The Narcissistic Truths – No. 147


119 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 147

  1. ANK says:

    Is there a way of posting pictures on comments??

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You can only post a link to a picture, not a picture in itself.

      1. ANK says:

        Ah ok. The photo is on a Facebook page. If not appropriate to link then please delete. Just thought it was apt.

  2. MsSevyn says:

    The outrage that he cheats! I met mine while he was in a relationship. His marriage lasted two years. The list of previous girlfriends overlapped. Why would this be different?

  3. NarcAngel says:

    Wouldnt it be fun? We could make a bong out of one of your apples. Getting high while getting your fruit. I’ll say it for you: I’m a genius.
    Speaking of fruit……..
    Having a few drinks in a patio once and couldnt remember the drink fuzzy navel so I ordered a hairy nipple. Yup. Im a party in my pants ( or out of lol).

    1. Snow White says:

      LOL NA!!!!!
      A party in or out of your pants!!! Sounds like a great evening.
      I have no idea what a bong does. Lol
      Still trying to figure out what HG’s mushrooms do. Lol

  4. Flickatina says:

    I won’t lie – I’m kind of regretting it today. πŸ™‚

  5. NarcAngel says:

    Umm…..Which alphabet?

    1. Flickatina says:

      The alphabet I used after drinking a bottle and a half of wine last night! With a whiskey chaser. Bahahahaha!

      1. Love says:

        You have a solid tummy! I could never mix wine and hard alcohol. πŸ˜– pukey

      2. Matilda says:

        That gave me a fit of the giggles, Flickatina and NarcAngel, complete with tears and aching abdominals!! Comedy gold! Thank you! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

        I’ve never been intoxicated in my life… have I missed out on all the fun? πŸ˜€ … losing presence of mind would worry me.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Oh the irony of avoiding losing presence of mind to alcohol and then losing it (temporarily) to a Narc lol.
          So then…. You have never passed out on the kitchen table while your eggs have blown up in the microwave? Never been so drunk you had to pee and mistook that long wood coffee table with a large ashtray in the center for an outhouse seat and filled said ashtray? Never woke up on the bathroom floor naked in a full fetal position with a facecloth over your one shoulder because apparently that is the core area to retain heat? Yes. As you can see, you have clearly been missing out.

          1. Snow White says:

            I wish I was having an evening out with you right now, having drinks with you and listening to all your stories.
            They sound hilarious πŸ˜‰

      3. Flickatina says:

        Oh being intoxicated is great fun. At the time. Then you wake up and review the facebook posts that were so hilarious at the time. You get all the emails from Amazon confirming all the purchases you just HAD to make.

        I am my own special brand of stupid after a few drinks.

      4. Flickatina says:

        Oh NarcAngel – I bow to your superior drunkeness. You have reached levels the rest of us can only dream of!

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Childs play. Once I smoked weed and got so paranoid that the others home sleeping could hear me chewing my hot dog that my brother in law discovered me hunkered down in a fort made out of all the couch and chair cushions. Soundproofing? I could have recorded an album in there. Always at home though these antics-not public.

      5. Matilda says:


        “Oh the irony of avoiding losing presence of mind to alcohol and then losing it (temporarily) to a Narc lol.”

        Yes, I guess one could say I was ‘drunk with luurve’! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

        Nope, no passing out on kitchen tables, though I managed to burn eggs in an attempt to boil them. Oh my goodness, what am I reading here, NarcAngel?! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

        I had sips of champagne, wine, and beer on separate occasions… it all tasted disgusting, so sourly rotten, I have never touched any of it since… the mind boggles how people can enjoy drinking. Though I had a Pina Colada once, which I liked… lovely fruity taste, a burning sensation in my mouth, followed by a heat wave through my body, and a slight feeling of lightness of mind – though not uncomfortable, it felt rather strange πŸ™‚

        — —


        Amazon purchases! πŸ˜€ … see, that’s what I would be worried about… what I might be capable of doing if all bets were off! πŸ™‚

      6. Entertainment says:

        The first time a drunk a whole bottom of wine by myself. I told my good friend, her advice don’t worry about it its only 3 glasses😊 They are members of the nearby wineries. We used to have book club at her house most of the time and we would easily guzzle down 4 glasses. Facebook posts lol, texts to mark and the emails from ebay the next morning for me.

      7. Flickatina says:

        I do recall a couple of occasions where I was a danger to myself…
        1. I decided I had had enough at a club so decided to go home. No taxis so I thought I would walk the two miles home – in a party dress and heels through a red light district. I was approached a few times – I am amazed I was not sold into white slavery.
        2. Getting from York races to Manchester on the train. I’m a happy drunk so everyone on the train was my best friend. Eventually got a taxi home – the taxi driver wanted to take me in the house to make sure I got to bed ok – so glad my son was home.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          If you could walk 2 miles in your heels you are wearing the wrong heels to a club. No wonder you were going home alone lol.
          Seriously though-at least tell someone youll text when you arrive home before you leave.

      8. Matilda says:

        Oh my, Flickatina, you were lucky, indeed… you could have ended as a corpse in a ditch!! Too many opportunistic predators out there… we live, we learn!

    2. Love says:

      My first edible… Didn’t realize how potent it was. I swallowed it in one bite. And I forgot how to walk. I hung off the rails of the staircase like it was the monkey bars. Then I thought I was having a heart attack. I tried to call an ambulance but had no clue how to reach them. 911 is not an easy number to remember.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        The visual of you hanging there made me laugh. The things we do.

  6. Flickatina says:

    Well it was a terribly simple idea actually -which did refer to uberNarc Henry. H – pretty obvious. G is the 8th letter of the alphabet so Henry VIII.

  7. Flickatina says:

    I think I may be more like your kind than I knew.

  8. Flickatina says:

    Just figured out why “HG Tudor” – can’t believe it took me nearly a week to work it out!

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Do you care to share your realization?
      I am interested also in the meaning of your name if thats not too personal.

      1. Flickatina says:

        Well I may be wrong so I will wait until His Grace has confirmed or denied! I have no desire to look like an idiot if I am wrong!

        My name is Felicity, I have always been known as Flick and a friend always called me Flickatina. I quite liked it so I sometimes use it – it sounds more interesting than Flick!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I do like the name Felicity.

        2. 1jaded1 says:

          Flicktina. I once guessed Helmholtz. Thank you for sharing.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Interesting guess there 1jaded.

          2. NarcAngel says:

            I hope not. Sounds like something that requires an ointment.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            NA, I am the disease and the cure.

          4. 1jaded1 says:

            Maybe so. People can’t help what name parents give them, NarcAngel, with respect.

          5. Snow White says:

            Is it a name in your family Jaded?

          6. 1jaded1 says:

            Hi Snow White. No.

          7. 1jaded1 says:

            It was a feeble attempt to guess the H. Back to the drawing board. πŸ™‚

          8. Snow White says:

            Ohhh Jaded. Lol
            That was a great guess.
            I have always the Rumpelstiltskin story.
            Especially the HG version.
            Keep them coming.

            Have you been getting out of your house?

          9. 1jaded1 says:

            Hi Snow White. It is busy season at work, so I’ve been getting out. How are you doing?

          10. Snow White says:

            Hi Jaded!!!
            I am back at work. It’s supposed to be 60 tomorrow but then back in the 20’s. I’ve been trying to take my dog out for walks and I’m doing pretty well at the gym.
            That’s my progress. Lol
            Nothing exciting but that’s still ok!!

            Still waiting for the tears to dry up. I keep thinking that there has to be at least one day that I won’t cry but nope!!!

          11. NarcAngel says:

            This is true. My hubs Grandmother named her boys Tom, Dick, and Harry which on their own are not funny but……also I watched a documentary about the railroad tycoons in America. One families last name was Hogg and insisted his daughter be named Ima. Im betting he was a Narc lol.

          12. 1jaded1 says:

            NA. Yah. Most cruel for the Ima Hogg. In instances like that, the doctor should be able to submit a change to the parent’s birth certificate “attesting” that they should have that name too. Send it to all the relevant agencies. If all of my grandma’s kids would have survived, she would have had 15. How much fun she could have had with the names.

            A classmate was known as you little sh*t. Lol.

            My cousin changed her name legally.

          13. NarcAngel says:

            Also……… i thought my name was You Liitle Bitch til I was 10 so I never care when people get my name wrong lol.

          14. 1jaded1 says:

            You said it made you laugh, but the guess was wrong.

    2. What did you come up with?

      1. Flickatina says:

        I am not 100% correct therefore I will not publicise my shame πŸ™‚

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Just like us.

        2. Haha. I’ve come up with many a colorful combination of what the initials HG stand for. All for our masters pleasure of course. The Tudor, or in certain circles known as “The Tude”, is a reference to the Royal Tudor name. Think King Henry the 8th. Off with their heads! Maybe I should change my name to Anna Belle Boleyn then I would still be ABB. I would have liked to hear your idea. You are not 100% sure or right with a Narcissist anyway. I say stab away.

      2. Love says:

        Flicka, don’t worry about what others think. I throw out ideas all the time. You never know, you may be right.

    3. NarcAngel says:


      Sorry. Idiot role has been filled by me so youre safe.

      1. Flickatina says:

        Damn! I wanted that role! 😁 I’ll have to be something else in this little play! What’s free?

      2. Flickatina says:

        I just usurped you.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Lmao. Not a chance. Stick around-I cant even claim wine. Laughing with you, not at.

      3. Flickatina says:

        Well no good story started with – I was just having a glass of water!

    4. NarcAngel says:

      You shouldnt be angry not to be considered equal to an arsehole lol. Sounds like you did great on your own and you can be with someone again if you so choose with no need to bury your feelings. That would just be letting Team Narc win. You have all the information here to help you avoid getting involved with another arsehole and to be happy. Be that chick.

  9. Flickatina says:

    I am listening to one of the radio interviews and HG mentions people talking about the “other half” I don’t think there are two words that enrage me more than those. I am not half a person because I am single. I do not NEED another person to make me into a whole person. I am a whole person in my own right.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      I hear you on that term. It is hard to find a term that everyone is comfortable with but I will give it that at least it implies that it goes both ways. That they are not whole without you. My StepN referred to us as YOU PEOPLE consistently. In hindsight I am glad he could make the distinction lol.

      1. Flickatina says:

        I can live with the term Partner – that at least suggests an element of equality.

        I think this is why I am so angry – I was never considered equal. If pushed, I would have considered myself to be better. I had a more stable life, I had overcome my own personal demons, I have a good job, my own property and a level of financial security. But clearly I was only ever seen as a target. Damn it – I am better than that.

        I have been on my own for a long time, I have brought my kids up on my own whilst building my career – I was not even looking for a relationship. Now I miss what I thought I briefly had – yes it was nice to be with someone – now I have to bury those feelings again. Which I will and relatively easily.

      2. 1jaded1 says:

        Someone was named that in fiction, NA. Who knows what his real name is? Throwing out guesses. Brave New World.

    2. Entertainment says:

      His voice is soothing, sex, and speaks with such confidence I didn’t hear any negativity. Lol, I guess I was under hypnosis. 😊

  10. Flickatina says:

    I have never understood why people want to change other people. We are who we are. I have no intention of changing for anyone – the merest hint of that will have me being even more like me than before.
    However….from the bits that I have read (and I was only pointed to this site on Monday) I would prefer to prevent the child that was, becoming the man that is. As that is never going to happen I must accept people for who they are and manage my expectations of them accordingly.

  11. Love says:

    I had a bad dream and willed myself to wake up. I was at my last narc’s residence with him and his new IP. I was trying to understand what happened to our relationship.
    I’ve never met the new IP and he still denies having anyone.
    The dream somehow morphed him and he became all of my past narcs.
    Talk about a nightmare. My past occasionally follows me, even when I try to forget. Thank God I woke up.

    1. Love says:

      Your article Asylum of the Grotesque came to mind… Except it was reversed, 1 empath and many narcs of the past. They’ve all been one and the same. Different names and places, higher or lower levels of malignancy …. But truly the same. Nothing unique or memorable to carry away from any one of them.

      Mr. Tudor, do you dream?
      Do you ever have nightmares of your past lovers?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        No I do not dream or if I do, I never remember.

      2. Love says:

        Interesting. Thank you. Dreaming happens during REM sleep. Given your lack of need for sleep, I wonder if you don’t experience the REM phase.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Perhaps you are correct.

      3. NarcAngel says:

        Do you think its possible you find nothing unique and memorable because they can only mirror you and you are familiar with yourself?
        In any case Im glad you escaped. Did you run behind a mirror?

        1. Backhanded!

      4. Love says:

        Good question NarcAngel. My Mids were smart enough to mirror me.. Or mirror what they had learned to be empathy. But the Lessers weren’t that smart. They were a ball of chaos, peaks and vallies of rage.
        Since my oath of celibacy πŸ˜‚, I’ve reflected on my past. This site and Mr. Tudor’s books have really helped me dig deep. I think I am jaded. I have been with too many of them. Too many experiences. I don’t know if there is a way back. Just like I don’t expect Mr. Tudor to change (nor do I want him to), I also can’t and won’t change.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Hey LOVE. You DO know I meant mirror the good things about you right? I did NOT mean that you were not unique and memorable. I meant that when they mirror your good things you recognize those but that they do not show you anything about THEM that is unique and memorable. As I have said eleswhere, most of them are the same man wearing a different mask on a different day. I explain for others as I expect you know by now we good, and if you werent sure youd clarify. (Ive seen your fangs lol).

      5. Love says:

        The interesting thing about mimicry is if you’ve experienced it your entire life, you can easily identify it as an adult. At least with mid level narcs. You immediately have a gut feeling that they’re being phoney.

      6. Love says:

        Ah thank you NarcAngel. I didn’t take your question in a bad way. Lol funny thing is I don’t think my narcs learned anything good from me. They came pre-programmed. One of them was hilarious. He was born and raised in the South (of the US). Yet occasionally he would end his sentences with an ‘eh’. Now, mind you, this man had never been to Canada. But he must have had a juicy little Canadian to mimic before me. At other times he would try to tell me he was raised on Asian cuisine as was part of his culture. Lol he didn’t have a drop of Asian blood in him. His mother even thought me how to cook her southern food. πŸ˜€

  12. 1jaded1 says:

    Because you think you can. A legend in your own mind.

  13. sarabella says:

    I was thinking today. I get random questions that pop up. But why does your kind make us feel so dirty? Its a theme in victims. Feeling incredibly dirty. I always thought it so odd. The Narc I now fancies himself a ladies man, good in bed, blah, blah. But after I was with him, I felt like dirt. Literally, dirt. I have never felt so humiliated, so ashamed of being with someone like I felt with him. I don’t know, maybe it was what flooded me as I figured out slowly what he was and what had happened to me.

    But for all your superiority, all your greatness, everything you get away with, you don’t just leave the destruction, but you leave people feeling really dirty about themselves.

    To me, that was part of the ghost trails left … this trail of dirt that still lingered on my body and soul that I am still purifying myself from.

    Does the awareness of this ugly effect get canceled out by the power of knowing you have made someone feel like dirt? Because you aren’t so superior if you make people feel dirty because in the eyes of most, that’s actually failure and you have to know that on some level. The narc knew he was a loser. Or that was part of his pity play? I am not sure. But since you are keenly aware of who you are, more than he is I think, is it mitigated by the fuel you gain from knowing you caused those feelings of dirtiness? You know you cause all this suffering, know it is fundamentally wrong, even if you can do all this, so what is it that you use to really make it work in your head? Or is knowledge never going to equal conscience and without the feelings, there is no real internal juggling act to make it right? Or is this whole construct WHAT makes it right?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The sensation of feeling dirty is more about what you feel as opposed to us actively making you feel that way. It is caused by us but it is your reaction, not an intentional outcome.

      1. sarabella says:

        But how common is it from your side? Do you become aware of this happening to people? Or are victims’ emotional responses varied, some leaning more to shame, or self blame, or humiliation?

    2. ANK says:


      That’s how I felt just before discard – I felt like he was treating me like a tart. All that bullshit at the beginning of “I want make sweet gentle love to you” and “I don’t just wanna f you” changed. It turned to lets have sex. In a bid to avoid discard, we may cross our boundaries, not that I ever did really, but I can see how some would start doing things sexually they were not entirely comfortable with and then end up feeling cheap and dirty.

      When his attitude in the bedroom changed, that was it for me – I actually told him I didn’t fancy him anymore, and I wouldn’t sleep with him again. His reply – “that’s good, I didn’t just wanna f you and put you down”. Well that’s what it felt like he was doing and I told him. He was too bothered really as his new was embedded.

      They have no conscience so will not acknowledge how wrong their behaviour is, hoe they destroy lives. There is a sense of entitlement – “I’ll do what I like, to who I like, for my benefit that’s all that I care about”.

  14. M. says:

    NarcAngel, you are so right. I have been reading this blog for some months now and I keep thinking exactly the same thing.

  15. Tanya says:

    I agree with Twilight. Let him speak. It’s somehow comforting to hear thoughts from the other side.

  16. Twilight says:

    NA I agree with you, I may have hope HG experiences love yet I fully understand and accept he is happy just the way he is.
    I am a empath, and yes I fight that desire to heal this little boy he once was, point being was, now he is a man with a very clear understanding of what and who he is with no plans of changing. That is the man I have come to respect, the man I have come to admire. I don’t have to agree with what he does and I never will, yet it is the fact he has been completely honest and open here that gained this and why I think he is perfect and don’t want him to change for many reasons one being who the hell will bring this knowledge to the forefront, who can write it out so eluqently so so many can understand, who will be there to answer so many questions, who will empower the empath on a level none have ever known. HG will and it has to be by the one who has perfected this dark art not some amateur but the best in the field.
    Seriously if you needed neurosurgery would you want an amateur or the best in the field?
    Personally I want the best, And you are not getting anyone better then HG.

    Sorry HG I have no idea what just came over me but had a crazy need to rant and say what’s been running through my mind for a while now.

  17. Hurt says:

    I can only speak for myself…. i can honestly say that the questions I ask here are purely out of interest and curiosity on the subject and has nothing to do with changing HG.

  18. NarcAngel says:

    I can see discussion about how things maybe came to be and perhaps even food for thought on occasion (although Im sure there isnt anything that hasnt been covered) but whats with the obsession with saving HG? He has consistently asserted that he has his own path and its not yours. People would be better to apply their efforts to cleaning up the shit in their own backyard. Hes providing information but I have never seen any evidence that he has asked for suggestions or help for himself. Empaths act like theyve got it all figured out and its like watching a religious cult with people wanting him to see the “right” (Empathic) way. How utterly pompous. I refuse to give Narcs all the credit. No wonder they believe their omnipotence. The bottom line is, if you are not a child and still involved with one then you are a volunteer and not a victim any longer, and how is he to take the advice from someone whos judgement is that skewed in their own affairs? Seriously, I have been taken to task for grammar by someone who had an affair and had a baby with a Narc. Also ranted on by people who misunderstood and did not ask for clarification or would not consider additional information unless it came from a MALIGNANT NARCISSIST. But lets save HG? Ya that will make the world right. Read the books to get the facts instead of snippets of info here and there if youre really interested. The blog is for exchanging information amongst ourselves about whats posted to aid in our healing. Discussion, humour, examples, and yes the odd rant-all good, but save a Narcissist? Howd that work out with yours? I’ll wait for the hate shower to begin but I can tell you you’re wasting your time, like I probably just did. I really do hope you all can all heal and move on.

    1. Entertainment says:

      Dang there goes that mic again.🎀🎀

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Just saw your post and note that we are of similar thought today.

        1. Entertainment says:

          Very much so…

    2. Love says:

      NarcAngel!!! You’re back! Yay! And asking for a shower too (lol golden perhaps?)
      Got worried about you for a second saying you’re tired of it all! We need you here to dish it out COLD as ice.
      Oooh, and I got you a t-shirt:
      “Have you saved your narc today?”

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Thank you LOVE. I just know on the back it says: Didnt think so.

    3. Matilda says:

      Have you ever seen a colour-blind person see colour, or a deaf one hear for the first time? A moment beyond their wildest dreams, yet real. I would like to see HG *feel* for the first time – the whole range of emotions. Watching from afar, we would be witnessing a life change for the better.

      We are gathered here in this sanctuary to learn and to heal… and once we have gained enough knowledge and strength, we will leave again… onwards to living healthier and happier lives… HG will be left behind, stuck in his old ways… he has not hurt us, he has been very helpful, so, that is probably why the Overly Hopeful in me wants a Happy End for him, too.

      1. Entertainment says:

        The majority here I would think are wishful and hope the the very best for HG. But we are also aware that he has no desire to change what works for him. I am not hopeful of a 360 degree change but ,he’s admitted that he’s become more aware of how we affected . Just maybe it could potentially lessen the salvage behaviours inflicted upon his victims.

      2. sarabella says:

        The irony. If we are empathz, of course we would want HG to heal. Lol. But how well did that work out? We also aren’t going to change our nature, so it is not even about accepting his path but about knowing some would even want to heal HG.

      3. NarcAngel says:


        I watched a documentary where a man was fitted with some device and was hearing his wifes voice for the first time. I laughed and said youll be sorry to the tv. But seriously, I can see people wanting that for HG but he has to want it for himself. He does not to date (see? still overly hopeful lol). I also see that you are in a different place than some. I dont believe you are still involved with your N, and it seems you are vigilant in it not happening again, but there are many here who keep clinging to some hope for theirs and stay involved, or claiming to be over them, analyzing data as to the chemical reasons these dynamics occur etc. While I do find that interesting, it appears not to be enough to stop them from still interracting with their N and doubt the data it has ever swayed HG. There was much talk about HGs possible contribution to a suicide in another post. Many shocked and with expressions of that will be on him, god help him, etc. This tells me they still dont get that he fears no repercussion even if he believed he caused it (which he does not). He does not believe he will be punished (at least not enough to stop), nor do I. Would this God have to wait until he dies to address it? Sparing anothers life to address HG after he has lived his? In any case, it demonstrates that they are still projecting their hopes and beliefs on a man who is courteous in listening but does not hear it.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          I maintain my perspective (or “hopes” and “beliefs”) on things not only from what is written here, but in correspondence off the blog privately. You see some pieces of the pie but not the whole pie.
          So this little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
          To each their own.

          1. NarcAngel says:

            Agreed. To each their own. That includes HG.

      4. Love says:

        Mr. Tudor, how can I see the whole pie?

      5. Matilda says:

        If it worked for him, he would not be in this situation now, forced into therapy, with some sort of additional reprimand looming. But good has come out of it, both to his and our benefit… there is progress… though I am aware that the more insight he gains from listening to us, the more effective he could be in his malice, if he chose to.

        — —

        I see no reason to change, I am not the one making other peoples’ lives a living hell.

        — —

        Yes, but he always has the option to unplug the hearing aid… and sweet silence will come over him once again! πŸ˜€

        I agree, you cannot force someone to want something. BUT if you have never experienced it, how do you know if you want it or not?! That’s when some ‘tough love’ might help, I think. Like the feral kitten that hisses and spits at you when you first try to touch it. It is aggression out of fear of the unknown. You slip into protective gear, and get on with it … soon enough, by repeated and constant interaction, they learn to associate you with good food and a gentle massage … that’s when the purring commences πŸ™‚

        Yes, we are all at different stages of the healing process (mine is out of my life). It takes time and much effort to break free.

        Well, forced therapy is testament to the fact that there are consequences to actions, even for a Greater. When they have gotten away with it for too long, they get overconfident, become too bold, or make mistakes, don’t they, HG? πŸ˜€

        Only time will tell, NarcAngel… in 20 years time, lets meet again, and find out if he has become a decent fellow! πŸ˜€

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Haha. The feral kittens scenario. I pictured a well fed and massaged HG going to battle in the Corporate world wearing a cardigan and bringing donuts to the next meeting. All due to his newly acquired sensitivity. Still laughing. He says he doesnt have nightmares but if he did that might be one of them. Seriously though i believe he thinks it would make him less ruthless and less effective and sadly that is usually the case for those driven to succeed. Especially in Narc riddled waters.
          Good point about being able to turn the hearing aid off.
          I would like to know more about your circumstances if you care to share. How you seized the power and effected your escape etc That may help others.

        2. Entertainment says:

          Matilda ,

          I was unaware that HG was being forced to go to therapy. Neither, did I know he was going to be reprimanded.
          At his level of awareness I would think that since he’s being forced the probability of him improving his behaviour is least likely to occur.

      6. Matilda says:


        I’d fully understand ruthlessness at work, as you cannot allow yourself to show weakness in the company of wolves! Maliciousness in one’s private life however, is unacceptable.

        Some kittens even fall asleep during massage … and while HG is sleeping peacefully, one could feed his soul with jolly good thoughts, whispered to his unconscious mind πŸ˜‰

        — —

        I can only say this much: mine was an upper Mid-Ranger, there was a lot of game playing involved, future faking hurt the most… the physical ‘escape’ was not the problem, as it is for many, as we were not living together… the emotional bond however, was so strong, I felt that I could literally not live without him.

        Giving up was on my mind in the aftermath, I did not care if I lived or died, as far as I was concerned my life was over… thoughts about my family and how such news would hurt them, held me back… to those who battle with similar thoughts, I can only say: take one day at a time, be kind to yourself, it WILL pass, you WILL get better, YOUR JOURNEY IS NOT OVER YET!!

        Once I crossed this valley, my fighting spirit returned… that’s when I stopped giving him what he wanted, simply because he did not deserve it… and I swore to myself that I would NEVER be toyed with ever again… the determination was unshakeable, but the execution was poor, as I continued to verbally lash out… it is fuel, and all fuel is good!… I did not know any better… as these battles were fought, I felt an immense urge for clarity, how it all happened, why I allowed it to happen… eventually, I stumbled upon the term ‘narcissism’, and a whole new world opened up for me… I read whatever I could get my hands on, days blurred into each other, no hunger or pain, just a racing mind and an unquenchable thirst for knowledge… I felt alive again… endless hours were spent listening to other victims, it’s very validating… and a feeling as if lightning struck when I finally came across ‘no contact’… that’s when I truly seized the power, once and for all!! He will never get another chance to hurt me. I am the captain of my ship!

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Good for you for seeing yourself through. I have never felt that strongly about anyone in my life. I simply dont feel it and yet I know I am supposed to so I fake it when it comes to someones death etc. I just think okay, now theyre gone. I have felt slight affection for some over others but mostly what I feel is a certain responsibility to others who do not have the power I believe I posess. I know that sounds arrogant but its true and I believe I was born with everything I need to survive and that others in your life are to teach you how to THRIVE (good or bad being in the eye of the beholder). I remember thinking at a young age that I could take the life before me without blinking an eye if I would not be punished for it and yet Im glad you did not make that decision for yourself. I mean that and yet I do not know you. Confusing. Different compartments. I wondered if I was a Narc but I do not have the ongoing need for fuel they do. I do however think I understand the addiction to that absolute feeling of power as I have felt it temporarily. If thats what they feel all of the time then I dont condone necessarily, but understand their drive to do what they do. Live and thrive Matilda now that you are free. Live for those of us that exist the best we can.

      7. Matilda says:


        Yes, it is not very likely, as he insists it works for him… it works on surface level *only*… it does not work at all on higher levels of existence, such as emotional and spiritual realms… yet if that is all he expects from life, so be it. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink.

        — —


        I did not know that such a dark place exists before I had met him… I did not know that you can love so fully and deeply… there is an existential danger in loving too much, when you feel you cease to exist as a person of your own… you need to be self-sufficient, because you never know when/if the other will leave you again… he did. without batting an eye-lid. To this day, I wonder how that is even possible… but they can do it.

        Perhaps you are a ‘normal’! πŸ˜€ You are self-sufficient, and that is necessary to thrive in this world. I have probably learned that as well by now… well, at least I hope so: it has not been tested.

        I have felt surges of power, too, at times in my life… you feel you are on top of the world, better than the rest, invincible… yet this feeling could never be my sole drive, it could never override WHAT GIVES LIFE MEANING… and that is love, empathy, joy… power is a meagre substitute for true meaning in your life!!

        When I was lying at the bottom of the abyss, too numb to feel or take in well-meaning advice, such as ‘get over it, there are plenty more fish in the sea!’- well, thank you, but that did not help at all, not one bit. I always turn to the written word… so, I started reading about the meaning of life… if I did not know why one should continue breathing, perhaps minds greater than mine could tell me… and they did πŸ™‚

        There is no going back… the narc is part of my past, and that is where he will remain… yes, it feels good to be free at last πŸ™‚

  19. Hurt says:

    HG please elaborate on how you feel about yourself.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      See my works.

  20. MLA - Clarece says:

    It’s not enough to be highly empathetic. You can do the things you do because we have a very high threshold for tolerance and even become numb to the painful acts you do. We tolerate because we want to honor our love for you and our relationship investment.

  21. Hurt says:

    HG are you happy with yourself or is it painful to be a narc? Do you see the need to change?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am content with what I am. I am effective.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Are you content with the constant inner war you have within yourself to not let the Creature out? I’d say you’ve gotten comfortable coping, not content.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Outwardly content.
          Inwardly comfortably coping.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            Hmmm, now I have Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb” playing in my head.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Most apt.

  22. So can I.

  23. Entertainment says:

    Unfortunately, there is no one. In a physical sense. Why are we obsessed with seeing this man change. He sees no reason too. HG is doing what works for him. I think it hypocrisy to come to his blog with hopes he will change his behaviour.
    Most of us aren’t willing to change our behaviour as empaths. And we shouldn’t,we consider our traits to be morally accepted.
    I don’t go to psychopath or serial killers blogs suggesting they change their behaviours. Neither, should we expect the same here. Let the chips lay where they may. When dealing with a person that has personality disorder its important for us to manage our expectations.
    Because, I can make you lose everything..
    Because, I can make you do as I say..
    Because, I can make you take your life..
    Because, I can make you believe my lies..
    Because, I can do as I wish…
    Because, I can get away with it..
    Because, I can …

    1. jarwithaheavylid says:

      He has affairs because he can. By staying with him, his partner allows him to. We are the ones who place the bar at a height relevant to our own self-esteem.

      Then again, like a frog in a pot we didn’t see it eroding away, and may not even know that we have none left.

      1. Entertainment says:

        I don’t think there’s a special someone for HG. It’s mind of matter, if he doesn’t mind then it doesn’t matter and for those that do mind it still doesn’t matter. I don’t normally do I think the child that wasn’t arrested or saved will wake up with an epiphany. I’m hopeful that his awareness and rules that he’s proclaimed to apply here will be applied to his daily life. Meaning if you have set boundaries/5 rules here and abide by them apply to daily interactions. Moreover, unless I missed the rules of a post or book I don’t know what in the hell they are.😊I have never seen him disregard the opinions of others.

      2. NarcAngel says:

        Love what you said. Placing the bar at a relevant height to self-esteem. Also the frog analogy is fitting.

  24. Luckyme says:

    I want to know why you are doing this! A lot of your post infuriate me because the predatory way you disclose information. Your not reformed so why? It’s not guilt or remorse or trying to help. So why?
    Fuel? You don’t care about anybody but yourself that’s obvious. So I’m
    Thinking for money at this point. Ok cool. I suppose your helping expose the real deal. I’m
    Wondering if you will ever talk about how it is a mental disorder a handicap and that you all need help so you can have a fulfilling life and relationships and feel real love. But I suppose that would mean you would have to crack that hard shell and the scared sad pitiful fractured man would appear and that just can’t happen. So I guess there is no hope for your type really. Buttttt I guess you can continue to enlighten us at this point it’s intriguing. My situation was with a person who is a celebrity and comes from a very famous family a legend even and maybe that doesn’t make a difference the behavior is the same but the dynamics were far more complicated. Anyway your a trip to say the least. You got me checking this out! And your making it easier to see the darkness and not wanting to go back to the shit situation.

  25. Snow White says:

    But you really only want the One HG.
    I wish she would come along soon.

    1. Oh, she will.
      But then she will begin to bore him.
      And he’ll be on to the next.
      Just like always.

      1. ANK says:

        Yep, they crave the excitement and revel in the power of being able to seduce. Once they been there done it and got the t-shirt, on to the next one to fulfill their need for excitement. They love the thrill of the chase.

    2. Love says:

      I’ve been coming along. 😁

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