15 thoughts on “The Igniters of Fury – No. 10”

  1. A narc friend of mines mother, whom I only knew socially, was so upset that she was not invited to my wedding. What? I asked her why as we barely knew each other. She said well I’ve known you for years. I actually cried because you had not invited me. I said you mean I’ve known your son for years.. she said well it’s like I am your friend too, I know everything about you. Wouldn’t you say we are friends? I said, we are aquainted. That ignited the fury and she said well, I guess I have no reason to speak to you ever again….stomped off. She was very icy with me whenever I was around her again. She’s dead and no I didn’t go to the funeral.Yes her narc son chastised me for that. Ugh, like mother like son? No offense HG.

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  2. So are you simply angry right now or what? You don’t like the fact that I’m not interested in someone fake? Are you angry because you can’t feel the emotion love?

    Are you upset that I’m not jealous of all the pretty demons you’ve slept with? I can tell they’re demons… why would an entity hiding in a body make me jealous? I’m just sad that there’s no one left.

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  3. Yeah I remember when you were trying to use my mind to come up with the chemical formula for love. You came to me because your species is dying and you’re running out of fuel.
    I gave you all the equations for the pheromones and hormones… the extended eye contact and the scientific reactions the body goes through.

    It’s not working is it?

    Because love is spiritual and cannot be artificially produced. The only way for you to evolve is to feel your own pain and mourn the loss of your childhood. You have to face the ugliness of yourself or you’re all just going to disappear.

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  4. Worse than ‘not inviting us’ is wanting to invite you but already being aware enough of your behaviours to not want to risk it. But also to deal with not inviting you because that is, strangely, the lesser of two evils.

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  5. At the beginning of our relationship I invited him to my parent’s thanksgiving get together. They actually lived right down the street so me and my friend decided to head down before him. I told him what I was doing and for him to just come to the house when he was ready. An hour or two passes and he’s still not there. I text him and ask when he’s coming and he’s furious because I left without him – “we should have gone TOGETHER” – and informed me he wouldn’t be coming at all. Nevermind we’d had a conversation about what I was doing before I left his house and he showed no signs of being upset at the time. First real big red flag I ignored.

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  6. I invited my ex to everything because she had me so conditioned to be with her every second. And then she would just play her games and try to come up with ways not to go with me so I would become upset. Always ended in me begging and tears.
    Now when I was invited I was expected to say yes immediately. If I hesitated because I wasn’t sure what was on my calendar she would say “it’s ok I can get someone else to go”.
    I couldn’t win at that game.

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    1. Hi snow white
      If you dont mind how were you able to attend everything asked of you seeing it was an affair? Youd think that would be factored in on your exes part? Also how were you able to invite her to functions without people noticing you were with someone else?
      Great to see you moving on and doing so well congrats! 🙂

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      1. Hi Narc Affair!
        How are you?
        She was my best friend and I truly believed for a long time that’s what we would always be but I wasn’t the one with a plan.
        In the first year she would come to my house to watch movies and would attend some family gathering but as my husbands distaste for her grew we did more things together away from my family. My daughter also did not like her and didn’t trust her.
        She took me everywhere and away for a few weekends. At this time I still firmly believed that there was nothing wrong with what we were doing. Of course red flags were waving everywhere.

        Once it crossed the line I had her at my house mostly when my husband was away on business. I then found myself covering all sorts of tracks. I don’t know how I lived like that for as long as I did. I denied the affair for a long time.
        If I tried to say no to her plans she made me feel guilty. I knew from the early days to just find a way to make it happen. I didn’t want her to be mad and I didn’t want a silent treatment.
        It was easier to argue with my husband and still defend her than to not go through with what she wanted.

        It is true what HG says about how they don’t care what we are doing and only care about their needs. She knew I had a full plate with my special needs son and everything else but the only thing that mattered was her. I was accused many times of not being there for her when that was the furthest thing from the truth. I cared and loved her more than anything.
        Thanks you for saying that. It means a lot. One year later and I’m still with my family and I’m sure she is beyond mad that she didn’t succeed in her plan.
        Hope you are doing well.

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    2. Hi snow white
      Im doing good thx 🙂
      Your situation has many parallels to mine. Although i can see where in some respects the affair was easier to hide seeing it was a friend. Maybe easier isnt the right word but different.
      Was she your closest friend or did you have others? I have a few friends but the narcs become my “best” friend in that we spend the most time together and i can see this is where i went wrong and isolated myself. Its also caused a dependancy i need to slowly break free from.
      Your ex sounds almost borderline in the way described. Very volitile and impulsive with emotions and reacting. My narcs the opposite in that hes very calm and always understanding but ive figured out and im sure im one of a few secondary sources he has which ive accepted. Still its not a good situation and toxic. I can relate with covering tracks its exhausting. Theres no excuses for my part in it all.
      Im very thankful youve shared your experience bc it has been an example thats in the back of my mind of someone who had the strength to walk away and rebuild their life. You definitely should be proud of that and also being true to yourself and who you are in terms to being bisexual. Even if its just on the forum here its a step in the right direction. No one should hide who they are but i csn certainly see why. Have a great mothers day!! 🌹

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      1. Good evening Narc Affair!!
        It definitely made it easier and I can see if it had been a male I would have thought much differently about some of the behaviors.
        I had a few others friends but she quickly became my best friend and like you I isolated everyone so I could be with her every minute. I just thought that she was different, special, and my soul mate. I wasn’t thinking of her in any other way. But she kept pushing the boundaries and I went along with it because I was sooo comfortable with her and I trusted her.
        I also became dependent on her and that was her exact plan. I would have been divorced with two kids. She told me I could quit my job and she would take care of all my bills and everything else. I would have had no one but her and her girlfriend. I was headed for a bad situation and didn’t realize it until HG started answering my questions.

        I have no excuses either but I also believe that everyone makes mistakes. No one is a saint.
        Walking away from her was the hardest thing I have ever done.
        Thank you for everything that you said and your story has helped me also.

        What relationship do you have with your Narc now? How long has it been going on?

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  7. Yes, OMG . Comes to mind “Sleeping Beauty” and the revenge of the Wicked Fairy Mother for not being invited to the princess’s christening. Interestingly, in the film “Malificent” (a revision of Sleeping Beauty, with Angelina Jolie as Mistress of Evil) the audience is invited to understand and even empathize with the revengeful evil fairy, as it is revealed that many years ago, when she was still trusting, young and naive, she was used and abused by an ambitious and unscrupulous social climber.

    Also, when Eris the goddess of strife finds out that she was not invited to the party on Mount Olympus, she throws the golden apple of discord inscribed with the words “for the fairest” into the party (Olympian Triangulation?). The attendant goddesses Hera, Athena and Aphrodite fought over for whom it had been meant, and Paris was appointed by Zeus to select the most beautiful. Aphrodite is chosen, because she bribes Paris with the love of the most beautiful woman (Helen of Sparta) Paris takes Helen to Troy and the Trojan War ensues.

    The force and consequences of failing to invite you!!

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    1. narseeker

      Excellent post. It is amazing how literature captures the narcissistic experience through allegorical narratives. Olympian Triangulation: how awesome is that! Aphrodite bribing Paris and ultimately causing a war (pathological jealousy, control and fuel). Mount Olympus was lousy with narcissists and rife with drama just like real life!

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    2. Spoiler Alert! If I was a narcissist I’d say “you spoil everything! I have not seen that movie (I have)” I would also say “I am the fairest. Helen of Troy has got nothing on me. Don’t you think?”
      HG taught me everything I know.

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