I Second That Emotion

i-second-that

 

The emotional spectrum afforded to my kind is limited. The bulk of the positive emotions that you experience have either been stripped away or moulded into one all-pervasive sensation and that is of power. Whereas you might experience joy, elation, happiness and delight, we feel power. That surging sensation which courses through us as a consequence of the receipt of fuel, be it positive or negative. Secure a promotion? I feel powerful. My football team wins? I feel powerful. I seduce a new victim? I feel powerful. I experience amusement, indeed, I have an excellent sense of humour but if I make you laugh through my sense of humour I feel a sense of power once again.

I do not feel sadness. I have, for the sake of gathering fuel, sat through numerous films which are described as tear-jerkers and entertained myself as I have alternated between watching the film and the reaction of the person, invariably an intimate partner, as their expression alters to one of compassion, sympathy and then the tears to begin to flow. I have watched the same film yet I feel nothing. I recognise that the scenes played out by the relevant actors are ones which would be labelled as moving, sad and upsetting, but I feel nothing. When I shift my gaze to the sobbing intimate partner besides me, I begin to feel something. I feel contempt for the weakness exhibited by becoming upset. Not only the fact that these tears flow at all but because they have been generated by acting. How readily people fall prey to what is acting, but I am thankful for that, because if they did not, my existence would be far more difficult. I experience a degree of amusement, because someone is moved by something which is not even real. At least when the tears fall because a pet has been run over in the street, or because a relative has exhaled their last breath on this earth, there is a genuine event which causes grief. Yet, it is always in others. You could flash a montage of images, snippets of footage which encapsulate what people would regard as tear-inducing responses, be they grief or joy and I would remain unmoved. It means nothing to me. The capacity to feel sadness, grief, woe and misery have been removed. I knew them once. I can vaguely remember, or at least I think I can remember, being sad. I do not know what the feeling is but I recall the image from the depths of my memory.

I do not know guilt. Remorse is a stranger to me. I feel no regret nor penitence. Compassion has never been available to me. As for empathy, I do not feel that either. I am, because of my heightened abilities and intelligence, able to understand how people must feel. I have spent many years watching and observing the way that people react to certain situations. I understand when happiness is expressed, I know when regret should be exhibited, I recognise when sadness should make an appearance but I do not feel any of them. If I see you in pain, I know I should demonstrate a concerned expression for you and ask how you are. That is the accepted societal expectation. During my seduction of you, I will indeed adopt that mask of concern and compassion in order to con you into thinking that I am a caring and warm person. I can don the mask which places my facial expression in the correct places. I am able to adopt the appropriate tone of voice and place my hands on you in the gentle manner which is associated with expressing concern for somebody yet despite all these learned expressions, words and gestures I feel no concern for you. I do not feel sorry for you, I do not share your pain, I am not worried about you. I know however that if I am to bind you to me and to extract fuel from you, through your expression of thanks and your gratitude for my apparent care of you, I am obligated to place the mask of compassion on. Of course, as such time as your devaluation commences, I see no need for the pretence and indeed my lack of compassion provides its own reward as your pain is increased by my dismissive attitude, refusal to help and contemptuous sneer.

The Lesser of our kind often do not even know what mask should be adopted and during the seduction stage rather than clumsily grope for an appropriate mask, they will prefer to vacate themselves from the situation, conjuring up some excuse as to why they cannot stay and help. The Mid-Range and the Greater of our kind understand that certain responses are preferred by you and therefore the masks will be brought forth and worn, but only in order to achieve what we want. If the situation dictates that our interests are better served without donning a mask, then that is what will happen.

People often make the mistake of assuming that we are totally devoid of emotion. That is wrong. Yes, there are many emotions, as I have explained above, which we do not possess, but we are not empty of all emotion. I know only too well the emotions of hate, malice, frustration, annoyance, irritation, shame, envy, fury and jealousy. Why am I afforded these emotions and not others? In my discussions with the good doctors and my own consideration of these matters it is evident that in my evolution to what I am, it is necessary for me to have these emotions because they are the catalyst for causing me to behave in the way that I do so I will drive forward, that I will be brilliant, charming and seductive, that I will be outrageous, grandiose, belligerent and destructive, because ultimately all of those things must exist in order to compel me to gather the precious fuel.

If I did not become jealous of those in my social circle praising a friend, I would not feel compelled to draw the spotlight of attention on to me by upstaging that person, telling a glorious anecdote or causing a scene. If I was not jealous I would not take those steps and thus I would be denied fuel.

If I was not envious of my neighbour’s new sports car, I would not be driven to throw battery acid over it during the night and then watch from the window his horrified reaction on seeing the damage the next day. Again, I would gain no fuel.

If I felt no hatred towards you for failing me, I would feel no need to keep doling out the various prejudicial and abusive manipulations. Thus you would not be hurt, upset or frightened and I would gain no fuel.

If I felt no malice towards the world and its treatment of me, I would not be compelled to seduce people to provide me with that shield from the world and its outrageous injustices.

It is these negative emotions, the Dark Motivators, which cause me to always be driving forward. The absence of The Hindrances – remorse, guilt, empathy, regret etc. – means that I am not stopped or slowed in my ever onward march. I am not distracted from the sole and necessary task of gathering fuel.

This approach does not mean that my life is less fuel. I am still able to appreciate much that is beautiful, engaging, fascinating and scintillating in this world. I can appreciate the grandeur of centuries old architecture. I can appreciate the magnificence of a musical composition. I can appreciate the athletic prowess of a sprinter to win a gold medal at the Olympics. I can appreciate the taste of excellent cuisine. I can do this because of my higher function above others of my kind who have little or no interest in such spectacular elements of the world. Whereas you will enjoy the piece of music in that moment, I am using the experience of that piece of music to further my aims.

  1. I may tell you how brilliant a song is because I know that you will be pleased with me for telling you this and thus you will smile, appreciate me and give me fuel;
  2. I may use the experience of having heard the philharmonic orchestra play Scheherazade in order to boast about it to other people and draw fuel from their admiring and/or jealous responses;
  3. I may use the experience of knowing all of Depeche Mode’s music to be appealing to a target because she likes that music too, or just to demonstrate that I have a detailed interest in a particular band so that I am of greater interest to her;
  4. I may use the experience of having heard a particular song in concert to trump your tale about having heard a different one played in order to assert my superiority over you and draw a reaction from you and others.

You experience certain emotions when engaging in certain experiences. I experience a sense of power in that moment or if I do not, I store the experience to use it feel powerful when it is allied with something else, usually an appliance.

My kind mimic emotions because we are unable to feel so many of them. Thus we will second the emotions that we have seen you exhibit and make it seem as if we feel them. I know many of your emotions; I do not feel them. We second your emotions because we are reliant on your emotions to exist. It is something of a paradox that we have never cultivated certain emotions and/or we have been stripped of them in order to make us lean, effective and efficient, yet we also must receive those emotions from you in order to sustain us. We do not want to see your joy directed towards us for something we have said and done because we will then feel joy, but rather for the power that is unleashed as a consequence of your joy providing us with positive fuel. I am filled with hatred, jealousy, envy, fury and malice but that does not mean there is no room to accept your hatred towards me, indeed I welcome it. As a consequence of my manipulation of you, I want you to stand there screaming your hatred at me until your voice is hoarse and your eyes stand out from your face. The fuel I gain from such an intense expression of negative emotion is immense. Once again I appropriate your emotion and use it for my own purposes. Whether I take it in order to allow me to mimic and copy it, to make me appear more acceptable to other people or whether I seize your emotion as fuel in order to power me and allow my existence to continue, I will always find a use for your emotional output. I put to good use your emotions. I am the ultimate recycler.

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37 thoughts on “I Second That Emotion”

  1. Morning H.G, I am slowly getting through all this reading material and amazing insight of yours. now and again something hits me into doubting, when I should have no doubt at all that I was raised by a maternal narc. I read about the effects it leaves on adult children and I am textbook. Bit of a co dependent I am sometimes led to believe. Sometimes Then I can question am I a narc too, but that very question should suggest I am not. Forgive me for rambling I’m new. My narc mother has two dogs – obese dogs – killed with kindness! She won’t leave these dogs alone, but she would easily leave my sibling and I alone as children. How can she have emotion for these dogs?, but have every trait of a narcissist? I’m struggling to understand. Does she feel love for these dogs? It would seem a lot of narcs have obese dogs?? Thank you in advance.

    1. I have no interest in animals. The dogs are objects to her also but part of her façade – “She how kind I am, I am an animal lover.” Yet they are obese.

  2. This may be very unpopular but there were many times I was jealous of my ex-narcs ability to have no emotion. To me, it often looked like freedom. No sadness, no sorrow, no depression, no anxiety. I wanted that. Even one hour. Just to feel how he felt all the time.

    1. I understand you, Claudinelonget. There is a power and strength in lack of emotion. And that ruthlessness does allow them to accomplish more and often faster with no worry or regret. There are many jobs where being emotionless is an advantage that we will never have. But even though losing one of your senses (like vision or hearing) will cause your other senses to become more acute, I would never wish one of mine away for this advantage. We can suppress our emotions when necessary. But there is NOTHING, absolutely nothing on earth worth giving up my ability to feel the complete and utter joy and happiness I experience everyday from such commonplace events as seeing colors, hearing birds and feeling the wind. My narcissists will never know this joy and happiness. They may ridicule me for these feelings and believe they are superior for not being burdened by them, but I would never give up feeling the joy, happiness and wonder that constantly brightens my life for their abilities.

    2. I feel exactly like that sometimes. Like it feel it would be almost easier n better not to emotions. No anxiety or depression or guilt or remorse or feeling destroyed when the narc comes down on u. Almost a carefree type life when u look at it in a certain way. No genuine good or happy feelings but no bad ones either.

  3. While I do feel sadness for anyone that does not experience positive emotions . I will have to agree that they do slow you down. I am not saying I would ever want to trade places but I know that when I am feeling negative emotions I am slowed down in performing tasks. I remember clearly my Narc because he knew I was spiritual, would always use spiritual practices as his reasoning for not being emotional. He was ina state true acceptance . The difficult time for me….ahhh when I would say John , do you want ravioli for dinner ?? Always the same response “I am a Buddhist. …I do not want anything. Good Lord !!! I could have killed him !!

    I have come to understand that what is referred to as Fuel or Supply is energy. Positive or negative. It has a charge. If you understand energy then the dynamic makes perfect sense.

  4. When I saw a counsellor a few years ago, she told me that we cry at films and such because we relate to the situations. I, for example, tend to weep copiously at any animal related films (I cried for two weeks when Flower died on Meerkat Manor – don’t even get me started on Eight Below and I can’t even listen to the theme tune of Black Beauty) – she said this was because I saw myself in the same role – not dying, but helpless. Animals represent the part of me that felt helpless and abandoned so these films etc speak to me on a very deep level. This is probably why I feel a great deal more compassion for animals that for humans.

    1. Flickatina,
      Where you been? I missed you. I like the way the shrink put it, identifying with helplessness. Don’t you get that when you meet people too? You sense something relatable in their demeanor. I do. You can sense their moods and feelings from always having to quickly read the abusers mood. I think we become conditioned to pick it up out of fear and trust issues. Especially if those abusers are parents. The narcissist gets that intuition as well but uses it to pick out who is the best fuel source. Anyway, happy to see your words😉

      1. I can usually sense when someone is upset, annoyed etc. Really frustrates me when I know there is something wrong but they just say I’m fine!

  5. H.G.,
    When my ex would start an argument and I would allow him to push my buttons, almost every time he would say: ” look in the mirror, see what your face looks like” and “calm down”. It was eerie and I never quite understood why he always said this-he is a Somatic upper mid range. Also, as he was saying “look at yourself in the mirror-look at your face” he would be calm and serene, always sitting on my leather couch with a pleased look on his face. I spoke to his first wife about this and she said he would say the same thing to her 30 years earlier. Could you tell me what this means?
    Thanks again for writing so explicitly and clearly. Also H.G. do you know when your new books are coming out? I have vowed to read all of them and fear I will do so before the new ones come out 🙂 16 and counting. . . .

  6. HG. Question/s. You speak of the Lesser, Mid Range and Greater. You are an Elite. If (hypothetically), my ex were to write a blog, as you do, where would the difference/s be? With him being a Greater, is there a noticeable gap between the two schools? (G and E). I do believe he would not be as articulate or talented in writing as you are, but is everything you say here about the Greater, the same for you the Elite? And visa-versa. What are the differences if any?
    Hope you understand my question. TIA.

    1. You are confusing cadre and schools.
      Schools – Lesser, Mid-Range and Greater
      Cadre – Victim, Somatic, Cerebral, Elite.

      If you read Sitting Target this will provide you with added insight.

      1. Ahhh ok. Thanks HG. Confused? Me? Yes of course, that makes sense…..
        Its the story of my life. (Come in spinner!)
        Thanks HG.

  7. I see a legal issue here. Victims tagging or using their abuser’s email in the comment section… then the Narcs eventually coming for you to shut down the blog. International law is something I can’t imagine to be your strong suit. So what gives?

    1. Interesting but wrong.
      No narc would come for me or shut down my blog.
      I know sufficient about international law to assist me but my lawyer knows it inside out and so he should at his hourly rate.

  8. You have given us so much information, that it finally sinks in.
    You give us a very powerful weapon, the knowledge we can use to change the trajectory of our lives for the better. Maybe that is not your intention, you just want to be understood, and you are.
    I for one, am grateful for your writing this blog.
    However, you are wrong thinking that you have some kind of an advantage for not feeling our emotions. You are missing the essentially human emotions of a higher spectrum, that evolved only in humans at a later stage of evolution, not more than 100k years ago. It means they are the latest achievements in human evolution that allow us to build a cohesive society and create technological advances.
    Without these ‘social’ emotions, our civilization as is couldn’t exist.
    Without them, you are an animal with human intelligence. You are an animal in human form. Or you could call it a human form predator.

    These negative emotions that you do feel are located in the so called lizard brain. These are the oldest self defense mechanisms that formed first in our brains, and are present to this day.
    The positive emotions we experience, are located in the frontal part of our brain, in a different location. That part of your brain is simply dead. There’s no activity there. It’s not evolutionary progress, it’s a regression.

    I think it is a genetic flaw.

    1. Interesting points although I know I have a clear advantage from not feeling certain emotions. I make decisions with due expedience. I do not hesitate when action is required, if I did I would be dead. I am not plagued by remorse, guilt or grief. They slow you down, confuse and make you vulnerable. I make good decisions based on logical thought, not bad decisions on emotional thinking. I do not care if someone will be hurt (in whatever way) by what I do – I get it done.
      The only lizard part of me is that I enjoy soaking up the sun, but thank you for your observations.

      1. But on the other hand, the empty void inside you, fighting to constantly keep the Creature at bay, the incessant need for adoring attention, those are your vulnerabilities.
        You’re chock full of them too.
        It’s just perspective on who views which ones as more troublesome to have.

      2. They aren’t vulnerabilities. In fact, those needs drive me forward to achieve, they do not leave me paralysed and broken.

      3. A lot of assumptions here!
        I would like to read a study that states that emotions slow one down, confuse, make one vulnerable = weak.
        The positive emotions that evolved in the prefrontal lobe are not as powerful as the primal ones located in the lizard brain (just a name because they are instantaneous, impulse driven, and out of our control).
        Emotions are not what we think they are really, we just call them that. Each “emotion” performs a specific function in our brain.
        If you compare the two sets, the primal ones evolved very early, within a few million years time span, between 4-2 million years ago. The higher emotions as we also call them, are not older than 100-200 k years ago.
        So they are very young, and are still evolving, which means they are not as powerful and present in everyone. Which means that they are not likely to cloud our thinking. We are capable of making fast decisions when we need to, emotions don’t stand in our way in any way.
        Except empathy, and not in all cases. It is the brand new iPhone 10, the newest of all emotions, not much older than 5k in the newest version.
        The advantage you refer to is a short term advantage, that will give you an edge temporarily, but usually at someone else’s expense, and they start adding up, leaving a trail of destruction behind you. Add to that picture a number of narcissists doing the same, and you end up with a broken community, society, nation, planet. Snowball effect. Extinction of species. Is this what you call an advantage?

    2. Emotiondetective – I more or less agree with you, and this idea of narcs being de-evolved is something I’d been thinking about for a while.

      Of course there may be advantages to being a sociopath or narc. But we have evolved emotions and empathy for a reason.

      For a civilisation to flourish, it needs a greater proportion of normals/ empaths. If this was an evolutionary race- that being narcs / sociopaths vs. normals / empaths, if the former won, and wiped out the latter, the human race wouldn’t survive.

      However, that being said, narcs and sociopaths are actually helpful to society. They certainly have a role to play. They make great soldiers; SAS-types. They can be great in business, as long as they are only offering an insight amongst others, and are not actually the CEO or MD; they can be great sports people, if national sporting glory is considered important; they can make great surgeons.

      The key is to utilise their strengths and use them appropriately to the benefit of society.

      1. Just following on from my last comment, if you take the view that there is a genetic component to narcissism (i.e. Not just environmental, how are we to view the fact that the gene(s) responsible haven’t died out?

        More often than not, there is a reproductive advantage to having a vast variety of genes, variations and mutations in the gene pool.

        It’s a silly example, but the fact that some people are ‘night owls’ and some people are ‘morning larks’ is no fluke. The variety is an advantage when members of your tribe must take turns to keep watch for danger. Or remember biology at school, and the Vitamin K mutation in rats that allowed a small number of rats to survive warfarin poisoning.

        Could it not be that we need these emotional mutants in our society, for whatever reason? Having said that, for my own wellbeing, I’d rather not be in any kind of a relationship with HG and his kind.

        Perhaps the advantage of these types was more apparent in times of tribal, clan and house conflict. Perhaps we don’t really need them so much anymore, and their kind is actually a disadvantage to a successfully functioning society. But who knows what is around the corner for the human race? Perhaps we will need their kind again, for our collective survival?

        I’d LOVE to hear a evolutionary biologist / anthropologists view on this.

      2. In an ideal world, where we have identified narcissists, and the knowledge about them is common place, possibly. But then what about the Constitutional rights and civil liberties. And the moral side of it.
        At this point our society is unaware of their existence.
        And when we are, we don’t want to do what the Nazis have done and what Trump is trying to do by ostracizing certain segments of our society.
        It doesn’t also mean that a certain proportion of our population has been created that way with a purpose, that it’s just meant to be., that it’s okay. No, it’s not.
        No, it is an error that needs to be corrected. One narcissist, just one, leaves a trail of destruction that is an enormous burden on our communities. Hitler, Bush, Trump, Stalin. Many more. And each responsible for millions of deaths, or is planning to be responsible.
        What about individual life’s losses. Mine is in a very bad shape right now, demolished by three of them, one primary, two secondary and impacted by a few tertiary others.
        There is no benefit, none, zip zero.

      3. Emotiondetective – a couple of points:

        I think we have to be careful to distinguish sociopathy & psychopathy and narcissism. I have raised this issue before that the word ‘narcissism’ is dominant on this site, yet HG has said he is a narcissistic sociopath. Therefore, we’re reading the thoughts of someone with that more serious condition.

        Secondly, when I’m talking about the so-called benefits, I’m suggesting a collective benefit. That being, being able to utilise their behaviours for the greater good. Or, in times of extreme peril, their lack of fearlessness may actually aid the survival of the human race somehow. I’m talking about a collective benefit, not an individual one.

        I did say at this moment in time, they are not needed so much, and I also said I’d rather not have anything to do with one personally.

        I guess I’m just trying to take a step back and see the bigger picture. However, if there is no genetic or biological element involved in the occurrence of narcissism and / or sociopathy, and these individuals are damaged human beings, then my hypothesis is weak.

      4. I’m also a bit confused by what you’re saying. On the one hand, you’re saying that when society does know that they exist, we can’t ostracise them, we must respect their civil liberties etc.

        But on the other hand, you’re saying they are an ‘error that needs to be corrected’. Is that really respecting their civil liberties and not ostracising them? Is the very act of identifying and correcting them not doing this very thing?

        Please understand, I am in no way defending these people. However, if indeed there is a genetic component, you are never, ever going to be able to eradicate these conditions, or have enough resources to ‘correct’ them.

        Your thoughts, and anyone else’s would be appreciated.

      5. I understand what you are saying and like that you consider neurodiverse; although some individuals could be dual – don’t confuse narcs with Aspies. Just my opinion.

      6. Sunshine,
        It’s a bit confusing the reply system here, for some reason I’m not notified of your replies, and I don’t see a reply button on every comment. I hope you get to see this.
        I’m getting a little bit ahead of myself here with my comments. I have a theory on Complex B that is a bit different than what we think it is. I’ve been doing research for about a year now, and everything points in that direction.
        I can say that it is most likely that it is a genetic disorder, that can be and will be proven by scientists once they are aware of what is going on. I’ve been doing vast research into a few fields of science and they are very helpful, including anthropology, genetics, etc.
        There is also new field that is hopeful to help correct this problem, and that is called gene therapy via gene editing. Soon we will be able to identify the gene sequence responsible for not “printing” emotions of the higher spectrum in human prefrontal lobe. I am just not sure if the therapy will work on adults with the condition or only the embryos.

        I think I’m going to sign off here until I make progress with my research and then make it available for everyone.
        There is hope, i strongly believe we can fix this in the future.

      7. One more observation regarding the differences between narcissists and sociopaths/ psychopaths.
        In the view of it being e genetic disorder, those distinctions do not hold. Indeed, there is no difference. They all have exact same problem- a disfunctional frontal lobe. We make these distinctions based on current knowledge, that somehow this is a character/ personality disorder, or some of us blame the evil spirits. The distinction really doesn’t exist.
        A brave, intelligent guy with means, who thinks he can get away with murder and commits such an act will be labeled a psychopath.
        A shy self doubting introverted professor at a university who would love to be brave enough to murder his boss, but is only able to daydream about it in recess, will be labeled a borderline, perhaps a cerebral narc.
        But in objective view, they are exactly the same. They have the same component missing from their brain. Higher emotions.

      8. Emotiondetective – Wow, your work sounds fascinating! Please don’t leave as you can offer a scientific insight, with rigour, that the rest of us can’t. With your background, your contributions are invaluable.

        I remain sceptical that anything can be done to correct the emotional sparsity of narcissists. I wrote an earlier comment to this effect. However, it’s only a theory.

        It was to the effect that there may be a ‘window’ in which emotions can develop within a child. I gave the example of how if a child doesn’t learn language by a certain age, they will never be able to communicate using grammar, complex sentences etc, even though they may acquire an excellent vocabulary.

        Also, the story of a boy who unnecessarily wore an eye patch for a long period of time in childhood, and lost the use of that eye. So it could be than unless the range of emotions are learnt in that developmental window, they cannot be learnt at a later date.

        I hope that rehash of my post is clear – there’s no chance I’d ever be able to find my original comment again amongst all HG’s posts

    3. I would love for HG to get a brain MRI. He knows what he is and it would be fascinating to see if the front part of his brain is in fact dead.

      Its not a vulnerability to you because you come from wealth. Many of your brethren do not have the money but do have the entitlement. It leads many others to prison, destructive addictions, abandonment and life threatening STDs. Only your wealth, and I am assuming it is alot, has given you this extra edge to stay so many steps ahead of self destruction or vulnerability. imho

    4. They *are* vulnerabilities. Those needs don’t leave you paralysed and broken in the way we get when we’re hurt, true, but they do make you a slave for life. I’d argue that experiencing a Sisphyean struggle on a daily basis for your whole life *is* a form of paralysis too. And not ever being able to experience feelings such as joy and love does leave you broken. Of course, you don’t realize that you’re broken because you don’t know any different, but you’re broken nonetheless. Just look how fascinated you get at observing those emotions in us — you recognize your missing pieces in us and want to drink them up. Your vulnerabilities do drive you forward to achieve, you are quite right, and they are remarkably adept at getting you the supply you need to survive. In the same way our vulnerabilities drive us forward to introspect and grow, and are adept at getting us the intimacy and love we need to survive. The experience we have with you people is absolutely horrendous but our growth and love (for self & others) that comes as a result of it is phenomenal. It wouldn’t be possible without having been created in the way that we have. We are both streamlined and efficient, just for different things.

  9. Of course, IMHO, you cannot “feel” positive emotions…clearly, if you could or did, then you, HG, would likely experience dissonance that might prevent you – might cause you to reconsider the consequences or the affect of your and your kind’s behavior on others.
    Easier to objectify a more distant 3rd person pronoun. Accurate?

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