The Narcissistic Truths – No. 206

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86 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 206”

    1. It is fantastic that you turned your life around for the better, Anna Belle Black. And if you consider yourself to be cured, and certainly show a healing/healed soul (from the snippets you share on here), who is to say you aren’t?

      It all boils down to addiction. The narc is addicted to fuel, the empath is addicted to love, and the co-dependent is addicted to external validation. ‘Cured’ implies a final, unchangeable result, which is probably inaccurate to apply to addictions. It’s more a ‘cured for the time being’ πŸ™‚ as we are adopting new, healthier behaviour patterns to manage the problem.

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      1. That’s an interesting question.

        From what I have read, both empath and co-dependent are empathic individuals. The empath establishes boundaries which she will defend against the narc if necessary. Her patience and willingness to meet his needs are vast, but not unlimited. The co-dependent however, is solely focused on satisfying the narc’s needs to the point of self-abandonment. She does so, because her well-being is dependent on his approval. Like a people pleaser or doormat.

        One could argue that a narcissist is a co-dependent, as he is 100% dependent on external validation, positive or negative! He controls how he extracts fuel, but he needs our emotional responses as a validation that he exists… and that he matters.

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  1. there seems to be a technical glitch on your blog. the body text in all your original THE NARCISSISTIC TRUTHS posts is missing on all devices (updated posts seem to be fine). am missing so much info! anyone else in the same boat? HG, can you or a techie fix this issue?

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      1. LOL you must post this at the top. It seems some get confused on the memes. Maybe put the word “meme” beside Narcissistic Truths, Just a thought.

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  2. She did not see you as an individual. I am always surprised, when I listen to my cousin who describes her children. She knows their character traits very well and reacts to them in an appropriate manner. She even loves the “bad” traits and shows their children how to handle them in a healthy way. She does not suppress those feelings, but explains them their feelings and helps them to find a way out of their bad feelings . So that they can be happy again. My mother is not able to describe me as a child. I was only an easy child. Nothing else.

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    1. Mona: I was a difficult child. The one who she could have ‘beaten black and blue’ while I stared at her and dared her to continue. She never did but she knew would have been facing only herself had she done so because I would not have given an inch. Her threats of violence never curbed my behavior like they did with my brother. Other than that, not sure what else she would say. I don’t think she loved anything about me to tell you the truth.

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      1. The more my mother hit me, the more I laughed. It made her so mad. The other two bent easily to her will and represented her well. She paraded them around like little trophies of her successful parenting. One sister had a baby on her Birthday. The other named a baby after her. Gross!

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  3. Little tools I can use to make myself look more magnificent. You shall be a scientist. You, an artist. Why not a ballet dancer? You… I do not know yet. I shall decide for you later.

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  4. Was the woman in the image beaten down and/or was she the narcissist, or was she playing out her childhood onto an innocent child as she had been HG? The cycle and it only takes one N (to repeat and play out their childhood onto one that is innocent and that includes adjusted people who happened to (as you say, couple with a narcissist) for it to infect many lives and generations.

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      1. I’m an empath who married an N. I have 3 children. Two are N’s – a son and a daughter. It breaks my heart because I worked so hard on myself and to shield them from his influence. Yet, I’m sure I played a part in this as well. I had to guess at what was normal while getting help and learning how to parent after being raised by two N’s.

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    1. Hi Purple, I’m glad I found you here! I wanted to respond to your comment in ‘All in the Eyes’ article, but the thread was sooo long, I was afraid it would get lost.

      I left this blog a short while ago because I didn’t agree with all the rules and regulations. I understand that this is Mr. Tudor’s castle, and I have to respect his law when on his land. It is futile for me to try to fight it. I also needed to step back and emotionally disconnect. This blog was my outlet for months and I’m so grateful for Mr. Tudor’s wisdom and all the wonderful people I met here. But I could tell I was too deeply submerged, and needed a breather. I was not operating at full empath capacity.
      Why I am posting now is because of Purple’s comment that came to my email a few days ago since I had followed the article. The comment laid very heavy on my heart and prompted me to think hard about my words and empathy. It made me question how I have responded to comments in the past. Purple wrote: “…read between the lines of a (meltdown or rage from your perspective- but a life saving outlet no matter how scrambled words may be to help a person to vent) as there have been plenty on this site ….Personally, I would rather listen to gibberish from a distressed person and encourage them, than kick them in the gut when they may have been hanging by a thread.”
      Purple, your words moved me. They are incredibly powerful! Thank you for giving me more awareness and opening my heart further. I realize that often, we don’t know that person’s trauma/pain when they are venting/lashing out. It is easy to diagnose, label, and crucify. Yet, maybe all that person needs is a sounding board.
      Also, Mr. Tudor, you inspired me to start blogging. You introduced me to a new world and I thank you.

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      1. LOVE
        And here I thought you were just in England! (In Tudors study behind the curtains no less) Ive missed your humor. Which rules and regulations? Are there new ones of which I am unaware (besides this is not a baking or crochet blog?)Its nice that you feel youve grown and had revelation but you know what? Sometimes gibberish is just that-gibberish. I have never heard you say anything mean. In fact, you have made light again after I have rained down darkness. So I hope you stay and will contribute. Btw-your pic, so cute you are!!

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      2. Awwww! Thank you for your sweet words NarcAngel. ❀ it is lonely in the blog world without you ladies. I miss you all! ❀

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      3. NarcAngel, I just noticed your comment was in the big slammer for 5 days! A lot of mine became rebellious troublemakers. They are in comment heaven now πŸ˜‡

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      4. Love,
        I hope this gets back to you!!
        I agree with NA.
        I love your comments and your humor. We all bring our different experiences to this blog and I have missed your input.
        Sending you hugs❀️🍎❀️

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      5. Love: No thanks is necessary as I too have been in the position of making judgements and labeling and cannot depend on my own understanding, that is why there is one main man in my life and that is that man who can see right through my heart. Call him Jesus, call him God but I relate to him as the most highest and the most wise. I have come to lean on him alot more as I go through the gnashing teeth of a narcissist (probably moreso psychopath) at my face attempting to take chunks of my flesh as easily as his teeth severed a bible. Most difficult and destructive persistent attempt to finish me off. God knows my tears have run in a way they have not run before in my darkest and most grieving hours to days to months to years. This time they flow as a constant reminder of the losses that I have felt and of the courage that I have lent to others when I have been the lamb to torture before the kill. My lips once kissed so passionately are reminders in the mirror of the women who heaved her heart and soul into the wrong God. My God is a jealous God and I guess this journey has meant that the only man after two long marriages were not what my God wanted for me. My beauty shall survive this and as my body and cells are burning so uncomfortably for rest, for restoration I can no longer ignore her. She has been through a horrendous bootcamp that I shall make good of for those who have less understanding so that people like us can teach those of us empaths that feel so much, what dangerous and arid terrain is encountered when meeting ‘the beast’ face on. The she is I and I is her and she never abandoned me. I passed the most grueling bootcamp that sets me right so his heinousm the jealous God can give me the paradise that shall become mine forever. One where my spiritual body shall be exhalted. Love, I also thank your Mr Tudor for confirming what I knew was true and it has given me a sense of empowerment because it backs up our testimonies. Thank you HG and I was wondering Love if your purple lipstick ever arrived πŸ™‚ Thank you.

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      6. Thank you Purple. You are a strong woman. I hope you have many many more years in your physical body where you can share your spiritual knowledge.
        Yes, the lipstick arrived some time ago. I actually wore it to an event last night and got a lot of compliments. Thank you!

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  5. When did you first realize that was how your mother viewed you? I know as a child you relentlessly tried to get her approval, but was it in therapy or before that you realized you’re her mini mirror?
    Did she have a favorite between you, Rachel and Lennox? Do they also know they were mini mirrors? Since you’ve been in therapy, has it made them reflect or ponder things from childhood and come to you to confide in or be a sounding board to help figure anything out?

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    1. In the engagement with the good doctors.
      She did not exhibit favouritism I suppose the closest I ever saw this was when she addressed us all and said “Of you all it is HG who is destined for greatness, if he realises and does something about it.”
      I do not know if they know they are little mirrors.
      They talk about things from our childhood all the time. It bores me.

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      1. They look up to you because you’re their big brother. They’re probably trying to connect with you, but I understand why your walls would be up about hearing anything from childhood. Better to stay numb to not feel any triggers.

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      2. Do you have therapy sessions with your siblings?
        Are you bored because they remember your childhood differently than you do?

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      3. How often do you see your mother and siblings?
        Didn’t MatriNarc’s comment about you being the only one destined for greatness create rivalry or jealousy in your siblings?
        Of the three of you, are you the one that looks most like her HG?

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      4. My sisters still act and talk like our childhood had been wonderful and normal. I have nothing to share with them.

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      5. I was my mom’s “favorite”. I believe I was the one who gave her the most fuel, but I was also the one that resembled her the most, physically. I think that played a big role in her favoritism towards me.

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      6. This is another reason why I do not wish to go to therapy, they talk about childhood. I, myself, not only find it boring, but I cannot talk about it without despairing into panic and very deeply, black depression.

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  6. You scolded me yesterday for responding to a post where you did not address me personally. I realized you originally responded to a post I started on the blog Bare Necessity. I was not addressing you personally either. Your post above stirs it up again since I was the only one who questioned your claim to be cured. Further, the 3 people who responded to what you put in black and white hardly constitutes “everyone”. No one cares if your cured. The responses were generated by how much you contradict your own claims. Let it go. You’re fine.

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    1. She isn’t a cured narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath…true story.

      Dr. Quinzel set that straight haha

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  7. I see no sadness in her face. She looks smug and pleased that the children are under her control.

    I am definitely a mirror of my father, grandfather, et al. They saw to it that I was from early on.

    When I am around them, I see the way they look at me – with that same look of smugness and satisfaction that I have turned out exactly the way they wanted me to. There is admiration and….something else in the way they look at me as well. I cannot always place exactly what it is but it is there just the same.

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    1. I’m not the best judge of facial expressions. Smug to me means a smirk and gleam that needs removal. This face shows neither. Her eyes almost look vacant.

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      1. 1jaded1,

        I am simply sharing what I see in her facial expression. Moreso, what I see reflecting in her eyes (or perhaps, what is not reflecting in them).

        There is a coy sense of satisfaction (smugness) that it is detectable to me.

        I can respect if you do not share my opinion of the photo.

        To each her own.

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    1. My father is dead so he did not have any recognition.
      My sister knows but typically of her is sympathetic to Matrinarc.
      My brother makes excuses but he knows even though he has never said as such.
      My half-brother has never said anything, but he has never really liked her anyway and distanced himself from her.

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      1. Oddly enough when my father had his stroke, I found out all of my family knew that there was something wrong with him. It seemed it swayed their judgement toward putting him on the palliative care track, rather than on the recovery track. I, being the scapegoat, was the only one in the family that believed in the possibility of a recovery track.

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      2. thank you for that, HG. what are the odds of your sister disengaging from your mother (against Matrinarc’s will)? i believe you’ve described your sister as a co-dependant (doormat?), but seemingly aware of your mother’s narc traits.

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      3. Hello CLJ, next to nothing. My sister knows what our mother is but cannot bring herself to do what is required because of the familial influence.

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  8. Has Matrinarc stopped talking to you or you to her? Some weeks ago there was a comment by a Helen Keller kind of comparing you with Hitler. Was that really your mother HG? She was pretty angry. Do you have contact with her now?

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  9. That is what I thought. Do you think Raechel reads your blog? If she does, she must then give Matrinarc fuel out of charity.

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  10. Love: No thanks is necessary as I too have been in the position of making judgement’s and labeling and cannot depend on my own understanding, that is why there is one main man in my life and that is that man who can see right through my heart. Call him Jesus, call him God but I relate to him as the most highest and the most wise. I have come to lean on him alot more as I go through the gnashing teeth of a narcissist (probably more so psychopath) at my face attempting to take chunks of my flesh as easily as his teeth severed a bible. Most difficult and destructive persistent attempt to finish me off.

    God knows my tears have run in a way they have not run before in my darkest and most grieving hours to days to months to years. This time they flow as a constant reminder of the losses that I have felt and of the courage that I have lent to others when I have been the lamb to torture before the kill. My lips once kissed so passionately are reminders in the mirror of the woman who heaved her heart and soul into the wrong God. My God is a jealous God and I guess this journey has meant that the only man after two long marriages were not what my God wanted for me.

    My beauty shall survive this and as my body and cells are burning so uncomfortably for rest, for restoration I can no longer ignore her. She has been through a horrendous boot-camp that I shall make good of for those who have less understanding so that people like us can teach empath’s that feel so much, what dangerous and arid terrain is encountered when meeting β€˜the beast’ face on. The she is I and I is her and she never abandoned me. I passed the most grueling
    boot camp that sets me right so his highness the jealous God can give me the paradise that shall become mine forever. One where my spiritual body shall be exalted. Love, I also thank your Mr Tudor for confirming what I knew was true and it has given me a sense of empowerment because it backs up our testimonies. Thank you HG and I was wondering Love if your purple lipstick ever arrived πŸ™‚ Thank you.

    Corrections to my post, thank you HG.

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