All In The Eyes

ALL IN THE

The eyes are one of our powerful weapons. I hear so many comments made about my eyes.
“I saw the world in your eyes.”
“Everything I ever wished for, I could see in your eyes.”
“I’ve never known anyone give much such a malevolent stare.”
“You are dead behind the eyes.”
“That hollow look you give me, chills me inside.”
“Your reptilian, empty stare always unnerved me.”
When we first engage with you, we are able to reflect back at you want you desperately want. Hope, optimism, desire and trust are all mirrored in our eyes. Do not be mistaken and think that we generate those looks. We do not. All we are doing is ensuring that you see what you want to see in order to ensnare you. This mirroring serves two purposes. Firstly, it shows you what you crave for and makes us all the more attractive to you. Secondly, it masks the empty void that truly exists. Whilst my kind and me learn how to behave and act, we mimic the way in which we are expected to respond in the most favourable manner, we do not truly feel any of those things and we cannot generate it in our eyes. Everything else we are able to simulate – the laugh, the smile, the look of surprise, the intonation of elation in our voices. We have carefully crafted these facsimiles of your emotions but managing to do so in our eyes has always eluded us. We cannot fall at the first hurdle however and have you see through our charade. Accordingly, we have managed to master the mirroring technique. You want that love and hope so badly you will see it in us when you are really just seeing yourself. We hold your gaze for longer than anyone else. You are conned into thinking this just demonstrating the intensity of our desire for you. It is not. We must look directly into your eyes to shine back at you that which you send towards us. Should we look way, the reflection may fail and we must always have you in our eye.
As with all of our pretence we are unable to maintain this deceit for long. The mirror breaks and the shards of reflection fall away leaving the chasm of emotionlessness behind. The barren hinterland beyond our eyes is all that is left, bereft of anything at all. That is why in the later stages you will see nothing when you look at us. We cannot generate those real emotions and our mirror has now failed. Our real gaze is all that is left, cold, empty and lifeless. People often remark about how the eyes are the window to the soul. Our soul left long ago and that is why you look into dead, uncaring eyes. Even though our mouth is upturned in a smile, the crows feet at the sides crease and the brow rises, our eyes betray us. Glacial and sterile they show the reality of what we are; devoid of positive emotion and spiritually bankrupt.
All that we are able to muster is hatred. Our loathing of this unjust world is so intense that it will break through when we wish to direct that hatred against you. That is when the emptiness vanishes and instead you are subjected to our laser-like, pinpoint accurate malevolent stare. I mentioned in the recollection about the cookie jar, how I had practised my withering stare one summer. This is the precursor to our malice, our antipathy and our scorn. With consummate ease we will call on it to intimidate you and signal our contempt for you. It is powerful, unwavering and unsettling. To be on the receiving end of our hateful stare is not a pleasant experience. We muster such power with our eyes, to seduce you and then to break you, but the reality is that we only have three settings. The mirror, the void and the hatred. There is nothing else. That is all that our eyes have.

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24 thoughts on “All In The Eyes”

  1. HG, i believe there is more than the mirror, the void, and the hatred in the eyes, post-seduction. When you are alone, there are many things you enjoy doing, like writing and reading, and many things you appreciate, like a beautiful sunset. I’m sure your eyes show something other than these 3 settings during such times.

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  2. The stare of hate is uncanny. Mine gave me that stare in the presence of my family recently. It was paired with a smile, so they had no clue. I knew though.
    Sick and twisted stuff.

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    1. That look I know well. It’s combined with a feeling of disgust behind it as well. Spine tingling and blazing.

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      1. I have to remind myself that I met ‘my narc’ when I was very young. And I was so young, blamed myself for everything as it was and so when he went from his beaming smile to one day, launching the look of such hatred and disgust, that I stayed up all night and was deeply disturbed, that if this experience is troubling and painful and difficult as an adult, imagine being 14 or 15 on the receiving end of this experience of beaming smile to utter hatred? I am still marveling at the reality that that experience, actually changed my life without me even realizing how deeply. Not only did I wait for the one with the beaming smile to come back, the profound confusion of who the other one was, but I think I developed some deep fears from that experience and didn’t realize it was from an EXPERIENCE and the fears were not me. I thought the fears were me but I am now almost seeing that I had no understanding for that experience and so I internalized it and it set the sad tone for many of my relationships and dynamics with other people to come. How sad could that be?! I feel like it can’t almost not be true, but when I look at this pone particular perspective I have of life, I am getting closer and closer to believing that it all folds right back to the same narc who did this to me as a young person AND as an adult. Phew, what lessons.

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      2. I understand and can relate to such pain from past experiences. Abuse early in life can form our outlook if it corrupts our vision. But the lesson of opening our eyes to the stain, even if it’s later, gives us the power to cleanse it. I think, quite possibly, this is where love resides to help us. Have you found it?

        A painful lesson but beautifully designed to help us grow. Sometimes it can feel like some grand design.

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  3. Those blank eyes it like looking at a blank black canvass. He was showing me some old pics I asked why did he look dazed and zoned out. I told him I could usually read a person by their eyes 😊 him ” I didn’t have my glasses on, I could not see damn” . Sometimes, I feel pity for them.

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  4. Interesting..
    His eyes were cold and dead and he admired my eyes and commented on them a lot. I had a spark and glow he said. Today they are not sparkly because he took that away from me aside from everything else. He was envious of my ability to love just through looking at him. I truly am appalled by his cold stare .. no true feelings and his empty grandiose lifestyle. So sad today … 😔

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    1. I feel you Broken, but never forget the warmth of the love you know you have. The spark can never fade. Sometimes that’s all you need.

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      1. Thank you KDB!!! … you made me cry again but because I needed to hear your kind words. Big hug from me ..

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    2. When the Narc was actively destroying someone who did help me later on, I was watching the IG pics he was posting. There was one of them where he was surrounded by people she used to be included with socially. He was with about 4 people, one the most important one he had smeared about her and got to turn completely against her. He was looking straight at the camera. They are all laughing and having fun but he is looking straight at the camera and I might be imaginging it but his look was piercing and it said, “i got them all, I will kill you, these are my people and you are forever banned because I have control of them all” It was a look that was full of such conscious intent. Piercing, deligerate, calculated and full of contempt, hate, pure evil behind his eyes. His agenda was all in his eyes about how evil and how far he would go to ruin that poor woman (a friend who had outed his life).

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    3. Totally relate Broken … Story very similar … Strong day for me today… Best wishes for rest and healing and a better day for you tomorrow… x x

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    1. Curious .. what did you mean with fangirl here?
      And.. all those who come after us will get treated the same way .. never forget that! Cold as ice ..

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    2. I prefer to be a fan of HG’s he’s and IOS than stalk my ex fb page. Continuing self inflicted pain must feel worse hence your misery.

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      1. Entertainment.. you lost me? Who is stalking fb? Not me… logged out for a year and that was such a relief 😏

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      2. Broken,

        I was responding to the following comment:

        THIS was my ex exactly. And still dumb girls commenting on his fb stupid shit like “Still with the soulful eyes…”
        Kinda like the fangirl comments I keep seeing here.

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      3. Ha ha sorry for being stupid! Trying to follow a conference call at the same time is not to recommend! You are so right… that was something I did right away.. without reading it here.. deleted all evidence of any connection to the N, deleted all memories and deactivated all social media, games, social apps and went on a burning ritual. Unfortunately the post T started and it took a while to heal despite all the measures taken.
        So for all those who are still stalking please stop because it does help the healing process… I can not imagine where I would be today if I kept that link.
        Cheers

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      4. Lol, you are far from stupid. We have all done me more than I would like to admit. His last hoover caused me to fall off the wagon.😊I didn’t go to fb, but I went to his website also read and article written about him in his local newspaper. It took everything in me not to send author his emails and pics. Recently, I came out a sticker of smiling devil was place on my car. I am worse responding while driving. Enjoy your day.

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      5. N never Hoovered me but sent strange emails as response to mine… I did not give up trying to communicate so that was my stupidity 😳 Now 18 days NC and this time it will last. I don’t expect Hoover but he still have items that are mine. I said keep them …. in order for me to let go.
        so I guess this is it!
        Only one way to go now and that is forward and never look back.
        😏

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      6. B,
        I don’t want to call you broken. We all may have dents but definitely not broken. 18 days no contact, congrats, once we get what and who they are deep down in the core of our soul it becomes easier.

        It’s hard to fathom that someone would purposely set out to destroy us after given them our souls. We did not know we were dealing with body snatchers.😊Now we know it’s imperative to start healing no one is coming to save us we must save ourselves. Instead of thinking he’s not going to hoover, it would serve you better to prepare for defense for when he does. I think it was NA that mention veiled expectations. Keep reading and hopefully we will see name change and spiritual growth over next few weeks😊

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      7. Thanks Entertainment!
        You are wise and I agree with it all. I am reading and preparing…. and feeling stronger by the day.
        Funniest thing when I read HG books is that first I cry since 70-80% is about my situation, then I get mad and finally I get it!
        The comments on this blog today is cracking me up! Lots of cursing and madness … not usually my cup of tea but I quite enjoy it from a distance. I can feel the energy from strong individuals!
        Thank you for your encouragement and right back at you!!!

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