My kind savage your heart. We pollute your mind. We ravage your soul. One of the all-pervasive elements of your entanglement with us is just how unbelievable it all is. This operates in two ways. You find it unbelievable at the time and you find it unbelievable afterwards, although often in a different way. This creates confusion, bewilderment, emotional overload and paralysis which are as you are now aware, are key components of exerting control over you. This unbelievable behaviour is found at every stage of your entanglement.
- Seduction
It is unbelievable just how amazing our love for you is when you are being love-bombed, it is unbelievable but you will not reject it because it feels so wonderful, so uplifting and so joyous. It is then unbelievable later that someone who loved you in such a way could suddenly stop doing so. Even later, you still find it unbelievable that it was fake. Surely we did love you? Surely we had those feelings for you? It is unbelievable that we could not have done. Do you see how this lack of believability can twist and turn, morphing into a new angle, yet remaining in place to confuse and puzzle you?
- Devaluation
It is unbelievable that somebody can turn so quickly from being loving to being awful. It is unbelievable that a person can behave in such a way towards somebody who they say that they love. It is unbelievable how long you put up with this behaviour for. It is unbelievable that this behaviour could last for as long as it did. It is unbelievable that this person cannot understand what they are doing and see what they are doing is wrong. It is unbelievable that they cannot be helped.
- Discard
It is unbelievable that someone can just vanish like that. It is unbelievable that someone can move on to someone else in the blink of an eye. It is unbelievable that the new target cannot see what is really happening. It is unbelievable that the new victim won’t accept what you tell them about us. It is unbelievable how we ignore you, refuse to speak to you and treat you like we never knew you after everything that has been said and done. It is unbelievable that you have been treated like this after everything that you did. It is unbelievable that he is saying so many lies and hurtful things to other people about you.
- The Post Discard Hoover
It is unbelievable that someone can just waltz back into your life like nothing has happened and carry on as normal. It is unbelievable how much you want that person to contact you even though you have suffered terribly. It is unbelievable just how much you miss this person. It is unbelievable how he has said all those horrible things to other people and then brushes it to one side.
It is unbelievable that you want this person so much. It is unbelievable that you cannot stop thinking about us.
So many unbelievable matters and what is the cumulative effect of all this? You are bewildered, unable to comprehend what has happened, unable to make sense of it all and you are left a whirlpool of emotions. You are dizzy, disorientated and unable to pick a path to stick to in order to reach safety. You can be picked off again with ease by our kind.
To add to the sheer unbelievable nature of what you have endured is the fact that so few people can actually understand what has happened either. They may have been brainwashed by us, they may just not want to get involved or they just cannot understand how somebody can behave like that and think you are either exaggerating or they are so stunned they cannot offer you any practical assistance. The power of this lack of believability and the effect of disbelief are substantial and they act as double hammer blows against your recovery.
How do you tackle the sheer scale of disbelief from both you and those around you?
- Understand what you have been entangled with. Really understand.
- Understand that our kind operate in a different reality to you.
- Avoid over analysis of our motives. Until you grasp points one and two, such analysis is futile and detrimental.
- Do you really need so many people to believe you? Are you not propounding the pain by repeatedly explaining it to people who are unwilling or unable to help? Don’t approach this in a scattergun manner.
- Don’t seek answers from us. You won’t get them. Ever.
- Do not expect everyone to understand. They have not experienced it.
- Identify promptly those who can be relied on and ensure they understand. Conserve your energy for these true supporters and do not waste it on lost causes.
- Read, read and read so you understand.
- Build your vessel of logic and understanding. You need it to get across the emotional sea which this disbelief is keeping you in.
- Use independent evidence, not just your say so, to support your position and break down disbelief.
- Accept some people will always be on our side. Don’t waste time trying to persuade them. You are not going to convince them.
- Don’t waste time trying to tell the world at large about how awful we are. You may want everyone to know but this is a futile exercise. We have already smeared you and you are just playing into our hands.
- Don’t bother attacking our façade unless you have the energy and credible independent evidence. You will use up valuable energy trying to tackle a wall that believes us and not you.
- Many people experience our kind but few people understand that they have done so. It is hard trying to persuade people that they have encountered a narcissist. We make it that way.
- Ultimately, it is you who matters most and has to shake the disbelief ahead of everybody else. Concentrate on that.
Hilarious! How comforting to know, that you are capable of realizing who you are, how you effect those you’ve spun into your web. I for one enjoy immensely, your nonchalant casual way you re-enter into the life you’ve shattered. The euphoria of this reemergence lifts the heart, mends the soul and I patiently wait for the perfect moment, after convincingly presenting myself as your perfect fool, dump your bum. Because I know you’re accustomed to being in control and once it’s snatched away, you are powerless. 😘
No. 1 Seduction: Interestingly enough, I heard a psychologist who specializes in narcissism refer to the love-bombing as the first stage in the relationship of gaslighting. It was the first time I had heard gaslighting applied in that respect. Her theory was that it is based on an illusion and lies and is being bombarded to the victim / supply. However, because it feels good and positive it doesn’t create the anxiety, confusion, depression, etc., that would follow with the gaslighting involving blame-shifting, deflecting, spinning word salad, and the like. Therefore that part gets overlooked but that it indeed is a form of gaslighting.
So, there ya go… #Gaslightingfunfact
I agree, it is designed to alter your perception of reality. That is why the seduction period is also in effect a hoover, to suck you in for the first time.
But then for Lessers and Mid-rangers who do not understand what they are or that fuel drives them, isn’t it like they are gaslighting themselves too thinking their infatuation must be what real love is with another person?
I agree Clarece save they perceive no harm to themselves by adopting such an approach.
Hi H.G.
After my discard-December 31, 2016 I received my second hoover via text message saying “Hi, how are you doing. . .” my first hoover was a week after via a group email-I did respond to the first briefly to say do not send me anymore group emails. To this one which I received this last night, around 11 pm, I just now saw it, I am not responding. My question is: if I continue to not respond will he be forced to call? This no contacting him is a first for me throughout our 11 year relationship and all types of discard. However, due to your articles and 8 books which I have read-my favorite so far: fuel, decipher, 50 red and black flags, etc. I know the truth and cannot go back ever. Just wondering though if there will be more hoovers? I must admit, it gave me a cold chill with the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. But, thanks to you with empowering us empaths with knowledge it is now a fair fight. I can’t thank you enough!!!
Thanks HG
It unbelievable that you could write in regards to us.
I like the tattoo idea 😊 Just can’t hear these points enough. Thank u again, HG
This is perfect to share with my son! Thank you, HG! You truly are saving many!
You are welcome BH.
I need to tattoo all of these points on my arm (if I were into that, which I am not, but still).
Such valuable and concise points! I really found a certain YouTube video you put up illuminating where you said that you reflect ourselves back to us through mimicry causing us to fall in love with ourselves. I thought to myself “Damn, so that’s what I look and sound like! I must have the most expressive eyes.” Every time I feel a slight yearning, I read your articles, get a dose of reality, & move on!
Thank you Tanya.
These numbered bulletpoints are so valuable, thank you.
Might it be worth having these on a page accessed from the top line navigation? I think these points are so important.
Ditto to timely xx
Great information. Thank you!
This is amazing advice. If it weren’t for being directed to your site, I would for sure still be involved with the narc and wasting my life away. Thanks for all your articles, HG. You’re helping a lot of people.
Liz
LIZ
Can I ask how you were directed here? Was it referral by another victim or a witness to your abuse? Perhaps redirected from another search?
Just curious.
Okay.
HG i have a straight question :
Are you guys in league with the devil?
Are you trying to capture souls for him?
It seems like it to me.
ITS A SERIOUS QUESTION.
Please do not answer me with: what do you think?
I will appreciate a straight answer.. i know i am laughable to even request that.. but we” ll never know until we try it. No?
There is no such thing as the devil, except when it serves my purpose and then he is very much a thing.
Then he is alive..
🙂