Zero Impact

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Zero Impact.

This is the final state that you, as someone who has entangled with one of our kind has to aim for. This is what you ought to achieve in order to secure your freedom from our kind and you should make this your aim when embarking on your recovery and escape from us.

There is no denying that we have a significant effect on the lives of those we ensnare. Whether our victims are social, business, work, the provision of a service, familial and most of all romantic, the consequences of being ensnared one of our kind rarely pass without making a mark of some kind. With numerous victims they do not realise who they are ensnared with and suffer no real ill-effects from this dynamic. Their loyalty and periodic interaction with us means that devaluation does not occur and instead they find themselves entertained by us, recipients of our largesse, donees of our considerable abilities in certain fields.

Of more significant prominence are those people who find that they have been entangled with our kind and the list of effects on those people are wide-ranging and non-exhaustive. From seeing their self-worth eroded, their finances implode, their self-confidence shattered, their physical and mental health damaged, their relationships with other people removed or dented, their capability to engage in critical judgement impaired, the loss of their home, the loss of a job and much more besides the consequence of our targeting of that person – most often in a romantic dynamic – is substantial and wide-reaching. This person mourns the loss of the illusion they were granted for that oh too short period. They fear the re-appearance of our kind. They nurse wounds – both physical and psychological – arising from the abuse they sustained. They are anxious, lonely, nervous and apprehensive. They see our kind all around them. They are wary of engaging with people as a whole and cannot countenance ever becoming involved with another person romantically again.

Some individuals are robust and make better progress as they come out of the other side of their involvement with us. Other people struggle to make any headway at all and indeed all too often become plunged back into the turmoil of the Formal Relationship with us once again, seeing it as the only way to alleviate (if not permanently remove) the pain for a period of time.

Untangling yourself from our grip is a three stage process:-

  1. Understand. You need to know what it is you are dealing with. You need to understand why we do as we do and why we behave as we do with you. You need to understand what made you a target and what continues to make you a target for our kind. Understanding removes fear, it removes anxiety and it removes paralysis. The acquisition of knowledge – the right knowledge – is the foundation stone on which your escape and recovery has to be built.
  2. Counter. Once you know what you are dealing with, you recognise how we operate and you understand why, you can then apply this knowledge to counter us. For many this is the route of no contact. The ultimate way to escape our clutches. For others, for various reasons, no contact cannot be achieved and instead you need to evade, counter and minimise the effect of our manipulations on the occasions when you have to continue to interact with us.
  3. Zero Impact. Once you understand and counter you will then be in a position to ensure that we have zero impact on you. This does not mean you have nothing to do with us (that is part of the counter stage as mentioned above). Zero Impact means that whether you have no contact or whether there is some contact, you end up in a position whereby we no longer have any effect on you.

What does Zero Impact look like?

Zero Impact is not being numb. There are those who are traumatised by their experience with us that they in effect are left in a state of numbness. This is one of the reasons we dis-engage from you. If you can no longer function you are useless to us. You do not provide fuel, you have no character traits of use to us and your residual benefits either reduce or disappear altogether. Numbness does not last forever and once you begin to function again, subject to other considerations, we will be waiting in the wings to swoop once again and continue your torment. Numbness is a temporary but unwanted reprieve, since you are not just numb to us, but to other things also.

Zero Impact is whereby you are unaffected by us. There is no sense of anguish at the mention of our name. You are not perturbed by the prospect of attending a place where we may be also. You feel no anger, no shame, no pain or no longing for us. Your mind set is altered so that you do not experience the negative, you do not identify the worst that can happen or focus on the likely misery you will experience. All of the bad, the bane and the awful which came with our toxic touch is removed, banished and most of all kept at bay. You don that plate armour and no matter what we try to do and no matter what you have experienced in the past, the corrosive effect of our engagement with youΒ will become nullified.

Zero Impact is not shutting yourself down. Zero Impact is not hiding away. Zero Impact is the creation of a state of being whereby knowing how we operate, think and do, you remain ahead of us, beyond our reach in terms of having any consequence for you. Knowing what we think, say and do in order to perpetuate our impact on you means that I am in prime position to explain to you how you are able to address this and turn the situation to your advantage. I know how we aim to continue to impact on you. I know what we need to do and how it is done so that our ill-effects live on. It is not a case of you becoming an automaton, but instead allowing you to remain the person that you are or the person you have recovered back to and bolting-on the armour of Zero Impact which will allow you to progress, to thrive and to be protected.

This is not healing. As I have explained, I am not a healer and there are plenty of others you may turn to if you identify a need to heal from what you have experienced. This is something entirely different. It is not about changing what you are but by adopting that suit of armour to repel our effects, consequences and impact. Zero Impact means shedding the toxic coating we layered you with and replacing it with an impervious shield which will preserve and protect.

That is Zero Impact and allying that with Understanding and Countering, you will achieve freedom. I know how to cause confusion. I know how to cause paralysis. I know how to create long-lasting consequence and by the same token I am able to explain to you how you avoid all of these.

How do you achieve Zero Impact?

That information is on its way.

 

148 thoughts on “Zero Impact

  1. GG says:

    Zero Impact: Unfuckwithable (adj) when you’re truly at peace and in touch with yourself, and nothing anyone says or does bothers you, and no negativity or drama can touch you.

    1. Pam says:

      love it!

  2. Joanne says:

    Yesssssss. This is the epitome of standing up for yourself from the sidelines and staying “woke”.

  3. Lisa says:

    Bring it on!! Looking forward to that one HG. Thanks!! Mark it ‘Attention Lisa’. Lol.

  4. superxena says:

    HG!
    Looking forward to reading more about Zero Impact..!! Is this something related to your next MOAB book?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No Superxena, they are separate endeavours.

      1. superxena says:

        HG…so you have different endeavours:

        1. Zero Impact in form of articles here on your blog? You will talk about
        how the protective shield is constructed AFTER ESCAPE?

        2. A book coming named ” Evade and Stay Away” that will talk about different ways of spotting a narcissist BEFORE getting entangled with one?On the early stages. Preventive measure? This book is connected with your articles : Exposure : How to flush the narcissist

        3. Your MOAB book who will talk about a “third” way for dealing with a narcissist that could be applied both during the entanglement ,post dis-engaged or post escape? As an alternative to No Contact and Revenge Campaign?

        Do you know approximately when your books will be released?

  5. narseeker says:

    Zero impact. I’m ready, intrigued and very much looking forward to reading it. Thank you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Pleasure.

  6. HG-Will you link the additional info to this article once you post it?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes.

      1. Pam says:

        Is it another article HG? Or is it upcoming book?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Book.

  7. sarabella says:

    It’s always ironic to see the ads on posts. Todays: #1 Reason men pull away. How to keep a man hooked, devoted and committed to you for life

    I bet they don’t mention pathology. Narcissism. Game. πŸ™ πŸ™

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I bet they don’t either, good call Sarabella.

  8. Khaleesi says:

    Zero Impact- I’m almost there. So very close. I can’t state enough how much your blog, books, and private email and phone consultations have helped me get to this point.
    It was really hard for a couple of years. During my first conversation with HG, I could hardly speak through my tears.
    It’s much easier now.
    He (Narc) keeps asking me to stop treating him like a stranger and follows up with asking how I can treat him this way after all we’ve been through over the last 5 years. I don’t feel emotionally connected to him anymore. He is basically a stranger that I never really knew. That’s why.
    Thanks again for everything HG. I look forward to reading everything you write.

  9. Victoria says:

    HG,
    I loved reading this article-are you coming out with a book called Zero Impact? By reading this it made me realize that I am not quite there but thank you for giving us an introduction of what things can be like-their is hope after all. You might say you are not our “healer” but with all due respect, to me you have been more of a healer than those who claim they are. Thank you so much for all you due and for this short synopsis of what our future can be like.
    Your the best!!

  10. Giulia says:

    and I have this horrible feeling that if I am compliant with his requests I’m going to be fine. I’ll be at the center of life again while now I feel like I’m an outsider, a castaway.
    No matter all my friends, no matter what I accomplished in my life.
    And I know it’s all wrong and worped, I know that rationally but emotionally that’s how I feel, still.

    1. sarabella says:

      Guilia,

      If I understand you correctly, yes. I experienced this, too. I don’t know what it would take for you to be at the center, if I am understanding you, but I know that what would put me at the center of his life again, well, not the center, but IN it, is if I adopt a certain ‘position’ with him and this mind you, would be all virtual at this point as I will never travel to see him again. But that position is an extremly one down place to him and he would not see it as a choice I might make but as something I would be required to do. Over time, I also realized I could back down to him but if I did, he would actually find a reason to disrespect me for that decision, too. So while it felt like I contained the power to change this, I know, given the game of chess, that all I would be doing was moving into a different position, not changing the game. Its a no win. He would see to that. I would just be trading myself into a new position for providing a different kind of fuel for him.

      And I am abosutely a castaway again to him. And I will never forgive him for doing that to me again.

      1. giulia says:

        Yes….there’s no winning. The only way not to keep losing is to abandon the game.
        The hints that he gives are false hints and they all take you to the same place, where he wants you to be.
        There’s no going forward, no going back. Lots of work to go nowhere.
        It’s humiliating to be a castaway…but in the economy of the situation is the only thing to do to watch the game from the only perspective that will allow a victory.
        I chose to take the loss and start working in a different direction, closer to reality and freedom. And…well….true love maybe?… :)))
        I’m addicted to dreams, I won’t settle for any less than a whole lot of authentic and satisfying true love.
        It’s either this or nothing.
        As castaways we still have the chance to make our dream come true.
        I’m staying in this deserted island watching the stars and sleeping under the moon. Compared to where I came from it feels like the Fidji πŸ˜‰

        1. karen1303 says:

          Knock your King over and start playing draughts/checkers.
          You’re never going to win at chess but you may become a champion of checkers 😊

    2. narseeker says:

      Giulia,
      From the “Diary of a Castaway”. An excerpt from May 2016-April 2017
      Step 1: I: Google his f***ing name. Spy. Look. Find either : a) heart break songs or b) suicide songs or c) revenge songs or d) loving comments directed at the IPPS or e) lovely pictures of his kid.

      Step 2: I wander: In case of : a) maybe he misses me. Should I contact him? b) He is suicidal (ha ha). Should I worry? Is he checking if I worry? Should I reassure him that I care? c) He’s mad. Should I contact and apologize? d) I hate him. I cry. Is he really with her? And maybe he wants to make me jealous. But this is a good sign, isn’t it?I really need to contact him. Urgent. e) Maybe he wants me to comment on this picture?

      Step 3: I text. A nice little text. I wait. And wait. Has he read it yet?. I cannot concentrate on anything.

      Step 4: Nothing. He read and Nothing.(!!!!). No reply.

      Step 5: Crying. Despair. Stop it, narseeker, you have better things to do with your life.. I delete his number. Swear not to peek ever again.

      Step 6. I read HG’s blog for hours and stay there forever. Feeling better and empowered..Thinking about being a part of wonderful place.

      Step 7: After a period of time (a week, two weeks, a month): I am stronger now. But something is missing. I need to look again. Add his number..

      Step 8, Step 9, Step 10: = Step1 , Step 2, Step 3

      Step11 He’s texting me!!!! OMG!!!! Somebody call an ambulance!!. He is actually answering.. A miracle!!!

      Step 12 NIce, polite and detached answer.

      Step 13= I am the happiest person in the whole planet.

      Step 14= After two days. What does this mean? Is the ST over? Should I contact him again?

      Step 15= I phone him.. No answer. (Once he picked up: “I am very busy. Goodbye)

      Step 16= I text. Text after text. (whatsapp) “WWWWHHHHHYYYYY???? Why can’t you answer me? ANSWER me. Please. Just tell me, once. One phone call. One text. Please explain/forgive..”.N reads . No reply. Long texts.Elaborated.Detailed. I explain and explain about the hurt. “You are murdering my soul”. “Take me out of this maze, please talk to me or write.. can you please spare me 5 minutes of your time?” (cries text number 10123). WHHYYY???”

      Step 17= Go to Step 5.

      REPEAT.

      Step 18: I am finally participating here! with you, and H G Tudor in flesh is answering me!!.And Sarabella’s words to me had an impact. I am thankful and hopeful. .

      1. HG Tudor says:

        An honest summary.

      2. Giulia says:

        I whish I could tell you what I feel right now but I would hurt myself.
        So yes, to all. Stay here, keep reading, keep sharing.

        1. narseeker says:

          Thank you so so much Giulia!!!

        2. VFH says:

          Yes. Stay here Giulia.
          Keep strong. You’re awake. You’re still in there. You will find a way back.

      3. Indy says:

        Wow, very well described. The details of emotional addiction in these type of relationships. Created by the kings/queens of the Push-Pull Polka!

      4. sarabella says:

        That was me. That was the pattern. Then I said, heck, let me work it all out once and for all. So I just went for it, dug far deep into what it was about me, too, that made that all work. I really threw myself in to the pleading and begging. At around the same time, I found this blog and got the remaining missing pieces.

        I bathed him in contact and fuel. Life was changing and I knew I would be able to do NC at last. So I just let it go all over him. Cried, begged, pleaded. Emoted. Therapeutic in a way. Fully aware this time versus before when I had no idea what was going on, his true intent.

        But now, I had a plan, beg and plead like usual and try to heal that space it was coming from in me all that time, and then I was going to give him my total silence. I wanted him to feel the contrast. Intentionally set up. I hope he wonders how I finally pulled off control at last. Going on 2 months of not a peep from me. And never ever again. Hope it is manipulating the situation and not being manipulative.

        you will get there Narseeker

        1. narseeker says:

          Resonates with me, Sarabella. Thank you. When you say that you let it go all over him (cried and pleaded) do you mean in person? by phone? texts?. Excuse me if I ask too much..

          1. sarabella says:

            Voice messages and text. Emails. I just decided to give myself one last purge and then discard him. I let him play his games, torment me, dangle his unavailable self in front of me. I am and was banking on him hating me escaping. For all his denigrations, he wanted me to behave that way, one down, desperatr, hurt. Since he had manipulated me into it to begin with, against my aware consent, I figured it was my right to lay it on and play it up now. And I am hoping my abrupt silence after so much emoting on my part will shock him. With 3 IG friends in common, I leave public messages for them occasionally. i know he sees them. I now have a cool IG presence online. If this was his whole game, his pretend photos with women, his salesmanship, using social media, then i was going to play it back and he won’t hear from me again and he will only see good, wholesome, creative, content things. And utter silence.

            You know, since I started doing this, I feel better and better every day. I will play that game and that one only. But never will he hear a single emotion ever again from me about him or ‘us’. He is finally fading. All that everpresence, the almost psychic connection and all.

      5. Nina says:

        Yes this was me a few years ago before I found HG’s blog and then read most of his books!!

  11. ava101 says:

    Thank you for that nice description and great picture. πŸ™‚
    So, how does it feel for you when you encounter an ex-victim in that state?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      None of them attain that state

      1. ava101 says:

        Because they don’t have your information?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes but it’s more to do with their susceptible status and failure to address the dynamic in the right way for them.

      2. Victoria says:

        Why HG? Is it because with you everything is magnified 100% more( charm, beauty, intelligence, romanticism, gravitas, panache, etc) than those victims encountering lesser narcissist? Therefore you are impossible to forget? Well, your voice alone is impossible to forget, I can only imagine the rest. LOL

      3. ava101 says:

        πŸ™‚ Susceptible status, very well put.
        You’re right. A combination of knowledge, experience & recognition of patterns and mind-set, I think it is.

      4. Jenna says:

        😒

      5. sarabella says:

        They how do you know what we are waiting for you to describe if you have never seen your victims get there?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Good question. I know because I have seen it in the victims of others of my kind.

      6. VFH says:

        So what if HG, just what if, your teaching and empowering us led to ALL the worlds’ empaths achieving Zero Impact? What then?

        I know it’s a tall order but you like a challenge right? So just totally hypothetically speaking, if that happened and you woke one day to find Zero Fuel, what might occur?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Worldwide zero fuel? Never going to happen.

          1. VFH says:

            I get that. But still, interested to know what if?

  12. Giulia says:

    I whish…..sometimes I feel really good. I feel I’m breathing the light, bathing in it, letting the sun shine on me then on the horizon his grin takes shape and I bend my head, I start shrinking and I remember I am confined. I even feel guilty for writing in this place……..it’s like he’s in my head saying “I know what you are doing…you will pay every single lie you said about me”…and I actually review my accounts at all to see if there is any way he could track me down. I think I am paranoid at times. He is probably going after someone else and my case is closed..but…what if it isn’t? How do I know if he’s fine with me living my life the way I want to? He’d never, ever made me feel like we are done.
    He’ll never accept to back off with me. If he knew my interests now he would want to compete with each and everyone of them but not openly, in a hidden way. There’s never a simple sharing with him or a simple exchange of ideas, stories, interests…it’s got to be tough, so that you either back off and let him shine or you’re gonna feel the tension of him putting in place a strategy.
    That’s the biggest distress I have thinking about this whole thing.

    1. karen1303 says:

      Giulia – have you ever checked out hyper-vigilance in relation to Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?
      Just a thought.

      1. giulia says:

        No…but I will.
        Thank you karen1303 πŸ™‚

    2. sarabella says:

      “There’s never a simple sharing with him or a simple exchange of ideas, stories, interests…it’s got to be tough, so that you either back off and let him shine or you’re gonna feel the tension of him putting in place a strategy.”

      I can relate. Gone was just simple sharing, talking. Simplicity. Real friendship. Just a constant game of chess.

  13. SUSAN says:

    As usual, this article pertains to my life and is spot on! I am in a situation where the person who I became entangled with is a customer that I have to work with on a weekly basis. Without getting into the long details, I experienced emotional devastation with this person. Everything that HG has written about in regard to how the empath thinks and reacts when dealing with a narcissist I have experienced. Word for Word. I was determined to find answers to this crazy rollercoaster that I just experienced, once again in my life. So I started searching. Reading everything I could find that pertained to the repeated relational issues I keep experiencing. That brought me to this website. It has been a God send. It was like FINALLY.. AN EXPLINATION!!! My exact thoughts and feeling being expressed on a page.
    The reason I am writing this is to let people on here know, no matter how many times you fall, keep trying which means KEEP READING. Don’t give up. I believe you will eventually get to the point of ZERO IMPACT as I am on my way. The more I read and get it into my head and heart that this IS the way that this person really is…the less impact he is having on me. I am stronger now than ever (not there yet) and I believe it is because I have immersed myself in HG’s blog and books. (no this isn’t a paid advertisement LOL) Its because there is nothing else out there that explains this so well. I have to read everyday to renew my mind and keep me on my toes. I tell myself that I am not going to let this go on any more, This is not love nor does he care about me. The Key, in my opinion is to KEEP LEARNING an don’t beat yourself up!! most importantly, BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF.

    God’s mercies are new every morning πŸ™‚

    Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men,
    from men whose words are perverse,
    who have left the straight paths
    to walk in dark ways,
    who delight in doing wrong
    and rejoice in the perverseness of evil,
    whose paths are crooked
    and who are devious in their ways.
    PROVERBS 2:12-15

    1. Stephanie Farlow says:

      That is great for you ! I think I am there. Herebis the crucial part about reading and gaining understanding. When you stop doing that from a victim standpoint and use zero emotion and logic . You read when you need a reminder. You remind yourself they don’t love me. It is a simple reminder but it will get you out. A long as you focus on you and YOUR beautiful soul then you will be fine. THIS WAS THE LAST PIECE OF THE PUZZLE I NEEDED IN THIS JOURNEY. Strait forward info from a narcissist . All the spiritual work done was needed and important thus far. The affirmations and other healing modalities also valuable. Strait forward reason and logic was the last piece I needed to seal the deal. Peace

      1. SUSAN says:

        Are we related? LOL Wow.. well said! You have just described the way I think! I think the common denominator between the two of us the great gift of being able to look at ourselves introspectively. Most people can’t or won’t do it because of fear. It’s scary and can sting but what you get in the end is freedom! Hang in there Stephanie! I appreciate your words and thoughts!

      2. Pam says:

        yup most helpful info.Ive run across straight from a narcissist!

    2. Victoria says:

      Susan I agree 100% with everything you have just stated. I went around the roller coaster 4-5 times thinking that every time he hoovered me after a discard-represented he cared but then the cycle began all over again for a period of 10 1/2 years. I also found HG due to researching certain behaviors and HG is the only person/author to describe every aspect of a narcissist and empaths. I thank God every day for having put him in our lives; what a blessing! His books are as wonderful as this blog and his consultations are the high point because then you can ask all those personal questions and he answers every one!
      So I join you in thanking HG!

      1. SUSAN says:

        Thank you for sharing that with me! I recognized all of the narcissistic actions through out the years but I couldn’t explain it. I should try a consultation but he scares me LOL just kidding..

        hang in there!

  14. Stephanie Farlow says:

    HG , I am trying not to cry as I write this but how ironic that I saw thus today. I am amazed at myself as I was just thinking about how I sat at a dinner table with him last night with 10 other people ,yes, but still intimate setting and felt zero feelings. I am just blown away as this is such a foreign place to be at so fast. It has only been 2 months since going no contact AGAIN. Thank you so much for helping me get to this wonderful place. I am slowly starting to experience joy again even at the little things like going home and seeing my kid’s at night. I also realized that long after he left the restaurant (he left before anyone else) I was still enjoying myself with friends and continued on to another bar with a few more people and not once did I get those awful feelings or the sadness from missing him.

  15. Giulia says:

    For the moment, as long as I stay away I am doing well. I can, now, avoid his writings. I know they are poisonous and I am working on rebuilding my traits, irony, a cheerful and welcoming attitude, wit, self care, curiousity, social life, flirting around and about, feeling free and content, resuming all my projects.
    The basic strategy is that I hope he’ll disappear from my life. And if he doesn’t I hope I’ll be strong enough to face him. It’s not a real strategy I know but I’m not considering staying in his circle of mad women. I feel nauseus at the very thought of it.
    I was never able to make predictions about him, he is fully unpredictable and that scares me. It keeps me always alert and it’s tiresome. So yeah, I guess I am hiding. I noticed some movement after I upoaded a new profile picture on FB. After months of weird and disturbing profile pictures I upladed one with a big smile….that’s when he resurrected his writings. Maybe a coincidence, maybe not. I couldn’t tell. I blocked him on fb and all other social accounts but he can still see my profile pic from another account.
    To be honest with you I like it if he sees me smiling but now I don’t have the courage to upload a new picture. I feel like he could read everything about me know. Weird isn’t it? So I go back to hiding. Not sure how I feel. He still has power over me. Most of the times I don’t feel it but sometimes I do and I don’t like it.
    Most of all….I am tired of thinking about him

    1. karen1303 says:

      Hi Giulia, I feel we are quite close in where we are in terms of healing. I also think your ex sounds like my ex too. I always said the only predictable thing about him was his unpredictability!
      I’m still in hiding too, though less than I was. I think it’s maybe a time thing.
      I doesn’t invade my thoughts as much either. Perhaps that’s a time thing too. His power is slipping.
      Stay strong Giulia.

      1. karen1303 says:

        *he doesn’t invade my thoughts

  16. Nice…i am certainly in progress to zero impact….
    Very free-ing !

  17. Angelic says:

    Look at that face
    She has an armour on
    she has emphaty still..
    she has understanding..
    she has determination.. and she has defences..
    her character has becone strong ..
    that is when the hopes for victories will come to pass with fruitition…

  18. Star says:

    I like this. This is good HG. This sounds like knowledge that can be used to empower people.I am looking forward to reading the follow up:)

  19. I am very interested in this post and what is to come. It will be a great source of help to us.

  20. High Octane Fuel says:

    Zero Impact can only come with time and distance. With my first narc, it has been achieved. With my recent narc, who I have to see every day at work, it has been partially achieved since I am on NC with her, but she’s very much alive in my mind (which she thankfully doesn’t know). I fantasize about her and I having an honest conversation about who/what she is in the straightforward manner that HG communicates but she’s too addicted to her false self to allow it. Instead she wants me back under the spell, I know. I’m quite sure she’s a self-aware Narc underneath who knows exactly who she is and exactly what she does. When I don’t have to see her every day, she will fade away, and when I replace the things she offered me thru the relationship with another person who can provide the same stuff, Zero Impact will be achieved. Until then, it’s fake it till you make it.

  21. Ms brown says:

    patiently waiting for this information, HG…. Have I told you, you have taught me patience?

  22. Laurie says:

    Lately I’m into dropping empath form and tearing them a new asshole and walking away feeling pretty good. I wonder if your suggestions are along those lines. We’ll see…

    1. Angelic says:

      Laurie

      i symphatise with your feeling.
      But i think we can never get rid of emphaty because its the very fiber of our being.
      the Zero Impact it is a totally different dealing .. ..
      can’ t wait for the next article.

    2. Pam says:

      by reacting you create fuel for the narcissist! I think he speaks of no reaction= zero effect from empath.

  23. mistynolan01 says:

    I love the face of the girl in the pic. Totally unaffected, “resting bitch face.”

  24. mistynolan01 says:

    Please hurry!! I need to know, like, YESTERDAY. I’m in a bad way and want my self back!

  25. Khaleesi says:

    Zero Impact- I’m almost there. So very close. He keeps asking me to stop treating him like some stranger and How can I be like this after everything we’ve been through? That’s what he is to me now though…a stranger that I never really knew even after 5 years. Thanks again, HG. Great writing, as always!

  26. Angelic says:

    Wow HG

    this is the best article for me that i can relate the most.. i think this is what instinctively i am trying to do..
    cant’ wait for the next part.
    Thank you.
    πŸ’šπŸ’™πŸ’›

  27. I am so far from Zero Impact. How can one achieve that whilst battling cognitive dissonance daily? I am armed. I know what I am dealing with, but I still shut down, still ball up and cry, still am afraid that I will run into him face-to-face (which I pray never, ever happens in this lifetime), still battle wanting him and wanting him dead. I’ve shed so many layers of the toxic coating you spoke about, and yet it feels like I’ve shed nothing. I am, however, in protective mode out of fear, but it’s easier because he doesn’t hoover and has moved out of the area, which is a blessing for me. Your description of Zero Impact makes me feel like I have a really long road ahead of me. I am anxious to read the follow-up to this.

  28. Elise says:

    HG, I am really looking forward to reading this article. Every time I see the narc at work my blood pressure rises. Getting off the subject, may I ask your readers a question? Did their narc ever use hypnotic pattern interrupt on them? My narc once interrupted me, pointed to his arm and asked if I liked his color. Ever since then looking at his skin color aroused me. I am beyond pissed that this worked on me. Thanks so much.

  29. Debbie says:

    HG

    Well.
    Fabulous article.

    ..And That is why I am here.

    Because HG, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
    And there is true, strong and direct impact for the good, by donning the armour you provide.

    I found this article empowering and I feel complete confidence in continuing to follow your guidance.

    Ok…there is a lot of uncomfy bits to read and take on board in general in your work, that’s a given, but I have personally taken larger steps forward for the better because of you.

    I felt a lot of protection exuding from your words…ironically…but not surprisingly.

    I know which side of the knowledge narc bread is buttered the best…
    βœŒπŸ›‘
    Onwards.

    1. karen1303 says:

      Well put Debbie.

      1. Debbie says:

        Thank you karen1303 πŸ–’

  30. Sookie Stackhouse says:

    HG, please make audibles and please read them!

    I love this article on Zero Impact. I feel as though this comes post supernova. Knowledge is power. Rape is about power. My greatest power is self control and I choose not to give a narc that power. I don’t fear him, he only accomplished it because he used agents to inebriate me. I am not saddened by what likely happened, but seek ways to learn the truth. I play the game knowing he is a narc, an idiot-savant, emotionally underdeveloped yet academically accomplished. I will let him drop his crumbs of information until I can gather enough to potentially save others. I do this not for myself, but to prevent it from happening to those who are unaware. Good still exists and as a super empath I yearn to protect the unaware.

  31. frogbubb says:

    It feels as though the tone of this article is a bit warmer than some of your prior writings. I think I like it?

    Personally, I think a N can find the lack of emotion and/or lack of response from a former empath to be a challenge – like a game. The N would work on stripping the shield away. I am interested in reading the follow up to this article — soon?

  32. sarabella says:

    I wonder, too. Forcing a detachment from emotions always fails. I see someone posting all these things that look like she is trying to detach from him, but all I see is that they are mirroring her great efforts to detach and appear in control. I tried to fake indifference, that didn’t work either. I am not sure how I got to where I am now, but it is a place where his impact is lessening quickly day by day.

    I think he hoovered me 2 weeks ago, blocking me in a brand new IG account 2 weeks ago, but not blocking me in three others? Malign hoover, HG? If he did that, it was for impact on me? Knowing it would confuse and hurt even if I wasn’t blocked in the other three? But I moved through that experience quickly.

    I have found, alot has been me tackling my own empathy and becoming very selfish with myself. Undoing the extraverted part of my personality (looking outwards) and focusing on me. Mirroring my imagination of what his self-absorption must be like and trying it myself. Some isolation but not numbing out but putting myself into my creativity.

    I am waiting to hear as well to as I know I have done something finally, to shift this, but not sure what it is I did. IF he did block me intentionally (not and instagram hickup that drew permissions from Facebook – I understand the two systems do not share blocking choices and I am blocked in FB but my account is also deactivated), and IF that was a malign hoover, then he is fishing for energy.

    And I don’t have it anymore for him. I can just feel the change and I am not sure if I am deluded or what as I can’t exactly define what has shifted suddenly. And I feel like he knows. And I can’t explain that one, either. He accused me of being deluded so many times, I can’t tell if this is really what is going on. Can it be real, that he senses this, hoovered me that way, but this is finally over? I feel like the door is closing for good finally but I am not sure how I have done this at long last. Numbing, indifference, all those things didn’t ever stop it all. But something finally did. And all so energetic, too. Just don’t get what I have done or why it has suddenly changed. Did he finally discard me, too? We both finally did?

    Waiting to read what you have observed…

  33. VFH says:

    Wow and here is our salve. A nice bedtime story tonight HG, thank you. I actually feel uplifted after reading that. Don’t let us down will you!

    I’m going to get measured up for that suit of armour first thing tomorrow in anticipation.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Seize the power.

      1. VFH says:

        Yes! I absolutely want to.

      2. HG, are you punishing all the Lesser and Mid-Rangers for not being as good as the Greaters? Do they let the ‘team’ down?

        If they become redundant, you will reap more fuel sources

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed I am, they need to up their games.

  34. TheNarcsNark says:

    I do not love, fear, miss nor hate my ex. I’m not numb. To me that would be allowing him some sort of expression. I feel nothing towards him. I give him no reaction and the mask (his) has slipped. Believe me he has tried everything….I’m waiting to see how far it slips in Court soon. As for fear, I refuse to be gripped by his second rate psychological warfare……

    1. Love your I.D name. And good for you!

  35. penny dropped says:

    Oooh HG you bloody tease! πŸ˜‰

    I can’t wait for this! Is this the ‘third option’ (or ‘third way’, can’t quite recall) you alluded to previously?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, this is something different. This is a form of defence. The third way is a form of attack.

      1. penny dropped says:

        Awesome! I don’t want to have to employ evasive tactics forever. He’s stolen enough of my life.

      2. Karin says:

        Genius!!! I am experiencing what you describe but I could not put it in these simple terms.

      3. VFH says:

        HG “a form of attack”…that sounds fun even if only in thought (empaths have thought fuel too)…Where is this third way you speak of? Did I miss it? Or has it not arrived yet?

        As Lorde herself says “I’m waiting for it, that green light, I want it”!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Not arrived yet.

  36. E. B. says:

    “… From seeing their self-worth eroded, their finances implode, their self-confidence shattered, their physical and mental health damaged, their relationships with other people removed or dented, their capability to engage in critical judgement impaired, the loss of their home, the loss of a job and much more besides the consequence of our targeting of that person…”

    This is so true. πŸ™
    Zero impact is what I would like to achieve, if this is possible, considering the circumstances.
    Thank you for this excellent post. I am looking forward to reading your next article.

  37. Salome says:

    Does the people become narcissist or rather they are already born with this personality disorder?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Combination of the two.

  38. Salome says:

    Jeanne d’Arc?
    I hope to read soon the continuation…

  39. Jaeger says:

    Very Insightful. Well done. Thank you for putting into words the feeling of zero impact. It amazes me that you can write with such feeling and yet not experience it yourself. This shows your intelligence in understanding emotion and the impact of it on those sensitive to your gifts of persuasion and manipulation. Looking at emotion in a detached way, an analytical way and using that ability to teach others is brilliant. It’s no wonder you’re on your way to being the Father of all things narcissist. I look forward to your furtherance of the subject, Big Daddy πŸ˜‰ πŸ’™

    1. Jenna says:

      Well said jaeger! It is unbelievable how much analytical insight HG has about some feelings that he doesn’t experience himself. I think he can use this ability to better himself, since he knows what hurts pple. I hope he puts his fuel requirements second, and makes decisions based on cognitive empathy first. My ex isn’t well fuelled right now. He went into major depression for several months, but he’s recovered now, and he’s as good as new. The low fuel experience made him reflect on many aspects of life, made him realize what is and isn’t important, and made him into a more thoughtful person imo.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        If you observe and listen and ally that with a keen mind, alongside the desire to use this information for my purposes, you can glean much.

  40. Malkina007 says:

    This is so very effective. Indifference. They see you do not care. They are on the other side of that wall. They know it. They feel invisible. There’s nothing. It burns them. Fury.

    1. karen1303 says:

      Agreed. I have, and still do play the indifference card. My refusal to acknowledge ANYTHING drives him insane.
      The operative word there is ‘play’ though. It’s my own act. In reality he petrifies me still. He just can’t see my fear anymore.
      I am desperate to stop ‘playing’ and start ‘becomming’
      I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve waiting for the follow up. 😊

      1. Pam says:

        I agree…still effected, but less and less each time …still not detached or disengaged completely .But HGS insight has helped me immensely.

    2. karen1303 says:

      Sorry to steer off topic but can anyone tell me which book is the one that tells the story of HG’s brother with the disrespectful woman taunting him?
      Thanks in advance.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Elated and Eroded.

        1. karen1303 says:

          Thank you.

        2. karen1303 says:

          Bought and read. Wow. Again your honesty overwhelmes me re your feelings toward your brother when ‘It’ happened. Always shocking but always so insightful.
          I bought this book for analytical purposes. You blew me away yesterday when you answered a question for me that you really didn’t need to. You made yourself vulnerable. I really ‘thought’ there was more to you than narcissism.
          Of course there is, just not the compassion that I had suspected and hoped for.
          You’re a tough nut to crack HG. I think I’ve got something figured out then BAM. I know who and what you are but something inside fails to accept that fully and I continue to strive to find some sort of normal human feeling within you.
          On reflection I guess that’s what the empath does and I guess that’s why we make the best targets…..

  41. Pam says:

    H.G. basically desensitization from your kind through knowledge (your blogs) and repeated hoovers ( aka hard learned life lessons) seems to be helping me. I look forward to the follow-up information to this blog.

  42. catlady2468 says:

    I love it, great entry!

  43. abrokenwing says:

    But this can only be achieved if we are removed / detached from emotions, no? I’m confused.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No.

      1. Karin says:

        This is awesome, HG!!

        Abrokenwing:

        It is not a numbing or a detaching from emotions, rather it is observing them as they reverberate through you, but not assigning any significance to them, or allowing them to stick into you and wound you.

        In other words, you feel things, but the feelings do not impact your sense of self or autonomy.

      2. sarabella says:

        Karin, yes.

    2. abrokenwing says:

      Thanks Karin. I need to read the next part.

  44. Indy says:

    Simply beautiful. I love how you outline what it is not (numbing or hiding). Numbing and hiding allow one to survive an attack, but it is not “Zero Impact” and it keeps one from healing. Bravo!! Looking forward to more on this topic from you!

  45. SVR says:

    Bring it on HG then I can see if I am on the correct path

  46. Brandie says:

    Reblogged this on Speak Out 4 Others.

  47. karen1303 says:

    *gut not guy lol

  48. karen1303 says:

    “That information is on its way”
    Oh. My. God. Are you serious! (Rhetorical)
    I swear you are a mind reader.
    I have just arranged to meet a psychologist friend on Saturday to discuss the CBT I am receiving.
    I have come to realise this week that I am being treated for the symptoms (panic attacks) rather than the root cause (fear of the ex)
    I do not fear the panic attacks, however horrible they are, I fear the ex! That is what I need to overcome. Eliminate the CAUSE of fear and the SYMPTOMS of that fear cease to exist. (I could be wrong as I’m not the professional but that’s what my guy is telling me)
    I cannot tell you how happy I am right now to know you’re going to unlock that massive massive chain around my neck.
    The final hurdle I hope.
    I will not sleep tonight.
    Thank you so much.

    1. E. B. says:

      Hi Karen1303,
      I agree. IMO, some treatments are ineffective or, at best, *temporary* effective because, as you said, they deal with the symptoms only and do not take into account the root cause of the problem.

      1. karen1303 says:

        It was only when I was working through the work book and a question was – what do you fear will happen during a panic attack. Fair enough question but aftet thought I could not answer it. I don’t fear the panic I fear the ex.

  49. I’m at zero impact.
    You don’t touch me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I’m more entertained by your complete inability to answer the questions posed, tertiary source. You were given the opportunity. Your failure is the answer. Case closed.

      1. Oh I see, at first when you held my comments in moderation it felt like a hug, like you wanted them all to yourself..
        Now you’re going to hold them in your jail cell.

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