One More Chance

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What harm could it do to give us one more chance? Like the gambler placing another bet in the hope of winning big, there is everything to gain and not much more to lose really is there? You are down amongst the dead so what could possibly go wrong? Besides, imagine if you did not do so? Imagine that you pass up this opportunity and somebody else takes it? Somebody else benefits from all of your work and they get it right. They do and say the right things so they enjoy the joy of the golden period but this time it lasts forever. It would be like allowing someone ahead of you in the queue and they buy a winning lottery scratchcard from the selection you had your eye on. So near, yet oh so far. Imagine the crushing dejection of knowing that you had it in your grasp but you failed to fllow through and seize the moment. How could you live with yourself thereafter if you failed to act on this glorious chance?

You don’t want to let anybody else gain the advantage do you? Not after everything you have done to steady the ship, to keep things afloat and to steer a sensible course through hazardous waters. You are owed that chance. You are entitled to that magnificent outcome and here it is being offered to you. All you have to do is take hold of it and give us another chance to make things right. Yes, it has failed in the past but did Robert the Bruce give up in his attempts to defeat the English? No he did not, he kept on going didn’t he and I know, I just know that you are made of similar stuff. You have that indefatigable spirit, that is why I hcose you. I knew you would not give up. Too many people let me down, but not you. You aren’t going to do that are you? You have your eyes on the prize. You could not live with yourself if you knew you had given up the chance for us to return to our golden period once again.

I know some people say that past behaviour is the greatest indicator of future behaviour but they are just bitter because they lacked the capacity and the ability to make a change. They wanted to make a difference but they didn’t have the goods. They didn’t have the gumption, the wherewithal, the necessary to do the job. You have. I can tell. I know these things and if you just believe in me this one time then everything will be different. Just one chance. That is all that I am asking for. It isn’t much, not after everything we have been through.

You aren’t going to throw away everything that we have built up are you? I surely do not think that you will do such a thing. You are not like that. You believe in us and you are the one who holds the key to a magical future. Just place the key in the lock, turn it and open the door to me. I will be there waiting. I have all the time in the world. I am not going to go anywhere soon if I know that you are going to continue to believe in me, but if you are going to give up, even though I don’t think you will, well, there are plenty who will take your place. No, I haven’t got anybody lined up, I am not saying that. I am just pointing out that someone as special as me, well, there are people who would be interested, that is all that I am saying. But let’s not talk about them. That is just something which might happen if you make the wrong decision. Not that you will. You are good at making decisions. I know that. You chose to be with me. Oh I know I made it seem like that I came after you but let’s not delude ourselves here, you are the one who made the decision. After all, you are in control of your own destiny aren’t you? I just offered myself to you, you had to make the decision to make that step towards me and you did and do you know why? Because you know. You know that we belong together. You know how we feel about one another. Yes, I know there are difficult times, but that is just what life throws at us but you and I, well, we are better than that aren’t we? I am not trying to influence you because I have ultimate faith in you to do the right thing. You know your own mind. All I am doing is asking yourself whether it is worth throwing away all that we have, all that we can have, just because you will not give me another chance?

I know you are someone who believes in the power of love. I do too. Love is all that we need and what you and I have, well, nobody else really understands it do they? I know what people say about me and you being together, but it is all jealousy. Are you going to let the outrageous comments of others deny you your happiness? I would not think that for a moment you would conceivable allow that to happen. You are your own person. I have always respected that. I gave you what you needed. I know at times I might be a hard task master but I did it for us because it is only when you are truly and sorely tested that you can tell that it is love. Anybody can love like the books and the films. Anybody can be on top of their game when they have no worries and no concerns. A real test of a relationship is when the chips are down, when your backs are against the wall when it is against all odds. It is when somebody else interferes, wants what you have and you have to fight for what you want. You have. I have seen the fire and the determination in your eyes because I know you want me. You want us to be together. We have been tested, repeatedly, but have we not come through it? Have we not come out on the other side and we are better for it? Our love has become stronger because we have been tested and we survived that test. Are you going to let all of that go to waste just because I say some things in the heat of the moment? That is passion for you, you bring it out in me, I cannot help it that you cause these emotions to erupt from me. Would you rather me be a cold and heartless shell? Of course you would not. I am what I am and I am a cauldron which you manage to stir because that is how you and I are. Other people hurl their opinions around, I know they do, I am not stupid, I know what they say, but they do not understand you and me. They do not have what we have and they are misguided at best and jealous at worst.

So, give me another chance. It is easy and we have so, so much to look forward. There is nothing really more you can lose is there by trying again, but if you don’t you will always wonder, “what if?” and it will drive you demented not knowing what might have been if you had trusted your instinct and allowed me back.

Let’s do it. Let’s create our wonderful world again. Just you and me.

Just say yes.

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24 thoughts on “One More Chance”

  1. At the end of the day what keeps me strong and in No Contact is reading your books and articles as well as interacting on this site. Thank you for providing all the above. You keep us strong!

  2. So tempting, so true all of it. It is just amazing how you can read our minds and see through us like glass. This is what makes it so hard to move on. Thanks for the reminder HG-as always you know what to say and do so perfectly!

      1. Thanks HG for your response. I thought I had gotten through the emotional sea, or at least most of it. This feeling is fleeting I am happy to say and I only feel it when people bring him up or sometimes when I am alone at home. I can’t wait for your new article. My gratitude always!

  3. Yes, at this point I would pass up an opportunity with my ex-narc – and, good or bad, I do have that indefatigable spirit – because I believe I have a better and more intense opportunity coming my way.

  4. HG,

    I just found your site last night. (it is very insightful, feel free to be more brutal:)
    I do have a question for you…hang in there:)
    Having have a 3+ year relationship with a greater Narc, your accounts has been utterly fascinating.
    I have executed out of the blue a couple times, where I have cut him off/NC on two occasions, one lasting a year. I allowed him back in a few months ago, he commended me on my commitment to NC and when responded was rather dumbfounded I could execute that goal well. I have also been extremely initiative and truly strong in my course of our engagement. Even so I am overly committed and compassionate I am intellegent, and have finite attention to detail which makes it terribly difficult when he tells his lies (he gets very frustrated) when he tries to deflect or redirect/reframe.
    Nonetheless, I watch, I stand back and see the tactics play out, minimal reaction at times which serves me well. I will never call, I will never do texting first, perhaps my stubbornness helps, but I won’t give him the panting to which he wants. Even so I am very much an empath, I am not necessarily a co-depenent, strength and awareness are some of my traits. I am also very disciplined in my own ways, I tend not to allow too much vulnerability.with anyone There was a time I loved him intensely, until he pulled the rug out, But I didn’t react to his ways, I was ever so calm, and called him on the shenanigans, I believed it shocked him my emotional capacity to not break apart. That was the first of NC. He definitely didn’t understand what to do next, I changed the script, he was utterly awkward and unaware of how to cope in that moment of face to face.

    QU:. There have been plenty of times he has attempted to triangulate, inserting an ex’s here or there. I usually depart and withdrawn the moment he tries to do this. it doesn’t seem to have the same effect on me (I tend to repeal and I am happy to walk away, tell him this and express by all means get on with it) this seems to puzzle and stun him at times. For me, I graciously open the door, smile and say as you wish have fun off you go then…. hope it works out.
    My question is really around the “time in seduction” those activities, the cheating, when seducing the next primary for when he is out and away. I am always fascinated, it must take ton of energy to perform,
    It is really that easy, to “stop drop roll”, just sexually exchange rinse and repeat?
    Can you give me some insight on what it is like to be engaged with one woman, keeping one on the hook (she might be home in anxious state) how does it work sexually are there just different experiences, or same performance different body? Can you be more attracted to one vs the other, but never let them know etc?
    I would love the gory details, how easy it is to compartmentalize, the pretense of the person in front the attention, but not really?
    K

  5. I just came across this story:

    http://torontolife.com/city/crime/brilliant-neurosurgeon-beloved-family-doctor-untold-story-volatile-marriage/

    He is a neurosurgeon. She was a family physician. They have 3 children together. They found her body in a suitcase. He killed her because she was going to divorce him after many yrs of marriage, because she did not want to endure his abuse and his cheating any longer. This story broke my heart, but nowhere in the story does it state that he has npd. It is obvious to me frm reading the accounts of his aloof and antisocial behavior frm his colleagues and friends, thx to the knowledge i gain here. Seems like he is a lesser narc, and could not control his heated fury.
    I believe he wanted one more chance, she denied it, and he became dangerous. It’s heartbreaking. Pls, whoever is involved with a lesser, be careful and protect yourself.

      1. Plenty of ignorance out there. Sad but fact. You can only look after yourself. Take care one and all. In all honesty I think I am at a stage now near departing. I plan to get my life back to what I want, dedicating time to me and what I love. This has been one big piece of education. Thank you HG for being honest and aiding my recovery. I have to be honest though that I have only read little parts of each book but I would like to read about your childhood and what happened to get you where you are today. What is the book of choice? I believe one may not be published as yet. Again thank you HG, good luck with the Dr’s and I will also pop in and out from time to time (cannot withdraw totally: reminders necessary). To all you bloggers: your brill keep up the good work and wishing you in a very happy place like me. Yes the sun is shining again, big time. 😄

      2. Hi Jenna, indeed and important to remember that Not just lesser narcissists are this dangerous. He’s a neurosurgeon, higher functioning killer. Danger exists at levels and schools.

      3. Indy, by reading here, i got the idea that the lessers use heated fury, which can turn violent. Mid-rangers use cold fury by becoming silent or withdrawing, and greaters have enough self control to preserve the facade. I know my ex mid-ranger couldn’t hurt a fly. He’s never been violent with me. Rather, he’s quite shy and introverted. Thus, why i believe lessers are more dangerous. What are your thoughts?

      4. Hi Jenna,

        It is true that based on HGs profiling of narcissists, the Lessers are more knee jerk, aggressive and more impulsively and aggressively physically violent. They are also of lesser cognitive skills (not doctors) (according to HG). Now, HG, correct me if I have this wrong, though ALL narcissists will engage in violence if the fuel requires it and the rage is too high and the fuel too low. All. Even Greaters will engage in violence if the fuel requires it.

        Now, This surgeon was not just a Narcissist, Jenna. He also likely has other diagnoses in addition, as he killed. Think about Ted Bundy (A charming attractive lawyer that killed several women). He was not a Lesser. They are not Lessers as they function at a higher intellectual level and are highly charming. They are Greaters with additional diagnoses. (Again, correct me if I have that wrong from your perspective, HG).

      5. Indy, thx for explaining further. I was sleepless the night i read the article. It disturbed me so much. Thus, I wanted to discuss it here. Thx again. 💗

      6. Hi Jenna,
        It is scary, though remember this: You have knowledge now that many people do not and you are learning how to spot them! ((hugs))

  6. I needed this desperately, the timing is perfect. When this is all coming to and end and I feel confused and I am doubting myself. This so the first post that came up and its poetic. Thank you

  7. I still get a small chill when you quote verbatim something the ex Narc said. This only serves to drive home the reality of what you share with us. Gives me more power & determination through the ongoing exorcism. Someday I won’t read you anymore or when I do, it will only be of casual, passing interest.

      1. This is true and I know you try to teach us to protect us from engaging yet one more time through the cycle of enchantment and pain. Why then do we still want to be hoovered in a text or email. Could it be that we tell ourselves “he is thinking about us”. I know after all your books that it is just fuel, nothing more. Why is this so hard to accept HG. Logically I know, but my heart just doesn’t want to accept it. Will this feeling ever subside/leave me one day? I just wonder if I am doomed to this? Thanks HG.

      2. It is the nature of the emotional sea. The article The Tap of Empathy which will be published in a week or so will give you more clarity.

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