The Narcissistic Truths – No. 194



58 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 194”

  1. Npd is an ingrained personality disorder. It is resistant to change. The behaviors can be managed and possibly modified as AH OH has mentioned. My ex is trying very hard to manage his behavior. However, the individual may experience negative effects such as depression, loss of identity etc. It’s very sad.

  2. No, he cant not. Thats not how his brain became wired. Can it un-wire and rewire?.. Maybe. Unlikely with just talk therapy but hey thats why some of us are still here. But no he cant just stop. These illusions do not serve.

  3. Ive seen some miracles in my lifetime and i really do think its possible! If any narcissist can achieve it itll be you. I see a new HG narcissism recovery program on the horizon ๐Ÿ‘

  4. HG …im curious your thoughts on Sam Vaknin or any other narcs you may know of personally if youve seen them change or improve their narcissism? Sam Vaknin seems to think you cant completely change npd but you can modify the behaviors. Im not sure if he has changed his npd or not. I was curious your thoughts on this. Do you think its impossible for a greater narcissist like yourself to achieve changing or modifying to become a better person in society?
    I personally think it boils down to wanting to. If a narc enjoys the results theyre getting why would they change. There has to be a motivating factor or challenge in it.

    1. I know of him but I do not know him.

      I believe certain behaviours might be modified but what remains at the core, the central essence which drives this behaviour seems to me to be something which cannot be changed but the good doctors believe it can, so we shall see won’t we?

      1. I like those good doctors of yours, HG. And I like Curious’ idea about your narcissism recovery program too :-). The challenge is to make narcissists see they have a problem and need to change. They just do not.
        I assume this meme is not about you in particular. So may I ask how is your need for fuel going lately. Any change? Is your ability to provide yourself with fuel increasing? It takes a lot of rewiring, I suppose. Mental and emotional rewiring.

  5. Apparently I cant either. Went for breakfast this morning. All quiet til a woman jumps up and yells angrily: do I have to pay for the whole damned loaf? 6.50 for 3 pieces of french toast! Starts a tirade and insulting staff. Owner is a tiny Greek woman who is frozen. I say aloud: the price is on the menu you ordered from. She turns on me and says: F**k you! and turns back to the server to continue. I respond: you should be more concerned with whoever is overcharging you for that hair color. She turns to me enraged but I stare right back at her. Then she picked up her stuff and shouted: I wont be back! I say: we’ll miss you. I get another F**k you! And she leaves. Thats my fuel and I cant stop getting involved when stuff like that happens anymore than I can change my eye color so I understand your compulsions when criticized. The owner and servers thanked me and breakfast was free. Today is a good day.

    1. The remark about her hair surely stopped her dead in her tracks. Lovely! ๐Ÿ˜€ … you’ve got to be careful though, and not underestimate such nutters… people get stabbed or shot for less.

      1. MATILDA
        I know, its not like it was a nice part of town but thats what I mean-I cant stop myself (or dont want to). In any case, I was aware of my hot coffee, utensils, and the woman across from me had her phone on the table. Besides, this is Canada-less chance of a gun. Lets just say I’d probably use those french toast leftovers and there would be one sticky beaver leaving eh?

      2. NarcAngel,

        Yes, it’s always good to be mindful of your surroundings… too many lunatics on the streets and too lenient sentencing in courts.

    2. I agree that day was a good day. Unfortunately, I think that this particular instance could be fraud/ scam or just a mentally ill person.

      I think I would have done the same thing, I am almost sure I would have. I would have assumed that there must be a prank by some TV show. I’ve waited for the cameras in the past but none surfaced. Real life…๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š

      1. Entertainment
        No. She was just a bitch that was rode hard and put away wet (and on her way to work from stuff she had with her) . But who knows-maybe she was tired from her Narc husband poking her in the back all night lol. Maybe I should have a heart.

  6. This is who they are but why are so many more men like this and women empathic? Its like in these personalities, the Jungian male and female has never been fully integrated and instead, the people exist as exteme versions of separate stereoptypes.

    1. It might be equal.How are the stats compiled?
      Are women just more likely to send their narc to a psych, and are women more likely to evade detection?
      Anyone who has an agenda can just act normal to a psych, give them answers that make it look like they are mistreated, charm the psych etc.

      1. I don’t know, just seems what the data shows. No energy to question it deeper really.

      Do you think it has to do with women being more maternal? It appears to be a type of mothering in wanting to love them until theyre “cured”.
      And women “evading detection”. Perhaps its easier for men to not want to admit they cant handle a woman so they bed her, label her a crazy bitch or clingy, and they move on easier allowing her to continue under those labels?
      Just thoughts.

      1. That sounds like male narcissist behaviour. (bedding and labelling)
        Speaking from my perspective , I wouldnt have a reason to do that if I liked someone.
        You might be right about the nurturing instinct,
        it makes them send their partner to the psych,instead of dumping them, which skews the stats maybe.

      2. BRIAN
        I meant if youre a man involved with a female narc you might be less likely to want to explain to other guys the situation (even if you could lol). Bad enough women dont listen to other women and we’re known for discussing feelings moreso than men. So you just make a joke that she was just a romp or too clingy and off she goes to another guy (undetected so to speak) to cause more havoc. Ive yet to meet a guy that even warned a bitch is trouble that he didnt want to prove the other guys wrong and/or see for himself. They dont like to admit if they cant conquer. Treat them a little mean to keep them keen has always kept them interested longer Im sad to say. Just like bad boys for good girls. But neither side wants that long term so it all goes stale eventually.

      3. Oh yes true, I can’t imagine saying to certain guys ‘she gave me a silent treatment’ or any of the other complaints because that would just be seen as nothing special , then a further explanation would just dig me a deeper hole and I would look like the crazy one.
        I think when a guy is warned (and he is inexperienced) he either thinks the guys are just jealous or that she is just acting like that because her last boyfriend made insecure or some other excuse ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. This is the reason why I do not congratulate you to your great success. I do not forget what you do to people each day of your life out of the virtual world. Who suffers at the moment? Who is a victim at this moment? Who is betrayed just now? All that, because you love your life like it is. I really respect what you do for a lot of victims, I really respect that we have an inside view in your world. It is very interesting for science too. Nevertheless I will never accept what you are or want to be, although I know it is a very strong emotional handicap.. (The last part of the sentence is not meant to be an insult,it is only the sad truth.)

  8. It’s part of who they are. Mine actually told me upfront to like an injured bird who wanted to be normal knowing that would draw me in and then used that to get his fuel. I tried to cure him with love for 8 years. Then turned on the this is who I am if you love me you would just accept it. It’s just who they are and no amount of love can change it. It took me 8 years of destroying myself to understand.

    1. Mine literally told me that after 19 years of marriage–this is who I am, take it or leave it. I escaped.

    1. Ouch. pain the worst pain of my narc, I listened to that song over and over. Thinking I was responsible and never getting that he was engineered it all.

    2. But that’s alright, because I like the way it hurts
      Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
      But that’s alright, because I love the way you lie
      I love the way you lie
      I can’t tell you what it really is
      I can only tell you what it feels like
      And right now there’s a steel knife, in my windpipe
      I can’t breathe, but I still fight, while I can fight
      As long as the wrong feels right, it’s like I’m in flight

      I find “love on the brain” interesting. S&M?

      1. Definitely. Lol, may I also suggest trey songz infidelity 1 and 2. He definitely has NPD

        The prelude is from a scene in Boardwalk Empire.

      2. Alexis,

        After I learned about narc/sociopath personalities. Part of processing all the information was mind boggling on its own. If none of it was real and all fake, I was just being used for entertainment purposes only. Now I can use them in that same sense. I know you see this on TV but, please don’t try at home.๐Ÿ˜Š

      3. Oh I totally get you in using them for entertainment!! I do that too. I can’t help myself. With HG’S very helpful advice, they’re a bit of sport. Of course there see still those who are more intelligent than I and some see hard to spot to begin with. But I’m with you in that one. And not in an N mirroring way either ๐Ÿ™‚

      4. Exactly, he’s a young one of often wonder if he’s aware. The lyrics are jaw dropping off you are aware of narcissistic traits.

        You kept me on this pedestal
        No matter how much I let you down (down, I let you down, down, down)
        With all my infidelity
        You loved me so incredibly
        Inside I’ll fall apart
        If you ever love someone instead of me

  9. Of course, you can. You just don’t want to! If it was up to me, I would force you. I would put you in isolation, and bring it about… with assistance, of course. You will not do it voluntarily…

  10. I’m curious HG. While you’re in the love bombing phase & infatuated with Miss Kim, what if you stepped back – and attempted to love and appreciate her on her own merit as a partner to you.

    Perhaps you might find that there is no need to devalue her. Perhaps you would be pleasantly surprised and live happily ever after with her? Who knows, you could find your own version of true love and finally be free of the pain you feel. ~ Hope

  11. You know I can’t stop. How I feel. I’m digging on you , you digging on me, we digging on we, oh! – After Seven
    Looks like Devils Night in Detroit!! You can’t help but Crush, Kill, Destroy. Your very nature is that of rage. So you must act like Godzilla and stomp all over everything whilst claiming to save us from Gamera. Wish you would stop. You don’t want to. I’ll just keep saying that annoying statement until you shower your golden rays in my direction. It’s bound to happen. I just gotta wait my turn. โ™กโ˜†

  12. Have I missed something? Has the mental health establishment and the medical professional missed something?
    EVERYTHING I have read and studied, here and on my own and in conversations with medical doctors in the mental health field, all have said that there is no cure. No magic pill, no magic action to stop this disorder. One with this disorder can perhaps manage their behaviour. I can liken it to one who is gay to change how they feel. It isn’t going to happen. Or take one who is bi-polar, it doesn’t just go away. There are drugs to help with this but it is never cured.
    He can only manage it. In what I have read and learned, he has done this on so many levels.
    HG is a sociopathic Narcissist. Let this sink in.
    He is one to understand.
    Yes, it is frustrating to know he will be the way he is as we all want to have him be our perfect guy. He will ever be this.
    He can destroy every one of us and he doesn’t. Let us take what we can get.
    I understand this meme.
    I am just grateful he is here and sharing so we can learn.

    1. AHOH
      I actually agree with all that you’ve said. I just dont accept cant until he at least tries the isolation to see that he does not vaporize without people to fuel from. I accept him as he is and am grateful also that he is sharing in this way. I dont need him to prove it to me, just want him to prove to himself if its cant or wont. I am fine with him in the world as he is. We have a choice to interact or not. I just challenge him to challenge himself. He knows this.

      1. I think it is a but odd his Good Docs think they can change him. Out of all the doctors in this field what method do they have that has not been tried.
        I think it is more about managing the behavior. Making this choice and it will be his choice. But I think he does this already. He might mellow a bit with his machinations. As time goes by he could just not want to bother and go into depression. Who knows.
        Wait! The Shadow Knows!

  13. Strange.
    I cant imagine.
    Cant imagine that you would allow anyone to limit you with the word cant in any capacity much less use it to limit yourself.
    Cant imagine that a God would entertain any incapability.
    Cant imagine that your intelligence doesnt acknowledge that your tongue and hands are lying to your brain.
    Unless of course by I cant, you mean that which really controls you will not allow it and you accept that you have limitations.
    Sounds like the admission of a mere mortal to me.

  14. You can’t or you won’t? Context : I can’t (lying to oneself to continue to keep comfortable) and others feel bad or I won’t ( truth uncomfortable and won’t admit) yet enjoys what is doing ๐Ÿค”
    You can do anything HG, you hold the power in your hands.

  15. I was thinking that he can’t even stop hoovering, although nothing is the same and I’ ve changed. My feelings are not the same anymore and I believe it is quite obvious to him. I do not allow intimacy, it’s been over a year now, I avoid most of his phonecalls-I am kind, but not really interested. A question, HG: don’t you ever get bored? With the hoovering thing, I mean. Bored with the specific person that keeps rejecting the hoover?

    1. It is not boredom but rather if they keep rejecting the hoover then we are not gaining fuel and that is the factor which causes us to try elsewhere.

    1. I like it too. It’s not as jarring. This website is my dirty little secret, so I like that the picture is smaller. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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