The Portentous Remarks of the Narcissist

 

the-portentous

 

It is well known that our kind operate by the wearing of masks. We have learned how to portray those emotions which we do not feel. We have ascertained that in certain situations we are expected to respond in a particular way. We know that by donning a particular mask we are more likely to charm and seduce you. We are aware that maintaining a certain mask the vicious malevolence that lurks beneath can be kept in check so that we achieve acceptability and the advancement of our agendas. There are occasions when we will give you a glimpse of what lies beneath this mask. I am not referring to when we whip the mask off and subject you to devaluation. That is a purposeful and intended act on our part. I am not making reference to when the mask fractures as a consequence of the ignition of our fury and the lesser and mid-range of our kind are unable to keep the mask in place so that the ignited fury erupts and the malicious beast is unleashed. There are occasions however when we provide you with a fleeting glance beneath the mask as to what lies beneath. This will happen during the seduction period. Sometimes it is as a consequence of the effect of a particular agent, such as alcohol. Sometimes, especially with the greater of our kind, it is done as deliberate act in order to gauge your reaction. In such an instance, we tell you of what lies ahead to see if you baulk at the suggestion, or that more likely you respond in a sympathetic manner or even by way of denial.

“I couldn’t ever imagine you doing that.”

“That won’t happen with me though. It might have with other people but I will treat you better than they have.”

“You’re not like that, don’t be silly.”

“I don’t see you doing something like that, you are too nice.”

If you respond in such terms when you have been given such a warning, then this is a green light to us that we have you under our control and that you will accord with our desires and machinations. It also allows us, when we do eventually behave in the manner described down the line during the devaluation, to throw it back in your face by saying.

“I did warn you.”

“Why are you complaining? I was upfront that this would happen.”

“I told you so.”

“It’s no use crying about it now. I told you what I was like.”

“I told you and you chose to stay with me. It is your fault.”

Not only does this enable us to avoid blame, something we must achieve, it will also result in you reacting and providing us with fuel.

With the lesser or mid-range of our kind, these comments are more akin to thinking aloud. The mask does slip, unintentionally for a moment, through the explanation of a future behaviour before it is realised what has been said and the disclosure is brushed to one side, denied or passed off as a silly comment owing to drink or being tired. Why do these comments arise in such a manner from the lesser and mid-range of our kind? Is it guilt or remorse? No, because those emotions are not felt by our kind. It arises from a lack of control. The “bad” behaviour that will arise at some point is lurking beneath the surface and like a cat fighting to get out of a sack, it is always wanting to make an appearance but is prevented from doing so by the maintenance of the mask that is worn. Occasionally, through the loss of control – it may be drink, it may be fatigue, it may be through inattention – what lurks beneath makes a brief and fleeting appearance before the control is exerted once again. Here are fifteen portentous show and tells of our kind. Should you ever hear these comments you ought to pay heed to the warning that you are being given.

  1. I am a bad person really.
  2. I will only hurt you.
  3. You should stay away from me.
  4. I do bad things. I cannot help it. I always do.
  5. I will make you wish you had never met me.
  6. It will go wrong, it always does.
  7. You will end up hating me.
  8. You don’t know what you are getting into with me.
  9. You shouldn’t do this.
  10. You should leave while you can.
  11. This is going to turn out badly.
  12. I have to hurt people.
  13. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.
  14. I just want to fit in.
  15. I’m not what you think I am.
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31 thoughts on “The Portentous Remarks of the Narcissist”

  1. Wow I feel dumb… 8 of those are too familiar, but admittedly played really nicely into his poor traumatised by psycho ex gf/obsession storyline (at this point I question if they were even technically a thing, as in a mutually known about thing, since he’s such a deceptive in his own head double/triple but always ulterior meaning type of guy which he of course denies unless telling someone else for the praise of being so mysteriously clever and crafty after all). He seemed sooooo pathetic I recall having laughed at the idea of any of these statements more than once, especially when I thought the context was in relation to one person (see above) not everyone and in comparison to his puppy-like shadowing (hindsight: mirroring) and clingy admiration towards me (hindsight: idealisation, claiming and chaining of me). Poor overdramatic negative puppy dog, just needed some time outside to play and would come around! Not quite…
    When they treat everyone so nicely, over the top nicely that it’s almost awkward at times, statements like “I’m a bad person/evil/I hurt everyone but I really don’t mean to” just seem so odd and out of place. I actually told him to stop trying so hard and just be himself!

  2. The only ones he ever said were ‘I can’t give you what you want’, ‘you deserve better’.

    Wanted to maintain that veneer that he cared, but really just didn’t want to lose the supply which might have happened had he said anything more revealing about his true nature.

  3. One more thing. I never saw him intoxicated. He is an Apria driver and said if he were pulled over he would lose his job so I know he knew what he was saying and doing. Very deliberate.

  4. “Sometimes, especially with the greater of our kind, it is done as deliberate act in order to gauge your reaction” Several times he said things to gauge my reaction. In the golden period he told me a story about this woman who had an affair with his friend who was married. They were together a very long time and then all of a sudden, she left him! I told him I would NEVER do such a thing. I couldn’t even imagine doing such a thing. Another story he told me was that he went to see an old girlfriend that lived in England that he hadn’t seen in 10 years. Her father answered the door and when he asked to see her the father told him “I think you have done enough damage”. I brought that up to him several times saying “the father was right. . . you do much damage”.

  5. “I can turn my feelings off like a switch”
    “I can be a bit of a Narcissist but not like my son. He is worse”
    “I have a terrible temper. I have choked someone out”
    “My ex said I never let her finish a sentence”
    “I (was) a predator”
    ” I once dumped a girl for gaining weight”
    And I stuck around…

  6. Every time I walked away, he’d text me “you’re better off without me anyway” which triggered me sympathy response. Played like a deck of cards, I was! There were enough rewards to keep me coming back until the negatives outweighed the positives.

  7. Isit possible to be a narcissist but be completely in denial about it. I said these kinds of sentences to my past boyfriend. Am I a lesser without realising? Even After researching Narcs How do i know if i myself am one ?

    1. Yes it is possible. You are not going to be one if you are asking yourself whether you are one.

  8. “This is going to end anyway”

    “I’m a cancer to everyone I meet”

    “Don’t trust me”

    “I used to be a pathological liar”

    1. “Used to be a pathological liar”???

      USED TO. Really? What he left out was “And always will be”

      1. Mary,

        When I asked him why? He told me he essentially did it to make himself look better.

        Honestly, what a weird thing to say. He loved to volunteer lies to me throughout the course of a week.

        It was a fun game we would play: what random lies will —- tell this week? Now of course he lied daily but there was always a real weird

      2. Weird one (sorry message got cut off).

        I think he would volunteer bullshit so that he attempt to convince himself that what he was saying was in fact true.

        I could usually tell what was being lied about by the random lies he would volunteer.

  9. Yep, Heard a lot of these.

    I’ll destroy you like I destroyed her (his ex wife)
    You should leave me
    I’m sick

    These were all after I found the first communications with his next IPPS. I wonder at times if he realized who he was for a moment and what he was doing. I know he didn’t feel bad because he can’t. But, do you think a midranger has moments of clarity about their sick cycles even though they have no plans to stop?

    1. No, the supposed moment of clarity is just part of the manipulation. The victim thinks the narcissist has gained some awareness, but the Mid Ranger merely comments about ‘how he is different’ or ‘has demons’ but it remains part of the manipulation.

      1. Do you mind explaining how owning what he has done is not clarity, rather manipulation? I thought they had moments where they could see the damage they do, they just can’t care (other than how it will affect them).
        For instance, I mentioned how my cousin had told her husband “I’d like to sleep with other people” the narc said “she’s already sleeping with other people. She’s telling a half truth. Trust me, I know. I did that during my affairs. It helps make you feel like you’re telling the truth but it’s only a part.”
        He can reflect on his affairs and own a lot of what he did in his marriage to destroy it. I thought maybe he honestly believed he wouldn’t act that way again and when he saw himself doing to me what he did to her, he flipped for a second. Of course the next day he was back to flirting with her I’m sure. Because he just can’t stop the madness… I think he’d swallow a pill and be normal if he could. His narcissism has destroyed him. Unlike you treaters who love being what you are 😉

      2. Hello Ajo,I did not state how owning what he has done is not clarity. With the Mid-Ranger, some have the capacity to recognise that their actions hurt other people, are regarded as wrong and not liked but they see no reason to make any (permanent) adjustment because they do NOT own the consequence. For instance, a narcissist will say
        “I know you get upset when I disappear for a week BUT if you stopped getting in my face, I wouldn’t need a time out.”
        Thus he knows the silent treatments upset this person but he sees nothing wrong with doing it, because it is the victim’s fault.

      3. I watched Married at First Sight Australia today, and I am totally sure that one of the men is a narc, he said exactly that – “I had to disappear because you wanted me to have uncomfortable talks”. He ridiculed and belittled whatever the woman said, starting to laugh after she just started a sentence. Then turning everything around, accusing her of what he had done. He said that she had wanted sex but that that would be no reason to have any.
        She was a normal, dominant woman and did not put up with that at all, ended the marriage before the end of the show.

        And what did the socalled relationship psychologist say? That she could have made a bigger effort and could have listened to him more!!

      4. Well spotted Ava101, I agree with your assessment and the response of the psychologist is not a surprise either.

      5. I wonder if the whole world is actually populated mostly with narcissists as whole countries are very narcissistic naturally just within the culture of their societies . It could be that the Normals and Empath types are in the minorities YIKEs 🤔

      6. So it seems… Scary world . if it weren’t for my daughter, I would not want to be here.😞

      7. Thank you. *blushing*
        It is very interesting for me to watch those couples and reactions of the partners …

        But really outrageous those experts who don’t see emotional abuse and gas lighting right in front of their eyes. And they were supposed to have screened the candidates thoroughly. In the US version I just spotted one narc, who might also just have been a real chauvinist.

        (There was a narc in America’s Next Top Model, too, who put a girl down whom he had flirted with, but there it doesn’t surprise me …)

  10. “I always ruin anything good that happens to me.”

    “I push people away”

    love me anyway. prove me wrong. you can’t, but it will be fun to watch.

  11. HG, I know. There were other red flags in his case (which you mentioned before) . Every narcissist is a little bit different. In any case I thank you very much for your hint and appreciate that.

  12. “Should I leave you be? It wouldn’t be fair to use my experience to manipulate your feelings?”

    “I started my affair by chatting with my coworker online before I kissed her. Because I had years of experience learning how to talk to women, it worked.”

    When I started to have feelings for another guy I was chatting with (he had told me to sext others)… “I thought you had learned. Not to hope. But you still sound like you want to believe. Don’t ever hope with the guy who talks about meeting right away.” (When he’s the guy who did that very thing!)

    Were these tells?

    And “I want you to have fun with these guys, but I don’t want you hurt.” He sounded protective. Would he have said that shit just to SOUND protective, just to get my trust?

  13. “I am not trivializing your feelings or implying that they are not real but I do not think you don’t know me well enough to tell me that you love me.”
    “I am a recovering scum bag and I have been for far too long”
    “You are way too good to me and I do not deserve you”

    Mid Range Cerebral. Mr. Piano recital during church.

  14. It will go wrong it always does ! This was said from the start . He would say you will leave me or he would say , I’m in a relationship I can’t get out of without getting hurt . I would say , why are you always thinking about us breaking up why so negative about everything . Then he’d say If something bad happens you’ll leave me this is why I don’t like relationships .

    While all the time he was creating non existent problems and creating problems so it could never work.

    I did leave him so he got his wish

  15. I did not hear any of these sentences except: “I am not what you think I am.” I thought he was a blender and a womanizer and a little impostor, until he persuaded me after months of manipulating monologues. He babbled me into a relationship. Trapped. He was what I thought he is and much more.

    1. Not every one of our kind will display these portentous remarks Mona, so do keep that in mind.

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