The Love Triangle



Triangulation is a devastating weapon in our arsenal. Whether we are triangulating you as our primary source with another potential love interest (real or imagined), you with family and friends in terms of loyalties and spending time together or even triangulating you with an object (our mobile ‘phone or our flash new car) you will always be triangulated when you entangle with our kind. Triangulation comes in many guises but has two broad categories. Firstly, there is the triangulation which is taking place but you do not even witness it. This is where we may be conducting an affair behind your back and you have no knowledge of it at all. This is still triangulation because we are involving three people in our intimate relationship but you do not witness it and the third party may not know about you either. The second category is where you witness the behaviour. For instance, we spend more time jabbing our mobile ‘phone and talking on it than spending time with you. We may make mention of a particular person (usually of the opposite sex) a lot of the time. We may even tell you that we have been carrying on with someone else because you do not show us enough admiration and appreciation. In such instances, you witness the triangulating behaviour but often you will not actually realise that it is taking place. This is hiding in plain sight. You dismiss it by trying to convince yourself that there is nothing to be concerned about or we may assuage your fears through our usual charm and persuasion. One thing that you can be assured of however is that you will be triangulated during your entanglement with us and it will not just happen the once.

This reliance on triangulation as part of our manipulations is because it is so effective at achieving many things for us. What then, does triangulation achieve?

–         It is often easy to implement, e.g. making mention of someone, spending our time playing video games, meeting someone frequently, perking up when a certain person calls round or telephones;

–         We gain fuel from two sources out of the same circumstances;

–         It underlines our notion of omnipotence since we are able to orchestrate the actions of two people so they compete with one another over us, we are the puppet master jerking the strings of two love rivals;

–          It creates uncertainty in one or more of the parties which makes it easier for us to exert control and harder for the party or parties to see clearly;

–         It causes the participants to focus on defeating one another in order to win us as the prize and thus they do not realise that we are really the problem;

–         It allows a discarded primary source to be smeared with ease;

–         It assists the maintenance of our façade.

Accordingly, the act of triangulation serves many purposes which accord with our malevolent agenda.

Why then is it so effective? Again, there are several reasons behind this.

–         The addictive quality of our seduction and the golden period is so powerful that it is truly regarded as a prize worth winning;

–         The fear of losing someone so (apparently) wonderful, loving and magnificent is too great to bear;

–         The fear that someone else might actually succeed with the relationship when you are trying to reach that point. You do not want someone to reap the reward of your hard work and instead you want to win the day, continue to deal with the hardships in order to restore the golden period;

–         You feel that you know us far better than the other person;

–         You feel that it is your right. You have given everything to the relationship and therefore it is only just and fair that you get to have the relationship. You may have borne our children, helped us through difficulties, lent us money, housed us, dealt with problems for us and you are damned if some Jane-Come-Lately is going to profit from all your hard work.

These are all valid factors as to why the act of triangulation is so powerful and an effective. Yet, let me provide you with another reason, one which is possibly just as powerful as the addictive quality of the golden period. That reason is conditioning.

You are conditioned to think that love triangles are not only fairly common and something that is part of life, but you have been conditioned to think that they are actually rather wonderful and special. This may seem somewhat perverted thinking when you consider the agony and anxiety you experienced or you are experiencing when you are being triangulated, especially with a love rival, but it is a fact. Why is the love triangle scenario seen as something wonderful?

–         It gives you the opportunity to prove you love us better and deeper than anybody else and with that comes a powerful sense of self and validation;

–         It accords with your belief in the maxim that love can conquer all. You are a love devotee and therefore you believe in and want to see love triumph. When your love sees off a rival, that is the power of true love.

–         The love rival is the enemy. This just isn’t you against her in order to win our hearts, it is light versus darkness, good against evil, love versus lust. You are a representative of the powers of light and goodness and you will overcome your dark nemesis. Of course, what you do not realise at the time is that the person you are fighting over is actually your nemesis and we are not going to remove that notion from you.

–         It is actually pretty damn hot and exciting. Your senses are alive, you are going to keep our heart/win it back, the tug-of-love although worrying at times also provides you with high-octane excitement, the rush of adrenaline when you score a victory, the elation at seeing us choose to spend time with you and not the other person. This back and forth, push and pull, is regarded as thrilling.

Why then are you conditioned to think and feel in the ways that I have described? Simple. You are surrounded by love triangles. They are throughout history, they are in film, in literature, you see them in the celebrity gossip sections of newspapers, they are commented on in internet forums, they feature on the news, you watch them unfold in soap operas on television and you bought the t-shirt supporting Team Jacob or Team Edward. Or was it Peeta or Gale? You cannot get through the day without seeing or hearing about some kind of love triangle and it is always portrayed in a salacious, exciting, mesmerising and romantic way. Who will triumph? How noble to fight over one person’s heart? However much you may not want to admit it, you know that the concept of a love triangle is alluring and fascinating. You do not often hear somebody declare,

“All three people need to take a long look at themselves, stay away from another and evaluate what is really going on before they continue to hurt themselves and others.”

Of course you don’t. Where is the excitement in that?

You have been fed a daily diet of triangulation throughout your life so you actually regard it as something to be expected and something that excites. In order to prove this point, I have compiled, off the top of my head, as many love triangles as I could think of in literature, film and real-life in just five minutes. Consider the following: –



Twelfth Night, Dr Zhivago, Dangerous Liaisons, Tale of Two Cities, Lolita, The Great Gatsby, Atonement, The Talented Mr Ripley, Don Quixote, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Age of Innocence, The Phantom of the Opera, The Twilight Saga, The Hunger Games Trilogy, Harry Potter and my favourite Wuthering Heights




Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, His Girl Friday, The Graduate, Oklahoma! Damage, Titanic, Bridget Jones, Closer, Vanilla Sky, Sabrina, Grifters, She’s The Man (Twelfth Night), Indecent Proposal, Being John Malkovich, Fight Club (imagine being triangulated by an imaginary person created by yourself!)


Real Life


Cleopatra, Mark Antony and Julius Caesar (which actually went further as Mark Antony had two wives already)

Helen of Sparta, Menelaus and Paris of Troy 

Meg Ryan, Dennis Quaid and Russell Crowe

Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky

Liz Taylor, Richard Burton and Eddie Fisher (Taylor and Burton met whilst filming Cleopatra – triangles within triangles!)

Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison and Rubert Sanders (not only did Sanders also have a wife and kids but Stewart seemingly though her fictional triangulation was not enough and wanted a real-life version too!)

I would be interested to know if you think that any of our kind exist in those love triangles and who it is.

I am sure you can think of many others and please do make those suggestions. This is what I came up with in a short time and it does not end there. You are triangulated by products and advertisers – are you an Xbox player or PlayStation, red or brown sauce on your bacon sandwich, Pepsi or Coca-Cola – on it goes. With such a backdrop of triangulation across society, thrust in your face every day you are consequently conditioned in the way that I have described. You have no chance but to be affected in this way. Accordingly, when our kind comes along, the master practitioners of triangulation, you do not stand a chance.

66 thoughts on “The Love Triangle

  1. Ms brown says:

    HG, I know this is an old post. I found it because I wanted to learn more about triangulation… Also I am queuing up Wuthering Heights to watch tonight. You mention it quite frequently in your posts and must have an interest in it for a reason. I am curiously intrigued…

  2. Happily Discarded says:

    I’m not one for pop culture in general, so I’ll stick to one that popped out st me immediately:

    I’d say Hillary Clinton is a greater narc with psychopathic tendencies, Bill is a borderline, and Monica is a lesser/victim narc.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Popeye, Olive Oyl, and Brutus.

  3. Maria says:

    I cannot prove the triangulation, (although i can feel the knocked down effect )
    but i want clear proof..
    so this is the confusion:
    a) is true that he doesn’ t have another intimate female source ( hard to believe)
    b) that would make him a different breed of Narc
    c) he is truangulating but he is such a superb master of deceit and secrecy. ((because 10 years of hoodwinking its a record braking !!!!!).
    HG we might have found an unmatched new breed here, a “supernovo” narc.. ?

  4. E. B. says:

    Real Life:
    Henry VIII (Tudor), Catherine of Aragon and Anne Boleyn.
    HG claims he has nothing to do with it 😉

  5. E. B. says:

    In Dickens’ Bleak House, there is Lady Dedlock. She is Sir Leicester Dedlock’s wife and Nemo/Captain Hawdon’s lover.

  6. E. B. says:

    There’s a song called Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There is indeed and it is rather good.

  7. Lake15 says:

    Oh HG
    What would happen if a primary actually played your game and set you up. Would this anger you at all or just gave you negative fuel? I played his game and actually texted him from a burner number. He says he knew it was me but I KNOW he didn’t.
    The triangulation brings out the crazy (or so he says). His ex wife, my so-called friend he is suddenly “just friends” with. She wont say anything happened other than “it’s between him and I”.

  8. Stephanie Farlow says:

    Amazing how the patterns of behavior are the same.
    My Narc even triangulated me with a girl that was just a friend.
    I want to respo d to the “real or imagined”. This is pertaining to both real incidents when I was asked to leave because well someone else was coming over which I knew was NOT always the case. SOMETIMES. Yes it was just to see my reaction.
    The other point is that there was a woman that he had started to see that was best friends with a bar owner taut he was playing a music venue at.
    So after being humiliated on New Years eve the first night he met her I refused to ever go out and see him play at that place.
    My punishment for not being a good loyal girl. He called me up the next day after playing there and when I went over he bragged about banging her all over the house then putting her to bed and calling up another girl and having her down in the living room.
    Now while this scenario isn’t out of the realm of possibility with him, this was not the case.
    By chance I was good friends with the friend of Barb, the bar girl and she told me they didn’t even have sex that night. That is what she loved about him . She knew he wasn’t using her. I call bullshit. He was and very deliberately with holding sex from her.
    The other said girl was not there. Also he left a paticupar item out of a sexual nature that I know he NEVER would have left out still the next day. It was in fact left out solely for my eyes only.
    Good times indeed !!! NOT

  9. Restored Heart says:


    What makes empaths vulnerable to narcissists is our distorted thinking patterns usually caused from the way we were raised, prior trauma, filtering through fear & unhealed pain. Identify your patterns & seek healing/therapy for them. There is plenty online about distorted thinking patterns, just use reputable sites. Narcissists also have them too & the greaters are aware of them in themselves & us & how to use them against us. That’s how they get us & why their manipulations on us are so effective & devastating.

    I had been single/celibate for 12 years as I had sold my soul to my daughters father who is a lesser mid range victim that I knew was a loser. (I was lonely) He also wasn’t the first one or type I’d had in my life (I think I’d fill a bingo card..) I just didn’t know what they were or why I kept getting caught out. I just knew I couldn’t keep letting it happen. I was then ensnared last year by a greater. An old friend. In my case as a Christian, God used this man to show me why it kept happening to me & healed me. I don’t take it for granted & still work on it daily to maintain it.
    If you are not a believer, most decent psych’s can help with distorted thinking pattern therapy. (It’s what the enlightened psych’s use in narcissistic abuse therapy.) I promise you & every other empath/victim reading this, this is the way.
    Now my eyes are open & heart healed, I cannot wait for the day to meet someone ‘normal’ for the first time in my life. Real & deserved love at last & fully confident NO MORE NARCS!! You can have it Flickatina. We already know we are strong. We have to be proactive not reactive to get in front of them & leave them for dust.

    1. Flickatina says:

      I understand what you are saying but I just don’t see that it’s worth the effort anymore. I have been on my own for over 16 years now – I think I am incapable of being in a relationship now. I just don’t believe the payoff is worth the investment.

      1. Restored Heart says:


        I totally get it. That is where I was. Resigned. But then that’s the irony. It takes no effort on our part. Christ says; ‘come to Me all who are weary & burdened, & I will give you rest.’ Matt. 11:28. All it takes is surrender.
        If you are not a believer, it is still worth the effort as otherwise all you are doing is existing & not living & the oppressors win. You are worthy of more. We all are.

      2. abrokenwing says:

        I totally agree with you Flickatina.

    2. amsodone says:

      Celibate for how long, Restored Heart!!!!
      I do think the Lord would have us work through our dysfunction before we inflict it on anyone. I cognitively get why I was attracted to the narc and why he ‘chose’ me. I have abandonment issues (silent treatment was truly tortuous), and I had desperate need to be validated by him. In turn, he needed someone to displace his rage (passive aggressive) on, as his childhood, and specifically his mother, was horrid.
      I hope it doesn’t take 12 years for my heart to heal although I am not looking for anyone; I recognize I am way too vulnerable. I pressed him for commitment, knowing damn well he couldn’t, because I didn’t have the strength to end it.
      I am thankful for HG’s wisdom. I am happy for you that you worked through your trauma, your heart is restored and you are healthy. I wish you the best. thanks for your post

      1. Restored Heart says:


        TY for your well wishes. They are appreciated. I am sorry for your own situation. It is not how it is meant to be.
        The celibacy was tough but it was seeking love & validation in this manner that kept getting me into trouble & further added to my feelings of worthlessness for allowing myself to be used like this.
        God healed my heart 17 years ago when my children died but I strayed off back to what was familiar & it crushed me. God never stopped persuing me, it was me that was resigned & numb. His last attempt was 3 weeks before the Greater but I would not face what I needed to so He gave me the full horror ‘cos that’s what it took to get through to me & stop me creating another little empath in my daughter.
        Being led to this site, reading HG’s work & venting here gave me understanding of what I was dealing with & why which triggered the healing which happened over Jan/Feb. My gratitude to HG is inexpressible as well as the generosity of those who participate here. My love for the Greater, immeasurable.
        I do whatever I can to spread the word.

        1. amsodone says:

          Amen. Thank you RH for your support as well. take care

  10. Flickatina says:

    I have come to the conclusion that, in order to ensure safety from your kind HG, that one should remain single forever.

    Knowing all that I do now, (and I sometimes wonder if ignorance is, indeed, bliss), how am I supposed to trust any man? I will always wonder when the narc will come out, I could never trust a word he says and would ultimately destroy any relationship myself.

    No point in going through that – easier to be on my own and be safe.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      An understandable response Flickatina but by allowing time to occur when engaging with somebody and now knowing what the red flags are and ways of flushing our kind our if you have suspicions you are in a far better position to identify our kind and evade, thus enabling you to find those people who are not of our kind.

      1. bananasareberries1 says:

        Yes, HG, we all should take it SLOW with new partners…Do not fall in love with illusions. Maybe this “slow’ approach and excessive ‘testing’ and lack of trust kills the romance but ultimately gives you a partner that is worth the waiting. ‘The one’ that will love, respect and protect you. There are superb men and women out there. I have a spouse who is just the best; I tested him for eight years before saying ‘yes’ -that may be too excessive for some :).

      2. Maria says:

        Find people that are not your kind
        HG ?
        i have the feeling that this new generation are almost entirely your kind.. even worse… or better.?? . depends how is viewed..

    2. ava101 says:

      Flickatina I felt the same way, but it is indeed ss HG says: I have tested my abilities to detect narcs and I can also now identify empaths easily. You can also test that and watch. You would also in future kick them out immediately.

    3. amsodone says:

      I also feel somewhat cynical. Awareness.

  11. acushla1977 says:

    Wow!!! Sidney Carton was definitely a super empath. I would never have thought that Lucie was a narcissist, but … of course!! The perfect narcissistic saint. Very rare in the developed world, after women’s emancipation. But history is full of examples. As is the third world. And also the Islamic world, I bet.

  12. Diane says:

    No no no not Wuthering Heights! Wuthering Heights is abuser propaganda. Wuthering Heights gets you into this mess.

    There is no Heathcliff, only Peter Quint. Scratch Brontë and add Henry James.

  13. Snow White says:

    I hate triangulation!!!!
    Thanks for teaching me so much about this subject.
    My gut feeling kept getting worse about what my ex had in store for myself and her girlfriend and I can only imagine now what was planned when she had us both under one roof.
    Makes my stomach sick thinking about it because she had two women who would have done anything for her and she was just playing games.

  14. 1jaded1 says:

    If was so much better, I always invited either to go back. FTS.

    1. narrow escape says:

      In retrospect, a good part of the off feeling in our short lived allience is owed to triangulation. His best friend of 10 years who is oh-so-capable in the kitchen and they share the same brain, his ex wife ( maybe not even ex) who was daily in his flat ( bc of the kids!), an 18-year old girl at the gym who was coming on to him, a successful woman from his sports club who he nobly regected as he knew she wanted kids… even a downright ugly actress… I laughed it all off as I thought: poor guy vents his insecurity, with time he will learn that he has no reason for any around me. Maybe that’s how I didn’t really give him a green light to proceed and really bug me. But had he done it… I, as usual, was one foot on the other side of the door. My dad taught me a valuable lesson years ago. He said: if an egg has an offish smell… you don’ t have to eat it… leave it and go on, you will not go hungry… Thank you, daddy!

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        I like how your dad thinks. Mine straight up told me N2 was a narcissist. I should have believed him bc by that time the situation was really smelly.

  15. Dee Hebert says:

    Three I liked were Onegin, Match Point and Legends of the Fall.

    I was triangulated in my marriage to the point of his beard being shaved off because she liked it better. Never mind I had asked for that as well and was told no.

    On Mar 14, 2017 5:01 PM, “Knowing the Narcissist” wrote:

    > HG Tudor posted: ” Triangulation is a devastating weapon in our arsenal. > Whether we are triangulating you as our primary source with another > potential love interest (real or imagined), you with family and friends in > terms of loyalties and spending time together or even ” >

  16. amsodone says:

    Well triangles are “all pretty damn hot and exciting”. That is why we study trigonometry, right? So pathetically true, we have been conditioned through positive and negative reinforcement.

    I was heavily triangulated, and knew I was being triangulated as well. Thought it was a bit odd, but hey – I am not one of those needly or clingy bitches. What the heck (not heck), I did not realize this was the narc M.O. Conditioned, pathetic.
    And now, it is all about the circle, and Happy Pi day HG, and to all.

    1. amsodone says:

      ok… oops.. just realized, in the US, the time zone is different; it is still 3.14 (Pi)

  17. Scout says:

    Thrilling? I felt humiliated on the day my narc’s new supply rang his phone and he tried to hide it (and he had more than one supply on the go). I walked out on him that day. Haven’t seen him since but his smear campaign is now in full flow… Yes, the ultimate weapon I wasn’t prepared to tolerate.

  18. Matilda says:

    Love that has to be earned is not love!! I do not fight if triangulated, I shut down. There would be no triumph in ‘securing’ such love. It would be testament to your lack of self-worth if you allowed him to humiliate you in such a manner. So, if he taunts you with a love rival, let them have each other, and good riddance.

    1. bananasareberries1 says:

      Hi Matilda, yes my point exactly. Triangulation is one way for a narc to humiliate. I would never fight for a guy who puts me in such position, anybody with self-respect would just withdraw instead. I understand that for narcs the successful triangulation with lovers builds up their egos, but to me, this is an utterly pathetic attempt. I laugh, and I walk away, no I am not attracted to the male whores. Sorry HG for being brutally honest.

      1. Matilda says:

        Hi bananasareberries1,

        I cried, and when there were no more tears, I walked away.

        For some time after, I felt like this, and he knew it:


        That’s why his first few hoovers were successful… then, I learned how to let go… he still thinks he can rekindle what once was. Wrong. I am done for good.

      2. sarabella says:

        Interesting you call them male whores. Cause that is what he ‘lamented’ once. I don’t know what is going on, maybe it’s my age, but people are ‘trusting’ me… and all these people wanting to come and “eff”…. and of course I don’t care for any of them and I have turned in to a male whore.

      3. Maria says:

        i know the feeling of disgust too well, but as i said above for me at the moment it is worth fighting for, and perhaps in some cases we could be the winners,
        because when i love, i really do…

        1. bananasareberries1 says:

          Maria, to me, this is not loving. Nobody should be put in a position to fight for somebody’s love. Also, narcs do love only themselves. I reject a thought of being in any close relationship with this kind. I was once, I burned myself, never again.

    2. I react to this kind of dynamic in the exact same way. I shut down. There is just something extremely off-putting about a person who deliberately keeps you vying for their attention by introducing third parties. Unfortunately for the narc, I happened to believe I was a bigger deal than he was, so his triangulation tactics didn’t work out too well for him. Not surprising, he was/is quite unsophisticated in the narc game.

      1. Matilda says:

        Good for you, that you did not go along with it. He shot himself in the foot there! 🙂

        This refusal to jump through hoops is something that has been with me for as long as I can remember… with first memories of kindergarten cliques, and wannabe commanders-in-chief I simply would not submit to. I had a hard time taking orders from adults, I certainly would not take them from a five-year-old idiot! 😀 … we really need to teach children about narcissism from nursery onward…

  19. Maria says:


  20. IntelAvatar says:

    Some less obvious triangles:
    the trinity.
    The triune brain.
    3 rd person perspective.
    The rational.
    The reporter.
    The observer.
    The guardian.
    The spotlight.
    The highlight.
    The outer limit.
    The secret.
    Standard operating procedure.
    I’m sure there’s more…

  21. bananasareberries1 says:

    HG, you again assume we are all that stupid and naive. My narc tried to triangulate me with others, and he failed. He wanted to make me jealous and what he got is that I pointed out all his lies and manipulations and hidden life instead and I went NC. He was not intelligent enough to see that coming-I turned a table on him.I would never fight for a guy who triangulated me with anybody, LOL. I am a Queen and deserve a King, not a pimp! I am sure that except co-dependents, people do not fight to have narcissist back when triangulated with new lovers. Triangulation is such a blatant manipulation and so highly unsophisticated!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Naturally not everybody will succumb to triangulation but most do because they do not see it for what it is and their own needs and agendas cause them to be susceptible to it. The additional comments concerning this article are testament to just how people are caught by this form of manipulation.

      1. Maria says:


        However i still hang on to the illusion that my ” conquering” hopes and endevours will ” free” the Narc from those whores..
        of course i am the Princess and i cannot stoop down to such vile triangulation ..
        i hope to interfere from a different
        even illusions many times work out concrete changes..
        if we wouldn’ t never try to actualize our dreams ( illusions) nothing would ever be alive..

      2. sarabella says:

        I was caught and god, he used the lowest of lowest approaches to triangulating me. Well, it did feel good to smear his face in it not long ago. He needs something and there was a time, had he not been such a SOB, he would have easily gotten it from me. Instead, I got to tell him, how my heart was always in the right place, but for the wrong person and its good he has all those other triangle points to go to for what he needs right now, as I am sure they would just love to provide it to him right now. Knowing full well that of the names I rattled off, maybe only 2 of the 10 would be financially capable of helping him and doubtful either has the motivation (foolishness like me). Think that is why he blocked me? lol That sharp pain in my chest was the constant clue that it was coming up. I just didn’t have the word for the mechanism before I had the name.

    2. Maria says:


      For me is worth putting up with triangulation for awhile, while trying to tackle it from a different “angle” trying to win the Narc away from the web of triangulation (which he has pityfully caught himself)… in other words:
      it takes a strong willed woman with a strong belief in winning..
      I feel is a cause worth fighting for.
      Its a greater love as well.
      And when i love, i really do.

  22. no comment

  23. Unless I get to triangulate too, peace out!

    Btw, Cleo, Marc & Julius…Beware the Ides of March…that’s tomorrow…
    HG You going to triangulate in their honor? Course we know that part of the triangle fell off that day.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      But it then led to the Second Triumvirate (Lepidus, Octavian and Antony) and thus another triangle formed which evidences the eternal nature of this form of manipulation.

      1. Antony is the culprit. Stay away from anyone named Antony…got it.
        *HG shakes head and says Stupid Sheep under his breath*

  24. ME says:

    Real life is full of them!
    You forgot the most commented real life triangle : J. Aniston/Brangelina… I think someone wrote a book and all! Bizarre how people love to know about other people’s private life.

    In literature/ movies: Lestat, Louis and Claudia (confessions/interview of/with a vampire), also Vlad Tepes/ Mina/ Jonathan Harker (Dracula)

    Lancelot/ Guinevere/ King Arthur

    And obviously Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn and poor queen Catherine. At least she kept her head.

    1. ava101 says:

      And the best documented one in erotic terms:
      Anaïs Nin, Henry Miller & June Miller 🙂

      “I awoke at dawn, thrown up on a rock. The skeleton of a ship choked in its own sails.”

      “In my childhood diary I wrote: “I have decided that it is better not to love anyone, because when you love people, then you have to be separated from them, and that hurts too much.”
      (Anaïs Nin)

  25. Ah yes. How lovely it feels to be compared to someone else. My triangulation was with his secretary. “She’s so beautiful” “she runs for an hour everyday…you should do that” “she’s so sweet” “I can’t have her serving subpoenas for the office…she’s too beautiful” “look at her Facebook page…she’s beautiful”. Well, folks, she’s not. I’ve sunk so low as to even ask complete strangers if she’s pretty. I have no shame. I show them her pictures then and there. She’s not even cute. BUT in my mind he has built her up so much that she could literally have horse manure smeared thick across her face and I’d think she looked like a super model. Triangulation is THE ultimate weapon in destroying someone’s self esteem.

    1. amsodone says:

      No, she is not beautiful or sweet
      “Buzz, your girlfriend, woof”

    2. SweetFreedom says:

      Had to think about this one. My narc has triangulated me with his favorite hooker. Yes, a prostitute of all things. “She has firm, youthful breasts”, “she has a gorgeous face”, “she has such muscular legs”, “oh, her tongue ring…”. There I was at 48 years old asking how much it’d cost to have my tongue pierced!!! Because she prostitutes on a well know U.S internet prostitution site, I was able to see her pictures…many with barely any clothes on. She is 22 but looks much older (mid to late 30’s…prostitution ages women), droopy boobs, cellulite on her thighs and butt and most pictures, her tongue is hanging out like a dog that is overheated and panting. lol Looking at her pictures, I am actually saddened by how old she looks already and cannot even imagine how aged she will look when she hits 48.

      I am guilty as well….he built her up so much that my self-esteem rotted into almost nothing.

      He is an evil man. I also think it says a lot about him that he has to pay for sex and pays for her friendship as well. Nobody else wants to be around him anymore.

      1. Maria says:

        i need to say it in my native ( Italian) language about that :
        Che schifezza putrida.

        1. Hilarious Maria! I had to use Google Translator to figure it out. You are right on though!

      2. SweetFreedom says:


        I had to look that up on Google translator—I agree with you!

      3. sarabella says:

        Its amazing to see how far they let their narcissism take them. My narc had he played his cards right (thank GOD) he didn’t, would have done well for himself in many ways. But noooooo… 53 year old really cannot see who he is in the mirror anymore. And those young women he gets? Sure, there is the fuel/high of the chase but they ALL leave him in the end because who wants an aging Narc with no morals, values, money, body, class, integrity, honesty and is plain psychotic from a life of destroying his own head with his own lies? It is fascinating how they manage to do this to people who are good people who cared. mind boggling.

      4. SweetFreedom says:

        So true Sarabella! I have contemplated the younger woman thing—I have questioned if it has to due with a fear of death. My narc is 57. Although I am almost 10 years younger, I still am not “young enough” now…the 20-somethings have a full life ahead of them…I think it may keep him from thinking about his own mortality. Unless my narc dies before it happens, one day he will probably need diaper changes. He will need help walking. He will need help eating. He might need drool wiped from his mouth. None of these women are going to stick around and do that for him.

        My narc, despite his nasty comments about my body and comparing my 48 year old body to that of a 22 year old—he has gained 70-75 pounds since we married. He is almost totally bald now and what hair he does have, it is white. He has an abundance of wrinkles. He has varicose veins. His once muscular thighs and calves are now soft and jiggly. He huffs and puffs at physical activity. His hearing is so bad, his cell phone is turned up as far as it will go—which allows others to hear everything the other caller is saying. He is now wearing tri-focal glasses. He is far from a perfect specimen but he chases that in a woman. A much younger woman. The only thing that has gone up is his income and that is because he gets raises every year—which makes it possible for him to purchase these prostitutes. These girls do not want him—in fact, he probably disgusts them. They just want the cold, hard cash.

        In the end, he will be alone…probably die alone. I think he knows this but still is trying to outrun the inevitable.

    3. Exhausted says:

      I agree. But honestly, didn’t know about the true narc disorder. So, I thought his never leaving ex was the problem. I lost so much because of the narc, but I will trust and love again. I know I won. I’m nearly 2 mo nc but he has started to Hoover again. Just burry my head and look the opposite direction. I have my money, sanity, looks, and a life. Still have property damage from time to time, but I am going to be free of this BS someday

  26. Mary says:

    Mr.HG I Have a problem w/this *triangulation…. In my case I was left for a woman w/chronic HEP C, unable to be around her kids, pregnant w/ another (not a possibility of being my XN’s, no home, no $ & a well known tramp! So why would they think I would feel intimidated/unworthy etc ??? I’m disgusted but “hey UK It Is what it is”! BUT I would enjoy your take on this

    1. HG Tudor says:

      See the article Have You Seen Who He Is With?

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A Terrible Trio