No Time For Time

Image result for picture of growing old

Oscar Wilde mentioned in Dorian Gray that everything was possible since he had beauty and youth. I am very much of that mind set and accordingly the thought of becoming old fills me with revulsion. Horrifically I do not have to apply my imagination to this scenario (and to be frank I would not do so) because I need look no further than my Uncle Robert. He stands in front of the mirror and rants at the cruelty that is reflected back at him. His withered frame a reminder that he is no longer the uber mensch he has always maintained that he was. (He certainly seemed that way when I was a child. I do not remember the details but I do remember his stories about his adventures and achievements. They seemed spectacular and exotic. So tantalising). Now he realises that the charm which he once exuded has worn thin and does not have the allure it once had.

Every day brings a physical or mental insult and he realises that he is becoming a burden on those around him. He will not accept this transition with any grace. Indeed, he refers to his peers as old men but not ever himself. He regards himself as far younger, indeed, I often hear him repeating the things which I say. It is evident to me as the autumn of his life envelopes him that he wishes to remain reflected in my summer sun.

The tricks,the smoke and the mirrors that he once deployed with consummate expertise have deserted him or is it that a lifetime’s exposure to them have enabled those who were on the receiving end to create some kind of immunity to them ? Do they now see through the magic he once was able to weave about him? His deceit and bile are more evident that ever and I know he rarely receives visitors these days, they seem to think that there is little point in being subjected to his put-downs and insults.

His razor-sharp mind has become dulled, probably addled from the excessive alcohol he regularly indulged in (and probably still does) and the noble features have become craggy and distorted. He cannot summon the charm and sophistication to lure people into his world and instead has to rely on provocation, savageness and acidic accusations. His potency has been exhausted and try as he might to scramble away, he is sinking inexorably towards mediocrity and averageness.

I rarely see him but he regularly telephones me and I indulge him allowing him to rage down the telephone line about his injurious state arising from his dilapidated condition. It is worth listening as some of his fury contains choice, vintage lines which I write down for later use. Those barbed words when allied to my youthful charm and brilliance will work marvellously.

Uncle Robert never considered what would happen when madame time outstrode him and his current condition serves as a salutary lesson to our kind. Narcissists do not generally age well. Fortunately, I have been able to see into the future and I can ensure that I do not fall victim to Uncle Robert’s fate, but then, I have always been cleverer than him haven’t I?

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38 thoughts on “No Time For Time”

  1. Is this why the legacy you speak of leaving is so important? So that people think of, and speak on, your great achievements instead of focusing on your natural and inevitable decline? What legacy will your Uncle be leaving?

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  2. My mid range cerebral frequently discussed Dorian Gray. He said that’s how he felt everyday and compared himself. Reading this gave me chills. I still wonder if he knows what he is. But I’ll never know.

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  3. As a nurse’s assistant, I have witnessed many people passing. I have seen those that go quietly in their sleep, some talk to deceased loved ones in the corner, while others go screaming at demons that surround them. This has always fascinated me. In one instance, I was attending to a woman who only had minutes left to live. I could see the fear in her face and I knew life hadn’t been kind to her. I took her hand and told her that everything was going to alright; she could let go of this cruel world. In that moment she took her last breath and her eyes, I shit you not, flashed like a camera bulb. You can tell a lot about how a person lived their life by how they handle their death. It’s fascinating.

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      1. I ask because I have never met a Brit (male or female) that I found attractive… no matter how wealthy, all seem to have pasty white skin and bad teeth… perhaps you and you alone would change my opinion, Mr Tudor?

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      2. Well if you will insist on meeting the Sweet Eating Cave Dwellers of Nocturnal Living, what do you expect?

        There are 65 million of us so keep trying there are tans and pearly white impeccable teeth to be found here too.

        Liked by 3 people

  4. Seeing first hand your uncle, and knowing who you are and what you do, do you think about changing anything as far as your relationships so that you might have that one person who you are with as you age? Do you see yourself making any changes as you age or do you see yourself continuing the same damn merry go round?

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  5. The picture of Dorian Gray was a great book indeed. John would often quote from it. I wonder why.
    Thank you again HG for writing about this. So strange am I was just thinking part of the reason he is so distraught lately from what I hear that is, was maybe because of the fact that he is getting older. He certainly has changed in appearance and not for roe better.
    It seems he is taking several routes and using several people to get my attention as of late. I would not have seen all of those ways if not for you. I would have shrugged them off.
    It seems he is reading Ayn Rand and on a rant about being autonomous. My dad loved Ayn Rand and that now somehow tainted my memories of my dad reading me Atlas Shrugged when I was young.
    I love our mutual friends but they are not doing me any good. I am finding it hard knowing that you were correct it seems I need to distance myself from these people. I suspect my one friend who is suddenly turned into this other person . She seems not to have heard or understood me as she is crying desperately to feel bad for him and get back into his life. She is now also talking up him everyday. You were right ….this is arduous. Thank God I am not going to break. I have so many questions still I want to oak you. I am certain I will not run out of them even at my level of understanding. Have a lovely weekend. Stephanie

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  6. Nothing sadder than an aging Narc who believes himself to be more attractive, charming, delightful, and youthful than he really is. Good luck to you, yikes.

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  7. Im sure male narcs deal with age better than female narcs. Men just seem to age better or at least differently.
    I happen to think many older men are very attractive and hold a special charm thats lost on todays youth. My narcs 61 and theres 20 yr olds ive seen check him out. Hes still got it! That said, i have seen many age not so well appearance and health wise. Appearance and charm seem to play a big part in the seducation tools of a narc and when appearance goes thats a huge disable and probably then ruins the charm factor as a result of lower confidance in pulling it off. Money and fame will always factor in tho and they could look like tilla the hun and still draw in supply easily. Regardless age does catch up and the once youthful overflowing confidant narc will either have to accept their magic wears off or they settle in to further denial and instead act out their vile side for constant negative fuel. Its really sad to see. I tend to think more of somatics in this regard as they dont have as much to fall back on after their prized looks fade.

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  8. Keep dreaming HG…
    Unfortunately for you, there exists a real world behind and beyond that wall of mirrors you so carefully prop up in front of you. Slowly but surely they will crack and fall apart…revealing your dark, shattered true self. It is foolish to think you have the ability to control it. Inevitably, you will be forced to face your ultimate destiny…the same one as poor old Uncle Bob. Just like him, you are blinded by ignorance and denial. Sealing your own fate, destined to whither away alone, angry and lonely.

    I’m sure no one is throwing any pity parties for poor old Uncle Robert…they all saw it coming. And again it would be foolish to assume they don’t see the same in you.

    “The bigger they are…the harder they fall”

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  9. This is mean but I cannot wait until my ex narc reaches this stage. He is on his way at 67 but not quickly enough for me. I picture him attempting to use his charm and dulled mind to ensnare new victims only for them to look at him in puzzlement and pity. He will probably rely on hoovering in an attempt to regain fuel from fuel sources of long ago. His wife hates him as he does her. His grandchildren will be in their teenage years and living their own lives. He will have retired and lost all that glorious fuel from his clients. His greatest pursuit in life, fuel, will have disappeared like vapor and he will leave this world thirsting for one more drop like a cool drink of water in the desert. My only regret is that I will not be there to watch. I hope he dies very aware of what time has done to him. I do not, however, wish this upon you HG. You have redeemed yourself through your generous and honest support and rehabilitation of my kind. In a world filled with narcissists you have become an empath’s intercessor and advocate.

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  10. What about Alzheimer’s disease, vascular dementia after a stroke, or head trauma after an accident? Could happen to you… and you’d lose your mightiest weapon: your mind. Does that worry you, HG?

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      1. I can imagine that… sometimes, you have to bite back, without fear, just to protect yourself from the ruthless… I do that more readily now. Progress.

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  11. That’s funny they don’t age well. I told the Narc he looked older than he said. He did not like my comment and later on took a photo of his passport to prove to me he was younger, it did not bother me but I feel it bothered him 😆 I now realise I could never have been his IPPS as I did not have all of those lovely traits so why the heck did he aim for me? Anyway I do hope he’s preparing and won’t be another Uncle Robert but secretly here is my narc traits materialising, I would ❤ to watch him fall

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  12. No one wants to age.

    When i hear and see of people ” aging with grace” .. it is anathema to me..
    because i will never accept madam Old Age.
    No sir, i will always be Mademoiselle Ageless.
    😋
    Thank you Jesus .

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      1. HG

        really ?
        Why would she think that ?
        One fact is true:
        i have been blessed with rternal youth, thanks to my beloved Jesus

        😋

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  13. Well, realistically, for those that have the financial wealth,, aging is not what it use to be. Both men & women can drastically slow or reverse the physical signs of aging with advanced medicine, invasive/noninvasive cosmetic surgery as well as cosmetic dentistry, hair transplants, women’s private parts rejuvenation, etc… the options available are endless. With that in mind, I would guess the Cosmetic Industries are largely funded by male & female N’s…

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    1. Mrs brown…this is so true. I have a facebook friend whose 62 and has had breast cancer. She had her breasts done up perfectly and has im sure had facelifts and fillers/lazor. She looks better than many in their early 30s. Perfect surfer scuba diver body which she does. Shes also super wealthy so she has the money to upkeep her appearance. Many a narcissist wont have access to such ade defying treatments.
      I think the fountain of youth is slowly becoming more attainable within reason. Someone in their 90s is going to look old regardless.
      Internal health tho thats a different story and genetics and lifestyle play a big part. Im mostly raw vegan and feel more energy than i did in my 20s and look younger than my age by a decade, so ive been told. Hopefully the combo of a good diet and lifestyle will overide any genetic triggers for disease. You cant entirely control internally what happens. No one can escape time or death or aging. We all will eventually get there. So the narc isnt exempt and is in no protective bubble. Looks will eventually fade and health issues can pop up both making the narc face reality and some harsh truths.

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