We do not do things by halves. There is no magnolia adorning the walls where we live. Muzak does not play in the background and we never choose to eat vanilla ice cream. If it is neutral, if it is middle of the road and if it is sat on the fence we do not want to know. If it is bland you can forget about it, if something is inoffensive it is of no use to us and words such as unobjectionable, unprejudiced and unbiased are pointless.

We are not interested in fair or equitable and indifference is loathed by us. If you are uncommitted, open-minded, even-handed, detached and unaligned you are not performing as we want you to. Anything which smacks of being straight down the middle holds no interest for us because everything that we want has to be extreme. We want it ice cold or burning hot. Take our ignited fury for instance. When you pass comment on us or do something which is a criticism and you do so in an unemotional, detached and straightforward manner you may as well drive a spear into our hearts as this criticism wounds and burns. To counter it, our fury will ignite and then we retaliate by adopting the extreme. We may lash out at you, pouring scorn and labelling you with a medley of offensive and nasty words, designed to tear into you and cause you to sob. We may adopt the other extreme and provide you with our haughty and stand-offish cold fury, the icy glare and cold shoulder turned towards you. We live and flourish by extremes. There is never any settling for average. It is either feast or famine.

In the beginning, we must create a deluge of false affection as we lavish you with compliments and praise. The words come easily and these softly spoken or enthused exclamations (even our method of delivery adopts an extreme) are poured over you so you are drenched with our affection and love. You are drowning in desire, swamped by our seduction and buried beneath an avalanche of affection. You are given the expensive gifts, nothing cheap, nothing crass or tatty, only the finest and most delightful items are selected for you. You are regaled with tales of our achievements, our excellence and our brilliance. I was not player of the year once but four times. I am not just the highest biller in the department but the entire firm. My car is top of its range. I only ever eat organic, none of that fast processed food for me. My handkerchiefs are silk not cotton. I have three toothbrushes for morning, noon and night. I use four different skin products when I wash in the morning. You read War and Peace in a week? I did it in three days. I don’t just text message you once or twice each day, no, what would be the point of that? You receive a text tsunami. Impressed? You ought to be. That is how special you are and how sensational I am by being able to ping text after text your way and still be as hard-working as I am.

I don’t obey the speed limit, that is for ordinary people. When it is time to go out and party, you will always notice when my entourage and I have arrived. Just watch that bar bill escalate. Why have one partner when five can be juggled? Why gamble a hundred pounds when a thousand will win much more? Five star? I want five-star superior? I am the five-star combatant – the Admiral of the Fleet, Field Marshal and Marshal of the Air Force. Turn it up to eleven. Why a dozen guests? Make it two dozen. Let’s make a show, let’s make a splash, let’s push it further. I lead a life of excess. I engage in extreme behaviours. I never just talk, I either shout and rage or seductively whisper. I don’t get a cold, I have pneumonia and you had better look after me whilst I have it.

Not only do I cause you to soar to the heights, I also take you to the extreme depths. I freeze you out. I lambast you with acidic words. I take it away and send you tumbling towards rock bottom. Down, downwards I will cast you. I don’t just want you to cry, I want you to wail and scream. I don’t want you irritated by my behaviour, I want you to be angry, blowing a gasket, beside yourself with annoyance. I do not want you to be sad, I want you to be desolate. I do not want you to be unhappy, I want you to be mired in misery. High or low, it does not matter as long as it is not in the middle.

Why am I like this? Why does my kind and me never settle for okay or fine, but have to take it to outstanding or terrible? We do so because extreme means special. Extreme means superior. Extreme means you will take notice of me. I do not just fade into the background. I am not beige. I do not sink into a grey sea. I am impenetrable darkness and I am glorious light. I am not a steady monotone, for I am the heavy, resonant and sonorous bass and the tinkling angelic bells.

          I am like this because nobody remembers the middle man, the middle ranking and the go-between. Neutral is nothing. I must be noticed. I must be admired. I must shock and awe. I must stand out, turn heads and be the topic of conversation, good or bad, it matters not so long as I am recognised. I must provoke, stimulate and arouse so I am always noticed and paid attention to. I must always take it as far as possible and the further again. Extreme is the only option available to me. How else am I going to fill this emptiness?

56 thoughts on “Extreme

  1. Bloody Elemental says:

    No one, but in order to keep the Lifetime Movie Drama going, we have to pretend.

    Slap a big ol’ filet mignon on that eye of yours and quit whining.

    1. Claudia 🌺 says:

      I just watched a Lifetime movie, last night, B_E! It was sort of scary.

      1. 👻👻👻

  2. NarcAngel says:

    Oooooookay……As usual-people gravitate to one word and become unglued.
    If there are no sluts what does the word exist for? Seems the problem is we all have a different definition.
    When I said Sarabella was right, I was referring to the fact that both men and women can be labelled as such, but I was referring to HG in previous post and to my knowledge from information here, he does not engage with men sexually. I understand the history of womens dependence on men for money but there are plenty now who have their own and it has not stopped the behaviour. Women brag to other women about men buying them gifts as a type of competition and still expect for the most part that they pay for dinners and dates. There are plenty of women who expect to be taken care of for no other reason than they are female. The Princess mentality due to Disney etc, discussed in previous threads has even acknowledged this.
    Sleeping freely is not an issue for me and does not make you a slut in my eyes. I encourage freedom sexually and do not judge people for their preferences. Paying for sex also does not make you a slut in my eyes-that is simply a business transaction.
    No, that you end up with a man who abuses you and you end up staying for a while, is twisting my words. I am talking about women who go into the relationship with the goal or aim of acheiving status, visibility, access to special venues, and the general trappings of wealth. The ones who will dump off their kids, turn on friends and family, and snap off their heels trying to get to a man that they may even know to be less than moral but nice looking with a loose wallet (and if they dont know, when they do, will conveniently ignore it to support THEIR facade), to be first in rotation and then will become a victim when it all goes wrong. They get what they pay for and are as accountable for their actions as a Narc. Maybe more so as they are aware and their only diagnosis is greed. If any of your daughters were exhibiting these behaviours I doubt you would think it was okay. The usual double standard-I defend the rights of women I dont know to do this, but not MY daughter. If you do not believe these women exist (and are the ones I was referring to) then you are very sheltered indeed and prime bait for a Narc being as naive as you are. Lets cut the shit that all women are good girls done wrong.
    I also stated that I have overlooked things when it was to my benefit and I would probably fit the definition most of you would use for a slut, but that bothers me not as I own my behaviour and care not about the labels of others. I will be whoever you need me to be to support your need to feel decent and moral next to me and those like me, and I will not lose one minute of sleep. Hows that for support?

    1. NA,
      Between you and Sara Bella I think the swelling in my eye went down a little bit. *ducking next blow*

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Who is swinging?

      2. sarabella says:

        ABB, what do you mean? lol

      3. Bloody Elemental says:


        Glad to see you took my suggestion, but then again, of course you would as it was an excellent one. How it pleases me to see you took my words to heart and paid homage to me in such a way!

        This drives home several of my points even further than you know.

        Firstly, what you did there was self-deprecating. Many people use self-deprecating humour to relieve tension or stress and I have seen you use it here numerous times.

        Those of us with APD would never resort to self-deprecation or self-effacement to get praise and/or compliments.

        Secondly, it proves you will do just about anything for attention, including trying too hard.

        We do not need to try, period.

  3. LOISLANE says:

    HG – wondering what is the reaction from the greater narc to a supernova empath that returns better, hotter than ever (and completely disinterested) is it wounding?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If the reward in fuel is there and there is a straight forward ’tilt’ at the SE, then their disinterest is likely to be seen as something to breach and overcome. If it is not, then this will wound and if it is, fuel flows.

  4. ME says:

    Just to add:
    1. Sorry for the typing mistakes
    2. Curious that the only two who defended the “sluts” immediately were HG, and Bloodyelemental… We are our worst enemies.

    1. Bloody Elemental says:

      Hi ME,

      It is interesting. Do you have any thoughts on why this is?

      It is only ever women who have called me a slut and it has been in error. When their husbands or partners chose to stray, it was a conscious decision they made themselves.

      The argument of, “Well how was he supposed to resist you when you seducing him?” has been made and I always counter with, “If he loved you and had it so good at home, he would not have risked everything for one night with me.” <—–Of course he would.

      I maintain that if a man is truly content and happy at home, he would not allow himself to be in a situation with me (or any woman for that matter) where he might be "tempted" to stray in the first place. If a man entertains the seduction, if he does not attempt to stop it in its tracks the moment he sees it happening, the onus is on him to have the integrity and loyalty to tell me he is not interested.

      I have only ever had one man turn me down and it was only because he had a pre-nuptial agreement with his wife that contained an infidelity clause and his wife was guaranteed a rather hefty sum of money if he ever strayed outside the marriage.

      Another example is a time I wore an expensive Chanel suit to the office and it was quite sexy, though not inappropriate for the workplace. A trusty lieutenant told me that one of the women in the office said I looked like a whore and of course, I chalked it up to jealousy because I received numerous compliments on how lovely I looked.

      She was not aware that I knew about what she had said, so later that same day I approached her and, after a polite conversation I leaned in nice and close and whispered, "By the way, whores cannot afford Chanel and I am quite certain HR will not have a problem ensuring you never will once I file my complaint with them."

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Exactly BE. It is ALWAYS the other womans fault for being so fabulous and tempting isnt it?

        1. Bloody Elemental says:


          Typically yes, it is.

          “Well how was he supposed to say no to you when you look like that?”

          “He did not stand a chance with you whispering in his ear and pressing up against him.”

          “If you had left him alone, this would not have happened.”

          I have heard it all and as I said, only ever from women. I believe in some cases, their hurt, pain and confusion makes it necessary for them to lay the blame on someone else.

          I suppose that would work out well if I was the type of person who accepted blame. But I do not and so, more often than not, my summation of the situation forces them to realize the problem is not that I seduced their partner, but that their partner allowed the seduction to take place at all.

          No one is off limits for me and often, the closer to home the target it is, the more satisfying the victory.

          1. NarcAngel says:

            I cant imagine how lost they are for a reason if she is NOT fabulous and temping. In most cases the other woman is as average as they are.

      2. sarabella says:

        Many men call women sluts, the same women they lured into bed. Madonna whore complex operates in us all

        1. Bloody Elemental says:

          Speak for yourself. I have no interest in being viewed as or behaving like a saint. No man would ever mistake me for one anyway.

          Madonna-Whore complex is typically attributed to a man’s attitude about women.

          I never said men do not call women sluts. I said they have not called me a slut.

      3. sarabella says:

        sorry, dbl post on the extreme writing i did, this one out of context while the other fit better.

      4. sarabella says:

        BE, I was referring to this whole twisted discussion of whore, slut, saint, whatever…. The Madonna Whore complex is alive in men and women, believe me. We only think its a psychological dynamic in men in their view of women. But all of society is deeply affected by it. Its a deep part of that huge listing HG has on media and movies and song a love and romance…. its a component of it

  5. ME says:

    Unfortunately we still live in a society where women who sleep freely with who they want are tagged as sluts. If they end up with a man who abuses them and they take that shit for a while then they must be “gold diggers”.
    With this kind of mentality we aren’t going anywhere, it doesn’t help us at all.
    I remember I felt “flattered ” when my psycho ex told me he couldn’t believe I was with him because I had everything, I wasn’t taking advantage of him in any way (work, money, etc)… stupid, stupid me I felt flattered and thought his exes where opportunists instead of poor codependents who ended up paying very much for what they took in exchange.
    Sorry for this, I just think this misogynistic mentality ends ups empowering narcs and diminishing the victims, females obviously.

  6. I love vanilla ice cream.. 🙁

    1. that reminds me, I need to buy some as soon as tomorrow after work!

  7. Jen says:

    All to fill the emptiness😔

  8. Ollie says:

    This is so true. I was so ‘surprised’ on a few occassions that ex N could wreck such havoc in such a short period of time, not even directed towards me in these cases, but say having coffee in a coffee shop and getting into a verbal fight within minutes with the other customers or getting thrown out of a restaurant after only being in there for a few minutes. I was like: ‘wait, what the flipping heck just happened?’ No rhyme or reason, just extreme instantly unleashed fury.
    Soooo weird…

  9. survivednarc says:

    But.. I seem to remember from a previous post of yours, that you mentioned you never wanted anyone to die/commit suicide.. And I got a strong feeling from that post of yours, that you tried to assign that to the fact that you did not want to lose fuel (?) (I could be wrong on this one). However, I do perceive you as a good person at least to the extent that you would honestly not want another person to physically die, I think there is some kind of limit for you, there.. But, when it comes to extremes, my question is; Why would not my narcissist ex stop even when I told him that the likely outcome of his subtle (but horrible) abuse, would be, either: my complete breakdown, OR my death?
    He simply said he absolutely didn’t want any of those things (he viewed himself as a “good guy”, despite constant lying, cheating, devaluing, silent treatments, etc etc). But regardless of him stating he wouldn’t want me to have a breakdown or die, he kept doing sll the things he did… so, I am just wondering about that. Just seems weird.

    I got the feeling that since he never allowed himself to feel sad, he wanted to see me sad. A lot. So he got to live his own sadness “vicariously through me”. Oh god,I am so glad I survived.. But, why wouldn’t he even cared when I said there was a risk I could die? I thought nsrcissists somewhat cared about people not dying, from their treatment? (If only for their own image..). Glad for your thoughts. 🌹🌹🌹✌🙋

  10. Maria says:

    Then i am more then a Narcissist because i am a passionate extremist..
    in everything..

    1. sarabella says:

      I got pretty extreme with the narc. In writing. Copious amounts of writing. He had no interest in what I wrote, pretended he didn’t read it, too. But comments he let drop here and there told he read more than not. Most of it was endless processing of the insane and hurtful dynmaic. Logic after logic applied to his deeply hurtful behavior. He had gutted me and left me in a pile of hurt. It was the only way i knew out but it was extreme written expression. I couldn’t until now, find the off valve.

      HG, did you get ‘writers’ trying to process what you had done to them?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I get all of my victims trying to process what i have done to them.

        1. sarabella says:

          It was a long road to figure it out. But when I really got it, I flipped something on him. I hope it works. I won’t ever know, but I hope I was able to take some of your tactics and successfully flip them while pretending I was still so clueless. At least it allowed me to take all of my power back as I finally walked away.

  11. Claudia says:

    Same here, but I am trying to take hold of some middle ground in some areas of my life.

    1. Claudia says:

      …as far as extremes are considered, and ‘black and white’ thinking.

  12. Lou says:

    So what is your favorite ice cream flavor HG? Double espresso with dark chocolate chips?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Whichever one is your favourite Lou.

      1. Lou says:

        Then all flavors are good except for mint with chocolate chips

      2. Lou says:

        Oh, and stracciatella. You do NOT like stracciatella. Yuck!

      3. Lou says:

        The thing is, I love ice cream. I have to have it everyday because I need that serotonin boost to get me going so that the big bitch inside of me doesn’t take control over good smiling Lou. So how can I have a favorite flavor? I have several primary choices. Tiramisu is a primary choice for the moment. It has chunks of tiramisu in it and the serotonin boost that it gives me is powerful. But I know the power of the boost will decrease with time, I will grow tired of tiramisu and will change to another flavor. I am always looking for other flavors that could be primary choices. I ate in a fancy restaurant last night and had a scoop of salted caramel ice cream for dessert. It was good but not good enough to become a primary choice. However, the crème brûlée ice cream I saw the other day in a supermarket looks very good. I will try it very soon.
        I always have vanilla ice cream in my freezer though. It is so neutral and delicate, it always creates this big contrast with the other flavors, which enhances the serotonin boost by the other flavors. Vanilla ice cream is always good to create contrast and enhance the boost, HG. Do not discard it so easily.

      4. Lou says:

        Oh, I just read Just the way it is. Seems we have a lot in common except for mint with chocolate chips.

  13. sarabella says:

    “Are you sure they were actual victims youve had or scheming sluts? ”

    LOL Narcs are scheming sluts….. always the female who is the slut, the male, the harem manager, butt not a slut. *eyes rolling*

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Youre absolutely right. I just have witnessed more the women in that role than men personally and I was referring to HGs situation. Not many men are raised to have a woman look after them as girls are raised with that belief. But youre right-it goes both ways.

      1. sarabella says:

        Females are raised with that belief because men have traditionally had the primary access to money. You didnt find a man with money, you were screwed in the survival department or left with menial jobs. Less so in the developed world but a very stron reality elsewhere in the world. If you found yourself pregnant and alone, an no job, you either become a prostitute outrightx or play the narc/socipath game and play people’s emotions to get to their wallet. This goes beyond basic pathology and into culture and society.

    2. Lou says:

      I agree with you, Sarabella

    3. Claudia says:

      This is so true from what I’ve read: Female Narcs are Sluts.

      1. sarabella says:

        Male narcs are sluts. All narcs are. Males just hide under ‘men have needs’ or society says its ok for men not women.

    4. Bloody Elemental says:

      Unfortunately, this is because many women who choose to sleep around do not know how to do so without coming off as or behaving like a slut.

      As with everything, there is a right way and a wrong way. If you are not going it my way, you are doing it wrong.


      1. AH OH says:

        REALLY BE? Do tell how to do it.

        In my world, I have seen it all and I can tell you exactly how men think when it comes to this.

        1. Bloody Elemental says:

          I know exactly how men think, but thank you just the same.

          1. AH OH says:

            Do you? Do you really?

      2. AH OH says:

        I know because they tell me. I also have son’s that tell me what they think of females who are promiscuous. No matter how classy you think you are.

      3. Bloody Elemental says:

        Ah Oh,

        You can tell me how the men you know or have spoken to feel about this. You do not speak for all men.

        I believe I have seen you go on about lust and love et al quite a few times here in this space, so if your aim was to attempt to denigrate me because you have an issue with me (which you should not since I have no quarrel with you – yet), I suggest you tread lightly.

        Then again, your reaction would not surprise me in the least since it is how most women who think it is their place to judge me (I suspect it is because they have nothing better to do with their time) react to me.


        Either way, I do not care about their opinions, nor anyone else’s for that matter since I do what I want, when I want, how I want. I do not abide by social norms or constructs because they do not apply to me. I am not bound by rules, nor am I a slave to right or wrong. I simply do, I simply live, I simply am.

        It is irrelevant to me what your sons or the men you know think about women like me especially since I know, if I were standing in front of them teasing, tempting and inviting, I highly doubt they would be able to turn me down.

        I do not understand monogamy – it is an archaic concept that makes little sense to me when neither men nor women are hardwired to be monogamous (research has shown that monogamous relationships result in a steep decline in libido for both men and women, most especially women).

        1. NarcAngel says:

          I do not believe in monogamy either. The proof that people are not meant to be, is the institution of marriage. It would not be required if people were not expected to stray. It was instituted for only that purpose and by religion. If people were naturally monogamous they would go about their business without thought of having to display or declare their union to others. It would simply be assumed. But the big business of religion comes along……….and now your union must be sanctioned by others. Cue full church coffers everywhere.

  14. NarcAngel says:

    Sounds about right. We all know you can take Asshole to the extreme on occasion.
    Also, saving your snot is gross. Do rich people still do this? Dont care if it is in silk. Use a kleenex and throw it away.
    Otherwise it sounds like a fabulous ride, but one you must pay for when you sign up. Everything has a price.

    Serious question: Do you think that some of your intimate partners were not oblivious to what you are or what was going on but were gold diggers that were willing to pay the price and held on as long as they could for the benefits but ultimately just couldnt take any more? I have pretended not to notice things when its been to my benefit. This would not make them victims but opportunists in which case-they get what they deserve. Are you sure they were actual victims youve had or scheming sluts? Some women are such that you would never know, as you say your partners were not aware of what you are. I think it matters because of the perceived control on your part. Im guessing your mind would not allow you to admit you may not have always been in control but the victim of deceit?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I would not describe them as gold diggers. There have been some IPSSs like that – hence why they never made it to IPSS. The IPPSs will of course have enjoyed the benefit of my largesse but that was not the only reason they clung on, remember, there were reasons I chose them.

  15. sarabella says:

    “Take our ignited fury for instance. When you pass comment on us or do something which is a criticism and you do so in an unemotional, detached and straightforward manner you may as well drive a spear into our hearts as this criticism wounds and burns. To counter it, our fury will ignite and then we retaliate by adopting the extreme. We may lash out at you, pouring scorn and labelling you with a medley of offensive and nasty words, designed to tear into you and cause you to sob. ”

    But when you do this too often, the result? Ultimate indifference. You are forgotten as no one special, predictable, and boring in your inability to respond in any other way in the end.

    How often are you in the end finally abandoned by people who grow so weary of this behavior? This what the Narc did to me this weekend. He went too far now, so he killed everything.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Rarely because the one who experiences this the most often is the primary source who for a variety of reasons endures this repeatedly. Yes, there are those who escape but it takes them a considerable time before realisation strikes that they ought to do something. By the time you realise it is appropriate to respond with indifference then there is every chance you have been discarded and someone else has been put in place.
      I accept some will escape because of their weariness, but they are few in number.

      1. sarabella says:

        so, he did all this saturday and blocked me in his screaming fit. i gave chase (fully aware to manipulate my escape), and then he allowed the new communication in IG but did not accept the message. And then 3 days after Saturday, yesterday, he clicks an unread message in FB that’s 2 weeks old. If i was truly discarded, he would leave it there forever unread to show me I am truly irrelevant, no?

        I am not primary and yet, I sort of think I am in a virtual way. Can someone be a virtual primary for a fading narc who will never find a true primary again (its all stacked against him) where he lives given the small town where he has burned out his welcome and will only find extremely downgraded uneducated, desperately poor fuel? Given your knowledge, what is the chance he is going to ‘accept’ the IG message as his own way to ‘back down’ and not say a thing? When you go overboard, how do you passively, without overt lovebombing, draw someone back in? What he just did? Read a message he ignored for weeks, just 3 days after screaming at me I am no one to him? And then not block my new ‘chased’ communication?

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