Watching You Crumble

watching-you-crumbleWe don’t provide support. We are too concerned with ourselves and our daily hunt for the fuel that we need to be concerned about you. We are engrossed in our own world and have no interest in yours. The only time we pay attention to you is when you are providing us with fuel or you stop providing us with fuel. Everything we do is focussed around us. This is because we have to obtain fuel, as without we will disintegrate. The hunger for this fuel is never ending and accordingly all of our energy must be applied towards obtaining it. This leaves us with nothing left over for anyone else.

Being a caregiver yourself, you would like to think that the person who you share your life with, or who you work closely with, would be amenable to providing you with support. That may mean giving you emotional support when you are experiencing a difficult time or taking the strain allowing you to lessen the burden on yourself. You give and you are happy to do so, therefore why should they not do so as well? That is the outlook of someone normal operating by the norms and rules of your world. Those do not apply to us. We cannot provide you with support since we have nothing available to do so.

Added to that we do not know how to provide emotional support. Yes we can see how chores can be done and the like. We also have observed the ways that you provide emotional support to other people and we know the phrases that are used, the expressions that are formed on people’s faces and the gestures that are made. We have seen all that and we could trot all that out. In fact we have done in the past. We did this when we were seducing you. When we wanted you to divulge about your weaknesses and vulnerabilities this will have invariably saddened you and upset you. It may even have caused an episode where you need emotional support. We were happy to go through the motions then because we were at the stage of investing in your in order to get our fuel. We were content to make the right noises, give you a hug and make the panacea that is the cup of tea. All of this was learned from others. We did not feel anything for you. We could not put ourselves in your shoes (heaven forbid that would ever happen) and we could not empathise with what you were experiencing and nor can we ever do that. Yet again, we conned you into thinking that we are a caring and selfless person. We demonstrated such an approach when we were first together and that attracted you to us. This raised expectations that you could rely on us and turn to us when the need arose. It is all false.

Furthermore, when you need support and expect it from us, you are showing to us how you are weak. We despise weakness. You will find that our kind is rarely found near children, the infirm and ill and the elderly. This is because they are all weak and want support regularly. We do not want to be reminded of that fact. We cannot be bothered with you cluttering up our route to fuel. An exhibition of weakness infuriates us. A normal person would see someone in a position of weakness and deign to help and assist. We have seen how this is a natural reaction in normal people. It will not happen with us.

If you are fortunate, we will absent ourselves from the situation in an instant. We will generate some urgent reason; find a pressing engagement we had forgotten about in order to ensure we can get away from you and your ailment, woe or injury. You probably will never see us move as quick when it comes to getting away from somebody who needs help. If we are unable to exit the situation then we may just stand and look at you. You could be reaching out to us, eyes filled with tears of pain, asking for help and we will just give you a blank stare. We know we ought to be helping you, convention and observation has told us this, but we cannot do so. We are unable to leave but we are also unable to help you. This requires compassion and we do not have any. It requires us to us our energies to help you out and we are forbidden from doing so.

Our ultimate reaction where you need support from us is to go on the offensive. The uncomfortable feeling that you have generated inside of us makes us feel less powerful and smacks of inferiority. We know of only one way to banish such a sensation. We need to reassert our power and that means we must lash out at you. It becomes necessary to subject you to further insults and denigrating comments, at a time when you are feeling hurt and vulnerable.

“What are you crying for? I have had worse happen to me.”

“I am sick and tired of you being pathetic. Deal with it.”

“I bet (insert name of triangulated individual) would not make such a song and dance about it like you do.”

“It’s only a dog, you can get another one. Seriously, what a display over a dumb animal.”

“You are hysterical, you need to get help.”

“Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about.”

“That’s right; make it about you on my special day.”

We will lash out at you with these words in order to make you feel worse and ourselves feel better because that is all we care about. We fooled you into thinking that we care about you. That is a fallacy. Do not expect us to support you.

Demonstrating our legendary hypocrisy we will expect you to always be there for us. When we have a need you must attend to it straight away, even if you are experiencing difficulties yourself. When we have a scratch we expect you to make it better even though you might be bleeding to death before us. As with so much of our behaviour we do not regard the way we act towards you as meaning you should behave the same way towards us. If you chopped us in half you would most likely find this stencilled through us like lettering on a stick of rock

“Do as I say, not do as I do.”

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86 thoughts on “Watching You Crumble”

  1. ‘Do as I say not as I do’ was my husband’s favourite and probably most used phrase. It was one of the reasons I realised how warped he was.

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    1. I grew up listening to that. I never liked it but I didn’t argue either. I promised myself I would never say those words to my own children. My ex would say things along those lines and I swear I would have ‘flashbacks to Nam’. I’m sure he was very pleased with himself to elicit such raw emotion. He’s actually lucky I got some control about me or he may be here today. Lol.

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  2. Hello Mr. Tudor and fellow commentators. Happy early US mother’s day to all the moms.
    Mr. Tudor, I’m curious to know if you enjoy food. Not just as a need or for sustenance. Is anything delicious to you? Do you savor bites? Does anything taste heavenly to you? Do you have a sweet tooth?

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  3. Well that’s a great idea Narc Rock saying just that and without being rude we can watch the narc choke on it.
    You have just explained the answer to a situation I was in. I felt sorry for this man as he seemed forgetful and now I realise why. I knew I did not say the things he said I said or asked. A word springs to mind: twat. He asked me what he was called in my phone. I said Arse. He was mortified saying that’s not nice my reply well I like it and it’s my phone. Honestly. I left home as did not want to be treated like a child anymore so no thanks just jog on. He had found out my weaknesses and he used them at inappropriate times that did not make sense. So I just ignored him. Apologies dearest narc, no fuel here. Did you hear me jog on.

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    1. I was crying in this situation aboutique something not related to him but he stood and stared at me. Cold as ice. Then rude to me. I went for a cuddle from him. He wrapped his arms round me for 30 seconds tops and said he had to go. We walked off but he never even offered me his hand. So cold. It’s such a shame being a damaged big child and what’s worse is there is no cure as such which as a narc does make me a little sad. Just a little though as I have learnt now I must and can only look after myself. I have been taught a valuable lesson and I don’t regret it as it has been the lesson I needed to learn to complete me. But still as I said narcs can jog on, authenticity only from now on.

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      1. I’ve experienced this SVR.

        The exact facial response was as if i’d just taken a shit in his cornflakes. I know this because the week before, I did actually take a shit in his cornflakes.

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      2. SVR Trying to lean on something or someone that you think is there, but isn’t can make you fall over!
        It’s good you know you can cope on your own, resilience is the only way to go.

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  4. Yeah ok. It’s the human species that is the bad seed… the descendent of the snake. Great. Get me out of here. You’ve all made a giant garbage dump of this planet and you’re inherently evil in addition to being stupid.

    You’re senses are beyond numb, there’s simply no logic available within your kind. You wanted to be better than all the other animals but still…

    YOU’VE GOT NO LEGS
    to stand on.

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    1. Iseeyou, do you need help? in the nicest possible way you sound quite disturbed. Please see a doctor or a therapist, I mean this kindly. Please know you are amongst friends here, and HG is also trying to help you.

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    2. ISeeYou
      You ought to know by now, the one way to hurt HG, is “no contact”. Show us how it’s done.

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    1. A bunny boiler with tourettes logged into a Narcissist site, and the owner of the blog said…

      “You’re not. You’re just making yourself look idiotic. Oh and racist.”

      Ba dum tish!

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  5. @ the other commenters…
    No. I’m speaking directly to the owner of the blog. The person know who I am. Don’t worry about it… just an inside joke. I’m giving him some variety for his “fuel.”

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    1. Are you an previous IPPS and you escaped his clutches to go no contact, but a lieutenant passed on his smear campaign against you, so you tried to induce a hoover by appearing in his 6th sphere of influence… only to find out he’d moved on to a more attractive tertiary source and was grooming her up to be a replacement IPPS?

      (Try saying that with a mouthful of pickled onion flavoured Monster Munch)

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  6. Children, the infirm, the ill and the elderly.

    Am I to assume that a Narc father basically just ignores and avoids his children? Feels nothing for them whatsoever? Why even bother having children then? Is it just to trap the IPPS basically? Does the IPPS pretty much raise the child themselves? And I thought being a single parent was hard enough. I cannot imagine being a “single parent” WITH a narchole in the background of it all.

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    1. Gabrielle. My husband wanted children. We had 4. He wanted mirrors, like HG said and he wanted legacies. Plus it was expected in our society. He had zero to do with childcare when they were small. He liked to brag (accurately) that he had changed less diapers than he could count on one hand. If he felt a child needed correction, he would tell me that I needed to talk to them. He could not bc he said he might lose his temper and beat them ( possibly a legitimate concern). He did force them into the sports and activities that he valued and would coach them mercilessly – souring all of them on those sports. In his defense he came home EVERY night and gave me his uncashed paychecks for the bills.

      It wasn’t until they were grown that he really showed any interest in them. By that time I had left him and he used them as minions, and for supply. They all feel a responsibility for him. All our children are succesfull and he draws a lot of satisfaction and bragging rights for this.

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  7. So if I’m pointing out how ALL the races worldwide are behaving like narcissistic psychopaths… how is that racist? If I’m saying, LOOK AT THE WHOLE WORLD GOING TO TRASH! Look at how EVERYONE is behaving worldwide! Because I’m picking up on the hateful vibes of everyone in every culture of every color… then how is that racist?

    Are you even honest enough to post this comment?

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  8. Look at the whole world preparing to go into World War III… Look at everyone vying for attention and claiming to be number one! Look out your window at the black concrete and listen to the constant sound of traffic and buzzing electronics.

    Look at everyone making idols of themselves on social media. Look at the fact that people spend less time with their children than perfect strangers known as teachers. Look at how the human family has been effectively separated and our children are being raised by the state.

    Look at how no one is loyal and no one seems to care or notice. Look at how the children are behaving! Look at the filth all over the media!

    So if the world hasn’t gotten worse, then why is there porn all over the internet? Why does “dance moms” exist? What the hell is the Disney channel? What is HBO?

    Why, when our top scientist are clearly stating that our world is dying and in order for the human species to survive beyond the next 10 years, we will have to find another planet… WHY with this knowledge does the human species refuse to stop driving cars and operating weapons?

    Go ahead… post this.

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    1. ISeeYou, I call it like I see it so I’m sorry if this is rude but you honestly sound like a schizophrenic who has gone off their meds. Do you perhaps have a hat made of tin foil? Let’s say HG was your ex. You will never achieve successful smearing of him on this blog. He has helped save far too many of us for that to ever happen.

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      1. I say s(he) has some legit points… however attacking the host is nonconstructive (sp)

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    2. ISeeYou

      Dont look now but youre using the very electronics that are destrpying the planet. Whats that buzz?…………I would toss that tablet/phone out onto the black concrete and save everyone.

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    3. ISY…..
      Since you seem concerned about the state of moral and environmental decline on the earth today, here are some scriptures for you to consider.

      1. Ecclesiastes 1:4 says “there is a generation going, and a generation coming, but the earth remains forever.” The earth will never be destroyed.
      2. Psalms 37:29 says “the righteous will possess the earth, and they will live forever on it.” So there will be a time when the wicked are gone and only the righteous remain on earth.
      3. Revelation 11:18 says in part God will “bring to ruin those ruining the earth.” So the earth will be free from environmental disasters created by men.
      4. 2 Timothy 3:1 – 5 tells us that we “live in critical times hard to deal with.” It goes on to explain people’s attitudes which are evident today.
      5. Psalm 37:10, 11 says “just a little while longer and the wicked will be no more; you will look at where they were and they will not be there. But the meek will possess the earth. And they will find exquisite delight in the abundance of peace.” The peoplr with attitudes mentioned in 2 Timothy above will not be around. Takes care of problem people. That’s judged by God and not us.

      Peace will be accomplished. God cannot lie or die. If he says it, it will come to fruition. You need not worry about all the things you stated. It is disturbing, however God will step in and it will be at the perfect time. In the meantime we need to work on our personalities. Maybe you should focus on yourself instead of attacking others behavior.

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  9. During the silent treatment of my first devaluation I had lost my head, heart and soul. I was writing to him, constantly, begging him, begging and pleading him to stop that torture.
    He never answered. He was writing stories on his site instead. In his stories it was always him bearing the burden of pain and solitude, with dignity and patience.
    He was telling me he was patient with my need to talk to him, because he knew what pain was and he could only be kind to those in pain.
    Then he began to write about this girl he was visiting. she was in a wheelchair, and went on writing about these visits with the most respectful and compassionate words. Always paying religious attention to details. The way she was moving her hands, how her hair were falling on her shoulders or the way the metal tubes of the wheelchair were shining under the sun. He said those were the most meaningful moments of his day and he was grateful to her because she was teaching him how to be a human being.
    It was real torture he was inflicting me and he was delighted by the extent of the burning pain he was putting me through.
    I had forgotten this. I stopped for a moment to think about it.
    I will consign this to oblivion once again.

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    1. Hello Giulia,
      Thank you for sharing your story. My Narc ex used to have special “girlfriends” from time to time. People who he said were much easier to talk to than me, caring, understanding, funny Before he broke me I used to suggest he had them as his girlfriend instead, and I really meant it. But as time went on, he subtley but constantly triangulated me to a point where I genuinely thought I was the envious one, and it was my problem. Never again. Good on you for giving that one the slip as it certainly sounds like torture to me,

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      1. Yes Mrs Linton, they make you feel the unbelievable. They portrey things in the most decent, honest and human way but things don’t add up. Your brain gets electrocuted by your own thoughts gone wild trying to figure out what’s wrong with the picture. Your heart is smashed between love, hate, envy, gelosy, shame and guilt. Your soul is screeming for some help that never comes. And nobody around you can see what’s going on. How do you explain something you don’t understand?

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    1. I’m pleased to report that the bulk of readers post on topic and interesting observations and questions. Then there is the Twilight Zone of posts I have to wade through.

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      1. Well if nothing else, I’m glad to know I’m not the only one sat looking at my phone on a Saturday night 😁

        Is it time to get the popcorn out again?

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    2. If not, it’s part of the “deal”…. HG knows this. I also know it’s not a big deal to moderate. I do so as well, on my blog…. it comes with the job

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  10. The only women that men like this can become fond of are well educated, well travelled, and down to earth but uniquely intelligent. That’s a lot of woman to waste on a man, unless they can keep it light and friend zone stuff. That just will not do for their kind, though.

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      1. Is it any wonder half the world is on meds (prescription or otherwise) with all of these secret lives roaming the Earth? If people could understand that they are not alone no matter what they have endured and get over the shame, they would not be hiding and medicating so much. This blog is a good start. Small ripples of conversation can cause big waves of change.

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      2. Hi NA. How are ya girlee? I get what you’re saying. That was beautiful. I was just joking. I am a big proponent of eastern medicine. I actually avoid any pharmaceuticals. Eastern medicine works miracles but it takes patience and time.

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      3. Love
        I knew you were joking. That was not directed at you-it just brought that thought to mind. I have to be more careful when thinking out loud as sometimes it appears that I am directing it to someone in particular when I really just mean for whomever it applies to. Are you noticing a distinct change in your moods, thoughts, and energies since practising holistic methods?

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      4. Oh my gosh yes NA! My senses are so much more heightened. I recently saw a healer (like a shaman). I am a believer, but understand if what I’m about to write will sound cooky to others. She told me that I’m a very light being. This attracts darker beings to me. Not just people, but entities. She taught me about shielding and protecting myself. I don’t believe in evil … I do believe in lost souls. Anyhoo, it was an interesting session. Thanks for asking. Sorry if that was too much cookiness. 😁

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      5. Love
        I like to hear of peoples experiences. You need never worry about appearing or sounding kooky to me. Nothing shocks me, and In some facets of my life people think me president of the kooky club. We should get members only jackets like in the 80s lol.

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      6. Hi! Fellow member of the Kooky club here. And proud of it. Who wants to be the same as everyone else anyway? In a good way though. Keeping kindness in the kookiness. I wonder if there’s a Kooky iron on patch….(also a fan of the 80s)

        Happy Monday all.

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      7. Love
        I have never watched the movie Grease. Well……….not the one with Travolta and O. Newton John anyway.

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  11. I think the lack of support, when I was hurting emotionally, is what sealed the deal for me to leave him, block him and never look back. In fact, he said those very words to me “What are you crying for?!” His tone was angry. The look on his face, like I was doing something awful to him. No. I do not want to live in crazy Narc land. This was a man with an intelligence about software but negative 10 in emotional intelligence. Without his empathic minions about, he had no clue how to respond to my tears except to attack me. Why was I crying? He will never understand.
    Thank you HG, for posting this wisdom. Reading your writing reminds me of exactly why I left and makes me feel good about going No Contact.

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  12. VFH,
    Popcorn in hand!! 😂 Little mood music?
    Humssss “it’s the end of the world, as we know it, and I feel fine”

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    1. Morning! I enjoyed the popcorn….it was a long show wasn’t it. There’s a similar one over on Show me Greater channel….I couldn’t decide which to watch!

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  13. ISeeYou

    The world does have many problems.
    We all know that.
    But it isn’t all bad ..everywhere or all of the time.. And Im not making light of the terrors in this life ..how could anyone!? But…
    There is still a lot of good in the world aswell and there are many many good people in the mix too.. not everyone is out there hurting and maiming or whatever other horror we can very easily list..
    When things are tough its natural to lash out at times…I get it.
    Having said that it isnt going to help by doing that.. by misdirection for one.

    Look, there is opposition in all things.
    It has been that way since the beginning of time and will always be the case.
    Opposites of good.
    Opposites of bad.

    Opposition in all things.

    Always strive to keep a balance in mind.
    Because that is all anyone can do at the end of the day.
    Because if you wanted or needed to be of any use to anyone for the good you would have to keep a balance in mind in order to be effective in the world at all anyway.
    How do you right the wrongs as you see them if you don’t have a balanced attitude.
    How do you fight for the good and positive that you so crave if you don’t believe it’s there .. how can you fight for something .. right the wrongs, if so buried in negativity.
    Focus on the positive to bring the positive about for yourself and others.

    Whatever wordly woes occur it has nothing to do with HG.
    This blog isn’t the scapegoat for the woes of the world and neither is HG.
    Lets get focused and find a way to organise ourselves and not blame HG for everything thats wrong on the bad days of life.
    Yes there is some serious bad in the world…absolutely…But it doesn’t live on this blog.
    HG doesnt run the world…

    (Not yet anyway lol.)

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  14. Right on the freaking money!

    My ex….Had kids who have mirrored him (all took the same foreign language he took in high school, took same band instrument…he lived vicariously through his teen aged kids activities but admitted he did not like when they were younger–I imagine because little ones are needy). His elderly mom—he’d visit once a month and, most times, sit in a corner and not say a word. I carried conversations with her—and she thought he was just perfect and could do no wrong. She died recently and he did not even go to her beside. She died alone (I would have gone but he restricted me from seeing her). When I was hospitalized for surgery on a tumor, as soon as he heard it was not cancer; he ditched me at the hospital and only came back 2.5 days later to pick me up when I was released. Just icing on the 20 year cake.

    Everyone made excuses for his shitty behavior—including me. His current girl is sitting in jail after being found guilty of prostitution. I am guessing he is probably going NUTS being alone—or, probably more so, is out getting some “attention” from some other poor woman who has no idea what he is. Hoping this jail time might be enough for his girl to wake up and see who he really is—not holding my breath but I hope so. I hate the idea of anyone going through the same crap I went through with him.

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  15. Why? I’ll never understand. Just why. What is the reason for all of it? I read this daily. I lived it. And I just don’t understand.
    Why?

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  16. This fucking bullshit tactic I know well.

    “You probably will never see us move as quick when it comes to getting away from somebody who needs help”.

    HG you are too, too polite. Give us the UGLY details. How about I give you mine.

    Let me see… what did you fucking do to me…(Not you HG, I’m addressing my narc directly now).

    Well, I travelled to YOUR country to MARRY you after are two year relationship because you INSISTED that this be the arrangemen. At the end of our (abusive and raging) honeymoon (your first rage being your wedding day gift to me), we had maybe 7 golden days together before I had to leave your city on a train to another city to take my long haul flight home. You assured me you would follow me to my country 3 weeks later (a promise you MORE than broke).

    It just so happened that the damn train broke down and kept me locked in it in 40 degree celsius summer heat for 4 HOURS such that it was impossible for me to reach the long haul flight. I was literally stranded. The train (by some incredible stroke of luck) broke down just a short 5 minute drive from your house (and 10 minutes from the nearest airport) so I thought to myself, my new husband can help me.

    When you arrived to retrieve me you were huffing and puffing because I had asked for your help. You did not take me to your house to help me work out my new travel arrangements but brought me to a dumb bar where I had to use the dumb wifi to book my travel arrangements while you sat there antagonising and berrating me for being such an impost.

    You did not offer for me to stay in your home overnight so that I could take my flight the next day. Instead I had to pay for my own hotel room, and when I asked you to help me make the reservation because I didn’t speak the language you requested a “single room” for “madamoiselle” and then you dumped me there without even a goodbye. So you denied my status of your wife and then discarded me, a vulnerable foreigner, in YOUR COUNTRY.

    I literally laid on the hotel bed for four hours crying alone within a 10km proximity of your home. Then at 4am I carried my 10kg wedding dress bag, along with 20kg of other luggage, to a dumb taxi to catch the next flight home.

    Let me ask you, where the fuck were you? What the fuck were you doing??? What the fuck was all this about??

    This was my introduction to narcissism – your extreme lack of empathy and the most humiliating experience of being abandoned at a time of such need and when I should have been over the moon having just gotten married.

    I’m sure you got a hell of a lot of fuel that from incident and in the months of abuse, triangulation and rejection (possibly cheating) that followed.

    Fuck you Narc. Nobody treats me this way. I may be trusting, but I’m not stupid.

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    1. Noted.

      Could you expand on this paragraph for me please
      “I’m sure you got a hell of a lot of fuel that from incident and in the months of abuse, triangulation and rejection (possibly cheating) that followed.”

      I am not trying to catch you out, I just want to understand your situation and mind set in greater detail.

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      1. I’m talking about the thousands of abusive text messages, emails and voicemails in the months to follow… the triangulation was him trying to pit his family and his inner circle (including his ex) against me…. the reference to cheating is a suspicion of mine based on my observations of his character and recognising how easy it would have been.

        It’s true, I didn’t end it immediately. How could I, when all my friends and family and colleagues were earnestly happy for me and wanting to hear about my exotic marriage abroad?

        But also I come from a religious background (you may not think so from my swearing), and someone of religious authority said to me that “”you will never know what will happen if you don’t just try and see”. So 5 months later upon Narc’s insistence to try the marriage, he did come to see me and he provided one more brief round of abuse and discard for my enjoyment.

        If you think the wedding story was a hoot, well the second round story is even better but I won’t write about that here. It was in the realm of the extreme.

        In total we have spent 5 weeks together in 10 months of marriage. Do you think he is some sort of master narcissist to have been able to pull this off?

        I am actually just so so so so thankful that his mask fell so early in the marriage that we did not build a shared life together. As I said, I’m not stupid. I know when I’m on the path to certain destruction. There will be no more chances.

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  17. If it’s all about the fuel, why would my narc husband of 20 years, who just walked out on me & his kids out of the blue a few months ago, refuse to see me, his kids, or answer his phone, texts, email? How is he getting fuel from that? Or are the texts & emails from his desperate wife enough to sustain? He has denied another woman. Lying? Why not just admit it? Wouldn’t that make my desperation even sweeter?

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    1. Hello Queen of 3. He may obtain some Thought Fuel at your perceived reactions to this wall of silence. More likely however is the fact that because he is with someone else he is having his fuel needs met mostly by her (and other appliances in the fuel matrix – friends, colleagues etc). Thus you are in effect deleted during his golden period.

      Yes, your desperation might make for sweet fuel but at the appropriate time to him and this is not now. He is better served keeping away from you and keeping you away from him because he is focussed on his new golden period and he does not want you messing that up. He has painted you ‘black’ which means he sees you as a troublemaker and he wants you to stay away from his new IPPS and their golden period. That is why he does not respond to you. This will change when he starts to devalue the new IPPS and he begins to hoover you.

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  18. So I just told you a lot HG. What kind of narc is he? Is he an opportunist in that he was able to quickly assess the situation and take advantage of it to gain supply, or does he act this way because he “loses control”. My thoughts are the former.

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    1. There is quite a bit of information provided in your post but I would need more to form a complete view with regard to his school and cadre and the best way to do that, so I can give you the fullest response is through a private consultation.

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      1. The irony of a narcissistic sociopath asking me why I would stay with somebody who treated me so badly is not lost on me! HAHA! It’s great!! That’s wisdom enough for me for now 🙂

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