I started to take power back when I had my last conversations with him and was strong enough to say, “Stop lying”! What I found is that while it did not change his behaviors or affect anything, really, it did make him back down a bit. He lied that anything intimate, sexual, emotional and close had ever happened to us as a way to control the narrative and undermine me, devalue that I was not even anyone to remember but what he had made up in his little head. I had been regaining my strength enough to finally say, “Stop Lying” and he did say, well, yes, things happened, but we should just accept it, and move on as friends.
But you know why I couldn’t? How could anyone so heartlessly pretend you hadn’t ever gotten close to someone like that? I maybe have been dumped by a narc before, but even he would not have gone so far as to lie that nothing had ever happened. At least he got out of it by saying, I am not long term relationship material. But this last narc, he went way too far. And it was actually made worse by when I told him to stop lying, he did back down a bit, so he KNEW he was trying to work it. There is just no hope for someone like that.
The only other good thing about it all is that I had learned enough to know that he didn’t back down for my sake, to not hurt me. He was only backing down as it actually was a sort of hoover, right HG? It actually was just one more future fake in disquise. “See, you are right, but now lets be friends.” And the moment I would have conceeded, it would have been something else. He didn’t back down for “us” but for him and him alone. His backing down alone was yet another lie cause he was not sorry one bit for what he did again to me.
My brother used to lie for no reason, too. But in the context of narcissism, I realize that there are reasons and it’s all about perception and wound management and control. The empath would say its no reason but from a narc perception, there are lots of reasons and all valid to them.
I didn’t bite. I said instead, you used me, end of story. A few more words were said, he picked a fight, and then he raged off and blocked me?
So the positive hoover failed of the fake friendship, so he resorted to blocking which was a negative hoover trigger for me? As I worked around the block and let him have it?
Lies are a favorite pastime to narcs and a way of life. Its so second nature that they will lie when they dont need to. Its an awful insiders joke to them. The ability to get one over on people but is nothing to be proud of. You cant build anything meaningful on lies only more lies and the foundation is crumbly. Eventually it all comes tumbling down and is seen for the dust it was.
I am at the sea. It is really hot outside. I love heat but it makes me sweat. Every now and then I go in the water. It is cool and fresh, it makes me clean and brand new. My skin tightens and I become beautiful. Then I get a bit cold. I need the heat now, so I get out. I inhale the sun, greedily. Twenty minutes later, I have to get inside the water again. Repeat.(This is my way to try and understand why hoovering is never boring for them. And the lies that go with it).
I keep your words in my mind, even when I am relaxing. They are incredibly helpful and now they are really starting to work. As you write in your other post, our relationship with you is symbiotic. Congratulations for the 5 m. 🙂
I started to take power back when I had my last conversations with him and was strong enough to say, “Stop lying”! What I found is that while it did not change his behaviors or affect anything, really, it did make him back down a bit. He lied that anything intimate, sexual, emotional and close had ever happened to us as a way to control the narrative and undermine me, devalue that I was not even anyone to remember but what he had made up in his little head. I had been regaining my strength enough to finally say, “Stop Lying” and he did say, well, yes, things happened, but we should just accept it, and move on as friends.
But you know why I couldn’t? How could anyone so heartlessly pretend you hadn’t ever gotten close to someone like that? I maybe have been dumped by a narc before, but even he would not have gone so far as to lie that nothing had ever happened. At least he got out of it by saying, I am not long term relationship material. But this last narc, he went way too far. And it was actually made worse by when I told him to stop lying, he did back down a bit, so he KNEW he was trying to work it. There is just no hope for someone like that.
The only other good thing about it all is that I had learned enough to know that he didn’t back down for my sake, to not hurt me. He was only backing down as it actually was a sort of hoover, right HG? It actually was just one more future fake in disquise. “See, you are right, but now lets be friends.” And the moment I would have conceeded, it would have been something else. He didn’t back down for “us” but for him and him alone. His backing down alone was yet another lie cause he was not sorry one bit for what he did again to me.
My brother used to lie for no reason, too. But in the context of narcissism, I realize that there are reasons and it’s all about perception and wound management and control. The empath would say its no reason but from a narc perception, there are lots of reasons and all valid to them.
Correct.
I didn’t bite. I said instead, you used me, end of story. A few more words were said, he picked a fight, and then he raged off and blocked me?
So the positive hoover failed of the fake friendship, so he resorted to blocking which was a negative hoover trigger for me? As I worked around the block and let him have it?
Lies are a favorite pastime to narcs and a way of life. Its so second nature that they will lie when they dont need to. Its an awful insiders joke to them. The ability to get one over on people but is nothing to be proud of. You cant build anything meaningful on lies only more lies and the foundation is crumbly. Eventually it all comes tumbling down and is seen for the dust it was.
Another million in only 49 days!!! Congratulations on your 5 million hits, HG!
*Launching fireworks to celebrate this milestone*
Thank you.
I am at the sea. It is really hot outside. I love heat but it makes me sweat. Every now and then I go in the water. It is cool and fresh, it makes me clean and brand new. My skin tightens and I become beautiful. Then I get a bit cold. I need the heat now, so I get out. I inhale the sun, greedily. Twenty minutes later, I have to get inside the water again. Repeat.(This is my way to try and understand why hoovering is never boring for them. And the lies that go with it).
You have identified why we always aim to create contrast.
I keep your words in my mind, even when I am relaxing. They are incredibly helpful and now they are really starting to work. As you write in your other post, our relationship with you is symbiotic. Congratulations for the 5 m. 🙂
Thank you M.