The Narcissistic Truths – No. 30
24 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 30”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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I was in and out of a relationship with a narcissist for a decade. I highly suggest some form of counter surveillance, possibly on his laptop or phone. My ex convinced me he was changing, went to counseling, the whole nine yards. Something still felt suspicious in my gut. I started waiting till 3 AM when he was in a deep sleep and reading his email. It turned out he was slandering me behind my back and soliciting other women to meet up for sex. This is while he was crying to me about all of his regrets. If he uses passwords or logs out of devices there are apps you can buy that log his passwords and store them for you. I would never advocate these measures in normal circumstances – but we all know these are not normal circumstances. This is your life in the balance, your self respect, your future. Don’t play around with these things, even if the narc treated them like garbage, they are precious, precious things.
What did you do with the information you obtained Julia or was it a case of wanting to understand what was really going on so you could plan accordingly? It is libel by the way when it is defamatory and in writing. Slander when spoken.
Meant to add self respect is something a narcissist detests! Self respect doesnt allow for being controlled.
Eventually you only corrupt those willing to be controlled and influenced. Once someone knows what theyre dealing with its a choice on their part to go along and be controlled and in the process be corrupted or set boundaries and take a stand for what they believe in but that takes self respect!
And show us sides of ourselves that we’ve never seen before. Good thing or bad thing? I’m not sure. On the one hand I didn’t like seeing my narc traits, I never knew they existed within me until the ex husband but on the other hand it’s kind I empowering to know I can kick arse of the need arises.
A homage to Silence of the Lambs there, image wise. HG. How do you define corruption of your victims?
Tainting their goodness.
In all honesty….I cannot have respect for those who behave like this.
I will suggest a nice reading, Demons of Dostoyevsky.
HG – it’s been months since I’ve needed to return to your site because I thought I was “cured”.
After 17yrs with my last narc (mid range) he left me and is marrying his wealthy supply. This has happened fast. He got Engaged in under a year.
I was 99.9% over it and had carved out a new life, new friends and a new body from training and dieting.
I’ve never heard from the ex, nor would I expect to or want to.
In January an old crush (on both our parts when we were 16) managed to track me down and started a very short love bombing phase. I was desperate for love and at 48 thought that at last my happy ending had arrived.
WRONG!!!!
He is ex army. Ex SAS. Now a bodyguard to celebrity’s.
He has an air about him that I find exciting and which I respect.
He is definitely a greater narc.
He conned me in by saying his current partner was due to move out this June. They are financially tied with numerous properties but have no children.
He has lent money from me but not paid it back although he can well afford to.
I have paid for all our nights away etc.
He is cold and has used silent treatments and disappearing acts virtually from day one.
He constantly blocks me and after much pleading from me, he unblocks me.
He orchestrates rows to vanish and will even vanish when nothing has happened.
This time it’s panned out differently….
He has gone silent on me, not responding to a single text but has left me able to leave texts and see his whatsapp status and I can see he is constantly online but ignores mine. (Probably talking to other females 😔)..
I messaged saying that I want only his friendship now… no more relationship. Told him I’d leave my number open to him etc. Still no reply.
So I’ve blocked him and deleted Whatsapp.
What I’m asking is this…
Will he of noticed? Is he likely to try and get hold of me now I’ve retained some power? Will he bother? As he is a greater narc will it anger him or will he laugh and let me go..? What do you think his next move will be?
I’m excellent supply for him. I’m attractive, fit, funny, loving, kind and giving.
I feel used. He knew my story and treated me worse than the ex! So after 5 months my head is battered and my heart is broken.
Any advice HG.?!!
Many thanks. X
Where can I hear your interview for WNAAD HG?
Because you’re jealous of our beauty and what was our innocence.
Despite the fact I’m no longer innocent, it is something I portray with ease. Hence the Ns male and female continue to flock round me.
For them naievety is stupidity ……. yet they still want to steal your naievety ?
Thank you for the re-inforcement of my feelings. That is exactly what they take. It is a long adjustment to living without it. I miss my naitivity but can’t unlearn what I’ve been enlightened with.
So true.
This truth…..is real.
One of the best things is feeling respect, wonder and protection for beauty.
Since you reject all of these emotions you must destroy the very thing that inspire them.
Beauty makes life worth living.
😟
Damn.
I am smart and have my shit comparatively together. I let him back in. Because he admitted…while choking back tears…that he has not been living right and even that he is a pathological liat (his words). His apparent awareness and professions of not wanting to live like this…I let him back in.
I am now frozen with what to do next. Would rather not wait for the disappointment but wth do I do now that he is back in my life peripherally and back in my bed and my ear??
All still part of the manipulation right? But he showed such awareness and of course still loves me etc. Ugh.
💔
Hello Christine, I know you want him badly and you can’t resist but I would try, at least, not to gamble with your well being.
He wants to come back? Good, then tell him to come back next time to see if you’ll let him in. And keep on going till the truth comes out.
Good luck
Hi Christine. The hardest part is over. Once you accept what he is and let HG educate you it will all fall into place. For me, it was all about getting my ducks in a row ready for the escape, while maintaining my own facade with him. I played along until I was ready to escape. It may seem dishonest or false but then the entire bedrock of my realationship with him was based on his lies so I didn’t feel at all guilty. The escape and immediate NC was the most overwhelming wave of relief I have ever felt. It was like being released from the fatal grip of a bear. 8 months on and I’m still having revelations about the extent of his control over me but I no longer miss him or have the maybe I was wrong moments. Time does heal. And knowledge. Stay strong and you will escape.
Hi Christine,
I can tell you from my experience that what I would do I If were in your shoes would be to start reading. If you haven’t already.. read, read ,read!!! I have been all over the web and this is the place to be for excellent information and support. It has to become ingrained in your head that this person IS this way. It’s very difficult, especially if the person your are dealing with is upfront and center. Pushing and pulling you and your emotions in all different directions. No one can make the decisions that you need to make except you. And you have to get strong mentally by reading, asking questions etc. Arm yourself with the truth..
Most of all, don’t give up…you will flounder but keep your head up and keep moving forward.. don’t let this person steal your life or your joy ❤️
Hi Christine,
I remember this feeling. The sinking feeling when he’s in your bed and you’re like… holy fuck… what is going to happen now?
It’s your intuition telling you that you are no longer safe and not to trust this person. Get him out of your bed and out of your life ASAP. It never ends well.
Yes! Exactly! Feels almost like I am trapped on a train and don’t know how to stop after I have broken no contact. Fear of how he will react if I go before the train crashes…fear of somehow hurting him with my lack of faith…sounds ridiculous…
The holy fuck moment. That point in time where nothing will ever be the same again
A succinct and powerful observation.
Hi Christine
HG calls it future faking. The endless promises to seek help and change. It will never happen as he won’t see that he needs help. It’s another way of ensuring you keep providing fuel. The tears are meaningless, they are simply another hook to keep you focussed on him and draw you back in. Crocodile tears are easy for them, especially when they know they have such an impact on us.
My ex promised to go to counselling to deal with his childhood issues. I had endless tearful conversations like the one you’ve described. Just before he was due to start his sessions, he discarded me and so of course never bothered going. It was easier to blame me for everything when it came to crunch time.
You are obviously aware of what he is and your gut instinct is telling you to be wary. Listen to it. It will save you a lot of heartache down the line. I regret every single day that I ignored mine.
If you do continue to allow him in your life, maybe suggest that one of the conditions for re-starting the relationship is that he seeks therapy beforehand? You would have to be ruthless enough to enforce this but it would give you some breathing space and ultimately prove to you one way or the other if he’s serious about it and you.