I earned this term. (PR**K Tease) Drink their Alcohol and bounce!

      3. Love says:

        There was a women’s march in the UK in solidarity. Mr. Tudor, were you there?

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Ha. I didn’t realize there was a game (but should have known- there always is one lol), but as a general practice ladies if you want to recover or assert your confidence after some asshat has tried to erode it (Narc or otherwise) , yes, go flash that smile and all the goodness around and watch the sharks surface. Yes WE give off vibes but their need and desire when potent fuel is that close is palpable isn’t it LOVE? And when you know what you are dealing with it is very powerful to flaunt it and then deny them. But remember- you must be in a very strong place to be able to deny them because props to them-theyll bring their A game.

      1. AH OH says:

        I do it all the time! Deny them. I am surrounded by them.

        I have had years of practice and for the life of me, I do not know how this weasel got into my head. I can only say that I must have been desperate for some reason.

    3. I love it! I have been working at learning energy manipulation as a sort of protection but I don’t think I am strong enough yet to play narc bingo as I’ve not even been free of my narc ex for two months and nc is only in fits and starts right now. I made it a week this last time. I am codependent and highly empathic. I’ve always known I was a magnet to the wrong type of men but it all makes so much more sense now. I can’t read enough of HG’s stuff. It is like finally being inside the head of my ex and understanding the how and the why of what just happened to me. He has helped so much with regaining the ability to use logic and critical thinking. I do find myself scanning crowds now, trying to pick them out. I signed up on a dating site and was flooded with them. I guess they can sniff us out online as well. πŸ˜€

      1. Love says:

        Katanon, good for you for getting out there. You are wise and know when you’ll be ready to play. Like NarcAngel said, they’re worthy opponents and bring their A game. I will be playing tonight πŸ˜‰ wish me luck.

    4. Flickatina says:

      Possibly one of the greatest things I have ever read. I salute you!

    5. ntf says:

      After my divorce a decade ago, I would sometimes put on a sharp conservative suit, shiny shoes, a pressed shirt and an eye-catching necktie and head to one of these “upscale” singles bars. Having being married for 20 years, the singles scene was a mystery to me, and I wanted to get a feel for what it was all about.

      Typically, I would arrive early, to the get a choice seat with the best overall view of the joint. Order a weak drink and watch the crowd gather and the dance begin. A two-hour stay was about my max before stomach revulsion and utter boredom set in. I did my best not to talk with anyone but the servers as it was all about observing the interactions in the crowd.

      These places were typically populated with lots of male and female shark-narcs. The guys had the cocky face look, wearing pimpy-trendy clothes, spoke boastfully while their roaming radar eyes looking for the evening’s sexual prey.

      The female sharks were a total horror show. Lip, boob and botox monsters, the plastic surgeon’s platinum clientele. Their make-up plastered eyes scanned for a Mister Right to make their move on. Hopefully enough cosmetic camouflage to lure that lonely, horny and empathic successful guy for their long-term plan of asset-stripping and discard.True career girls.

      New meat would arrive from time to time, the sharks would strike new poses and the action would suddenly intensify. Bursts of extreme energy would suddenly flash out from the VIP area. The big rollers were in town and the young beautiful women would swarm and grind on these Big Whites.

      It was one huge crazed show. Lust, greed, pride, envy and jealousy on parade in all the circus rings.

      Eventually, my stomach would begin to gurgle and turn and I would leave, walk home and pour myself a stiff drink upon arrival. I dreamed about having an ordinary girl to love – just to be with. Knowing deep down that life is no circus. It can end abruptly, without warning.

      1. sarabella says:

        Wow. Thank you for posting that. I always felt like such a loser for not functioning in those scenes. Now I know why. You know, girls are given the bad rap about overlooking decent men for bad boys but I can tell you, there I was, a decent and ordinary girl, but smart and creative, and I was overlooked for not fiting into scenes like that and then not knowing where to go to meet non-narc, non-shark men. But wow. What an observation at how shallow and empty it all is. Money, booze, sex and show.

      2. Love says:

        You are such a great observer NTF

      3. indiglowsky says:

        I hope you find that ordinary girl. There are many out there, I promise you. They are often over looked because they are hanging out in the laboratories, libraries, and softball fields-fresh faced and unassuming.

        I, too, wish for someone who is “real”, a deep thinker and feeler. Though, I must admit, I still enjoy a bit of cocky spice in my guys too. I enjoy the debates. However, there is something to be said for a simple golden retriever guy.

  32. NarcAngel says:

    HG and INDY (whenever she stops marching)

    Look at all those little baby souls! Thats what biscuits and gravy must look like.

    1. AH OH says:

      WTH! Baby Souls. LOL I like b+g and now I won’t look at it the same! Thanks girl! You most likely save my arse from getting too big!

    2. indiglowsky says:

      Hi NA,
      Hahaha πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
      Yessssss Babies Souls!!!!

  33. sarabella says:

    What exactly do we give off? Can you be more specific, especially if you haven’t even talked to us.

    What qualities do we give off? The way we stand, our overall energy, that we seem at peace and content? Down to earth?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You give off a variety of traits which are picked up by us instinctively and also through calculation. Sitting Target explains it all in detail.

      1. sarabella says:

        I will look for that one, thanks.

        Question: of I may: I felt and still feel, that despite everything, all the nasty fights, the dramatic declarations, that if I reach out, he will reply.

        Because I experienced this before, I erroneously ised to chalk it up to ‘see, he really cares, he just can’t admit it’. But this last fight was too big for me to ever see past.

        But why did I always feel that? I felt in some odd way, the power was with me to reach out because he would respond. But soon ST would set it. Was the reason he always replied was because it was easy fuel?

        “They keep coming back” Was something he said once online. This guy has ED and is awful to touch. Even I could not figure this out! Why? Being with him once was a shock. They can’t be coming back for his body. They liked being abused? Why?

        But he has something that draws people. A friend saw his picture once, and said he has a larger than life personality.

        But why would he always respond to me? And sometimes, fast. Like he didn’t even wait to play a game. Just boom, he was there.

        I won’t ever again. I know this last fight was too much, even for me. But I still sense that if I wait long enough, he would be over it and would respond but of course, only to punish later.

        Is it only for fuel, fuel he doesn’t have to work for because I always reached out? Is this why when we just finally stop, that you loose confidence? Like our subconscious energy feeding of you stops and yilou feel it?

        Have you ever had someone escape but it didn’t really hit you for a while that they were gone? Like you kept assuming they were there only to be shocked that you were no longer hearing from them and you could no longer “feel” the cord?

      2. MLA - Clarece says:

        You tend to gravitate towards women who ultimately will have great emotional gridlock when you start to pull away because a couple of these traits include our ability to deeply attach to our relationships and we don’t want to let go. We feel competitive in the respect you are challenging us and we think at first you are afraid to commit or fully trust us and we want to meet your challenge and succeed rather than fail at this relationship. We also feel pleasure at what we put into our relationships and like having that positive connection with someone. It becomes addictive when you start doling out rewards and punishments (like silent treatments). We will try to mold ourselves to what pleases you to maximize rewards (golden period) and avoid upsetting you.
        Normals would catch on much quicker and not view it as an impulse decision to break away from this toxic dynamic.

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