The Narcissistic Truths – No 7 (Expanded)

I USEWORDSPURELY TO CONTROL

The words that our kind use are the instruments of our dark profession.

Words are advantageous because they are so easy to say. There is little effort involved in uttering a sudden profane insult or a sentence designed to bring about submission. A barked injunction or a passionate phrase are readily conjured up and sent in your direction. Of course, there are times when the more skilled practitioners amongst our brethren use them to create a stunning tapestry of woven wonder for you to look upon in a lengthy letter. A seemingly heartfelt declaration of love that needs to be requited, an apparent mea culpa, no a mea maxima culpa for our wrongdoings arising from our tortured behaviour or the mercy-seeking begging missive seeking absolution and forgiveness.

Whilst there are of course plenty of actions in the dynamic between you and I, it is the words which are everywhere. From those spoken, to the text messages, the e-mails, the social media announcements, the invitations, the letters written in beautiful copper plate handwriting (always a winner), the one word daubed in paint on the side of your house, the insult scratched into your car’s wing and the bloodied threat daubed on a note and wrapped around a brick hurled through your window. Those words are absolutely everywhere. Easy to use, quick to appear and with them such import and impact on those listening and of course, the empathic individual is invariably an excellent listener who drinks in what we have to say or write.

From weasel words to roaring rhetoric, we deploy phrases and sentences to bring about compliance, to secure sympathy, to tug at your emotions and evoke responses. Instinct allows us to mirror and conjure up those tantalising expressions which go straight to your core, coiling about your heart and either dragging it towards us or tearing it to shreds, dependent on where you happen to be on the narcissistic rollercoaster.

I have repeatedly explained that we prefer to conserve our energy. We do not want to have to do more than is necessary because our energy is required for the purposes of establishing the seduction of our primary source and the maintenance of our fuel lines through our growing fuel network. We do not want to be rushing around doing things, it is far more effective to tell you how we supposedly feel about you, write it in one text message to send to five different recipients to cast the net wider and see what can be caught and to rely on the images created by our words. By conserving this energy, we are able to achieve more. We can target more people, seduce with greater effectiveness and devalue with increased impact.

The Lesser Narcissist is not an especially skilled wordsmith albeit the Upper Lesser will have his or her moments. This lack of delicious prose or flowery compliments does not however hinder his use of words as a method of control. He will channel it in into the use of a pet name (which is seemingly special) and use that with regularity. His based vulgarities which are texted when he is roping in a target are often aimed at those who are operating on a similar language and literary level to him.

Take for example the 419 frauds (also known as advance fee frauds). You will know about those e-mails (usually hailing from Nigeria where the e-mails are contrary to s419 of their criminal code, hence the name) where Crown Prince Umbongo explains how as a trusted advisor or improbable relative you can help him move $ 49 million dollars from an account and he will cut you in for twenty per cent. These e-mails are usually written in pidgin English or a poor version of it which marks the writer out as someone who has English as a second language. That is actually not the case. The writer is invariably someone with an excellent command of English BUT the e-mail is written in a manner which is poor English. This is deliberate. It is done because it is specifically seeking out people who are dim-witted enough to respond and provide cash to the fraudsters.

People often wonder how people fall for these scams, but they do and that is why the fraudsters keep going. Just in the way that we as love frauds specifically target people and use words to do so, the financial frauds (which will include members of our brethren too) ensure the content of these e-mails is such that the most gullible respond in order to maximise the prospects for success. The ploy is deliberate to remove the false positives and leave only those who are the most susceptible.

In the same way, the less proficient use of words by the Lesser means that he will attract those who are more likely to fall for his particular manipulations. It is of little use for the Lesser to attract someone who seems like a useful prospect only for them to prove to be a false positive and break off the seduction. Just like the financial scammers, the Lesser needs to weed out those who are most susceptible to his less articulate overtures and more rudimentary manipulative styles.

The Lesser has fewer problems when it comes to the controlling aspect of his use of words during devaluing. He can hurl the insults with ease, relying on profanities, vulgarity and harsh words to wound and upset his ensnared victim. He can unleash a volley of nastiness from his twisted mouth. His roar of disapproval, the reliance on bellowing and shouting over the actual complexity of this sentences, is entirely effective at cowing, controlling and brow-beating the victims which he will stand the greatest chance of effectiveness delivery of the Prime Aims with.

As for the Mid-Range Narcissist, he has some charm and with the increased cognitive function comes a pleasant and desirable seduction where sweet, caring messages are used. He will spend much of his seduction stealing the phrases and verses of famous authors and poets. He knows where to find these texts and will either plagiarise them wholesale or add his own twist to the existing works. The Mid-Range will control through a sugary sweet seduction and can engage in extensive text campaigns as part of his luring of the victim.

He is also perfectly capable of hurling the insults if really required but the Mid-Ranger’s use of words to control his victims is evidenced most in two ways. Back-handed compliments ( see Seven Back-Handed Provocations ) and Pity Plays. The Mid-Ranger is an expert at the passive aggressive barbed comment and can issue those which have you at first smiling and then reacting as you realise the import of what has just been said to you. The Mid-Ranger’s true proficiency lies in his ability to control you through the use of Pity Plays which he will roll out through his long involved explanations of hardship, misery, difficulty and adversity. Whether he wants money from you, to con you into thinking he will engage in some kind of treatment for his confusing behaviours, to stop you leaving him and removing his main source of fuel or to take him back after you have escaped or he has dis-engaged, the Mid-Ranger knows all the choice speeches to tug at your heart strings. He will present persuasive phrases to convey how truly sorry he is and that his life really is worth nothing without you. Verbose apologies and explanations will clog up your inboxes as he goes overboard about how devastated he is to have treated someone so wonderful as you this way, how he realises that he has done so many wrong things and needs to make amends and of course it is always someone else’s fault/something else’s fault why he did as he did. Notice that these controlling words of the Mid-Ranger sound good and appear to show contrition and remorse but they do not. There is recognition but no ownership.

“I know I upset you when I go missing BUT I just need some time to myself because I am under pressure.”

“I can see why you might get angry when I talk to other women BUT I cannot help it if people like me, can I?”

The Mid-Ranger will use words extensively to seduce but it is in the application of words during devaluation where the Mid-Ranger exhibits particular expertise. Do not think that the mode du jour of the Mid-Ranger, the Silent Treatment, is some kind of aberration for such a prolix individual – he is of course courting somebody else with his sweet sentences whilst you are given a dose of cold fury.

As for the Greater, well, our mouths and tongues are the ultimate weapons. From composing eloquent and seductive proclamations of our love through to the motivating and endearing speeches as to why you and I belong together, the Greater is at the top of the pyramid when it comes to using words to control. Possessing an uncanny knack of knowing exactly the right thing to say and the right time, the Greater can use verbose announcements to awe a target into submission or deploy a short sentence to devastating effect.

Just like his Lesser and Mid-Range counterparts, the Greater can unleash the heated fury of a tirade should he deem it necessary. He does however always prefer to rely on his charm and the associated words with such charm for the purposes of manipulation and control. Whether it is seducing you, seducing someone else to triangulate with you, to manipulate you into feeling that you are the problem, deflecting your suspicions or stopping you leaving through a scintillating Preventative Hoover, the Greater will turn to charm first. Those delicious words, so brilliantly delivered, the evocative sentences and tempting turns of phrase are all deployed in order to ensure that you submit and obey. If charm is in limited supply and is refusing to stretch, then the Greater will use his words to threaten and intimidate. Nobody else is able to convey his imaginative plans for how you will suffer if you do not do what he wants. A few sentences describing what fate awaits you and with no raised voice or bellowed indignation has a most unsettling effect on the victim. The Greater will not opt for Pity Plays, they are beneath him. His words are a source of pride to him and through charm and intimidation he exerts control.

Everything we say is designed to control you. Our words are there to make you fall in love with us, like us, be drawn to us and to be loyal to us. Our sentences seduce. Our words wound. What we say to you must make you do what we want, provide us with fuel, give us your resources, carry out our instructions, obey our commands. Our words, be they spoken or written are not there for your benefit, they are to serve us and ensure that you are brought and remain under our control.

You are excellent listeners but when you are first ensnared by us, you do not hear what we are actually saying to you.

Now you will.

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16 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No 7 (Expanded)”

  1. Vote for the politician who will admit that words garner attention. And as we all know, attention freezes reality. Nice one!

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  2. HG,
    What are your thoughts about using Neuro linguistic programming, either meta models or Milton models to unlock a person’s thought processes and basically hypnotize them with words. Using slight of mouth and word framing to ensnare the victim. It seems a greater would utilize these techniques as they have been quite popular in marketing, sales and negotiation. The victim doesn’t understand that they are being led into a response. I read that people with Anti sociol personality disorders have this as a naturally occurring ability. Any thoughts please?

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  3. After reading your blogs HG, I find myself ruminating over things said and things done. Its just like taking out a pack of cards and playing ‘Snap!’.
    It seems I get your truth here, my memories from there, then they match up perfectly!
    My ears are forever open, thank you.

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      1. XN (part time social worker)and new IPPS uses children to control absolutely everything in the x’s (very successful physician)life. Constant contact, no boundaries, flying monkeys. Bizarre situation…

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  4. “It is beyond love, so much more than love…I NEED you”

    “My life has inherently more value with you by my side”

    “You have just become my everything”

    “I know it is too soon to say this, but I love you. Where have you been hiding all this time?”

    These were the words of the most recent Narc (Mid Range) which I immediately recognized as red flags. In spite of the awareness of what he likely was, I still engaged- his sexual magnetism was irresistible and I had waited long enough! We had a four month entanglement- I knew pretty much all along what I was dealing with, thanks to extensive tutoring by Tudor. The best and worst part of the relationship was my decision and resolve to leave abruptly – while still in the Golden Period before he knew what hit him . My gut had begun to scream and this time, I listened. In the aftermath, I received further validation of the truth of what he was by his phony remorse, promises to change, pity plays…and when those didn’t work…the cold fury. How awesome to see all of it for what it is…manipulation!!! I have battled my empathy for the predicament he finds himself in, resisting any need to rescue or fix…intuitively knowing this is his work, not mine. Healing has been fairly easy this go around-though I sense he scratches his head about how he failed to get me under his control when everything was going along so swimmingly- and I scratch mine about why I danced with the devil, yet again!
    The earliest wound always wanting to resume the dance in the hope of healing both of us but once the soul has awakened, I gratefully discover my preference to sit out the rest of the dance after just a song or two. Overall accepting my character traits will always serve as chum for the swimming sharks in my waters – no need to blame anyone, myself or him. It is knowledge and awareness that serves as a steel barrier in keeping the sharks at bay though I must admit my morbid curiosity costs me a finger or two. Ever so ready to find …and be…a very different dance partner.

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  5. Words are but remnants of moments that fall through your hands, like grasping water in the effort to stop the flow of time. But it’s too late, you missed the moment while crafting those words you forgot how to BE.

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