32 thoughts on “The Igniters of Fury – No. 8”

  1. Yeah, but I flew around the wrold to see him and he turned up late to everything. I guess it is a case of what bothers you is a tool to be used against us?

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    1. I too flew miles to be with him and he turned up 3 hours late to collect me from the airport and didn’t apologise but mocked my anger. Shoulda got straight back on the flight back.

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      1. The greater ‘missed him flight’.. which left me stranded in a foreign country, as everything was booked in his name, and flew in the next day.
        I just remembered it. So next time I left a day early before him.
        Before I knew what he was. See even then I knew I had the Super Empath in me.

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  2. Is there not a narcissist alive who can appreciate being fashionably late? What is it with you guys and being on time? Good Lord. You are the bane of my existence.

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  3. What? HG Tudor are you awake at this hour? That was very very quick in moderation I was expecting it to go into the blog by early morning. Get some sleep already you crazy narcissist. Ha ha. I love u

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  4. Turning up late? TURNING UP LATE?? Pfft!!!! But it was ok for the tHiNg to always turn up EARLY!! Used to piss me off something chronic!! No boundries. NONE! Then….of course, Id be in trouble for not being ready to go. Ugh!!!! So glad not to be putting up with that BS now.
    Thanks HG.

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  5. See I always thought that he was not legitimately angry. I guess he was though. I was always on time but once in a while well….shit happens. This one night I was waiting outside for him to come and get me and I stepped into a store to buy gum. It took all of a minute but he showed up and he didn’t see me and good Lord !!!

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  6. Psssshhhhtttt! Again posting about the stuff YOU guys do! He was always late. Always! Never cared if I was though. Nope. Had the “nice guy” persona all the time. I never gave him any crap for being late. I wonder now if he’d have flipped out if I had reacted differently.

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    1. It’s their over-inflated sense of own importance Gabbanzobean.
      I got annoyed with constant excuses and I have told him: When you are late you basically telling me that 1. You not value my time, 2. Other things are more important to you. Next time I won’t wait for you.
      He didn’t like it but since then he was always on time.

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  7. HG question for you… My ex used to fake the fury to keep me in place. I could tell the difference straight away as it was more akin to what I would describe as anger but the difference was in the recovery time. There was no cooling off period or calming down it was just on and off like a switch. Have you covered this in an article and I’ve missed it? Is it a common weapon that your kind employ?

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  8. I’ve gone MIA bc he was late. It is one of my peeves so turnabout is fair…I won’t be late. I just won’t be there if you aren’t there. You get a call and text. if no response, the 15 minute rule takes place. Sera.

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    1. Excellent time boundaries, Jaded! I used to let people mess with my time boundaries a lot, even clients that showed up late. I had to stop accommodating them and set a firm, no I will not see you an hour late, even if I am available. It sets a precedence. My ex would cancel after being late. I ended up doing it back to him toward the end, to show him how it felt. Not that he developed any understanding, given what he was, though I thought in my silly mind I could still reach his understanding side. The game was so not worth it for me. If I have to play games and tit for tat, then I am done.

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  9. This I agree with, punctuality is important. It is a criticism to a narcissist. Why lateness ignites fury. For me it is just respectful for work and sociallly to be punctual.

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  10. He would usually visit me, and nicely enough, he was very punctual. The few times i visited him, if i was a little late, he didn’t mind.

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      1. HG, but this was after we ‘broke up’ but before he moved away, so i would still see him from time to time.

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      2. So he was hovering you, thus he would be benign towards you. Hence he would tolerate your tardiness for the sake of the fuel that would be gathered.

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      3. I went to the movies Saturday with my exhusband. I messed up my time and ran way late. I was afraid it would ruin our whole day, bc he has never had any tolerance for tardiness. When I blew into the theatre at the last minute he didn’t say a word but was dripping with cold fury. Even though the theatre was packed, we still got our favorite seats. He thawed out then and when I apologized again, he said it was alright bc it ended well. After me treating him to dinner at a nice restaurant, I was forgiven. But of course, that diesnt

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      4. HG
        just for curiousity:
        when the fury happens with the “lateness” excuse ( i call it excuse because before he would never get furious for it, and also he has been the one to be late most of the time) what stage he is with me?
        i am very curious because JUST TODAY he was diabolically furious and disgustingly verbally abusive with me because i couldn’t be “there” when he wanted me…. even though i had duties to attend..and he knew it, was horrendous..
        You see he has been hoovering and live-bombing me now for weeks to try to prevent my escape.. by which he must be angry about? .. and also i am fighting back after the 2 years of hell (after 8 years of reasonably ” good times”.. )
        is he thinking now to do the first move now to discard me before i escape? I am wondering.
        He did apologised after, i actually exposed in a clever way his disgusting reaction to my lateness.. but later on after he took me to a restaurant we were walking through a nice semi- woods…. he had another outburst of fury ( details are too personal to describe) .. but suffice to
        say that i have the feeling now that
        that was done deliberatly to humiliate me and spoil also the nice
        time we had at the restaurant.. .

        what stage he is with me HG ?

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  11. OMG, I remember those days! You would’ve thought the world was coming to an end if I was late, and I mean by seconds. I was expected to be there between 11:55 to 11:59:59 for a 12:00 date or phone call. Not too early and definitely not late! I don’t miss the anxiety this caused me on a daily basis.
    Of course, now that he’s trying to hoover me, I have no expectations to live up to. I can go days without responding to him and he holds in his fury pretending to be a changed person. Thankfully, I know the truth.

    Sometimes, I just shake my head when I think about the way I allowed myself to be treated bHG – before HG.

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  12. HG
    I am so anxious to receive your answer from my post still in moderation..
    Today he came looking for me because after last night i blocked him again..
    however he knows where to find me eaxily.
    And stupid me i stop, hoping for an intelligent and sensible talk.
    And ho… and behold.. same story.. after the initial apologies etc.. we ended up with his rage again .. and why? .
    Because i will never shut up and letting him walk all over me..
    he is enraged because i am a rebellious doormat .. and i do not hesitate to pull the rug from under his feet..
    😂

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