The Heart Hooks – No 14

I WANT TOKNOWEVERYTHINGTHERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT YOU

This is a common comment made by our kind at the outset of our seduction of an individual that we wish to ensnare in a romantic dynamic with a view to making this person our Intimate Partner Primary Source.

The intent of such a comment is to make it appear that we find anything and everything about you absolutely fascinating and wonderful. From your evident skill because you speak three languages to the fact that you can quote from episodes of the Big Bang Theory. Whatever facet of your life it involves, we offer the pretence that we are interested in order to make you feel wanted by us. By apparently appearing delighted by both the significant and trivial when it applies to you, we create an idea that you have met somebody who wants the complete you, warts and all, the magnificent and the mundane and that we are so transfixed by you that each part of you means something to us.

This phrase encapsulates an impression of utter infatuation with you. A desire to get to know each and every part of you, a total dedication to the concept of you. It will make you feel special, it will make you feel wanted and make you feel that at long last there is someone who is completely interested in you.

If you have been under-appreciated beforehand, ignored or under-valued (and of course we instinctively find those victims who may well have experienced these feelings) then our sudden and dedicated interest in wanting to get to know every part of you feels wonderful.

We are not truly interested in your ability to play the flute, that you are frightened of clowns and you like to eat crisp sandwiches. We only feign an interest to serve our purposes. We tell you that we want to know everything there is to know about you for the following self-serving reasons:-

  1. It makes you feel wanted so you will want us in return and thus become bound to us;
  2. You serve up to us information about yourself which we will then mirror for the purposes of continuing the seduction;
  3. This information will in turn be used against you once devaluation commences;
  4. We want to absorb you into our world. By knowing everything there is to know about you, we feel that we own you and have caused you to merge with us.

Such a heart hook, as with all of them, will be uttered with undue haste, early on in the interaction with our kind as we seek to establish our hold over you.

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11 thoughts on “The Heart Hooks – No 14”

  1. Of course. It drove him nuts when I wouldn’t reveal. I was his challenge. As I’ve said, I have revealed more here than any place else. Boo for that.

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  2. I can claim this one also.
    That’s what he used to say but then he wasn’t really into what I was saying.
    There was a gap, quite substantial, between his words and actions.
    He might have been a mid range, according to your scale.
    He wasn’t as smart as he pretended to be and he was crippled by his own paranoia and childish ambitions.
    He couldn’t make the step from fantasies to reality.
    He seemed to live in a delerium state.
    He claimed to see the past and the future and what I did and what I will do.
    I got tired of his bullshits….that’s what happened….basically…

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    1. Giulia,

      “He might have been a mid range, according to your scale.
      He wasn’t as smart as he pretended to be and he was crippled by his own paranoia and childish ambitions.”

      Were we with the same guy? That sentence describes mine so accurately. From what I have read he seems to be a mid-range as well. It is so creepy and accurate how most of the mid range explanations apply to him.

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  3. Also he used to be amazed at my sincerity. “If I ask you the same thing ten times you give me the same answer ten times: you tell the truth!”
    While I was thinking…wow….I asked you about that woman you had and you gave me two distinct different stories…you can’t even remember the stupid things you make up…
    And I couldn’t say that out loud because he would have exploded into an atomic rage….and it wasn’t worth it at the moment.
    I was gathering information as well….

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    1. I know I replied to your other comment but again, so accurate. Mine used to give different stories ALL THE TIME! And then could not remember what was what when I had follow up questions!

      For example, he is 32 and he told me he lost his virginity at 23 years old. Yet he has been married 8 years! (Wedding pics were on FB date stamped so that was not a lie….but do the math, LOL because he said he has had “30 sexual partners”…..By that logic he’d basically been cheating on his wife the entire time they were married. BUT….another story was he cheated on his wife with 4 partners since they were married. So subtracting the wife, where did the other 21 people come from? Something tells me he’s bedded more than 30! Then later on “I thought you lost your virginity at 23?” Him: “Oh did I say that? Maybe it was 21?” Still 30 people? Over 9 years?

      Oh and my personal favorite, “My ex is psycho and we never speak…”
      Later on, “We still keep in touch once or twice a year. I have a life debt with her that I will be there for her when she needs me”…

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  4. Yep, yep and yep! 1,000 times yep!

    Do Narcs sometimes refer to you in the 3rd person? Mine would say shit like….”How is Gabrielle doing today?” and so on….

    And yes, in the beginning he wanted to know everything there was to know. And yeah, he soon knew everything. From the boy who agreed to go on a date with me in 7th grade and then stood me up at the mall while other classmates were there as part of the joke and pointed and laughed at me to the issues I had with my parents when I was a child (mentally ill mother) and so on and everything else. And every other specific detail of everything else of how I was hurt in the past. Most notably right down to this anxious thing I had when people would say “talk to you soon!” in a taunting type of voice and then stop talking to me. He feigned interest in all of it.

    And surely, soon enough at the tail end of things I had it thrown back at me in the following ways:

    “I am telling you that it is over between us. And I expect you to accept that and act like an adult, not a 7th grader…”

    “Have you considered therapy? Medication? They say mental illness runs in the family you know. How can you say I never loved you? I put up with you and your red flags of crazy early on. Why would I have done that if I did not care? If I did not care I never would have stuck around!”

    And on and on.

    Oh and the last words he ever spoke/texted/typed to me:

    “Talk to you soon!” with a smiley face at the end of it. And he has not talked to me since.

    🙁

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  5. Yes. The mind palace wing with our name on it. Piece us all together then be giddy with excitement over how much information is going to be used to rip out our heart and step on it. Then they wonder why we don’t trust anyone.

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