Contrariwise,’ continued Tweedledee, ‘if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.”

Makes perfect sense to me but I should imagine it will not to you. Welcome to the logic of my world. The penchant that our kind and me exhibit for telling you that black is white and when you eventually agree (and you will no matter how ridiculous this may appear) we will tell you that it was black all along. Or orange. Or azure.

Our ability to deploy contrariwise must rank amongst one of the most confusing, infuriating and draining manipulative techniques that we possess. Well, judging by your reactions when we wheel this out it is. In all honesty, it is used so often it may as well be a default setting. No matter what you say to us we will automatically adopt a contrary position even if that contrary position appears to you as untenable and that it flies in the face of logic. We will always find ways of undermining, denying and deflecting what you are saying to us, most particularly if you are trying to make us look bad, prove we are wrong or you are challenging us in some way. We cannot allow those things to happen. We have a number of standard phrases that we will use in furtherance of this ability.

“Why must you always exaggerate?”

“No, I have never done that.”

“You are over-reacting. Again.”

“I think you will find that you are being sensitive, I did not mean it the way you are interpreting it.”

“You always look at it the wrong way.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Your memory is playing tricks on you.”

“You/he/she/the world is making things up.”

“If you say so but you have got it wrong.”

“I never do that.”

“You always have to make a scene don’t you?”

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Our capacity to be presented with evidence of something and then in the next breath deny the existence of that evidence is staggering. We will reject what you say, deny we ever said anything (even though we actually said it just ten minutes ago) and twist our position so many times we appear to turn into a corkscrew.

Why do we do this? It serves three purposes. The first is because we are never wrong then we must never be shown to be wrong. You seem to have a fascination for trying to demonstrate to us that we are wrong about the things we say and do. That is a nonsense. We cannot be wrong and you must accept that. Our use of contrariwise enables us to ensure that we remain right and you remain wrong. It is entirely logical to us. If it is not so to you then that is your problem. You wanted to come into our world so now you must accept its rules. Do not try and argue that you did not agree to this. When you embraced our illusion you consented to this state of affairs. Do not try and deny that it is the case otherwise we will just have to provide you with some more contrariwise.

The second reason that we do this is that we have to have you in a state of confusion. This means that being a creature of order and logic you will try and make sense of our contrariwise which will merely serve to put your head in a spin. Furthermore, you cannot help yourself but want to show us that we are wrong. You cannot accept that we are unable to see the point that you are making. That is entirely the point. You are subjected to our rules now and logic, reason and sense rode out of town many moons ago. This confusion will leave you susceptible to our other manipulations and drain you of your resistance and resolve making it harder for you to escape our grip.

The third reason is down to our lifeblood, yes fuel. Your evident frustration, curses and desperation as you try to make us see that we are wrong provides us with delicious dollops of fuel. You tear your hair out, repeat yourself, raise your voice and collapse sobbing in frustration. It is all good fuel to us. No matter if you argued the point with the forensic precision of a top barrister we would twist the words so they achieve what we want and not what you want. To borrow from Lewis Carrol’s fantastic writing I leave you with the words of humpty dumpty, who was clearly a pioneer of our kind.

“When I use a word it means just what I choose it to mean.”

13 thoughts on “Contrariwise

  1. Windstorm says:

    Reading the comments made me laugh, they so reminded me of three of my mother’s favorite lines: “I was only teasing – you’re just too sensitive,” “I wish I had a tape recorder so you could hear how you talk to me!” “You’re just not normal, there must be something wrong with you!” It never ceases to amaze me how narcissistic comments and behavior are so similar in our different experiences. HG would say it is bc it is most efficient. My family narcs would say that it is bc this is how strong people act and the rest of us weaklings need to toughen up! God knows that growing up/living with this abuse was not fun or easy, but the more we learn and the more distance we can get from these abusive relationships, the lighter our lives will become and the more we will laugh!

  2. Stephanie Farlow says:

    Ladies ladies…yes we were deceived and manipulated .No this was not our fault. Call it abuse. That is what it is BUT….please now it is time for us all to take responsibility for our own well being.

  3. Matilda says:

    Yes, that annoyed me very much… the lack of accountability, the twisting of words, the attempts at blurring the truth. It enraged me, but I would not have any of it. I knew what he said and did, and I held him accountable every time. It’s a matter of principle.

  4. Stephanie Farlow says:

    Oh yes I just thought of another. He loved to say I was delusional but he would always follow up with ” you don’t just need a psychiatrist ….you need an entire team of psychiatrists working around the clock in Vienna !” I believe this was taken from a Seinfeld episode. Lmao !! I cannot say he wasn’t funny. Glad I can still laugh.

  5. Stephanie Farlow says:

    My favorite one of all. “Listen to the negative way that you speak. That tells me exactly how you think. You make me sick .”

  6. Exhausted says:

    My N is dumber than a box of rocks. I can see where I had to be an exhausting challenge for him. I had never met someone who would make the simplest tasks so difficult. Me, I’m a problem solver and likely the most intelligent victim he had ever entangled. Looking back, I can now understand how I constantly wounded his ego (unintentionally). He had no problem solving skills and always made things harder than they needed to be (like needing a plan to change a light bulb). There was no hope for him to keep up his facasde with me. He couldn’t keep up physically or mentally, and that made the abuse worse. I understand so much more now, that made no sense at the time.

    1. Nancy Sterner says:

      Yes. Mine was exactly the same way. Always twisting words and the truth and reselling the story as he thinks it went with me all to blame. It’s exhausting. And u can never win even when u are right. Can’t even come up even! Can drive u legit insane. Which is what they want

  7. Debbie says:


    Had a lot of this.
    And yes…with the precision of a QC I pulled it apart… I ended up screaming like a banshee.
    Me? Really?
    Oh absolutely.
    I was told I was delusional amongst other things but I regrouped, as they say, and went after this relentlessly as it occurred.

    Whenever I made some headway he used my favorite excuse…the excuse of weak idiots who are losing their footing…i.e:

    ” Can’t you take a joke? Have you no sense of humour? You’ve lost your sense of humour. I was joking, Jeez!”

    It took a great deal of time to realise there was no way through this. I used my late father’s previous advice from another matter:

    “Think of him as drunk and know you cannot reason with a drunk.”

    I am no contact.
    It isnt easy.
    I continue to get hoover attempts of course.
    As we know thanks to HG –
    There is no final discard.

    1. Debbie says:

      I’d like to add that much was said obviously…it is me that walked away.

      I have “escaped” however despite him saying to me:
      “I give up”
      Nothing could be further from the truth.
      He hasn’t.

  8. Stephanie Farlow says:

    I remember this one so well. I would always agree in the end on most anything just to make it stop. There was one fabrication he could not get me to go along with and it was that I was stupid. He would say once in a while that is “you know me better than anyone. ” That is truth. It was so easier when he was making me laugh which was often. We would repeat the same jokes ad nauseum. He certainly had a way with words. Good and definitely bad.

  9. IntelAvatar says:

    I decide the boundary, the entities label, it’s meaning, it’s purpose, it’s duration. May all things become as if objects in consciousness. So we may transcend and get on with it.
    Superempath is super because she has trained up the scale of knowledge. Hung out with your kind. Observed. Took notes.

  10. sarabella says:

    But, #2 and #3 only can work if #1 comes first but this is the crux of the problem:

    “You wanted to come into our world so now you must accept its rules. Do not try and argue that you did not agree to this. When you embraced our illusion you consented to this state of affairs.”

    You wanted US to come in to your world and you did NOT announce it was an illusion ahead of time. In fact, you pretended it was all true and real. So this lie is the core problem of it all. I dare you to walk right up to your current victim and tell her, “Everything I have said to you is a lie, false, fake and has none if has the meaning I know it has for you. I am going to come clean and tell you that everything. The truth. I have been conning you.” Only if and when you do this, could you truthfully say we accepted to come in to your false world. We did not concede to the lie we did not know you were telling.

  11. The Simple Win? Don’t Engage. I know who I am and You know who you are. I should change my name to Afflac, cuz words just roll right off me like water to a duck. 😆

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