The Ten Narcissistic Commandments

THE TEN

1. I am right. You are wrong.

Everything I say and do is founded in the logic of my world and it follows that is has to be right. It equally follows therefore that whatever you say and do is wrong. I cannot ever allow you to be seen to be right because that means I am ceding control to somebody whom I regard as inferior. This undermines my sense of superiority. Maintaining this state of me being right and you being wrong requires various manipulative techniques including blame-shifting, projection, denial and deflection. Of course I am relying on your need to be understood and your desire to change me that you will always approach this stance of mine head on. My position will seem illogical to you and you will react to it and keep doing so.

2. There is no you and me. There is only me.

You are purely an extension of myself. I want to subsume everything about you into me. This is part of the reason why I seduce you with such totality. I am unable to discern where you begin and where I end. I regard you as an appliance that is to be plugged into me and is there to do my bidding, providing me with fuel, looking after me and responding to everything that I command. I forbid you to act independently of me, have interests beyond me and to interact with others. I am what is important. You must focus on me and only me. Your needs become secondary to my needs.

3. Do as I say, not as I do.

Do not question me. Who are you to question someone as brilliant as me? Know your place. Submit to me and carry out my whims. Accede to my commands. I am entitled to do as I please and therefore any contradiction in my behaviour is a mistaken belief on your part. You may regard what I say and do as hypocrisy but you are wrong once again. This is pragmatism on my part and that is why I succeed whilst you fail.

4. One is never enough

Such is my might that one of you is not enough to sustain me. It is my right to gain fuel from all those that I interact with. This means I will be unfaithful but my infidelity is purely a means to an end. By all means react to my affairs and indiscretions, for it is all excellent fuel for me, but you will not stop me from taking another. Expect to be triangulated with other people and objects, for my appetite is so vast I must have many supply lines of fuel and this means you will become a cog inside a vast machine, as wheels turn within wheels.

5. Your pain is my gain

I cannot exist without drawing negative fuel from you at some point. It is retribution for your failings. There is no hope for an alternative. Your devaluation will happen as it has with many before you and those who are yet to come. It is a process and your agony, hurt and distress is purely part of the necessary equation to sustain me. It is drawn from you through many machinations, some you may see and others you will not.

6. You are worthless yet I will never leave you alone

You are inferior to me and that inferiority infuriates me since I am reminded that I must depend on someone weak and pathetic. This in turn generates hatred and despising of this chained situation I find myself in. I will cast you to one side once you have served your purpose and my disgust for you can no longer be tolerated. This is not the end however because I will always return to exhibit my power to draw you back one again and suck further fuel from you.

7. I am everywhere. I am everything

I am omnipotent and omniscient. I have my spies and errand boys all around as they feed me information about you which I can then use against you and to further my agendas. I have my Lieutenants carrying out my orders without question. I instil myself in every aspect of your life, making you see me, hear me and smell me, even after I am no longer physically near you. I imbue my essence into so much that my toxic memory pervades you for years after you have been cast aside, allowing me to return triumphant, as if nothing ever happened, to draw you into my false world once more.

8. The games are always being played.

The quest for fuel is unending. To achieve this I must engage in repeated and sustained manipulations and machinations. You and others are but pawns on my giant chessboard as I move you hither and thither in order to achieve my aims. I plot, plan and scheme before I organise, arrange and orchestrate. Each and every day I must engage in these nefarious games in order to secure my existence and as my chosen primary appliance you will be caught in this malicious web, right in the centre. My game-playing means nothing is as it seems, that truth is a stranger to me and lies flow from my mouth as easily as expelled breath.

9. I will never change

I will issue false promises of changing, empty protestations that I shall seek help and perfidious declarations of knowing I need to alter my behaviour but I never shall. I deny what I am, although for the most part I know full well what I am. I see no reason to change. Why should I when this how I have been created? Why should I when this is all I know? Why should I when it is all your fault anyway?

10. Fuel is the rule.

Fuel is at the centre of everything that I do. My actions and decisions are based on acquiring the precious resource. My interaction with strangers, minions, acquaintances and friends is all hinged on the gathering of fuel. The way in which I deal with colleagues and family is always based on the greatest potential for the collection of fuel. My thoughts are invaded with the need to gain fuel, my actions are dictated by the requirement to garner fuel. Fuel is the reason you were chosen. Fuel is the reason you were seduced, debased and discarded. Fuel is why I came back. Again and again.

Fuel is everything.

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58 Comments

  1. I have been agonizing and searching for answers as to why I have been discarded over and over but come back for more. In my current state of discard and anguish, I became enlightened with what you have written. Now I cannot unsee or undo what has been actually happening. I now know not to believe the empty promises of change, or crave the love and affection that will be ripped away once again. In my current state of discard, I do not feel worthless and weak anymore. Now I feel empowered with the realization that I am the fuel and I do not have to be.

    1. Welcome Sarah, that is good to read and by continuing to read here and consult you will continue your march to freedom.

  2. Lmao. With all their grandiosity and thinking that they’re superior and entitled to be basically abusive pieces of shit (no offense narcs), these 10 commandments pretty much make it clear that narcs have the emotional maturity and thinking capacity of a toddler having a tantrum. Always ME, ME, ME and demanding everything and screaming and kicking if they don’t get their way, and only capable of getting their needs met through obtaining it through other people. It’s okay for humans to act like that as infants because, well, they’re infants! At that stage yes it’s normal to feel entitled to be taken care of by others (e.g. one’s parents), and to have emotional outbursts because at that age one has not yet learnt to regulate one’s emotions. It’s highly ironic that narcissists feel they are so superior, yet they are stunted emotionally compared to normal people (they are stuck at the toddler developmental age) and they are literally helpless without sucking supply from other people. Normal healthy people are able to generate happiness and energy within THEMSELVES. They are able to be reciprocal in relationships without sucking the life force out of someone. They don’t NEED to manipulate and control and abuse others in order to maintain a fragile sense of “control”. Doesn’t seem all that “superior” to me, if narcs are unable to even do such basic things that normal people are capable of, and instead need to spend their whole lives investing so much energy and time into gaining supply, like a drug addict who cannot help themselves. Seems rather, dare I say, inferior – but of course, no narc would ever admit to that or see it that way 😉 Lol. Because they lack even the awareness or capacity to self-reflect on their actions to change – because they don’t even want to change. Rather sad. Narcs go around feeling good about sabotaging other people but in reality, anyone can tell that narcs are also self-sabotaging themselves their entire lives but they just cannot see it. They basically destroy and drive away anyone who gets close to them, and so they will never be able to experience love, and also eventually decent people will avoid them. And they have to spend their lives as a fraud ALL the time, hiding their true self behind a facade, faking emotions to lure victims, trapping themselves further and further in their own web of lies. So sad and ironic they think they are superior when THAT is their reality, but I suppose they HAVE to fool themselves into thinking that way for them to continue functioning. Interesting read nonetheless.

  3. Mine was rich and had the time and money to follow me around the world. Thanks for this blog it gives me so much clarity and helps me when this person tries to pop back into my life, sometimes years later. I am actually here now because of a recent effort to find me that left me reeling as if I had escaped only yesterday. Sigh I guess I have to get over these emotions all over again and that is inconvenient.

    1. You just wrote my story. I saw him today. He must have known where I was going to be because he was looking good . . . and I wanted to, still do, hug him, smell him, look into his eyes, kiss him, like we used to. I feel longing for him when it was good. And I’m still in denial that it was all an illusion. It was a lie.

  4. What a great article Thank you it always helps me with post like this !!! Let me tell you about my experience with a person who is a narcissist . I never even heard of the word really or knew what it meant until I lived through it and it ended . 18 years into a relationship 17 years of marriage and 3 children later ..I did grow up with a narcissist Step father with abuse and saw my mom go through relationship like him that were in unhealthy. And said I would never become her or put my kids one day through that and ever have to be codependent on a man or anyone for that matter . I guess through this whole process of things you learn about yourself alot . I guess maybe that’s why God put my husband in my life … it was a spiritual thing I was in church at the time a friend told me God is sending you someone I said how will I know she said you will well as week later my husband entered my life . And it was something I never felt before I couldn’t even look him in the eye my sprit did alot of flips .I didn’t think much of what my friend said I forgot all about it but I just knew he was the one !!! And now 18 years later after all the lies and cheating and me forgiving him .He leaves me and our 3 children together with nothing . No house we were staying with my friends because we lost our home to a flood just months before .His new source is his first love she fb him and he proposed marriage as of 30 min into conversation. I was so hurt and still am but with God’s grace I’m doing much better . I learning about myself I’m a Empath and didn’t know that about myself sure I knew I was forgiving and had a big heart but to be played with like I was for so many long years and didn’t know it was abuse I should of knew better growing up in a abusive home . He never hit me or else I think I would of left !!! I always said no one will enter hit me or my children !! But he was metal and I have low self esteem already and he just made it worse . I have so much mixed emotions cried so many tears!!! To find out he truly is incapable of love and used me to benefit him that’s the hard part. I gave my heart my soul my everything to him and he took everything away from me. But I’m gaining it back and anybody out there can do the same in so many ways I actually feel sorry for him cuz he will never have what I had or have that’s a heart for others and love for many thanks need all the prayers just to stay strong support my children move on with my life and be the best that I can be and hopefully find true love one day thanks sorry so long!!!!😊❤

  5. HG Tutor,

    Advocating no contact is not dealing with the problem.

    Stalkers are real! What then is a possibility once the stalking don’t get the wanted response or actions intended?

    Call the Law? File charges and protection orders and things of that nature?

    What then? Violence? Vandalism? Hired guards? Relocation?

    I could probably go on and on, but won’t.

    My point is strength can be drawn from within oneself to start the process of change.

  6. Thank you for your kind words. My apologies for the “loose tongue” but in the same regard. There really isn’t any words that can replace the message those choice words convey. I thank you again and those 10 commandments laid down that very easily describe and explain the Narcissist mentality and motive to feed their EGO. Actually am quite ticked off on this fact. Those people literally break someone to their core and those ones that are broken may never find the strength to overcome it. I cry thinking of the pain my soul feels by just reading some of these replys. God willing that they do muster the will power to start pulling themselves up and brushing themselves off. I pray for the victims aswell as the narcissist.

    God Bless and Have a Great day.

  7. Yeshua,

    You my friend are lost and in need of proper teaching and guidance. You friend have a EGOTISTICAL bone to pick with YOURSELF. I personally cannot tell you the answers because it is NOT my place to do so, but I give you my word I do know who can.

    These “predators” or “Narcissists” literally break someone down inch by inch or piece or layer, however you can understand. Till the “victim” is in a sense brainwashed to believe their BULLSHIT. Never really understanding the damage inflicted on their “loved one.”

    Because EGO is their understanding of The Almighty. EGO is their teacher. Their Universe in sorts.

    BUT my friend the truth is that EGO is in fact a ILLUSION placed by you because you FEAR everything that you don’t understand.
    You as a Narcissist are not human! You are EGO and EGO is not REAL because your humanity has been consumed by EGO.

    So, with that said. Do with it as you wish, and let me inform you wishing won’t defeat EGO.

    Have a Great day and God Bless!

  8. First and foremost I’d like to thank the author for the time and effort it took to write this, Thank You. I hope some of your wounds were healed during and after this writing.

    Now, I have never dated or had any sort of relationship with a Narcissist, but I do have a brother that plays his part as the Narcissist to a tee. I personally have become far more BadAss to even entertain his Words anymore. He thinks and believes he is cunning, smart, forceful, and 100% correct on everything he says. This I can only feel sadness for him. Not empathy, not sympathy, not compassion, not humility, not understanding, not remorse for how I feel either. His Reality is a figment of his dilution of reality. There is nobody to blame other then himself. I used to be sympathetic and try to get him to realize the he isn’t God. Only when he wants something he will try in his best understanding to sweet talk me into giving what he wants or thinks he needs. Haha nope I’m done. He is 32 years old now and he is REAL close to me kicking his ASS. Trust me I know what you all are gonna say. Violence never fixes anything! I 100% agree with this full heartedly. However this waste of space and air needs to get the FUCK out of my parents house. For real… I do love my brother and believe with God’s help he can be the Man I know is there, and not the god he thinks he is.
    He has 4 children that need their father and not the narcissistic, racist, free loading, abusive bully that in his own mind believes the WORLD populis owes him everything and should worship his SHIT… I have the cure for him and all it amounts to is TWO simple words that will change his life. I also believe if any of you people’s experience is anything like mine with my Narcissist then they can be cured also.

    FAITH-IN A POWER GREATER THEN YOURSELF AS YOU UNDERSTAND IT.

    ACCEPTANCE-this simple word applies to virtually everything. This one word holds all the POWER!

    Once these two words become part of their lives and even yours. Will awaken your SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTENMENT and with this REBIRTH you will truly be self aware of your SOUL and begin to connect the mind, body, soul, heart, spirit, conscious, sub-conscious, and your connection to He who is Him. Once this happens you no longer have to fear the unknown or allow yourself to be effected by people such as “the Narcissist” ever again…

    Because you will finally know EXACTLY who you are and knowledge of that fact is invincible to everything that God, or your understanding of such, hasn’t put there for you. The fact remains that WE ALL we created in His image and Therefore WE ALL are God-Like beings that have been given this EARTH and beyond for us to “MAKE OUR BITCH” no offense intended Ladies.

    My message to all those NARCISSISTS out there that get the PRIVILEGE to read this writing.

    YOU ARE NOT EVERYTHING AND YOU ARE NOT A GOD!

    YOUR EGO HAS CONSUMED YOUR HUMAN ESSENCE AND I AM MUCH GREATER THEN YOU EVER WILL BE. I WILL TREAT EVERYONE I CROSS PATHS WITH LIKE A WEAK, SCARED, PUNNY, SHELL OF A HUMAN BEING YOU WISH WAS IN SIGHT.

    You will not plague this world much longer for your EGO will not save you from this world.

    Remember this message everybody because you just went to school and your teacher was

    THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER YOU WILL EVER MEET!

    I am a God fearing Man who was created in His image and He is my Mentor and He is always with me.

    1. Hello TheOneChosen, thank you for your comment and your kind wishes. You are of course welcome to share your opinion of what has worked for you and that is fair enough, but I would advocate no contact as a more effective methodology alongside gaining understanding to enable someone to address their entanglement with our kind, but thank you for sharing your experience.

  9. You ARE all Fake ! Why do You think that You are better as a narc? Everybody needs attachment , Feelings and Sex! Your hypocrit nature says You that sucking You is psycopathic behavour; and what is IF You ARE looking always to somebody to Satisfaktion of emotiv and sexual needs? Aren’t You nac??? Don’t Lie YOURSELVES !!! You ARE all Egoist animals!!! Have a fucking honest Day ! Of course, if You can!!!

  10. Thank you so much. This is spot on. I am in the final stages of my very nasty divorce from my narc. It has been the most exhausting horrific experience of my life. He places blame on me for everything, even his own messed up thoughts turned into something i did wrong. I fought so hard to get the majority of the parenting time with our kids which i succeeded. Its comforting reading articles like this knowing that i am not going crazym

  11. Wow. This is eye opening and scary all at the same time. Recently divorced from my ex malignant narcissist but share 3 children.

    How do I protect myself from his hoovering now? He constantly tries to knock me off my game.

    1. 1. Read Black Hole, No Contact, Fuel and Smeared to begin with.
      2. If you want specific assistance with your situation Jenn, I recommend you organise a personal consultation.

    2. Jenn we are in the same situation. I have 2 weeks until my divorce is final and have 3 children. I have made 2 rules in my new house that are nonnegotible with my kids

      1. What happens at either my house (or his house) stays there unless they are being hurt, mistreated or in danger. Mine are old enough to know the difference.

      And

      2. He is absolutely under no circumstances allowed in my house unless i am there.

      I am trying to draw boundaries for myself and the kids and limiting his contact to solely about the kids.

  12. This was so on point… Thank you for writing this. Does anyone here know the average time it takes for NPD’S to leave their targets alone after instituting No Contact?

    1. 3.25 months. I’m teasing. They always resurface. I had one that would go away for 6 months (“to give me time to cool off”), and then like clockwork, he’d reappear. Do not be fooled by distance either. I have ones who are countries away and yet never fail to pop back up.

      1. Thankfully ex monster has not tried to get a hold of me after I went no contact a year ago, but 3 or 4 weeks ago his mom texted me asking how I was even though I was in shock i had to fight myself from losing it because i broke out laughing due to wondering what the heck did she want and then I remembered what I learned from reading that they send flying monkeys n by the time I realized two days went by n i didn’t text her back thank God.

  13. This is the best description I have seen of the severe NPD. I should know, I was “married” to one for 10 years, and she took a lot more than that out of my life.

  14. The narcissistic-abusers in my life have NEVER left me alone, even when I begged them to kill me, in order that they would not torture me anymore….They are, not only, walking-devils…; they are killers(NO EXAGGERATION), pure and simple….

    1. Absolutely, they are killers. Told my best friend today that he would have killed me if I had not got away from him. Thankful every single day that she stood by me for the horrible 2 1/2 years of the monster.

    2. Nah. They’re just easy to be used by the actual evils you don’t really see or believe perhaps are behind all of this. Realize your role…it’s a dance of sorts. You’ll only repeat this pattern forever if you don’t get help from your attachment trauma. Both the narcissist and co-dependent stem from the same childhood trauma. But one went with one coping mechanism and you decided to be ill in another direction..,attracting narcissistic personality types until you get to the root of why. Focus on your role in all of this.

  15. HG, what do you all think we do when we’re not with you? As appliances, is the idea that we cease to function until we’re with you again? I’m an IPSS, often not with him. I do plenty with my other friends. He’s clearly jealous, but does he really think I sit home and simply wait for him? Do you believe/expect that of your secondaries?

    1. Whatever it is you do, we are too busy focusing on ourselves and our needs Stephanie. Some of our kind will think you sit in a box waiting to be activated, others of us realise you have other things to do but that does not matter, you are our appliance and when we want you, you should function.

  16. Highly therapeutic read. This one also hit home, especially #1-10. All so true. Also made me realize that you and your kind HG, are always on the prowl, on lookout for fuel, always pressing; planning, processing and holding numerous chess moves in your head.
    RE: #9, 10; HG, if you did want to change, you could change and you did change, you would not “need” or be dependent on fuel and you would be free. Why is that not appealing to you?

  17. “We are omnipotent” yet you’re always wounded over nothing.
    “We are superior” yet you need supply or else you die

    Yes I recognize all of what you wrote, I acknowledge it, I take it into consideration. Do you? Do you see yourself how you contradict your own belief? Not taking a jab, genuine question.

      1. Ok. But if you know this then for the love of dog how can you still see yourself as omnipotent?
        Except you HG. You’re in therapy now so I’m guessing the other shoe is dropping. I hope so, for you that Is?
        Have you considerd cold therapy? Or does the thought of re-traumatizing make you cringe?

        1. Because one has to be that way in order to survive and the outcome of my machinations evidences that that is the case.
          Nobody is causing trauma to me.
          The deconstruction of the construct and the re-construction thereafter in order to apply my considerable abilities towards more pro-social outcomes is the stated aim.

      2. My mother is a narcissist, among a couple of exes (narcissism is all I have ever known). I believe, after watching the narcissist’s behaviour for 37 years that narcissism is a full blown form of multiple personality disorder, with a very dominant grandiose persona that protects some of the narcissist’s kinder inner parts of self. The grandiose persona tries to protect a monster inside, and also the kinder parts of narcissist who sometimes show likeness to empathy. However, this grandiose almost always stops some of the kinder inner children from proceeding, by putting up a wall in an effort to protect them. Hence all of the contradictions. I have literally watched my narcissist’s switch personalities right in front of me over and over again.

    1. Lol. Only God is omnipotent/omnipresent. Lol. Not even satan is omnipotent/omnipresent. Lol. They’re actually not that clever, narcissists. They’ll really fall apart if you can be aware of what to base reality and your own self worth from. Which is God…Who is Omnipotent and Omnipresent. My narcissist is still able to get empathy from me but I just am exercising BOUNDARIES. While choosing to do who I’m only being distracted from as is enemy tactics (the unseen forces) not the narcissist, which is to focus and love God first. Relationships/marriage aren’t actually the wisest decision. Marriage as a rule of thumb is good but only if you’re aware that it’s only able to last based on God’s design for it. Divorce is not an option as we’ve now decided it is. Love is a decision, not a feeling.

  18. I saw him today for the first time in almost a year. I had refused his requests to see me during his hoovers. All had been peaceful for the last 2 months. No calls, no begging. Today I strolled with my friend, enjoying the sunshine, having a lively conversation and laughing. He came up to me from out of the blue. He was with a friend. Casual and cool. Asking for a hug. I refused. I wanted to run. What was probably only a couple minutes felt like an eternity. Afterwards, I was overcome with emotion. My friend soothed me with a profound statement, “how empty of him to be so cool and callous. Unconcerned of the deep emotions you’ve had for him. He has no depth to give you that respectful distance … To not bother you and flood your system once again with those emotions you have attempted to release.” How empty of him indeed.

    1. Have any of your exes ever not want to see you? Did they look as if they wanted to run when you’ve encountered them? Knowing the games your kind plays, I am sure there is no such thing as ‘chance’ encounters. Everything you do is premeditated, right?

    2. Hi Love,
      I’m sorry to hear that he resurfaced and caught you off guard. How are doing now? Just when you can enjoy the sunshine and peace they pop up.
      You are soooo strong to refuse that hug.
      I’m so proud of you. I think I would have been paralyzed.

      1. Thank you Snow. I know he did it on purpose. He is crafty enough to show himself when he wants to be seen. I received no ‘pity me’ calls from for Valentine’s day so I’m sure he is well set in a relationship. It is audacious of him to be so casual with me. I told him from the moment of discard that I would never be his ‘friend’. Which is essentially getting something for nothing. I received no birthday, Christmas, or Valentine’s gift. He has not earned my hug.

        1. He will never deserve one again from you Love!!!!
          You are tooo good for him ❤️🍎❤️

          1. Awwww. Thank you Snow. ❤ I’m lucky to have met such wonderful people such as yourself here!

    3. Love
      Glad you have supportive friends! So often deep down we doubt ourselves. Having someone else sum up the situation like that can make a real difference in our confidence and determination. ❤️

    4. That was only an attempt and an act. He’s aware of his actions and he wants to pretend as if you leaving didn’t phase him much. But he’s aware you escaped and has the ability to cause that reaction. Glad you rejected his attempts but don’t believe it wasn’t an attempt for more narcissistic supply. He probably will have difficulty finding another one for a while because he can only be “outside” insert name here] for a short time. He has no ability to fake nice long so once it comes out and the supply doesn’t bail, he ups the ante. This can continue for an entire lifetime and marriage if he finds the perfect supply. I know your traumatized. My narcissist is still believing he’s got me. I’m pretty much not the typical co-dependent. I’m only alive and with an even stronger and powerful mind by the grace of The God I serve. I nearly died, my car nearly died, not just once. And I’m the best supply because I’m “mentally ill” therefore not deemed as credible or acceptable to society so I’m already isolated and he’s only used my illness info I disclosed against me not understanding that he can’t really only do more than “f*ck his own mind cuz I base my reality of of The Word of God and He’s why I’m probably the only one who’s mind got stronger, not weaker and I’m not scared one bit really. I’m aware I’m a co-dependent, my mother is a narcissist and so is his mother. I’m also still able to have empathy for him. He’s sick, too and has deep shame that he has to try to escape from himself and sadly, has been this person since a child. God bless you. I hope you get help for your co-dependency issues or you’ll keep attracting the same people in your life to mimic the attachment trauma from your narcissist parent.

      1. Teresa
        i like what you wrote
        and the big factor reamains :
        Narcissists needs us to survive !
        So perhaps as empaths, we can go , because we can, to an extra mile to stick it out and try to improve their dinamic by God’ s grace…
        YESSSSSSS…

  19. That is the best definition of a narcissist sociopath on the entire world wide web! Brilliant writing. I am very curious as to how many years it is that you been in therapy….

      1. This is indeed brilliant. My father is a narc and this chilled me as it describes him so perfectly. I have been in therapy for over two years and I have no plans of stopping any time soon.

        Thank you for authoring this!

    1. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not the exact same as a socio or psychopath. But slightly one under that level. Narcissist does actually have deep shame/has some ability for empathy although very minimal and usually for only one person or creature. But really I have empathy for the narcissists as well. They suffered worse attachment trauma than us co-dependents did from our narcissistic (most likely mothers but could be fathers). But regardless, just don’t linger in this whole discovery. Focus on why you attract narcissistsic or sociopathic types. Focus on NO dating until you recover from co-dependency.

      1. I’m sorry but Narcissists do not have empathy and my ex did not have any attachment trauma. These are just ways to excuse their. behaviors

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