Sadistic Streak


You could be forgiven for thinking that all of our kind are sadists. From your perspective, much of our behaviour, if not all, makes no sense and therefore it could be argued that to behave in the manner that we do must mean that we are all sadists. That is an understandable proposition. After all, if one day a person is kind to you and then the next is nasty to you when you have given them no reason to behave like that, then surely such behaviour is sadistic is it not? The behaviour has no grounding in any logic, the nastiness is manifesting just for the hell of it, is it not? Are we then not deriving pleasure from your hurt and discomfort and therefore that must makes us sadists?

A true or pure sadist is one who derives pleasure from the sadistic act. This often manifests in a sexual arena in that the act of sadism is acted out in a sexual engagement or the sadist becomes sexually aroused from the sadistic act (which may not be sexual in nature). Accordingly, a sadist may derive sexual pleasure from flagellating a bound and gagged individual. Similarly, a sadist may become sexually aroused from murdering the pet kitten of someone else.

Those of you have familiarity with my works will understand that fromm the narcissistic perspective, what we do is not done solely for pleasure (indeed we do not experience pleasure or joy) but rather it is done for the purposes of gaining fuel. It is our need for fuel which is the driver behind all of our behaviours because the emotional response of another provides us with the validation that we desperately require to fill up the void which exists inside of us.

The acquisition of fuel occurs in many, many arenas. It might be gaining a smile from an appreciative stranger as get in a lift with them, from the tears of our partner who is crying after we have held them by the throat and described how much we hate them or from them ecstatic groans of our lover as we provide them with orgasmic relief. In each instance, fuel is what flows, fuel is the aim and fuel is what is required.

All of our kind receives fuel from the emotional response of others. We do not feel joy from inflicting pain on you because we do not feel joy. Your pained expression provides fuel. It could be tears, it could be a smile, it could be laughter. As long as there is an emotional response then we gain fuel.

When you are hurt from our manipulations this is a by product of our need to gain fuel. It is a collateral consequence. Our lack of empathy means that we do not care that you are hurt. However, it goes further than this. The reduced cognitive function of the Lesser (and to some degree the lower echelons of the Mid-Ranger) means that not only do they not care that you are being hurt, they do not know you are being hurt. They see an emotional reaction and that provides fuel (although of course they do not know the mechanics of that operation). They cannot recognise the pain. I appreciate this will be rather hard for some people to grasp – how can he not know I am hurt when I am telling him so and he sees my face twisted in pain and the tears spilling down my face? The fact is, those members of our brethren neither care nor know. Thus when you are manipulated it is done purely for the fuel, it is not done primarily to hurt you. This is cold comfort nevertheless as the outcome remains the same. You are hurt.

Where we have a sadistic streak (and this is more prevalent with the upper echelons of the Mid-Range and the Greater Narcissist) we know we are hurting you and we do not care. The knowledge of your hurt adds further fuel. Accordingly, your emotional response which we witness provides us with the fuel (in the same way as a Lesser or lower echelon Mid-Ranger would) but the knowledge you are being hurt and we are causing this, provides  us with extra potent fuel.

A sadist behaves in the way that he or she does purely for the sake of pleasure. We do not do it. If we have a sadistic streak then we deploy it in our machinations for two purposes:-

  1. The provision of extra-potent fuel as described above; and
  2. For the purposes of punishment and revenge.

Our aim, through this sadism, is not solely pleasure but rather the reinforcement of our superiority. Not all of our kind wish to punish, hence, they have no sadistic streak. The Mid-Ranger who has lost his primary source will feel fury for this transgression but he is far more likely to direct his energies to applying an Initial Grand Hoover to get you back and reinstate the golden period. He has no urge to punish you. Even if that IGH fails, he will then focus on recruiting a new primary source and he will leave you alone. There may be benign follow-up hoovers when he devalues the new primary source, but there is still no desire to punish you He may be looking to ‘win you back’ or just gain positive fuel. If this fails, he may not apply a malign hoover, but instead will leave you be before returning at a later juncture with another benign hoover (if conditions are right).

If you have been discarded by a Lesser but you keep trying to find out why he has discarded you, he will apply malign hoovers. This is not done as an act of revenge, but is rather done to make you stay away so he can focus on his new primary source and so you will not spoil this golden period by telling lies (the truth) about him to the new primary source. He wants you deleted and the malign hoovers are a response to your interference.

If you find yourself in a situation where you know that your particular narcissist has a new primary source, you are doing nothing to enter the spheres of influence but your narcissist will not leave you alone and is applying malign hoovers against you, this is evidence of the sadistic streak. It manifests as a malicious obsession which causes you to enter the sixth sphere of influence (see the relevant section in What is Making Him Come Back? ) and then the Hoover Execution Criteria are met.

The relevant narcissist may not actually receive any Proximate Fuel from you as you are treated to these malign hoovers because he cannot see your reactions, so you may wonder, why would he do this? The reasons are as follows:-

  1. The sadistic streak means that he is willing to sacrifice the fuel he is gaining from the new primary source to carry out this sadistic, malign campaign against you. Usually, the narcissist will want to gorge on this positive fuel from the new primary source and keep his attention on this person, but where there is a sadistic streak, he is willing to use some of this fuel to power the malicious campaign against you as the discarded or escaped former primary source.
  2. The sadistic behaviour allows for the provision of Thought Fuel as the sadistic narcissist contemplates your terrified reactions and it is his perception of how you feel (even though he cannot see it and thus it is not Proximate Fuel) . Ordinarily, a non-sadistic narcissist would not bother to apply the energy to gain this weaker Thought Fuel but a sadistic narcissist will do so.
  3. Our superiority is maintained by doling out punishment and revenge. A non-sadistic narcissist would seek that reinforcement with a new primary source (because it is easier to gain that positive fuel from them and to focus on them solely). The demands of the sadistic narcissist are such that he requires this ratification and validation from both current primary source (positive fuel) and discarded former primary source (negative Thought Fuel and the power felt from the application of revenge).

Accordingly, when you are entangled with a narcissist, so that the Formal relationship is continuing and you are being devalued, and he exhibits sadistic behaviours towards you, this is for the purposes of gaining extra potent fuel. If the sadism occurs post escape or discard, this is done to punish you. If Proximate Fuel arises, so much the better but if it does not, this is not a massive concern to the sadistic narcissist because we are willing to sacrifice the fuel gained from another source in order to power our desire to achieve revenge over you.

Since you look at matters from your perspective and not ours, you may find it difficult to truly distinguish when sadistic behaviour is being used against you during the Formal Relationship. It is, however, at its most recognisable when you have escaped us or have been discarded. If you know we have a new primary source but there is a campaign of hurtful behaviour being used against you – slashing the tyres on your car, putting bricks through your windows, posting unsavoury comments about you online, handing outflyers accusing you of child abuse and such like – this is the sadism being manifested. This is not a smear because the smearing happens prior to your discard (so we have got in first) or if you have escaped, the smear will happen before we get another primary source. The key determining factor in knowing that you are facing a sadistic narcissist is that we have a new primary source and instead of relishing solely in the golden period with them, we are lashing out at you again and again.

27 thoughts on “Sadistic Streak

  1. Claudia 🌺 says:

    I wonder if NPDs are ever masochists? Seems like it’d go against the grain of what Narcissism is about, but still…

  2. Jen says:

    Luckily, my ex is not a sadist.

  3. Scout says:

    I find myself in this situation thinking the maliciousness I was subjected to last week and yesterday in particular was the start of a smear campaign, but now I see that my ex is a sadist. Although ex narc has a new supply source can I expect more sadistic treatment from him? In light of what happened yesterday, I don’t want to suffer any more indignation because I caught him out. I just want to be left alone. TQ.

  4. Entertainment says:

    I am a little confused about this post. Can a person with npd or sociopathic personality be a true and pure sadist?If the person who gets sexually aroused when he inflicts or is on the receiving end of the pain in the sexual arena receiving fuel only?

  5. E. B. says:

    You have described my present situation, HG!
    I really appreciate your time and the effort you put into explaining different aspects like the one above in depth. Thank you so much!

    (The female narcissist next door, who has been punishing me for years with her hurtful behaviour and through her Lesser-Lieutenants, is definitely a sadist. She has a primary source and many secondary ones to get fuel from. She is one of those people who do not seem to have any interest or hobby, except for gossiping and ruining other people’s relationships. It is punishment because I never wanted to have a “friendship” with her. This translates into providing her with fuel by being *subservient* to her. The fact that she cannot control me ignites her fury, I think.)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome EB.

      1. Rebecca says:

        My N is a sexual sadist. It was very foreign and creepy to me at first but frankly I find that now I enjoy it. Probably for the same reason as many who partake. To give up control and let someone else “drive” sexually. I have an anxiety disorder and sometimes it feels good to let someone else take control. In many areas. I am not sure what causes his Sadism? Possibly early exposure to severe violence. Is sexual sadism common in B’s and if so are you saying it’s just to fulfill a need to inflict pain?

  6. sarabella says:

    I don’t know, I think that some of the behaviors that appear sadistic are actually quite masochistic on the part of an N. We feel the cruelty but I think by allowing and creating such negative and horrible energy, that it must feel awful inside them. In order to exert that much control, there has to be an utter denial of self. A complete numbing, self abuse, a total denial of any joy or beauty for themselves. Masochistic. And the fuel is another way Narcs pump up the self flagellation. Its like the fuel allows them to take a cigarette and burn themselves and by so doing, numbing themselves out and denying anything good in themselves…

    1. musteryou says:

      I have thought so, too. By sabotaging me, they turn the positive into what can only be negative — for everybody

      1. sarabella says:

        Yup, narc tells me to stop hurting myself. I was quick in my reply… So, I am hurting myself by caring for you? Yup, they destroy everything positive just to stay in control and play their games.

    2. Think you might be on to something here… But some pain is exquisite…

  7. Ya Dancer says:

    Ahhh ya dancer- the article you referred me to. Thank you HG 🙂

  8. Is this for real? How can one not feel joy or pleasure?
    To be honest this reality of your kind is very hard to comprehend. Especially for a super empath. I get it as cold knowledge but that’s it.
    I read with interest.

    1. How can it be true if I’ve seen my narcs smile and laught at funny things? When you laugh it’s joy.
      Then they also find pleasure in food, and other creature comforts and pleasures.
      Is it only that greater Ns don’t feel joy and pleasure?
      That couldn’t have all been faked…

      1. Sunshine says:

        Yes, I don’t understand that either. Primary narc loves good food, travel, music, and is obsessed by his top-tier sports team. I’m pretty sure he loves his parents and family cats.

        So how does that figure?

  9. Noneedtoknow says:

    Quit making me Google your verbiage. Lol
    I already told you this…when I feel overwhelmed about something I have read or listened to from you I have to make it perky (like my breasts were 10 yrs ago) haaa or I’m going to have an emotional breakdown trying not to feel sorry for you..him…me ..etc. etc. Just smile HG! Smile!!

  10. Noneedtoknow says:

    Wtf?? I feel the need to go to church tonight to cleanse my soul for all of the thoughts I have right now. HG I need to give you an enema to cleanse you out as well! 😈

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Don’t be saucy.

      1. Noneedtoknow says:

        Just suck up the delicious fuel from all of your surroundings and I’ll continue to suck up the delicious knowledge you are providing me with. In the end we both win! 😀😁😀😁

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed we do.

  11. bananasareberries1 says:

    oh well, since I am in Marshall arts the poor guy would not have any teeth left if that was me….but I am not a regular empath and I would never tolerate such behavior, that was just creepy…like sleeping with a vampire of some sort

  12. Interesting

  13. My ex narc was a sadist but I didn’t know it. He used to bite me so hard on the inner thighs that I’d have teeth marks for at least a week. It hurt so bad I’d cry. I didn’t know that was fuel at the time. I didn’t really know anything due to my young age.

    1. Snow White says:

      I don’t believe my ex is a sadist but I got the exact marks that you did.

      She bit hard and I remember one bite on my neck that hurt one of my nerves so bad that I had to take some pain pills. My body was always exhausted. Might have been because she was 17 years younger. She wore me out.

      HG, I know you always say that leaving marks causes evidence but I’m thinking she enjoyed leaving marks because it did provide her fuel because of the noises that I made and she was always obsessed with the word “MINE” and she
      felt that when she left them. Maybe she was hoping that my husband would see them. I don’t know.

      And wouldn’t she use the marks left on her as triangulation between me and her girlfriend?
      Example: her scratches are deeper
      Look how red they are
      She liked the pain of nails being scratched and dug in her skin but I think that’s the fuel she would get from her bedroom skills.
      Do you think these observations are correct?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        The consequential impact of leaving marks is not something that would be in the mind of the Lesser for example at the time of commission.

        Yes, where you leave a mark on the narcissist it might be used to
        a. Triangulate as you describe;
        b. Draw pity;
        c. Use against you in criminal proceedings
        d. Use as part of a smear campaign

        1. Snow White says:

          Thanks for always breaking everything down for me. I always look forward to your observations and responses.

    2. AH OH says:

      LOL, I have left teeth marks on inner thighs. I love to bite, always have. I love to be bit too. Yes with teeth marks. But this is all. I think it more of a primal thing than sadistic.

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