The Narcissistic Truths – No. 172

i-create-all-this-for-youso-you-will-not-be-repelledby-that-which-lies-beneath

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49 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 172”

  1. … but you didn’t even bother to create anything for me. you just let me have it, everything that was beneath. And I can’t forgive you for that. For not even faking it at all. Even for a short term. I wasn’t even worthy of the long term false illusion. I wasn’t even worth it for you putting that kind of energy in to me. i will never forgive you for that.

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  2. HG,
    You set the scene, write our lines and then we act it out. If our performance is sub-par you yell CUT! Why don’t we write our own script, set the scene together, then improvise off of each other? Too scary? Okay then, shows over. *cue Take a Bow – Madonna*

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  3. Is this what you are afraid of HG? Are you so terrified that we will be repelled by the real HG that you construct this elaborate game? A game that we can never win because you constantly change the rules to ensure our failure. Then you can blame us – always our fault. Little HG is protected behind the wall and does not have to reveal himself.

    You expect us to be repelled so you never give us a chance not to be. The lonely, scared little boy cowering behind the facade remains alone, ever consumed by hate and bitterness.

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    1. This is what is so confusing to me about narcs. If they hate themselves so much how do they carry on as if they are the greatest thing in the world. I guess my tiny brain can’t grasp it.

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  4. It would seem that one could therefore judge how bad the creature is based on how over the top the love bombing is. Note to self.

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  5. Well, looking back, I would have preferred the ugly truth to the beautiful lie! I might still have chosen the same path of destruction (too emotionally invested), but at least with eyes wide open!

    It is clear that you do not want to give up control to that degree, but what do you ultimately gain with lies? Sooner or later, the truth will surface anyway in your savage words and acts. Sooner or later, your perfect love will fall apart. Nothing lasting is ever built on deception!!

    Besides, you ultimately sabotage your chances at finding joy -or contentment, as you cannot feel joy- because you will never know if she would have loved you all the same if you had been honest from the start. That’s why you are paranoid, and need to control everything her every move and thought. This is preventable, and it’s entirely your fault.

    Your strategy is to move on to the next when all comes crashing down, and to the next one. You could continue doing this until you draw your last breath. But what’s the point living like that?

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      1. The great irony to me in this is that there is your addiction to fuel, and your self knowledge about how this operates, and your massive need for control and yet…. it all controls you. You are in control and yet, you are not. You are free to plunder the lives of people, but you have no freedom. The mechanisms that make all this work decide your fate with every relationship well before you have a chance to do anything differently.

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  6. Maybe one day you won’t need to create the facade. Maybe one day you will admit to someone that you are who you are and someone won’t be repelled.

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      1. Have the doctors ever suggested you interacting with someone who could be a good influence with getting to know the true HG and you exploring what that is like, less so much control? Reshape the “instinct” that is more or less habit. I have another post in moderation from 2/1, but I point out that because your true self got locked away around 9 years of age through disassociation, you are unable to grasp genuine fulfillment with yourself and then others. You learned to thrive by protecting neglected Little HG on a rescue mission for him, and building up your mother’s distorted and demented vision and forging ahead for that. It was a tremendous burden on a child and you did not have the capabilities to mentally process what all this meant, except for survival.

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      2. No because they consider that I will corrupt that apparent good influence as a consequence of my total hatred for the fact that my good influence was taken from me.

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      3. I understand that as a valid consideration. Another consideration is a person being that good influence now, with your awareness, could help with that buried grief that manifests as pure hatred. Different time, different place, different person.

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      1. Hi Ava101. Yes. At current state, I agree. As I hate to see anyone suffering, I hope he heals. It may not be likely, but things happen. This isn’t an I want to fix HG perspective. Only he can do that.

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      2. I do want to see HG come to his full potential. To touch that what is at his very fingertips waiting to be uncovered. A strength he has yet to experience.

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  7. Well, and we, from the other side, can tell you with absolute certainty that there is another way! You stubborn man!

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  8. You are still fishing for empathy and compassion. It disgusts me. A little bit fuel for you? Wave up, wave down. How many years have you been abused (if it is true at all) and how many years do you abuse us? This meme : A big lie again! to manipulate us. You indirectly caused a suicide. It does not matter at all, when you are talking about your “sensitive” side. The financial loss of others including your treatment does not matter at all, when you show your “sensitive” side. The broken and totally damaged former primary, secondary… sources, they do not matter, when you show your “sensitive” side. There is no sensitive side and we both know that. Sometimes I think I am sitting in the courtroom watching the trial of Ted Bundy who smiled at his spectators telling them what a nice guy he was. And of course he was abused too, like you HG. No one ever found evidence that it really happened. I read the biography about him and had to smile when he in the end suddenly knew there is no escape and no excuse any more. Interesting.

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    1. I must be healing. Its not one that elicits any sympathy or compassion from me. I would have been one to call him a coward, a frightened boy as well a year ago. But the choice to abuse is now a choice. I was badly abused and I never chose to abuse others. So there is no ‘instinct’ operating here. Its a choice. And with someone with the intellect as HG, it’s a choice. He is not a drunk reactive rage filled lesser. He is in full control even though IT controls him.

      And there is something else… what he calls fuel is also something we ALL as humans want and need. Praise, acceptance, love, to do well, rewards, recognition … Giving to receive in return is not bad, either. This is not something that is a negative or unique to a Narc. But those basic human needs have gotten distorted. He has become greedy. Extremely greedy. Addicted to himself. He gets high off of himself, not anything external to himself. It seems like fuel sources are external and are what gives him power. But really, the engine of it all is within himself. Its like he’s one huge masturbatory entity. Taking whatever he can from the outside, to light himself up.

      I saw this in ‘my narc’. A new person would come along and he would be so high but he wasn’t high off of the real person. He was high off of himself. It had nothing to do with another. He can’t even see another. It is extremely myopic in a way. There is no broken and wounded boy inside. That thought endlessly tripped me up with the narc who targeted me. A friend tried to lure me back into the hurt by outlining all the challenges he had faced as a kid. I said I do not care. She said, that is harsh. And I was like yes. He is dead to me. He is not a good person. I do not care one bit anymore what made him that way. Let someone else listen to his saga because since me, he has gone through about 7 more people that I can tell. And he did not care one bit for the lies he told me, the hurt he brought to my life, the risks I took for him. So no, no pity from me. He is not even trying to be better.

      The boy is gone. Stunted and underdeveloped, he’s gone and all that is left is the twitching of what was once there. The thing is, at some point, people do make a choice, even with horrible cards they have been dealt. And that choice is to corrupt themselves or not. And I think HG made that choice very young. He corrupted his own humanity. And all this is what is left from that choice. And circumstances might have been really bad. Who knows. I have stories, too. Awful, terrible stories. But until he deals with his greed and separates from what is normal needs and what is over the top,he is going to corrupt other people to feed his own corruption. And it’s unlikely there is any way at all to change this in these people . What you see IS what you get. Right now, right here. There is no secret crying boy begging to come out. No surrogate mothering will release him.

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  9. I love to see the fixers here.. Lol..๐Ÿ˜‰ Seems like people get confused with conscious choices… If i was a man. Id shoot myself before dealing with all the headache from multiple women. . Eventually all of that will be boring.. Probably why this blog was started.. It is conceivable to know btw and love anyway…Bc you can understand and empathize. . Obviously it does come with white meat scars both ways.. But possible… Changes nothing.. But feels slightly better.. Just a thought but. If none felt pain.. How would we learn? Altho.. A contortion none the less.. But reality… Thanks for adding me.. Its strangely comfortable.. Thank you for shedding light.. ๐Ÿ˜Š

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  10. one thing I can’t help but noticing is the lack of personality. I mean, you are all the same. There is nothing that makes you different from one another. You know one of you and you know them all. This is the true failure in you. You can never be loved for who you are because you don’t exist and at the same time there are millions of you, exactly like you, the same words, the same actions, inspiring the same feelings, acting on the exact same scheme and delivering the same emptiness throughout the experience.
    Solid proof of this is the fact that you can write a blog on what you are and you know you can be sure you are speaking for all of those like you.
    You are doing somewhat of a good thing exposing your true self like this but being good is not what you are interested in, rather you would like to be different from the others by doing something none of you would do. You are trying to be original about it. maybe you got bored about being the same over and over, maybe you realized there is nothing special about you and you are trying to make it special. I have to say I don’t believe the story of the therapists nor these special rules you must comply with. It is all part of the secrecy and confusion that lets you act the way you want without being questioned about it. But so is the blog world. This plague of the narcissism is relatively new. Nobody was talking about it few years ago. We would just call them jerks, without drawing the profile of the jerkness and most important, we didn’t know there was no cure for it. I hope everything works out for you, if all else fails you can still make a profession out of being an open narcissist, you might go on tv…who knows…our pop culture is so devastated already by all kinds of nonsense that I could very well see a tv show conducted by the true confessed narcissist, with pride, of course.

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    1. It true. But can’t the same be said about “us”? HG has tons of posts breaking down empaths and HS people into categories. We also follow a play book in a way. Its why they target us. I swear, this is the ultimate battle of Good vs Evil. God vs Satan. The best thing I am taking from this blog is to learn about my own empathic/HS patterns. Its clearly been my weakness to not understand this part of who I am. But I am not codependent really and I am a huge fighter. But I also default to very empathic as my preferred way of being. So, therefore, I am probably also rather predictable which made me easy to manipulate I think. Sad but true. But I fight so that is the only reason he only stole (literally and emotionally) so much from me.

      (Ps, what are the rules? I keep reading references to that but where are they?)

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      1. Wow Giulia. Thanks. I’ve been on this site for 5.5 months yet I didn’t know about this Rules page. Lol Mr. Tudor, you should make it a part of the newbie welcome package. I’ve broken a few of your rules.

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      2. The mysterious Five Rules – no one knows what they are! Probably remaining anonymous to all, being honest, and keeping countenance when fury would have been ignited otherwise… though when the tone changes from polite to slightly sarcastic, you know HG is probably not a happy narc at the time of writing! ๐Ÿ™‚

        You get quite a bit of criticism due to the triggering nature of the subject, HG, and you have been exposed to it for a while now. Continuous and repeated exposure to something might lead to desensitisation.

        In terms of real-life situations, have you experienced a change in the intensity of fury, in the sense of it getting weaker, or is it still as burning as it has always been?

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  11. Knowing the environment we grew up in (N and empath), I can see this is about survival. When empath’s don’t take responsibility for their part, they stay stuck in “the story” and tied to the N. I can forgive the ex-N after reading your work. I remain stuck forgiving the matri-Narc. She didn’t cover her veneer for those closest to her.

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  12. Good morning H.G. did you know the film “Labyrinth” with David Bowie? His character in this film is a perfect Narcissist for me, and he told a sentence very similar at the end of the story “I create all this for you…you’re selfish…” The protagonist is a positive young girl, sincere, empathetic but she did not feel attention by his father and new wife of his father cause the birth of the new little brother. So she ask help to the king of this magic world and he appaers, kidnaps the baby and put her in a labyrinth full of strange characters (someone works for him) and dangers (sometime she risk death) …but he says always to love her…and to does everything for her…

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