A Goodbye Letter?

Image result for man walking away

“Dear Victim,

 

Well, wasn’t that the roller coaster ride? Don’t look so miserable at least you are getting a letter. The last four never got anything at this stage, I just disappeared and the first they knew that I was no longer interested in them was when they saw me parading my new acquisition. Still, they brought it on themselves or at least that is what I keep telling myself because after all, nothing is my fault is it? So, here is your letter. Yes, this is a Dear John letter, a missive designed to tell you that our entanglement is now at an end (for now – more on that later) and that I am now romantically involved with somebody else. Just as an aside, did you know that they originated from letters sent to soldiers by their unfaithful wives. Yes, brave Johnny was out there fighting the good fight whilst his Mrs was shacked up with Johnny-Come-Lately and she decided that rather than wait for Johnny to come home from the front she would choose Johnny Come Lately who was stationed in her home town. Seems our kind did not even suspend operations because of World War Two. Anyway, I digress. Yes, this letter is to tell you that you and I are no more. The simple reason is you are no use to me anymore. I know it seems damned unfair but my needs are all that matter you see. You gave it a good shot; I will give you that I suppose. You lasted longer than the one before, whatever her name was. Something to be proud of isn’t it, there haven’t been many who have held on to me as long as you have. I know in between the tears and the confusion when you read this letter you will be wondering why on earth have I done this after everything that you have done for me. You see, it is exactly that kind of selfish thinking that put a hex on you and me. If you had spent more time thinking about me and my needs, then we wouldn’t be in this position. Well, actually, we probably would because so far no matter what anybody has managed to do, I have always found them to be lacking eventually and had my head turned by somebody else. It always seems to happen and it cannot be my fault can it? I don’t do anything wrong. I mean I chased you, made you feel special and did all the tickling, hair-twirling and sweet nothings, you got a good time, come on you have to admit it. Oh I know things went sour afterwards but I have already written to you about that, do you have to go on about it? There you go again. Me, me, me. Never a thought for how I might feel. Have you any idea what it is like needing to rely on someone else to validate your existence? Oh you do. Well, that makes it worse actually, if you do know, why didn’t you do something about it? Anyway, I don’t have time to go into all that now. I daresay you are wondering why I have chosen someone now rather than try and work things out with you or at the very least agree to an amicable split before looking for a new victim. Well, it is a fair question I suppose. I have had the new person lined up for a while. You just weren’t doing it for me anymore and I had to make sure my needs were met so whilst you waited for me to come home, dinner in the oven, or dealt with the children again on your own as I was away on a “business trip” I was busy choosing her and seducing her. She is a right cracker, going to give me lots of emotional attention, better than you ever did. Oh don’t start with the tears, no actually carry on, that makes me feel better when you cry. I could list all the things that she is and which you are not, but I cannot be bothered to do it now, I am too excited about spending time with my new toy, er I mean partner. Don’t worry though, I will triangulate you with her at some point so you can find out all about why I chose her and we may as well have a little competition where I pit you and her against one another and I sit back and choose a winner. That’s what you get to do when you are as brilliant as me, so we can save the analysis about her for another time.

I’ve left you with a load of debt. Nothing to do with me as everything is in your name, but I suppose it will give you something to concentrate on alongside wondering what has just happened. I am going to take a few household items too, they are mine after all and I need to make sure my new home has everything. I imagine you will muddle through somehow, not that I care of course, but I might pretend to care if you give me the reaction I am after. I daresay you think I am cold-hearted and callous bastard but you have to understand this is your fault and not mine. If you had just tried harder to please me and keep me happy then I would not have had to look elsewhere. You made me have this affair because you are selfish and do not think about me. It is no point digging out that ridiculous list you have kept of everything that you have supposedly done for me, I know for a fact it is made up, but then you are something of a fantasist after all, at least that is what I have been telling all our friends and families, plus the neighbours, oh and your boss and the chap at the corner shop. Well, I am not having you spreading lies about me by saying I have gone off with some young bit of stuff leaving you in a half-empty house, with no income, a load of debt and the kids to look after. That would make me look bad and I have a reputation to maintain. Don’t even think about telling tales. Nobody will believe you. I have made sure of that and I will see the kids when I can be bothered, but when I do decide to bother my backside you had better not start playing silly buggers or I will have you in court and the judge and everyone else will know about your drink and drug problems. It is no good pretending you don’t have them, I know you do, or at least, I will make it seem like you do.

Well, I think that is everything. I have left a few bits and bobs in case I want to come back and torment you by haggling over a toaster and that collection of coloured vinyl records. Don’t think about calling me or hassling me, people already think you are a nut job. So, this is it. As I mentioned, at least I am telling you it is over, so you know. See, I am considerate after all. I would say good bye, but is more like au revoir, but when I say so.

Thanks for nothing

N. Arc x”

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74 thoughts on “A Goodbye Letter?”

  1. HG, is it liberating for you to finally be able to ‘come clean’?
    Carrying secrets is tiresome. Is it to you too?
    Do you feel a sense of freedom when you get it all out here?

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      1. Thank you HG. I am glad you find some level of release here.
        Something just occured to me- I had forgotten I had asked this question. Its a while since I posted it. I have had other more recent posts cleared in moderation before that one. Is it because some questions are easier for you to answer than others? Perhaps some you have to give more thought to? Or am I over thinking (the ex accused me of that a lot!) And it’s purely random?
        Thanks

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      2. Sometimes it is because I need to reflect more before answering, sometimes it is because I have less time available to answer, sometimes it is because more posts come in and push older ones further back. It is a variety of matters.

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  2. Well this letter makes me envy Matilda all the more. Hers hopefully won’t be a copy of this signed HG Tudor. But you don’t play those games with your fans right? You are going to write something golden for her to cherish. Are you going to spray some creed on it and seal it with a kiss? Lol!
    J.J. (jealous jaeger)

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  3. These missives, as you call them, are letters of words, many victims would have liked to heard or read from their narcissists. Under what circumstance would a Greater and aware narcissist share these truths with a partner, if ever?

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  4. Dear Narc,
    I know, I’m supposedly owned by you but, guess what? I escaped! You see, I realized I was worth more. I found your tool box and left it out in the rain. But do not fret, here is a can of W40. I’m sure you will find another toy. There, there. Oh, I didn’t wait for you to line up your new fuel supply? I guess that’s just the breaks, man. Your an ok looking chap when your not begging and hoovering, chin up, you’re better than that! Oh and I changed the locks, blocked access to my social media, and you never had access to my closest friends. Oops, no lieutenants in my ranks? Gotta keep up with this weaponized Empath. I left my phone number open because I know you will call, crying and begging…I just want to watch!

    In your sphere 6 foreva! Poor thing. I’ve moved on, but you do make me giggle.

    Ps: I’ve got my eye on that chocolate fireman with the killer bod. Yum!

    Sincerely no fucks,
    Indy

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    1. Oh Indy,
      I love your closing! This is why I wish we could post the occasional meme here.
      Imagine if you will a picture of blue skies over vast, burnt and brown farmland. The caption reads, “Behold the field in which I grow my fucks. Lay thine eyes upon it and see that it is barren.”

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      1. Yes, I’m not as creative though I thought of “do you think I spend my day foraging fucks?” Or “only the freshest fucks are foraged and I’m sorry to say, yours are stale” (reference to stale fuel) 😂 Ok corny…corny fucks aren’t collected! Sigh, that’s all I got 😝

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      2. MLA
        I do actually tell people I have zero fucks to give but I have never referred to growing my own, and I am a gardener so its perfect. Thank you. Another thing I do to people who annoy me is to stare at them for a second with a completely straight face, hold up one finger as if to say hang on a second, then dive my hand into my pocket, purse, drawer, whatever is nearby and then produce my middle finger in their face and with my face still completely straight and with a cheery voice say: Look what I found!!!!

        I dont know why more people dont like me. Sigh.

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      3. NA, I think I’ve finally met the person who wears their heart on their sleeve more than me. At least when it comes to people pissing them off. lol

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      4. I actually have that quote as my Facebook cover picture, except it’s in the style of a medieval tapestry. 😉

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      1. Hi indy

        I remember you because of your cat threat … gld to hear you are fine!!! I judge your fine by what i read. Are you good and happy?
        Im fine thanks. At the moment working alot and looking forward to summer holidays and other plans 😃😃.
        GREETZ

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      2. I am doing well, thanks!! I cannot wait for summer, looking forward to some trips too! Are you going anywhere fun or far or both?

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      3. Im going back home in colombia and do a sailing trip to the border with panama where the oceam is light böue and isöands virgin. Its. alled the latin polinesia. I cant wait and im sooo excited. I will be mainly at the ocean my home. 😃😃with family and extended family.. kids, mom, cousins, aunts and uncöes.. And you Indy??

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      4. Wow that sounds like an amazing vacation!! Well, mine will not be as spectacular though I’m looking forward to it. I’ll be traveling in the US to the beaches of cali to visit family and the mountains of Colorado for some touring and some camping in Appalachia.

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      5. Indy
        Camping is just practising to be homeless. Now why would you want to do that? Are you preparing for Trumpaggeddon? Better take some Mountain Dew in case someone thinks you “got a purty mouth”.

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      6. Hi NA,
        Now that I am older, I camp in the mountains in nice cabins with hammocks and hot tubs and coffee pots with a mountain view by the river. I used to be a hard-core hiker or camper aandsleeping on the hardest ground with barely a sleeping bag. Yeah, it lost its thrill once I hit 40s . My son used to hate me for those trips though now he like s them with the guys around a campfire and such lol

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      7. And yes good practice for when Korea blows us off the map…or maybe Iran or Russia or all three when they team up. 🤣

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      8. Nikitalondon, i remember going back and reading some of HG’s first articles, and you used to comment there. How are you? Are you still with your narc? Do you feel you’ve reached zero impact?

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      9. Hi Jenna!!! You make me laugh! “your Narc” I never used those words. I dont understand why people use that. It was a BF and once ended he is my nothing.
        No im not together with him anymore … lomg lomg time Jenna. Breakup Jan 2016 . Yes I have reached zero impact or lets say even below zero impact. I once the nice memories made me melancholic to think why things ended like that… now i only shake my head or even laugh about how blind I was. Its true that I would have not made it without this site. The only person ( HG) who helped me understand what happened and mainly MY FEELINGS. The 3 battle articles was priceless for me. My ex He left and I found peace, tranquility, I started sleeping again normally.. and one day he re-appeared and I said to my self. No way to go back to the same hell I had with him. So the answer to his very first hoover was ” im not taking your bullshit anymore, leave me in peace, dont contact me anymore” and I never responded to any of his hoovers. Short time ago after 15 or 16 months of not having seen him, he came to get some things he had here. I saw him and me and my kids wanted to run away. l said very little and closed the door until he was finished taking his things out of the cellar. What an uncomfortable moment. Ughhhhhg ” what did I ever see in this person” although you can still see in him the reasons why he was an international model and commercial TV figure despite his age… to me he is disgusting.
        so he felt disrespected because i did not offer him water nor a seat … he told me ” your attitude sucks” via SMS.., I remember laughing non stop for an hour .
        TO WHOMEVER READ THIS MESSAGE
        ITS okay not to be nice to people who hurt others on purpose. Its okay not to answer any pleas for help WITHOUT ANY GUILT” , there are people who are bad in their nature . NOT EVEN GOD CAN HELP THEM. Get away as fast as possible!!!!!!
        By protecting yourself and getting the hell AWAY !!!! from genuinely BAD people you can love yourself and help others who might be confused but are kind in their hearts. Be kind to yourself and to others who deserve it. GET AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO LIE, HURT AND CREATE CHAOS IN YOUR LIFE .To the first intentional bad comment.. leave .
        I remember one month into the relationship I went party with my ex, and nobody beats partying still at my age ( not 20 anymore) 😂😂😂😂 and at the end of the party he tells me ” you are amazingly pretty , exotic and fun, but let me tell you you are not the prettiest woman I have dated”… WTF ???
        I should have know with this comment what was waiting for me. A year of tears , anxiety and dissapointments.
        Another ex told me ” Seems you did not use your brain” because I forgot something… WTF
        So yes Jenna. Im below zero impact. I love myself and others. I enjoy life, i hang out with wonderful and happy people!!!! No need for anybodies bullshit. ZERO TOLERANCE WITH THESE PEOPLE!!! NO MERCY. BLOCK!!!
        BE HAPPY 😃😃😃😃

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      10. Nikitalondon, i’m so happy for you! Thanks for the summary. Some day i want to reach zero impact too. But as a co-dependent, i don’t know if that’s possible. However, my ex is not malign, violent, or physically abusive, which makes it easier for me to engage with him. Mostly, he future fakes though.

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      11. Wish ypu good luck with stopping being a cpdependant! Walter riso is very good at helping codependants but I dont know and d dont think he has translated his work into English. 😩
        By the way, what is future fakes??

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      12. Jenna once ypu get rud of your codependency you will reach impact zero. Work hard on it and find freedom, its a wonderful feeling! Being free from any dependency, call it person, things, money, or situation is the BEST way to live life!!

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  5. Dear Midrange Narc,

    Thanks for wasting two years of my life. You could have at least had the balls to say you were not interested or that you were involved with someone else. Instead of giving me the silent treatment and putting me on the shelf. But no you are too much of a coward. You would rather future fake and tells me lies. Well your loss. I’ve seen your new squeeze and I will be sending over HG Tudor and he will steal her away from you because he is better than you. And he will steal all your precious fuel. All your sources will belong to him. Kidding HG! Lol!
    Actually I will just keep reading Mr. Tudor’s books, so that I will no longer want a stupid Fuckboy like you.
    I hate you however, I still want you. And that makes me hate you even more.
    By the way I found your balls up here on the shelf. Not that you’ll ever need them. And this whole time I thought your crazy ex wife had full custody of them. Oh look my favorite game is up here. Time to play a little pin the balls on the mid range narcissist.

    Sincerely,
    Codependent

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      1. ‘I hate you however I still want you’.
        That could be spoken from either side.

        If thats what love is, I havent missed a thing.

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      2. They say there’s a thin line between love and hate. May be it wasn’t love really in the first place after all….

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      3. ANK
        You are right. It was never love. I was just in love with an illusion. I don’t hate him for who he is. I just hate the behavior.

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      4. Serena,
        You are right. I hate his behaviour not him as such because underneath it all I still want to take care of him, make him happy and look after him, which is what you do when you love someone.

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      5. And yes we were in love with the illusion, the knight in shining armour, except under the armour was not a knight but a villain.

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  6. Dear ex, i loved you, and you said you loved me more. Then you stopped saying it. Thus, i could no longer be intimate with you. I felt i did something to make you stop loving me. But it turns out you are unable to love. You don’t have that emotion. Could you not have told me that at the beginning? But you actually thought what you were feeling was love? It’s not your fault either. I wish you could feel love for longer. It’s a wonderful feeling really. Thank you for checking on my well being regularly now that we are just friends. I appreciate it. I know you are trying to do the right thing. Signed, co-dependent.

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  7. Dear Narc,

    I know you think you had me worked out but you were mistaken. In addition to be loving, joyful and trusting, I am extremely perceptive, know my self worth, and am highly intelligent. You did lie to me and in doing that you fought unfairly. My guard was down. But the playing field is now level because I know the truth of what you are and what you are doing.

    You thought I would crumble but you were wrong. Yes, I can make myself vulnerable because it is necessary in a relationship. This is important for intimacy and building mutual trust, but you wouldn’t know about that. You didn’t realise that underneath it all I am a gazelle, a pheonix, a queen leopard. I am anointed with the light and I therefore I have inherited all power on earth in the same way that you were anointed by the darkess that dismanted your humanity. You cannot destroy me because I am indestructible.

    I’m sure you are suspicious about what I’ve been doing. Your suspicions are correct – I’ve been busy making my life beautiful and meaningful without you. Unlike you, I can go ahead as if you never existed. But you will go through life on an endless tirade to find the thing that is empty within you but complete in me – the power to truly love oneself and others.

    Good luck,

    P.S. Your dick is not that big and you have no stamina. Yes, I don’t need to lie anymore either!

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  8. HG,
    Does it ever occur to you that to keep the intensity flowing you need to maintain the same level of giving in order to continue receiving the same treatment?
    I know, I know…too much fuel used, soon to be boring….
    Just from my experience…if you expect the car to keep running ….you gotta put gas in the tank.

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  9. So you (narcs) are like parasites that cause a chemical imbalance with ripercussions on the emotional and physical system.
    Once you enter the host you can’t be expelled and you keep on feeding until the host is dead.
    Comes to mind the Candida Albicans. It’s not a parasite but a yeast. In normal health conditions it is kept under control by the body but if the diet is too rich in sugars (!), simple or complex, or under other circumstances due to aggressive medical therapy, the Candida overgrows and takes over. It causes chronic fatigue, mood disorders, distress, brain fog, hormonal imbalance, memory loss, depression, anxiety and in some cases hallucinations and violent behavior.
    Sounds a good comparison.

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  10. Dear Mid-Range Victim Narc,

    I hope you’re enjoying all the fuel you’re getting from that ugly skank you replaced me with. Do you realize your friends are all rolling their eyes behind your back about how far down you traded? Have you noticed that your children won’t even be Facebook friends with her, but still communicate with me?

    You said you hoped someday I would have “warm and positive” memories of you. When that happens, pigs will be airborne and hell will be full of icebergs. I hear that after I told you I hated you and never wanted to communicate with you again, you went into panic mode for fear I’d say something bad about you to your friends and family. What’s wrong? Didn’t you do a good enough job pre-smearing me before you dumped me?

    Here’s a newsflash: The health problems I was having (which started my devaluation because you couldn’t be bothered with pretending to care) have all disappeared. No doubt they were brought on by the stress of our dysfunctional fake relationship.

    No, I’m not over you yet. But someday I’ll get to a point where I’m completely relieved that you’re out of my life. You, however, will still have to live with your miserable self.

    Good luck with that.

    Sincerely,
    Recovering Narcoholic

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  11. massive expenditure of energy in self-projection. the only relationship is the self-relationship and you lie to yourself, so you project that mistrust onto others, which is different from worldy mistrust.

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  12. Oh My… I didn’t mention this HG – but he said that – “You lasted longer than the one before, whatever her name was. Something to be proud of isn’t it, there haven’t been many who have held on to me as long as you have” including ‘You should consider yourself lucky”… And of course… “I will triangulate you with her at some point so you can find out all about why I chose her and we may as well have a little competition where I pit you and her against one another and I sit back and choose a winner. That’s what you get to do when you are as brilliant as me, so we can save the analysis about her for another time.”

    You are simply remarkable, HG.

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  13. Dear Mr Cerebral Midrange Victim Narchole;
    I cant believe looking back now that i didnt see you for what you were. Now when i look at you thru my minds eye you have a huge neon sign above you flashing poor me boo hoo. My standards were so low back then that i ignored so many of your traits that now sicken me to the point i cant stomach thinking about you. What ever attracted me to you ill never know. You were mediocre funny, your trivia infatuation with tv and music was cool but theres more to life than what year did Quincy first aire. You made yourself out to be so much more than you ever were. Living with your parents in your 30s was a huge turn off. I cant believe i bought into your “i have to get back on my feet then ill get a place of my own” story. 10 years later youre still living with mum and dad. I feel so embarressed for you. You could be so much more but you always make excuses for yourself why you cant. If it doesnt interest you you cant be bothered. We cant forget about how youve been suffering depression and anxiety yet you put on the charm and lure your next meal ticket in with no issues. Hearing about your engagement years ago made me have a sliver of hope for you only to find out of your divorce 2 yrs later thanks to your email hoover. Again you were the victim and she was the mean nasty monster that made you run back to mummy and daddy. I started to figure you out before i even knew what you really were. You continue to email hoover me but your emails are piled up mountain high unopened. All i can feel for you is embarressment, sadness and a tiny bit of disgust.
    Ive now moved on to a greater narcissist who has charm and personality leaps and bounds ahead of you! It seems i hadnt learned my lessons in narcissism in time after our, whatever you want to call it, ended.
    This is goodbye forever and our narc agreement comes to a final end whether you agree or not. Wishing your future victims the knowledge to see thru your pathetic facade and disengage promptly.
    Sincerely,
    Not quite healed but getting there

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  14. My narc and I met on a dating site so, it was awhile before we met. We talked and texted constantly. Our phone conversations were of him asking me many times, “Am I willing to obey and submit?” I thought he was just kidding with me. But, definitely wasn’t. We aren’t together any longer.

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  15. HG,
    You are magnificent! This letter was so real-the only part omitted was admitting to triangulation but he did say I don’t want both of you to see each other because there might be a fight, and of course, I don’t want to see that happen. Ha Ha, right! Awesome HG, thank you 🙂

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  16. Dear Middle-Mid-Range, largely victim, not quite confident enough to be fully somatic (and nor should you be….. you really *aint* all that) definitely not cerebral, fake ‘good guy’, con merchant.

    In reply to your previous correspondence……

    …..

    k thnx bye.

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  17. I bet HG is thinking aww bless ’em….. all fired up and beating their tiny fists against our mighty facades! Ughhh (yep there’s that ‘ughhh word from me again!…. i should have it as my strapline)

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