What causes the narcissist to use Facebook so much? Firstly, it is the online success story of recent times. Originating in 2004 it has seen off its rivals, such as Bebo and Myspace and has dominated the market. Over a billion people have Facebook profiles. That is a lot of potential targets for us. Secondly, it provides us with an extensive net to cast through whichever device we happen to have to hand. It is accessible and effective. Thirdly, the presentation of information on Facebook in particular tells our kind plenty of things which allow us to ascertain whether there is a viable target in our sights.
I am not referring to this in terms of the class traits that we look for, for instance, a somatic narcissist would seek out those who post plenty of pictures of how physically attractive they are, their ongoing diet and exercise regime, which would of course appeal to the somatic. Instead, I am going to highlight for you a number of instances on Facebook which tell our kind that this is a person who has a higher susceptibility to being seduced. Thus, if we then determine thereafter that this person has the relevant empathic, class and hopefully special traits then we know that a play should be made to ensnare them.
Accordingly, what is it that you might post on Facebook that signal to my kind that you are susceptible to being seduced and drawn into our false reality?
- You include a detailed list of your favourite books, television programmes and films
I do not mean three or four of your favourites but fifteen or more in one or more of the above categories. This signals to us that you have not only time to watch and detail these books and movies, but you are content for people to know that you do. This tells us that you are lonely and therefore apt for some attention.
- You detail your relationship status
It does not matter what the status reads incidentally because even if you stated that you are married, engaged or in a relationship, we do not recognise any such boundary as being a hindrance to our advances. Indeed, we take the view that you are probably short of attention in that relationship. By declaring what your relationship status is, you are wanting to initiate contact and you are providing us with material to do so. If you do not feel the need to tell anybody your relationship status, that signals to us that you have sufficient self-esteem not to need to herald it and therefore you are probably harder to ensnare.
- Ask me, ask me ask me
You know those statuses which read
‘So angry right now’, ‘I am fuming’ or ‘Totally heartbroken’
Such statuses are just a fishing hook for nosey and supposedly supportive friends, who are actually far more interested in showing concern and mock horror through some bad acting, to then as the writer what is ‘up’, what has happened and what is going on? The mysterious injunction will then be issued for the apparently caring friend to ‘inbox me’ or ‘I will inbox you’ as yet another noun suddenly finds that it has become a verb.
These attention seekers are also avoided by our kind. They are unlikely to be of our brethren but they are certainly self-centred and not going to provide us with what we need. Thus they go down as an avoid.
- I miss you
Anybody who posts about missing a relative or partner who has passed away, either directly by stating ‘I miss you Dad, you were my best friend’ or posts memes appertaining to people watching down from above. This lingering grief acts a beacon to us and tells us this person is susceptible to being ensnared far more readily because of their ongoing emotional state and their propensity to become emotional if the matter of the deceased individual is raised.
- Frequent comment about events
You are interested in the world and other people. You are not there to keep showing us what you had to eat for dinner or your latest car. You give attention and do not get much in return. This tells us that you will be highly amenable to receiving our attention.
- More pictures of animals than people
This is not so much about you being an animal-lover, which of course tells us that you have empathic traits, but is more about the fact that once again you are a giver of attention to this lower life form and you tend to get your attention back from the animal rather than people. It might be that you would rather keep the company of animals than people, although this is rarer than someone who likes animals and for once would enjoy the attention of another person, namely us.
- Frequent comments about your achievements and what you have been doing
You may not be one of us but you are certainly exhibiting narcissistic traits and therefore caution will be exercised before we proceed. These may be healthy narcissistic traits and we unearth additional information about you which encourages out targeting of you, but seeing this turns on an amber light.
- Sharing charity appeals
Yet another indicator that you are more about giving time and attention to others as opposed to receiving it. A most encouraging item to see on someone’s wall.
- Pictures of family and friends. Few selfies.
It may be the case that everything in your photo album is animal-based and see the point above. If there are pictures of people as well, we like to ascertain who these people are. If they are family and friends, rather than random people from nights out, this again provides us with a positive indicator. If your photo album is you and nothing else then another amber light will come on.
- You profile picture is a scene, an object but not you
This suggests again that your self-esteem is not what it might be, that you are not keen to be the centre of attention and as a consequence this acts as a beacon to our kind. It may also of course mean that you are unfortunately-faced, although is not always a concern if it is Cerebral or Victim Narcissist scouring your profile.
- Children are the future
A few proud parent pictures actually prove encouraging. The existence of children provides additional fuel sources and evidence that you are a caring and giving person, something which we like to see. If, however your timeline and photo album are plastered with your offspring then this puts us off. You might think that someone who is busy with a child or children would be in need of attention. They are not. They get plenty from their children and more to the point this tells us that your own attention will be on someone else and not us, therefore our efforts are more than likely to be wasted.
- You don’t get many likes or comments
Whatever you happen to post may be interesting, amusing and thoughtful but you rarely get many comments or likes as we scroll through your timeline. There is an attention deficit waiting to be filled.
- Posts about your romantic partner
If you are always talking about your romantic partner, how much you love them, how much you miss them and such like, you are going overboard and this to us is a further indicator of low self-esteem which we can readily exploit. This gets even better if we see no evidence of reciprocation. We can ready the Love Bombers.
If you post poetry, whether your own or somebody else’s, this tell us that you are lonely and therefore you will be most susceptible to our attention.
- Membership of support groups
Naturally this will tell us that you are likely to be empathic and/or have special traits which is most encouraging, but at this early stage we regard the evidence of this on your Facebook wall that you are again providing attention to others which means there is likely to be a deficit which we can exploit with regards to you.
The more of these indicators we see, naturally the more encouraging it is which tells us that you will be susceptible to an approach by us and our charm. Other indicators cause us to exercise caution and may well result in us moving onto a different target if these warning signs are not heavily offset by positive indicators. The friend request and/or message will be readied in anticipation of making a move.
98 thoughts on “Facebook Predator”
This is where I met my (now ex) narcissist. He told me he watched me around the news network site I would comment on and then followed me to several political discussion sites before commenting behind me and then sending me a request. He had weeks to study me and all my beliefs. It also helped we lived two states away. He was able to live a double life telling me he and his wife were splitting while begging her to be able to stay. He treated her far worse though.
I read in another post you have a pug, I saved one I saw in a cage at a garage sale of all places. Driving by and saw this poor pitiful baby had to stop and inquire. Didn’t take me long to access the situation and in a few minutes I was the owner of a very abused dog in need of attention. Full grown 7lbs, never seen the inside of a home, terrified of men and oh god smelt horrible. After 8 baths outside I was able to finally bring her inside. Long story a month and half later I was the proud owner of 10 pug puppies. She became the best dog I have ever owned never had to put her on a leash or fence her in the yard.
Mr. Tudor, you have a pug??? I didn’t take you for a lap-dog kind of person. Or any kind of animal actually. Not even a fish. I’m sure you’d be easily angered by Nemo’s selfish needs and demands.
Somehow I don’t see you, going about your machinations with Toto in tow. Is this Kim’s dog?
I was speaking to AH OH,
And her post.
Lol good to know Twilight 😀
Can you see HG with a pug? lol I can’t
HG do you allow your primary source to be a friend on Facebook?
A friend to me?
What I am trying to decipher is why the narc I know does not have his primary source as a friend on Facebook. Bizzare
Wants to keep FB alive for further machinations in the future away from her.
I cannot comprehend this at all. Is she so worn down that she just accepts he is not a fb friend with her. Or is he in control of her fb? We identifind he is a lesser. Thanks
Most likely he exerts control.
HG currently reading your book and you said that victims never identify that they are ensnared with a narc alone. I am not so sure that is correct because I met the narc in month of April and in may/June I suspected he was a narc even although I knew nothing about your kind. I was googling about all the oddities regarding him and bam! Monsieur Narc. I must be clever like he called me as there was nobody else involved. Your thoughts? Just sharing my info as an ex codependent.
A rare and early example.
Maybe that’s why I did not get to experience the real devaluation. I knew something not right but wanted to give benefit of doubt. I intend to use this learning experience within my employment for information purposes as I understand each individual has a choice albeit they don’t know that. In he’ll when they are caught by your kind and taken to the depths where one should never have to visit. I know you say your beast is locked away but what if you really let it out and faced the disorder you have, I know you talk about this would cause havoc but surely the beast is in your mind. It’s very hard for me to comprehend. Help please.
Sorry HG this is for SVR
March 24, 2017 at 3:33 pm
I cannot comprehend this at all. Is she so worn down that she just accepts he is not a fb friend with her. Or is he in control of her fb? We identifind he is a lesser. Thanks’ ”
Hi SVR ,
I was in the same position as your friend . Initially I didn’t have a FB account. When I did finally get one he would constantly unfriend me /block me /restrict me, & cause arguments to justify it. I couldn’t see his photo’s or anything that wasn’t posted public. His status was always single despite the years we’d been together. I despised the amount of time he posted on it when but it made no difference despite me begging him to stop .
HG said ” Wants to keep FB alive for further machinations in the future away from her.” Yup . While he was triangulating & smearing me to anyone who would listen he was securing his new target on there. His final Fb pièce de résistance was to announce my discard on the very same post as he announced his new relationship .
Hope this explains some of your question 🙂
Reblogged this on Loves Illusion…… and commented:
Intersting read indeed!!
Loved the hot crazy matrix.
I am a UNICORN.
You are very sick individual. VERY SICK. I feel sorry for You. I am glad I do not have the urge to interact here anymore nor ti read Your sweats… HG would never waste His time on You. Not even a devaluation.
I am sure HG is with “you wonder every day where I went.” a.k.a. Claudia
Do you know what is sick> A picture of a young man with two long kitchen knives at the throat of your cat. Yes, I saw it on your blog. Sick POS. Take your meds and stop posting ridiculous BS.
What is new my NA? How have you been?
Keeping busy with the day job and still chipping away at the other house. Its so nice im not going to want to sell it (so I might not). Then there are my studies here. Dont know if its the weather or what, but theres a lot of short fuse and little humor lately. Some days with all the drama I catch myself thinking maybe fuel is not the only reason Narcs invoke silent treatments lol. Trip coming up for you? Youre usually on the move. Im trying to book a trip to Vegas with a friend but the plans are not meshing so far. Thats one of the reasons I prefer to travel alone.
I will be going to Galapagos with my friend Marla on the 31st of May for ten days. I am excited and we travel together. I also talked about Iceland with s woman I know. I do not think I will be traveling to Europe this year due to the political landscape. I am not one for mass immigration from cultures that do not assimilate.
Are you referring to the blog for pissy people? I fucking call them out. I can’t stand frauds. Besides I really want to beat the hell out of someone so I get some relief here. I do have my favs and few are growing on me. You are one of my favs! Entertainment is one I clashed with at first but find her interesting so I am liking her. ABB flirts with HG so I bust her chops and she tolerates me.
Our lord and master will not let us know each other so I can never meet you if you make it here. This is unfortunate. I do like our blog host but at times he welds to much control. He is a fucker too!
Oh yes! It is my day to fucking cuss and it feels good! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!
Im referring to several threads on the blog . At times it appears were lacking the chaos the Narcs provided and getting a little froggy with each other. People can go ahead and swing away on me if they want. Im teflon-nothing sticks. Those fucks you gave? I know they werent for me but they slid right off me all the same lol. Well Im off to secure the “sleep of the just” our host refers to. It really is exhausting being this fabulous. Sleep well my froggy friend. Lol.
Love feeling froggy, and I will jump.
Heck no, the fucks are a share cause I care. Not at you, but for you. You are welcomed to use as you please.
I will meet you back here in the morning. XX
Also my dear NA, I have has some personal issues and I have consulted with the professional but nonetheless it still takes its toll. So yesterday was the worst.
“Share cause I care” made me laugh. As those fucks were gifts I will be sure to spend them wisely.
Re: Personal issues
You are usually very direct and its not like you to hold onto an issue and have it affect you in this way. I have to assume that means the outcome is dependent on someone else, which sucks. Hopefully it gets resolved soon as stress is bad for the hair and skin and you want to look fabulous on vacation! I have very deep what I call “WTF lines” between my eyes from frowning at imbeciles and saying: “What the fuck did you just say?” Dont let this happen to you lol.
Botox baby girl and you can walk around pissed and no one knows. 😉
It is my son. I had to remove him from the estate as long as he is with the monster, who BTW is a Narc. HG helped me with avenues to deal with it. I do recommend him for consult. It took one hour and it was just what I needed.
Yes, use them wisely as they rolled off my tongue very elegantly.
I thought I heard you call my name. I do more than tolerate you. I am your sister wife. Have you forgotten? I enjoy your company and your busting my chops! I like abuse, remember? I hope you have a wonderful time in galapagos and see blue boobys. If you don’t, I can send you a picture of mine with blue tassled pasties…lol Not the same kind but, then you can say that you saw blue boobies. They will never know. 😉
ABB you know I get jealous if you toss too many sweet words HG’s way so I have to keep you in check. I am hopeless and I can’t be saved at this point. 😉
But do not feel alone, I call many out for various reasons. I get in a mood and go around kicking and biting. I have a couple pissed at me and you know me, I like to stir the pot.
I am incorrigible and very untrainable.
Glad someone is keeping me under control. My sweet words have lost their potency as of late. I am certain replacement players have filled in any gap. It’s like a volleyball match…Rotate!! It seems HG is just not calling in old players, he’s got too many new ones….ah well I got Mr. Black as a surefire backup. Lucky me, he’s a 🦄
Yes, HG tossed me aside long ago. It is OK. I expected it. I can still admire him. I can still be jealous as I am sure he likes it. I find solace in the fact that he will discard everyone else too. He is silly like that. 😉
Today I am a toaster. 😉
And I’m a blender! Had a great time last night with Billy Joe Armstrong and Green Day. Feeling hungover!
Ah Oh may I ask why you feel jealous when others are sweet on HG?
This is one emotion I am very unfamiliar with, only one time in my life that someone could bring this emotion out. I am still not sure if it was their jealousy or actually mine I was experiencing.
Either way I came to the conclusion it is one to cause destruction.
TD Thank you for your inquire. The answer is because he belongs to me. In my mind. Period.
My jealousy does not cause destruction. I control it. It can cause some looks that would frighten someone.
Thank you for your honesty, I had suspected.
Jealousy thou is destructive to ones inner peace, not always destructive outwardly.
It is an one emotion I have. I have empathy for very few people and most of my empathy is for animals.
The jealousy is not of insecurity but of a different standpoint.
Trust me, it is all fun and games.
Ah Oh, Narc Angel, ABB, and TD: this thread put a smile on my face.
Ah Oh: I thought I was a sister wife too. Though a very disobedient one who doesn’t follow the rules as of late. Btw, if you get rid of your son’s narcy gf, I’m single 😀
Narc Angel: yes, humor has left the building … It is because of the 10,000 page rule book. See section 188.8.131.52 to 184.108.40.206 on my violations. 😀
ABB: don’t stop flirting. In the words of the great R Kelly: “What is your name? I’m feeling your vibe and I’m hoping you feel the same”
I’mma wink my eye and let you know I got the game”.
Twilight Dawn: I agree, real jealousy is destructive. Here, it is more like girls competing for a date with The Bachelor. Though our version of ‘date’ on this site is a lively banter with Mr. Tudor.
NA you can always have me and we can talk about all kinds of things.
Oh my gosh, AH OH! I did not have time to view that attached ‘hot-crazy matrix’. Just viewed and so funny! I am indeed below 5 crazy and above 8 hot (AKA unicorn again confirmed/affirmed), and the male matrix with cute and cash…”priceless” thanks
Unlike the rest of you, I am a very private person, and I VALUE my privacy. Not judging, just an observation
I understand people believing in their privacy.
Basically i had hardly known any privacy in my life.. maybe that is one if the reason that i believe that it is an illusion…
I guess no many people, if any, can understand what i even mean.
Ms Brown! We are all private, except for here! 😉
I do not post my PERSONAL “going on” in my life on FB.
Political post, animal post and perhaps a cool adventure or concert. But never of what my true emotional status or relationship status.
I like your name too.
You would not post in a public forum if you valued your privacy so much.
Not judging at all but it is an observation and a fact.
I am specifically referring to FB, staying on subject of this posting of HG’s… FACEBOOK Predator
They prey on you no matter what. They start with FACEBOOK.
MsBrown I also was referring to FACEBOOK, staying on topic. But you stated my post was irrelevant.
Your blog tells everything about you.
You must be careful of who you try to puss on or insinuate one is irrelevant. Not only is it pompous, it is mean. So I bid you a very nice “fuck off”.
do tell, what does my blog say about me?
It doesn’t tell you address if that is what you are thinking. But more of your emotional state. Which is the ultimate personal exposure. You are most vulnerable and I reached out to you to be nice. But now I will not be nice and I will be a real cunt to you.
I am not vulnerable and interesting that you read my blog, AO
I like your blog. Ms. Brown
Thank you, AO
Anytime but I do think I will refer to you are Miss Mermaid. Do you mind?
I prefer to be called Sea Starr, hence the title of my blog, thank you 🌊
Ms Brown Sea Star, got it. I also prefer Queenie but my family addresses me as the Warden.
Dear Warden! (two r’s in starr, lol)
How about Queen Warden then?
Sure, it has a ring to it. It was funny when I would call my father ,who lived with my sister before he passed and here “it is the Warden” when they passed the phone.
My son will say to the girls at the front desk at the spa, where we are members, “oh I smell sulfur. Is my mom here?” Insinuating I am the devil. It is all in fun.
Lol Sea Star: Orphan of Chincoteague by Margurite Henry was one of my favorite authors as a child.
I would dream about seeing a pony roundup as a child, it is a dream that will come true next year.
Do you have a love for the ocean?
@Twilight… It goes well beyond love, I am DEEPLY involved/evolved
…. Unfamiliar with “Orphan of Chincoteague”
Have you read her books?
I found them when I was around 7. I was and still have a deep love for horses. I would search high and low for anything on them. Especially Arabians. They are by far magnificent creatures IMO.
Twilight/Dawn and Ms Brown
Good God are you two dating now? I feel like I should look away lol.
For god sake NA, Where the hell did you even get an idea like that?
Haha it was just all that ethereal talk of ponies, books, love of the ocean, orphans, deeply involved and beyond love that made me think I was privy to fairies in conversation.
Clearly Im jealous.
Back to your unicorns and rainbows.
Made me think of something sea related but I dont think you and especially Ms Brown would share in my mirth.
Ah hell NA smh
Unicorns and rainbows 🌈, keep them.
I am attracted to darkness, thank you very much.
@ T/D…Not really into horses, unless it is the Sea Horse variety! Thx, though!
Once upon a time mine was public then things changed. My private life is just that private now, even if my account was public I dont post often to busy working and living life
I don’t understand why listing the tv programmes & books you like suggests you are lonely? Surely it just suggests you like those programs and books?
Clearly you like them Flickatina but an extensive list of television programme and books tells us you spend a lot of time watching television and reading which suggests you are lonely. I accept this is not the case every time, but it has proven accurate on many occasions.
I have my Facebook account open to public.. and never had problems..
it portraits surely my personality.. an open trusting person.. 😋
whats the point being on social media and restrict settings.. ?? to me its hypocritical ..
privacy on Facebook it is illusionary anyway..
think about it..
So true, another lens with respect to asking ourselves prior to posting ‘how might a narc on the troll perceive this post’.
“What do you want?”
Oh nothing wow look at that (points to something)
“What are you selling?”
Oh I’m not selling anything (eyes roll back to remember script)
“Why are you still standing there?”
You must be having a bad day, is another time better?
“No other time is better, remove me from your list”
Mutters some comment about blessing…
Close the door.
Variations of this recent interaction will remove all but the persistent buggars.
Reblogged this on Speak Out 4 Others and commented:
He is a predator-Facebook, Pinterest, Online Dating Sites, etc
If I ever entertain the thought of creating a FB account I will always think of you and your warnings.
All the articles that you write about social media are full of knowledge for us to take advantage of. I am well aware of all the dangers out there waiting for me.
And I got a Hoover from my ex through one of her minions. ( her pretend daughter). She showed up on my Pinterest account as following all of my boards. I feel soo sorry for that girl.
What does my ex feel when she sees and reads my sociopath/narcissist info?
I suspect she will be dismissive of it or possibly suggest you are one and you are projecting elsewhere SW.
So glad I got off Facebook. I admit it was tough. It was such an easy way to get attention from my “friends” who honestly didn’t care what I was doing. It’s a sham.
If people are stupid enough to leave their social media, FB or whatever in the “Public” mode, then they are asking for trouble and sitting targets. Put your shit to PRIVATE and only accept or allow people you know personally or family members access. This is common sense. Why would anyone want to be an open book to the vastness of strangers on iNet? LIMIT what you make public or risk being targeted by all kinds of predators…. or better yet, stay OFF social media. there is something even more intriguing about having an aire of mystery about ones self, no?
FB cannot totally be set to private.. that changed a few years ago. I have an instagram that I can control what I post and who sees it.
People (right or wrong) think it ‘odd’ if you don’t have some type of social media. My FB is highly sanitized, not fake; but I am always concerned about the professional image I am projecting. Just the way it is.
I agree we can try to limit our digital footprint, at least what we post.
FB can be turned to totally private as well as a “deactivated” mode. Do your research and have some real knowledge before posting your comment stating it isn’t possible. It is ppl like you that get targeted and stalked because you don’t know any better. What “people” think its odd if you do not have social media? Factual info please? whom says it is “odd”, why in reality it is the heard following some “leader”. I choose to be my own leader and I am not labeled as “odd”… I find an individual that says they use FB for “professional” reasons is a cry for desperation and attention. A true business, however, not posted as an individual, is legitimate and not subject to being targeted by a predator. I speak from a point of experience…
but I don’t want to deactivate my FB.. it serves as a directory like a phone book and cheaper to im. I did not say I use FB for professional reasons (I have linkedin for that, haha). Have a great day Ms. B
To correct you: I did not say “delete” I said “deactivate”. Know the difference. You can still use FB features in “deactive” mode and remain invisible, if you wish.
ok, this is my last response to you. In my response I said “but I do not want to deactivate my FB…”. why would I be invisible on FB. Please go away, consider yourself on NC.
Really!?… WTF??? !!
U do not make sense, amsodone
I am so political on my facebook these days, I am getting sick of myself.;-)
I also post much about animals and great apes. I was thinking about having another FB page that would be all rainbows and unicorns and than I thought Fuck it, I will keep on being the political, save the animals cause I love them more, person that I am. Such a deplorable!
I do not worry about professional image as I have no need.
I wait for the thought police to knock on my door anyday now.
Hi AH OH. Yes, so true and animals love us unconditionally. My pup is always there for me and always happy to see me – antithesis of the narc. I’ve posted pics of my dog but have deleted any and every reference to narc. I did not share my narc on FB, deleted from instagram, phone, etc.
And there is nothing wrong with unicorns and rainbows – I happen to be a unicorn.
LOL my Narc called me a Unicorn. Gave me a few Unicorn brooches.
Actually the only thing about my Narc ever on my FB was a few pictures, Never about my personal emo dealings.
Oh my gosh, AH OH! I did not have time to view that attached ‘hot-crazy matrix’. Just viewed and so funny! I am indeed below 5 crazy and above 8 hot (AKA unicorn again confirmed/affirmed), and the male matrix with cute and cash…”priceless” thanks
I agree with that but I was protected in every way and he joined one of my groups and I accepted him as a friend so that we can interact. I trugly believe these predators can get to anyone if they are an empath. I was having a troubled time in my life and we’ll the rest is HISTORY thank god but it was my wake up call to loving me. I rare lying use social media now but believe me most people can get caught out.
For some unknown reason I seem to have become an avoid.
So here’s a verb that just became newly a noun.