Message Hook

message-hook

 

The message – whether in text form or through some other electronic medium – is a tempting and ultimately manipulative tool of ours. During our seduction of you we use it to brilliant effect, peppering your day with these short form billets-doux in order to draw you close to us. The glowing compliments sent through letters glowing on your screen. The tingle, the excitement and the smile to oneself on receipt of this message. They are like so many little gifts, each one waiting to be opened by you and the delight spreading across you face as you read the latest missive that contains our rapturous love for you. Each time one arrives you wonder what it might read and you are never disappointed as we sprinkle our fairy dust over you from afar through the electronic devices we are both connected to. You feel wonderful, savouring that rush of appreciation. It is fantastic and memorable and you never delete them, storing up all these heartfelt tributes and declarations. We know you will keep them and most of all when the misery descends you will sit scrolling back through these text exchanges, evidence of a happier time, remnants of the golden period.

As time advances you begin to expect these messages. It is entirely understandable. You get used to waking and seeing a message waiting for you, more welcome than a cup of tea or coffee being brought to your bed. You anticipate the rush and we do not let you down. The content of the message feeding your desire for love, affection and passion.

This repeated sending of messages is designed to condition you. We want you to equate the arrival of the message with pleasure, with affection and with love. We ingrain it into your routine. The first thing you do on awakening is to reach for your phone on your nightstand and look for our message. This is done to make you frequently check your ‘phone during the day to see if there is a message from us. You experience phantom vibrations when your ‘phone is on silent and in your bag or pocket. You pluck it out and check and feel dismayed as there is no message. Perhaps there is but it is not from us and you being to feel anxious as you await your daily hit. Eventually it arrives and you feel the surge of delight coursing through you as we deliver. Little by little, in accordance with our methodology of salami-slicing you start to focus on the relevant device, waiting for the ping, the buzz and/or the flash of light. You keep glancing at your ‘phone, mind unable to focus on the task in hand. Once that message arrives, you open it, devouring it like a starving man given food after two weeks adrift at sea. You spend more time responding to the messages, checking the ‘phone and cultivating ways to keep the flow of messages going so that it becomes the matter which you focus on the most during the course of your day. You wait, watch, check and keep back and forth beginning to will the ‘phone to buzz and provide that message.

Soon you start to prompt them, messaging us first when you have not heard from us. Once you waited a morning, then an hour and now it has become the first thing you do when you wake up. You see no message from us so you message us. We reply at once and the relief washes over you in an awesome way. But then the reply times elongate and that short space becomes a longer pause, a growing hiatus and this prompts you to message again. Oh we know the messages you will send to try to pretend you are not anxious because you have not heard from us.

“I’m not sure if my message reached you, my ‘phone has been playing up.”

“I am struggling for signal here. Did you get my message?”

“Just wanted to check my message reached you.”

“Don’t worry about responding straight away, I know you are busy.”

“Just wanted to make sure everything is alright, no rush, answer when you can.”

The desperation seeps through the ‘phone, the increasing anguish and anxiety tangible and then we release you from your worries and reply which prompts a flurry of replies, your gratitude evident even though you may not write as such. How the fuel flows and it is all deliberate. We have actively structured our approach so that you become conditioned to act this way. The ‘phone becomes the barometer of your day. Early message received? You can relax and enjoy the next two hours until you start wondering where the next one is. Such power is wielded by us through the simple act of sending you a message and we haven’t even started on using it to devalue you yet.

So often you rely on receiving the message but the irony is, you rarely actually get the message.

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18 thoughts on “Message Hook”

  1. The not answering messages and claiming to be forgetful about replying or not having time to, despite always having a phone in close proximity following on from the initial instant replies to texts and frequent phone calls for no apparent reason was what actually wised me up to what I was dealing with. Claiming to have a bad memory and being too forgetful to reply but managing to remember exact details of conversations from months ago..hmmm I smell sh*** . That and the sudden last minute cancellations to plans with no apologies but wild irritation if I dared to turn up minutes late. But I’m now enjoying the silence, may it last for ever!!

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  2. Hello HG,

    What do you do with an appliance’s messages and sent photos after escape or discard? Are they kept for future reference or deleted?
    Do the different schools and cadres act in the same way as regards to this?

    Thank you for all your continued illumination into your kind’s dark world. I could never have maintained No Contact for so long without all I have learned from you. I doubt my ex narc has ever experienced such an awkward and frustrating appliance, and that is entirely down to the information you provide. I have moved through many stages including utter despair and anger. Now I am just fascinated by how your kind operate and getting to the stage of mild amusement/ indifference whenever he hoovers, as I can see straight through his attempts at manipulation. You have also equipped me to identify others of your brethren and this has enabled me to stay well clear and force them to seek fuel elsewhere.

    I know you are doing this blog and writing books for your own personal interests and gains, but I wish to express my thanks to you for being the main catalyst in my transformation and empowerment. I am eagerly awaiting the publication of your next book…

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  3. This is exactly how it went down. I caught on pretty quickly once I realized he was a Narcissist and it wasn’t because of his PTSD from serving in the military.
    Although using PTSD was pretty brilliant on his end.
    The two shared similar traits, but the love bombing and his intensity gave it away.
    He would become distant, so I would act as if I wasn’t bothered by it, then half way through the day or towards the end, he would ask what I was doing and if I really missed him and start acting needy again.
    I may have only messaged him first a handful of times through out the 6 month period.
    I guess I wasn’t much fun, since I rarely expressed to him how much he pain he caused me.
    I know he knew though.
    Has anyone ever heard of someone developing narcissism due to a traumatic head injury?

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    1. To be narcassasistic the traits need to be there before the injury. To have ptsd the symptoms develop after the event. Hope that helps x

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      1. Thank you Claire, I understand. 😊
        To be more specific, I was wondering if a head injury to the anterior insular cortex, (the activity center of human empathy) could cause one to develop narcissism/psychopathy.
        When I was in denial about Mr. Mirror, I often read about PTSD, and they share a few similar symptoms.
        I’m pretty sure he was a Mid Range who loved to play the victim. He used PTSD, and his wife was crazy and manipulative. She turned all of his friends against him and kept his family at a distance since she disliked them all. No one understood him, he felt alone and had major sleep problems…. I can almost hear a sad violin playing as I type this lol.
        The funny thing is, I don’t remember him mentioning a single friend over a 5 month period.
        I spoke to his wife a few times in the beginning, she was very concerned about his behavior, he wouldn’t speak to her weeks at a time and he attempted suicide a few months earlier.
        He refused to go to counseling with her.
        Although, I was an old friend from his past, she said he never spoke of any friends past or present.
        Of course this was before the love bombing and seduction phase, when I lost all rational thinking capability.
        I hope he’s going to therapy and has happiness with his wife and kids.
        I know there’s a good person in there somewhere.

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