WNAAD – No Good Advice



Today is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (“WNAAD”) and in tandem with this awareness day, I have selected a series of articles which go to the issue of awareness, in terms of your own but more importantly to those who have yet to find insight and understanding. It is through YOU that you can direct people to this insight and understanding through YOUR sharing of my work. You have the capacity to assist others to seize the power. NOW is your opportunity to capitalise on this day’s impact by sharing, disseminating and spreading awareness.

Relationship advice. The internet is awash with it. Sites, blogs, question and answer sessions, videos on YouTube there is a plethora of advice about how to deal with the problems which arise in intimate relationships.

I decided recently to have a good look through many of these sites and gather together the common complaints which people raise when they submit their issues. There are plenty of submissions, thousands upon thousands of people complaining about the issues in their relationships. Oddly enough, I noticed a common thread with many of these complaints where people had written in to seek advice or explained their circumstances. Time and time again I the following:-

“Everything was wonderful to begin with, he swept me off my feet.”

“She made me feel like a king and it was just what I needed after how horrible my marriage had been.”

“I was taken aback by how loving he was, but it felt so good to be treated that way after everything that I had been through.”

“He told me how he had been hurt before and didn’t want to go through that again.”

“His ex-wife was horrible to him and he had been hurt but wanted to ensure everything was right between us.”

“Everything was marvellous for a few months and then he changed.”

“I didn’t know him anymore.”

“He started controlling me.”

“She told me who I could see.”

“He started to isolate me from family and friends.”

“He would flirt with other women.”

“She spent all of her time on the internet doing Lord knows what.”

“He never listens to me.”

“He became abusive.”

“The sex was amazing at first but then it just stopped.”

“He was so loving and attentive in bed but then he started suggesting threesomes and kinky stuff which I didn’t like.”

“He started to make decisions for me.”

“She would lose her temper over the smallest thing.”

“He would disappear for days on end and I was sick with worry.”

“He would not speak to me for several days even though I had done nothing wrong.”

“He started hitting me. He said sorry afterwards and seemed remorseful for what he had done, blaming it on seeing his dad beat him mum when he was young.”

“He doesn’t like anything I do any more, he puts me down.”

“Its like living with Jekyll and Hyde.”

“He just never contacted me again. I still don’t know what has happened.”

“He told me he couldn’t be with me anymore as he needed time to himself and then two days later I see him post about a new girlfriend on social media.”

“He was unfaithful to me repeatedly.”

“I still miss her after everything she has done.”

“I am financially ruined, stressed but I still love him.”

“Why can’t it be like it was in the beginning?”

“I want him back.”

I should imagine that all of you will be nodding at these comments for two reasons. First of all, you remember saying them yourself or something similar. Secondly, you now realise what was actually behind these behaviours. People like me.

Over and over again I saw questions and tales which all had the common theme of ‘Brilliant start, he became someone else, dumped me, I was heartbroken.’ Hundreds upon hundreds of these stories, these tales of misery and woe. A litany of despondency and confusion that has been piled up in the inboxes of the relationship advisors and gurus. I scrolled through them all, reading the replies, the advice and the suggestions. I read the analysis, I digested the observations and spent some considerable time doing so. What did I see?

Not one person raised the possibility that the person seeking advice had become involved with a narcissist. Not one.

Many of these blogs and relationship advice sites were clearly popular. Some were established names, linked to lifestyle magazines and newspapers. Many directed you to their services for counselling and relationship tool kits. Many of them trotted out similar comments and platitudes. Too often they read like the first world tribulations of a scene from Sex and the City rather than the abusive, destructive and harmful actions of dangerous narcissists.

Yet not one of them raised the suggestion that a narcissist was involved.

Now, naturally it is not the case that behind every relationship woe there is a narcissist but I know that those of you reading this, with the benefit of the enlightenment you have achieved knows that there is a good chance that problems of this nature as described repeatedly in the problems pages of these sites are something to do with people like my kind. Yet nobody was offering this as a possibility. That shows the scale of how easy it is for us to do what we do and pass undetected. It shows the staggering lack of knowledge about what we do say, think and do and the naivety of so many people, including those who apparently understand relationship dynamics.

Instead, I saw standard and repeated responses such as:-

“He is clearly a commitment phobe.”

No, he doesn’t want to spend time with you because he is devaluing you and is actually seducing someone else at the current time.

“You have outgrown each other.”

No, you never grew together to begin with because it was all predicated on an illusion and his lack of interest now is symptomatic of his interest being elsewhere.

“He may just be tired or stressed from working hard to support you and your children.”

Yes or he might be a narcissist who uses his rage to intimidate and control you.

You may have unrealistic expectations about the relationship.”

Damn right you do and we all know why that has happened don’t we?

You need him to take responsibility for his actions. He cannot keep blaming you for everything.”

Good luck with that one.

“He just might not be into you.”

Half-right I suppose, he just isn’t in to you fuel anymore, he is in to somebody else’s.

“He might be bored with life and not you. Try harder to interest him.”

Again, good luck with that one.

“Relationships require hard work. Don’t give up. Keep working at it and you can overcome the problems together.”

You have just been told to sign your own death warrant there.

“Some people have anger issues but that can managed with understanding and therapy.”

Or they have fury which ignites at the slightest provocation and always will.

“Being hurt is an inevitable part of a relationship.”

It is if you get ensnared by my kind.

I am not suggesting that every problem in a relationship is as a consequence of the other party being a narcissist, that is unrealistic. However, the number of times I read about what was clearly the narcissistic dynamic of seduction, devaluation and discard was significant. The monumental amount of times that I recognised narcissistic manipulations – rage attacks, silent treatments, triangulation, intimidation, bullying, gas lighting and so forth – in so many posts did not surprised me but they were not picked up on. Many times these manipulations were not isolated events. There were repeated occasions and also differing types of the manipulations which when combined and repeated point in one direction.

The advice and platitudes that were provided to people who were clearly, not just possibly, but clearly entangled with a narcissist, were way off the mark. The descriptions and answers I have listed above were the ones which were provided to people and at best this would mean the person would remain clueless and stuck with no appropriate solution and at worst they were providing advice which would harm the individual who had sought the advice.

I was not surprised by this erroneous advice. I was not amazed by this omission of our kind from the explanations. I was not taken aback by the scale of people complaining about what was clearly narcissistic abuse but not being told as such.

This is why we are able to do what we do.

This is why we are able to move amongst people, ensnare fresh victims and maintain our veneer of respectability.

This is why what we do is passed off as something else. Euphemised, diluted, lessened and made to seem like a standard relationship hiccup.

This is why ignorance is so harmful.

This is why we remain so effective.

This is why we remain so dangerous.



67 thoughts on “WNAAD – No Good Advice

  1. CatLady2468 says:

    Kudos HG this phenomena is the societal mind f*#k after the copious amounts already endured by the partner/ex, and that is often after enduring from some familial source or another. Then we are blamed, ‘you’re too needy/codependent/caring/sensitive/empathic” blah blah blah. Huh? But I thought I was too try harder to be less critical, re-engage him in the relationship, build mystery or make him jealous (that advice can be quite dangerous depending on the person as you know), try more experimental sexual acts to respark chemistry, set boundaries, relax boundaries, and so on. No wonder people go nuts or give up even bothering with trying to find out what’s going on and become helpless.

  2. Scout says:

    You’re very welcome Windstorm2. I too thoroughly enjoy programmes from other cultures. Danish thrillers are a favourite. Just watched Occupation. Of you into the environment, it’s one for you. Loved Breaking Bad. Prob the best drug drama ever put to the screen…
    HG, I enjoyed the first series of MSMs with the 2nd Barnaby. The psychological insights were intriguing. I never enjoyed John Nettles in the originals.

  3. Seekingwisdom says:

    HG. I know you are extremely busy and have lots to answer. I keep checking back to see if you’ve responded to my 2 questions earlier. Anxiously awaiting.
    Btw: Congrats! You’re coming up on 5 million hits.

  4. Lori says:

    HG I totally agree with you no one ever talks about possibly being with a narcissist
    I recently discovered this term and did much research on the subject. When I found your books it was like reading a horror story of my life with my narc. I have since left him and still struggle but know the truth thanks to you and your books. I am wiser and stronger now, setting boundaries to guard against the past and future. I know he will reach out to me at some point and I am reading and readying myself for when that time comes. I am still baffled at how I didn’t see it as I consider myself a very strong, smart, confident, beautiful, successful woman and seem to intimidate most men, but I have learned my lack of boundaries and empathetic personality is what drew him to me. I will be reading your exorcism book tonight since I still think of him way too often. My head knows the truth but my heart still struggles
    Thank you HG I appreciate your insight it has seen me thru a very dark time

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome Lori and I am pleased that it has assisted you.

  5. shantily says:

    HG would you be able to explain this for me behaviour for me ….. the Narc I knew would text me in the middle of the night (usually drunk) a nasty, jealous cutting remark or question – then the next morning ?
    He’d text ….
    Good morning beautiful as you wake up and read this …smile for me you are the most …. (insert loving remarks) ….

    Is this typical behaviour? Do you expect to just have the previous nasty cutting texts completely ignored and not addressed?;
    He did this ALL the time ….it’s just perplexing to me … he’s intelligent, and should know that this isn’t acceptable…

    It’s a small thing I know but I’ve never understood it ….thank you

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes it is evidence of the split thinking, the compartmentalisation and the need to keep you in an unstable state for the purposes of drawing fuel and maintaining control.

      1. shantily says:

        Essentially the answer to any question about Narc behaviour would be to figure out how he’d drawn fuel from said behaviour .. I see ….

        Those bizarre texts are a trivial matter but drove me insane and now I understand why

        Much appreciated


  6. Seekingwisdom says:

    HG, did you get my comment on this post with my questions? Perhaps I should have emailed as they were a bit off topic.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I did thank you, they are in moderation at present and I will be looking to answer them over the next few days.

      1. Seekingwisdom says:

        Awesome. Thank you.

      2. SeekingWisdom says:

        Did I miss your response somewhere in this post HG or did you email me? I hate to keep bothering you with it. I know you are a busy man, but they were a couple of interesting questions I was hoping you could enlighten me on.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You will have to direct me to the questions please, they may have been missed in the medley of other comments on the blog.

  7. Amber says:

    There is very little known or recognized. I think it is hard to understand how a person can be born cut off from their soul. Once recognized as a child, it’s very important to help them reconnect as many times as possible, educating them in empathy and compassion as they are able to understand, or flat out spelling out the consequences even if they don’t. But a much bigger amount of understanding is needed with the children with npd than a normal child. I think that once an adult, though, the people such as in my old church that told me maybe if i was a better wife (cleaned or cooked more) my ex would want to come home more and not stay out drinking all night and cheating. Unfortunately some of the people who give advice are very blind, and as you pointed out, encourage the victims to take even more abuse, which is literally against scripture, and could get them killed or their children taken away. So ty again for your help.

  8. Jdhers says:

    HG-Your observations of such material is apt and accurate. In an attempt to fix the relationship, I obsessively read relationship improvement books and articles during devaluation. INFJ’s tend to be fixers. None provided clarity, but all resulted in confusing frustration. Thank you for the validating article.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Jdhers and welcome on board, I am pleased you found the article validating.

    2. Jdhers says:

      The welcome is appreciated.

  9. Teresa Farrell says:

    On Jun 1, 2017 6:51 AM, “Knowing the Narcissist” wrote:

    > HG Tudor posted: ” Today is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day > (“WNAAD”) and in tandem with this awareness day, I have selected a series > of articles which go to the issue of awareness, in terms of your own but > more importantly to those who have yet to find ins” >

  10. Siobhan G. says:

    Fantastic HG!!!! So awesome that you dedicated so many of your blog articles to WNAAD. Well done πŸ‘

  11. Geminimom says:

    I read so many sites on narcissist in every category and then gave up then went back to googling it again and while reading a post I had read before , I scrolled down to read the comments as I like to do, and a lady commented and mentioned your blog HG. I wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget the name. that’s how I got here. Thanks to that lady commenting on someone’s blog. My internet never picked up your blog only the same things I looked at over and over. You have no idea what your writings have done for me. When you help me you help who I’m connected to also. I don’t sit silent. Minus my narc monster. Thank you HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Seize the power!

      1. strongerwendy says:

        Trademarking that I hope πŸ™‚

        Hmmm. Looks like Halo might already have it.

  12. I am still struggling with this. HOW in the midst of an absolute epidemic is the word narcissist not an every day and common term in our vocabulary? How? From my own personal perspective I know my silence is due to fear and I can imagine lots of reasons why victims don’t expose. But unless people are aware of it how can they get the help? One of my DA counsellors had never heard of NPD. Never heard of it! Another one had heard of it but was not familiar. They were clueless to the terms ‘projection, gas lighting, triangulation’ etc. And one of them has been working for WA for 40 years! In our group sessions there are 8 of us. All 8 of us are victims of narcissists. Not one of the other 7 or either of the counsellors knew this. It was I that pointed it out and accordingly set them off in the right direction to do their research. How has this subject not been broached in DA training? How has it stayed so undercover? HOW are womens aid unaware of it? There are thousands of narc advice sites, YouTube channels, help websites out there and thousands upon thousands of subscribers. So many people have had dealings with narcs…why isn’t it mainstream?
    The relationship websites you speak of HG, how has narcissism not been mentioned? I still dont get it.
    My counsellors have asked me to actually lead the next group sessions for ‘new people’. They say I have natural counselling qualities and I seem to be able to answer so many questions they can’t. That isn’t because I’m a natural counsellor it is because I KNOW what people are dealing with and I KNOW the only way out is to educate them until they fully understand NPD and the dynamics of the narc relationship. They HAVE to understand before they can even think about healing. Without comprehending the narcs ways, confusion will always trump whatever they think is helping them because they’ll never be able to make sense of it and they will always question why. There is no freedom.
    The covering up HAS to stop. Someone has to make a stand.
    I’m going to become your lieutenant HG and I’m going to start trawling these relationship ‘advice’ sites and start educating people on NPD and I’ll be sending them here.
    Win win no?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I fully endorse you doing so.

      1. Ah I much prefer it when you say “HG approves”

    2. Ms brown says:


  13. Ali says:

    the main issue on these relationship advice sites is the same issue I faced when trying to get marriage counseling years ago because of his behavior!!! they look at it from the perspective that BOTH partners are at fault, and in normal healthy relationships that may be true but not with narcs, never with narcs and so counseling does not work because no one sees them as narcs…and I think that’s slowly beginning o change but most places still cling to that old belief because neither partner was diagnosed as a narc…because so many still have no clue what a narc even IS…

    as long as folks see it as “both partners are the problem” there will always only ever be victim blaming and shaming… oh you’re not trying hard enough, oh you need to reclaim his attention, oh you must look at your behavior and improve it… um…NO folks, at some point when you’ve bent over backwards to make it work you have to face the one fact: you cannot make a one way relationship work… if you’re the only one trying to make it work it never will. If your partner just feels like treating you like dirt, not spending time with you, disrespecting you there is nothing you can ever do, bending over backwards or otherwise, to fix the relationship… time to move on and find a healthy relationship. know your worth, know you tried, know what you bring to the table in any given relationship, face yourself, face all you do/have done and recognize you are not the problem or even part of it (unless you’re the narc of course – LOL)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Useful and accurate observations

      1. Ali says:

        thank you HG

      2. sarabella says:

        Ali, yes exactly that. “It takes two to tango” means something completely different when a narc is involved. It is a dynamic between two, no doubt, but the victim is always going to be one down as long as there isn’t an awareness that a narc is involved and certain behaviors and dynamics are at play that are really unbeleivable and are not something a partner could ever hope to change which is all relationship advice is geared towards… growth, communication, health, well being. These are things that are of no interest to a narc so its a futile, futile place to be in. Every single attempt one might make towards those positive goals will be thwarted. Its like sticking someone on a gerbil treadmill and then berating them for never applying the tools to improve the quality of that treadmill run when everything is geared towards making sure it keeps the gerbil spinning and spinning.

    2. Brian says:

      umm my marriage therapist literally I said I wasn’t paying her enough attention. In response to me telling him about x-treme triangulation.

  14. Ali says:

    Reblogged this on rebuildingmylife2016 and commented:
    so true…

  15. foolme1time says:

    I wish you the best today HG! Perhaps some of us should go onto some of these relationship sites and steer them in the right direction?! Like you said they are not all narcissist, but perhaps in following your blog they will be able to determine that for themselves! Just by talking about it and explaining to people what it is ( without ever admitting I was a victim) they have become curious and ask questions. I had a gentlemen ask me the other night questions about Trump. ( at least he is good for something) because I always say he is a narcissist and then explain what his next move will be or why he is doing what he is. “So this narcissist stuff what does it say about why he is doing this? “He was hooked! I directed him to your site! Word of mouth is still the best form of advertising! We can all make a difference! How many times have you heard that line? So let’s make a difference and get the word out their about narcissism! With HGs help we can educate many!! Strength to all of you today and everyday!! Xxx πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ˜˜

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you and I think that would be an excellent step by people to do that.

      1. foolme1time says:

        Thank you HG. I have already started to check follow up on some of the sites. Hope you are well!!

  16. lansealan says:

    Hope you have a great interview and good showing today HG.
    Can’t wait for the aftermath from the abuse “experts”. Lol

    Will be interesting to see the reactions from those who don’t know you as well as (we) do. 😡😦😧

  17. Narc affair says:

    If i could make one wish in regards to awareness its that theyd heavily implement psychology courses into every grade starting from kkndergarten to graduation. A class youd get say once or twice a week that teaches students how to love and respect themselves. How to deal with bullys. How to be empowered in a situation where they feel they have no power possibly their homelife. It would teach them the fundamentals of what it is to be a healthy happy person. In turn theyd treat others the same way. You attract the positive energy you put out.
    I really think if we had programs like this that are given just as much importance as the academics wed see a huge change in people.
    It would especially help the students with abusive narc parents. Theyd feel they had another example to learn from and someone to turn to. I really hope and pray one day someone brings this into the school system. You have to start at the root of the problem and its childhood and abusive parents.

  18. Debbie says:


    Your articles are so powerful.
    And rousing.
    From a position of being enlightened by you and your endless, unrelenting work in the last 6 months I can honestly say that I have been able to survive in a better way than I otherwise would have done.

    A survivor..not a victim, and because of your honesty here on this blog, in your books and by consultation, I have gained a great deal.
    I will as a consequence spread awareness where needed and direct where appropriate.

    I am so proud of what you have done HG in your huge contribution to the truth of these situations…in the awful truths.. of the help and guidance that you provide and continue to provide. Of all the good that has come because you admit the darkness of narcissistic abuse.

    Im so proud of your honesty and dedication to this cause..no matter why you are doing this.
    All that matters is the help and safety that knowing the narcissist(s) provide.

    You give the keys to the door to freedom from your kind.
    I think the words “thank you” really don’t express the true depth of appreciation but, how else to say it?
    Thank you HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you

  19. Narc affair says:

    I want to wish you HG and the other contributers the best of luck today! Im really looking forward to listening to the info presented. Im hoping its in a way we can take our time and watch at our own convenience. Ive done webinars before and usually its session per day to view. I dont see anything kn my email yet but eagerly await. Ill check the website out too.
    Best of luck and im thankful for all you do HG abd this blog. Its a great source of info but also a lot of fun! πŸ‘
    I wonder if this is the first year we recognize this day. Im glad theres a day for narcissist abuse because it comes in all shapes and forms. Covert abuse for so long has not been recognized as abuse but its no less abuse than physical abuse. I still remember the day i came across my first u tube and it was delusion dispellers. I was stunned! I remember thinking omg theres a name for the years i cried and wondered why my mum treated me the way she did. Oddly i was researching bc of the narc i was with. I guess he was meant to teach me about my childhood. Lifes lessons..pay attaention theyre there. Anyways awareness is key. Now lets get this into the schools and do preventative!! No more narcissism! Lets heal the children and make our world a much better one πŸ’–

    1. ava101 says:

      I am totally with you, Narc affair.
      It took my ex narc, too, and then HG to make sense of it, to really understand what was going on all my life, and what was really behind the behaviour of my parents, etc.

      1. sarabella says:

        I am right there with you all. Decades of low grade pain, extreme isolation, targeted by various narcs one after another now makes sense. I never really had a loving mother and this is why.

  20. nikitalondon says:

    agree with Sarah. Fantastic

  21. Sarah says:

    This is fantastic!

    I’m going to write to a couple of my local magazine distributors and provide them with printed copies, detailing your blog. Specifically this article. People need the H Gee truth.
    A lot of people out there won’t think to Google ‘narcissist’, and that’s a lot of wasted knowledge and ignorance. It needs to be in newspapers, magazines, leaflets in doctor’s surgeries, hospitals, on bus/train posters.
    The truth makes us all stronger.

    1. strongerwendy says:

      Word of mouth and testimonials, HG. The strongest (and least expensive and potentially viral) tactics in the marketing plan I believe you’ve just launched. Plus, you’ve now identified your value proposition based on the research you’ve done on the competitive landscape. Nicely done.

  22. Anonymous says:

    Totally agree with you, I pretty much had to figure out myself what the actual problem was. It’s not like I never turned to people for advice, but nobody ever pointed me in the right direction. The advice I got went anywhere from “he’s just not that into you” to “maybe he’s depressed”. I am now an avid reader of your blog and have directed a friend of mine who was married to one of your kind and unfortunately has a kid with him to some of your entries that I believe are relevant to her. If I ever meet someone who has a similar experience, I will definitely show them your work again.

    Even now that I figured out what went on in my relationship and I tell people, they give me this weird look. I think most people expect that people of your kind beat the shit out of their partner and have 95 corpses in their garden, cellar, walls, etc. It’s just not talked about enough, and that’s why we need to spread the word and you’re doing a very good job.

    1. 12345 says:

      I’ve gotten that look so many times, Anonymous. I love it when my internist gives me that look when I tell him that I have anxiety due to being raised by the narcissistic mother. His response is, “well, has she been professionally diagnosed?” It was clear he thought I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. He has no idea that the majority of narcissists are never professionally diagnosed.

      1. sarabella says:

        When the narc dragged someone into our situation and I honestly went to her as well (I wonder how we both knew to run to this person?) this person and i did talk a long time about things. But one thing she said was, “Be the change you want to see.” Or something like that. But the implication was be the change you want to be in the world as if somehow, if I modeled bettter behavior, than what had happened to me might not have. But as HG explains in various ways, since I was the wild-eyed crazed one in extreme pain, lashing out, angry, became abusive myself… so of course it would look like like I needed fixing myself. It was true that I did but there ran concurrent with that statement this implication that I was acting alone and had not been psychologically mind fucked and that somehow, if I just behave differentely, life would be different. She didn’t want to know, understandably, what he had done but more than that, she would not have ever really gotten it because she is also not the kind that people like HG target. So she also would have no understanding of how empaths really work and how we are inside to grasp WHY someone like him could drive us insane. Its hard to explain but I really was left with the feeling that I needed to fix myself and follow life and relationship rules better and it would be different. I was inadvertently being blamed by her even though I don’t think she intended to. It was still there…

  23. seekingwisdom says:

    Wow! Truly enlightening HG. One of the best articles I’ve seen that puts it out there. You hit the nail on the head. Couple of quick questions…If a Narcissist knows that you know what he is and you’ve called him out on it, I know he will retreat because of the criticism, but does he hoover at anytime later or is it pretty much over? Also, when you meet another of your kind, do you know immediately that they are a narcissist?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The risk of a hoover always remains. I know fairly quickly yes.

  24. K says:

    This type of ignorance is ubiquitous. At my book club meeting, I argued that the abuser in the novel, Bastard Out of Carolina, was a narcissist and should have been punished, but most felt sorry for him because of his abusive past! The golden period was so effective that the mother chose the narcissist over her own young daughter in the narrative. The book is loosely based on the true life story of the author. Everywhere I go I spread the word about NPD abuse, this blog and WNAAD.

    1. sarabella says:

      Its what my mother did…. only she was the narc I thinking chosing someone else over her children. Not sure how different it is, but why is everyone so sorry for the perps?

  25. Scout says:

    Had a lorra lorra laughs with your responses in this one HG!
    Seriously, Narcissism is better addressed in America and elsewhere than here in the UK. Doctors and therapists are not trained to deal with victims of narcs. Apart from yourself and one other blog I read, all the info on narcs is American. Nothing wrong with that, most of it is had been helpful to some degree, but the lack of support and therapy- based knowledge on NPD in the UK is woefully and shamefully lacking. No one has a clue what I’m going through.
    Keep up the good work HG, you’re doing a fine job on our behalf.

    1. windstorm2 says:

      I wonder sometimes if the British mind is conditioned to be more accepting of narcissism. I am an American fan of British TV and my current favorite program is Midsomer Murders, where practically everyone is either a narc or an accepting victim. Narcs in Midsomer rarely even bother to maintain a facade and the people of this fictitious county seem to just accept this as normal. Now granted this is TV, but I and my family that watch this with me are quietly horrified at the tolerance for inexcusable behavior portrayed. This and other programs, like the old Keeping Up Appearances has often made me wonder at the differences in attitude for narcissism.

      1. Scout says:

        Hello Windstorm2. I was intrigued by your response, and I will try to answer…
        Tbh, I’m not a great fan of Midsommer Murders; I find it twee and cheesy for my taste. We rate MSMs as ‘cosy crime’ drama, scripts deliberately filled with cliched, stereo-typical characters full of hyperbole, therefore, characters that you aren’t meant to sympathise with or take seriously. The same with the comedy show, Keeping Up Appearances – Mrs Bucket, (Bouquet) the protagonist, is a deliberate construct of awfulness, but we laugh at her, not because she makes her hen-pecked hubby’s life a struggle, but because the joke is on her; she makes a complete fool of herself. In every show she looses credibility with everyone by being an unbearable snob and therein is the humour.
        I cannot answer your question with reference to whether or not we tolerate narcissism here in the UK more than your country. NPD has only relatively recently started to be bandied about here and I think docs and therapists have not woken up to it and the epidemic that I think is inevitable with the rise of the Me, Me, selfie generation… however, I would argue that we in the UK seem to be reluctant to label people for fear of stigmatising folk that haven’t been officially diagnosed with a disorder. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that in America you have funding and resources for specialist therapists for psychiatric disorders or, is it down to American doctors being more generally willing to address NPD in patients more than we are…?
        HG is in a position were, I assume, he can afford good therapy and he has been guided to seek help, but first and foremost, HG has recogised he has NPD, whereas the overwhelming majority of narcs are unaware of their disorder or, like my narc, are in denial.
        Of course this is only my view, others may take a different view or be able to answer your question more fully. BW. πŸ™‚

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I like Midsomer Murders. It does not realise how accurate it can be at times.

          1. Windstorm2 says:


        2. Windstorm2 says:

          Scout, thank you very much for your answer to my question. It is very difficult to understand a different culture. I have always been a student of other languages and cultures and find the differences in tv programs very interesting.
          One thing that you said made me laugh, that the British are “reluctant to label people for fear of stigmatising folk that haven’t been officially diagnosed with a disorder”. I think it’s safe to say that we have no trouble at all labeling people here!πŸ˜„ In fact it often seems to be a favorite pastime of many! We have no trouble with “in your face” type honesty. Or of giving our own, often uninformed, opinions as facts. Certainly in my area many people find it their responsibility to correct others they feel are behaving incorrectly. Perhaps this is because most people here are born again Christians and they feel obligated to prevent your going to hell from incorrect behavior.
          I don’t know about the difference in therapy. I do know we have tons of therapists and they seem to specialize a lot. It seems to be quite a popular occupation. It is not expensive at all to see a therapist.
          I have only ever been to two therapists and they both shocked me by their lightning (but unofficial of course) diagnosis of NPD for almost everyone I talked to them about – even the ones I wouldn’t have thought of! They were both adamant that I needed to cut off contact with nearly everyone in the family and seemed horrified by what I had thought was fairly normal.
          Again thank you for your answer. I really enjoy any insights I can glean into other cultures!

  26. 12345 says:

    This is an excellent taste of what people can learn from you HG. I hope you get a million+ followers and that you become the international symbol of narcissistic recovery.

    1. Alice says:

      He already is, and has been for years!

      @HG: Great reminder – Happy Narc Abuse Day:-)

  27. strongerwendy says:

    Excellent post. And good to read a new one.

    1. strongerwendy says:

      Oh, was a re-post. Not new. Any new ones coming up?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        In due course, plenty more to come.

        1. strongerwendy says:

          Unfortunately, patience isn’t one of my virtues. 😊

  28. vanessacoyle says:

    Thank you.

  29. windstorm2 says:

    Absolutely true.

  30. Exactly . Perfect post and I am reposting on my pages. Thanks!

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