Obsessed

obsessed

 

I want you to be happy. I am so in love with you. You are everything that I have ever wanted, you are like a dream come true, my soul mate, my other half, you complete me. You have no idea just what you do to me. I just want to love you like nobody else ever has. Yes, I am obsessed with you. I want to merge with you and become one. I am not just obsessed with you but with everything about you and most of all your happiness. I just want to ensure that someone as brilliant as you, someone as wonderful as you, someone as marvellous as you is made to feel special. You deserve that. I know. I know something, or rather somebody has hurt you before. I know you do not want to talk about it. That is absolutely fine. You do not have to talk about it with me. You see, I can tell. I have a sixth sense if you will for knowing about these things. It is just the way I am and let me tell you that you should feel no shame for that. You should not be upset that you have been hurt because I am going to put an end to the hurt. I am always going to look after you, help you, hold you and comfort you. No matter what the world throws at us, throws at you, I will be by your side. I want to keep all the malice and bad things in this world away from someone as special and as perfect as you. I regard that as my calling. I was sent to look after you. It is true. It was not just chance that brought you and me together, not at all. I was sent to make you happy. It has been decided that what happened in the past will stay in the past and instead I have come to bring you happiness, great glorious golden happiness. I will not rest in my desire to see you happy at all times. When you are happy, I am happy. My happiness is conditional on yours, that is just the way I am. No matter what happens, I will not give up on you. I will ensure that everything is great again. I give you my word. I am totally committed to achieving your happiness. I will do anything in the world to see you smile, to see your eyes light up and to know that you feel wonderful. You are an amazing person and you, more than anyone else in the world, deserves happiness. I know how to provide it you and if that means that you think that I am obsessed with achieving it then so be it, but it is a noble aim. It is a good and laudable endeavour to ensure your happiness. I will aim each and every day, without hesitation, without reluctance and without restraint to deliver this for you. I want to do this for you, I want to do this for us. You are the most important person in the world to me. You have made me feel so special being with me and I always want that feeling to continue, now and forever. I want to give that to you in return for all the scintillating things you give to me. I am truly blessed to have coupled with you and no matter how difficult things might become, no matter how hard others may make it I will not shirk from achieving your complete and utter happiness. I was born to do this. I am utterly beholden to you and your happiness. This is my obsession. You are my obsession. I am obsessed with you.

A period of time passes.

 

You want me to be happy. You are so in love with me. I am everything that you have ever wanted, I am like a dream come true, your soul mate, your other half, I complete you. I have every idea just what I do to you. You just want to love me like nobody else ever has. Yes, you are obsessed with me. You want to merge with me and become one. You are not just obsessed with me but with everything about me and most of all my happiness. You just want to ensure that someone as brilliant as me, someone as wonderful as me, someone as marvellous as me, is made to feel special. I deserve that. You know. You know something, or rather somebody has hurt me before. You know I do not want to talk about it. That is absolutely fine. I will not have to talk about it with you. You can tell. You have a sixth sense if you will for knowing about these things. It is just the way you are and you tell me that I should feel no shame for that. I should not be upset that I have been hurt because you are going to put an end to the hurt. You will always look after me, help me, hold me and comfort me. No matter what the world throws at us, throws at me, you will be by my side. You want to keep all the malice and bad things in this world away from someone as special and as perfect as me. You regard that as your calling. You were sent to look after me. It is true. It was not just chance that brought you and me together, not at all. You were sent to make me happy. It has been decided that what happened in the past will stay in the past and instead you have come to bring me happiness, great glorious golden happiness. You will not rest in your desire to see me happy at all times. When I am happy, you are happy. Your happiness is conditional on mine, that is just the way you are. No matter what happens, you will not give up on me. You will ensure that everything is great again. You give me your word. You are  totally committed to achieving my happiness. You will do anything in the world to see me smile, to see my eyes light up and to know that I feel wonderful. I am an amazing person and I, more than anyone else in the world, deserves happiness. You know how to provide it me and if that means that I think that you are obsessed with achieving it then so be it, but it is a noble aim. It is a good and laudable endeavour to ensure my happiness. You will aim each and every day, without hesitation, without reluctance and without restraint to deliver this for me. You want to do this for me, you want to do this for us. I am the most important person in the world to you. I have made you feel so special being with you and you always want that feeling to continue, now and forever. You want to give that to me in return for all the scintillating things I give to me. You are truly blessed to have coupled with me and no matter how difficult things might become, no matter how hard others may make it you will not shirk from achieving my complete and utter happiness. You were born to do this. You are utterly beholden to me and my happiness. This is your obsession. I am your obsession. You are obsessed with me.

Think I am the only one who engages in mirroring?

Think again.

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56 thoughts on “Obsessed”

  1. Can one prevent a final discard from being carried out ? Are there things that can be done to turn the initial obsession around and back to a shevlved IP ? Let’s say hypothetically we’re dealing with a mid ranger with a secondary IP waiting in the wings ? All shiny and new ?

    I know I’ll get horrified responses for asking this question at all .

    But I’m just curious …. other than being in on the narcs radar ? What would draw his attention away from the new object du jour ? Thanks HG 🙂

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    1. Hello Shantily, re Final Discard please see the article of the same name.
      Is your hypothesis based on a MR Narcissist with a shelved IPSS who wants to be removed from the shelf? Presumably the narcissist has an IPPS and what stage are they in?

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    2. Why would anyone need your kind once they know the drill of these assclowns.I have probably dated and unfortunately married 1 yes dated 20 Ns.The covert kind are hard to spot at first.Now I am not on a narc radar because I upleveled self partneted with myself and dont want or need your kind to play games with.I mindfully date healthy adults not self absorbed calculating manipulative jackasses.Last summer I was love bombed by your kind a Hells Angel from Oakland sending me flowers telling me he was now a Christian and lived for the Lord and listened to Joel Olsteen like I did.He told me to pick out engagement rings very fast and asked if my Mercedes was paid off.Red flags what scammers and con artists you are.He told me he loved me 3x a day and would always be there for me.I finally called him when I needed something and he had disconnected his phone vanished into thin air.I dont need someone outside myself to validate me anyways I love myself and know its fools gold when your kind pursue me so fast and hard and promise the world with your words that never match your actions.I take 2 years to carefully observe someones actions and I control the pace of the relationship.I also expose your kinds fake ass souls so other women are warned.Your kinds words mean nothing but low energy low investment bsh#/!.If it walks like a duck and talks like a swan its a narcissist. Dont need no jewels in my crown anyway and your kind are anything but jewels .Surely the devil looks after his own.Every time one of your kind tries to pull a fast one on me I say yea and monkeys might fly out of my butt.Dont be fooled by these morons.

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  2. I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s told me “you are obsessed with me”. I was told he is projecting. He’s actually the one obsessed with me. Aka: my fuel. 🙁

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  3. This blew my mind. I was barely interested in him in the beginning. He’s an average joe for looks, with a nice career. If someone had pointed him out and said you will become obsessed with this man, I would have laughed and laughed and laughed. As a matter of fact, I laugh just writing this. Joke was on me in the beginning. I just had no idea. Thank you HG.

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  4. But you trick us bc ours is real and yours isn’t. Or is it? You kinda flipped things there…
    See … this is why i can’t win with you. (Your kind)
    I’m already exhausted.
    🙂
    Calling the normals!…. where are you! Come out come out …wherever you are!

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  5. But you trick us bc ours is real and yours isn’t. Or is it? You kinda flipped things there…
    See … this is why i can’t win with you. (Your kind)
    I’m already exhausted.
    🙂
    Calling the normals!…. where are you! Come out come out …wherever you are!

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  6. Surely I was obsessed in him…. or was it me? I saw me in him, the lonely child which needed some love and appreciation, the child with some insecurities and some wounds. I gave him my love, which I wanted for my “inner child.” It was selfish- I ignored the red flags- because he gave me, what I could not say to myself: “you are lovable.” If I am honest, it was some kind of deal. I was infatuated in his lovely words. Was I infatuated in him? I am not sure about that any more. I know that there was a great sympathy for him in all the years that I have known him before we became a couple. (More than ten years).I only looked at the surface. When I came closer to him, the sympathy faded. He was not the man of my projected dreams. And that “disappointment” started long before he devaluated me. We did not have the same values and the same aims. Reality was hard to accept and that was before all the mean things started!

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  7. HG,
    When did you start consciously mirroring others?
    Yes, we do do this as well. There are articles in Cosmo and other pop mags that talk about using it on dates(how lovely!)–(i.e. mimicking leans and postures). And, …..bum bum bum….it works. No surprise to narcissists 😉

    I think the comment above that caught my eye was “My happiness is conditional on yours”. We used to value this statement years ago with comments such as “How sweet of him”, now we talk in terms of unconditional love and such. But, honestly, how unconditional can we biased humans be? It’s an ideal and healthy perspective, though it is hard to reach and how realistic? Many of us let our emotions be controlled by or conditional to another’s response….and this is the birth of co-dependence. I have had to unlearn so much…still working on it!

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      1. Did you learn in explicitly (like in a psych class) or on your own you discovered its effects?

        I learned in college as well. I used it consciously more recently in my life. Mainly for good, though I did use it in my past relationship to give him a taste of his medicine. Yeah, it wasn’t helpful.

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      2. On my own. Post university following the revelations as to what I was it became part of my delving deeper and honing my craft.

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  8. Like the others said, the narcs is temporary or just flat out fake. Ours (Empaths) is not. Like your devastation of the illusion so eloquently points out:

    “You can manage the shame of being fooled. You take a strange pride in having given your all to such a despicable person because that is the person you are. Honest, decent and a provider of unconditional love. You do not want that to change. You do not want to lose the empathy for which you are renown.”

    I could have loved him forever. Warts and all. But he was killing me slowly, oh so slowly. I never did anything to him to deserve this kind of treatment. He definitely wants everyone to think I’m obsessed and crazy. I’m not.

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    1. Forever. A word used by the narcAllister so carelessly. Forever is such a loaded word. It meant until the day I die and beyond, if there is a beyond, to me. I was promised a life I loved forever. Along with the allegation of being obsessed with him, and the narcAllister’s effective gas-lighting, I just feel forever shamed now. I hate this.

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      1. “I just feel forever shamed now”
        I have seen those words or variations of those words so many times here and every time my heart genuinly goes out to the writer.
        You have nothing to feel shame about.
        You were conned. We all were. You have more strength than you realise. You have to be a strong person to endure that shit and come out of the other side in one piece.
        You also have to be a loving and caring person to endure that shit for however long you did. Remember you were chosen for such traits.
        That’s who you are. Who you really are at your core. And you will be again. But even stronger.
        Keep fighting and moving forward. You are doing great.

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      2. Lovely, heart- felt words there Karen. The only thing that does not resonate is ‘we came out in one piece’. Regretfully, I’m not in one piece. I am on prescription drugs to get me through every day because of the appalling abuse. I worry I will never recover.

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      3. Hi Scout, I understand. I also relate to what you’re saying. Maybe not a good choice of words for everyone.
        You are broken. I appreciate that. But so is a jigsaw. As long as you have all the pieces you can put yourself back together. One piece at a time.
        I doubt any of us will ever be the same for the abuse we have suffered but we sure as hell can fight to put ourselves back together. We won’t be the exact same jigsaw picture but who knows, maybe we’ll be a better picture than we were before we were broken.
        One piece at a time Scout. Slow and steady wins the race ☺

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      4. you CAN recover, from alot in this fucked up life, if you WANT to, WANT being the key 🗝

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  9. Bravo. Point made. The difference is an empath wants real love and genuinely wants their partner to be happy. They won’t build someone up in order to suck the life out of them later.

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    1. Me too findinglife! And if his mirroring was anything to go by I’m a pretty amazing person 🙂 I love this article HG and you’re right, we do mirror. As pointed out by my fellow non narcs though we are doing it in as more genuine and less conscious manner.

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  10. Ok, that was stupefying. The line that separates us is getting thinner and thinner by the post. The dark side beckons, if you want to find me I will be waiting for you at midnight. Neither to right or left, exactly in middle.

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  11. Ha! Ha! A well written observation, Mr. Tudor. The irony of this situation was not lost on me during my so-called relationship with Narcypants.

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  12. HG I have a question for you…. long story short, I recently tried to end things with my narcissist. We were only seeing each other for 10 months. When I was ready to be done and tried to end it he assaulted me and caused property damage to my car. I have an ex parte yet he already violated that ex parte by sending me a long email. Now it seems like he will stop at nothing to try and get my attention by reaching out to anyone he can. He keeps saying he realizes I’m his soul mate and he just wants me back… blah blah blah. My question is will this ever stop?

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    1. The risk will always remain but you can reduce the risk so that the occurrences become much reduced, by staying out of the Spheres of Influence and rising the bar on the Hoover Execution Criteria.

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  13. Hauntingly written post H.G. Read it more than once as it hit home hard. The obsession can be very potent. Reminded me of the many emotions that stir in such a promise. Thank you.

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  14. I understand this but I never felt this way. I’ve been obsessing over my exes at times but not like this, differently.

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  15. Him: i don’t feel happy or sad. What makes you feel happy?

    Me: when i laugh, when i see children playing, when i see you smiling

    Him: wow!

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      1. Giulia, it didn’t scare me at all because he had hinted at it before. I felt bad for him that he can’t feel certain emotions. He says he feels like a robot, but that he’s used to it. I wish i could make things better for him.

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  16. HG, I’m 4 months no contact, he stopped hoovering about 4 weeks ago, had someone message me and stated he won’t be bothering me anymore, and I had about 3 weeks of quietness, and there was nothing from him, and I thought ok he’s finally taken the hint, felt relieved, and now last weak it all started up again, phone calls, messages from his friends, drive by’s, ect, why? Like why? I didn’t contact him or don’t think I came in his sphere of influence. Shouldn’t he have a new primary source by now? Your books have been helpful, and I’ve learned a lot, but he just dont give up, when will it stop? To be honest I would love to mess with his head the way he has mine but know I’m not strong enough to even attempt that.

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  17. Hi Karen. For some reason I can’t ‘like’ your/the posts on here so I’m replying to say thank you for your response. To use the metaphorical term we are jig-saws is apt. As you rightly say, slowly one day at a time. Take care.

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  18. I need help! My narcassict has become completely obsessed again and I fear for my safety. It feels like he will never stop. How do I get him to stop?

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    1. I’m so sorry, ImSoEx, it is a scary place to be. HG has a lot of good advice here. A couple of things when I was stalked that I did:
      Make sure the police know and consider a restraining order. Go completely No Contact and be strict on this. Steer clear of common places he goes and people he knows. Consider staying at a friend or family home if you can for a short period. If your safety is in danger, also consider domestic violence centers as a resource for help and support and safe homes.

      Hoping for your safety~

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  19. Victim TO narc. Narc ABOUT victim. How is this mirroring? Its just stating the obvious…..or am I missing something HG? tia.

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  20. I said it and I meant it with all my heart and soul, but as an empathic normal person, I reluctantly admit that my happiness could never hinge on narc’s happiness, because at some point I will expect his happiness to hinge on mine. Reciprocity in love is something that an empath expects and sadly, oh so sadly, the narc just doesn’t care.

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