Muddy Hell


I have a busy day today. Much to do and many people to do it to but when you have someone’s interests at heart, well, this is what you have to do isn’t it? I have the list of telephone numbers which I have noted down from your telephone when I gained access to it. It was not difficult to do so. Using my famous ability to move around without making much of a noise I stole up behind you and watched you enter the passcode for your phone and I stored that in my memory to enable me to use it when you were sleeping. Naturally I had a good look through all your messages, your diary and e-mails but that is for another discussion. I recognised the names of numerous people and made a note of their numbers inside my little book and then hid that in readiness for when I decided it was time I needed to use it. Now that time has come and it is incumbent on me to take this step.

The first number I enter into my phone is that of Sarah, a friend of yours. She answers after two rings. Like many people she is surgically attached to the ‘phone.

“Hello Sarah it is HG. Listen, I just wanted to let you know, since you are such a good friend of hers, that Gemma is, well I think the easiest way to describe it is that she is not well, not well at all. What do I mean? She has been acting rather strangely. The slightest thing seems to either have her shouting or crying. At first I wondered if it was just, you know, women’s things, but it has been going on for months now. You had no idea? No I know, I have not said anything before because well I was hoping I could help herΒ  deal with it but it is beyond even me. I am going to get her some help. I try and talk to her about it but she just clams up on me, gives me silence and then a little later accuses me of not caring. I don’t think she is sleeping properly either and it takes me an age to get her to eat. Should you come round? No, thank you, that is kind of you, but I don’t want her to do anything which might upset you. She is very erratic in her behaviour but it is something more than just mood swings. I am going to get her the proper help but I am just forewarning you that if she contacts you just be aware that she is not herself. She has been saying things about people, me included, which are not very nice and I don’t want this period of illness to affect her relationship with her friends, you know how some people can be overly sensitive to what someone says and they miss the point they are unwell. Yes, that’s right. Yes I think it would be a good idea if you just give her some space. Yes, absolutely. If she does contact me, let me know, you have my number on your ‘phone now. Yes I will pass on your kind words and thanks for your help Sarah, it is much appreciated at this difficult time.”

I end the call and place a tick next to Sarah’s name. She was most understanding and fully appreciate the need for space in order to allow you to get better. Now, who is next. Ah yes, another of your friends, Helen. I call Helen and explain the situation almost word-for-word as I did with Sarah. She asks more details about what is wrong and I reluctantly tell her about the violence and the lying. She is shocked I can tell and she spends some time searching for an amateur diagnosis as to what it might be. I listen as she drones on, checking my watch and noting I have other names to get through too. Eventually I am able to conclude the call and place another tick. I continue working my way through your list of friends, the ticks adding up. Next is John, your fitness instructor.

“Hello John, this is HG, Gemma’s partner. We haven’t met. Look John, difficult call to make but Gemma is unwell at present. It is pretty serious. Yes, thank you, it is a difficult time but I am doing the best I can to help her. It is unclear at present what it is, I am organising for a doctor to come and see her today but it is making her very difficult to be around. She may be suffering from some kind of breakdown brought on by exhaustion. Yes, it is a worry. I know you would not have thought it to look at her outside of our house but I think this has been brewing for some time, you know, she even started telling me that she was going to marry you. Yes I know that is ridiculous isn’t it? You are alreadyΒ married? I thought you were.Β Don’t worry, I know nothing is going on, I am sure you are far too professional for that kind of thing, but this is part of the problem, she keeps coming out with outlandish comments and I can handle it but I worry others might not so she won’t need your services until further notice. Payment? Well yes if she has an agreement with you then just continue to take her monthly payment after all this is not your fault is it? I will let you know when she is well again but just in case she tries to contact you I think it would be best if you don’t take her calls, I don’t want her causing you any trouble especially between you and your wife. Thank you John, your discretion is appreciated.”

Another tick and a similar call is made to your choral group and your book club. Next is your employer. I made you take today off under the pretence of you gaining a lie in and then us doing something together. We stayed up late last night so you are still fast asleep upstairs allowing me to make these important telephone calls. Your employer is understanding and I can confirm that arrangements will be made to provide the relevant doctor’s note because I explained this situation is likely to last a number of weeks. My preparation thus segues into arranging for the local doctor to make a house call after I explain to the receptionist, in worried tones, that having you leave the house in your current state might be a risk to both you and other people. She was most understanding and confirmed that a doctor would attend after surgery, around 5pm. Next on the list are your family members. I secured the advantage of persuading you to move with me away from them and they are now a flight away. The inconvenience of having to fly and the distance is something I play on as I call your parents and your sister, forewarning them that they may experience some unpleasant comments about them and especially me given her condition. I assure them that I am taking care of you and there is really no need for them to come all this way. I confirm I will keep them updated and they are pleased I have taken time off work to care for you and that I have arranged for a doctor to attend. I spend considerable time reeling off examples of the terrible behaviour you have exhibited, explaining the awful things I have been subjected to and the lies you have told about me, your friends and family. I explain that I can deal with it but I just feel so sorry for your parents and your sister having to hear such things and in order to prevent it happening again the best thing is to contact me and not you and to keep you at arms’ length. I explain I understand that it is hard but it will be the best outcome for all concerned if you are prevented from lashing out and hurting people. My explanations and good intentions are accepted and thanks is offered for my understanding and support.

The final tick is placed on the list and I place both ‘phone and pen down. I really should go and wash my hands now after smearing all that mud around.

38 thoughts on “Muddy Hell

  1. Anonymous says:

    This is so not cool, HG. Not that you’ll care about my opinion. What confuses me to no end is that my ex never did this. See, three of my friends reached out to him towards the end of the relationship when things got bad. Silent treatment, stonewalling, etc. He ignored them all. Wouldn’t this have been the perfect opportunity to smear mud? It was basically served on a silver platter. Is he even a loser among the sociopaths? Hahaha!

    In other news, do. we ever talk about STDs? I don’t know if you can see what people searched for on your blog, but if a bunch of STDs come up, hey it was me! I’m sitting outside waiting for the doctor to finish delivering a baby and look at all the nastiness I might have gotten from him. He had sex with street hookers. Are STDs really of no concern to your kind? Is that how little you treasure your health? I’ve been reading lots about sex with hookers and men and whatnot, without condoms (on other sites). Is it that your kind thinks they’re so superior they are safe, or just a general attitude of not giving a shit?

  2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

    These mid-range and lesser narcissists are usually pretty sloppy and can’t keep their facade together.

    They are also so oblivious – they are so self-involved but you coukd be sitting right next to them texting a man or shit talking and they are on another planet

    They have this like understated arrogance about them and well cluelessness cause they are too busy running their game

    (This does not pertain to the greater)

    The greater is a whole different ball game lol

  3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

    Good thing I kept all but two ‘mutual friends’ separate from of the relationship lol! I kept my life separate from his.

    The best part is that I have people coming to me telling me how right I was and what an asshole my ex is 😎

    I agree though if my so called friend believes something someone said over me they are dead to me because they weren’t a real friend.

  4. Angelic says:


    I am sorry if i gave the impression of being an ungreatful liar or an hypocritical whiner..

    I can see your point.

    I do appreciate every answer and every post you have moderated and posted.

    In fact i should actually have a private consultation with you if i want your answers to my questions.
    Indeed i should.
    It is that i am quite busy with lots or responsabilities.

    Please accept my apologies if i sounded critical or ungreatful.

    That is not the case.
    I was just making a point.

    Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I acknowledge the gracious nature of your apology Angelic. I did not regard you as ungrateful nor critical, merely mistaken. Do continue to post and I will of course moderate them as I make my way through them and I would welcome consulting with you also.

      1. Angelic says:

        Thank you

        I apprecciate it
        So graciuos of you..

        Who is saying that
        Masters Narcissists do not have
        gracious kindness ?


  5. CJF says:

    So I should have accused you of rehashing old stuff. But that would just make you think I have read and reread. I did think I had seen this one before. Watching you crumble is not new though (???) was so spot on and accurate it was creepy. Especially the starring while the person crumbles. I have literally had this done ot me. My response was to punch him in the shoulder to try and get a response as I was unable to speak…which of course he then used to claim he was the victim of a feeble female who was lying down bashing him. I wasn’t angry I was disintegrating.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well no, it is not rehashing old stuff but posting articles again because some people operate on a hand to mouth basis, so they only read what is posted each day rather than going through the archives and longstanding readers like to read articles again in order to gauge how they respond to it a second or third time in order to ascertain their progress (or lack thereof).

      I am pleased you found Watching You Crumble an accurate portrayal of what you have experienced.

    2. ballerina9 says:

      CJF… why would you “accuse” HG of anything? No one forces you here. There’s a lot of info in his articles we sometime pick up the second time. Plus his “prose” always makes it an enjoyable read.
      Be grateful for the clarity he gives all of us. On his time.

      1. CJF says:

        Ballerina9 this is kind of a boundary violation. I was not talking to you and I don’t think HG needs a protector. It feels a bit as though you are attempting to triangulate me with him so he’ll see how much you like him. He’s a greater Narc not a vulnerable victim narc. I’d really appreciate it if you simply left me alone. I’m not part of your triangle.

  6. Cjf says:

    HG i sense that you have been dumped or you are currently suffering from a narcissistic injury. Every post you are writing currently is exactly what the nex did to me after i discovered his affair and exposed him. I have even wondered if you’ve gone on holiday and he’s guest spotting for you. Clearly you are very upset and looking for supply hence i note you are responding more than usual to peoples comments. Poor you. Try not to retaliate you just do more damage and you don’t actually get what you want you just build up a big wall of ego. The sensitive nice person in me who tries to help others really wants to save you from yourself. But i know theres a hurting woman out there who you are torturing. Stop it.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No that’s not the case. Also these posts were written some time ago and are not recent creations. I’m not responding to comments with any increase in frequency, in fact probably less frequent as they are building up in moderation. Nobody guest spots for me.

    2. Angelic says:


      Do you actually expect a total truthful answer from HG?

      Although i greatly admire HG, i do not forget with whom i am dealing here, even if it is just a blog.

      Lots of my posts are ” shelves” , but i do not ask why.
      It doesn’ t matter.
      The only thing is: it’s a shame because there might be someone here who can be interested in my 10 years of experiences with the narcs i am involved with, as i am much much older than him.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        You always receive the truth here. Your posts sit in moderation because they either have questions or I have not had chance to read them.

        Your comment “lots of my posts are shelves” is misleading.

        You have posted 564 comments (under various names) on the blog. You have 12 comments currently in moderation. That is 2.12% of your posts.
        That does not equate to lots does it?

        So, it is rather rich that you state “do you actually expect a total truthful answer from HG” when your own use of the truth is somewhat lacking.

        1. SVR says:

          Give the guy a break. He is helping us here. Some people honestly…tut tut.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Thanks SVR!

          2. ballerina9 says:

            Exactly SVR! HG gets hundreds of emails a day, plus facebook and oh… his private life…Let’s appreciate what he does for all of us instead.

  7. Ms brown says:

    Bonus points for Iseeyou on that one! Especially “empathetic friends” sleeping with him out of “sympathy”… I have more respect for my enemies than those fake “friends”…backstabbers

    1. Angelic says:

      Ms Brown

      Exactely what it might be happening with lots of narcissists
      in their fury for being threatened ( or whatever) by the one who really loves them…
      they might fall prey to some opportunists which will manipulate them..
      the irony is: the narcissist failure to see that he is the one to be manipulated and used … and not the manipulator..

  8. If mine tried to smear me it didn’t work. Many of his family and peers came forth after he disappeared because it apparently was a pattern with him, and they told me the truth about how he really was. He apparently lied to and manipulated them, and we swapped stories. When they discovered all of the lies he had told me they weren’t shocked at all. They still talk about what he did to me, and next month will be a year post discard.

    Needless to say, when he hoovered, he talked about how he would never come back here to live, and that there were demons here, when he was the demon. Truth is, I exposed who he really was – liar, cheater, manipulator. Many didn’t realize that was who he was because he was a loner and he kept his past relationships a secret. He tried that with me but was shocked at how many people I actually knew, so when I spread the word about us getting married and him “buying land and clearing it off for our house” (because that’s what you do when you are happy) the people who really knew him began chirping like birds, and in a small town it didn’t take long for him to look like a fool and me too for believing him. People still say, “Don’t feel bad, you didn’t do anything wrong.” “Be glad that he lied to you about his wealth, look at what he did to the others; he used them for money and a place to stay. You were the lucky one. He never had any intentions of loving you or staying with you.” That girl is stupid to take him back after ten years, when he stole thousands from her and disappeared.” What I still haven’t figured out is why he was with me. What did he get out of being with me? Was I just a trophy? People kept asking him how did he “get me” like I was some prize won at a county fair. Was I just a cover up to disguise who he was, his secret life style? I don’t know why he lied about who he was, his accomplishments, or any of that, and why I was targeted. I am still puzzled about it. 3 years of time wasted. I’ve read H.G.s blogs and books, but the reasons don’t seem to apply to me. The only thing I can say applies is fuel. I know he got lots of it from me, up until the last year. I grew numb to him and just stopped caring, but secretly hoping he would revert back to the golden period.

    He couldn’t smear me, but it doesn’t stop the pain and embarrassment I felt and faced. Thanks to H.G. I am on the road to recovery. I have thrown away most of the traces of his existence. I still have triggers in these posts that make me think of the golden period, but I know it was a fake relationship on his part. Went to a wedding this weekend, and had a blast for the first time since 2014. He took all of the joy out of my life,and I didn’t realize that I lost who I was until this weekend when my family said “Welcome back to the Land of the Living.” I don’t care what anybody says about getting help from H.G. because he’s one of them; my ex’s nickname was Hero. I remember in my facebook posts referring to him as “My Hero” and how great he was to me. Now there is only one Hero in my life, and that is the one helping me piece together what happened to me and showing me how to get my life back on track, and that is H.G. I sing his praises to those who know what I have gone through and know what narcissism is.

    1. I do know why I was targeted – it had to be prime aim #3: residual benefits. No other man kept me a slave to the kitchen and bedroom like this one. No other man made me want to be either (that damn golden period). Also my image in the community was a good cover to exploit and extract fuel. Got it!

  9. I was laughing the entire piece, imagining it all happen.
    What HG didn’t know was that all these people he talked to were not two dimensional cartoons, they were making judgements about him, not her, subconsciously and consciously, the entire length of the conversation.

  10. Do you ever triangulate take-out restaurants with eachother? Phone them up one at a time and say “Your Fillet steak kung po isn’t as nice as Beijing House’s one.”

    Chinese; Tick

  11. Angelic says:


    If some friends ( of the emphat) listen to the narcs smearing/complaints some of those “friends or acquaintances” could use it for
    his/her advantage.. and seduced the narcs ..
    ( from which i guess the narc would be pleased)
    In this case it would be the narcissist to be manipulated.. instead of being the manipulator..
    in fact i believe it can happen..
    the narc becoming a victim too..
    i have told that to my narcs..
    in hope to make him feel disgust of whoever might have been manipulating him if that is the case..
    which i have perceived deeply such scenario..
    instead of him starting the narcissistic cycle.. being caught up himself in it by a seduction of ” the third kind”, so to speak, he became a narcs..
    it is one of my conclusion of why he , from a 19 years old humble, intelligent , brilliant, charming.. .in the space if 10 years he became exactly as one narcissist as HG describes..

    HG any thought?

  12. gabbanzobean says:

    Does the mid range really do this? Part of me wonders if it is what his poor wife is subjected to. I wish she would drop kick his ass!

  13. ISeeYou says:

    People will believe anything based on rumors. It’s incredible! Especially if you offer them money, right?

    People will even attack another human being without ever confronting the actual person being discussed… just simply based on lies and falsified evidence, invasion of privacy, etc.

    People are more likely to believe what’s on their screens than someone speaking to them face to face. But they will absolutely devour gossip and cling to it like it’s the most delicious piece of pie in the world. I’m sure it was not at all difficult for you to smear her name without a single one of her “friends” bothering to contact her and inquire if any of it was true.

    If they did speak to her they were probably quite condescending and unsympathetic, accusatory and snide. Most likely any of them who spoke to the woman in question had already made up their minds that she was guilty based on your words alone. Especially if any of them had been harboring secret jealousy of her. In all reality, her friends probably weren’t friends to begin with.

    And if you are a somewhat attractive guy and have a silver tongue, I bet her “friends” were offering to sleep with you out of “sympathy.”

    Hahahaha! Oh yes, all the sweet, caring empathetic “friends.” I guess they didn’t realize they are raging narcissists.

    1. Angelic says:

      I agree on this ISeeYou

      if a narcs smear and he is believed.. then those friends were never friends at all..
      I would rather go to the person smeared and find out…

      1. K says:

        Ditto, Angelic

  14. Carroll says:

    HG, is this done during devaluation or discard and for what reason?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is done towards the end of devaluation when dis-engagement is close or it is done when dis-engagementhas taken place. Please see the book Smeared for more detail on why this is done and importantly what you can do about it.

  15. giulia says:

    I am happy to say this never happened to me.
    I must say my family and friends would never act like this. They know better……
    You feel powerful doing this?
    Do you still do it?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do and yes when it is required.

      1. giulia says:

        Required for what? For you to feel powerful or for her to be smeared?
        (This verb sounds so close to the italian verb shitted: smerdata…never noticed…)

  16. SVR says:

    OMG HG you are so very naughty πŸ˜•

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is true, I hold my hands up, oh look, no mud on them, it could not have been me.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Some trickled on your shoe that you missed…Boom!

      2. SVR says:

        Here HG goes again. The last word as always πŸ˜†

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Who me?

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