A Fearful Terror

 

a-fearful-terror

Fear comes in many forms. It has the capacity to cause dread, anxiety and nervousness. Fear is one of the most powerful tools that exists to facilitate control over somebody. Think back to when you were a small child and the things that frightened you. Many of them have a universal applicability. How many times did you cry out to your mother and father in the night because you were frightened of the “monsters under the bed” and you were terrified that once the bedroom door was closed that something would come creeping out of the wardrobe and induce utter fear throughout you? Perhaps it was the strange shapes that formed once the light was turned off with only moonlight streaming through the crack in the curtains so that the shadow thrown across the room appeared like some old crone waiting to come and take you away and eat you. How many times were you warned as a child never to speak to strangers, never to get into a car with somebody you did not know and never to accept sweets from a stranger? Do you recall how this conjured up images of smelly old men in stained raincoats who waited to abduct you and spirit you away to be locked up who knows where? Perhaps there was that house on your walk back from school which had attracted a certain reputation. It was run-down, the garden overgrown, with bushes spilling onto the path, the windows grimy and paint peeling. You were never sure whether anybody actually lived there. Some said that a witch resided there and she waited for children passing on their own before grabbing them and stuffing them in her cellar to starve to death. Others told tales on stormy afternoons which made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, about the spirits that haunted the old house. A friend would swear that he had walked past, one wet and windy evening, just as it was going dark and he saw the face of a ghostly child staring at him from an upstairs window, the child’s spectral hands knocking against the window as if requesting help. After hearing that tale you took a different route home from school so you did not have to pass this particular house anymore. If that was not possible, you would run past, head down, shouting at the top of your voice to drown out any strange sounds that might come from the trapped ghost child, as you dared not even look towards the house. Fear often stalked your childhood and resulted in sleepless nights, nightmares and a reluctance to go to bed. Do you remember being sent to bed and staring up the stairs towards the darkness wondering what was waiting for you? How you did not want to appear scared in front of your parents (especially since they had let you stay up a while longer because you were a “big boy/girl” now). You wanted to hand those words back as you hovered at the base of the stairs, the hallway colder than the living room from which you had ventured. How many times did the noise of the house settling, resulting in strange groans and creaks convince you that somebody was waiting out of sight in a doorway, their heavy booted foot resting on the squeaky floorboard, rusty axe clutched in greasy, long-nailed fingers?  Did the sight of a clown have you running to hide in the folds of your mother’s dress, that strange leering and accentuated mouth creating panic in your tiny mind? What did that eerie clown have in mind for you?

It might have been a reluctance to paddle barefooted in the sea or a river because you could not see where you were putting your feet. You felt something brush your foot, most likely seaweed, but in your mind some razor-toothed fish was about to take a bite from your ankle or a crab was about to affix a pincer to your big toe. You turned and ran hollering from the edge of the sea back to the safety of the sandy beach. There may have been a murderer’s alleyway in your town, a badly-lit passageway between two roads which was a convenient and easy short cut during the day but a night the purported preserve of lurking knife merchants and yellow-toothed stranglers who were just waiting to pounce and take your life. You stood staring down the alleyway trying to drive the rising fear from you but it just would not go and instead you opted to walk the long way around. It took twenty extra minutes but at least you got home safely.

Fear continued to stalk your life as you grew older. You might not be worried about the bogeyman anymore but he has shapeshifted into the fear that comes with finding a lump about your body and not knowing what it is. Uncertainty about the business for whom you work has you tossing and turning at night. Wondering where the next pay check will come from has you similarly fearing for the future. Walking alone along a road at night and hearing footsteps behind you still causes your heart rate to increase. A glance over your shoulder as you cross the road to the over pavement only serves to heighten your worry as a hooded figure also crosses the road. Your step quickens as your fear increases and your mind floods with images of robbery, rape or murder. When alone in the house at night the sound of a bang from downstairs has you sat bolt upright in bed. What was that noise? Did you dream it? Was it somebody breaking in? Was it something not of this world, a poltergeist perhaps hurling a book against a wall. You cannot see what caused the noise and immediately the fear forms in the pit of your stomach, your racing mind conjuring up a score of unpleasant scenarios as you debate creeping to the top of the stairs and peering down to see if you can ascertain what it was.

Fear takes hold of you and makes your reasoning faulty. It tightens around your throat stopping you from calling out and turns your legs into stone so you are figuratively petrified and unable to escape that unseen tormentor. Fear withers you, paralyses you and you will do anything at all to escape that sensation of fear. It is pervasive, damaging and controlling.

Your greatest fears always stem from the unknown. It is that which you cannot see which causes you the greatest terror. When you cannot see something you are plunged into fear, its icy grip takes hold and you crumble. The unknown and the unseen create the fear. That is why we are so devastatingly effective in our control of you. That is why we create such numbing fear in you.

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35 thoughts on “A Fearful Terror”

  1. My fears are diminishing all the time. I held onto the last paragraph from the previous time you posted this article HG.

    It helps hugely to realise it is only the unknown that stokes the fear. But the unknown always becomes the known soon enough. What ever the known is, we always manage it one way or another so there is no need to fear it anymore.

    Thank you – as always

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      1. When we have played the fearful, subservient role and then we suddenly shift 180 degrees and go no contact does that scare you?

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      2. Is it because the N fights so hard to not be human, and fear they have to be accountable, and fear realizing all their human issues? Easier to bully and munipulate people into believing the N’s fake self than to realize they are messed up and and wronged people? The N i dated, fought very hard to hide his heart and feelings when he was trying to devalue me, he did nothing but nit pick everything he just said he liked, it was easier to pick on me and smear me than to just stop the b.s and be real. I dont understand that, i just know it must come from a dark place that needs to live off souls of good people by hurting them and puffing themself up, instead of just letting themselves feel others love do them and surrender even just to the idea that will help him the most and it feels that much better. No drama, no strife, no crazy b.s just a quiet easy loving life of letting yourself heal and letting yourself experience it.

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  2. Yes and you all have such a knack for finding the right one. Thank God for your blog or my hand would still be shaking from tonight’s conversation with Narc brother the elder and I would not be able to post this from my phone.

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  3. True fear is a gift.

    You fear nothing. On the outside it reads as if you do not fear anything. You do. You fear nothing. The admission is powerful.

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  4. Your greatest fears always stem from the unknown. It is that which you cannot see which causes you the greatest terror. When you cannot see something you are plunged into fear, its icy grip takes hold and you crumble. The unknown and the unseen create the fear. That is why we are so devastatingly effective in our control of you. That is why we create such numbing fear in you.

    No, this is not true. The fear comes when you are told what will happen and what you thought comes true. The fear comes because you felt, it first- then grappled with it and then did everything in your own power to prevent it and then they went ahead and did it anyway. That is the first death and the second is when it happens again. To sharpen the blade to prepare one for slaughter in his presence is the first death, the second death is the slaughter.

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  5. “Your greatest fears always stem from the unknown. It is that which you cannot see which causes you the greatest terror.”
    This is so true. What’s going to happen next? How far will the narcissist(s) go to destroy me?

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    1. Where theres perfect love there is no fear, love doesnt make you feel fear, it empowers you. Whats scary is when the same person that empowered you, now wants to destroy you and your so tossed about inside and the N uses that, fear reigns.

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      1. @red
        You are right. I totally agree with you. (I am afraid I was not referring to relationships with an IP but to those kinds of relationships we cannot choose.)
        I found “Manipulated” very helpful indeed. It explains Intimidation and other techniques narcissists use to control their targets.

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      1. He’s full of it. Fear that is. Fear, from having to face his true inner self, the reason why the N has to suck the souls out of people to feel like a recharged god. The reason he deflects, ignores, and lashes out at good. The good in others, convicts his small heart and ignites fury because he cant stand who he is and the need to bully the good person till he feels powerful over them. It confims him to do this, so he is justified in thinking falsely about himself. Good people are now weak and pathetic in his eyes, he doesnt have to feel the conviction in his heart now that he’s made himself powerful. The evil inside, erupts simply because he fears the lonely cold empty feelings he has inside. He needs constant attention to calm hiself down and validate his meaningless life he feels he is living. He denies everything and casts out to everyone a fearless facade a man that takes no crap and almost a hero status, but he is nothing more than a bully, and those closest see through it because they know the monster is nothing but a spolied 3 year old acting out with mommy abandonment issues….
        Fear is what drives the N, if it didn’t the N would come to the end of himself and stop fighting everyone around him just for attention, he’d allow love and god to work out the pain inside that makes him run so hard from the truth and causes him to lash out and hurt the ones that truly love him. Call it fury, evil, or whatever, its all stemmed in fear of exposure and reality of who they really are. Everything in every book, every action and provocation, is a result of the fear lurking at the heart of a N and all his odd behaviors. They’re just evil, because they are scared, and good people and loving responses to them, ignites evil, and causes conviction in their heart.

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      2. Red, on this blog HG readily admits to fearing his creature and being unmasked. These are psychological fears. When he says he fears nothing, i think he is referring to fears in the outside world eg. being robbed, dark alleys, horror movies etc. But i disagree with you saying his life is meaningless. His life is as meaningful as anyone else’s life is.

        ‘… the monster is nothing but a spolied 3 year old acting out with mommy abandonment issues….’
        These abandonment issues are very real and exremely traumatic, and should not be downplayed.

        ‘… he’d allow love and god to work out the pain inside that makes him run so hard from the truth and causes him to lash out and hurt the ones that truly love him.’
        Don’t you think he would if he could? Why are there so many narcs with the same textbook-like behavior? It is because their abuse was so unbearable that the innocent, vulnerable child knew nothing more than to depart from his own soul, depart frm love altogether. It was an involuntary defense mechanism of the body and mind. It is a pattern seen in so many individuals who suffer trauma in childhood, to subconsciously and unfortunately adopt narcissism.

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      3. I was speaking primarily about the ex. And poking HG in fun, in first sentence. Yes, im very aware of HG admissions. But at the same time, i hope this helped you a little too, to see the extent of how much effort you will go through to defend a N to a person suffering cptsd too.

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      4. Red, it was not clear who you were referring to. But thanks for pointing it out.
        It’s not abt defending HG, i’m just stating the facts. Imo it’s important to look at both sides of the story, especially when child abuse is in the history. I no longer suffer frm ptsd, if you are referring to me. Maybe i should change my name.

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      5. I should’ve been clearer . I think the hardest thing right now is that im hurting because ex N has fear issues and is being so mean. I dont know how to get through the day.

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      6. Hard as it is Red, forget about ex N, he is not your concern. Keep reading and it will assist your purging, read Exorcism in particular.

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      7. I know you meant well HG, thank you. But what do you mean when you say, not my concern? Maybe its going thru this that words are hitting me funny today, forgive me if there was a obvioys answer i missed, but presently, i truly would like to know what you meant if its ok?

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      8. You said he is being mean which suggests to me that you are engaging with him in some direct or indirect way when you should not be doing so.

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      9. Also, i work with him, his name is always brought up by others, that he uses now to feed his ego, after he did nithing but back stab them, now he is their hero. All the while he smears me, and wento our supervisor claiming i harrassed him and we only had a ‘thing’. He threatened to make my “…life a living hell at work”, then went to supervisor claiming he didnt want to see me hurt but he might go to HR. I have read and now rereading Exorcism, and i have removed things he gave me, etc. But this constantly hearing his name and him acting that way with people he didnt like, and its constantly in my day to day while im ignored, excluded, shut out….what am i suppose to do? I just want it to go back to whatever illusion it was to stop this torment.

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      10. Red, i’ve been there! About 6 months ago, it was difficult for me to get through the day too. But being on this blog helps me so much that i don’t think too much about my ex these days, because i have answers to my questions. Take care and know that we are here to support you.

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      11. Thank you, for me, ive been yanked on like a yoyo for almost a year…if you see my other comments below, im struggling. I read everything and i think HG hit the nail on the head about what happens in the book Exorcism, with the mixture. But i dont have a way to erradicate and delete this man from my life…i really would live some help.

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      12. Aww Red, it does get better. Just keep reading HG’s books and articles, and you will realize the relationship doesn’t mean anything to him except for fuel. You will eventually accept this, and it will help you move forward. I don’t think abt my ex as often as i used to, knowing that he feels no connection to me, or to anybody for that matter. Stay strong!

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  6. I really feel like my own head is playing games, telling me i miss the N when i can make a huge list of why he shouldn’t be missed or thought twice about.

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