6 Speciality Hoovers and How To Unplug Them
The hoover. An instrument of cleaning and the instrument by which we endeavour to suck you back into our false reality so we can exert our hold over you once again. Hoovers come at various stages of your dance with us and also come in a variety of forms and guises so that you may not even realise that a hoover is taking place. Hoovers come in two categories which are linked to when they take place and the method adopted to hoover. Some methods can apply to different times in the interaction with our kind, others apply to just one time, often post discard or post escape. There are scores of different methods used in hoovers but here are six which may or may not be familiar to you along with how you can endeavour to pull the plug on them and avoid being sucked in. It is worth pointing out of course that if your narcissist cannot find you and contact you, the hoover can never get started, but that state of affairs is not always possible.
- The Proxy Hoover
This does not come from the narcissist but from one of his supporters in his coterie or his Lieutenants. It usually comes from a Lieutenant who can be relied on to execute the hoover in precisely the way that we have directed. The Proxy Hoover will often include a different type of hoover e.g. The Medical Emergency Hoover where the narcissist will use a genuine or more likely feign a medical emergency to force interaction between you and the narcissist and engender sympathy. With the proxy, the call alerting you to the emergency concerning the narcissist will come from the Lieutenant. Like any proxy hoover, there are several reasons for adopting this approach: –
- You may not realise the person is a lieutenant and therefore you are more likely to respond to what they say than if it came from our kind, especially if you have instigated no contact;
- The conflict between you and us is ameliorated as a consequence of the involvement of this third party, meaning you are more likely to believe what you are being told;
- The proxy may stand more chance of persuading you to act;
- You may regard what we say and do with suspicion but not this third party
- You may not want to look bad in the eyes of the third party by failing to respond.
The key to dealing with this hoover is actually recognise what it is. It is not a third party asking for your help, it is a third party coercing you into contact with us again. You should be especially aware of any of your friends or family asking you to see us or do something for us, or if they comment about how good you and I were together, that we really do miss you and so on. We will infiltrate your supporters to gain added credibility and slip under your radar in this manner. Be aware that any third party who asks you to engage with us is a proxy who is executing the hoover on our behalf. No matter how purportedly significant the event is, the emotional pull involved or the persuasion applied reject it and do so in a firm and business-like manner. Do not show indecision, do not appear upset or concerned or even annoyed or irritated by the approach – even if you do not engage this reaction will be reported to us and will achieve two things for us. One, fuel. Secondly, we know we still have an effect on you and we will keep hoovering. If you are concerned the nature of the proxy hoover may be genuine suggest the Lieutenant finds someone else to help.
- The Reverse Hoover
This is quite a cunning method of hoovering. We let it be known through various channels that we do not want anything to do with you, that you should never darken our doorstep again and that we are through with you. This message will be broadcast over all channels – through friends, family, social media and so on. It is not said by us directly to you, that would defeat the purpose. We ensure this message reaches you and the aim is to have you disbelieve that we would say such a thing about you and to appeal to your desire to prove us wrong. Just in the way that a parent causes problems by denying a teenager any opportunity to hang out after 9pm, so they go and do it anyway, by telling you there is something that you cannot do, you then want to do it. Of course we have to gauge the right recipient of this hoover as some people will be content to hear us say those words. It is usually done with those we have discarded without telling that person they have been discarded and they cannot quite believe that it is at an end. This proclamation will cause them concern but they are still not ready to accept that it is the case that the relationship has ended (and they are right because it never ends) and therefore they come looking for an explanation and confirmation that what they have heard is not true. By not telling you direct we can tell you that the rumours you have heard are false and welcome you back with open arms as you are successfully hoovered. Again, recognise this for what it is and avoid acting on what you have been told. It is a ruse to play on your trait of needing to know. If you hear such things being said tell yourself that the comments are true, it is over and we do not want anything to do with you and stay away.
- The Letterbox Hoover
This hoover utilises the strong link we know that exists for some time post discard or post escape between seeing a trigger and the golden memories (and/or dark memories) that flow from the trigger. For example, we always slow danced to a particular piece of music with you which made you feel loved and wonderful. If you hear that piece of music the memory is awakened and we flood your memory and your senses. This is ever presence. To avoid this happening you need to take all steps not to play this piece of music again, indulge yourself with new pieces of music and if you hear it inadvertently to switch it off or move away from its source. With this hoover we want to scale your defences and use ever presence to get back in to your head, cause you to think of us and react (and although we do not see it we will get fuel because we know how you will respond) and make you vulnerable to wanting to contact us or a further hoover approach from us. One method of doing this is to send you a birthday or Christmas card with a beautiful, thoughtful handwritten message, often alluding to what we did together on a wonderful birthday or Christmas together during our golden period. This arrives with other cards and therefore is less noticeable. We will most likely print the address or have someone else write it for us so our handwriting does not alert you on the envelope. Once you open it, you read the message and see it is from us and bam! We are in your head and heart once again. It is a pleasant gesture, no malice and you will remember all the good things, think about us, want to contact us and thank us and wonder if this represents a fresh beginning of good relations or the chance to get back together and do things right this time. It is a hoover pure and simple.
To tackle this covert hoovering method, have someone vet all cards and parcels which are sent to you around Christmas, birthday and other appropriate festivals and events. Once checked this person can weed out anything from us and then reseal the envelopes for you so you still have the pleasant act of opening the envelopes and cards for yourself, that have been sent from anybody but us.
- The Psychic Connection
This is effective if we know that you are a spiritual person who believes in psychic events, astrology, ghosts, telepathy and the emotional connections between people that are stronger than normal. These beliefs and similar are often applicable to empathic people who of course form our victims of choice. We will use a supposed psychic connection or event to appeal to this nature of yours in order to signify that something special has happened which means we need to be together. We have to have the means of contacting you, often by sending you a message or leaving a voicemail. It is done in a dramatic fashion as we have suddenly uncovered a mystical or portentous occurrence which is of deep-seated significance which tells us that we are meant to be together, we should see each other straight away to discuss its implications or that it has caused us to see the light with it being conveyed in such a manner. Examples will include
- Claiming to have dreamt about you in a strange and significant way;
- We have seen a clairvoyant who spoke about you and I;
- We saw your image when you were not there as if you needed to tell us something;
- A picture of you fell off the wall or fell over on our desk without explanation and we knew this meant you wanted to get in touch;
- We have had a vision of something terrible happening to you and we have to warn you to save you;
- Your face appeared in the froth on our morning latte;
- Your name was spelt in jam on the kitchen floor when we dropped our toast.
From the possible to the ridiculous we will exploit your belief in such things in order to establish contact again. Recognise any messages that allude to the above or similar things as what they are; a hoover and do not respond to them in any fashion no matter how curious or compelling it may feel.
- The Silent Hoover
This comes in the form of a telephone call but there is no message left or nobody speaks when you answer. It is a blank text message or empty e-mail. It is an invitation to use a particular app on your phone. The purpose of this is to get you to respond to find out why it was sent or done. Once you do so we will either escalate the nature of the hoover by turning on the charm or trying to draw sympathy etc. through the application of a further hoover. We may not respond when you telephone but we know that we have been able to make you respond and we will do a few further Silent Hoovers to increase your curiosity and confirm that you are vulnerable now to our overture by way of a further hoover. If you fail to respond or do so and dismiss us we save face by saying it was sent by mistake a “butt call” or we hit the wrong key etc. If you respond favourably then we have a green light to apply further pressure to seduce you again. Once again recognise this for what it is and no matter how curious as to why it has been sent do not respond. It is a hoover which will rope you in and have you subjected to further additional hoovers of a different nature.
- The Prove Yourself Hoover
Similar to The Reverse Hoover, this hoover relies on your need to say your piece, stand up for yourself and have the last word. It relies on ensuring that a smear campaign has been effected against you and something particularly ridiculous or savage has been said about you. We will ensure that word reaches you through messages from third parties, third parties telling you to your face or postings on social media so you are gripped by the need to respond, set the record straight and tell us what has really happened in order to get us to accept this and issue an apology and correction. We know the type of victim that this really strikes home with, those who always need the truth to be told, who need to be held in correct regard by other people and those who must set us straight. We know you will be sat bristling, incredulous at what is being said about you and you cannot help yourself but want to get the true version out there and ram our words back down our throat. This hoover relies on this and the fuel that flows as you come charging at us ready to make us eat our words. This is precisely that we want to happen.
Again, recognise it is happening and do not respond. If you need to ensure people know the truth, then tell them in an even-handed and level manner and refer to evidence wherever possible rather than oral testimony and hearsay. Do not try and approach us, do not try and persuade us. We are not interested in that. We are interested in your fuel and getting to interact with you again.
To learn more about the narcissistic hoover read Black Hole – Available on Amazon
US https://www.amazon.com/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
CAN https://www.amazon.ca/Black-Hole-Narcissistic-Hoover-Tudor-ebook/dp/B01D7OPOFQ
54 thoughts on “6 Speciality Hoovers and How To Unplug Them”
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Hi H.G.,
Curious about the Hoover on one point. In many of your articles you make reference to their “fear of being wounded” or if they were wounded prior to parting. Could you please elaborate on this point? Are you referring to wounding in a form of a criticism/without fuel? If in fact this happens, (in person, email or text) and we are able to wound them, what does that do to a narc. exactly? And how long does the effect last? I am stuck on this issue because if anyone criticizes me I don’t like it but I shrug it off or address it with the person,
Through reading all your books/articles I am aware of the seriousness of criticism to a narc. but never got the total effect and/or time factor is recovery that’s why I don’t totally understand their immense fear before a hoover.
Thanks you kind Sir!
Hi HG. As, I believe, you know by now, it’s almost been a year since I was discarded with no Hoover’s.
I have a question. When I bought my home 2.5 years ago, the exN was with me when I signed the papers, so he clearly knows where I live. Just last night there was information on our local news channel describing a situation taking place (regarding quite a few of the homes, including mine) in the community, where I live, which is approximately 20 miles away from him. On the news brief it actually showed a portion of my home.
If he saw this news clip, could it cause a hoover trigger, especially if he thinks the situation could be serious enough to cause me to move?
Would it make him think (6th sphere), “if she moves, I’ll never know where she’s at”, so I better start watching, even if just from a distance”?
Or, if he sees it, and is still in a golden, either with his spouse or a new IPSS, would it not matter enough to him to want to bother with me?
I’m seriously considering moving and I just want to have all my defenses in place depending on what you think could happen.
Thank you in advance!
I escaped my Narc only 4 months ago and I’ve had almost every hoover under the sun already.
Just yesterday, I got the ‘private-number-hang-up’ to my work phone (he’s blocked on my cell) and tonight I got a Proxy Hoover from a mutual friend: seems his mum has had a mild stroke (she’s home now, by herself, so obviously mostly okay) and he would really really really like to talk to me. Aren’t I just the rotten bitch that refuses?
I told the Lieutenant I love his mum to bits and I’m saddened by this news, but my ex has made my involvement impossible; it’s in the hands of my attorney now.
Did I do okay?
You did indeed Tanya.
Your face appears in the froth of our morning latte !!! Lmfao! I am howling. You are too funny.
HG, can you explain to me how this happened; I was in jail (long story… it was not my fault and my dad was in surgery so I was stuck there) and all I could think about was C (my narc) and his chilli, his cats and getting out to go see him, and all I wanted to do was watch 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea with him. Now, we have a few movies that we always watch together; Cold Mountain and The Assassination of Jesse James, but we never watched, or even mentioned 20,000 Leagues to one another before. So I got out around 7 at night and after retrieving my car and some belongings from my psycho roommate, and driving 3 hours to his house… I arrived to find a brand new unopened DVD on the bedside table. He told me he’d bought it three days before (when I was incarcerated and I had no way of contacting him)…. HOW DID HE KNOW?? He always knows when I’m thinking about him too, damn him.
Ok. Thanks very much.
HG, my ex narc posts the most odd sayings and abbreviations. I have no idea what they mean, but I have a feeling he’s trying to MH me. Is this the case? Thank you. D.
It is a possibility. Where are the posts placed?
On his bio.
Possibly directed at you albeit since their meaning is unknown one cannot say with greater certainty.
Psychic connection ah my only response would be ya right and I am winning the lottery (which would be hard I don’t play)
Oh alright. To counter balance all the scoffers out there – I’ll speak up for all of us true believers silently reading. I live my whole life based on psychic connections, only I call them signs from God. I gave up trying to plan my future based on my own reasoning decades ago. Best decision I ever made! No worries, no trying to sort out problems – just follow the signs. The only difference with me and HGs examples is it’d be me seeing the faces and names in the froth and jam and me making the calls! 😊
Windstorm
That was directed at what my response would be to the man I was involved with. He knows me and my beliefs.
I have been breaking mans rules for a very long time following the path that is revealed to me, odds have always been against me, still standing fearlessly.
I have witness “true believers” and I have witness the faithful, their actions speak volumes as to which god they serve, consciously or subconsciously.
Just my opinion, no disrespect intended
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
what a waste of time
“Your face appeared in the froth on my morning latte”
Jejeje, it took me a few minutes of cracking up to get past that one…
And then came the jam?
Have you really used these (the latte and jam) HG? Is this from personal experience?
Surely not?
I would find that a good giggle and think you were joking?
As wild as your kind get with the bs…(and there’s a lot I have believed) this seems too twisted?
God (that’s you HG;) help us if we are getting seduced by having our face show up in someone’s latte?
Then again, we may need you?
No I have not used the latte and the jam examples myself.
4. 7. Your name was spelt in jam on the kitchen floor when we dropped our toast.
I cannot ha! Even I wouldn’t fall for that.
I can honestly say my ex has never tried to Hoover me. However he does play games with the kids minds. He tells them I tell him they don’t want to see or talk to him when the exact opposite is what is happening. I said that they don’t want to meet with an Entourage of lieutenants. (Since he is unable to spend time alone with the kids). They would prefer to spend quality with him alone. It gets me so angry and before I started reading this I would respond to him by sending him a hateful text about what a horrible father he was for not wanting to spend time with his kids. Now I know that could be just the response he is looking for from me. Am I correct HG? Is this his way of manipulating me to upset me more? I just don’t even acknowledge him anymore. I don’t answer his texts. And I try my best to keep him away from the kids. His influence is not helpful with them. And he is causing undo stress and anxiety for them. I wonder if some of the things he does is to push my buttons and upset me when the kids share some of the things he says and does with them planning on them getting back to me? Are these hoovering or are they just in reality me reading into his actions too much?
Your ex has hoovered you; through the children and you responded with fuel as you have now recognised.
HG great article… ironically perfect timing as well. They really do come back eventually! I really had thought he had given up this time,after 7 months. But no. Luckily this time I was armed with the truth ( thanks to you) so it was merely an annoying blip in an otherwise fabulous day! Thank u again!
No. 4 – HG, are you familiar with the old Chinese legend of the “Red String of Fate”? This would definitely fall under that.
I am not familiar with that Clarece.
According to Chinese legend, everyone’s pinky finger is tied to an invisible red string that will lead him / her to another person that they will make history with. Within the journey of life’s encounters and shared stories there is a predesigned and perfect path that fate would one day bring together for two soulmates. The invisible string would be their way of finding one another.
(I know you’re going to scoff and call me a love devotee, but I like this one.)
Thank you for explaining.
MLA…. I am very familiar with that Chinese saying! Was cool to see someone else that “knows”…
Same to you! That myth always resonated with me.
I concur!!
MLA that was very interesting considering I have had a belief sense I was young. Thank you for sharing.
You’re welcome. Follow it through with the signicant people in your life and how you met them. Did they or their parents move at a certain time and place you were at in your life to stumble on them? Because of certain friends you had or co-workers at a specific point, you met another mutual friend that was a game changer? It does seem there is a destiny meant to unfold with certain individuals coming into our life.
MLA yes I have had a few people come into my life and have had what I would call an “awakening” , I have a deeper belief that has been with me sense I was teenager.
Do you believe a soulmate can be anyone? Or the person you are romantically involved with?
Soulmate? I personally associate with romantic involvement.
This is very bizarre. I was just chatting about karmic relationships and if people stay with each other throught life until we learn our lesson or find peace. I do wonder about how HG fits in. Ii doubt he and I have red twine or strings on our pinkies. We’d be breaking our cosmic teeth trying to gnaw through.
HG would only fit in if you met him in real life and you both changed each other’s histories on your destiny’s path.
I think HG has red Strings on all of his fingers and toes if you count everyone in the Asylum of the Grotesque. (Oh, hi HG).
MLA Have you read Snowflower and The Secret Fan? I believe this does mean it can be with anyone, woman or man.
I believe that too. Everyone has those few significant people in their life whether it be lover, close friend, mentor that forever changes you. There was you before you met them, and a different you after you met them. Obviously soul mate falls in that for me. Lol
I have not read that story. What is it about?
It is a relationship between two young girls who go through the foot binding. It is a really good read.
MLAClarence
That is a beautiful thought. But I have worked with yarn all my life and dealt with many impossible tangles that I had to just cut out and throw away. I have no doubt that my red string is such a knotted, convoluted mess that I could never have a hope of figuring out! Even if I left my comfortable home in the dark forest and managed to stumble onto my perfect path, I probably wouldn’t be able to see or move for all the red mess around me! I’m going to have this visual image all day! At least it’s my favorite color….oooh wait! Maybe that’s why I like red so much!😝
Hello Windstorm! What is funny in this is that the string is “red” yet “invisible” at the same time. lol
#4 The Psychic Connection…………..
6. I thought it was a question mark in the froth.
All kidding aside and this happened so long ago it really doesnt matter now but I do have to chime in. I do so with total relief and freedom of any emotion connected to this.
I cut my hair and he saw a picture as he was trolling my profile. He said it spoke to him and he thought I was calling out to him as I might be in the hospital.. He was worried I was sick.
The voice mail was so crazy, I still have it. He sounds so depressed. I keep it to remind myself how close I came to a bullet.
Thank goodness I am a cannon. He would say he would bring a bat to the battle, I brought the cannon.
It is hard to think that you have this behaviour HG. It is such a shame. It really is.
We have about 20yrs of hoovering experiences to look forward to. As we mature, the incidences taper off. We might be left with a grand narc, but he’s the devil we know, so we put up with him. Granted he might be a spiritual being, hard to pin down, but love him anyway.
Because he loves all the way, forever. 😂
The “rescue” Hoover: when you go through a tough time and he shows up in time to “comfort” you or be the “shoulder to cry on”. Usually after funerals, break ups, hard times that reached their ears through leutenents.
There is another form of Prove Yourself Hoover.
After discussions which turned into arguments due to my non-compliance with Mr. Know-it-all, he would give me a silent treatment. Upon return, he’d sometimes tell me that my reaction was down to little life experience (I know now I had lived a rather sheltered life), and that he was not sure yet if I had an ‘intellectual bone’ in me. I needed to prove this to him.
Very creative, isn’t it? And how lovely to hear that from your soul-mate, your One and Only for all eternity. Makes you feel all fuzzy and warm inside!
Psychic connection #7…. lol 🙂
and… dropped the toast.
I was very serious while reading this until “Your face appeared in the froth on our morning latte”. Then I burst out laughing. And, yes, I would’ve fallen for this pre-HG.
Thank you…I can avoid these. The my mom was in hospital and I was too hoover caught my attention. Number 3 burns my bottom.
I do believe in psychic connections. Will need to be mindful of that one.
especially the jam on the floor..
I’m laughing but not. I can think about him and he will hoover. It is bizarre.
I know what you mean. They can have this telepathy thing happening… it is very creepy. Often just when I picked up phone to text him, he was right there. wth.
Uncanny. HG…what have you to say about this?
Telepathy? I am yet to be convinced but who knows we may find that it can occur. Certainly there are those of us who can sense certain things, that is why we are effective in the way we target and ensnare people.
Thank you.
Pleasure.