Little Acons – No. 17

WHO WILL EVERWANT YOU?

51 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 17

  1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

    Dexter “Dark Passenger”

  2. foolme1time says:

    HG have you talked to your Doctors about the abuse you have suffered or is this something you do not feel comfortable enough to talk to them about in length? I don’t feel pity for you! I feel anger towards your Mother and compassion for a very dear little boy who could not get the help and protection from the one person who should of stood up and protected you with her life! Xxx

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes, they repeatedly want me to talk about it, it annoys me.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Does it help somewhat to talk though given you have a few books in process on those painful subjects?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I would not describe it as helpful so far.

  3. AH OH says:

    When I left my 1st husband, the wife of our orator asked me this. I was nearly 35 yrs with three young children ages 4yrs, 2yrs and 6 months. I was in the middle of what they diagnose as postpartum depression. I looked at her and said “I WANT ME!” From that moment on I battled the monster within and here I am today. Mother Fuckers!
    BTW I heard years later that she is also divorced from her husband.

    1. AH OH says:

      typo.
      partner not orator

  4. Flickatina says:

    I generally don’t let much of what I read on here affect me – much of it does not apply as I have only really had a minor tangle (childhood aside) – but fuck – this one really hurts. It’s basically what my mother’s “boyfriend” would tell me whilst trying to persuade me to have sex with him.

  5. 12345 says:

    What is an acon, HG? All I can find is that it stands for the Atlantic Coast Observer Network. I have a feeling that’s not it.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Adult Child of Narcissist.

      1. 12345 says:

        How embarrassing 🤦🏼‍♀️ So obvious now.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          ‘Twas ever thus with hindsight.

  6. 12345 says:

    I never got this one but I got a version of it. My mid-range mother would get furious at my sister and me and say “why don’t you ever tell me I’m pretty!!!!!” “You’re lucky you get to know how it feels to have men want you!!!” “I never did!!!!” Last I checked it’s not a child’s responsibility to affirm their mother is pretty. Cue the violins.

    1. sues423 says:

      12345,
      I can relate to what you are saying… my mother was sooo jealous of me for so long. I remember when I was in high school and I had about 10 extra pounds on me that I wanted to lose so I went on a diet… She was furious…that is when I realized, “wow my own mother doesn’t want me to look good, she’s jealous!” it is so absurd… She would fawn all over my older sister, buying her clothes etc. with me, she told me when I was 14 that I had to get a job and buy my own clothes, which I did by the way. In New Jersey you could work in the summer when you were 14. It is really hard writing this and thinking about it because I am getting pissed off LOL.

  7. abrokenwing says:

    I grew up believing no one would ever want me.
    I was seventeen when my girlfriends forced me to go out once and i have met my future husband.

    Handsome, well mannered, from a good family. He could have any girl and I didn’t understand why he choose me. At the time I thought he was the best thing happened to me.

    20 years later I finally found the courage and decided I’d rather be alone.
    I asked him then why he treated me the way he did all these years , why was it always about him , why he never did anything for me , why I didn’t deserved a one good word from him , why he would only criticize me and put me down all the time making me feel worthless and blame me for everything.

    He said -‘ Because if you would know your worth you would leave me’.

    1. sues423 says:

      I am sorry ABW 🙁

  8. Sues423 says:

    Wow, does that hit home.. the picture and the phrase are extremely impactful. They bring me right back to that time.. so sad.

    1. Indy says:

      HG,
      Your mother and aunt, grrrrr. I’m sorry she did this to you. Truly evil. Is your aunt still alive? Does she have children or access to children? Has she done this to others?

      In the US, when someone does not stop sexual abuse on a child and turns a blind eye, I think they can still be brought up on some sort of charge. Your aunt, if she is alive, could be charged for sure (in the US) as there is no limit in years since the crime. I know it’s hard to prove unless she also did this to others. Is there a year limit on child sex abuse in the U.K.?

  9. Marci says:

    B-I-N-G-O ! Text book
    Phrase by 2 of my narcissists !
    ✌🏽

  10. superxena says:

    Helo Hg?..perhaps this question doesn’t really fit here but:
    Have you ever told one of your IPPS or a friend ,or family,your brother,sister or someone in your “inner circle” that you have been abused as a child?
    And if so:what was the reaction when you told about it?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No.

      1. Lou says:

        Funny, I wanted to ask you the same question as Superxena this morning.
        What do you think would be Matrinarc’s reaction if you told her about your aunt’s abuse?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          She knew about it and look the other way.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            That is a soul-crushing, devastating betrayal. As you know, my ex-husband had the same situation happen. It seemed easier for him to forgive his aunt when he was an adult (she was a teenager at the time the abuse took place) but struggled so much more with his mom not wanting to deal with it and shake up the family with something so unpleasant.
            Do you harbor as much venom though towards your aunt along with MatriNarc?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            No, but in the scheme of things it will not really make a difference.

      2. Lou says:

        BITCH!

      3. Lou says:

        😱

      4. Lou says:

        I do not know what is worse, the sexual abuse itself or a mother who knows about it and looks the other way.
        I don’t know if this is the first time you write about this (Matrinarc knowing about it and ignoring it) but I think that big part of the creature has to do with this abuse (endless rage and horror). You taliking about it seems to me like you are looking at the creature more in the eyes. I may be wrong though.

      5. sues423 says:

        Oh Geeze… what is wrong with a mother who does that? I had a really great friend (she recently passed away) who’s father sexually abused her from a child to the age of 16. She tried to tell her mother and the mother took the side of the father. Shamed her repeatedly by calling her a liar. It is a horrendous crime that changes the nature of a person. It’s no wonder you feel the way you do about your Mom. I’m so sorry.

      6. Narc affair says:

        So sorry this happened to you HG 🙁 it happened to me as well. A friend of the familys teen sexually abused me while babysitting. I told my parents but they brushed it under the rug. For years i blacked it out and it wasnt until my 30s it resurfaced. For it to be a family member would be even worse im sure. I cant imagine a parent being able to turn a blind eye to that. Its disgusting. Id want to kill the abuser who touched my child. I can see where your hate stems from of your mother.

      7. E. B. says:

        Matrinarc is a monster, HG. Maybe The Creature is her own projection.

      8. superxena says:

        Thank you for your answer HG. Hoping you do not find this question intrusive: why haven’t you told any of your IPPS ,or any of your closest inner circle friends that you were abused as a child?
        And: Do your brother and sister know about that?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They do not need to know. I don’t seek pity.

          Do they know about what happened or do they know that I have not told IPPSs?

          1. superxena says:

            I understand..but perhaps it is not for seeking pity but most for seeking understanding…
            I meant if your brother and sister know that you were abused.

          2. E. B. says:

            There is a difference between pity and compassion. I do not think they would see you as a *helpless victim* (this would be pity) if you told them what happened to you.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Fair point.

          4. sues423 says:

            Would you be concerned that they might use it against you ?

          5. HG Tudor says:

            I’m not unduly concerned by that.

          6. sues423 says:

            I’m sorry, I don’t think I asked the question the way my mind was thinking.
            Is not sharing your abuse with your IPPS partly due to the fact that they might use it against you at a later time.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            Yes and also because it is none of their business.

      9. Katherine says:

        About “no pity” – Which of course is part of you PD, the fear of being seen a weak or a victim of someone.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Not fear, hatred. But essentially correct.

      10. Lou says:

        HG, did you also black your aunt’s abuse out and remembered it later or have you always remembered it?
        I hope my question is not too intrusive. Please ignore it if it is.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Remembered it later.

    2. sues423 says:

      Very good /interesting question superxena.

      1. superxena says:

        Thank you sues423!

  11. Narc affair says:

    One of the biggest lies the narc tells us and deep down they feel that way about themselves. Narc parents are the ones who program this into their childrens minds.

    1. Nat says:

      “I’m not surprised all of your ex left you, who would want to be with you anyway!”
      “Maybe you’ll find someone who will finally want you.”

      So this is where all these hurtful words come from…

    2. She looked the other way? Yes, that is unforgivable.

    3. E. B. says:

      Narc affair,
      Like you, I think it is projection.

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