The Super Empath

the-super-empath

 

It is well known that our kind target those who have empathic traits. Just like those of my persuasion operate on a spectrum, those who exhibit empathy do so as well. There are those we might regard as the “normals” those people who have some narcissistic traits and some empathic traits. As ever, when I use the words empathic and empathetic I state them with reference to certain traits such as empathy (clearly), honesty, kindness, decency and such like. I do not use the words in the sense of being in tune with the world and the environment. The normal are in the centre, possibly leaning one way towards my kind or the other way towards your kind. It is extremely rare for a normal to be ensnared as primary source because put simply, they do not cut the mustard. Their emotional responses are not sufficient, their empathic traits whilst evident are not sufficient to either bind to us or provide us with the fuel that we need. Such a person would easily pass a homeless person begging, a person crying alone on a bench or somebody who had fallen off their bike and injured themselves. They are self-absorbed but not to the degree that our kind is. They will help if they really have to, but they do not go out of their way to act in a way that causes harm to anybody else.

Thereafter come those who are empaths. Empaths are always targeted as primary sources. They often fulfil secondary roles as well. They are rarer in a tertiary source position since if they are an empath, they would be better suited to either being a primary or secondary source. We would not want those empathic traits to go to waste. The empath has a good range of empathic traits those of honesty, decency, having a strong moral compass and being a good listener, just to list a few of them. They may not have all of the empathic traits that we look for, but they will have several and exhibit them in a concentrated form. Thus this person would look to donate to a charity, hand a wallet in that was found in the street, help a stranger who is in distress, sit and listen to somebody who has problems and acts of a similar nature.

Next comes the Super Empath. This person is not a co-dependent. Both the Super Empath and the co-dependent have many, if not all of the empathic traits that we look for and they have them to a stronger degree than the empath. For example, both might take the homeless person under their wing and take them to a shelter, maybe even house them themselves for a period of time. They would try and locate the person who had lost their wallet in order to hand it back in person rather than say hand it in at a police station first. They will listen to the person with problems and then offer practical solutions to resolve those difficulties. The co-dependent gains validation from such acts through giving and has to do this to an excessive degree even when it goes beyond what is good for themselves, such is their inherent addiction to the act of giving and selflessness. The co-dependent may not actually be that strong an individual (they are in the sense of the abuse that they can soak up) but they are not strong as they have no identity to assert, they must form one through self-flagellation, giving and not taking. They are masochistic in nature, driving themselves to the point of collapse and illness because they lack the strength to escape and the desire to do so from the clutches of our kind. Lesser Narcissists and Mid-Range Narcissists hook up with co-dependents especially because they give, give and give but do not fight back. They challenge themselves, blame themselves and always make excuses for their abuser.

The Super Empath is also a giver but whereas the co-dependent is masochistic in this giving, the Super Empath does so from a position of strength. They hold their ability to empathise, to heal, to fix and impart goodness as a great gift and one which ought not to be abused. They are drawn to our kind less because of the co-dependent’s need to seek validation of identity through a narcissist, but more because they are initially attracted to the apparent emotional output of the narcissist. The false strength which the narcissist exhibits at the outset of the seduction, the confidence, the apparent satisfaction with his self, that he appears comfortable in his own skin, at ease with others, capable of lighting up a room and so forth is a huge attraction to the Super Empath because that person actually sees something of themselves in the narcissist when the narcissist is seducing. That is not to state that the Super Empath is a narcissist. Far from it. But the Super Empath is just as engaging as the narcissist and thus there is a mutual attraction. The Super Empath is also more challenging to the narcissist and therefore is usually the recipient of some Mid-Range narcissists and most often the Greater Narcissist. This is not because the Super Empath is awkward or reticent but rather she will be forthcoming with her empathic traits once she feels that they have been earned. Accordingly, the narcissist must put the extra miles in, in terms of seduction to ensnare the Super Empath. This person needs to be coerced into sharing the fruits of their empathy but once that trust has been earned, once the gate has been unlocked the benefits are huge. The Super Empath shines with empathy, glows with decency and pours forth delicious fuel.

This continues during devaluation. The empath and co-dependent are easier to “break” in terms of causing negative fuel to flow. The Super Empath is made of sterner material and will resist the negative machinations of the narcissist at first. This may result in the narcissist dis-engaging if he does not feel able to impact on the Super Empath and seeking fuel elsewhere. The Greater knows who he has ensnared and knows once again he must unlock the fuel source, this time negative, of the Super Empath and once it is done the tidal wave of fuel is to be enjoyed. The Super Empath will remain, wanting to fix the narcissist, exhibiting again the same empathic traits of others on the empathic spectrum, but again being made of sterner stuff, their descent towards numbness and malfunction is far slower than that of the empath. The Super Empath will keep providing the fuel but deteriorates at a slower rate. The risk factor however with a Super Empath is that their own personal integrity is greater than the empath’s and very much greater than that of the co-dependent and consequently of all these three classes of empath, the Super Empath is the one more likely to make a bid for escape and thus leave the narcissist with a cessation problem.

The challenge of unlocking both positive and negative fuel proves an attraction for the right type of narcissist because this allows him to assert his superiority and enjoy the challenge. The reward is magnificent. Excellent fuel and such that deteriorates at a much slower rate. The downside is the potential for the Super Empath becoming “aware” of what is happening, becoming unwilling to dedicate further energy to staying with the narcissist to fix and to heal and thus escaping. The Super Empath requires fairly careful management by our kind, but the rewards always mean that this person is a challenge which is often accepted.

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77 thoughts on “The Super Empath”

  1. Ok, I am 100% a Super Empath. That’s it, staying single for the rest of my life. I can’t be trusted with men.

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    1. So HG, if I’m ever interested in a guy again, would you, for a significant amount of money, date him before I do, so I can be sure he’s not a narc? You should really add this service to your website. I’m only about 48% kidding.

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      1. Would you have to see them in person, or would looking at their say Facebook be enough? I know some of my kind say they can recognise them, but I can’t. I’m in this stage where I assume everyone who is interested in me must be one. The other day a guy said “hi” to me on the train and I very nearly said “Away from me, Satan!”. Maybe I need therapy.

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      2. One may well be able to see plenty of indicators say on FB, but an in person ‘assessment’ is bound to be the clincher.

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      3. Anonymous, LOVE This idea!!! I probobly would actually pay big bucks for this!! omg… I literally laughed myself off the chair at this idea😆

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      1. Lolll for once it’s not Operator Error this time. There’s always a silver lining…

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      2. I only have the like button for the posts. I did have one for comments that you added last week but that is gone now. I’m not very lucky with ant type of electronic! Especially my phone!! Xxx

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      3. Remember, you’re special? Us small potatoes have nada as a like button. Close your eyes and what do you see? Nothing is what we have. Lol

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      4. Only on comments directed to me. For instance I can’t like your Goodfellows reference from earlier today, except for right now. Lol

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      5. Greetings HG….I have 3 new 2017 mac devices and using macOS sierra 10.12.5 currently… there are NO like icons, only the REPLY choice is available on narcsite.com. The WP platform allows “like” (✩) ONLY for your posts… it has changed again for your readers, Fucking A!

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      6. what typically happens when two narcs encounter one another?

        in my experience with the narc, he despised other narcs. in two cases, it seemed he hated them from the outset. in the third case, they were friends at first… then within one weekend, something transpired that made them hate one another & they never spoke again.

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  2. Hi HG. You diagnosed me as a co-dependent in my consult which I think is accurate. My most dangerous relationship with a narc was with a greater for 10 years total – 6 the first and 4 the second. I was not a primary either time with him but in between times I became his best friends primary for 7 years. Yes, readers, I know that’s gross – long story. Anyway, why didn’t I bore the hell out of the greater? I most definitely would have stayed for his abuse. I’m now able to be endlessly grateful in hindsight that I was discarded.

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  3. Hence why my ex midranger kept on saying that he can’t handle me because I am too argumentative and forceful and that I just do what I want.

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    1. Yes indeed! I was reminded again this weekend how “simple” things would be had I just shut up and listened to him.
      Now instead of feeling offended, I just giggle because I know I challenged his need for managing and controlling.

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  4. Careful management, oh my oh my oh my.
    I am a person in my own right, no one will manage me. I hope that others here resonate with me.
    Oh my, oh my, oh my. Just had to say that again.
    Oh dear, becoming repetitive like the narc.

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  5. HG are people of the empathic group easy to find? Do they make out a big portion of the population? What type of empaths is easiest to find?

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  6. HG, does only a Greater recognise another one? A friend`s wife of my narc said: “They smell each other.” She seemed so sure about it and she never doubted that he is a narcissist, although she did not know the label “narcissist.” I was very surprised. And she was surprised too. She asked me: “Did you not know that?” She is a tough woman.

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    1. Greaters recognise other narcissists. Lesser and Mid-Range do not. Empaths recognise narcissists also once they have gained the requisite knowledge.

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  7. This now makes perfect sense now why I’ve not been hoovered!! I’m a super an when I broke my neck I got more sympathy then my greater did so I got discarded super fast and in a way that he got more fuel! Jobless, penniless and broken. I totally lost all emotion for him at this time. Don’t get me wrong he hoovered but from a distance to watch me flounder but I moved away and he needs more fuel so is harder at work finding supply then hoovering

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  8. HG, I don’t know if anyone else is having issues yet? When I click on a post to read it that message is popping up again telling me my phone has viruses detected. Just wanted to give you the heads up in case others start having this happen to them again. Thank you for getting the like button back! Xxx

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  9. HG, I have a stupid question. Do Super Empaths typically have blue eyes? It’s just that this picture makes me wonder. Although I assume the answer is no. You probably chose it for the same reason good people in movies are generally portrayed with lighter eyes and the bad ones with dark hair and brown eyes.

    Also, are you changing the like button all the time? Before it was purple, now it’s turquoise blue. I’m too old for change.

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    1. I have not noticed any consistency of eye colour for super empaths.

      Changing the like button colour? No. You must be imagining things again. You keep doing this. Your memory is not what it was. It has always been turquoise blue. Never purple. Maybe you should see your doctor.
      (Yes I altered it – I was trying a different plug in to see if it would display who liked the comment but it appears that no plug in supports that).

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      1. Its nice having the like button back but honestly i miss the old format where blog titles were listed instead of scrolling through every full blog to get to replies. Oh well you cant please them all. Maybe the wp app is better ive not tried it yet.

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      2. WP is more convenient as you can streamline the blogs into one author, scroll, then when you click on “visit” it takes you to that particular reading on narcsite.com to comment, read comments, like, etc.Works seamlessly, USUALLY, lol. “someone” once told me “its not the device, its the user” 🤓 I AM a closet geek

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      3. For a second I thought you’re entirely insane, or are confusing me with someone else!

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      4. i ordered your book yesterday so clearly have a lot more to learn from (finally) an expert source, but i was wondering yesterday if any narcs have a sense of humor… i’m glad to see from your comments that you certainly do.

        (yes, a couple of fuel nuggets for you today, HG. you’re welcome, buddy.)

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      5. I have an excellent sense of humour, it is a weapon. Thank you for ordering the book, keep reading.

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      6. Hello HG!
        Are you giving us an example of Gaslighting? Your first answer reminds me a lot about my ex’s way of trying to make me doubt about my own judgement…and implying as well that something was wrong with me.
        Your second answer gave us the correct explanation..although I assume you do not usually do that …

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      7. I seen this as a mock gaslighting lol
        I couldnt believe it this past weekend my brother in law tried to gaslight me. Hes never done that before that i know of. He tried convincing me theyd done something in their front yard months ago that i know he just did. He had a smirk on his face as he kept telling me it had been there for awhile. I asked my sis in law and she told me he had just done it. I still cant wrap my head around all the mind games narcissists play. It seems like such a waste of time.

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      8. Some of the gaslighting hes done over the years…removing pictures from frames, hiding keys, adjusting thermostats really high so its sweltering, punctured a waterbed yrs ago, set up creepy shrine type vignettes in their yard(satanic looking), pets have gone missing, messing with my sis in laws meds, taking small objects from peoples homes or moving them. Insidious! My mother in laws caught him a few times in the act and he turns it into a practical joke. I now know why he does these things. What a freak!!

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      9. oh naughty naughty, who’s likes are you stalking? – grin –

        that would be an interesting study actually… each empath type and each narc type and do they have a specific eye color/iris shape/physical trait of some sort…

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  10. Hi HG. I have asked something here and it got deleted or disappeared. I am repeating the question since it is important for me to know ..
    My question:
    Which variety of empaths are sidechicks, dirty little secrets and have affairs with a married narc. Does that not go against empathy? Empathy for you spouse or the nars wife. How can an empath have extra marrital affairs if she is supposed to be considered of the need of others and not just herself. Is an empath not supposed to be caring, loving, honest with integrity etc. Thats what draw you to empaths right? Please make me understand. I don’t understand why someone would willingly gave an affair yet call herself an empath

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    1. The issue of infidelity and the empath is one which raises divided and often fierce opinion. As you identify KT, there are three instances where this arises:-

      1. The victim is married to someone else and has an affair outside of their relationship ;
      2. The victim is single and has an affair with a married narcissist (or narc who is in a relationship already) ; or
      3. Both of the above.

      It does, at first blush, to be the case that someone who would engage in this behaviour could be said to lack empathy. I recommend you look out for the forthcoming article “The Dirty Empath”.

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  11. follow up to humor question… do you feel any genuine positive emotion from humor in general, i.e. do you find others’ humor funny or pleasing in any way? or do you enjoy your own “sense of humor” strictly in terms of its effectiveness as a tool you use for manipulation and your self-satisfaction with your own cleverness?

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    1. I find my own humour amusing and the effect it has. I can appreciate the humour of others if it is directed towards me (I do not mean laughing at me but telling a joke to me or engaging in humorous conversation) as this is a form of fuel.

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      1. thank you for responding… can you, for example, watch a comedy on film (or would you ever even do such a thing without it serving some sort of purpose re: a fuel source) and sincerely find it funny?

        now that i consider this question, i wonder if you are capable of enjoying any activity solely for the purpose of self-enjoyment if it does not serve a manipulative function or involve an audience.

        i suppose i should just shut up and start reading.

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      2. ok, done… makes sense (to the degree that is possible) and fits with my experience. alas, true to form, i come here to educate myself and wind up feeling sorry for you. smh…

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      3. Understandable but I don’t need your sorrow, appreciation and admiration will do just fine.

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