The Cast Off Quintet

the-cast-off

 

The seduction is mesmerising and as part of its allure we of course tell you why we chose you with a thousand different sensual sentences. Some may seem over-the-top; others make sense to you but either way you are giving the basis of understanding why we have been drawn to you. We do not tell you the real reasons why we chose you but we do provide you with soame.

The devaluation is tortuous, horrific and unpleasant. You are unable to ascertain why we have suddenly knocked you from your pedestal. It is bewildering and confusing and only serves to add to your pain. You may have some reasons hurled at you but they will not make any sense to you and this is by design, to keep you confused and where we want you. Reasons are given, they just do not make sense.

Then comes the discard and more often than not you are left sprawled in the dust, exhausted, bereft and shattered with no explanation given as to why you have been thrown to one side as we stroll off into the sunset walking away nonchalantly. Why has it ended so suddenly? What did you do wrong? Why have we not told you why this has happened? The pain of being rejected is magnified by the failure to provide you with any explanation. Naturally, this refusal to explain is part of our design. We feel no need to explain because we can do as we want. We feel no need to give reasons because in our eyes you deserve no reasons because you have failed us. We offer no information for you to consider and process because certainly amongst the lesser of our kind they do not know themselves why is has ended, but it had to. This is the way it has to be.  There are however reasons why you are discarded. These are those reasons.

  1. You Have Wised Up

You have worked out, usually as a consequence of some external assistance that we must provoke you and make you react in an emotional fashion. You may not entirely understand why this dynamic occurs, you may not realise why it is so important to us, but you know that we want to make you react and you have stopped doing so. You have learned to respond in a neutral fashion and thus deprive us of our fuel. We apply our machinations in a harsher fashion, increasing the pressure to cause you to react as we feed on our secondary sources in the meanwhile but your resistance is substantial. You have not walked away, perhaps you are unable for financial reasons, children or the inconvenience of seeking a new home, but you have turned off the tap and we realise that it is not going to be turned back on anytime soon. We do not want to be in this weakened state and we do not wish to apply the energy we need to finding or embedding a new primary source to be used up on trying to squeeze fuel from you. Thus you are dropped.

  1. The New Source Is in Place

We began our devaluation of you as we sought a replacement for you. This explains the repeated affairs and now we have settled on your replacement as a primary source of fuel. He or she has been seduced and embedded into our supply chain. We are confident that they are functioning well, pouring forth delicious positive fuel in significant quantities and in a reliable manner, far better than you ever did. We have been fuelled by your negative fuel but there is no longer any need to keep you in play now that we have our new bright and shiny plaything. On to the scrap heap you go. We will come back later for a hoover of course, but for now it is adios.

  1. You’re Broken

Although it may seem during devaluation that we are trying to destroy you, that is actually not the case. Yes, we are driving you downwards through our repeated application of horrible manipulations but we do not want to finish you off. Just like somebody’s head we are holding under water, we will let you surface spluttering and gasping for air, by way of a respite period before plunging you into the icy water once again and holding you under. In and out, up and down, push and pull. We will have you bouncing along the bottom but not destroyed. Sometimes we go too far and the avalanche of abuse takes its toll on you resulting in you becoming broken. You are left numb, barely functioning or even hospitalised as a consequence of a break down. You provide us with no reaction any longer. Unlike the first instance above, this is not by choice, but as a consequence of our behaviour breaking you. Knowing now that you will not provide us with any fuel, we show our callous nature by taking no interest in your broken state but instead we shift our focus to embedding the new prospect that we have been cultivating and drop you.

  1. Major Exposure

You may have us worked out but your shock and horror at this, along with your desire to actually try to help and change us, means you continue you to spill out fuel towards us. You have the knowledge but you are not using it effectively, so we see no reason to go elsewhere. You may be trying to tell other people about our terrible behaviours but we have got in first, launched the smear campaign and maintained the façade. It is business as usual. Occasionally however you might just outflank us and manager to tell other people what we are like before we can do anything about it. These people see some incontrovertible evidence that you have obtained (admittedly usually obtain when dealing with the lesser and mid-range of our kind) and take your side. News spreads and those people we thought we could rely on either turn their backs on us or worse take your side. The façade is crumbling. The fuel has stopped and the energy required to change people’s minds (with no guarantee of success) is too great. We have been exposed in a major fashion. Rather than face the music and allow ourselves to be destroyed we drop you like a stone, saddle up and ride out of town in order to find a new place which hasn’t heard about who we are.

  1. Wounding with Intent

You’ve brought your A game on this occasion. Not only do you know what we are, the revelations that you have been provided with have caused you to now understand how you can hurt us. You know to turn off the tap but you know how to obtain the ultimate revenge against us and your emotion-free criticisms are launched at us. These criticisms wound us repeatedly, burning and hurting us and with no way of getting fuel from you, we are being beaten. You have been well schooled by somebody and applying those learned lessons you are starting to attack the very pillars of our existence. We are under a serious attack and fighting back is not an option. We need to flee and quickly. We don’t want you any longer, we know we cannot succeed at this moment in time and therefore we need to beat a retreat and promptly. You don’t want to let us off the hook because you want answers and you want to punish us for what we have done to you. You are not going to end our connection. We are not going to hang around however and we will discard you as we beat that retreat so we can recover, replenish and then look to strike back at a later date when your guard may be down.

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21 thoughts on “The Cast Off Quintet”

  1. Morning HG. Ex narc has decided to start visiting the same pub that I visit. This pub used to be his “hangout” however when I visited there he wouldn’t – when we were
    Together – off and on for 5 yrs – I couldn’t understand why he never took me there. Now i know !
    Saw him twice this week. I have engaged in conversation
    And thanks to you I am able listen to his nonsense. His joking- his accusations that I was the reason we didn’t work out -and inside I laugh, he’s a looney. He thinks in his warped mind that I care. – on top of this he always appeared a covert. However I am seeing a loud braggart of a person with the friends he has there in addition he will drink several beers and a several shots in a short period . This is part of the person he was hiding. This was once a man I worshipped. I now look and am dismayed that I was even attracted. As you so often
    Said. The mask– I fell in love with
    The fake.
    I have come full circle thanks to you HG. No wonder he hid the real him — and no wonder he’s been alone most of his life –your books , articles and blog helped me save myself . I continue to study and reinforce everyday !! Thank you , thank you !!

      1. Hi again — as much as i laugh inside At the. Nonsense he says about me being the reason we failed. Of. Course he teased when he said it — but he wants me to believe it – I k ow the truth and so does he. I just wish if – no – when– I see him again and he started the blaming / teasing. I want a zinger to come back with. Like an under handed. Passive aggressive. Covert zinger.
        Not an angry one cause I’m not but a wit of a zinger something I can say in my head ” touché ” afterwards
        Any ideas HG. ? Thank
        You

      2. Thank you for you follow up HG. I believe the signing up for the aging products will hit the spot
        I have seen him
        Since I posted. I am laughing inside. He has now quit the jabs and has advanced to talking about the “good old days”. We get a few laughs. Oh how I see the ploys of his narcissistic ways He made a comment ” ya know I have changed a lot. I am learning to apologize for the things I’ve done wrong “. I replied. Good for you ( no apologies coming my way of course )
        His behavior is just so text book
        I continue to study your books and blog HG. I remain strong and aware. And to be able to keep this safety shield around me and observe his behaviors is priceless !!!! Thank you !!!!

      1. It used to be ” his pub”. Then I started going. He didn’t visit for 4 months. But now he’s back. Yep a Hoover for sure

  2. Good morning HG.
    Interesting read as always. Thank you.
    He blocked me as I said before when I did my Supernova on him (not that I knew what that was at the time) and I added into it that it was all logged with the relevant people. The supernova mode is quite fulfilling as you just know that you have to do it. I had caught onto his game many times, the lies, the other women, the promises that never happened and just generally the odd way he acted. I always spoke to him about it in a calm way but told him it was unacceptable behaviour.
    Now if he ever tries to contact me again he will not succeed (my guard is never down, I can observe the strange characters) never ever will I be subjected to the nonsense of hell.
    As I said and will say again. I have been incomplete on my life and not known why. I had good men in my life, good friends, hobbies and was successful. This identified that what I have been searching for is mothers approval but that was never really going to come, ever. What I could not understand is I would always get cards, presents but not well done or I am proud of you. Now I realise my own mother is jealous of me and that is unbelievable but sadly the case. So onwards and upwards, time to really live. Now where is the sunshine, the beach and that bottle of vino?

  3. Hi HG, Just started reading your new Book No Contact – How to Beat the Narcissist. From what I am reading here, I believe I am in the devaluation stage? Fairly new, more brutal comments: “When I think of us, I think we are just really good friends. That bothers you doesn’t it? Sometime, I will ask you on a date to go out. I do care about you and you care about me. Quit trying to define things!” Of course this after seeing each other for 2 years as IP. And he never wants to go anywhere. He just wants me to come over when he is back in town from work and listen to him vent while he drinks bottles of wine. What are your thoughts on devaluation in this scenario?

    Freedom: Hope things are going well for you as you move forward!

    Thanks!

  4. Good evening HG,

    Would you try to help me understand this “fuel” that you speak of?
    I understand the manner in which you take it from us but I’m left
    puzzled as to how it effects you.
    It doesn’t seem to matter rather it’s positive fuel or negative fuel it still pleases you.

    Would gitty feelings that I might gain from a handsome man casting a flirtatious look my way be simular to what fuel does for you?

    1. yes positive or negative fuel serves our purposes. No, it is not similar to what you describe. Please see the book Fuel to understand more on this topic.

  5. HG, so even if the narcissist is the one to “break” us, because everything is our fault … I would never wound with intent, it is cruel and it hurts….from experience. 🙁

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