Muddy Hell


I have a busy day today. Much to do and many people to do it to but when you have someone’s interests at heart, well, this is what you have to do isn’t it? I have the list of telephone numbers which I have noted down from your telephone when I gained access to it. It was not difficult to do so. Using my famous ability to move around without making much of a noise I stole up behind you and watched you enter the passcode for your phone and I stored that in my memory to enable me to use it when you were sleeping. Naturally I had a good look through all your messages, your diary and e-mails but that is for another discussion. I recognised the names of numerous people and made a note of their numbers inside my little book and then hid that in readiness for when I decided it was time I needed to use it. Now that time has come and it is incumbent on me to take this step.

The first number I enter into my phone is that of Sarah, a friend of yours. She answers after two rings. Like many people she is surgically attached to the ‘phone.

“Hello Sarah it is HG. Listen, I just wanted to let you know, since you are such a good friend of hers, that Gemma is, well I think the easiest way to describe it is that she is not well, not well at all. What do I mean? She has been acting rather strangely. The slightest thing seems to either have her shouting or crying. At first I wondered if it was just, you know, women’s things, but it has been going on for months now. You had no idea? No I know, I have not said anything before because well I was hoping I could help her  deal with it but it is beyond even me. I am going to get her some help. I try and talk to her about it but she just clams up on me, gives me silence and then a little later accuses me of not caring. I don’t think she is sleeping properly either and it takes me an age to get her to eat. Should you come round? No, thank you, that is kind of you, but I don’t want her to do anything which might upset you. She is very erratic in her behaviour but it is something more than just mood swings. I am going to get her the proper help but I am just forewarning you that if she contacts you just be aware that she is not herself. She has been saying things about people, me included, which are not very nice and I don’t want this period of illness to affect her relationship with her friends, you know how some people can be overly sensitive to what someone says and they miss the point they are unwell. Yes, that’s right. Yes I think it would be a good idea if you just give her some space. Yes, absolutely. If she does contact me, let me know, you have my number on your ‘phone now. Yes I will pass on your kind words and thanks for your help Sarah, it is much appreciated at this difficult time.”

I end the call and place a tick next to Sarah’s name. She was most understanding and fully appreciate the need for space in order to allow you to get better. Now, who is next. Ah yes, another of your friends, Helen. I call Helen and explain the situation almost word-for-word as I did with Sarah. She asks more details about what is wrong and I reluctantly tell her about the violence and the lying. She is shocked I can tell and she spends some time searching for an amateur diagnosis as to what it might be. I listen as she drones on, checking my watch and noting I have other names to get through too. Eventually I am able to conclude the call and place another tick. I continue working my way through your list of friends, the ticks adding up. Next is John, your fitness instructor.

“Hello John, this is HG, Gemma’s partner. We haven’t met. Look John, difficult call to make but Gemma is unwell at present. It is pretty serious. Yes, thank you, it is a difficult time but I am doing the best I can to help her. It is unclear at present what it is, I am organising for a doctor to come and see her today but it is making her very difficult to be around. She may be suffering from some kind of breakdown brought on by exhaustion. Yes, it is a worry. I know you would not have thought it to look at her outside of our house but I think this has been brewing for some time, you know, she even started telling me that she was going to marry you. Yes I know that is ridiculous isn’t it? You are already married? I thought you were. Don’t worry, I know nothing is going on, I am sure you are far too professional for that kind of thing, but this is part of the problem, she keeps coming out with outlandish comments and I can handle it but I worry others might not so she won’t need your services until further notice. Payment? Well yes if she has an agreement with you then just continue to take her monthly payment after all this is not your fault is it? I will let you know when she is well again but just in case she tries to contact you I think it would be best if you don’t take her calls, I don’t want her causing you any trouble especially between you and your wife. Thank you John, your discretion is appreciated.”

Another tick and a similar call is made to your choral group and your book club. Next is your employer. I made you take today off under the pretence of you gaining a lie in and then us doing something together. We stayed up late last night so you are still fast asleep upstairs allowing me to make these important telephone calls. Your employer is understanding and I can confirm that arrangements will be made to provide the relevant doctor’s note because I explained this situation is likely to last a number of weeks. My preparation thus segues into arranging for the local doctor to make a house call after I explain to the receptionist, in worried tones, that having you leave the house in your current state might be a risk to both you and other people. She was most understanding and confirmed that a doctor would attend after surgery, around 5pm. Next on the list are your family members. I secured the advantage of persuading you to move with me away from them and they are now a flight away. The inconvenience of having to fly and the distance is something I play on as I call your parents and your sister, forewarning them that they may experience some unpleasant comments about them and especially me given her condition. I assure them that I am taking care of you and there is really no need for them to come all this way. I confirm I will keep them updated and they are pleased I have taken time off work to care for you and that I have arranged for a doctor to attend. I spend considerable time reeling off examples of the terrible behaviour you have exhibited, explaining the awful things I have been subjected to and the lies you have told about me, your friends and family. I explain that I can deal with it but I just feel so sorry for your parents and your sister having to hear such things and in order to prevent it happening again the best thing is to contact me and not you and to keep you at arms’ length. I explain I understand that it is hard but it will be the best outcome for all concerned if you are prevented from lashing out and hurting people. My explanations and good intentions are accepted and thanks is offered for my understanding and support.

The final tick is placed on the list and I place both ‘phone and pen down. I really should go and wash my hands now after smearing all that mud around.

21 thoughts on “Muddy Hell

  1. Carla says:

    Have you done or would you be willing to write a piece on what happens when the narcissist tries to smear someone and repeatedly fails?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      This is covered in the book Smeared, Carla.

  2. C says:

    This is the thing they seem to have an antenna for people that will try to ignore this until its to late ., they have everyone it seems eating out of there hands they can do no wrong .. but there are those that can see often complete strangers see the holes in there facade .. my husband has that many faces and can go from complete anialation of character putting you down with rude gestures put down s etc then to all sweet and innocent like a little boy as if what’s wrong with you .. to causing a confrontation in front of our son so all he sees is mummy getting upset or shouting st dad and dad looking like a poor little boy , recently he has come into a bit of money .. the power he tries to exhume with it .. all the while Im being made to feel like a peasant .. he is using it to buy into the boys hearts atm so he has something to fall back on for brownie points and to get something in return in the future .. the list is endless of levels twists turns plots nastiness cute little me poor little me what’s wrong with you behaviours ..

  3. Flickatina says:

    I just don’t believe this will work with everyone. Not everyone has such flaky friends and family. Some people have family all over the world but are still very close – geographical location doesn’t always equal isolation.

    If the partner of a friend of mine made that phone call I’d be straight over there to see if I could help (of course now I would be straight over there to wrest her away from you)

    1. Sunshine says:

      I may be wrong here, but I take some of HG’s stories – including this one – to be hyperbole. There is a truth in what he writes, of course, but he exaggerates it not necessarily to lie about it, but to illustrate his point, and for impact.

      To me, they are like cautionary tales, a bit like the Grimm fairy tales. There’s a grain of truth, a message in there.

      However, I could be wrong and I’m sure that some of the stuff he writes he did do.

      I agree with you though, there’s no chance my friends, family etc would buy something like that, and even if they had their doubts, they’d speak to me, visit me etc.

      1. NikkiJo says:

        You would be surprised how easily they are actually able to do this. Mine literally screamed and shouted at me for hours. Threw away my wedding ring then scattered the trash amongst the yard. Punched holes in our walls. But after I grabbed my car keys and phone to leave, it was my turn. After he was done, and I was lying there in our doorway, he grabbed my phone, went outside and locked himself in the truck…. with the window cracked of course, so I could hear every word. Called my best friend of years and baby brother. Told them I had been depressed since moving away with him and unreasonable. I’ll never forget how cool and calm his voice was after the torrent of the day. He told them how erratic I’d been and how I just wasn’t myself anymore. Asked if they had any advice, because he really wanted to help me since he loved me so much. And I could do nothing. If I cried or screamed, I would sound every bit as insane as the portrait he was painting. I just listened in disbelief, nursing my own injuries from the ground where he left me. He stared at me, he even choked up as he told them how things were just falling apart and he didn’t know what to do.
        They’re that good. When I finally left, my brother called me and told me what a fool I was for leaving someone who cared so much for me in my darkest hours.

    2. Love says:

      Consider the fact that your narc has already charmed these family/friends. He’s only calling his allies. These people have the mindset that he is a good man. A solid character who loves you very much. They will not immediately write off his words. Even if they call and check on you, a part of them is now tainted. Regardless of what you say, they will have doubt. And these are the ‘good’ ones. If you have any friends with narc traits, they’re just champing at the bit for negative news about you. What splendid gossip it will make.

      1. Sunshine says:

        Thankfully, my primary narc does not have the skill of foresight, so did not attempt this. He would not have had much success in any case. This is one of the few areas of narc survival in which I am lucky.

  4. Matilda says:

    This floored me when I read it for the first time.

    Well, I delete contacts which have been lying dormant for six months, or so. Currently, there are four numbers on my phone, and none of them would believe such nonsense. 🙂

  5. C says:

    Moral of the story is … they will set out to make you look a complete and utter waste of space if can get away with it .. and yes they do and yes people you’d be surprised at believe them help them and all the while you feel like you can’t reach out to anyone, feeling worthless .. you give in .family members , friends YOUR OWN CHILDREN turned against you . HORRIBLE !!! Then they switch between nice sweet caring to evil controlling self centred bitterness .. nothing is out of bounds in there eyes .. MY ADVICE don’t give up on what you hold dear ..

  6. 1jaded1 says:

    I don’t attach names to the numbers on my phone and I never delete a number. I’d find it amusing to have him ringing up random telemarketers or political calls just because he saw the numbers on my phone and thought they were my friends. Bahaha!

  7. Scout says:

    Did you actually do this?

    1. HG Tudor says:


  8. Holy Reality says:

    When I was sleeping she admitted going through my phone. Since I had nothing to hide and believed in the future faking etc. At the time I didn’t care. An onion has many layers. Each day I read your posts and the comments of others’s. It has to be a fucking nightmare to live life with such disdain and a lack of trust in others’s. Thank you HG for the knowledge of behaviors. It’s like attempting to assemble a Jackson Pollock puzzle in the dark. Your light on the situation, has lead me to find another puzzle where all the pieces easily come together. Otherwise, I would still be looking for the wrong pieces that would never be completed.

  9. Another triple 🎯🎯🎯 im at a loss for words when you nail it again, and again and again

  10. New picture eh? Brown eyes instead of blue. In NYC they charge me $100 for the mud bath thing. I have them paint it on. Its more productive and relaxing than calling up people and lying to them like I am 12. To each his own though.

  11. musteryou says:

    I can see how it would be a bit like the prank calls that children like to engage in, but with a nastier turn.

  12. claudine0167 says:

    I’m honestly in shock? Does this really happen? The audacity in calling someone”s friends! Seriously, do narcissists do this to us?

    1. AH says:

      OMG yes they do!!! I cannot imagine all of the sh*t that was said about me that wasn’t true..

  13. Willow says:

    Hello again,

    My ex wasn’t that crafty yet. He was a lower level Narcissist. He was also very lazy. He was into his looks. He loves to admire himself in the fun house mirrors. He could care less about anyone else.

    This blog was a form of Gaslighting and intending to make you look cuckcoo for coco puffs.

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