The Vainglorious Twenty

the-vainglorious

 

To say that my kind and me have a high opinion of ourselves is to put it too low. We are superior, of an elevated status and ethereally stunning and wonderful. Our achievements are magnificent, our accomplishments legion and we leave you mere mortals trailing in our wake. We know you look on, slack-jawed and wide-eyed, a mixture of awe and envy washing over you. How good it must be to be like us, you wonder. Well not only are we spectacular and scintillating we are generous too, so generous that I can share with you twenty of our excessively vain and self-centred comments. You may have heard a number of these said to you, about you or just uttered in your general earshot as we gaze nobly towards the horizon. If you have, you know you are dealing with one of our kind and that we wholeheatedly believe these comments irrespective of how pompous, hypocritical ,vain or ridiculous they may sound.All that matters to us is ensuring we gain a reaction to them.

  1. I don’t complain, I advise.
  2. I do, I am not done to.
  3. Don’t be sorry. Be accurate.
  4. I turn heads. I turn sexual preferences.
  5. I own you.
  6. I have every right to do this.
  7. I never lie.
  8. I achieved all this without any help whatsoever.
  9. I made you what you are today.
  10. I am very much in touch with my feelings.
  11. I hate liars.
  12. It is all down to me.
  13. I am a god.
  14. If it wasn’t for me, nothing would get done round here.
  15. I think of everyone but myself. I am too giving at times.
  16. It can be hard being this well-loved.
  17. I cannot help being so popular.
  18. They are my people. They get understand me,
  19. Everyone wants to either be me or be with me.
  20. I am the puppet master and the piper. Deal with it.
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43 thoughts on “The Vainglorious Twenty”

  1. No. 3 – Don’t be sorry. Be accurate. That made me chuckle. A previous employer I had from a long time ago would say that. I then came up with my own little motto to succeed in that environment. “Don’t bring me problems. Bring me resolutions to problems.” Humans make errors all the time. It’s why “customer service” was created. If I’ve caused an error or problem, which I’ve done a time or two, I already have the resolution thoroughly researched before I bring it to you. It will be handled.

    It’s actually a very honest statement. You’re clearly being told to be accurate and the person will be pleased with you.

    HG, do you ever have to conduct interviews for your employees or is there HR to do that? I’m curious what curve ball questions you would throw in an interview if you do?

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    1. I do conduct interviews although I have to suffer the Hardly Relevant department having someone there as well. Some of the curveballs?
      “Who do you prefer, you mother or father and why?”
      “If you could choose your method of death, what would it be and why?”
      “If you could rule a country, which country would it be and why?”
      “When did you last cry and what caused you to cry?”

      Alongside the standard fluff which gets asked (which I leave to others as it is so boring) I like to talk about films with people. That usually gives me a decent idea of their character.

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      1. This was too funny! I love your HR reference. You do not really ask those questions…?!?! Does “Hardly Relevant” interject if you do? lol
        I had to conduct interviews three times and I agree that getting the candidate to talk about their hobbies or tv / film is a great way to get a feel for their personality (and if they have one) and ease into the harder questions afterward.

        Btw, my answer to your question on method of death would be “at the hands of a jealous lover while in bed with another.” haha

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      2. One of my all time favourite films is Apocalypse Now. I generally avoid mentioning that at an interview. The look of concerned panic from the interviewer is usually quite enough.

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      3. And what would your vote be for our lovely Heart of the Ocean “Titanic”?

        Would I still be pounding the pavement? Lol

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      4. Ha! ClareNce can go work at the copier. People person Clarece can be the face of the company for goodwill purposes!

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      5. If they show promise for a certain position then they are tested in the field.
        My kind do have a particular role to play in certain positions as do empaths.

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      6. I guess there’s no rules, protected human rights or employee rights there. Your PM should be ashamed.
        Your questions are Illegal in the states. At least, the last time I checked.

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      7. My mother, as she is still alive.
        Why, sir, is it to be expected that I will want to do so when working with you?
        Wonderland, as I enjoy irrational, illogical questions.
        I cried tears of laughter when a narcissistic customer of mine had to realize that she was forced to give up her games.

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      8. Entertainment: as soon as a company has managed to hire a psychopath, there’s no chance of anything else. He will play HR as anybody else. And I must agree that HR people are not as savvy as they should be, working with them in projects is like talking to a wall.

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  2. If I said I like movies and I can be very moved in the moment, but they never leave a lasting impression nor do I follow actors much, would I be sweeping the closet? lol

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      1. ROTFL – ah, but also then a mystery? Didn’t give you anything to plug in to? Self-preservation. … hide who you are, then maybe you will be left alone. In a job interview, I look for clues in the interviewer and try to mirror them.

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      2. Understandable and sensible to avoid our clutches but you want that job don’t you, so you are going to have to come out of your hidey hole and some point and guess who is waiting?

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      3. hahah I think that’s why I never come out of my hidey hole. Narc thought it was my coocoon. Like his depravity was better than my hidey hole cocoon?!

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  3. HG… since you’re indulging us with some personal “profiling” my fav films are the “Saw Series” and “The Walking Dead”. Please, do tell, what do you get from that?

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  4. HG please forgive me if I’m crossing a boundary. (I don’t want to make you mad). Here goes…how do you date and keep your mask on without them ever finding out about this blog and your youtube videos? If I was groomed, devalued and then discarded by a narc (which I was) and then found that he had a blog and videos and books helping people heal from their entanglement with a narcissist I think I’d finally fall on my sword. It would be the greatest devastation I can imagine.

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    1. I mean if you are completely and totally anonymous with your name and changing your voice then it’s not totally out of the realm of possibility that someone you discarded could be a reader here getting help and guidance from the very one who put her in the situation she is in. And then since I’m so neurotic I think “omg…what if HG is really my ex narc and I’m inadvertently telling him about all my pain and anguish?!” He’s getting loads of fuel!!

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      1. You’ll get more readers. No way around it. You are the equivalent of stumbling on a goldmine. Ive thought about this and it seems the only problem is that you’re anonymous and that makes hard core marketing impossible. Nature of the beast.

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