The Love Triangle



Triangulation is a devastating weapon in our arsenal. Whether we are triangulating you as our primary source with another potential love interest (real or imagined), you with family and friends in terms of loyalties and spending time together or even triangulating you with an object (our mobile ‘phone or our flash new car) you will always be triangulated when you entangle with our kind. Triangulation comes in many guises but has two broad categories. Firstly, there is the triangulation which is taking place but you do not even witness it. This is where we may be conducting an affair behind your back and you have no knowledge of it at all. This is still triangulation because we are involving three people in our intimate relationship but you do not witness it and the third party may not know about you either. The second category is where you witness the behaviour. For instance, we spend more time jabbing our mobile ‘phone and talking on it than spending time with you. We may make mention of a particular person (usually of the opposite sex) a lot of the time. We may even tell you that we have been carrying on with someone else because you do not show us enough admiration and appreciation. In such instances, you witness the triangulating behaviour but often you will not actually realise that it is taking place. This is hiding in plain sight. You dismiss it by trying to convince yourself that there is nothing to be concerned about or we may assuage your fears through our usual charm and persuasion. One thing that you can be assured of however is that you will be triangulated during your entanglement with us and it will not just happen the once.

This reliance on triangulation as part of our manipulations is because it is so effective at achieving many things for us. What then, does triangulation achieve?

–         It is often easy to implement, e.g. making mention of someone, spending our time playing video games, meeting someone frequently, perking up when a certain person calls round or telephones;

–         We gain fuel from two sources out of the same circumstances;

–         It underlines our notion of omnipotence since we are able to orchestrate the actions of two people so they compete with one another over us, we are the puppet master jerking the strings of two love rivals;

–          It creates uncertainty in one or more of the parties which makes it easier for us to exert control and harder for the party or parties to see clearly;

–         It causes the participants to focus on defeating one another in order to win us as the prize and thus they do not realise that we are really the problem;

–         It allows a discarded primary source to be smeared with ease;

–         It assists the maintenance of our façade.

Accordingly, the act of triangulation serves many purposes which accord with our malevolent agenda.

Why then is it so effective? Again, there are several reasons behind this.

–         The addictive quality of our seduction and the golden period is so powerful that it is truly regarded as a prize worth winning;

–         The fear of losing someone so (apparently) wonderful, loving and magnificent is too great to bear;

–         The fear that someone else might actually succeed with the relationship when you are trying to reach that point. You do not want someone to reap the reward of your hard work and instead you want to win the day, continue to deal with the hardships in order to restore the golden period;

–         You feel that you know us far better than the other person;

–         You feel that it is your right. You have given everything to the relationship and therefore it is only just and fair that you get to have the relationship. You may have borne our children, helped us through difficulties, lent us money, housed us, dealt with problems for us and you are damned if some Jane-Come-Lately is going to profit from all your hard work.

These are all valid factors as to why the act of triangulation is so powerful and an effective. Yet, let me provide you with another reason, one which is possibly just as powerful as the addictive quality of the golden period. That reason is conditioning.

You are conditioned to think that love triangles are not only fairly common and something that is part of life, but you have been conditioned to think that they are actually rather wonderful and special. This may seem somewhat perverted thinking when you consider the agony and anxiety you experienced or you are experiencing when you are being triangulated, especially with a love rival, but it is a fact. Why is the love triangle scenario seen as something wonderful?

–         It gives you the opportunity to prove you love us better and deeper than anybody else and with that comes a powerful sense of self and validation;

–         It accords with your belief in the maxim that love can conquer all. You are a love devotee and therefore you believe in and want to see love triumph. When your love sees off a rival, that is the power of true love.

–         The love rival is the enemy. This just isn’t you against her in order to win our hearts, it is light versus darkness, good against evil, love versus lust. You are a representative of the powers of light and goodness and you will overcome your dark nemesis. Of course, what you do not realise at the time is that the person you are fighting over is actually your nemesis and we are not going to remove that notion from you.

–         It is actually pretty damn hot and exciting. Your senses are alive, you are going to keep our heart/win it back, the tug-of-love although worrying at times also provides you with high-octane excitement, the rush of adrenaline when you score a victory, the elation at seeing us choose to spend time with you and not the other person. This back and forth, push and pull, is regarded as thrilling.

Why then are you conditioned to think and feel in the ways that I have described? Simple. You are surrounded by love triangles. They are throughout history, they are in film, in literature, you see them in the celebrity gossip sections of newspapers, they are commented on in internet forums, they feature on the news, you watch them unfold in soap operas on television and you bought the t-shirt supporting Team Jacob or Team Edward. Or was it Peeta or Gale? You cannot get through the day without seeing or hearing about some kind of love triangle and it is always portrayed in a salacious, exciting, mesmerising and romantic way. Who will triumph? How noble to fight over one person’s heart? However much you may not want to admit it, you know that the concept of a love triangle is alluring and fascinating. You do not often hear somebody declare,

“All three people need to take a long look at themselves, stay away from another and evaluate what is really going on before they continue to hurt themselves and others.”

Of course you don’t. Where is the excitement in that?

You have been fed a daily diet of triangulation throughout your life so you actually regard it as something to be expected and something that excites. In order to prove this point, I have compiled, off the top of my head, as many love triangles as I could think of in literature, film and real-life in just five minutes. Consider the following: –



Twelfth Night, Dr Zhivago, Dangerous Liaisons, Tale of Two Cities, Lolita, The Great Gatsby, Atonement, The Talented Mr Ripley, Don Quixote, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Age of Innocence, The Phantom of the Opera, The Twilight Saga, The Hunger Games Trilogy, Harry Potter and my favourite Wuthering Heights




Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, His Girl Friday, The Graduate, Oklahoma! Damage, Titanic, Bridget Jones, Closer, Vanilla Sky, Sabrina, Grifters, She’s The Man (Twelfth Night), Indecent Proposal, Being John Malkovich, Fight Club (imagine being triangulated by an imaginary person created by yourself!)


Real Life


Cleopatra, Mark Antony and Julius Caesar (which actually went further as Mark Antony had two wives already)

Helen of Sparta, Menelaus and Paris of Troy 

Meg Ryan, Dennis Quaid and Russell Crowe

Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky

Liz Taylor, Richard Burton and Eddie Fisher (Taylor and Burton met whilst filming Cleopatra – triangles within triangles!)

Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison and Rubert Sanders (not only did Sanders also have a wife and kids but Stewart seemingly though her fictional triangulation was not enough and wanted a real-life version too!)

I would be interested to know if you think that any of our kind exist in those love triangles and who it is.

I am sure you can think of many others and please do make those suggestions. This is what I came up with in a short time and it does not end there. You are triangulated by products and advertisers – are you an Xbox player or PlayStation, red or brown sauce on your bacon sandwich, Pepsi or Coca-Cola – on it goes. With such a backdrop of triangulation across society, thrust in your face every day you are consequently conditioned in the way that I have described. You have no chance but to be affected in this way. Accordingly, when our kind comes along, the master practitioners of triangulation, you do not stand a chance.

15 thoughts on “The Love Triangle

  1. Jess says:

    Had to laugh at Fight Club hahahaha so true!

    Also Moulin Rouge and Cruel Intentions.

    I never thought about Triangulation with an object, that is what I have experienced. Triangulation with his God damn phone he was always on! I felt Facebook was the other woman, an endless amount of potential replacement primary sources he was trying (but failing) to get. I felt I was always trying to compete with everyone and noone. So many times I wanted to hurl that phone at the wall hahaha

  2. P says:

    James Woods is one, for sure.

  3. Maia says:

    HG – is it the narc in you that repeatedly states how the long list of examples was thought up in no time at all…. not wanting to give the impression you gave it much thought or more than a few minutes of your valuable time. Afterall you are such a brilliant man, these things come so easily.

  4. Maia says:

    Strangely enough he continued to try to triangulate me even after we broke up, but were still “friends” I use the word lightly. He would tell me he’d been writing to someone or been to a concert with them… “but don’t worry, she’s not looking for a relationship with anyone”. Why would I be worried, I would say to him, you can see whoever you like, we’re only friends. I never rose to his pathetic taunts. I knew he was looking for a reaction, hoping I’d feel threatened by this new woman.

  5. Hope says:

    My Mid-Range triangulated me with a puppy. Yes, a puppy. We’d both recently gotten puppies. (His from an expensive breeder, mine from the local rescue shelter.) At his request, I brought my puppy over to his condo to play with his – and after I got there – he said his purebred puppy was too good to play with my “dirty shelter puppy”.

    This was the most ridiculous thing he ever said or did to me. And, I never understood the “why” until I learned about triangulation from you. smh

  6. Karma says:

    First the wife and I (at one point he even mentioned that he’d love if she found out via snooping around in his phone).. then she became the ex and I was the primary source… she in a frenzy since she were never told about me until the day he moved out from her and in with me!!!!
    Years of me being the ultimate fuel so very quiet.
    Now two years after the crash he was using me by adding on social media, secret and covert contact (only via electronic devices) to keep me here as an option… but still I again in this horrible triangle.
    Thanks to two hours on the phone with HG these passed days I’ve been very busy, using prescribed techniques…. I just realized that I’m now in day 5 of NC and his not in my mind 24/7 but approximately 6h …. soon I’m convinced with the help of HG he will be out of my head forever.
    HG you are my savior and I’m truly blessed to have found this sanctuary to get a normal life back!!!
    No more triangulation for me…. I’m worth so much more!!!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  7. NarcAngel says:

    Charles, Camilla, and Diana
    Charles, Camilla, and the tampon.
    Phillip, Elizabeth, and the corgis

    Ok, not to pick on those randy Brits………the first example sold to me that I can remember (presently) are Betty, Veronica, and Archie.

  8. Violet says:

    I haven’t seen in your writings how it feels to a narcissist to be triangulated by the empath with another narcissist.
    In my case, I was with his best friend.
    Although if it was involving psychopathy maybe it would be no big deal.

  9. MsSevyn says:

    The original conditioning comes from an N parent pitting siblings against each other to gain or win the approval of a parent. This scenario feels familiar, because it’s a learned behavior.

  10. Kim says:

    Great article HG! I never considered how much triangulation is a staple in our culture!

    1. HG Tudor says:


  11. emotion detective says:

    The famous Royal Triangle: Princess Diana – Prince Charles – Camilla Bowles.
    I think prince Charles is a greater, as is his mother queen Elizabeth.
    I think they orchestrated Diana’s death. When the queen was told at first what happened, she blurted out: oh, the breaks, they did something to the breaks.
    Narcs always confess, don’t they..

  12. Yolo says:

    The mid would use anything and anyone to triangulate me. Lol, he wasn’t effective. Before, i knew it was triangulation I just figured he was doing it for attention so I would ignore him most of time thinking like a kid he would eventually stop. Restaurants were his favorite place waitress, waiters, greeters, and other patrons. Always handing out his business cards. It was funny a new box of them arrived and unfortunate accident happened to them in the kitchen. 😂😂😂” Call the printer, see if they can overnight them I have a big event” 😂😂😂 They are closed until Tuesday, Monday is a holiday. Lol.

    The lessor received grade A negative fuel and I would ignite fury in him.

  13. Yolo says:

    All except Meg Ryan…😊 Brad, Angelina, and Jennifer.

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