The 10 Obligations of the Empath



In order to manipulate you and control you, we rely on certain behaviours which cause you to act out of fear. Fear of injury, isolation, financial ruin, loss of your home or loss of your children. We also rely on your deeply embedded sense of obligation. Owing to your honesty and decency, you feel need to do certain things. Your sense of obligation is greater than normal and we exploit this in the following ways:

  1. You feel responsible for us

So much of what we do is of our own doing. In fact, next to nothing is caused by you when looked at through your worldview. From our perspective you are responsible for everything. It is always your fault and we repeatedly project and blame-shift in order to condition you to feel responsible for us. You already have a sense of responsibility towards us. You feel a sense of responsibly to nearly everybody because of the fact you are caring and compassionate. This increases when it comes to us because we are your intimate partner and you believe that it is the intimate partner who ranks amongst the highest who deserve such responsibility. This increases again when you realise that we have certain flaws and you feel a need to take on responsibility for them. Indeed, combine this natural state with the conditioning that we cause and you become someone who is over-responsible for us.

  1. You feel that you owe us

Once again this is a combination of the natural and the condition. You have been given such a wonderful time during the seduction period, given so much both material and emotional that you feel you do owe us. You are also a person who is polite and well-mannered and you feel a natural desire to return favours, thank people for what they do for you and a sense of paying the debt that has arisen. We also believe you owe us for everything we gave you during the seduction and accordingly you are obliged to repay us for the rest of the relationship and beyond. Combine these two elements and a powerful obligation of owing us is created which we are then able to exploit to our advantage.

  1. You feel sorry for us

That natural sympathy people possess is available in spades with someone as empathic as you. You never regard someone as weak or pathetic but rather feel sorry for them. You would not regard a homeless person as a stain on society but rather feel sorry that they find themselves in such a situation and you consider how they ended up where they are what might be done about it. You realise our behaviours are abhorrent but rather than always feel angry about it, you feel sorry for us that we behave this way. You feel sorry that we cannot explain ourselves, that we lash out and behave in such a destructive fashion. Your exuding sympathy not only fuels us but it creates an obligation on your part towards us.

  1. You feel guilty

Even if you know that a certain course of action is for the best, you are assailed by the guilt that you might be hurting someone, stopping them what they want to do or upsetting them in some way. Tough love is not a concept you want to embrace as the guilt at seeing someone else hurting, as a consequence of something that you have done, is too great. This sense of guilt forces you down different routes, often doing things which are not the best for you but nevertheless you feel obligated to do out of this considerable sense of guilt which looms large which someone empathic like you.

  1. You feel a need to fix us

You are a problem solver. You enjoyed the Sound of Music when you were younger and you always felt that if you had been given the chance you would have solved a problem like Maria. You regard it as your role to heal and to fix. You are of the unshakeable mind-set that everybody can be fixed. Everyone can be made better and when you experience the broken elements of our machinations and manipulations you do not shirk from them. Instead, you remain in situ and work out how you can resolve them. This obligation to make things better and to heal is a central part of who you are and is readily exploited by us since we know you are unlikely to go anywhere despite how bad things are.

  1. You feel it is your duty

You have a strong sense of duty. Duty to be an excellent parent, supportive friend, caring son or daughter, hard-working colleague and all round decent human being. Most of all you regard your duty to your intimate partner as one where no matter how difficult things might be you are not going to walk away. This duty is often compelled from the vows that you have taken and a strong religious undertone to your personality.

Duty is paramount and from that rises the obligation.

  1. You feel a need to abide by your standards

So often the world appears to have lost its moral compass and therefore it falls to a diminishing group of people to right the wrongs, stand up for the vulnerable and defend the weak. You often see that people are ruled by those twin gods of sex and money and this causes people to forget who they are and the standards they once adhered to. This is not for you. You do not do this to be lauded by others but do so because you cannot lie straight in your bed at night if you do not uphold these standards for yourself and in your daily dealings. This translates into treating people with patience, understanding, compassion and empathy, no matter how difficult it becomes. Some might suggest that you are making a rod for your own back.

  1. You feel a need to maintain appearances

This is not done for your own benefit. You are not like us creating an image to show the world. No, you do this to maintain appearances for the sake of others. It is keeping the family together for the sake of your children so they are not upset. It is appearing to get along with your difficult brother for the sake of your fragile elderly parents. It is taking one for the team in order to maintain an appearance so that you deal with the pain and aggravation so others do not. This need creates an obligation in you which we are content to exploit as we know it will keep you around and stop you from speaking out about what we do.

  1. You feel a need to never give up.

You are not a quitter. You do not give up at the first bump in the road or black cloud. You keep going, you are tenacious. You are indefatigable and you persevere. You plough forwards and feel that it is only right to do this because you know that the just reward will come at the end of it. Anything worth doing is worth doing properly. Anything worth having takes effort. We applaud this desire to stick at things.

  1. You feel a need to have done your best

When everything is added up and evaluated, at the end of the day, you want that satisfaction, just for yourself, to know that you did your best and you could have done no more. You always consider whether you could have done something a different way and more effectively. You are self-critical and behave like this in order to fulfil your chosen role as a good person. This obliges you to try and try again.

These empathic obligations result in your remaining with us longer, enduring more of our abusive behaviours and forgiving more of what we do than an ordinary person. We know these obligations exist and we exploit them.

86 thoughts on “The 10 Obligations of the Empath

  1. duchessbea says:

    A Goddess in the Kitchen, a Lady in the Living Room. A Whore in the Bedroom. What more could he want. Still treats you like trash and does a smear campaign against you. Yeah, that’s what you call taking your cake and eating it. All for manipulation and fuel and the most important one – control. Rise above, know your worth and get out.

  2. Reblogged this on No Way Back.

  3. abrokenwing says:

    I think that’s me on that picture.

  4. Elise says:

    This touched my heart. It helps mitigate the guilt that I still feel for becoming emotionally involved with a married man. Thank you HG.

    1. Sharon Marinucci says:


  5. DJ says:

    Guilty on all counts but I won’t change what makes me me because I like being me. I have changed who gets the benefits of being my friend or partner because I learn from my mistakes, unlike some people I could mention… Plus I now have a shiny, new, finely tuned narc radar in my holster thanks to you, HG

  6. Not So Sad says:

    1.You feel responsible for us.

    Actually no

    Any grown man with a real set of balls doesn’t need a nurse maid a mother figure or an empath to feel good about themselves .

    2.You feel that you owe us..

    What.! You spent my money while you stashed yours away.

    3.You feel sorry for us

    Oh yes I Remember the day you tried to plant a punch on me & you missed breaking your hand πŸ™‚ the following Pity party you had . I didn’t join in Did I feel sorry for you ? Not a chance .

    4.You feel guilty..

    Why would I feel ” guilty ” when you smashed up stole my belongings & physically hurt me in order to control me.

    5.You feel a need to fix us..

    Someone fetch the narc super glue . Lets fix the little darlings back together so they can repeat it all over again !

    6.You feel it is your duty..

    Yes . Reported to the necessary law enforcement but you manipulate the police & the authoritys the same way as you do your vicitms don’t you .

    7.You feel a need to abide by your standards.

    My standards were high you tied to break them & as much as you tried you FAILED it broke my heart trying the fix he damage you caused But guess what .. I’m still here and you are HISTORY .

    8.You feel a need to maintain appearances

    Not anymore ! I’ve smeared you just like you did to me . Don’t ever rely on you so called friends to tell you anything different . I know you’re secrets & demons .. guess what they do too now ”

    9.You feel a need to never give up ?

    Haha. I gave up on you a long, long time ago sweetcheeks . Do me a fovour & stop trying with the hoovers matey . I went No Contact for a reason as in I don’t ever want to see you again .. I know rejection hurts but suck it up buttercup .

    10.You feel a need to have done your best.

    11/10 .100%

    Have a nice day .


    1. lansealan says:

      Awesome NAA!
      There’s bad anger and good anger…
      I like your version…😜✌

    2. DJ says:

      Amen and hallelujah to that!

  7. speaking of exploiting…..
    At the time i met my now ex husband /narc I had fear of a romantic partner leaving/not staying with me. So you can only imagine What happened when I met my narcissist. Holy cow. Boy oh boy I had no idea that I was setting up for a lifelong contract with this guy. I wish he would go away. But apparently that’s not how it works this damn thing- its for life. I was just thinking about the irony of this recently.

  8. abrokenwing says:

    That’s me. So true it scares me.
    There was a time when I wanted someone to take this control and responsibility for everything and everyone from my shoulders.I wanted someone to take care of me for once.

  9. neurocolls says:

    It seems that I am here to confirm that the same goes if the N is female and I am male. Obligation 1,2, …10 Yes.

  10. SVR says:

    Indeed. Totally correct. No more of this pattern. I put me first in a healthy way now and have boundaries at last. I don’t feel the need to fix others anymore and realise now they are not my responsibility. Don’t get me wrong I am still a nice caring person but I won’t take any carry on and I say NO for the first time. Initially it was kinda boring but now I am finding a happy medium. Your words are so true and amazing like someone else said you know us more than we know ourselves. I have a question HG if you please: my ex female narc friend use to stare into space when I was talking to her to help her fix her problems. Rarely looking at me. Sometimes shed a tear. She took me to a place that involved the police. I cannot believe I believed all of her utter fabricated nonsense. What I thought I was experiencing was a really sad girl who was broken but that stare now makes me realise she was just a good actor. It was empty which I took as lost and broken but am I right in saying she is a narc from my encounter/observation HG?

  11. NP says:


    I think the most painful part is when N parents take advantage of their child’s empathetic traits. They screw you for life.

    When your siblings learn from them and follow their example, you are completely screwed for life.

    When your sisters and brothers in laws follow suit because it’s the family culture, you are completely finished.

    If your nephews and nieces detect the dynamics and embrace them, there’s no more hope for you.

    That’s why I must maintain this No contact policy.

    1. Mrs Linton says:

      NP I am interested, are all your family narc’s? I ask this because though most of my family are, the rest are co dependent.I have not had to cut my younger sister out for example, I will not have a relationship with my elder sister or my mother and my brother is at arms length. My sister is married to a Narc, so I have to be careful not to pass judgement. She is not ready to see him fully for what he is.

  12. Jenna says:

    All of the above

  13. Indy says:

    Yeah, I can relate to that feeling of plowing through challenges and loving the idea of being a warrioress. Then, I also know that it takes great courage to walk away, to engage in self care, voice your truth and sticking to your values. Kindness and compassion are my values and if my future significant partner fails to have this, despite being all the other things, line drawn and done.

  14. lansealan says:

    Saw this one recently:

    What’s the difference between a Warrior and an Ordinary man?
    A warrior looks at things as a challenge. An ordinary man looks At things as a blessing or a curse.

    Being the manly man I thought I used to be, my first impression was to say…ya! I’m Gunna be a warrior! Arrrr!
    Then on second thought, think that’s what I was doing with the ex?…uggh. Going back to ordinary…less stress.

    1. Angelic says:


      what do you mean?

      1. lansealan says:

        Hope this helps,
        Therapist would ask me why I stayed for so long? I said I felt obligated to help her. She told me to get real and gave me some homework. Told me to Ask myself if I’m addicted to the drama? And what was my real motive…to win? I was treating the narc as a challenge…and was neglecting myself in the process. Was I trying to win? He’ll ya! Was I addicted to drama? Yep.
        So I gave up on the warrior thing, gave up helping and gave up trying to win…it’s impossible. They always win… by helping us lose ourselves.

  15. Angelic says:


  16. Gabrielle says:

    And because of it all we tend to have an overwhelming desire to become one with you anyway. As poisonous as you are, we just want more. At least I go back and forth with wanting it. Your articles always tend to reflect the thoughts that go on in my head. My mind was wandering today and I thought to myself how sick this all is yet I still want it. Want him. Just like the cocaine addict who wants one last hit. Fellow readers who also resonate with song lyrics the way I do. Look up “Addicted” by Kelly Clarkson.

    “I’m hooked on you I need a fix I can’t take it, just one more hit I promise I can get through this, I’ll handle it, quit it, just one more time then that’s it, just a little bit more to get me through this….”

    1. K says:

      You really like to rub it in, don’t you?

      1. Gabrielle says:

        Sorry. πŸ™

    2. K says:


      Sorry, that was meant for HG. Sometimes I forget to put the names on the top. I, too, am addicted and wholeheartedly agree with you.

      I will be very careful in the future make sure my comments are properly addressed!

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        No worries! Thank you for clarifying. πŸ™‚

  17. Yep! Put a check next to each one of those boxes. Damn, that’s a little scary!

  18. SweetFreedom says:

    Every. Single. One. Damnit!

  19. Very chillingly true!

  20. Amy S. says:

    Gosh, I felt all of these. I feel sorry for him now though…I think I am not yet fixed’

  21. Patricia Kolonoski says:

    Your purpose of speaking the exact I see in your emails? You are spot on and you actually make me see what I was involved with aka sociopath psychopath are u here to help because you articulate so well or to hurt empaths more so.

    1. Sharon Marinucci says:


  22. Indy says:

    I think I’ve let go many of these Empath Shackles. Guilt, obligation, and saving/fixing were my weaknesses.

    1. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

      Hi Indy, how did you do that?

      1. Indy says:

        It’s a work in progress if I completely honest. A lot of DBT on myself, mindfulness, Reading and retreading HG, practicing “Opposite Action” a lot, and 12 step work. I am sure I will have weak moments though I will recognize it quicker, I’m stronger and know more of my weak spots. I also will allow myself a break, forgive myself for slips and move on😊 Groups of women/men for support is huge too, like here!

        1. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

          Opposite action and 12 step work. Not familiar with those. Will look them up.
          Thanks Indy 😊

          1. Indy says:

            Opposite Action is s DBT skill, a tough one, though with practice it helps turn around our go to responses that may no longer work or are addictions. 12 steps refers to AlAnon and Codependants Anonymous. For some people it works really well, for others not so much. It help me work on my codependence. I have had several relationships with exes that also struggled with alcoholism and other addictions. So I had to find what was my part in this dynamic and why was I continuously drawn to such relationships. Very similar to the narcissist dynamic.

      2. SVR says:

        I have also Indy. It’s a much more comfortable place to be. Good on you πŸ™‚

  23. VANESSA says:

    I don’t feel any of these things. I don’t feel sorry for him,responsible for him. I don’t owe him shit. I had a bad intuition from the beginning and I should have listened to my body. It lasted a year and I couldn’t do it anymore. But the only thing I feel like is a fool for letting this sick fuck leading me on believing his lies and the person he really is. I’ve moved to a different house and blocked him on everything. There is absolutely no contact and it will stay that way. I don’t know how I could have ever let him make me believe anything that came out of his mouth but I know who he really is and I might be hurt but I am stronger than that piece of shit and I’ll find my happiness again!!!

    1. Mrs Linton says:

      Good on you Vanessa. I used to try and help my Ex Narc over his excessive drinking. As time went on I became more and disappointed that liver damage can be reversed.

      1. mistynolan01 says:

        Oh do I understand how you could feel that way. I had a hard time not laughing!

      2. SVR says:

        Pitty that lol!

      3. NarcAngel says:

        Mrs Linton.
        Made me laugh and I needed it just now. Thank you.

    2. mistynolan01 says:

      I have moments where I miss my exnarc and moments when I dwell on the hurt of his leaving, but I’m mostly pissed that I stayed long enough for the dramatic discard. But I learned some very valuable lessons in exchange for the experience.

    3. A champagne supernova empath

    4. diabonita says:

      Keep doing it. Find friends, and boys to play with. 🍭

  24. karen1303 says:

    Every God. Damn. Word.
    You know us better than we know ourselves. That stings.
    You’re a stranger and you describe me perfectly. We really are that transparent aren’t we.
    No wonder we end up where we do.
    I think I’m going to learn the art of mirroring. I need my empath traits covering up.
    I feel inflicted right now.
    Again the distance between narc and empath reduces.
    I fear where this journey will end.
    Excellent insight HG. Thank you for sharing.

    1. KarenComfortablyNumb says:

      New more fitting name. Previously karen1303

      1. K says:

        Will you share with me whatever it was that made you comfortably numb?

        1. Jaeger says:

          My guess is Pink Floyd or southern comfort.

          1. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

            Jaeger – Pink Floyd. Me and Southern Comfort don’t get on after drinking half a bottle when I was around 16. Years later I still puke at the smell of it!

        2. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

          Hi K, it’s actually the title of one of my favourite Pink Floyd songs but it has resonated with me at many different times in my life.
          In this particular instance it’s more about how I WISH I felt right now. I’m tired K. I’m tired of the feelings. Good and bad. I’m tired of this whole fucking drama. I want to be me again. Quiet, unassuming, laidback, accepting, spiritual, trusting, non judgemental and ultimately boring to everyone else. I loved my quiet life. I aren’t that person anymore. I never will be again. I miss me. Now my life is about drama, and dealing with shit and fighting to survive. I’m not cut out for this shit.
          On Saturday one of my oldest friends for married. I should have been bridesmaid but I had to say no because I knew I wouldn’t even be able to go. She understood of course but it was a difficult day for me. Instead I planned my day with positives to counter my disappointment. Early morning long cycle ride and then coffee with a friend. I couldn’t do either. I couldn’t get out of the house. The panic won on Saturday.
          Then reading here I realised another obvious control tactic the ex had on me. Left me feeling stupid.
          I’m tired of feeling stupid, guilty, embarassed, alone, helpless.
          I want to feel nothing.
          I want to feel numb.
          I want to feel comfortably numb.
          Thanks for caring.

          1. nikitalondon says:

            its one of my favorite songs too. I saw Roger W live in Dusseldorf. Was amazing πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

          2. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

            Hi Nikita, amazing live. I was lucky enough to get tickets for their Division Bell tour back in 94 (I think?) (Gilmore not Waters) At Earles Court. I had to drive all the way back to North Yorkshire after the show and go to work on no sleep. Well worth it.

          3. nikitalondon says:

            I bet well worth it. I would have done the same.

      2. narseeker says:

        Hi, sorry but I don’t like that nickname very much (and needless to say I don’t like mine either, I hope it will change soon). Your N is the “comfortably numb” one, and you don’t want to become him, right?
        I think that it’s totally understandable not to wish to go out, maybe you can simplify the feelings: instead of being disappointed in yourself (that you had plans and didn’t go), instead of wishing you’d achieve more, more rapidly, instead of thinking “i’m OK now” and then “no, damn, i’m still stuck” maybe you could try to accept your sadness (I know, it’s awful), instead of discarding it. Take your time, you can do it your way: in a spiritual, peaceful way. You won’t be you again, you’re right but I believe you will be a better you, given some “not-numb” time.

        1. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

          Hi Narseeker, thank you for your kind words and advice.
          I’m ok. Doing really well in fact apparently according to the ‘good Doctors’ πŸ˜‰
          The blips get harder to accept the further down the line I get (if that makes sense) I go for longer and longer feeling good and my smile gets bigger as I think I’m out of the woods but then BAM. A blip. It’s frustrating more than upsetting to be honest.
          Apparently I have too high expectations of myself.
          I’m good though. I know I will get there. I just have to allow myself the time to heal.
          Thanks again Narseeker, the support means so much

          1. narseeker says:

            Yes, Karen Comfortably Numb I know what you mean. The feeling of being comfortable again in my skin, thinking to myself “I have made progress, I’m healing.. enjoying things..stronger” and then the curiosity to tune to “n-channel” rears its ugly head, and I’m thinking: “it won’t affect me anymore” and then BAM. Or the after-effect of the ever-presence: suddenly a song or a scene in a movie. It is frustrating because then I feel a combination of weakness and strength (strength because of the time passed and the healing process, and weakness because of being still susceptible to the insidious trail of abuse). In that sense I sometimes feel paradoxically “stronger” after I reach out, feel rejected, and then go into survival mode. Sometimes I feel there is more strength-will power in the pure “survival” plan of action (thinking: OK I have to regroup, I have to survive, work, take care of my loved one) than in the blips along the line.
            But of course this view is incorrect. First: survival mode and then: blips. In the future, I hope we can look at it as some scar on the knee from a long time away shitty fall and say: “What is this ? A scar ? Oh, I remember now! How much it hurt THEN” “What a beautiful scar, my scar!”

      3. Indy says:

        Oh KarenComNumb,
        I just saw what you wrote and what you have been struggling with recently with not attending a wedding due to keeping yourself safe. Sending you lots of hugs. You are not stupid by any means, you are surviving. It is normal to want to reduce the pain! If they are true friends they will understand and still be there. I do know it feels bad not to be there when you want to be, and your priority is safety. Safety comes before everything. You had a lovely plan, with the self soothing of biking and coffee and such. It just may have not been the time to use those specific soothes yet, though don’t give up on those either as you do not want to be totally stuck in the home. There are lists and lists of self soothe activities and sensory soothers that you can use within your home as well to help with that pain and anxiety. I will look for a link to one of those sites, DBT often has lists of them to. Forgive me if I ask, how long has it been since you left him and since the last time he Hoover and stocked you? Do you have protection that you can use when you go out in public? I remember you said that you brought your father with you, just like I did back when I needed to. In the UK are you allowed to carry anything ?

        Sending support and warmth

        1. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

          Hi Indy, thank you for your lovely words and for taking the time to post the links for me. That really means a lot! I’m 6 months down the line. To be fair I have more good days than bad now but every now and then I feel my strength weakening. As long as I keep pulling myself back up I’ll be fine though. ☺ I’ve heard nothing directly from him for over 3 months (He has a new victim) but he’s still letting me know he’s around by having mail sent to my house and I had a prank phone call that was instigated by him.
          He was never violent per se but his aggression was such that it had me constantly in fear and anxiety. He is unpredictable with little control of his anger so I always had it hanging over me. I still do.
          Very few people know how this has affected me. I keep it to myself mostly. My friend who was getting married knew though and she was lovely and sent me photos throughout the day.
          I’m ok Indy, they are just blips. I’m a real tough cookie and I’m a fighter. I won’t and can’t let it beat me. Honest.
          Thank you for helping me through a bit of a tough time.
          Onwards and upwards! 😊

      4. Indy says:

        Hi Karen,
        (Part 2 of my last message)I’m thinking like mace or kitty key chains if he a violent type. I don’t carry weapons, but mace/pepper spray and kitty keychain were my go to to feel more confident and safe.

        Oh here is the link to some ideas for self soothes when emotions get too much. It’s meant as a short term soothe while in the long term you heal other things, like the traumas.

        I really like this website:

        Here is more info on self soothing:

        I hope it helps (((hugs)))

      5. diabonita says:

        Try 1408

      6. K says:

        Karen Comfortably Numb,

        I am so sorry that you are so tired. You have articulated your sorrow so well, that I can feel it and I weep for you as I write. All those feelings, the good, the bad, and the ugly, are such a heavy burden to bear and you shouldn’t be alone. The exhaustion compels you to forsake all that was once so dear. Your carefree sprit is a mere ghost of its former self and all that chaos and drama extinguishes your hope. The panic paralyzes you, preventing you from moving forward and there is no release; it keeps pulling you back in. Please, do not feel stupid, embarrassed or guilty. One of the first things HG taught me was that this wasn’t my fault. We were targeted. So, please, let go of the stupidity, embarrassment, and guilt. Stay here with us, on this blog and you will feel less lonely, until you start to heal. You will never be the same again. You have walked through hell and your loss is monumental. Let us help you. I am so sorry that you missed your friend’s wedding. It is no wonder you want to feel comfortably numb. I don’t blame you one bit. I want to boring again too, like oatmeal. I will follow you and try to help you out of the FOG. I am going to listen to I Want to Feel Comfortably Numb and I will be thinking of you the whole time. I care deeply and you are very welcome.

        1. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

          K, thank you so so much! You, Indy and Narseeker have brought a tear to my eye as I’ve been reading your comments ☺
          Every word you wrote is true. And you put it so eloquently.
          I am going to be ok.
          My support network is fantastic at home but to be honest, I’ve stopped talking so much and pretending that I’m ok more and more as I know they don’t ‘ get it’ and I suspect they’re probably thinking I should have moved on by now. They’d never say it but I think I can sense it. And I feel I’ve troubled them enough.
          That’s why this site and all you lovely people are so valuable to me.
          I sincerely hope that if HG ever does a big reveal he’ll have a Narc ‘coming out party’ and we, his faithful minnions will all be invited so I can cash in all the lovely virtual hugs. 😊
          (How about it HG?)
          Thanks again K.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            When I decide the time is appropriate to reveal my identity I will want to meet all my readers in the flesh, so you can cash in on the hugs (if anybody wants to hug me, they can hug you instead!)

          2. Jenna says:

            Can i hug karen and you? πŸ™

          3. HG Tudor says:

            You can hug Karen.

            You can just tell me how wonderful I am instead!

          4. Jenna says:


          5. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

            Haha I could almost see your face contort in disgust at the thought of hugs.
            Yep, I’ll take them all for you.
            The way your readership is increasing so rapidly you may need to hire a small country for the party!

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Small country? Dare to dream bigger KCN!

          7. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

            Of course.
            Such a rookie error on my behalf.
            Hope you don’t withdraw my invitation. I’m already looking forward to the Tesco value sausages on sticks and the lambrini to swill them down with.

          8. HG Tudor says:

            Excuse me! There’s nothing cheap when HG entertains. (At least when it is the golden period, so you are all fine in that regard).

          9. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

            Oh yes. We’re all in the GP aren’t we.
            We all feel important right now.
            What amazing viewing to have the HG unveiling televised. The world looks on with baited breath. A national, no worldwide holiday has been declared.
            There we all are. Our moment of glory. Designer dresses, glittering jewels, flashlights. It was all worth it. Every devaluation, every discard , every tear we shed and every drop of our blood spilled was worth it just for this moment. Finally we are recognised. Finally our worth will be known.
            Fast forward a couple of hours…. HG says to keep the cameras rolling while he gathers us all up as if herding his flock. 4,000,000 pairs of eyes gazing lovingly at the one who gave them it all. The one they adore. “What now? Hasn’t he done enough for us already?” We whisper to each other in excited anticipation.
            “Ok” he says. “Get out”
            The gasps ripple like a Mexican wave as we all look around at each other confused.
            “GET OFF MY FUCKING ISLAND” he screams. “All of you, go on you worthless pieces of shit. GO. You are all stale and I have 4,000, 000 new supplies that are ready and waiting in the wings and wait until I tell them about how you sycophantic slags have robbed me and abused my good nature”
            The room is still. After what feels like hours of silence a little voice is heard from somewhere near the back.
            “But please Tude” whispered Indy, “How can we go when we’re on an island and you were sorting out our transport?”
            “Not my problem” he says with a twisted smile.

          10. Jenna says:

            Karen, i enjoyed that story! πŸ˜„

          11. lansealan says:

            Can’t envision anything like that ever taking place. But nice tongue in cheek, HG.

            Speaking of hugs…do narcs have a typical hug technique? All the ones I know, do the “one arm, turn sideways, tilt head away, pat on the back” routine. And that’s only if you can get them to cooperate by asking for one. They never volunteer or initiate.

          12. Jenna says:

            Ianseaian, my ex was very cuddling and huggable. We used to cuddle for 3 hrs.

          13. HG Tudor says:

            That’s what seduction can do to a narc.

          14. Jenna says:

            So you do cuddle for hours in the seduction phase?

          15. HG Tudor says:

            No. I will hug where I see the need to do so during seduction, but I would not do it for hours, there are more effective ways to proceed, but I know some of our kind would do this in seduction.

          16. lansealan says:

            Jenna, Was that when HE wanted to cuddle? Or you? Cuddling for hours like that would seem to indicate a feeling of “contentment”? Something I thought a narc typically could not experience. HG?

          17. HG Tudor says:

            Contentment is fleeting if ever attained. Cuddling for fuel and to bind someone is a different consideration.

          18. Jenna says:

            Ianseaian, it was me who wanted to cuddle at the beginning of the relationship. It made me feel close to him. But then he expected it every time we met. After we broke up, i asked him about it. He said it felt ‘relaxing’ and that he doesn’t share body heat with just anyone, but that i was an exception. Notice that he is only describing the physical sensations of cuddling- relaxing, body heat. A few times during the start of cuddling, i did see him becoming nervous, but i guess he fought it and eventually became relaxed. And he finally admitted to me that closeness gives him anxiety.

          19. lansealan says:

            Thanks Jenna…and thanks HG. Think I’m going to stick to my own convictions on “cuddling” lol.
            Personally, I think cuddling has a lot to do with relaxing(as you mentioned) as well as affection, Comorbid IMO. I always enjoyed cuddling…and the ex said she did too…however, more times than not when I tried to spoon…it was “you’re too hot” “don’t put your leg over mine” “move your arm, I only like it around my waist” and on and on. Seriously after awhile I got so tired of the complaining I just became a log. And of course then I’d get the “you never cuddle with me” “you’re never affectionate” routine. Never ending damned if you do, damned if you dont. Ugghh. It got soo old…I would just be the log, then Houdini out of bed before she woke up.

      7. ava101 says:


  25. ABC says:

    Should we care at all?

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