Little Acons – No. 5

YOU NEED TOBE LIKE ME

A series of memes which encapsulates the mind set of the narcissistic parent towards their child result in the creation of the Adult Child of a Narcissist.

27 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 5

  1. MsSevyn says:

    Ia it too late to save my daughter? She’s 16 and worships her father. I think he’s a greater N based on his wealth. She admitted she has no empathy. She feels sadness and jealousy.

    1. ACON's Mom says:

      That’s what I’m struggling with as well. Can you get her to counseling? It would have to be someone very good.. My son won’t go, and his dad will also not support it, of course.
      I am hoping that he can understand and heal when he gets older. I think having one sane parent does help.

  2. Mabel says:

    It’s funny it wasn’t until recently I realized how many traits of narcissism my mom had; i always read a parent who lacked the ability to validate the emotional needs of a child was the reason some people are attractive to narcs, the father usually for the girl. But other than possibly abandonment issues because he worked out of state, my dad has and still does say I love you and encourages my happiness. He’s a super empath, and I probably got more abandonment issues with my mother who left us at home every night to get beat up by my older sister than my dad, who would drive 5 hrs to be home if he got rained out. She invalidates my emotions constantly and I love her but she only wants me to succeed to make her look good not because my happiness matters. It was kind of a trip realizing my ma was probably the first narc in my life.

  3. June says:

    Sigh. Such a vicious cycle.

    I’m sorry if this is too personal HG, but…are you ever planning to have children of your own? And if so, are you planning to do things differently than your mother did? I know the whole “lack of empathy” thing might be an insurmountable obstacle for many, many narcissists in that position. But don’t you want to prove to everyone that you’re better than her in every way (as you already have professionally)?

    Thanks, and again, I’m sorry if this was too personal. You don’t have to answer if it is. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No I am not.

  4. Shannon says:

    He made me just like him, too.

  5. 1jaded1 says:

    HG. You are better than she is. This is notwithstanding and irrespective of NPD. She is probably livid because you have surpassed her in every way.

  6. Mona says:

    Windstorm2,
    that is typical, selfish as much as possible. Whether it is envy, greed or whatever else. We do not owe them anything. My narc is not fully responsible for his greed. He was taught by his parents that money is all that counts. He was taught: if you have money, you are happy. So, he is running for money. I do not know, whether it is his own opinion, or if he is only following the family tradition. The more I know about them, the more I am disappointed.

  7. K says:

    My mother was mad that I tried to get an education; she wanted me to be a drunk or a junkie like my siblings and cousins.

  8. Mona says:

    Oh yes. I had to be like her. A holy, altruistic woman, “helping other people” should give me some kind of satisfaction. Do not misunderstand, I really help, if it is necessary, but I do not find satisfaction in it. It was not my way to be satisfied. I do not want to be a “holy” person. That is one of her reasons to help. But I am not like her. Second, I do not find satisfaction, that other people say: “She is such a good one.” That is her second reason to help. I do not feel like her. I do not want that people think, that I am a bad person. But that`s all.

    She blamed me, because I had two cars for a short time. One car was for fun, the other one for every day use. That is not usual for women but for men. “What will all the other people think of you? ” “How can you do that?” Well, I do not care. I do not harm anyone with my two cars. Some people congratulated me because of that nice car, others showed some envy. As long as I do not harm boundaries of other people, I am not concerned. Too long I tried to please her and followed her steps. They do not allow you to be different. You have to be a copy of them. Narcs do not help you to find out, what you really are. They do not support your own interests or hobbies. If they are not interested in music, you are never allowed to play an instrument. They will devalue your need and make jokes about it. So, you will never know, what you really are and what you really want. That is sad. You are not allowed to develop your own, natural self. I believe that I am just at the development stage of puberty. I just discover my own self and separate. She always will stay at the development stage of a child and will never let me go.
    In your case, HG, I believe that you were never allowed to show your talent as a writer and your talent of creativity. As far as you describe your family it was not appreciated as something special. If it is similar to my case, your talent was negotiated or devalued. As far as I can interprete your memes and the family motto, you have to be the “big boss.” And your own special creativity has never been part of the family history. That sounds like a lot of pressure to hide your own self. It could be so easy , if…

    1. windstorm2 says:

      Mona
      Your story of having two cars struck a chord with me. I have 2 cars also even though I live alone. I bought the second one because I live far from a mechanic and had to miss several work days when my car wouldn’t start. So I thought I’d keep an extra one to prevent that happening again.

      Every one of my narcs went off on me!! You’d have thought I was the most selfish, wasteful, inconsiderate person on earth! I had to hear all the horrible things “everyone else” would think about me and over and over about how selfish I was to keep 2 cars when they didn’t have as good a car as either of mine. Every single narcissist insisted I give him one of my cars – because he felt he needed it more than I did!!

  9. …..and if not, than be better than me he would say. But whatever you do, don’t be like her.
    …..and if not, than be like my side of the family, we are all successful (she never worked) but do not be like him or his family.
    Who am I supposed to be then? Surely not myself, that’s out of the question. How dare I want self identity and boundaries, that’s treason.
    No contact with her since September 2016 and I broke no contact with him a week ago….I had to hoover him too.

    Thanks Again for the opportunity to consult with you.
    Private consults with HG work. Don’t be afraid. It’s all business and logic. He may stumble into some of your emotion, but he just brushes that shit off and reminds you to use logic not heart. If you have trust issues ladies and gents, do not fret. He is very pleasant and has no reason to harm you. It easier for him to get the context and perspective you are trying to convey. The answers are tailored to your situation. He is patient, pleasant and well mannered. I respect his opinion as I’m sure you do too. This is a great opportunity to take advantage of, especially if you are in a crisis. He will ease your mind and strategize to help you to stay on target with low or no contact. If you are considering it but apprehensive, don’t be. Pull the trigger and get the answers you need. His methods are superior and his mind is brilliant. Narcissism is his forte. You will get straight answers and relief. He will make you feel better and give you the strength to continue your personal battle in beating the narcissist.

    Anna Belle Black โ™กโ˜†

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you ABB.

      1. AH OH says:

        ABB and HG,

        Sheesh You mean I have been missing out? I am beyond help I am afraid.
        No consult will fix my issues. Can we talk politics?

      2. AH OH says:

        I am going to buy weeks of consults just so HG can read all the books by Dr. Seuss to me. Perhaps PippY Longstocking too.

        I am Sam
        Sam I am

    2. Khaleesi says:

      I completely agree ABB! Having consults with HG was the best decision I’ve ever made.

  10. DLS says:

    Mine was expanding on that and articulating. The content of the speech delivered just about every evening was:

    “you are my sons and daughters, you are lucky, special, selected, elite. I didn’t have a father like me but you did so you must rich higher grounds than me. Things like the Noble Price, (any, doesn’t matter what), becoming the wife of the US president, bring peace to the Middle East (and on with simple things like these).

    But (watch this) always keep a humble and noble attitude, sacrifice your for the sake of humanity”

    Like Jesus Christ, which was the son of God. Although it was not clear to me who was doing the son and who the father because he was referring to himself like a Jesus at times, and other times God.

    That was all, nothing much after all, easy.

  11. SVR says:

    Once I did, now I don’t and I won’t.
    These are making me realise I have escaped so much toxicity.
    Thank you HG

  12. Narc affair says:

    A mini me extension to manipulate and brag about. Look what a great parent i am my childs perfection but of course they are theyre my child and im perfect.

    1. ACON's Mom says:

      Yes, this is exactly how my ex is with our son.

  13. AH OH says:

    LOL Used myself on the reason my sons should do it differently.
    “Look at your mother, do you want the same? Do it better do it wiser do what I did not.” It worked!

    1. 1jaded1 says:

      Hi AH OH. Hah…when I read the caption, my first thought was a narcissist would never say you must be better than me. That would be unthinkable. Your children are as they are because of you.

      How are you doing?

      1. AH OH says:

        I am just dandy, sweet like candy. How are you 1J1!

        1. 1jaded1 says:

          AH OH.I am a-okay, thank you. Glad to see you back.

          1. AH OH says:

            I never left. I just do not post as often but I still check in. When I get pissed off or jealous of all these people flirting with HG, I back off.
            LOL You know he belongs only to the sister wives. He doesn’t like it but it is what it is.

          2. MLA - Clarece says:

            But Ah-Oh…you’re one of the biggest flirts! lol
            jk
            Happy 4th!

          3. AH OH says:

            MLA Only with my sister wives and I believe this includes you! Muah! Hugs!

            I admittedly say I’m jealous and I self limit when I stomp my foot. I try not to flirt too much with our host but as you know, it is impossible at times. He is just that enticing.

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