29 thoughts on “The Heart Hooks No. 8”

  1. Yes.. that happened but I passed on it THANK GOD!!! It was part of the love bombing phase actually .. a daily “I want you to be my wife” … I shot him down hard…

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  2. I dated a man about a year after my husband died, we were suppose to be married. I was in a car accident and told I would never be able to take care of myself. He went to work one day and called me later telling me he decided marriage just wasn’t for him.
    Let’s just say marriage is the one word that will make me walk.
    Brightside, I proved the doctors wrong, I recovered with a few minor obstacles left that I will overcome.

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    1. What amazing courage and will power you have Twilight! I am sorry you had to experience that with him, but it was a blessing to clear him out of your life. One of my ex narcs admitted to me that he left a former lover because she was diagnosed with a disease that would eventually incapacitate her. Of course, I should have left him immediately for that one and only statement of truth… Oh well, Shoulda woulda coulda.
      Like Mr. Tudor says, they play nursemaid to no one. Yet expect all hands on deck in case they chipped a nail.

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      1. Thank you Love, yet I don’t see it as courageous. I was just placed in an unfortunate position and am just tenacious.
        Courageous are the men and women who put their lives on the line to keep our way of life intact. They are the one that deserve the recognition and admiration.

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      2. Lol not tenacious
        I really should not answer when I am at work. Any how I am stubborn, that is all it is. I had to try.

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      1. Lol no I don’t rule. I just made a choice for myself. I just wasn’t going to accept what they said with out trying.
        Yes I have recovered.

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  3. Mine was married already and would not leave his wife for me. He “almost” left her for the last girl (who he told me was a psycho, he smeared her good)…He did say crap like “I imagine what life would be like for us if we got married but it won’t happen. I love you so much though and I want you in any way I can have you.”

    When he discarded me he then told me I was crazy and mentally unhinged, clingy, desperate, obsessed with him. He said “Even if I was able to marry you, I never could have dealt with you like this, the craziness, the desperation…”

    Am I to assume that this is all part of how he operates? I mean I can only wonder what sort to things his wife must deal with if that was a small sampling of what I deal with as his “side dish”.

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    1. .. he almost left his wife for the girl/s on side prior to you? I hope you can get past him because he is clearly not worthy or you Gabrielle. You can move forward, or go around him; and you owe to yourself to not go back. Love

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      1. Amsodone,
        At this point I have no idea what to believe. The shit he would say to me was all over the place. In the beginning he shared his story of how he had 3 separate one-night stands while married. They were with friends of his but were all meaningless “flings” to him. His wife never knew of them. Then the most recent girl (before me)….started out as a fling but he never thought he would fall in love with her. But he did. Then came his tale of woe of how he “lost his mind” from falling in love and almost left his wife for her. His wife was such a good person and he loves her so much and he does not deserve her but oh he fell in love and almost left her for this other girl. BUT….the other girl what was he thinking? She was a psycho and all of that. He insulted the hell out of her and smeared her good. Then to me he said “YOU are nothing like that….you are a much better person.” Then he compared me to his wife and how we were so much alike, such good people. It’s no wonder he fell in love with me. But how could he have been so blind to fall in love with HER?

        When I asked him what ended up happening with the other girl, why he decided to not leave his wife for her, what did she do that was so psycho, I did not really get an explanation. He just said that his affair was discovered by someone in his town. “Someone saw us out and about together, and took video and pictures and began blackmailing me. I never found out who it was. But they told me that I needed to confess my affair to her or else they would. So I confessed everything. And it hurt her so much but she stayed with me and we worked everything out. Oh I do not deserve her but she gave me another chance…and now here I am with you….oh I cannot leave my wife, I will die if I leave her. But what I have with YOU is real. I love you and you are so important to me….”

        Does your head hurt from that yet?

        They all lie right? I seriously wonder how much of this story was just one big lie. I mean not the fact that he’s continuously helped himself to as many side dishes as possible but the sob stories surrounding such and how he was caught and when he was caught he “came to his senses”. Until I came along. He’s continuing on with the next person now I am sure, telling them how I am psycho and all of that isn’t he?

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      2. I would want to know who all knew you were at the site to have been photographed? Sounds like a narc move to me, although I could be wrong. If you confused to his wife (he didn’t have to) and might have gotten you out of picture (well for awhile cause they always come back). Just a thought, not trying to bring you down. Stay strong, you deserve better than on the side.

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    2. I had the same experience. Simply, you didn’t fall for the game as hard as his wife who he married for her pre-existing vulnerability and complete ignorance or his condition. Over time she lives in a deluded reality, walking on eggshells and lying to her own soul. They share a pathology and we are lucky to escape.

      In the long run, we did not do not lie to ourselves. Praise the lord and sing hallelujah.

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  4. My ex didn’t say this specifically but said other things that should have been flags, like how he dreamt of the day he could properly keep me. When he proposed my stomach dropped with dread and my first thought was, “It’s all over.” Who thinks that? Why would anyone think that? So I ignored it. Only now, going through a painful divorce and with years of sad memories, I realize that back then my intuition was trying to warn me. It was all over the moment I agreed to be bound to him. Thank God that at least there are no kids.

    HG I originally came here seeking answers about someone else, and it’s been hard to grasp that my ex might have had some of these traits as well. Thank you for covering such a broad spectrum of types and manipulation styles/tactics.

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