The Narcissist and Gifts

THE NARCISSISTAND GIFTSImage result for picture of a rubbish gift


What do narcissists think about giving? Well, the starting point is that we are a gift to the world and really, should there be any need for us to give anything more? Of course there is; the giving of gifts provides us with yet another opportunity to manipulate people, exert control and ultimately draw fuel. Some people think that narcissists may not want to give gifts because we hate to do things for other people. The latter part of that point is correct, but the simple fact as ever is that the end justifies the means then we will do that and if that means parting with some of our money to purchase a gift and spending some time selecting it, then so be it. You probably will understand however that when it comes to the giving of gifts, it is nothing at all to do with you. As usual, it is all about us.

  1. Gifts of Seduction. During the seduction of a victim, some of our kind revel in the grand gestures of expensive and wonderful gifts. There may be repeated gifts every few days or some large grandiose gift. Occasionally, we may give careful consideration to what will impress you most but it is always linked into how it will benefit us. The purpose of such gifts is to cause you to admire us, thank us and draw closer to us as a consequence of our generosity and our thoughtfulness. Don’t think that we have been that considerate. You will probably receive a similar gift to the last primary source. If worked last time, so we will do it again. Thus the Somatic Narcissist who selects victims who are into material items may well always purchase some Louboutin shoes for each victim. The Cerebral Narcissist will provide a weighty tome for you to read. Not only is this exclusive hardback expensive but he can tell you all about how much he knows about the subject later. We also rely on the fact that even if the gift is not precisely what you wanted, most people are delighted to receive gifts and during the wonderful, elating and mesmerising seduction, the whole of the effects of our seduction make the receipt of the gift all the more gratifying. It gains kudos from being given against a backdrop of compliments, love, amazing sex, days and nights out and so forth. By appearing thoughtful and generous we draw you closer to us.
  2. Creation of debt. We only give you a gift in order to get something we want and the provision of a gift automatically creates a debt in our mind. It might be that we will control you through this gift, it might be that we use it to gain fuel or to mollify you if we think you are on the brink of leaving us and denying us our fuel. No matter how lavish or expensive the gift, there will be a price to pay for it, either now or later.
  3. Creating the favourite. We often use gifts to create a favourite and generate division. For instance, if we have three nephews, who are still young children, we may give one a larger and more expensive gift to one and smaller and less expensive gifts to the other two and it is obvious. Children will react to this with jealousy, petulance and upset which will generate fuel. It does not stop there. The parents of the nephews may well react to this unequal treatment so there is more fuel forthcoming. If we are challenged as to why we have done this you can expect to be told,

“It is my money and I decide how I spend it.”

We are entitled to do as we want and when it comes to giving gifts there is no exception.

This favouritism will continue all the way through so that a golden child will always fare better at Christmas and birthdays than his or her siblings with the attendant problems that arise. We will even do this when we have gone with an unequal division of assets. The Thought Fuel that arises as we sign the will knowing of the in-fighting that will come about in due course is satisfying indeed.

  1. The Rubbish Gift. This is done by design and often unintentionally. Since we lack empathy, we see no need to consider what somebody else what might really want for their birthday. Thus, we provide them with a hideous jumper that is too big or a garish ornament. The look of dejection and disappointment on that person’s face when they receive a book about butterflies produces a good dose of fuel for us. Of course if they do not seem appropriately happy, this allows us to roll out comments such as: –

“But I thought you loved butterflies.”

“I looked everywhere for that gift.”

“You should be grateful you got anything at all.”

We know you don’t like butterflies. We found the gift in the bargain bin at the supermarket and we know you won’t be grateful, we don’t want you to be, so we can provoke you for some more fuel.

  1. The Residual Fuel. Flowing from the rubbish gift is the expectation that when we next call around the hideous statue of what is meant to be two dolphins in the foam but looks more like a frothing Quasimodo, should be pride of place on your mantelpiece. Alternatively, you should be wearing that migraine inducing jumper. If you are not, you can expect us to play the victim and make you feel guilty for not showcasing our generous gift.
  2. The Wrong Gift. The cousin of the rubbish gift. This gift may be a good gift but it is the wrong one. You may already have one of these items already and a second is of no use. It might be that you asked for a handbag in black and we have bought you one in brown, even though it is the same make. The shoe size might be two sizes out either way, the ring too small, the lingerie too small. We do this because you see the wrapped item and recognise it to be the item you have asked for and your excitement mounts, only then to be dashed by this narrow miss. Yes, you may be able to exchange it, but we will have lost the receipt and such like and we will still make a song and dance if you point out that it is the wrong gift or if you fail to look suitably happy. You can expect comments such as: –

“You have one already. Well, a spare shoe horn is always handy.”

“It is too tight? Not my fault you have put weight on is it?”

“You told me size 7, yes you did. Stop trying to blame me for your mistake.”

“So what if it I a different colour, you should appreciate I bought you something.”

  1. Forgetting a gift. It always provides us with fuel when you expect a gift and none is forthcoming. We derive amusement from seeing you waiting all day, expecting a delivery to the door, or hunting around the house thinking that we have hidden your gift. When evening comes and no gift has been forthcoming your annoyance, upset or dismay provides us with further fuel. We will of course apply selective amnesia or deflection to the situation.

“I thought the anniversary was next week?”

“It’s only Valentine’s day, you shouldn’t expect a gift.”

“You are too old to receive birthday presents now.”

“Is it your birthday? I thought it was on the 21st?”

  1. My gift. You are expecting a gift and there is something expensive sat on the dining table. It is not given to you but sits there all day until you eventually ask if it is for you only to be told it is not and it is for me. Cue crestfallen look and more fuel.
  2. The Respite and Hoover Gift. Part of the seduction family. If we want to bring you back into the Formal Relationship following discard or escape, or if we want to reinstate the golden period, we will supply you with gifts again and endeavour to make them thoughtful so that you provide us with positive fuel and we draw you back to us.
  3. Future Faking. Gifts are not immune from us always promising to buy you something amazing for that forthcoming birthday. This keeps you bound to us, you keep giving us positive fuel from your enthusiastic responses to our promises, but we fail to deliver. We draw fuel and then promise to get it for you for Christmas instead. You know what is going to happen don’t you?
  4. Charity Gifts. If we make some donation to charity whether it cash or equipment, or even items we no longer need for them to sell at a charity store, you can be sure we will let as many people know as possible of our generosity. This gains fuel and maintains our façade.
  5. Outdoing Others. If there is a christening, a baby shower or a wedding we will often go big with our gift giving. If you have a wedding list, we will go off list in order to be different even though that crystal orange juice squeezer is not exactly needed. This form of gift giving is nothing to do with you. The gifts are likely to be lavish and expensive but it is all about showing off and gaining fuel and admiration as opposed to buying someone what they actually want. Of course, any complaint or lack of appreciation will be met with us playing the victim.
  6. Recycling. You end up being given a gift which clearly was a gift to us which we did not want. In some examples we may have even left the gift tag on showing that it was for added reaction. We considered those lavender bath bombs we received to be a total insult so next door can now have them as a house warming gift. Even beyond this, we may even give you as a gift something you gave to us. Not only does this show us to cheapskates it also shows we do not think much of your gift. Fuel abounds.
  7. Proximate Fuel. We gain proximate fuel from witnessing the reaction of our victims to our manipulative gift giving. As you know, we like to cause a scene and what better way that doing so in person, at a party or an event.
  8. Thought Fuel. Gift giving allows a double whammy. We have the chance to gain proximate fuel when we hand the gift over and you unwrap it and we also contemplate your reaction when we are not there. Either siblings fighting over the gift, people expressing their hurt at a tasteless gift, a rubbish one or the wrong one, so we even gain fuel after the event.
  9. The Early Declaration. If we are being grandiose in our gift-giving you can expect to know about your gift on Facebook or similar platforms when we post pictures of it and tell the world what we have got you for your birthday. No surprises for you, but plenty of admiring fuel for us.
  10. What the Last One Got. We buy you a gift and we can see you are not happy with it, underwhelmed or even upset. Of course there will be no sympathy or consideration shown by us. All we will do is remark about what we have got you is bigger, better and more expensive than what the last primary source got and you ought to be grateful. This also works in reverse when we let slip that we did not get you something as good as what the last primary source received because you didn’t get a good birthday present for us (even though you will have done – the reality is no bar to our manipulations).
  11. The Last One Didn’t Appreciate My Gifts. If we sense that you are unhappy with our gift, we gain fuel, but we will also emotionally blackmail you into being please with it by telling you how mean the previous primary source was in that no matter what we bought him he never appreciated the gifts. Suddenly, you are gushing over the tickets to a local amateur dramatic performance of Macbeth, even though you hate plays.
  12. But Look What I Gave You! This is done for future manipulation. If you fail to do something in the future, fail to submit and do what we want, we will hark back (and do so repeatedly) to that marvellous, rare and expensive gift we once got you. As I mentioned above, you always end up paying for the gift in some way.
  13. The Target. The gift we have given you and one which you like and cherish is used in the future as a device to manipulate you and draw fuel form you. We threaten to break the gift or we do break it. We hide it or take it from you. After all, what is ours remains ours and what is yours is still ours anyway since we are entitled and do not recognize boundaries.

Gifts and the act of giving provide us with so many opportunities to draw fuel both positive and negative from people, bind people to us, control them and manipulate them.

What is your experience of the narcissist and gifts?

85 thoughts on “The Narcissist and Gifts

  1. Naz says:

    I don’t recall receiving many gifts. Unless you count boxes of (cheap) chocolate and the countless bags of candy he brought, that he knew I couldn’t resist. After I told him I needed to lose weight because I was having health problems, he doubled the amount of bad snacks he brought. He didn’t allow me to do the shopping, so it was there and I’m an “emotional-eater” and I was miserable, so I never lost the weight during the relationships. He would treat his bringing of bad snacks as a marvellous gift to me. The only time he ever bought me anything significant, was when he bought me the very computer I am using right now. That was 5 years ago and it’s still half-decent. But any time I wanted to use it to play a game, he would tell me or show me how disappointed he was that I chose to play on the computer alone rather than spend time with him.

    Oh and I had a very beautiful 2 piece engagement ring that disappeared without a trace during a time we had financial trouble. I suspect he brought it to a pawn shop. Then he blamed me for losing it.

    I do remember some of the gifts I gave him. Early in the relationship, I gave him a new keyboard and mouse for his computer, since he was working with an old-school ball-mouse and a sticky keyboard. This was 1 month into the relationship, and I’m a computer geek, so it seemed appropriate. I recall he used it for a few months, then at some point I found the keyboard in 2 pieces and the mouse never to be found again. I didn’t even ask… Another time I gave him what he told me was his favourite aftershave/deodorant/perfume gift box. I think it was Christmas the same year. He thanked me profusely in front of my family, and later it remained on a shelf in the bathroom. Then when his sister bought him a similar gift box for his next birthday, he complained to me that he had no idea why people bought that crap for him all the time and if I remember correctly, he re-gifted both gift boxes to friends.

  2. Chris says:

    These are some of the gifts I got from narcissists: Narc 1. Beautifully wrapped in Christmas paper, ribbon and bow was a STILL DUSTY old wooden corner knickknack shelf. Narc 2. This Narc dude was a doctor so for Christmas I rec’d all the free nicotine cessation gum samples (this was when you needed a prescription and they were not yet sold over the counter) the drug salesman dropped off to be handed out to patients. Narc 3. A cheap cloth tote bag from a charity with it’s name on it (and not even a cause i support) she rec’d in the mail (in thanks I presume) for making a donation. All 3 individuals were not hurting for money, only thoughtfulness and taste with an inability to part with a buck for anyone but themselves. It has been my experience that narcissists are stingy and cheap except when it comes to indulging themselves.

  3. Star says:

    Mine used to clean a church thrift store two days a week( he concidered this full time work, and much more strenuous than my 50 to 60 hour weeks in the field I work in) He used to come home with his back pack filled with ” trinkets”, glass jars, fake broken flowers, the odd bead bracelet, even at times strsy marbles or beads. He’d give these tokens of affection to me expecting an overjoyous response from me. One day after he presented me with a cracked ceramic pot I actually asked him.. do you actually pay for these things? Or do you dig them out of the garbage heap… or worse.. steal them? He raged saying so what if I did steal them?? I am doing it with you in thought. You should appreciate my efforts!! Now don’t get me wrong… I am the first to appreciate the little things, I do not concider myself materialistic at all… but stealing from a non profit organization where the funds go to charity??wow. I cringe when I think back and almost kind of laugh at myself . What the hell was I thinking???!!! uhg…

    1. Matilda says:

      “… do you actually pay for these things? Or do you dig them out of the garbage heap”

      That’s so pathetic of him, your recollection gave me a fit of the giggles, Star! 😀 😀

      Just imagine what he would have brought you if he had been a Neanderthal during Stone Age: a half-rotten Bison carcass to cook? a stolen flintstone? 😀

      1. Star says:

        Matilda I literally laughed out loud at your half rotten Bison to cook comment:)😂 you are way too funny!! ahh it’s good to look back And have a good giggle at the crazy instead of connecting the experiences with pain

      2. Matilda says:

        Yes, for the hell we endured, we deserve a good laugh at their expense every now and then! 😀 😀

  4. Ms brown says:

    I am an individual that prefers quality over quantity. in all aspects of my life… Accordingly, the MRN (3rd & most recent husband) did the exact opposite and would dump LOADS of second hand, garage sale/thrift store junk etc. It then required work on my end to gather up all this garbage and dispose of it. Of course this was criticism and I went through the whole ST, devalue, etc etc etc…. I was an ungrateful C**t…. he is a hoarder of garbage and the epitome of everything I now despise.

  5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

  6. Siobhan G. says:

    OMG!!!!! Yes, yes and yes. Wow!!! To all of what is written. I am soooooooo happy I found you Mr HG Tudor 👑
    Thank you, thank you!!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  7. Matilda says:

    Gosh, the stories on here 😀 … a bunch of cheapskates, they are!

    I have always had an uneasy feeling when I have been given gifts from people who are not family. As if those gifts were not really mine, as the person could demand them back any time. So, in the rare instance that a piece of jewellery excites me, I buy it myself! Mine entirely, mine to keep.

    Gifts from people I fell out with are either returned (if expensive) or thrown in the trash. If I had an open fireplace, I would burn them! I would not want to give them someone else, or sell and use the money… does not feel right, as the items, and money thereof, are tainted with bad memories.

  8. Natalie says:

    I never got anything! He either blamed his financial situation or would just “forget”. Once he stated that he doesn’t get excited over birthdays and it’s stupid for anyone else to expect anything on their birthday also. Needless to say he didn’t turn down any gifts.

  9. Shannon says:

    My mid-range hub and is a good provider. He takes care of more than half of the household bills and I was on his health insurance plan for many years. I didn’t ask for any of this, he claims it’s what “he should do.” I don’t feel like I’m unappreciative of it at all and loved and respected him for it all the more. I have never felt he’s done any of this out of love for me, however. Whenever we have disagreements he ALWAYS brings this up, and I have always felt appropriately guilty and ashamed. If you are truly doing things out of love for someone, you don’t feel the need to bring it back up ALL the time. Now I know it’s a manipulation as well. He’s also gifted me things that he felt I SHOULD like and want, not what I actually like.

  10. Carla says:

    It was a trinket, and very sweet. Of course after I escaped I donated it. I didn’t want it in the house anymore.
    So, what happens to the gifts given to the narcissist?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You will read about this in the future Carla.

    2. mistynolan01 says:

      I gave X narc a beautiful houseplant i had nurtured from a sprout. Gave him instructions how to take care of it — proper lighting, feeding, and watering. The next time I saw the plant it was half dead. I got so angry at him, and I took the plant back and nurtured it back to life.

      Answer in one word: unappreciated. (In my case.)

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        He may have deliberately not cared for it to manipulate you. That’s what mine would have done.

      2. Windstorm2 says:

        After all, he would get so much more fuel from you by letting it die, since it was anxiously important to you.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Keepin it right though-I do not know one dude that would think of a plant as a gift and give a crap about it unless he could roll it and smoke it. So maybe we cant hang that one on the Narcs.

          1. Windstorm2 says:


  11. NarcAngel says:

    I bought a t-shirt for stepnarc one year with my paper route money. I put that it was from all of us children because of course they had no money and they were excited to put their name on the card. He opened it and held it up to announce it was a nice color but it had no pocket to put his cigarettes in so he would never wear it. My mother gave him a watch. He opened it and told her very angrily that it was useless and that she should know not to buy a watch that he had to wind himself and told her how she could not get anything right. He told us he didnt buy us gifts because he didnt have time. Just another Christmas. Comfort and joy my ass.

    1. windstorm2 says:

      Your story reminded me of giving gifts to my mother. She was notorious for never liking anything. Despite being well off financially, she also wore old, hand-me-down clothes that I had worn 20 years earlier (and hand me down back then as well!). She fussed constantly about other people having nicer, newer clothing.
      One year for Christmas my kids and I bought her a nice dress in her favorite color for church. When she opened it in front of everyone she very sarcastically commented on how “pretty” it was. She said she couldn’t think of anywhere she could wear anything so “beautiful.” Then she smirked, “Oh, I know! When I die you can bury me in it! Here, you keep it for when I die.”
      Happy times indeed.

      1. Jenna says:

        How hurtful windstorm2. Your mother was a narc?

        1. windstorm2 says:

          Yes, Jenna. Both my parents were narcs, but different types. Mama was a covert mid-level somatic. Harder to place Daddy, he’s been dead over 30 years. Definitely overt, very grandiose. Think he was a high mid-level mixed type. Or maybe a low level greater.
          And yes, she made my life a living hell as a child. But I did my best to return the favor. 😉 She’s dead now, though, so all’s well that ends well.
          There are many narcs in both my natural family and my in-laws. In my family you were either a narc, you pretended to be a narc or you were a scapegoat and everybody looked down on you and treated you like dirt. I never was any good at pretending, so you can guess what I was. No brothers or sisters. Mama always said when she saw what I was like, she was afraid to try again with another child! Worked out good for me, though. I inherited it all. The last laugh is the best laugh! 😝

          1. Jenna says:

            I’m sorry you didn’t have loving parents windstorm. May they rest in peace.

          2. windstorm2 says:

            Thank you Jenna, but that’s all in the past. I’ll be 60 this year and have made my own wonderful, loving family of children and grandchildren. 😊

          3. Jenna says:

            Congratulations to you!👏👏👏

      2. Jenna says:

        My apologies, grammatical error. Your mother is a narc?

    2. Love says:

      NarcAngel, your stories make me want to adopt the little girl within you and nurture the heck out of her. 💜💜💜

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Thanks for your kind thought but shes at peace. She died trying. I on the other hand am here to kick ass, take names, and warn others to stop trying so hard to be loved. Thankless job most days, but I do it in memory of her and all of the other children who suffer waiting for the fog to lift.

        1. Love says:

          ❤ I always picture you in a black spandex bodysuit, mask, with torpedo tatas- sitting on top of a building cracking your knuckles just waiting for a narc to show up.

    3. Jenna says:


  12. abrokenwing says:

    I wasn’t getting anything on my bday or Xmas from my husband. To be fair he once transferred some money into my account before Xmas and told me to get myself something ‘ so I don’t complain again ‘. And I would be happy and grateful for anything.. some jewellery, books, fragranced candles.. if he would put some effort and thought of me for once.

    1. windstorm2 says:

      Ha,ha abrokenwing! That’s the only way my exhusband gives gifts! He’ll provide the cash, but you orsomeone else has to buy it and get it to you. And of course it has to be an occasion where a gift is socially required. For decades he didn’t even do that – never got anything for anyone. Now we’re all just tickled to get stuff! 😉

  13. NC says:

    Oh.. and I of course have given him twice as many… and twice the amount … and very little thank you… such a F idiot! After I left I still for a while (yes.. I was so stupid) kept buying him gifts.. and of course no thank you now sending them back. He feels entitled .. OH and also kept some of my belongings .. I’ll never get them back!
    Bad day today!!!

    1. Me says:

      Wrong .. he accepted all the gifts. Never said thank you and never sent them back. I hope the new supply enjoy “my” decorations and “my” style since his whole house is styled by me!!!
      I’m sure the kids will mention it.. and the triangulation is in motion.

  14. K says:

    One Christmas I went over to my mother’s house (my mom has NPD) to say Merry Christmas and my sister (she has NPD) had just shot up on the living room couch and was passed out. My mother was surprised to see me and she pushed an unwrapped box of cheap mints into my hands and said, “Merry Christmas.” The box was dented and it read $2.99 or 2 for $5.00 (approx. 6.40 GBP) on it. I told her she didn’t need to get me anything for Christmas. Later on when I went home, I opened the box and the mints were stale. Yuck! She probably bought them on sale the year before or it was a regift. That was the last time I ever went over there to say Merry Christmas.

  15. SVR says:

    Since you ask. Mine was a sweet and a cheap thing which related to the poem footprints. I asked him if I could open it later and I did. When I was not with him. It was crap so I said I liked it but asked the meaning, he said we carry each other. I did not like it but I kept it because it was from him for a short period of time but enjoyed throwing it in the bin. He did not see my face because I was not with him opening it, then I pretendid I liked it but only asked the meaning. Then I accepted his explanation but thought how odd. Anyway I take it he got no fuel as 1. I opened it away from him 2. I pretended to like it 3. I asked what it meant and accepted his explanation (did not but he thought I did) and lastly 4. I thanked him.
    So he had asked me what animal I liked before he bought it (odd again). I suppose he thought he was trying to fool me. Not at all, actually quite the opposite. What a disgusting little bit of trash (and that’s the man not the present lol).

  16. NC says:

    The first very expensive gift came after just a few weeks.. basically to thank me that I F him!!! Then forgot my birthday and cheap gift for Christmas .. the next expensive gift came after we moved together .. and a few more followed … gave them all back out of anger .. he promised to keep them until I felt better .. but of course not all of them!! Still holding on to the most valuable (emotionally and price).. just like the books states!!! Keeping it for the possible comeback …
    It’s simply “lost” … BS!!!
    He can keep it and no way in hell I will ever want it back now.. too many arguments surrounding it.. and crazy making…

  17. My ex narc wouldnofgen claim that the gifts were far more expensive than they actually were, and that he’d had to get it from halfway across the world – he almost made it seem that he’d travelled that far to get it, rather than just clicking a few buttons on eBay. He also used gifts of jewellery as a way of signifying possession over me – he’d make me wear a necklace he bought me every day because it was “showing him” something.

  18. Bella says:

    My ex narc gave me a pair of earrings for a birthday once…He actually wrapped them in a Tiffany’s blue box….he wrote a love bombing note letting me know the wonderful earrings were from Tiffany’s, when in fact I know beyond a shadow of a doubt they were from the 99 Cent store. Of course I said nothing but thanked him anyway. What a jerk. LOL. What was I thinking getting involved with him…And he never acknowledged Christmas gift giving either. Big on ‘making’ gifts too…Such a cheapskate!

  19. Kdk says:

    I always received a gift when he visited (it was a long distance relationship and we met 4-6 weekly with a long 6 week stay in July and a 5 week stay in December), usually some earrings or necklaces from Skagen and Pandora. Never a bracelet, I love bracelets. In the initial questionairre I told him that it is a nice way to court, buying jewellery thus making your lady feel pretty, he sometimes bought me books I never read bc they were not for me, I think they were leftovers from other relationships. So he bought me jewellery, but never what I wanted (wrong gift) when I bought myself one, he burst out in rage as I did something for myself, it was only him who was allowed to decorate me and I should not have done that. He also counted the pennies he spent on me and on visits to the UK and when we were fighting he was sure to throw everything into my face, every time and on schedule. He, on the other hand, always hated the gifts I bought him and made me return them. I got him the gift cards after the returns, but he never seemed to have used them. Probably he’ll use them to buy gifts his NPS. I’d do that if I were him.

  20. Lisa says:

    Useless, cheap, wrong on every level! The tHiNg even gave me something HE wanted for Christmas, and then proceeded to steal it from me!! Grrrr. Still infuriates me. The crap he got away with….
    Thanks HG. Triggering but true.

  21. CrAmelya says:

    HG, I still remember my reaction when I received the first gift from the Narc at the time I didn’t know he was one of your kind. But I was worried because we’re together for just a few weeks. And it was beautiful. He really gifted me a lot… as you said, in he’s mind I will have to pay for each one:( ” I was in debts with him” in certain way I have some thoughts inside myself telling me that isn’t right it’s like red flags but in the same time I was living in denial.
    Well, about six months of relationships he wanted to get engaged and I don’t and he did everything he could to got me into the engagement and accepted the ring. So I did and I notice that the ring was from past girlfriend 🙁 Well I try to end with him but he doesn’t want to ended our relationship of course. I finally escaped from him and he’s manipulation and etc…
    I was searching on your website anything that you talked about “gifts ” And I found 🙂 … because I would like to ask you if you don’t mind that;
    If I finished the relationship with the Narc him and I still have the engagement ring, he will expected that the ring to be returned to him? If yes. Should I go to him or I just mailed it to them?

    Thank you HG!

    1. NarcAngel says:

      You escaped him so you must keep no contact at all. There is no need to return it, thats what hes counting on to draw you back in. You owe him nothing. It was a gift from a fake and you can do with it what you like. Sell it and go on vacation to forget him if it turns out to be worth anything but dont be surprised if its only worth enough to get a bus into town.

      1. CrAmelya says:


        Thank you so much for your great advice… It’s like they say when you are in the forest you don’t see the trees infront your eyes. What you telling me makes a lot sense.

        I feel much better now 😃!
        Have a blessed day ❤️

  22. The Bride says:

    I received the seduction gift and after that I would receive gifts on b-days and Christmas that I did not want and basically consisted of things he wanted for himself instead. Again another enlightening article dearest HG.

  23. Sweetness says:

    He often would say he was getting me or my children a gift and then have me pick it up and pay for it.

  24. Jenna says:

    My ex future faked a gift to me. Ugh!! In fact, i think the future faker is a coward because he is unable to tell you (to your face) what his actual intentions are.

  25. Parisgirl says:

    Wait for it….I got a f*in foldup massage table as an early birthday gift. Sold to me as being ever so thoughtful because I have a stressful job. I had to keep it in my living room due to lack of storage in my loft. At first it was okay but during devaluation it was awful. I found out later that he and his wife had one. Not only that but I was sexually abused on it.
    I would bet my life savings on him using one with the new victim.
    It’s the first thing I got rid of after discard and hoovers.

    1. AH OH says:

      oh so sorry for this. I have two tables but I never had anything more than pleasure on a massage table. I get a massage weekly. And yes, I did have a fantasy fulfilled on a table at a spa from a massage ​therapist​. I look forward to this happening again somewhere, sometime.

      1. Love says:

        That’s the hardest thing for me to decipher with masseurs. I never know if when they say “I will do whatever you want”, is it an open invitation for a happy ending or just their flexibility in different massage styles (ex. Swedish vs. Deep tissue).

        1. AH OH says:

          You know when they are opening a door by how they touch you. I have had massages my entire adult life.

          1. Love says:

            Oh gosh, I wish I did. I honestly can’t tell the difference.

          2. AH OH says:

            HG would hate a massage. He doesn’t like to be touched. Or is it hugged? I can’t keep up with him.

          3. Love says:

            I think he doesn’t like both yet will endure it during the golden period.

          4. AH OH says:

            Yes, so perhaps it is Golden for him too and he won’t let remain. Self punishment. I know this feeling.

  26. AH OH says:

    I received 3 gifts from him for my b-day Unicorn brooches. One was 14K with a tiny diamond. I know he paid 600 for it. The weirdest thing, he opened them for me. He did not let me unwrap them.
    I also am very calm when I open a gift unless it is something huge, like a car or very unexpected. I open presents when I am alone if I can as I make faces and this is unavoidable.

    The coolest gift from my ex-husband was the Nascar Experience. I drove 31 laps. It was an unexpected gift and unique.

    1. abrokenwing says:

      @ Nascar Experience- That’s so cool!

      1. AH OH says:

        It was frightening at first because they put me in a seat that was too big and when you go around the corner, I unseated. I made one of the instructors ride with me. I was not going to die alone. It gave me a different perspective of what these race guys do. It is not just about going in a circle. I do have the goofy picture in the race gear by the car.
        They want you to get up to 145 and my top speed was 143. On a straight away I have been up to 110 with my s600 Mercedes, this one had a v12 under the hood. It moved when you put your foot on the gas pedal. (I sold it when I divorced which was not the best move on my part.)

        I was happy when I finished my laps, You do it in 3 segments. After each segment of laps, they give you more instructions. It was very intense. Every muscle in my body felt it.

        1. Love says:

          Ah Oh! Hi honey. How are you? Good to see you back. My heart skipped a beat when I read about your S600. Maybach, oh my. I’m a Mercedes girl myself. ❤

          1. AH OH says:

            s600 is a Mercedes. Mine was a 2008 and they no longer make this style. As I said, I was sorry I sold it. Wasn’t in a good place mentally. I was in the middle of taking apart my life that year. It was 2011. I think if you own a Maybach you better have a driver to go with it.

          2. Love says:

            Oh so it wasn’t a Mercedes Maybach s600? I’m sure it was beautiful nonetheless.

          3. AH OH says:

            plug it in to google. 2008 s500. Did I write s600? If I did it was a mistake, perhaps projecting the future.

          4. Love says:

            Lol. Yes, I should project a Maybach in my future too 😉

          5. AH OH says:

            You wouldn’t believe how many cars I have owned in my life. Most were with my ex husband as he spoiled me. Mercedes? E320 S450 and two s600. It was not considered a Maybach.

          6. Love says:

            At least he had great taste and kept upgrading. Brownie points to him.

          7. AH OH says:

            This is how he showed me love, he did not know hoot any other way. I do not think I will ever meet anyone so generous. He has emo issues and drank. I think of him often. I never hated him. I could not live with him any longer. He was good to me in the divorce too. I do not have contact with him for 3 years now. He would drink and send abusive emails to me so I cut him off.
            He was not a narc but I believe he is bi-polar. A very successful man who could never be happy and destroyed his life.

          8. AH OH says:

            When I stop traveling, I will get a luxury car again. I was looking at Tesla but I think a few more years need to go by. A few of my friends have them and love them.

      2. abrokenwing says:

        How thrilling! It must’ve been amazing to feel the force and huge adrenaline rush! Do you like motorsports? I’m a Formula 1 fun , I just watched Monaco’s GP. I would love to give it a go in one of the super cars . There is performance track driving experience available on the historic UK Goodwood Motor Circuit. Maybe one day… for now I am ‘Fast & Furious’ in my Mini on the motorway.😉🚙💥💨💨

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Goodwood is an excellent experience

          1. AH OH says:

            Do you drive your own or is it like the Nascar expirence where they supply the car. We have a track here you can take your car and go fast fast.
            Did you get a thrill from this HG? I am sure you kicked butt at something like this. You like danger.

          2. Ms brown says:

            reasonably priced packages as well…

        2. AH OH says:

          I am a sportfan when it suits me. I have no loyalty any one sport. I still have my Grand Prix jacket ​from when the event was at Caesar’s Palace. Exciting times for a young girl that I was.

        3. AH OH says:

          We had the race for two years.

        4. AH OH says:

          Mini Cooper? Driving in the US is another expirence with all the large vehicles. Get in a group of 4 semi’s and you realize how nothing you are in a small car.
          I just downsized my vehicle. I have driven Escalades for 14 years and did not need such a big SUV. I went with the XT5 Crossover Cadilac. The Platinum has most of the bells and whistles​ ​I like but it is only a V6 and not as much power. I do like it though. Very nice interior​.

      3. abrokenwing says:

        * fan

  27. AH OH says:

    I give gifts. Not sure why I do it. I like to give gifts of food and candy or music. Sometimes I give honey or something unusual in taste. I am a honey addict. My favorite is from Hawaii and Sweden which has the Elderflower. I just received a jar from Sweden my friend sent.

    I do not receive gifts often. I tell my family not to buy me anything. If I do want something, I let them know.

  28. Sarah says:

    The wrong gift, the rubbish gift and the residual fuel – I am howling! “Frothing Quasimodo”. I think I’ve just woke my neighbours with the laughing.

    I received a pen in a box once, for Christmas. I remember thinking “I can sign the judicial injunction form with this”.

  29. NarcedOut says:

    Gifts? He could never remember my birthday, and putting it in his phone was too much…..he ONLY remembers his kids birthday but makes no mistake to announce when his is repeatedly. What a tool!

    He hates Christmas so, no gifts.

    Valentine’s Day….nope.

    A Thank you gift or flowers after spending months of my time helping him do research? nope. A thank you card even? Nope.

    When someone wished me a Happy Birthday, he would see it and send me a text….Christmas morning? same thing a text.

    Gifts to him? he purposely withheld acknowledgement. I stopped giving him gifts and acknowledging him on his birthday, Christmas etc. That I thoroughly enjoyed. 🙂

  30. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

    Top three worst gift givers ever …

    Possibly number one if I didn’t bitch at him …

  31. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

    Mine was the cheapest mofo ever!

    I got screwed out of at least 2 birthday gifts in the 4 yrs we were together…

    I would show him something and he would get me something completely different (even though it was the same price) lol!

    I wised up and told him to just give me his credit card to buy shit online (of course I was considerate and didn’t spend that much). He was completely unaware of what he got me lmao…

    I paid for pretty much everything and I was going to school in another state and working a part time job…

    He was totally useless…

    “Do you have cash on you”

    “I forgot my wallet”

    I could go on and on ….

    1. 12345 says:

      My dad used to future fake gifts all the time. After my mother’s first divorce he would call my sister and I before our birthday and Christmas each year and have us mail him a list of anything we would like. We were five and seven years old. We would go through the JC Penney Christmas Toy Catalogue and spend hours making lists. That was such a fun time for us. We’d mail the list and wait as excited as we’d ever been. Then…nothing. Just nothing. Not a call. Not a gift. Nothing. Each year he would hoover us and have a list of reasons why it was not his fault but that he was so sorry. Being that young we would readily forgive and do it all over again. He was getting us ready for adult relationships with narcs. Expect nothing.

      1. giulia says:

        One day my father came home with 20 or more pairs of shoes. All real leather he said, some were snake leather. It was a bargain, he said, so he decided to buy shoes for all of us.
        He just didn’t care to check if the sizes were right. Not one single pair was wearable. The snake boots? They were orange/red and at least 4 sizes off. All the shoes ended up in the garbage.
        sometimes after dinner he would throw one candy up in the air and watch me, my two sisters and my brother, fight to get it.
        He would sit back in the couch and laugh while we were on the floor fighting for one candy.
        Then he would throw another one and the circus would start all over again. We were doing it because he liked it. But I remember I stopped a second to watch the scene, him laughing on the couch and us on the floor…it wasn’t right. I felt like an animal.
        He used to tell me I was his favourite, then talking to my sisters we found out he was saying the same things to each of us.
        I could right a book about my father.

      2. giulia says:


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