54 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 177”

      1. Well well well, if it isn’t our beloved Mr. Tudor, sauntering in without a care in the world, letting the sun beat him home twice.
        And where have you been Sir??? Hm?
        ** hands on hips and toe tapping **

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      2. H G Tudor can you answer this for me. I know what he is and I found out many things about him. He was trying it on with many people. I understand it all now in as much as I can due to our comprehension as we think very differently. The last time he messaged me I played with his words doing word salad on him then saying his ex wife name from many years ago: 2002. I said it was a shame that all of that had to happen. He was shocked saying… did I say (her name). I responded with I know how much you want to talk about it so we can meet like he had asked. He blocked me immediately. What are thenjoying chances of this idiot trying it on again? I told him they knew everything. I never clarified what so he thought it was the police as that was what I was meaning and told them they had everything. If he tries again I am no longer a source of fuel so hopefully he will dissappear. The sad thing is I found out he has a primary source and toddler now who was a baby when he was annoying me. This experience has completed me as a human and I actually love myself and know I am worthy so no longer need outside clarification. It boils down to us both having problems but I never knew and have been dealing with rubbish from childhood that the subconscious had stored away. I know he knows what he is doing and stupidly I thought I could help him. Habitual liar. We both must have had bonding fears but I am now feeling real love for the first time. So now I will be alert to this world. Many thanks for your views which were and are my icing on the cake. I hope you recover as being loved is very special.

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  1. So, 4 months ago, I told the narc he should have gone to all these other women for the money he borrowed from me (tried to steal). I rattled off some names. Women he used for fuel. Tertiary supple I see now, some he was “in love with”.

    But one woman he had posted a year ago a whole thing about how he had her back, she is his dream girl, friends for life (oh, that now has new meaning!!). She lives in another country and he has only met her a few times socially when she visited his country. So I had said, you should have gone to them for money. Her, the one whose back he has and who he openly approves of. I was his secret. I said, they are the women you openly accept and care for. I said it, knowing at this point that it was all pretend fuel games. So I was in my way, mocking him in my way. So 4 months ago, we get in our last fight, and he copy and pastes back what I had told him about going to them, as if it had caused him some injury. Why did it bother him? Why if they are all so great, would that cause injury or would he pretend injury? Why not go to all those great friends for money? Cause he knows he is lying about all those supposed friendships?

    Now, last night, he posted on Instagram an old photo of he and that same girl he had posted about. A photo taken 2 years ago. Saying, ‘Happy Birthday my queen and friend.’ But on her own IG account he just liked one of her birthday pics. Didn’t even type out Happy Birthday, or say you look great or anything. Just one like on 1 of the 4 pictures she posted. He posted his picture 2 hours after she posted her pics. And she was clearly on a date with her man as one pic had his hand. She never shows his face.

    So, he posted his picture for fuel. I get that now as she is young and attractive and in their social world, she is known. But is there a chance he posted that picture to dig at my feelings? I only see his acct on the web. We are not social media friends. But I mentioned her just 4 months ago. That since she is his dream girl, as he posted when he was all about how great she is, that he should have borrowed money from her. I knew they are not close, by then I was getting his online stuff is mostly for fuel.

    What is the chance he went after 2 fuel goals… get people to like the pic and knowing I likely look at his account? I will never ever respond or speak to him again. I am gone forever now. But do you throw out fuel bait like this for even supply that escapes? Do you still fish for fuel from specific people when there is no direct evidence it ‘worked’? No feedback? Are you gaming people that you don’t even talk to anymore but likely know, given how they felt and what you know of them and the fuel they provided you, that you might still be able to hurt them and throw it out anyway, just cause? I know he posted the pic for fuel from random people. But was jt targeted at me, too?

    What I am wondering is was part of it for me? Is that possible? Seems really coincidental he posts that just 4 months after she came up in our fight, and 2 weeks after I tell him off in a pretty cold and cruel way and shut the door forever. I hate how he made me like him, but it had to be done. But would this be within the realm of possibilities?

    I hope you can shed light and if its possible it was in part for me, he hates me so I can’t see why he would need fuel without a direct feedback loop (some expressed jealousy, or hurt). I just don’t totally grasp the depths you go to for fuel so I am not sure how possible this is. I am certain he has erased me so I can’t see why it would have been to hurt me and its just a pure coincidence. But isn’t coincidence also how you disguise stuff? “You can’t really be doing this or that…. it’s just a coincidence, just my imagination” says the empath…?

    There is only one reason it matters so I look forward to hear your take on it. seems so high schoolish! but it really matters… if its possible, then its true… its for life (in his head only though.) I will never look or acknowledge his existence again.

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    1. Sarabella

      I hope you will take the time and go back and read this posts.
      You are sabotaging your progress by cyberstalking him and his friends.
      Please put yourself first he doesn’t deserve any space in your thoughts are heart.

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      1. How does that make you feel? That some people would be happy when you are dead? (Although, I will say you ARE making a contribution by helping us, even if it’s not your primary motive).

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      2. Ok. So this isn’t coming across criticism to you but fuel. Interesting. Why isn’t this perceived of as criticism? Is criticism only something accidental or something delivered to you with no emotion, mockery and dismissive energy?

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      3. Criticism is emotion free.

        If you shouted at me “HG you are a bastard and I want to kill you” – that is a criticism in your world, but in mine it is fuel. It is however a challenge which means that whilst I am not wounded, it tells me two things
        a. I need to assert my dominance; and
        b. There is more fuel available

        thus I will argue back with you to provoke you further.

        If you said “HG you mean nothing to me” in a deadpan manner, that would wound me. It may ignite my fury (dependent on the control I would exert and the need to exert control) but if it did, I would lash out at you to provoke you in order to make you respond in an emotional manner so you gave me fuel and thus the wound would be healed. See the book Fury for more on this.

        Many times your criticism of us is through your ACTIONS because they are not accompanied by emotion and you do not realise that your action is interpreted by us as criticism. This is why we appear to explode over nothing (when viewed form your perspective) and you are left wondering, “what did I do to cause that?”

        People make the mistake of thinking that if they shout at us and call us a name, our response is the ignition of fury. It is not, the response is recognising the challenge and seeing there is more fuel to be gained. That is why some of our kind will let you call us post discard and weep and rage down the ‘phone and barely say anything, because you are giving us fuel and not criticising us because it the harsh words are coated with fuel.

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      4. Ok, thank you. Makes sad sense. Its amazing to me. No one would give your kind that kind of response (pure emotional fuel) if you weren’t once genuinely loved and deeply wanted. And sad that you have to blow it all up just for fun and to survive.

        Its not a question worth asking because the answer will be more sadness, but does your level of exploding back ever correlate to how much you need one particular source of fuel? Or is it only your degee of failed dominance? I think that the more fuel optuon is secondary. Do you ever burn out on a source of fuel if this cycle goes on forever or comes too rapidly? I mean if your dominance is constantly challenged, do you ever get tired of barfing all over? What about your need for a respite in this cycle? If it happens too much, how do you stop from feeling controled? Some people must start to play you eventually, too.

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  2. Well, of course I know you won’t care when you are dead. But, you never cared so that’s nothing new. But really? That’s fuel? It fuels you to think that people will be happy when you are dead?

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    1. It is an emotional response generated by me. Therefore it is fuel. Many will mourn my demise, some will rejoice, both are fuel and to know it know provides me with Thought Fuel.

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      1. SO just knowing people despise you gives your fuel? I guess I will never understand that. But I guess it’s better than being ignored, forgotten or dismissed. Would you agree?

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      2. So when I told the narc, he is now forgotten forever, he is evil and trash, and then went dark, if I keep it up until death do us part, then I got the upperhand? Sad, but, oh well. Thats a worse fate than hanging around fighting useless battles with him that never bother him?

        I cut out with the last word, including getting Instagram to delete his smear of me that he thought might stay around forever fueling him? Removed all social media so I am really gone. He has no more control over if he decides to unblock me. I no longer exist for him to block.

        That forgotten will be the worst?

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      3. I once bumped into a narcissist from years gone by and didn’t recognise him as he had aged considerably. Is failing to remember or recognise a narc perceived as a criticism?
        If someone is not an intimate primary source and goes no contact with a narc how strongly on a scale of 1 to 10 is this perceived as a criticism by your kind?

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  3. Strangely, the Narcissist use to say, “I love you to the moon, and back”, but apparently he ended up getting stuck on the moon because when I decided to bring up my disapproval of his many triangulation games, and lies, he took flight, after he smeared me to all of our mutual friends. Strangely, he had only moments beforehand called me his “soulmate”, and “reason for living”. I see the entire setup so clearly, now.

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    1. Its worse. Once I realized he never meant a word he said, I feel I toyed with him. I gushed love on purpose. I wanted him to be as confused and tweaked as he made me. At first it was happening as a reaction to him. Speaking my feelings as he had set me up to do, to reveal my heart. Then when I saw that he is a lie, I started telling him I hated him. I was so hurt by his lies, trying to shut down my feelings. Back and forth as I got clear on what had happened to me. Then I purposefully told him things that probably no one would tell him, that they loved him that much. I don’t know why. At the end, it was such an ugly mess. It amazes me how distorted everything got. Could it have ever gotten clear and honest? Its like it was doomed to become so messed up and ugly.

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      1. Does the ! mean annoyance? If it does, I have one of those take a number machines. I am currently serving #1. You may be #1000. Might be a long wait.

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  4. Everyone goes away, even YOU. Here today, and gone tomorrow. This is a natural law in life, it seems, and even you, Narcissist, will do the same. You are no different from anybody else in that regard. Just like everybody else, you go away.

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      1. ah, yes. he pulled that one on me. all the devalues and mini discards and still kept telling me to chill out, he wasn’t going anywhere, he was there for me. he would give me one more chance. why did it never, ever bring me any comfort to here he was there for me? it always caused the opposite reaction in me. A fight.

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      2. If something were to develop in your personal life, whether your job or something that would have to pull you away from this completely, would you let let us know or would we be ghosted?

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      3. I am going to read Exorcism and then, you, Mr. Tudor, will be a thing of the past… one day, very soon, you will never hear from me, again. Yes, you can celebrate this happening.

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  5. Hi HG. Earlier, in one of your comments, you responded to Zara’s question, “If someone is not an intimate primary source and goes no contact with a narc how strongly on a scale of 1 to 10 is this perceived as a criticism by your kind?” that it would be criticizing and fairly wounding. So, would that mean that even though he may be with a new secondary source, or even just his wife (11 mos. later) that he could possibly be feeling criticized or wounded because I’ve had no contact with him since being discarded? I know you’ve said, they don’t care if they’re busy with their new source of supply and they don’t even think about the discarded source during the golden period, but do the feelings of criticism and wounding still exist or eventually start to exist that much later?

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    1. If you have been discarded and you have gone no contact he is focused elsewhere. If he tries to hoover at a later stage and fails owing to your NC, that denies us fuel and wounds.

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