The Narcissistic Truths – No. 216


31 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 216

  1. Asp Emp says:

    “Mine would say “are you upset? You know I can never tell through text tone” – this made me laugh. Yet, it is true, At the same time, asking me that question is probably not a good idea when it is obvious I am upset (LOL).

    I recall aeons ago, I used to “emphasize” my annoyance during calls and because I cannot use my voice over the machine I facilitate to make calls, it would add to my already “increased” anger ‘level’ ie at the incompetence of an idiot at say, a telecommunications company. During such a call, one operator was typing to me to show that they found my ‘appropriate use of language’ very funny, that did help calm my anger. Alas, too much PC put paid to that.

    I like the image on this article – it made me think of the expression “Two-faced” people. It is probably most likely that people have various ‘faces’. The ones that they “wear” at: home; extended family; work; in public; intimate partner; children; someone else’s home – relating to ie manners; respect; morals; comfortability; business-like and so on. I would be very surprised indeed if someone suggests they only have one face (‘facade’) that they “wear”.

    Having said that, I now, have less ‘facades’ to ‘bear’ and it is freeing.

  2. Maria says:

    discussing deep issues on text???Impossible.. unless we exchange them from books we write.
    Face to face is my motto.

  3. ME says:

    If she’s a female I would recommend sex and the Narcissist … the best I’ve read so far.

  4. amsodone says:

    HG, can you clarify the meme? Thank you

    1. HG Tudor says:

      We are all things to all people, facing both ways at once.

      1. amsodone says:

        thank you HG

  5. Good Morning HG!

    A little off-topic, but I’m wondering which one of your books you would consider the most basic primer. I want to gift a copy to a friend. I’ve read Fury, Fuel, Revenge and Smear, all great books, but a 101 NPD book is what I’m looking for right now.

    Thank you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you for reading. I would suggest Danger! 50 Things You Should Not Do With A Narcissist. There will be considerable familiarity there which will resonate.

  6. Brian says:

    I think I have a good test to see if someone is a narcissist.

    Try to resolve an issue or discuss something by text message. If the matter is able to be resolved by text. You have a good honest person on your hands.

    If the person requests a face-to-face meeting everytime, and asks you to explain everything verbally (even though you have already explained everything by text) then they are just looking for fuel, they have no interest in the matter at hand, they are just trolling!

    1. indiglowsky says:

      Mmmm, text can be very hard to resolve complex stuff. I’m of the era that you call and use text to send quick messages that can’t be misconstrued, like little love nothings and running late or don’t forget the almond milk.

      I do think you have a good test there, though this is what I would add, Brian: see if they can concede in a light hearted debate and not have to win. A greater, like HG, might play this in seduction phase though watch for microexpressions of flash rage, but confeding fizzles quickly, even with a greater.

      Just my test, but I’m in my 40s and not a big texter so the text message thing may work for those that like to communicate a lot via text.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        I like how you put it better..

      2. Joanne says:

        This is a good test I think for frequent texters. Mine would say “are you upset? You know I can never tell through text tone.” Or “if you are ever upset, let’s not text it out, just call me.” They can’t put themselves in our shoes, so it’s true it’s hard for them to text sincerely. They use our tone of voice and body language to fake sincereity. Really creepy behavior.

      3. Snow White says:

        Hi Indy!
        I was not big into texting til I met my ex then it was 24/7.
        And she always said she could be anyone. I saw it firsthand but dismissed it. She took everyone’s phones and sent texts pretending to be them. She did it to me many times but I never called her out on it.

        1. indiglowsky says:

          Wow, I would never dare to do such a thing. Oy. I wonder if she asked questions about herself to find out something. Or used it to spy. Creepy.

    2. SweetFreedom says:

      I agree, Brian! I want everything in email and he says it’d be easier doing face to face.

      Also, I think he does not want proof of what he has said. lol

    3. 1jaded1 says:

      I primarily communicate by text. When I was with N2, it wasn’t a form of communication (yeah I’m old). That being said, some things do need to be vetted f2f. The little things should be able to be resolved by text. What is something that should be resolved by text that wasn’t? m curious. If I’m intruding, i apologize.

    4. Idk Brian. I think that it is harder to communicate by texting. Even here on the blog you miss the nuisances that individualize a person and their intent. Especially if it is sarcastic humor. If a topic for discussion between a couple is that serious, it should be talked about f2f. I’d rather do that than text. I get a better read on a person and it is more personal.

      1. Brian says:

        OK maybe it should be if nothing ever gets resolved…but that’s only something you can tell when it’s too late.

        1. indiglowsky says:

          I think some narcissists do not like to be pinned down to anything, incase they need to bolt or change the truth (gas lighting), thus confirmation in written form is something some will be resistant to do. Not all though. They are as diverse as the rest of us.

          For example, I find you can play many roles in writing and be anyone you wish, thus another mask a narcissist could play as well, like Snow said above. I knew several, when I engaged in online dating, and they were actually fun to ferret out. I didn’t know they were narcissists at the time, but I knew they were pathological liars.

          This is something I just need to say here, as I am sensing people do not understand this full concept of “fuel”, like it is some magical substance of narcissists alone. , We all use fuel. Yes, it is true. Some more than others, sure. Some of the high fuel users include but are not limited to Co-dependents, those with BPD, those with mood disorders, all sorts of Cluster B, and then just normally flawed folks like you and I…we all do, Some just rely on it more than others. Narcissists being a major fuel addict, but not the only ones. It is basically positive reinforcement mixed with emotion. Guard your fuel, indeed, but do not be scared to give drips. It is the lubricant of relationships, though not what we should solely use or feed on. Cut off all lines if you know you have a narcissist, yes. When I find myself in a face to face and I suspect someone is trying to get fuel from me, I go “gray rock” (neutral and no reaction).

          I would also like a definition of “good honest person” LOL Looking in the endangered species lists…..

          1. Brian says:

            Yes we all enjoy fuel, even negative. I think it’s like alcohol. Where you can get obsessed/addicted.
            When I say good person, it all depends if your gut is telling you they are playing you,whether they are making you feel isolated etc.
            I know a couple of good people who I never feel are trying to make me jealous or blanking me.

          2. indiglowsky says:

            I never got a taste for negative fuel, though I do know a few who find it amusing in limited forms. Those that like to wind you up to see you go, or react. I agree, I think good people are less likely to play those games of jealousy (though those with BPD and Codependency do this along with those with NPD as well). Good is hard to define. I see “good” as someone who is loyal, truthful, and reliable that has depth and heart. That takes time and also it takes making relationship risks to know if you have that or not in a friend/relationship. I still believe those risks are worth it.

          3. Brian says:

            yeah I have played pranks on people but nothing serious.
            I am more likely to listen to my gut now instead of believing what someone says about themselves 🙂

  7. Maria says:

    He sees the all the same?

    1. amsodone says:

      What one do you like or would like them to be, is my read. But you raise a good point… I do think “they” see all empaths/appliances the same so I can see your interpretation as well.

  8. 1jaded1 says:

    No one for me. I do get the point of this.

  9. Sometimes it’s like the narcissist is a different person from minute to minute. They can be raging at you and the next thing you know, they walk out the door and smile and chat with the neighbor. Or you might even get a super depressed mopy narc one second and the phone rings and suddenly their voice is cheery with hellos and hey let’s go out and do something. Weird how much the moods switch in the blink of an eye. If you are a child of one, you learn really fast how to adjust and pick up on cues, facial expressions, tone of voice, body language to ascertain if you should engage or hide. Frightening when you are young. There is a value add at assessing people quickly and its great if you can make a living at reading people. Helped my career immensely. Ruined my emotional make up though. No pain, No gain?

    1. Snow White says:

      I agree ABB,
      That’s what I dealt with. Minute by minute. At the end of the day I was always surprised by how often my ex could change.
      I was always asking myself
      “Did I miss something”
      24 hours with a narc is something no one will understand.
      Now I know it had nothing to do with me.

      HG, did I miss the article on 24 hours in a narcs world or are you working on it. I don’t want to miss it.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        It is a book which is in progress SW.

        1. Snow White says:

          Thanks HG!
          That sounds even better.

  10. IntelAvatar says:

    Avoid his 5 spheres of influence.

    1. amsodone says:

      Avoiding 5 is the plan, however It’s that 6th one we cannot avoid.
      83% is covered, but that leaves another 17%.
      I am now completely 100% convinced all will strike/hoover.

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