I am just a baby in your arms. I am fragile, brittle and vulnerable. You see I was broken when I was so, so young. I did not know any different and all I wanted was to be told that I was good. I did everything I could to please them but it was never deemed enough. I don’t know why I could not make them love me but it just did not happen. Perhaps if I had tried harder. I know it is my fault really but I did not know any better. They took something from me, I still do not know what it really is, but I think you do. I think you hold the answer because of who you are. I try to be a good person, I really do but there is just something that stops me from being that decent and compassionate person.Β  I see what you and people like you do and I cannot help but wish I was the same. Sometimes I want it so much it makes me do things I should not do because I cannot control the jealousy that rises and makes me do those Bad Things. Believe me, I fight against it but I have not had the strength to defeat the wickedness but I have you now don’t I? You will shield me and give me the fortitude I require to complete my journey to redemption. Everything that has happened before was borne out of me lacking you. Those things that I have done, well, I am not proud of them but I was weak and knew no better. I did not have you to lead and guide me. The others, you see, those others promised me that they would take care of me but they were just pretenders and charlatans who took from me and left me twisted and beaten in the dust. Sometimes I had to fight back. That was when I struck out at them. I did not want to, truly I did not want to do those things, but sometimes I was given no choice. I know all that has gone now because you are here. You are the person I have waited for for so long. I believe in you and how you can save me. You are my caretaker, my salvation and my rock. I look to you and you give me such hope. You show me that there is a better way, a road that leads to salvation. It is a road that will take me away from the Badlands and the darkness. I understand the road may be long, it may wind through difficult places but ultimately, with you holding my hand, I know that I will reach that place where I need not be afraid any longer. I need not hurt and lash out but instead I can harness the real goodness that is somewhere deep inside me.

You told me that it is there and I believe you. You know about these things. That is the way you have been made. You are the carer, the healer and the peacemaker. You must understand why it is that you are so special to me. You are the only one who truly understands what is to be me and you are the only one who can save me. I will place my heart in your hands and let you care for it. I have been broken, I have been broken for far too long, a shattered and fractured creature who has had to endure living this way without any hope of redemption, until you came along. Please, make me a better person. Please care for me and nurse me and hold my hand when the demons come. I look to you and only you and in those optimistic eyes of yours I find absolution.

All I want is to be loved. It is not too much to ask is it. I am a noble yet broken person and you hold the power to make me what I want to be, what I should be. I am like a baby in your arms. I am vulnerable yet with you there anything becomes possible. I know you will love me, care for me and protect me. You will save me. You are the only one.

You fall for this speech.

Every time.

20 thoughts on “Protection

  1. lesliedbraun says:

    Jesus HG….right on point!!

  2. Joy says:

    Yes…I fell for this a hundred times!! Lol….never again! Thank you HG.

  3. Siobhan G. says:

    Powerful written words Mr, Tudor πŸ‘‘
    I admit falling for it more then once.
    We nurture, they abandon. Repeat cycle.
    I just found this blog and there is so much to gain from you HG Tudor. Life lessons, are the hardest to learn πŸ“š

  4. gabbanzobean says:

    Sorry forgive my grammatical errors. I meant that this is how HE viewed ME! I was the broken one that HE SAVED. Forgot to add that extra sentence in there. Yes he said it all to me but from his viewpoint it was about me and how I was! When it was really how HE was.

  5. gabbanzobean says:

    This article should be renamed PROJECTION rather than PROTECTION. This entire thing sounds like something HE said. TO ME! Even though it is about him and not me!

    It is Narc opposite day, yet again!

  6. Matilda says:

    Just because you do not believe in love, does not mean it doesn’t exist… it does… not the soppy, syrupy kind of love portrayed in movies and songs… not the ring, the dress, the flowers and chocolate hearts… none of that BS!! But a feeling of ‘home’ with another soul… it exists, I have seen the serenity it brings. So, you can make fun of love as much as you want… I will hold on to my truth, undeterred.

    1. Narc affair says:

      Matilda…i love your post and i feel the same way!

      1. Matilda says:

        Thank you, Narc affair… a kindred spirit, that’s lovely! πŸ™‚

  7. Angered says:

    You seek for something you will never find. Only a robot will suffice for you. Human beings aren’t capable of being what you need or want.

  8. shantily says:

    We fall for it but we also recite the same speech πŸ™‚ I like how you bring this to light, the two sides of the coin … it’s important

  9. Wen says:

    Thank you for this. It was like a slap in the face! I believed I was that special person. My love will save him! What a load of shit!

  10. Jenna says:

    I don’t believe the empath can heal you, but the other sentiments in your speech are very true – “… all i wanted was to be told that i was good… but it was never deemed enough.” πŸ˜”

  11. A.R. says:

    Narcissists are black holes that can never be filled because they live in a vacuum of taking.
    Needing to be loved & protected is one thing. Expecting someone to do all the work for you is completely another.
    Another insidious face rears its ugly head.

  12. Ellie says:

    I met a guy recently he seemed promising we had fun on a few dates. Then he’d been drinking and decided to move his car from one side of the road to the other and smashed into my neighbours car. When the neighbour came to my door he hid in my living room and let me take the flack. He then said how could you let me get in my car. I said don’t let the door hit you on the way out, blocked his number never to be seen again.

  13. Bleeding heart says:

    Everytime i read this i still have the same reaction and that is im not buying that its all an act to prey. I think it is and isnt. A lot of whats ssid is very true of a narcissist many did suffer abuses and werent unconditionally loved. They do seek out empathetic victims because on some subconscious level they hope this person will fill the void and fix what is wrong in them but they sabatoge that from the very start with their maladaptive ways of thinking.
    On the flip side the narcissist knows our compassionate nature and will use the very same true information about themselves to bait a bictim usually in hoovers ie. ” im sorry i know i have problems but im working on them. Im learning so much from our relationship”. The greaters in particular know what they are and why but are too comfortable doing what works for them so they use that knowledge in a false admission to draw sympathy and control. Despite that it still remains true the reasons why they are a narcissist and thats usually their upbringing.
    Reading this i feel sympathy but am cautious to never let that sympathy override my boundaries and my own protection. Im not a sucker for feeling sympathy. My empathetic nature doesnt make me stupid either. Im proud to feel for other people even narcissists. I fell for the reality of the situation.

  14. K says:

    You are so broken that all of the world’s love combined cannot fix you. You are the darkness and that is where you belong. My hand will no longer hold yours. Our journeys are parallel and our spheres of influence will never cross again. I was vulnerable and wanted your love but you broke me. There is no hope of redemption and you cannot be saved. Your heart is yours again; mine has been shattered and the only person I can save is myself.

    1. SVR says:

      K wow! The way I felt. Powerful words.

  15. Leslie says:

    Hahaha current girlfriend even though he’s still married to me. Asshole is going to drag this divorce on forever…..He tried to come back for the 8th time , but way too germy at this point. She’s going to get hers because she’s not a professional anything but stripper. He won’t be able to tolerate THAT for very long. He already discarded her once trying to get me to return. Not ever again Satan Bye grossness , you’re not looking so well anymore btw

  16. Indy says:

    Thanks HG for teaching me well enough that when I started reading this I thought, “oh bullshit, HG”…and then read your ending! Indeed, in the past I fell for this Every. Fucking. Time.
    I’ve got the scarlet letter on me, counselors are good targets for this BS. As are nurses, teachers, etc. I’m now “woke”. Try me now, narcissists of the world!! You may get an eye roll and a sarcastic laugh and an asking if you are done with that script yet as I got things to do! (Such as volunteering for a dog rescue but I won’t tell him that haha) I might insinuate falsely that I’ve got bodies in my basement to feed and tortureπŸ˜‰

  17. abrokenwing says:

    and your nose gets longer and longer…πŸ€₯

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