A Dark Angel

 

a-dark-angel

 

I am regarded as a bad person. In fact, bad would be considered somewhat mild and I have been on the receiving end of epitaphs of “evil”, “satanic”, “malevolent” and “hell’s representative on earth”. None of those labels have bothered me in the slightest. Is that because they are true and I am content to acknowledge what my behaviour amounts to? Perhaps. The greater truth is that they were all delivered coated in emotion, dripping with fuel and the person hurling what they perceived as an insult at me was doing quite the contrary. They thought they were striking me down, belittling me and hurting me when they were just making me all the more powerful. But they were not to know this were they? Very, very few people actually understand why my kind behave as we do. Oh those who have the misfortune (their word) to entangle with my kind know all about our behaviours. They will sit you down and spend all day cataloguing every despicable deed, each aggressive act and all those malicious moments as if they were reading from a diary. That is how etched on people’s minds we become, how we infect their hearts and poison their souls. I know because I know what I do. I know because you show me how it affects you and you certainly do plenty of telling me (as well as anybody else who listens) because that is how embedded we become. We appear coruscating and shining and then we maim, cripple and injure. You know better than anybody else how it affects you but you rarely understand. How could you? You have no idea who you are dealing with. We do not appear with the letter N branded on our foreheads as a warning (although I suspect even if we did some people would still fall prey to us). You do not know what has wrapped its tendrils around you and you cannot be expected to know. It is not your fault although we will spend all of the devaluation and beyond telling you that it is. Those of our kind do think everything is your fault. They are programmed to think nothing else. I am worse. I know it is not your fault but the maintenance of blame is key to the upholding of control and the continuance of my dominance and therefore I will readily apply that which I know to be false in order to achieve what must be achieved. Again, you would not know this and whether you have become entangled with a Lesser, Mid-Range or Greater of our kind you become ensconced in trying to make us see, make us understand and achieve some kind of breakthrough. It is nigh on impossible. The Lesser is not programmed to accept it. You are trying to put a video cassette in a Blue-Ray player. It just will not operate. The Mid-Range must apply fault because he knows it provides him with a defence. The Greater of us understand what you are saying and know you are right but we will not accept it because we must remain superior.

Those you turn to for assistance do not understand either. Well-meaning family and friends struggle enormously to grasp what has happened. This is because they cannot comprehend someone can actually behave that way and it becomes easier to think you are the one with the problem, that you are over-tired, stressed (hell of course you are because we made you that way) and you are imagining things, mis-remembering and so forth. They do not want to become involved because that means trying to fathom it out and it is too hard. It also means shattering the façade we have created and it is so much easier to keep it intact and point to exhaustion/drink/drugs/hysteria and so on than grapple with understanding there is such a thing as a narcissist who love-bombs then abuses in the blink of an eye? Even those who do try to understand become jaded with the unrelenting news feed of abhorrent aberrations that you detail on a daily basis. Plus, people are ultimately too wrapped up in their own lives. Who would credit it? Selfishness from us and from them keeps you trapped.

Professionals offer some insight in varying degrees although few have actually experienced it and it is only those who have done so who can truly relate the full horror and the unrivalled brain-mashing, mindfuckery, soul-destroying rollercoaster ride of being entangled with us. Seeing is believing. The absence of truly experiencing what it means to be ensnared by us means that explanations fall victim to conjecture, theory and speculation.

This is where my good job arises. I am a bad man but I am doing a good, no a great job, by conveying to you why we do as we do, why we say as we say and allowing you to take on board this information and applying it as you see fit. This is not done as an altruistic act; such a concept is anathema to me. I have my own agenda and my own aims to achieve as a consequence of this sharing of knowledge. It also appeals to my malevolent outlook by empowering you, those who have suffered with our kind for so long, with the knowledge and tools to fight back. It entertains me to think that the provision of my information is causing consternation and mayhem amongst our kind as you, the empathic victims move on, fight back and progress. I owe my brethren no loyalty. It is one for one and damn the all. My methods are my methods are my methods. The useful consequence of my actions however is that finally you start to gain understanding. You realise what makes us tick. You finally realise that we operate to our own reality and our own logic. You realise how we see things and therefore it finally makes sense even though it does not make sense – if you see what I mean.

You grasp that it was an illusion. You understand it is lie upon lie upon lie. You realise why that was said, this was done and why it keeps on continuing. It still makes no sense to you from your perspective but then you begin to realise why to us it makes sense and that is why we do it. You understand that it is not about winning the battle but never fighting the battle to begin with because the odds are always in our favour. We make the rules, choose the rules, break the rules and remove the rules. It still takes time for it all to filter through and click into place but when it does – well, the effect is significant. The phrases you have heard so many times take on a new meaning. The actions which left you bewildered, hurt and confused now only hurt. You understand why we want you mired in emotion. It still takes you time to plough through that emotional sea but at least you now realise why you were thrown into it. Myths are dispelled, incorrect assumptions are crushed and you are given the very thing by which we operate and by which we succeed – cool, hard logic.

There is so much to convey to you. So much to detail from how we come into being, what we are trying to achieve, what we are seeking to keep at bay, why we keep doing what we do, why change doesn’t happen, why we choose you, why we never let go and so much more. All of it will be provided to you. It is brutal, it hurts and it is uncomfortable but then haven’t you had enough of the sugar-coated crap? Now it is time to swallow the harsh truth because that is what will ultimately set you free, that and your application of it to your own circumstances.

So, this is what I do. I write. I detail. I convey. I illuminate. You can keep seeing me as evil, bad and hellish. By all means, that is your choice, but I know you understand, at least most of you do, that this bad man is doing a good job. If you keep reading, keep asking and keep digesting, you will achieve your desired outcome.

All the errors, mistakes and failures you have committed and experienced can now be consigned to history as you embark on a different chapter towards your eventual freedom. No longer will you be hinderedbmy misunderstanding, hampered by confusion and mired in the wrong answers. For too long you have been led up the garden path, taken in circles and made the wrong decisions based on erroneous understandings. That was because you didn’t have me. After all, it takes a wrong doer to show you that you are doing wrong.

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167 thoughts on “A Dark Angel”

  1. There’s a lot of truth to this. Twisted, but nonetheless true. I think it’s all about what you take away from any experience, whether it’s good or bad.

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  2. You are not a bad man!! You do what you think you have to do in order to survive!! You would rather hurt then be hurt!! This is all you know!! Could you change? Probably! Do you want to? Who knows! That is your choice to make, know one else’s! All I know for sure is that I will never be able to thank you enough for all you have done for me! Before I found you I thought I was going crazy! I was ready to end my life! You and the knowledge you provide changed all that! The other people on the blog made me realize that I was not the only one out there going through this! My deepest admiration and respect will never be enough to repay you for giving me my life back, this I know! But to you dear HG that is what I have to offer you!! Thank you Good man, with a very damaged, broken, and guarded heart!! Xxx

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    1. He is a bad man Fool me 1 time. I am REALLY tired of people laying out what these people are and then saying, but so and so is a good person! The Narc that landed me in this mess is nothing but a male whore, cheats on everyone, never cared for his kids, tons of addictions, uses people left and right, may have had a role in some serious violence against someone, tried to steal from me, extremely manipulative, uses everyone yet, I Have heard he is a good person. But hell, if you add that all up, pray tell then what DOES make a bad person?!

      Don’t mistake understanding how someone gets how they are as a reason to in anyway diminish their badness. They are human, yes, but you want to add qualifiers, good or bad? They are bad. I am sorry. Too many people do this, so they get a ring of apaths, and Narc wannabees and even more people are hurt. HG even says it in this article, no one wants to get involved!!! so they turn away from victims and often, its easier for them mentally to align with the perpetrator. No, they are bad. They are bad for life on earth.

      Let his own personal final judgement day make the real decision. And we wont’ be around for that. It will be between HG and himself, how he leaves this earth and if he ever asks with that last break, what was it all about?

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Sarabella, you are entitled to your opinion as is everyone else on this blog! But you or know one else has the right to tell me what to say or think! I’ve had enough of that in my life and I’m done with it!! To me he is a good man! To you maybe not! I really don’t care what you think as you should not care what I say or think.

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    2. I can’t believe you said this you do what you need to do to survive !! You would rather hurt than be hurt ! We all have choices and control it’s up to us to apply them we know right from wrong and I have been on the end of a narcs hurt so you call it for no reason his demeaning of me and trying to make me feel worthless so he could gets his fuel to survive, what ever problems or battles we have in life we should deal with them not lay them at someone else’s door . I don’t think H G needs a fan club r wants one remember he is getting his fuel from the people on this blog , I could say if HG knows his behaviours damage then take responsibility for them and stay out of relationships to minimise the damage he causes

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      1. All I’m saying is that I respect what he is doing on the blog giving us the knowledge to never have this happen again! Whether you, he, or anyone else sees him as bad that is your decision and judgement to make know one else’s. If I do not agree that is my decision not anyone else’s. He was not the one that was bad to me, in fact he had only ever told us the truth as much as that may hurt at times.

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  3. The mere mention of your name seems to induce (in delicate social media account owners) a curious blocking hysteria.
    Describing themselves as ‘support’, they will not direct followers to information that may actually be more supportive than their own superfluous ramblings.
    Offer a non conforming view point and one is swiftly dismissed and deleted.
    It’s very odd.

    ‘#snowflakes’

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  4. What does bother you though? I know the negative fuel. I know the bait and switch. You say the words evil and bad have no impact on you and yet half of what you do is a response to managing your reactions to criticism. Denigration. Digs on your character.

    Other than the elaborate revenge scheming you detailed in your book, what is truly one way someone could destroy you? Other than lock you up in a cell with no hope of any fuel sources. Or is yours a slow self-destruction as you age, as your body begins to fail and your tricks wane (hard to lure romantic fuel in with ED but I watch the Narc do it but they always leave) … as some sense of your mortality creeps in?

    You can’t be indestructible. If so, then you really truly are broken beyond all repair. And really, every victim needs to just throw your kind out like trash. Sorry…

    But thanks for the service! It has really helped me in all honesty. Even if to understand that even if someone isn’t on the worse end of the spectrum, in some way, some of these games might be playing out for people and its helping me put up boundaries to so much nonsense in life.

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  5. Do you currently have multiple women that you have ensnarled to receive supply? If so, do they know who you are and what you write about? Or does the attention that you receive from your writings fulfil your need for supply?

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    1. I have an extensive fuel network Mel. They do not know who I am nor what I write about. The fuel from my writings is very low compared to that which is received in physical proximity and would not be sufficient to sustain me alone.

      Thus when people think I do this for the fuel alone, they are mistaken.

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      1. nom de guerre? Please share 🙂 Hold’em Good Tudor? Tear ’em up Tudor? The AttiTudor (Like the Terminator?).

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      2. He he. Getting my alternative chemistry set out for the science march. By then, cali will be its own country. Snickers.

        I bet you know how to march, Mr. Tudinator.

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      3. Indy,

        Yes, I am born and raised but have family in the south, East, and Midwest states. I have visited and stayed outside of California throughout the years and my plan is to spend retirement in another state or country.

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      4. I will organize a march to protest your teasing us all on your name, rumplestillskin! Henry the Great (HG)….28th. I am sure someone already guessed this though…way back…

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      5. Not sure if HG likes Hendrix, since he’s more from the Depeche Mode and probably Tears for Fears and Simple Minds era, but his folks might have liked him and it mostly just sounded nice with Lennox…;)

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      6. I have to second his preference for European 80s era music! Though Hendrix is undeniably amazing😊 I doubt his MatriNarc would go with such a hip name tho. She strikes me as old money and old classics….Henry. Unless she had a fling with a Latin man and named him Horchata or Horace😂

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      7. Keep my mind engaged, learning new words that’s sure to keep the monkey brain at bay. While looking up nom de guerre. I learned that you are a non de plume.

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  6. When I first read this I missed the objective and how you tied everything together in your closing.
    We all tend to reject negative things we hear in favor of positive ones, even if the negative ones are more accurate. Learning about our weaknesses or insecurities is emotionally difficult. For some people even reading about cognitive bias, which effects all of us, is shocking and depressing. As children we develop ways to avoid uncomfortable situations and information, and it’s part of how we’re able to survive. But those patterns grow too strong. It’s easy to blame other people, at least in our own minds, for many disappointments we experience in life that are our own damn fault.
    Anyone who offers the complete and difficult truth is easy to avoid in favor of those who tell us exactly what we want to hear, however limited or untrue it is.
    We all have the potential to do things we don’t think we can. Discovery requires risk and life provides chances for everyone to make their own positive discoveries. But there are natural rewards for seeking self awareness. It’s easier for people in our lives to reach out and tell us the good things about us we don’t notice, rather than the weak spots they bet we’re sensitive to and are therefore afraid to try and tell us. I appreciate you because of willingness to expose who and what you are without compromising your goals.and objective. Sometimes , I wonder if you are on of good doctors trying to beat this in our heads. Then, I wake up. True healing doesn’t start until self-awareness kicks in.
    We are searching for an illusion, the next great post. Anyone who allow us to tell our part or story. You’ve provided us with the information for closure everything else is within . We are holding the key to our own future.

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    1. Pleasing to read and agree with HG that the issues around narcissistic abuse has a whole lot to do with the ignorance, excuses, group mentalities, sense of belonging, failure of the system and eye rolling, mind bending lack of education as a whole. The only reason that narcissists are possibly the new world order,’ is due to the time consumption constraints as it would take endless hours of not only the victims time, energy to explain and those receiving it do not have the time, won’t make the time. Quick fixes don’t cut it with this personality disorder. Immediate gratification, quick solutions and the deterioration of our human qualities are favouring the increase. There are no real statistics, FFS it is guessing games and those who are appointed to do the job are skimming the surface without any real or meaningful grasp of this. He is right, this has been the ongoing struggle of a narcissists victim. Clones are all about us, clones wearing glasses though their eyesight is faultless, worshipping our bodies to the point of how much per annum are not only women but men now spending of their annual salary on falsifying themselves? Masks for this, masks for that, eyelashes, mink eyelashes, refills, nails, refills, implants, false boobs, false muscles, false hair, fake teeth, fake smiles, botox, collagen fillers, cosmetic surgery addictions, addictions, addictions all around us. Spray Tans, 24 hour gyms, personal trainers, pedicures, manicures bullshit everywhere! Our society is teaching the upcoming generations to be narcissists and we are all guilty in some small or large way. This may be viewed as malignant self-love, it may be viewed as replacing oneself and discarding the a la natural, whatever it is telling ourselves that we will not be accepted the way we are inclined to be, naturally. That is the mindfu*kery of it all! Oh and for the tattoo trend, all those chic’ tatts will be on very aged skin and in nursing homes one day and although it is an individual thing, impulses and trends are being followed like a religion and so much is immediate, not thought out in the long-term. I picture a beautiful dining experience and an elegant woman in the finest of evening gowns covered in tatts. Each to their own, I struggle with the order of (our current time) and selling ourselves so short. The old saying, if you can’t beat them join them, is applicable for the most. Give ourselves a big pat on the back!

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  7. I see you, HG.
    Sitting on the dock,
    Feet dangling into the water below.
    Just you & your Dark halo overhead.
    Armed with your fishing rod, “Honesty”,
    And your tackle box of insindious thruths,
    And and endless supply of the finest bait in all the world.
    Patient. Alone. Brave. Omnipotent.
    Yes, just you your Dark halo,
    What’s that I see?
    Oh! You’ve cast your lure now!

    “What kind of fish are you after??!” I shout in your direction, revealing my position of observation, desperate for your gaze, waiting with baited breath for your hopeful reply…
    My wish has come true!
    You cock your head to the side,
    And pierce me with your lovely gaze.
    You flashed your winning smile in my direction and all the butterflies in my tummy burst into the wildest flutter.
    “ALL OF THEM, naturally,” you replied confidently, smiling ever so politely at me.
    ——

    I see whatcha did there, HG, the earnest GE.
    Title: Dark Angel
    First sentence: “I am regarded as a bad person.”
    Body outline: Honesty is my gift. You should be grateful. I told you so. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Statements of Entitlement. Admittance of Agenda. Never Accountable.
    Conclusion: “After all, it takes a wrong doer to show you that you are doing wrong.” -empty admission as a wrong doer as that word is used in context of our world view, and therefore invalid. We are the wrong ones, we can “be” right, IF we take your advice and don’t fuck up the execution right?.. or so you claim. Big reveal: we need to change our behavior to survive your kinds’ behavior. Right? That’s what we’re doing wrong currently as a collective whole as you know us: we’re not cooperating very well, are we? You hypothesize us to be wrong EVEN WHEN WE LEARN THE TRUTH. Such is your position in revealing it to us, correct? If we all flock to you for such covetted information to control the infestation of your kind, you get ALL THE FUEL IN THE WORLD. When (not if) we fail, you will know God-like status. If we succeed, we’ll come for you last. And that can’t happen, now can it? It won’t because there’s a catch…. Ommissions among admissions? Who knows, but, no magician EVER reveals the deceit in his trade Mark trick. You’ve got some of those up your sleeve, yet. And there you will ensure they remain. Forever.
    Logically…

    So then. Let’s see how many of us fish you’ll catch with your honesty, indisious truths, and your eloquently written works: the finest bait in all the land, Dark Angel. A New World Order is at hand, yes? Let the compliments, praise and thanks flow!
    -Freckle Meadow, Carrier Empath Scapegoat

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    1. I also enjoyed reading your book report Ashley. I’m curious as to who this ‘we’ is that you write about? “If we succeed, we’ll come for you last”. Is this you and your army of informed empaths who’ve ‘seized the power’? Well good luck to you all!

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      1. I agree Ashley.

        Oh but they do post HG. You might not have chosen them in your physical world but they exist alright in this virtual one and have appointed themselves.

        Kitted out with their very own shades of narc entitlement “even HG agrees with me” is their battle cry. They’re the ones jumping on other posters’ comments to belittle them because they feel their experience has been far more damaging than the one they’re belittling! Passive aggressive much? Blimey.

        And they mistakenly think they “get it”. They certainly don’t get the point you’re making with this blog HG.

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  8. Thank you for the insight. As always, I find your views very interesting and can apply so many things to the healing process. Good/bad, right/wrong, we are all f’ed up in some way. Any chance you will stop hurting the people in your life for sport?

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  9. Not only do I understand the narcissist machinations and how they apply to my “main narc” but now I understand ALL narcissist machinations and how they manifest in almost all people. Even the kindest of people can dig in their heels and use any and all of the methods.

    My own fury was ignited today due after being subject to a variety of game-playing, manipulation and obstinance. All in a day of honest work. Not to mention to the political atmosphere and discourse at large.

    You are a dark angel in very dark times, dear HG.

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      1. Lol Ashley I didn’t f*ck you over. I didn’t tell you to get involved with a narc. Don’t take your pain out on me. Own your SH!T and I will own mine. I can feel however I want 😘

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    1. Love,
      I’d like to see how you and HG would play out. My guess…..fast forward months after and see a sleepy, broken love wondering what the hell happened, who am I? How did I get here? Wailing “He’s Gone!” As your being hauled off in a straight jacket. HG arm and arm with new IP walking off into the sunset. New IP says:”who was that?” HG:”I have no idea. Let’s talk about me, er, us! I think I will nickname you Love. What do you think?”

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      1. ABB, you really think I have a shot with Mr. Tudor??? Can dreams come true? Oh thank you for giving me something to fantasize about all day 💃 🌈 💃

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      2. HG is an equal opportunity employer. You definitely have a shot. If you got fuel you have a shot. I’d say you are definitely in the running. Now get on out there and take one for the team! Good luck! Oh and don’t forget we all want the details. 😉

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      1. I’m curious as to why I should, NSS?
        I’m filled with a lot of emotion!
        I express myself freely. I don’t spew hate onto others nor do I lash out because of my past experiences.
        How do my words cause injury or anger?
        Who am I hurting when I go skipping about chasing butterflies?

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      2. No offense at all NSS! I am honestly curious as to why people get so bothered by my flirting and admiration of Mr. Tudor. It seems to be a worse crime than coming on this blog and cursing him out for being a narc.

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  10. HG,
    You have told The Truth. I have no idea about you, do I? It’s so scary and exciting. Why? Because I am just that crazy stupid to believe you. You are never out of control. I can only ever be a victim. So enticing and devastating. I really do like you, er, me. So sadly there is never going to be a connection. It is all a game of control. Push pull. So sad when you provoke moments of clarity. 😭 I really do like the illusion. I guess I will go buy an African Grey Parrot and name him HG. 🐦 I just need a voice sample from you with a few choice sentences. He will be residing in my bedroom. 💙

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  11. Your Emptiness,
    Your prose is redondant and laks the sharpeness of a focused mind. You bear too heavily on a first good idea. Renew yourself, change your disk.

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  12. Is evil even a choice? You never made a choice to be evil.

    In regards towards entanglement, that is not exactly a choice either, but I do think that people do not take enough responsibility for their own entanglements. Curious on your thoughts on this. I suspect total responsibility is the only way to gain true power over your circumstances.

    We all have our own agendas, even benevolent ones are usually self motivated, regardless of your diagnosis, or lack thereof.

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  13. Good and bad is often very subjective and tends to have no clear boundary. Its suffice to say you are doing an important job. Also something just popped into my head is if any narcissist has a chance at recovery its the greater kind, as a whole lot of work is already done, but then again that understanding has also been ‘misused’ for as long as it existed, so a real catch 22. But i will wait and see what hapens. Its actually kind of interesting.

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  14. Wherever your motives lie, I am forever grateful. You might be a “bad man” with your own motivations for keeping this blog, but people will make of it what they will, of course, as these lessons can apply to a wide variety of situations. Us empaths owe you a debt of gratitude, in my humble opinion, because we can arm ourselves with the tools (this knowledge you freely give) to liberate ourselves from the Narcs that have pained us for so long …and, perhaps, in the process mete out a little justice of our own in the process by taking back control & shaking up their perfect little worlds.
    I am currently escaping a combination Mid-Range/Greater MatriNarc of my own. She’s a crafty adversary, but I will have the last laugh. My departure is imminent. Just a few weeks more!
    I will be implementing no contact, but am unsure as to how this will play into the years to come. I have a “Narcissibling” who isn’t too abusive or toxic to me as of yet, but as my parents age and their health declines over the next decade or two, the empath in me almost cannot turn away completely out of a sense of duty and love (even after so much harm and betrayal). I am at a loss for how I will handle this in the coming years. I hope with my hard-won freedom the path to take will become more clear with time.
    Though I’m certain you could care less about my telling you this, I don’t mind that your heart is effectively dead to any of our circumstances as victims of narcissistic abuse.
    The intellectual in me absorbs every word and sees your sophistication & superb intelligence through your writing. It’s uncommon to come across a blog such as this just by your skillset with the written word (nevermind the rarity that it’s also a Narcissist’s point of view).
    Your pathology, per-se, doesn’t lessen my gratitude. I enjoy your blunt, brutal honesty even when it feels like a punch to the gut. And with every post that I read your callousness hasn’t killed this almost “affection” I feel for someone who has given me so much by way of insight (both self and other). The empath in me will always wish you well. We are what we are. There’s no judgment or hate here, only respect.

    Thank you, Sir. Whoever you are. I will remain, as ever, a devoted follower! 🙂

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  15. Thank you dark angel as I was too about to loose my mind about 3 or 4 months ago and have made considerable progress in just understanding, healing, thinking, and letting go of that old life that I don’t longer desire. The pain is still there, and so is anger, but logic is gaining the upper hand… Thank you.

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  16. When I was lying in bed last night being subjected to the 5th law of thermodynamics whereby all heat in the universe is transferred to menopausal women (the 4th law states that all heat in the universe is transferred to hotel rooms) – I toyed with the idea of dating sites – I wondered what my profile would be in order to be honest about my expectations. Then I thought about Sheldon Cooper and decided on a Relationship Agreement. This is what I came up with – what would you all add/remove?

    1. Ranking. It goes – my boys, my cats, my family & friends, you. This is not subject to change.
    2. As part of the relationship, you will be welcomed into my considerably large family with open arms. This will involve many amusing emails, much loud discussion and culminates in an awesome annual party involving tennis tournaments. Should you cross me, we will turn on you quicker than you can say “I shouldn’t have done that”.
    3. You are encouraged to keep up with any hobbies/interests. Should you be a cricket fan, you have virtually my entire family to enjoy this with. You are encouraged to enjoy these hobbies/interests with your friends as normal. I will even provide food & drink for your friends should you require it. Naturally you will show your gratitude & appreciation. I will accompany you if you desire. You will be told that I am competitive. You will make no comment as I scream like a banshee at the opposing team. You will not raise your eyebrow as I call forth the powers of darkness to ritually slay the opposition in order for me to bathe in their blood. You need to know that I have no interest in the outcome but if losing makes you unhappy, it makes me unhappy. Don’t rely on my family to support you in football – they are Charlton Fans.
    4. You do not need to buy me gifts. I will always appreciate them but I do not need them. Suitable gifts will be Yankee Candles, bath bombs, Irregular Choice shoes and when the relationship is at a suitable point, a gold Pandora bracelet. I will buy you gifts without the expectation of receiving one back. That’s not how it works. I buy you stuff because I like to.
    5. There are certain bedroom activities I will not do. These will be agreed upon in a separate agreement. Anything else is subject to experimentation on the understanding that if I don’t like it, it goes on the list and is never referred to again. You may tell your friends about any bedroom activities as long as I am seen in a positive light.
    6. You will not disparage the music I like. The following are off limits – Green Day, My Chemical Romance, Muse, Panic! At the Disco, Fall Out Boy, Queen. I am happy to have reasonable discussions on anyone else. We will never discuss X Factor/The Voice/A N Other reality talent show winners. When we are in the car, regardless of who is driving, I pick the music. I will sing along. You will tell me I have a fabulous voice even though we both know I do not.
    7. You need to be aware that there is a list – if by some miracle of the universe, any of the men on this list become available to me, I will throw you over in a heartbeat. A hummingbird’s heartbeat. Included on the current list is Sean Bean, Misha Collins, Jensen Ackles, Mark Pellegrino, Benedict Cumberbatch, Kiefer Sutherland. The list is subject to change except for Sean Bean. He will always be at the top. You are encouraged to have your own list.
    8. If you ever raise your hand to me, it is over. I will bring down the full wrath of my family and friends upon you. It is unlikely you will survive this.
    9. There will be honesty. If you wish to end the relationship, just say so. Do not ever threaten to end the relationship. That will end the relationship. Do or do not. Do not use such behaviour as to make me end the relationship for you. I will not and I will take perverse pleasure in keeping hold of you until you crumble. Do not lie to me. Ever.
    10. You will love me for who I am – that said you will fully encourage and support any diet I am currently on and will drag me kicking and screaming to the gym. When at the gym you will follow the principles set down by my Personal Trainer.
    11. You will not complain when I go on holiday with my friends. You are welcome to accompany us on the understanding that from the moment we land, the only time I will pay you any attention is when we go to bed. Or I need another drink. You will not comment when I flirt with young handsome waiters – you will understand that I just want to get free drinks.
    12. If we ever live together, we will contribute equally to the deposit and running costs of the house. You will understand that wherever I live is also my children’s home They may come and stay/live as they choose. Should one of us die, the property will be sold and all equity will be split 50/50. Should we split up the property will be sold and all equity be split 50/50. Any furniture I bring will remain with me or my children.
    13. You will never refer to my savings. You will not enquire about them, you will not suggest using them. Any mention of them will end the relationship.
    14. The only time you will ever enter the bathroom when I am in it is when I am enjoying a bubble bath and my wine glass needs refreshing. What happens after that will be by mutual agreement.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I like your attitude, Flickatina: you know what you want. But have you considered the average male attention span? It’s probably about two minutes. 😀

      So, my advice would be: keep it short and simple on the page, in the style of The Ten Commandments! If the first two dates go well, the third date would be the perfect time to introduce him to your rules, neatly presented in a professionally printed booklet to take home! 😀 If he is interested in a fourth date, you might have found a good apple. If not, it’s his loss, not yours. 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Matilda, very true about the short male attention span.
        Love the relationship agreement Flicka! Create a PowerPoint presentation from it. Use lots of visuals and animation instead of words.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. The truth hurts, doesn’t it, HG? 😀 By the way, that’s nothing in comparison with what you are uttering on a daily basis…

        — —

        Yes, a solicitor’s stamp on it will give your little book of rules more gravitas. It signals that you mean business! 😀

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      1. No misandry on my part HG – nothing wrong with getting it all sorted upfront. Happy to review the man’s agreement – if fact I will be incredibly generous and write it for him. Look – I saved him all that trouble! How very kind of me 🙂

        Like

      2. Janet – I have to say that I have been nowhere close to where the majority of you have been. I suffered the indignity of a 3 month relationship that was mostly cancelled dates, silence and frustration. I was led here by a friend because I was distraught. My eyes were opened and I have applied the knowledge to my earlier life as well. I haven’t really had much to get over – mostly my own shame and fury at being taken in.
        Keep laughing – it releases endorphins!

        Liked by 2 people

      1. I was hoping to see other people’s ideas! 🙂

        I really wanted to add Brendon Urie to my list but he falls short of the half your age plus seven rule 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh I have many an idea. But you were very specific and did not leave alot of room for modification. I guess my dating profile would be….
        1. Want to get laid? My husband isn’t giving it up. Lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Hi Flick .

        There’s no shame or indignity where narcs are involved . They do what they do . If you think about it none of us would actively agree to abuse would we? You saw him for what he was & escaped . Be proud of yourself .

        NNS x

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Thank you NSS – and thank you for pointing this site out to me. It’s become my new obsession – a whole world I had no real idea existed – lots of new information to take in and more importantly – armour!

        Love you lots xx

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Flicka,
      You had me at cats before men hehe….btw I had an ex that resembled keifer lol 😂 My get out of Jail card currently is either Tom Ellis or Ralph Fiennes….though that Canadian PM has also made his way i there too hehe
      Indy

      Liked by 4 people

      1. I just watched the new episode. Are you trying to get me over on team Tom to distract me? Wait maybe HG is Tom! Total mind blower!

        Like

  17. You have helped me understand the thought processes of my ex and in doing so have freed me from the prison of my own mind’s making. Healing is a journey I have only just begun but I am thankful I found this site for it has surely sped the process along. Thank you, HG.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Interesting read. Keeping me focused. Perhaps the sentence ‘it is nigh on impossible’ should read ‘it is impossible’. You are what you are and so are others. I look forward to other posts. I am quite enjoying them x

    Like

  19. I wonder – do you enter each relationship with the ultimate intention of destroying that person? Or is that just a byproduct of their inability to live up to your expectations?

    Some things I read on here suggest the latter but sometimes I wonder if it’s the hunt, torture and ultimate obliteration of your victim that you really like.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Do those who do not know what they are get as much fuel from people? I mean – wouldn’t knowing you are draining people be sweeter than just doing it out of instinct?

        Like

  20. I wonder about your classification of greater, mid-range and lesser. Do you know if there is agreement on this to be found in established academic psychology?

    I find many of your descriptions of narcissistic patterns so very accurate that they could be word for word scripts of psycho-torture I have experienced.

    That induces a mood of believing that everything you write is correct, but still find that hard to believe. The personality and self must surely have more degrees of freedom than conforming to certain patterns and classifications. (?)

    Regarding fuel and altruism/empathy. In the long run we are just machines at a stage to push forward our DNA in time. To the gene altruism is just selfishness.

    Like

    1. Hello Neurocolls, no I do not know if there is agreement on this in academic psychology. This is my classification based on experience, observation and considered analysis. It also effectively communicates the schools in terms of identifying them, how they behave, what they will do and so forth which enables people to grasp the principles and apply them in a far easier and effective way than turgid esoteric academia.

      In a war you need to know how to fire the gun, you don’t need to understand the fancy terms of what makes it work.

      Liked by 2 people

  21. Good morning HG,
    As I have read many of your books and have read this blog daily for months, I am well aware of how you treat your targets and what damage you have done to people in your life. But you have done nothing but answer all my questions and have saved me from going to a life full of lies, manipulations, and false love. You were the only one who had the knowledge in the form that I was able to understand.
    I have enjoyed learning and hearing your personal stories. Those always assist in my continued understanding.
    I didn’t think of you as a bad man before and I still don’t.
    I still am grateful for all your time and patience. I will remain a dedicated reader.
    Thank you

    Liked by 4 people

  22. I do not think its him though. You see, HG has a deeper more baritone voice. Back to thinking he is in top ranks of the Royal Army and in Parliament, planning naughty things with spies.

    Like

      1. Right Flicka? Something about a military man. I think it is that they were beat down and built up and have this level of self discipline that is so attractive to me. But, they can be a bit rigid at times…always these time schedules and things have to be this way or that. But, those bums…oh those bums.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Many apologies for the comparison, especially if it is anything like soap operas in the US. And, he has a stare that is sexy intense, with an evil smile too when he plays Lucifer.

        Like

  23. Yes, you are doing a good job, HG.
    MatriNarc may have been right when she told you you were to do great things. I do not think this is what she had in mind though 😉
    Thanks HG.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am genuinely considering putting it on a dating site – purely to see what kind of responses (if any) I would get. There must be men who would appreciate being dominated (and I don’t mean in THAT sense) by a woman? I don’t think I would have any respect for a man who was content to be controlled by me – I need to be controlled.

      Like

      1. It seems that quite a lot of men like being emasculated. One guy even said he had read my profile word for word and it made him want me even more. *scratches head*

        I did leave a couple of things out – I don’t think bedroom activity talk and how we would split the proceeds of our house sale are suitable for a dating profile.

        I did leave the bit about the gold Pandora bracelet though – I live in hope!

        Like

  24. I just thought about the N I was involved with last year as a kind of “dark angel.” I feel sorry for him, although I think he would prey on me for all eternity if he could. I think he enjoys hurting me more than anything else, but he thinks of this as “love.” I think he is both jealous and contemptuous of my empathic qualities.

    I think he DOES feel tortured by who/what he is; I also think he is aware of his motivations (he is aware enough to allow them to surface sometimes, when he will warn people, or describe what he does in a flat tone without any affect). Other times he claims he is unaware of his manipulations. I don’t think he was BORN this way (he is not psychopathic). His mother smothered and spoiled him and his father neglected and emotionally abused him (and emotionally abuses the mother). He was sexually assaulted by an older girl when he was twelve–his initiation into the world of sex. I think he has had this disorder for a while, and it’s more about a lack of something–or a deep, deep insecurity, mixed with a high sense of entitlement and low (or selective) empathy–than anything else.

    He raped me, because he decided that was the way to torture me the most, and he calculated that he could get away with it. He would not have ever attempted it in a way in which he could not (he is a coward). He got me to open up to him during the love-bomb phase and acted incredibly supportive of me telling him about my history of sexual abuse and assault. He demonstrated knowledge of the effects of sexual abuse, opened up to me about his past, and acted as though he cared (although he pressured me into sex on our first date in spite of my “no’s”). He used me for sex, though, until he began to feel that I was the more powerful one, and until he began to feel insecure and jealous and competitive; then he decided sexual abuse was the way to feel empowered, to dominate and control me. He was remorseless in this. After months of trauma, when I decided to forgive him, he lured me back, and immediately raped me again. I think he was extremely angry with me for calling him a rapist and for correctly identifying him as a narcissist.

    However, what he does is mirror. He mirrors first what he thinks you want, and then, in the devaluation, he mirrors your worst fear. This can destroy you or it can motivate you to realize what it is about you that you have not changed, that seemed vulnerable to this person who preyed upon you (or who used to it to prey upon you). Though I don’t blame myself for falling prey to him–his cover was good, and I very empathetic to people with mental illness–how he chose to victimize me has to do with unaddressed issues in my life that are giant spiritual and emotional blocks, holding me back. That he caused me a year’s worth of horrible pain and asking the question “why?” is beside the point. I don’t think he knows the answer to that question either.

    However, since what he does best is mirrors, he did indicate something very important to me: that I need to come to terms with something that is holding me back and then he immediately saw like he’d notice a bright red oozing sore on my face. Also, that I deserve much, much better.

    None of this is to say that there isn’t a real person in there, but unfortunately the real person has been subsumed by the false self and by the cruel malice he uses to shield his vulnerable self (what he calls “the monster”). I think of him as a dark angel in that sense, but what he is doing is self-destructive as it’s only the baser part of him that wants to leave a trail of destruction in his wake (violence is the poor man’s claim to fame in your life); what he really wants is LOVE, and he will always screw it up and self-destruct, because he hates himself, and doesn’t think he is worthy of love. He will always seek to destroy his love object the moment that love object ceases to be an object and starts to become too human, to question him or to “malfunction” in any way. He will destroy even those who love him, perhaps especially those who love him.

    And although the small “good” part of him probably wants me to succeed and get better, the larger part of him which wants to have power over me would like to see me hurt by this forever. I do believe that one part of him thinks my pain was simply a collateral outcome to him pushing to achieve his desire after I rejected him and that it was not the goal; but I believe to another part of him it is the goal. And the goal is not to destroy me entirely but to keep me crippled and hurting forever, because it’s a way he can get to stay in my head forever, since he doesn’t believe he ever would have held my love. It’s really, really sad, actually. But he did teach me something, even if it was by accident; and it was not by accident that I found him.

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  25. I will have to admit that regardless of your motives (my first guess is that you are most likely doing this to gather positive fuel and that you care nothing at all about either your own kind or those on team light side), but…, regardless of your motives, you at least appear to be assisting team light side.

    Turning on lights where there is darkness is indeed serving the light even if your motives are, well…, not something that anyone one on team light side would be motivated by.

    Like

  26. HG have you always known what you are? And were you diagnosed only because you finally got into legal or criminal trouble? And do your new sources of fuel know what you are?

    Like

  27. H.G. Thank you for that wonderful piece. Yes, it still hurts to know that I was used, lied to and deceived for so long but because of you and all of your wonderful articles and books, their is enlightenment and the essential tools you teach to see the red flags coming to those of my kind. Just curious do you think there will come a time when those of your kind can believe that you can truly be loved for who you are? I am aware that this disorder came about because of ineffective parenting and lack of nurturing; something all children need to have a sense of self and worth. So, wouldn’t it be great to not have to seek fuel every minute of every day, to just know that you are wonderful and lovable as you are?

    Like

  28. I saw this post awhile back and I remember that it reminded me of one of the song’s I had written, more recently, about HIM. I called it ‘Black Angel Wings’ . It was perfect. My back pack was stolen and inside was the song. It does not matter. I remember most of it. Some lost though as I wrote it while I was in an emotional state and the moment captured beautifully.

    Like

  29. Hey HG,
    Lansealan from SoCal again.

    Couple of thoughts and comments…
    Like your style and appreciate your business “savvy”. I’ve read several of your books and posts.
    Another great and “educational” article btw…no matter how disturbing it is to the empaths “psyche”.

    Seems I haven’t read very much from you on the topic of “FLEAS”??? Was in a LTR with a comorbid high-functioning BPD/NPD For over 6yrs and noticed I was morphing into a mirror image of her(mostly the NPD traits). She then proceeded to use this “learned behavior”(in mho) or fleas of mine against me. Obviously to further her seemingly never ending agenda. Towards the end she constantly urged “couples” counseling which she said was for “better communication” LMAO! Fortunately, I saw through her facade and realized her motives and intent for more devaulation. I estimate(lol) her to be mid-range. Pretty sure she detests my abilities to see through the “ghost”.

    Anyways, long story short…can you point me to any of your posts relating to “FLEAS” or aberrant learned behaviors? If not, maybe you could “whip one out” with your masterful mind and expediting skills…lol.

    Appreciate your considerations and thanks HG,
    Lanse

    Like

    1. There are no such things as narcissistic fleas. It is the manifestation of narcissistic traits which are usually outweighed, kept in check by the higher empathic traits. Sometimes this does not remain the case. Please see the articles about the Super Empath and the Empathic Supernova and this will address what you are thinking of.

      Like

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