Ten Narc Grenades


1. You never….

The precursor to a criticism of how you do not do something for me. It is a twin explosive assault against you because not only do I tell you that you are failing me by not doing something for me I also choose something that you actually do carry out. By suggesting that you no longer do a particular act or say a certain thing, when you actually do so, I intend to leave you speechless with exasperation and confused as to just how I can say such a thing. You will be stunned by such a blatant contradiction and this will result in your emotional response coming to the fore, rather than a reasoned one. All the better fuel for us.

2. You always….

The flipside of the above and likely to be tossed in your direction not long after the above narc grenade. The allegation of “you always” will be followed by some put-down and criticism highlighting a behavioural trait of yours which we deem unsatisfactory. Once again we will actually highlight something that you do not do in order to perplex you. You will defend yourself against this scandalous accusation and once again erupt in an emotional manner.

3. I’m sick of you controlling me.

Thrown at you in order to project our own rampant control of you. This is also used to deflect any criticism of us when you chastise us for our behaviour. Any attempt from you to point out the error of our ways or even to try to help us in some way will be met with this response. We do believe that you are trying to control us, by trying to break our own control of you and we cannot allow this to happen. It is through our control that we gain what we want from you and therefore any threat to this must be met with something that will knock you off balance. Accusing you of the very thing that we are doing will cause such astonishment and consternation that our aim is fulfilled.

4. My ex wouldn’t do this

A narc grenade of triangulation and who better to do it with than your predecessor. By implying that your predecessor has some form of superiority to you, after all the smearing of her name we did when we first ensnared you, not only will you be taken aback by this sudden volte face, you will also be mightily offended at being compared to someone who we hate so viciously. Drawing you down to her apparent level always brings forth a reaction from you.

5. My ex would do it

Another flipside whereby we are seeking to coerce you to do something for us, something which you are evidently reluctant to do. You have reservations and no doubt with good reason, but that does not matter to us. You are our extension and therefore you ought to be complying with our wishes without hesitation or refusal. By triangulating you again with she who went before you we are threatening that you are inferior to her and raising the prospect that you will be soon dispensed with if you do not do what we want.

6. I love you but I don’t like you right now

This carefully crafted narc grenade will shatter you as it appears as a compliment before ripping your heart out as you struggle to comprehend what we have just said.Surely if we love you, then we must also like you? What do we mean by saying this? It creates confusion and will have you trying to persuade us to both love and like you. What we mean when we lob this grenade towards you is “You say you love me but you will not do what I want.”

7. If you loved me….

We know that you are a love devotee. A passionate supporter and believer in the concept of love and we use this as grenade to about compliance. We know that you take pride in your integrity and decency and therefore you have standards to always uphold. By suggesting that your failure to act in the manner we want or that your disagreeing with us is somehow representative of you loving us less, we are challenging what you stand for. This will always force you to react by stating your case, reacting in an emotional fashion and ultimately doing what we want, in order to prove that you do indeed love us.

8. You are over reacting

A favourite to make you react even more. You take matters seriously and there are many things that we shall do which will cause you to respond in a serious and concerned fashion. By using this grenade, we belittle you and cause the issue to be about your reaction rather than what we have actually done.It acts as a brilliant way to deflect discussion and dissection of our behaviour and instead causes you to try to prove that you are not over-reacting, which will invariably actually heighten your response.

9 I can’t deal with this right now

Our grenade that is thrown in order to provide us with an escape route from any crisis or situation that requires us to be either accountable or supportive. We do neither and we want to keep it this way. We will invent some other reason which means that we have to depart or that you have to deal with this situation as we hurl the grenade, leaving you to catch it and deal with the subsequent explosion as we walk away, free from involvement, responsibility and culpability.

10 I don’t remember

The blast from this grenade is used to eradicate the problem that you are facing us with. Whether it is an accusation that we have failed to something or evidence of misbehaviour, this grenade is a failsafe way of enabling us to escape the problem. Often it will be used even when it is blatantly clear that we can remember, making your flabbergasted reaction all the more satisfying. There may be irrefutable evidence that we know and can remember but this never stops us from hurling this grenade at you and making good our escape from your attempt to blame us.

16 thoughts on “Ten Narc Grenades

  1. Brian says:

    Another one is:
    I just don’t understand what you are trying to say…..
    I’m just trying to understand what you mean…

  2. Maria says:

    And the treaths of death in a long fit of rage?
    Anyone had it?

  3. Maria says:

    Along side all the declarations of love.

  4. MsSevyn says:

    “I never lie”. That one is my favorite. Are your lips moving? You’re lying.

  5. kylie says:

    What about the “I love you but I love everyone” line.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Sounds as if we are a fountain of love but what we are really saying is that you are not special.

  6. I have found that On the energetic level, Narcs have artificial minds, they believe their lies because to an artificial mind both reality and imagination are virtual. That is why I call them “biological robots”

  7. Watermelon says:

    Haha, I’ve heard most of those. Usually peppered with profanity.

    I once read that any feeling you are feeling is how the narc wants you to feel. So if you’re sad, that’s what he wants. Stressed, happy, lonely, feeling worthless etc. Am I feeling stressed and wanting to make contact right now. He’s worked out my new routing and is now copying it. I hate seeing him, it leaves me in such a mess.

    1. NP says:

      ‘I once read that any feeling you are feeling is how the narc wants you to feel.’

      This statement makes a lot of sense. It means he’s already manipulated you to feel so.

  8. Claire Blake says:

    Hi hg how do others use your services to break free from their narcissist? I’m not living with mine as he discarded me. I’m concerned cos I can feel the hoover happening. It’s dealing with him when he’s nice that gets difficult. I’m certain he’s an greater n this is in for the long hall cos I want a divorce x

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Claire, please see the consultations in the menu bar of this blog.

  9. Mona says:

    HG, I am not sure, if it is a good idea for me to read further. I feel that I become more and more angry. Your texts do not help me in the way you want. They make me rage. And my hate against my personal devil grows and grows. Each day I become more aggressive and nasty. That is not the development I wish to achieve. Maybe you generate a side of my soul, which was hidden. I do not want to become like you. I do not want to be a monster. Never! I try to control myself, but the little nasty child inside of me wants to be heard and to be felt. It shouts all day long : revenge, revenge , revenge.Destroy him, his company, his relationship. Make him feel, what I have felt. it is a ugly feeling and it is difficult to control. This one is not to accuse you, but it is about fear, the fear, what is inside of me.

    1. Maria says:

      The only revenge that will really hit him will be silence and ignoring..
      that is the bullet to his big ego..
      Nothing else will work.. it will actually give him more fluel..

    2. DarkBorder says:

      I hope you will understand my English.
      It could be just a phase, justified, righteous rage that you have not done. Here could help you mindfulness, to work through the feelings of watching them, but do not take action. Revenge is pointless because he will not feel it as you want, you will feed him, and perhaps provoke a counterattack. But the only way is NO contact. Everything else is his game. Your feelings are normal and you have to work through them.

  10. Victory says:

    I remember those grenades well. My calm forgiving demeanor allowed them to land with no emtional reaction. That began my devaluation. My fault of course. Bad empath!

  11. Sarabella says:

    11. You misunderstood

    The ultimate “get out of jail free” card.

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