The Narcissistic Truths – No. 82

i-drag-you-to-hell

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261 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 82”

  1. Wow! AH OH you take yourself way way way too seriously…wasn’t the wooden ruler reference originally aimed as a dig at me for posting my comments? I didn’t think I was being victimised, seems it is just you, poor thing!

    Seeing as you’re putting so much effort in showing how ‘sexually liberated’ you are, how about liberating your sense of humour for a change?!?!

    Anyhow AH OH, at no point did I suggest you should be spanked with an imaginary long wooden ruler or even that you shouldn’t be on this blog – so why the overt ‘poor me’ routine and whats the swearing about? However, what I really did imply was, I’m not impressed by your Galapagos story and what I mostly didn’t like about it, was your use of casual racism i.e “He is cute for a latin”. Are you kidding me?!?!

    When I visited this blog to read about Narcissism, I didn’t expect to be subjected to details of your dodgy racist sexploits in the Galapagos – you asked “Why” and that’s it!

    You could try a little self-reflection before you start boasting advice in public, based on your racial grading of attractiveness!

    Also, bizarrely you told to Dr HQ “We had a moment of conversation between us”. I don’t know how to break this to you AH OH but this is a blog…not a private conversation channel between you and Dr HQ! Lots of other people will read what you write here, will have an opinion about what you write and some might even write about what you write, that’s actually how a blog works!

    Oops, I was just about to make a joke about “Listerine” and “Pine Sol” but you’d probably tell me to fuck off again! LOL!

  2. Hmmm.. about HG. I find his intelligence and humour sexy as hell. I have no doubt he is attractive. I don’t think he would be able to do what he does as effectively if he wasn’t. I wonder sometimes if I would be attracted to him in person. But truthfully he kind of scares me too. I am pretty sure if he knew me personally that he would crush me on multiple levels lol.Sometimes when I read his blogs I alternate between completely crushing on him and hating his guts for triggering certain emotions.( and for the things he has done)Yet I always have respect for what he does and the knowledge he provides us.

  3. NarcAngel

    It was in reference to AH OH’s story in this thread about a visit to the Galapagos Islands.

  4. By the way NarcAngel, the long wooden ruler is to spank anyone else who writes about the Galapagos Islands on this blog – how’s that for smutty.

    1. connie

      Perhaps you should visit the Galapagos Island. Careful with the wooden ruler, it could end up where the sun does not shine.

      In the end it is the owner of the blog who decides what gets posted so I suggest you take it up with him.

      In other words Fuck off.

      1. Ah oh,

        Damn girl! You’re a fiesty one lol! πŸ™‚

      2. Oh Dr.HQ I guess I can be. We had a moment of conversation between us and it seems I was singled out. Now why is this?
        Again I have to say, you are much to young to be on hold sexually. I have no issues or judgements with 1 nighters or a weekend romp. I believe that sex can be the fountain of youth. I have gone as long as you have but I was not 30.

      3. Ah Oh,

        I agree that sex can be the fountain of youth!

        I don’t necessarily want to be on hold sexually. I would love to find someone that got that dopamine going but I’m constantly disappointed with the peasants I come across.

        I have never had a one night stand. I definitely don’t knock other people who do it – I would freak out. I always wondered what that would be like…

        If you can find me someone who is intelligent and sexually appealing please send him my way cause I would love for my sexuality to be woken up again lol!

      4. Wow! AH OH you take yourself way way way too seriously…wasn’t the wooden ruler reference originally aimed as a dig at me for posting my comments? I didn’t think I was being victimised, seems it is just you, poor thing!

        Seeing as you’re putting so much effort in showing how ‘sexually liberated’ you are, how about liberating your sense of humour for a change?!?!

        Anyhow AH OH, at no point did I suggest you should be spanked with an imaginary long wooden ruler or even that you shouldn’t be on this blog – so why the overt ‘poor me’ routine and whats the swearing about? However, what I really did imply was, I’m not impressed by your Galapagos story and what I mostly didn’t like about it, was your use of casual racism i.e “He is cute for a latin”. Are you kidding me?!?!

        When I visited this blog to read about Narcissism, I didn’t expect to be subjected to details of your dodgy racist sexploits in the Galapagos – you asked “Why” and that’s it!

        You could try a little self-reflection before you start boasting advice in public, based on your racial grading of attractiveness!

        Also, bizarrely you told to Dr HQ “We had a moment of conversation between us”. I don’t know how to break this to you AH OH but this is a blog…not a private conversation channel between you and Dr HQ! Lots of other people will read what you write here, will have an opinion about what you write and some might even write about what you write, that’s actually how a blog works!

        Oops, I was just about to make a joke about “Listerine” and “Pine Sol” but you’d probably tell me to fuck off again! LOL!

      5. Connie the CU Next Tuesday. You are nothing to me except a leftist using the racist card.

  5. LMAO! I was only commenting on what I read ladies. I wasn’t making a value judgement, none of you know how much I like smut. I get it, some of you want to explore your inner ‘shades of grey’ but as this is a website and blog to discus narcs, I thought it was ironic how self-centred some of the discussion was, that’s all.

    1. Connie,

      By the way that’s a great word….smut

      I forgot all about it until now!

      1. it is a fungal disease. or soot/dirt

        the urban dictionary is of the definition of sexual content.

        consensual healthy sex is not dirty

        but rape, incest, molestation and the like is diseased.

        Smut, IMHO, is a very negative word.

  6. Mmmmm yaaaaa. Sadly I spend more time with HG than I have with any man in real life….sigh. That really can’t be good…He sets some pretty high standards for those poor average men out there 😜

  7. I was taken care of while I was in the Galapagos by the Marine Biologist who was our guide. He is cute for a latin, not really my type for looks (dark hair and eyes) but his knowledge of all what is the Galapagos Islands turned me on. I told him to come to my cabin and he did. I took and did not give and thanked him afterwards.

    I have no issues with my approach to sex.

    1. Ah Oh,

      “I took and did not give and thanked him afterwards.”

      That line amused me.

      1. Well Dr. I was clearly amused myself.

        I had a conversation with him the next morning as we spent 8 days together on the vessel along with 14 other guest and crew.
        I told him I could tell he is an excellent lover and I am also but for me I need to have more of an emotional connection. I stated again “I needed that, thank you” His reply was ‘you are so nice, you are like silk” So not only did he physically please me, he stroked the ego too.
        Did I mention he is married? He also owns a bed and breakfast on one of the Galapagos Islands.

      2. Dr. H Q.

        You can see what I look like on my word press profile and wonder no more. I am old enough to be your mother. I actually think I am one with most time on earth on the blog. Not something I like, but I guess it beats the alternative.

      3. Ah Oh
        I doubt you beat me out. I’ll be 60 this year. I could be the grandmother of some of us!

      4. You are a few months ahead of me. Did you ever stop to think of this number? I did not think I would make it past 30. My mother died at 67.

      5. AhOh
        60 doesn’t bother me. I’m just happy to have made it to retirement! The only birthday that bothered me was 20. It nearly killed me to not be a teenager anymore.

        My mother lived to be 88 (although the last 10 yrs she had Alzheimer’s) and her mother made it to 89. My father suicided at 72 and his mother died in her 60’s, but that was from abuse from my narc grandfather. He wouldn’t let her see a doctor or pay for any medicines. I’m glad I never met him.

        I’ve never taken care of myself hoping I’d die early. Figure at the most I’ve got 10 more years. I would like to hang in there long enough for my grandkids to be able to remember their crazy grand-maman, but not so long I run out of money!

      6. I have always taken care of myself. I do not smoke nor do I drink often. I do eat sweets. I eat blueberries by the pint while they are in season. I exercise 4 days week, sometimes 5. I am taking a break while I am in the mountains of Colorado. I have my doctor on speed dial for my botox and fillers. Most think I am in my late 40’s but I have always looked much younger than my chronological years. I was nearly 16 when I had my 1st period. I looked like a little boy. Flat chested and all.

      7. January 1958 but I believe there was a typo on the birth certificate and it should be 1968

      8. I bet your mother does not look so young. Someone that horrid does not age well.

      9. She raised you and abused you along with her sister so I think she must be ugly to the core. Mentally unstable and thinks incest is OK. That alone makes her shit in my book.

      10. Yes I understand. If someone’s sole purpose is their own pleasures, they look pretty Damn good. No stress, no worries, no pain.

      11. Ah Oh,

        I can’t see your picture? Booo! I wanted to put a name with a face lol!
        If you don’t mind me asking…How old are you? Also…what do you do for a living? I ask because you seem fun and interesting. πŸ™‚

      12. Windstorm,

        You are freakin awesome. You have wisdom and are young at heart :)!

    2. Ah Oh,

      I am in awe. Not sure if I would ever have the balls to try that, but the approach is very empowering. I tend to get attached to guys I have sex with (or already am beforehand). It might be easier to just have a no-strings roll in the hay with someone in another country though, especially being the initiator.

      Were things awkward at all afterwards? Or was your tour finished before this happened?

      1. Mary,
        No, we still had a few more days on the catamaran. I was myself and he was also. I am sure he has played with other guest in his many years this line of work.

        Yes, playing with someone from out of town/ while out of town is always fun.
        In my younger years, I liked to have my BF’s living out of state. Not under your feet 24/7 and the anticipation of seeing them made the encounter all the more intense.

        Hope the answer was clarifying.

      1. yes, I agree. He will be my guide again next year when we return to see the other side of the islands.

      1. lol, yes he heard me. I will most likely see him again next summer when we return to tour the other islands.

    1. Star,

      Thank you! Your comment made me smile. It warmed my frost bitten soul! πŸ™‚

      You are very sweet!

      1. Emotion detective,

        LOL! A nun?

        I’m a Jew (but really atheist)… I think that is what makes it funnier to me lol.

      1. HG
        In all seriousness can we perhaps use this as a learning exercise? Most often it is helpful to see things from another viewpoint. In this case I deem yours important. What were your observations of the discussion that Connies comment brought to light?

      2. Narc Angel, how are you dear? You know my thoughts on mother superior.
        Miss your humor and boom, here you are!
        xx

      1. Hg, did you really say that? Can you tell if I’m a narc? Responding on yolos comment to Connie.

  8. I keep attempting to make this gravatar thing cooperate lol – Clarece hopefully on a few hours you will see my picture next to my new account lol!

    1. Well…I have a feeling HG is pretty damn attractive.

      He’s the kind of guy who can talk that shit because he can back it up.

      I’d bet a large amount of money that he is a good looking guy.

    2. Oh…whatever…lol – I was only managed to get the picture to show when you scroll over my name. This blows lol.

    3. Dr. H…beautiful pic! You could easily be a model. Its interesting putting a face to a name πŸ™‚

      1. MLA -Clarece

        Not as lovely as you! lol!

        hugs from afar πŸ™‚

  9. Clarece; I completely think the same way about HG throwing us off track with what he looks like to protect his identity. It makes perfect sense. Personally for some reason I always picture him having dark hair and eyes… lol but maybe that’s wishful thinkingπŸ˜‡

    1. Hi Star! He’s always been consistent for as long as people on here have asked that he’s blonde and blue eyed so I’m kind of like Stronger Wendy if it turned out to not be the case or he wasn’t attractive as he has maintained, I would be disappointed that he didn’t tell the truth which he says he always does here.

      1. I remember reading he gets his dome shined every morning at 6 am by one of his minions. Which dome is open to interpretation.

    2. I think I know what HG looks like. It is possible perhaps that there may be a hidden photo in plain view of him on this website but cannot divulge any more.

      You’re welcome.

      1. Oooo Sniglet, you little minx. Look at you causing a flurry of excitement!
        Mr. Tudor has said he’s merged his own pic in some of the article pics. And his hands are there too. Not sure what other body parts 😁

      2. Clearance – No. I was referring to another photo or two. Take a guess which ones. More to the middle of the website.

        Love – Did he say so? I did not know that, but there are clues and he looks like he says he looks. It appears that he has short blond hair, the bluest eyes one has ever seen almost violet, is tall, has a proportionate face and body. And he uses hair gel on his slightly undulated hair. The forehead is wide which depicts intelligence, and a couple of freckles which he hides well with his designer sunglasses.

        Anyway, there are a lot of empathic women in heat over HG Tudor on this blog. His poor empathic g/f has a lot of competition. Hmm.

      3. Sniglet, now I’m very curious. Can you please send a link or name the article with this pic?
        I want to print the pic – poster size and tape it to my wall so I can look at it everyday.
        ❀❀❀😍❀❀❀

      4. Yes please Sniglet. I don’t see a picture the way you described except maybe for the male from HG’s Out of the Box radio interview. He said that picture was not of him.

      5. It’s past your bedtime…
        The picture with the guy in sunglasses is not Christine though. It was just her interview with you.

      6. There is a pic that appears if you hover over HGs avatar under recent comments. It’s a man and a woman. Her back is to us in the pic, she is standing very close to a man who is sitting on a bed with his arms around her. No way in hell to tell what that pic means though… πŸ™‚

  10. NarcAngel,

    I always enjoy your posts. I appreciate your insight, empathy, non-judgmental nature, and feisty attitude. I think a piece of my own narcissism comes into play here because your brand of sexuality reminds me of my own – or that piece of mine I have lost because no one can seem to wake up the regions down below (I would use more graphic language but I realize not everyone is as sexually explicit as I am) LOL.

  11. NarcAngel,

    Its rough these days…I can’t even find anyone I’m remotely sexually attracted to. I feel almost asexual. I used to be a very sexually driven person. I lived for the next infatuation because it like gets you high but its all-consuming.

    I can barely flirt with people that is how underwhelmed and bored I am. It’s funny because if you knew me in real life – knew how I was years ago and compared it to now you would be like wow wtf….

    My sexuality is very much in your face. When I want someone there is no misunderstanding what I want and I have absolutely no patience to wait around. I take things upon myself to get shit rolling.

    1. Hello Dr. Q! Ditto for me that I’ve completely stopped looking because of boredom and no one can seem to hold a reasonable conversation. It is a bleak landscape where I’m at and no one to flirt with. Thus there’s been no entry to the Echo Chamber for quite some time now. And I don’t even care anymore… sadly.

      1. Clarece…Oh I feel you on that one. Girl – I’m on a year and a month of no sex – the longest it’s been for me since I was 16.

        I honestly can’t put myself through the bullshit – it’s so boring – I’d rather sit home alone than pretend to be interested in what these losers have to say.

        Moments like this I wish I were bisexual.

        At least I would have more options?

      2. Clarece – very pretty picture by the way. How come I can’t get my face on one of those square things lmao???? I’m so technologically dumb – sucha poor excuse for a millennial.

      3. Dr. H and mla..im feeling exactly how you describe my attraction radar is numb. I dont feel any spark looking at attractive men. I feel in my case its bc of being in such an electrically charged relationship where my highs were my highest and the devaluing really made me come crashing down. I can only equate it to being a child and believing in santa claus only to find out he doesnt exist. My excitement rug has been ripped out from under me and to ever feel that again im not sure will ever happen maybe its not meant to. Thats the whole point to narcissism its an illusion and sets the bar up high for any normal attraction to someone and thats the narcs ego high in knowing this. Normal is real but were used to unreal and have tasted that and now its hard to accept bland normal. My attraction radar is numb and bc of the illusion its made me feel ill never feel that again bc it wasnt real and its ruined me for anything else. Damn him!!! They take something sacred from us and we can never get that part of our personality back! They thieve peoples souls πŸ™

      4. NarcAffair,

        Although I feel dead inside…I want to hope that someone…can excite me.

        ::sigh::

      5. Amen to that. Typical conversation late go:

        Them: How was your day?

        Me: It was pretty good, blahblahdetail, other stuff they can grab onto and comment on. How was yours?

        Them: Good.

        What the actual f%&! ? (Are we allowed to swear on here?) What about lack of effort and a ton of apathy is supposed to make my panties drop?

      6. Hahahaha, yessss.
        I’ve had countless conversations like that too. It’s like I just threw you a bunch of lifelines in which to create an icebreaker. I always imagine if we were in a bar or game in public, would they just sit and stare at me and not speak? Lol
        One word caveman answers don’t impress me. It’s usually when I hit unmatch or delete on the spot.

    2. Dr. You are young to feel non-sexual. I am blown away right now. I was always on the hunt in my 20’s 30’s 40’s and so forth and so on. I have desires. Maybe you have not met anyone that you want to have sex with but you must still get that little ache in areas we need not say, a little tingle in your upper thighs.

      1. Ah Oh,

        I used to be extremely sexual. Now, not so much. Someone would really have to get my attention. It’s hard to catch my interest and maintain it.

        I do get the um ‘tingles’ down below here and there but I have a very high threshold for stimulation – mental, sexual…anything lol.

        I need something that is stimulating enough to wake me up.

      2. Where are the guys that can give me the tingles? Lmao

        I honestly would love to know…because I can assure you I wouldn’t let them go lol!

      3. I’m with you on that Dr HQ. I am the same these days. I meet lots of people, probobly some very decent ones. But then it’s like… ahhh this is taking a lot of effort. Or I see to many red flags or truthfully, just get scared and back off. I think I still have a lot of work to do on myself yet. I definitely am easily triggered still.But I think it’s mostly just a me thing, and I am looking for any excuse not to get emotionally or physically involved with someone:)

  12. You say you dont pursue what you are attracted to because you know how it ends, but you also now know it can end badly even when you choose familiar or comfortable. Are you sure you know how the story ends with the former or is that supposition on your part due to some limit you put on them or yourself? So the reluctance to casual sex is because you feel there has to be an emotional connection that has possibility of a future? If its not too personal-is this because you are looking for someone to parent with? Or more of a moral standard that you feel for yourself? Just curious.

    1. It’s strange and complicated – or it at least feels that way lol. I always pursue what I want to fuck but I don’t actually give in. So I tease what I want to fuck and hold onto them in some way. I take calculated risks. Sex to me in many ways is power. I don’t like giving up my power. I don’t like feeling powerless.

      Also if the sex is that good I become fixated and I’m not okay with sharing AND want it all the time. I’m also extremely possessive and the thought of sharing someone sexually when I don’t say it’s okay makes my wires cross.

      I’ve actually ended up in relationships because I had sex with someone that I deemed “safer” in my mind. I was like so into them they grew on me because we were friends. It’s like I used the relationship for sex and became attached.

      I also perceive my attention, sex, mind etc as something special and how special is something if a lot of people can just have it? It makes me feel devalued.

      1. I wasn’t so into them (all my ex bf but my recent ex) they all grew on me.

      2. DR HQ

        So in teasing but not giving in and trying to hold onto them, arent you really presenting yourself in a different manner than you really are at the outset? (Haha, who does that sound like?) and you say its not working out? Ok, I know its not all that simple and I do understand most people do not want and endless future of empty sex. Im just saying that not everyone you cross paths with who is sexually attractive to you is going to be future material but that doesnt mean you cant have the experience without seeing it as taking something away from yourself. That sounds like some kind of religious guilt. Are you telling me you would not sleep with George Clooney just for the experience if you had the chance, knowing full well it was a one off? I equate it with travel-nice place to visit but I wouldnt necessarily want to live there. Doesnt take away the great experience, scenery, and memories. And you PAY for travel lol. Now I have to address one more thing in your post:

        Quite right you that your attention, mind, and sex are special, and a lot of people (who said a lot btw?) cannot just have them and make you feel devalued. They are your gifts to share when and where you see fit, and when you offer them in honesty and on your terms you cannot be devalued. You give them-they are not taken.

      3. NarcAngel,

        I totally 100% see your perspective – I just become attached and it becomes an emotionally charged roller coaster ride – one that I don’t wish to deal with. I agree with all of your points cognitively speaking but I emotionally can’t handle things like that.

        I am myself when I am teasing them and when I don’t give in. I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I also tell them the deal – they know very well what they are getting or not getting lol.

      4. NarcAngel,

        George Clooney doesn’t do it for me lol. Jared Leto…..that’s tempting but I still wouldn’t. I’m sure I’d mess around a little but I mean I wouldn’t just let him have me – probably eventually if we were friends lmao – he can have anyone – but I have a lot of pride… he can’t justttt have me….

        They have to work for it….

      5. DR HQ

        Ok. Im all out. Guess youre fucked then. You know-figuratively, since your rigid hiring practices have not employed anyone to “work for it” in some time lol.

      6. NarcAngel,

        Yes, I’m fucked lol.

        Unless I come across someone who catches my attention…

    2. Maybe it’s as simple as – if I want it (sex) that bad and it ends up being that good I get attached and don’t want to share.

  13. AHOH
    Hmmm…good question. Theres no doubting HG is sexy as fuck and Ive never seen him, so that speaks to all else that he offers (including the element of danger for me). It also speaks to the issues of online dating. I have not even formed a picture in my head of what HG looks like and am sometimes surprised at what others find attractive, soooo……I’ll say as long as he doesnt have any jarringly offensive hygiene issues on display I’d be up for validating his other skills. I dont find Colin Firth particularly attractive but am drawn to the reserved (with fire underneath) characters he plays. I am drawn to Dermot Mulroneys lip flaw and the way almost sneers when he talks. Robert Deniro is not handsome but Id do him in a New York minute. Ok, i guess its more about attitude for me as long as you dont look like your a few chromosomes short or have hygiene issues.

    HG is perfect as offered even if hes just average in looks. But then Im not looking to him with an eye to any type of long term or romance.

    Is that the difference for some? That their attractiveness must be tied to their potential for something long term? I can tell you right now that my kitty doesnt care what his face looks like as long as the rest of the package can make her purr.

    1. NarcAngel,

      Well to be perfectly honest with you…

      What I am sexually attracted to I don’t end up getting serious with MOST of the time. Also…what I’m sexually attracted to I often don’t end up fucking. This is purely because I know how the story ends.

      I often end up in long-term relationships with people who I wasn’t initially attracted to but they grew on me.

      None of my boyfriends ever had that ‘swag’ that I’m sexually attracted to or mentally stimulated me in the way that I require. I end up going with someone familiar…someone I’m comfortable with. Clearly that hasn’t worked for me because they were crazy regardless of how comfortable I felt lol.

      The problem I have is I can’t/don’t engage in casual sex. I certainly don’t judge other people who can – I just can’t. If that was something I could learn how to do I would probably be a lot happier.

      1. Dr. HQ, this is me too. I feel like I would be so much happier if I could just enjoy sex without getting attached, but I don’t seem capable. Apparently, I can’t even do online sex with someone on a regular basis without getting attached. But the times I did that without feeling any connection, it felt empty and pointless, and my vibrator would have been better.

        I feel almost weak for not being able to be all “let’s just enjoy and not put a label on it” but when I try, it feels like I’m pretending to be someone else.

      2. Mary,

        I’m finding out we have a lot in common lol! I am very similar.

        Song for you cause you’re awesome πŸ™‚

        If only I could be a “cool girl” lmao…

      3. Dr HQ,

        Thank you for sharing this vid, had not seen it! I’m laughing so hard right now because that song was in my head when replying to you earlier. LOL It’s an addictive song. You are rather awesome yourself!

      4. Mary,

        That’s hilarious! Okay so I have to ask (because I’m dying to know) how old are you, are you in the US, and what do you do?

        πŸ™‚

      5. Dr. HQ,

        I’m in in North Carolina, am a legal assistant and 40 years old. (I actually have a BA in psych, but didn’t finish grad school for a counseling degree. That was a decade ago so any course credits have been lost.)

        What about you? Are you a psychotherapist or counselor? It seems like I saw mention of that in another post, but not sure if memory is accurate.

        It sucks that being into psychology, we are still drawn to narcs! They are such skilled pretenders.

      6. Mary,

        I am 30 and I’m from NY. I’m a school psychologist (a subfield in psychology – just like there is forensic psychology, clinical psychology etc.) and I work at a school for the emotionally disturbed. Also to clarify the PsyD is more clinically focused while a Ph.D more researched focused – both can do research and clinical work.

      7. Hi Dr.H…im the same way men ive been attracted to ive not always been initially and they grew on me. My ex narc i was very much attracted to physically he was 6 yrs younger and a rugby looking type with longer dark hair. As i got to know him over the span of 5 years i seen how reliant he was on his parents and his personality didnt appeal to me. That said i dont feel any bad feelings towards him i just dont feel attraction.
        My narc im with now i didnt feel an instant attraction. Hes good looking but not somatic like the ex. Over time hes really grown on me and ive felt so alive with him. The more i see the real him i see he has a very ugly side to his personality. He also enjoys trolling on political sites and shows me replies to his posts which i find it awkward responding to. I respect his choice in politics but its not my choice and trolling is so unattractive to me.
        I do think women are different than men in how attraction is formed. Almost every male narc abuse victim ive met was with a somatic female narc whereas many women have been with male narcs that arent anything much to look at but they were either successful in their career or extremely charming. It was more about personality than looks. Now give me al pacino and im a goner πŸ˜‚ that man gets sexier as he ages!

      8. Dr. HQ,

        How do you like working with emotionally disturbed students? And do you work with older kids or elementary level?

        I worked in a residential program for about a year, long time ago. For half of every week, I lived with adolescent boys and they were very challenging for me. I have a very mild demeanor, am usually the quiet mouse type in person unless I’m very comfortable with someone. (Quite a contrast, since on here I’m open, perhaps too open.) It wasn’t the best match per se, but I learned quite a bit. It could be challenging in a fun way at times, or be terrifying, and other times it was just sad. I may have been better at it in a non-residential setting. The work wasn’t therapy, it was more attention to daily progress.

      9. Mary,

        I love it! I work with ages 13-21. Never a dull moment….

        It’s the population I prefer. I prefer ODD, Conduct Disorder, Antisocial personality disorder, psychopathy etc.

        The population I work with is very psychiatric (mood disorders, schizophrenia, anxiety, depressive disorders etc).

        I also deal with Lower cognitive functioning individuals as well as those on the spectrum, ADHD, and learning disabilities.

        I have so much fun with them!

        They need a lot of love.

      10. Mary,

        Two of my favorite students are antisocial personalities and one of the two is psychopathic. I’m one of the only people they have ever trusted.

    2. “I dont find Colin Firth particularly attractive but am drawn to the reserved (with fire underneath) characters he plays.”

      “Fire underneath”, yes, that’s exactly it, NarcAngel!! Intellect, humour, passion, warmth, those are the attributes I’d fall for… a deep, soft, soothing voice… soulful eyes… I have given up hope of ever finding a man like that, perhaps they have only ever existed in our imagination.

      1. Matilda
        Yes, i find tension in a man sexy. Calm exterior with something in his eyes and mannerisms that say he is tightly wound and needs release. I want to release that beast-good or bad. They exist but theyre usually not available nor remain that way once released. I think its a temporary state of mind and not a way of being. I fear Mr Darcy is just a character. Sigh.

      2. NarcAngel,

        Sexually speaking – I like em with more edge. Either someone completely dirty looking and rough around the edges that doesn’t give a fuck or someone polished and is a boss…

        It’s hilarious – I’m sexually attracted to dominant men yet never end up banging them. How unfortunate… lol

        What’s even funnier – I like a guy that is more take charge but once someone tells me what to do I wanna punch them in the face lmao. I think it really is allllllll in the delivery lol πŸ˜‚

      3. NarcAngel,

        Looking back, I see that my narc and I were that to one another. He awoke feelings in me I had never known, it was a very passionate existence. We brought out the best and worst in one another, and I thought I had finally found The One and Only who I can see eye to eye with. I was willing to work on problems and meet him halfway. Of course, now I know, there is no Happy End with a narc.

        But once your fire has been lit, there is no going back, you cannot settle for anything mediocre or half-hearted. That’s both a blessing and a curse.

        Once Mr. Darcy got his release he was the man he was meant to be πŸ™‚ I adore Mr. Darcy, but I was hoping to find a Mr. Edward Rochester. Jane had the choice to marry a very handsome pastor who thought love would follow upon marriage -or- Mr. Rochester who was half blind and mutilated by a fire but loved her with fervour. I totally get why she chose Edward, anything else would have been madness!!

        Well, when they start to sell human-like robots, I’ll treat myself to the Rochester model, that’s for sure! πŸ˜€

    3. Really NarcAngel? Their face / facial expression is extremely important to me while “the rest of the package is making her purr”.

      Nothing to do with long term. I prefer some feeling of connection though.

    4. Lol, Narc Angel, mine will purr if he’s willing to use povidone-iodine on body, penis, and condom. Lmao..HG, it doesnt matter if you look like the lochness monster or Brad Pitt I know what you are so I am no match.

      1. HG,

        Don’t be so modest…

        I’m sure you are very pleasing to the eye…

      2. I am. I do not look like Mr Pitt though, as in physical resemblance, I am just as appealing.

  14. I would be considered Shallow Sally. Looks were/are important to me. I would have to enjoy the sensation of sight of a man and then see how it felt as I walked past them. I can be across a room and feel a physical reaction in my body for someone too. Looks are important to me.

    Now at this time in my life, intellect is key. Stimulate my mind in this fashion and it is game on. I still have to be attracted to a man physically but he can get a pass for not having perfect everything. Fat, hairy men, bad teeth, dirty hands or feet, or just sloppy, do not have a chance.

    I was in a business at a young age where I had men from all around the world constantly in contact. I looked at going to work as going to the buffet. I can truthfully say I have had contact with 100’s of thousands of them. 18 years of working at Caesars Palace in the casino. I was very popular and my game was always full with men and some waiting to get on my table.

    I never thought I was beautiful but I had something they liked. I must say I love to hear the stories that my old co-workers tell me of their observations of me. If a crap table was not busy, they would watch me interact.

    I have a classic look I am told. But my real gift was I was present and I talked with them. I never was the damsel in distress.

    So in summery, charm will not work. I can open my own doors. Flattery is boring. I know who I am and I see what I look like. But teach me something I do not know, talk to me about interesting topics. If you are smart but unattractive I will listen but if you are smart and average I might let you have me.

    1. Hi Ah-Oh!
      The saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder rings true for me. I have to find something physically appealing to me and that will set the tone for staying in the friend zone or seeking the next level. My girlfriends giggle about this but 2 now say they’ve adopted the same requirement as me which is he better have low, trimmed nails. Complete deal-breaker if there is any white length or unevenness. You want to go play at the end of my treasure trail, you better have neat, clean hands. Once in a while I’ve had someone charming pursue, but if I couldn’t picture myself waking up next to him, he can pursue until the cows come home, I’m not budging. And I’m not playing hard to get.

    2. Sapiosexual over here…BUT…the guy has to be successful and can’t be ugly.

      I’m a sucker for intelligence and charm – but there are different flavors of charm like there are different flavors of crazy.

      1. yes I can claim this title also. I like how it rolls off my tongue too. Sapiosexual.
        Also they must have financial success and responsibility. I am in a position that makes it hard for them to be on even footing with me in this arena. But if they have success, they can afford themselves.

  15. I hope you post this HG. I am curious how people will answer this.

    (You know my answer already. My massage therapist called it as we chatted. You also nailed it in our consults.)

    What if he was not as handsome as you might fantasize? Would you still want Mr. Tudor? Or looks would not play into how an Empath thinks.

    1. Hi ahoh…i know for me with mh narc even if i wasnt as attracted id still be as hooked bc he knows how to manipiuate by catering to my needs. He does the things that he knows hook me but also devalues. I know once i break the addiction of what im getting from him i can eventually walk away. Its what hes giving me. I think for women its not as much about physical attraction vs our needs being met and being charmed.
      In HG’s case if he turned out to be a frog covered in warts(which he isnt) hed still be attractive to women based on the charm, talent, sense of humor etc. Its the frog and prince syndrome. Women can see past the exterior and be attracted to personality, but men find it hard to do that. Thats why many male victims are with somatic female narcs. They use their looks and sexuality to lure men in. Men and women are wired so differently.

      1. yes we are wired differently. I have been called a gay man in a woman body. They insinuated I was very much a woman but thought like a man.

      2. Looks are extremely important to me, and also a beautiful face, though I am not looking for mainstream pretty, which is boring to me, it’s more about interesting, intelligent features, laugh lines, etc. – fortunately HG is not my type, for examle, or at least I never had a blue eyed, blond haired guy, who didn’t think himself too pretty to make enough effort, I also love freckles, and green eyes.
        There must be intelligent eyes, laugh, etc., and good features.
        But I could never be with a man with a dumb, rough or empty facial expression, no matter how pretty, and also not with a man who lets his body become untoned. I like a lean body, beautiful hands, sexy mouth, …

      1. ABW! oh girl! we are fighting to the death for this luscious bit of man. LOL

    2. Hi Ah-Oh,

      Beauty is only skin-deep. I’m not ugly, but far from perfect, so, I would not expect or demand perfection from someone else. He has to be well-groomed however, and clean as cleanliness is important to me.

      More generally, he has to have a *sense of hygiene*: I watch people cooking, for example, touching raw poultry or fish one moment and dunking their slimy fingers into a bowl of salt the next! ‘Are you for real?! You just contaminated the entire bowl!’ This would make me go berserk, hence, we wouldn’t be a good match! πŸ˜€

      And he has to be an empath, or at least a normal. I don’t want to deal with coldheartedness anymore. Physical attractiveness cannot compensate for lack of emotional warmth.

      1. The sentence of your last paragraph says it all. I agree actually.
        I am at the stage in my life where I would rather be in my own company than to settle.

        Agree with the “sense of hygiene”. I have my own OCD when it comes to this. Do not double dip. When I work with chicken, I like to wear gloves. I also clean the cutting board and counter with peroxide. I use vinegar and baking soda for cleaning many things. My sheets must be changed twice a week and I do not get into my bed without a shower first. I also like tea tree oil for my toes. Oh, I could go on and on with my little idiosyncracies. I do not wash my hands six times in a row or these types of issues or lock and unlock the door.

        I wash my hands before I eat and after I eat too.

      2. I like your daily hacks so as using vinegar. peroxide, and tea oil. I use the items daily along with baking soda, Mother Braggs vinegar, organic olive and other essential oils. They work miracles and are less toxic.

        We were raised to user bleach for dish washing and bathrooms my house smelled of bleach. Not good for the baby, so I still use but not as often. I laughed when I read you wash your hands before and after meals I thought that was normal. I am obsessed with hand washing. And keep alcohol and betadyne in car.😊 Imagine how much I invest in La Mer hand cream each year.😊😊😊

      3. Matilda

        After reading your comment on the chicken I laughed, I agree with you and believe me when I say I take that to an extreme of its own. In my restaurant I am a bitch, lol I do have my pet peeves.

      4. Matilda…lol youre like me with cleanliness. If he eats like a pig. Has food one his face or running down his hands ugghh i hate being picky this way but itsa quirk i find hard to get over. Also taking care of himself showering and shaving daily. Taking pride in what he eats and exercising are all very attractive. It shows they care and respect themselves and havent given up.

      5. I would not mind double dipping with my partner, but apart from that it’s yuk, indeed. πŸ˜€ I like your cleanliness regimen, Ah-Oh.

      6. “If he eats like a pig. Has food one his face or running down his hands ugghh…”

        That made me laugh out loud, Narc affair! I know a guy (kin, not immediate, thank goodness) who wears a slovenly trimmed moustache, which makes him look like a walrus. When he eats and drinks, food particles get stuck in his facial hair. YUK!! It disgusts me but I cannot look away, and I feel the *urge* to take a razor and shave him at the table! πŸ˜€

      7. In regards to ‘sense of hygiene’, yes I want a man that showers daily. Yet, I do not like the ones that are too obsessed with cleanliness and OCD. These are the ones that can’t fuck. They don’t want to devour you. They are not hungry. They have issues with your ‘fluids’ and even their own. They can never just let go and turn primal. They are too busy worrying about germs instead of fully being in the moment.

      1. Generally speaking looks matter. Clearly they aren’t the only thing but looks DO matter lol.

      2. I asked if you would really be disappointed if he was not as handsome as you have envisioned.
        I would not be disappointed as I appreciate HG for what he has accomplished on this blog and how he has helped with my minor issues without all the emotional BS. I have no worries as I would never be his IPPS nor IPSS so what do I care what he looks like. I can close my eyes and hear him talk and still be moved in a way that goes much deeper than a sexual physical attraction.

    3. Ah Oh
      I will answer your survey question, to give you more data.
      I have no interest in somatic or dangerous men, so I am not attracted to HG, based on what he has told us. What attracts me to a man is his intelligence, his confidence and his sense of humor. I’d actually rather him be less physically attractive because in my experience, the more physically attractive a narc is, the more superficial and short their relationships are. It’s just too easy for them to keep finding new women.

      1. HG has all three of your requirements. Intelligence, confidence, and humor. I disagree with only finding more with better looks. Unattractive finds unattractive and attractive finds attractive. 5 billion people out there and not all of us can be pleasing to the eyes.

      2. AhOh,
        Yes he has those three requirements, and I have much respect and admiration for him because of that. But he also is dangerous and somatic and those are automatic disqualifiers for anything other than a professional relationship for me.

        I believe your original question was would we be less attracted to HG if he weren’t as physically attractive. My answer is no. I would be more impressed and think higher of him for pulling off such a deception!

      3. right?! Can you imagine the biggest deception of all.
        I believe he is handsome enough but his look might not appeal to all. I happen to like the lighter look, eyes, hair.

    4. Ah Oh

      I found your question intriguing, and have taken some time in thinking about it.
      He is charming, intelligent, humorous and I find him fascinating in many ways. He carries a trait I am attracted to, to which I have already “seen”.
      I made the comment before I thought he was perfect just as he is, I meant it then and mean it today. Nothing has changed.

    5. Don’t you think he would be someone different to everyone of us, and charm us individually, dazzling us like a mirror, so we would not see any deficiencies, IF there were any?

      1. Ava101, not anymore since he has educated us on mirroring. My eyes would be like a two way mirror. I have a respect for HG. But I also have a dislike for HG. He is a very devious person out of need for his own sanity. He scares the hell out of me.

      2. Ava101

        Good point. He would be different with each of us in the golden period due to mirroring. Haha, hes probably pretty much the same prick during devaluation though. Thats when he really gets to be himself.

    6. Ok Ah Oh I will engage. The idea of HG is intriguing. If he was not as handsome as he states you must take into account his intelligence and sense of humor. Those are two boxes that have to be ticked in my book. I agree with others that sloppiness will not do. Cleanliness is a must and I do like someone who dresses appropriately. Now I do think looks are important. They are a bonus. If you are intimate with someone it’s nice to have someone who is nice to look at. If a person takes care of themselves but doesn’t have knock out looks or even a knock out body I think that they can be attractive. If a person is neat, clean and dresses well has an intelligent mind, is a great conversationalist and humorous then I could be attracted to that. HG for me checks the boxes, by what I’ve read and through consultation, of intelligence, humor, conversationalist, cleanliness and adventurous. If he revealed tomorrow he was a gap toothed, hairless, sunken chested guy with a limp, but had everything else, I would befriend him still and maybe one drunken night I’d fuck him. Maybe I would be surprised what he does with those gapped teeth or used that bald head like a giant dick, or I could sit my ass perfectly in the sunken chest and he got that limp from freaky circus sex move that only he could master. Imagination of what he is really like is part of the draw. I hope I don’t die before he reveals his true self. I really would like to see him. Only because I want to know if he is as gorgeous as me (narc trait is in the high area today) Think I’ll listen to X Ambassadors “gorgeous” in our honor.

      1. wow! is all I can say. Remember he might have to get drunk too. I do not know as I have never had the pleasure to see what you look like.
        You are bigger person than I. I can not have sex with a sunken chested man. LOL

      2. I could not either Ah-Oh.
        I’m just wondering if HG fibbed about his eye color and hair color to keep us thrown off. Obviously he’s changed the names of the doctors, his family members, etc., for safety of privacy. It could be the opposite that he has brown eyes and black hair. I don’t know. I’ll love to find out someday. lol

      3. MLA hello, Sometimes the fantasy is best to keep it that…..a fantasy.
        It matters not for us to know his physical appearance. What does matter is that we listen to him. We pay heed to his work and applaud him for in his own journey of doing what he needs to do for himself, we have benefitted more than he ever thought. It is a beautiful union of people from all walks of life benefitting from his work. He has taken something so dark, although not deliberate, and gave light to those who thought there was none.
        I am not trying to sound so mushy or as if I am kissing his ass, trust me I am not, but there is something very poetic in all of this.
        I hate to like him, I like to hate him.

      4. Hi Ah-Oh!
        Fantasy isn’t on the table for me in this thread. I’m a data driven person. I want facts. Facts are what I work with. That’s why HG always calls me a Truth Seeker, probably to my own detriment at times. lol
        If HG can’t be honest about something as simple being blue eyed and blonde which in no way can lead anyone to trace his real identity, then I would find that disappointing, from the honesty angle, not the angle of being aesthetically pleasing to the eye. This in no way is impugning his work or the benefit that thousands of people have gained reading his material.

      5. ABB…I can tell…you’ve put a lot of thought into some what-if scenarios with HG on a drunken night. lolll Those were some well detailed thoughts there. Not much left to the imagination. At all.

      6. Haha. You know I got jokes. I could get really detailed and tell you that each one of those “ugly guy ” traits I mentioned came from men I met through work. Each one told me how that trait was useful in the bedroom. This is after I told each one of them that they were some ugly Mofo’s. The bald guy I worked with for years. One night at the bar after work I asked him why all the girls want to touch his bald head? He replied because it’s like a giant dickhead and that’s what they really want. I said, your one sad mofo, having to use your big head cuz your little one can’t get the job done. He said you use what ya got ABB. Now come rub bald daddy’s head and see what it’s all about. Uh, No thanks. Good times, good times.

      7. ABB….

        I’m speechless. I actually have…NO WORDS lol.

      8. What? All ABB really said was: if it turns out he is not as advertised she would still interact with him on a non-intimate level that might have him grow on her over time and allow for an exploratory drunken entanglement. No mercy fucks out there? entanglements you wouldnt necessarily advertise? I think youre lyyyyying……. I dont make a habit of it, but I have thought on occasion about someone: he could do with having his world rocked. The less fortunate deserve to feel special too. Wheres all that empathy you all spout on about? LOL

      9. ABB,

        Hey come on now – you could always have a threesome with your husband and technically it’s not cheating right? Lol

      10. The paper bag that the many bottles of wine came in comes to mind in this visual. You are one crazy bitch! πŸ˜‰

      11. NarcAngel,

        No pity fucks. I guess there isn’t any empathy left in me – you might as call me psychopathic lol….😜

      12. Nothing wrong with being confident! I do wonder what you look like. It’s funny…I find myself developing these mental images of people on the blog.

      13. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚, HG hopes you aren’t overweight with health issues. So, please don’t sit on his perceive sunken chest lol, if his descriptive of a drink is top top shelf. With respect I think his standards are higher than we expect. HG, speak. 😊 please keep up maintenance, Mani and pedis, facials, and basic hygiene. Clean your home and eliminate some of those cats. New energy.

      14. Love,

        I love you to silly!! lol!!

        I knew you would appreciate that one….

        Hugs!

    7. Mr. Tudor is the most handsome man in the world. How do I know?
      Any man that has the power to fuck with my mind so thoroughly and completely is a God.
      None of my ex narcs, no matter how somatic could reach that level with me.
      How many men do you know that can make you orgasm or shatter into pieces with just a thought?

      1. So you are saying HG gives you earth shattering……….well you know. Is this a service he offers? I am not getting my monies worth then. I have not experienced this shattering but more of one of clarity. I still feel I am getting the short end of the consult.

      2. This is true. I feel the sexual orgasm in my loins, but it took my brain to get me there.

      3. Love, what no details?? You are just going to leave us hanging?? πŸ˜‚

      4. OMG! Love, you’re killin’ me here! Since you took it this far, I’m dying to know…were you shattered in pieces from the blog or private consult? Lol😘

      5. Love,

        Me…being the elite greater narcissist I am πŸ˜‰ ….I have to top Ah Oh’s song and go even further lmao πŸ˜›

        This ones just for you Love ….

    1. If these women are intelligent they will set a date in their head – not tell him – and if he doesn’t perform by that date …say fuck it.

  16. Incredible how long she endures this ….. She never mentioned leaving you? And the others? No prospects becoming too impatient?

      1. HG:
        And you still don’t feel any connection, bonding, attachment, … to her at all??

        Did you become a tiny bit nicer to her, and/or do you feel that your relationship has become a little bit more real because of the blog and us?

  17. Mona

    True. They have their formula but do not always get it right. The difference lies in how long someone stays after they get real with themselves and recognizes that this treatment is not healthy or acceptable.That speaks not to the power of the Narc, but to the issues of the victim. If you stay, its because you either think you deserve it, or you have an addiction in needing to fix it. Normals will identify that the planet is filled with other people who will not treat you this way, recognize there is no need to stay, and move on.

    1. Mona/ narcangel…i agree anyone can be outsmarted by a narcissist but what id meant by codependant is the point where they know their boundaries are being stomped on and they stay and endure it. A person with a healthy self awareness and respect would walk away sooner than later. Ive read many stories where victims have said they were from perfect happy families completely independant and had no real issues of their own yet stayed years in an abusive situation it makes me question if theyre being honest with themselves.

      1. Narc affair, I believe you are right. They have not been honest with themselves or did not know better. Without the narc I would have had never discovered that my mother is an engulfing narcissistic mother. The behaviour of my mother was so subtle, that I could not recognise it as narcissistic, although some of her answers and character traits always seemed to be a little bit strange for me. A long time I really believed, that I lived in a quite normal ,average happy family. I thought I had the best mother I could have…. and all other people told me so. Now I am aware of her behaviour, now I see the lack of real emathy, now I see, how she neglects all boundaries…And now I am able to describe the manipulative,contradictory and self-centered behaviour of my mother. In the past I was not able to do that in a way that people could understand me! Sooner or later people discover, that their family life was not so happy as it seemed. I believe that people – in most cases- know parts of narcissistic behaviour from earlier times.

      2. Narc affair,
        I agree with you and I would like to add that those who get ensnared by a narcissist and believe they are in an intimate *relationship* with them are not only co-dependents but also people coming from unhealthy families, who do not know the difference between a controlling and a functional family. There is no such a thing as a perfect happy family and if someone says so, then they are in denial or unaware where they come from. This goes back to previous generations and it is also due to cultural influences as our society becomes more and more narcissistic. Most families are dysfunctional in one way or another and people with a healthy self-esteem and good boundaries will feel uncomfortable in the company of narcissists and if they get ensnared, they will leave as soon as they can.

    2. NarcAngel, I agree with you. In my case I was told and I am told that this kind of behaviour (up to a certain level) is quite normal. Therefore I thought a long time, I “deserved” it. My mother still finds excuses for him and believes!!!! that would comfort me. Today she said to me, he did like you in his way. Whatever that should mean. I said: “Sorry, but a man who cheated on me, insulted me, took my money, abused me and was nasty, such a man liked me ?” Then she was confused.

    3. NarcAngel
      Where are all these other, nice people that the normals can see? How do I miss them? Is my vision somehow selective? Maybe I’m lacking some trait like my little grandson who’s colorblind? He only sees blues and yellows. Maybe for me the narcs are bright yellow and the empaths are beautiful hues of blue, but everyone else is just shades of grey and I don’t notice them? Seriously i don’t notice that many normals. I’m feeling defective. πŸ™

      1. Windstorm 2

        Haha. Well first you have to leave the Narc forest youre living in..………
        Hey, im the one that arrived on this blog declaring that normals and love were unicorns, but people here insist they exist and in searching for them got caught up with Narcs. If there arent any normals, Narcs would be the normals and no one would be on this blog.

        You know that guy that came to your daughters and rearranged your furniture? Not him lol.
        I wouldnt say my situation is normal but I sure as hell don’t live with a narc. I heard that! And no Im not. HG told me so in an all serious, professional and most helpful consultation. As Sheldon (Big Bang) would say: Im not crazy. My mother had me tested.

        It would take some convincing to prove to me that normals are not boring, but people still hold out hope that they can find someone to hold hands with and who wont use mind-fuckery on them so they can die anaesthetized together. I think its the most we can hope for. So you see my dilemma? Sigh.

      2. NarcAngel
        Wait! There’s a way out of the Narc Forest? Are you sure? I thought it was endless?

        Thank you for your reply! It brightened my breakfast! (hurried down in the kitchen before those creepy normals get up!). Sometimes I wish you were someone I knew around home I could be friends with – then I realize I’d probably get on your nerves too bad with my perky craziness and you’d just avoid me. [sigh]. I think I’m one of those fools people don’t want to suffer gladly.

        Yeah, your last paragraph- if that’s the best we can hope for, that’s just mighty sad. I veto that choice for myself. Like you, I won’t live with any narcs again (It’d end up murder/suicide), but I don’t want to live with any normals either. They just act wrong to me. And living with any of the empaths I know is out, too. They’re always bringing home narcs like lost kittens.

        I’m taking my dogs and blazing my own trail thru the Endless Narc Forest (I know you were just trying to fool me) and search for my inner peace. – Just typing that makes me smile! Nothing used to irritate my mother more than me saying I was searching for my inner peace! What a perfect revenge against her if I find it! 😝

        (Sorry for all the !’s. I just can’t help it! Will power never was my strong point.)

      3. Windstorm

        We both seemed to have worked out something we can live with. You are able to interact with your Narc and take the good bits and leave the rest, and I live with someone who is highly narcissistic but not a Narc. Its not the mythical love affair most seek for either of us, but its been a good life partnership so far. Seems neither you or I can do normals-I always have to poke the bear to get my little shot of chaos and to know theres some blood pumping in them lol. Not sure thats your style. You learned how to deal with them at the source (where better) and yet not let them take away your core goodness. I’d call that success, and maybe that is a sort of inner peace. Im sure we’d get along fine. Good conversation, and when it waned I’d poke you and youd throw out all of those exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!

        Enjoy the rest of your visit in Kansas (with the room arranged the way you like it).

        NA

      4. NarcAngel

        Yeah it sounds like we both have found something that works, and as my favorite saying goes – if it works, don’t fix it.

        Which part of Canada is yours, if you don’t mind saying? I’ve been up there several times, driven the TransCanada highway all the way across, stayed in Montreal, camped out in Banff and spent a month in Nova Scotia.

        Used to we had to teach about the tides in my science class and I spent a month on the Bay of Fundy to try to understand them better myself. Those who’ve lived near an ocean might not understand my problem, but it’s nearly impossible to teach the mechanics of tides to children who have never seen an ocean!

        Thank you for your good wishes! Hopefully all will go well. My daughter’s one of those super empaths, and she’s got her share of narc tendencies. Way too many for me at times, and she can be like a badger. So far she’s kept her claws sheathed. 🀞

        I am enjoying having my room back like I like it! It is a mixed blessing, though, that my ex-husband housesits for me while I’m out here. It’s nice to have someone get the mail, take care of the dogs/cat and make the house look lived in to discourage thieves (I live where we all are responsible for protecting what we have – no law enforcement).

        The problem is that he makes it look a little too lived in! Imagine having a thoughtless narc in and out of your house for a month or more with you not there. It always amazes me when I get home at the sort of mess I will find. One time he dropped a whole pizza upside down in the oven and left it there for 6 weeks! The smell and amount of mold spores in the air was amazing!

        It’s always some sort of horrible surprise. And of course, from his point of view, it means I should be extra grateful he had continued to stay up there in all that mess!! 😝.
        But as his favorite saying goes – it is what it is.

        Hope you’re having a good week! It’s always nice to hear from you.

      5. Windstorm

        I am in Ontario. I coukd have saved you a lot of time on those tide lessons. It goes like this:

        They come in.
        They go out.

        Recess!

      6. 😝😝😝. Unfortunately the State of Kentucky had more detailed requirements! Not long after I got home with all my new-found tide knowledge, they took that objective completely out of the curriculum. But that’s life. I just filed it away with the tons of other seemingly useless knowledge I have accumulated.

      7. Haha, Windstorm, great comment! πŸ™‚
        “they bring narcs home like stray kittens” … ;D

        I’m having the same trilemma. Neither the one nor the other, nor the third option …

        Hm … maybe that was the true reason why my mother forbid me to do Yoga when I was 15 … she claimed that it was for religious reasons …

      8. Ava101
        Thanks!
        Given what we’ve learned from HG, I imagine there are several reasons Mama hated my inner peace. She didn’t have any herself, so didn’t want anyone else to have any either and she didn’t understand it. Im sure she felt it as criticism. My mother didn’t like me studying anything from another religion, either. I’m sure she would have had caustic remarks about Yoga, too!

      9. Windstorm, my exnarc was exactly like that. I was meditating, and he would come in, slump down on the middle of the sofa and turn on YouTube videos, loudly. Or he would put me down with really horrible remarks, or he would say how superior his ex was spiritually, or he would just ignore me making a huuuge fuss about how he had urgent phone calls to make now. He wanted a Yoga lesson once, and, believe it or not (you will, I know), he decided he wanted it in the woods, naked (he was naked, I wasn’t of course).

        My mother always kept telling me how everything was so un-christian what I did, – listening to rock music, watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show (forbidden, too), wearing fancy underwear haha, and so on.

      10. Ava101

        Now why couldnt a tick latch on to his dick while he was doing yoga in the woods instead of some random hiker? They must know their own.

      11. Ha,ha,ha!!! NarcAngel!
        That’s happened to mine. I know because I had to remove it! You never saw a man act so like a giant baby!! πŸ˜‚

      12. You made me laugh, Ava! One of the things mine was fussing about here at our daughters was he could not walk around the house naked!

        Yes! I know just what you mean! Mine has always just walked in any room and taken it over with never a thought to anyone else! And not even just at our house! Any house he goes in he will just pick up the remote and start flicking channels, even if someone was already watching something! He just makes a joke about it and takes over. Almost no one ever says anything. He does it in such a superior, confident way. He acts like he doesn’t even notice the other people, but I think he enjoys it more if people get a little irritated. More fuel.

      13. Hahaha, NarcAngel, I could kiss you for this comment!!
        πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰

        Unfortunately he neither touched nettles nor poison ivy and no ticks or insect bites. πŸ˜‰

      14. NarcAngel: in my language, we actually do use the word “tick” and a verb from that, for human parasites. πŸ˜‰ Like – he “ticked himself into my apartment”, for example.

      15. There is a whole lot of crazy and a whole lot of boring out there. Nothing seems to get my attention and/or sustain it. I get bored easily.

  18. Yes and no, narc affair. I think that people who are independant and have self respect and self love are manipulated too by a narcissist. They only would recognise his false facade earlier and leave him or lose interest in him. So the damage he causes is less. My narc scanned his environment. When people (especially women ) looked at him with scepticism, he pretended that these people are boring, not attractive enough for him or something else. Then he backtracked himself very fast. Even narcs do not really know what kind of person is sitting in front of them. They use the method of trial and error too and they observe the reactions of their potential victims very precisely. . They test and test and test how far they can go. It is our task to learn to say “Good bye” earlier. They only have power when we give them the power.

  19. What doesn’t kill us, that makes us stronger.

    Hell (not in religious sense of the word) is a moment of Truth. Initiation. Definition. Cognition. Evaluation.

    No matter what and who pushes you to the Hell (yourself, another person or life circumstances), the end result is identical in all cases – you learn.

    I learned who and what I am.

    Thank you.

  20. We don’t expect nothing in return when we invest in deadstock. Our souls know theres no value on being with your kind, love doesn’t come that easy.

    The hell you speak of is not our first visit, when you find us most have just been pick up from hell..

    So we thank your type for awareness not only of you …but of self. Self awareness, healthy boundaries, acceptance, self respect, and all the great rewards we were missing before our entanglement wity you. And for that we Thank you..

    All our prior life experiences lead us here and we all we be better for it. So Thank You,,Thank you that we didn’t give up like millions before us. Thank you that we may save millions more. Thank You….

  21. Omg isnt this the truth!! Its bc were codependant. People that are independant and have self respect and self love would never endure the hell a narcissist would put them thru. Theyd probably not even be a candidate in the first place.

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