5 False Promises
The promise is used by the narcissist repeatedly, whether through Promised Gain or Future Faking, it is a mainstay of our manipulations against you, but what are the five most often used false promises that the narcissist is using against you and what does the narcissist ACTUALLY mean?
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8 thoughts on “5 False Promises”
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Mine actually said all of these things.
I stayed. He was so addictive. It was so hard. But now I’m on my 9th day of no contact. I actually “relapsed” on day 8 the last time I began my recovery.. but I passed that this time. On day 7 I was proud of myself and wrote on my blog. A few hours later he emailed me with the title “7 days later…” with how he misses me and loves me and how everything from the past was a mistake and I was “MY Sarah” and how he requested to meet with me next week. But he still tried having control over the day by telling me it would be better for him to be at the end of the week. Haha – some things never change eh 🙂
With HG’s help I have stuck to my no contact and didn’t even give into temptation. Finding HG and his work has actually saved me from not just the relationship, but the way he kindly helps the survivors of narc abuse in relationship by his advice through what he knows about his kind, has saved me from breaking my no contact.
🙂
Seize that power RFNA!
“I love you more”
“I never want to hurt you”
“Since you are trying, i can try too”
But he never borrowed money. He is too proud for that.
Interesting. He didn’t come outright with some of these, but as I think on it, they were all implied and still conveyed or then maybe assummed by me.
1. I thought of you for 35 years implied I always loved you. wvery 6 months thought of you
2. He got money and then devalued me but i got it back as he pretended he was always honest and used it then to guilt control me..
3. I know I hurt you 35 years ago so with that awareness, surely he wouldn’t do the same thing again? I assumed.
4. I have a cheating problem but with the right person, could change implied you may be it
5. I hurt you for ignorant reasons as a child (nothing was his fault) and things stood in the way of us beyond my control, but I was a boy, didn’t know any better… but now that I am here this is proof I changed so trust me now
Such a mix of being led astray and all these led me to assume, too, that this time, it was going to be different. I was going to finally be loved by him.
I loaned money to X narc because I perceived it as s one-off, as he had plentiful resources. I slowly dragged what he owed me out of him by being relentless and never dropping it.
He convinced me that he was faithful, was very careful, and I didn’t suspect anything until the last year (out of 5) we were together, when he came up with all these new hobbies and interests that took his time away from me, and he was less interested in what I was doing.
As usual, HG reveals the truth behind their behaviors.
This one seriously took me quite a while to figure out, unfortunately. But I’m glad that I did. I believed his words …..”go ahead and leave your high-paying excellent job, I’ll always look after you and your child, always”…. Such a lie! It was done solely to put me in a position of his utter control. Now I’m paying the price for it. Literally. Also he manipulated me into putting all bills in my name except for one. He pays that one that’s in his name…..I’m on my own for the rest, no matter how much I’m suffering with my child. What a great set-up for constant fuel. I have learned though from my own mistakes, very well. I clearly see now how this was nothing but a chess game to him. HG, I would greatly value any suggestions you may have on how to deal with this type of situation? I’ve already taken steps and do believe I’m on the right path, I realize no-contact is the only way, but when you’re so entangled financially, sometimes you must communicate unfortunately. Again, any good suggestions for approach? Thank you, in advance.
Lord, heard all those lines during hoovers. I think what really helped me see he was full of it was when I didn’t respond to the “I love you forever, please come back”, it shifted to me being a heartless woman in a split second. It affirmed my need to keep no contact and ignore.
I will repay you… all classes/cadres