Then I changed my behaviour towards men completely and it was wrong again. I never found the right balance. The difference between me and my narc: The motives were different. I behaved like that in the past because of fear, he behaved like that because of malice. And I thought it would be fear and I could give him the needed safety (which I needed so much in past). But he was not on the edge, he is a full blown narcissist, not able and not willing to take a painful look insight. I misinterpreted his behaviour. And just this morning, I thought that you would react like that because of fear and fell into my own trap again. But you are completely different. I forgot that.
I will tell you one secret. I have been on the same way and I know that I stabbed two men very hard. Long time ago and I know how hard I was. They still think I am a female devil and never talked to me again. A long time I did not even understand that. I am not like you, but it may seem to these men, that I am completely cold and heartless. One man shivered afterwards. The other bad behaviours you developed I never did. I was a little bit more aware of my behaviour and I tried to apologise, but they rejected my apology. It was healthy by them.
Please do not misunderstand my comments. I do not know better, what you feel or experience. That would be encroaching. It is only a suggestion, what it could be. The decision whether there is some truth in my words or not for you, is your own task to decide.
And I make the link between: “Love is a taught construct” and this one. So you show love or experience – the taught – love , when you stab. When you feel some kind of connection between you and the other one , then the stabbing starts. This is the only way how attachment functions.
That is right. You stab the empath and wound your self again and again and again. I just read it another way.
You stay the slave of your own construct. And this construct hurts you again and again. No exit…
.
..
i think that the ’empaths’ which is code for sentimental person with good social values who is also lonely and/or abit naive, aka the narc’s ideal self-sacrificing mother type – do get addicted to the intense effect of such assimilative projection. it not only mimicks intimacy but is its own kind of intimacy (it pushes you into a negative-self state where you are forced to become introspective) and perhaps even more intense than regular romantic intimacy which either wears off after the initial hormonal rush stage or deepens into a bond. conflict is super intense. abused partners do know they are stressed and unhappy and have entered into a power relationship. they just lack the knowledge and awareness to really describe it, to themselves.
when it becomes an addiction, these feelings of needing to please someone who puts them under extreme stress, becomes also, erotic. i’m not sure what that signifies, it’s part of a defense mechanism to make the unbearable bearable by giving us pleasure endorphins, but that’s also why cults are such a thing. people can’t feel excited enough by the adventure of leading their own lives and having their own passions and desires, they want to be lead, and like the X-files, they want to believe. maybe because there is no end to desire and no final answers.
it’s more interesting though, than staying with the same emotional cycle on repeat. in the end they’re also just projecting their desires onto ‘you’ or someone else. like the doctor said, projection needs a hook to establish itself. the victim relationship is a powerful one because projection becomes a 2-way stream.
Truth. You don’t take accountability for your actions. No harm no foul in your mind when you lock the front door and turn the lights out bc I forgot my key and asked that you please leave the front door open Oh, I could have traversed the back door which was unlocked but the path was unlit and riddled with a gigantic hole. Yeah that taught me well (only to escape). Add other things on to that
When I tell you that the breakfast you prepared was delicious and you insisted that I tell you what could be done better after telling you it was delicious…you called me a liar and said that I hurt you.
You means him of course. You and I have never and will never meet.
Then I changed my behaviour towards men completely and it was wrong again. I never found the right balance. The difference between me and my narc: The motives were different. I behaved like that in the past because of fear, he behaved like that because of malice. And I thought it would be fear and I could give him the needed safety (which I needed so much in past). But he was not on the edge, he is a full blown narcissist, not able and not willing to take a painful look insight. I misinterpreted his behaviour. And just this morning, I thought that you would react like that because of fear and fell into my own trap again. But you are completely different. I forgot that.
I will tell you one secret. I have been on the same way and I know that I stabbed two men very hard. Long time ago and I know how hard I was. They still think I am a female devil and never talked to me again. A long time I did not even understand that. I am not like you, but it may seem to these men, that I am completely cold and heartless. One man shivered afterwards. The other bad behaviours you developed I never did. I was a little bit more aware of my behaviour and I tried to apologise, but they rejected my apology. It was healthy by them.
Please do not misunderstand my comments. I do not know better, what you feel or experience. That would be encroaching. It is only a suggestion, what it could be. The decision whether there is some truth in my words or not for you, is your own task to decide.
And I make the link between: “Love is a taught construct” and this one. So you show love or experience – the taught – love , when you stab. When you feel some kind of connection between you and the other one , then the stabbing starts. This is the only way how attachment functions.
That is right. You stab the empath and wound your self again and again and again. I just read it another way.
You stay the slave of your own construct. And this construct hurts you again and again. No exit…
.
..
i think that the ’empaths’ which is code for sentimental person with good social values who is also lonely and/or abit naive, aka the narc’s ideal self-sacrificing mother type – do get addicted to the intense effect of such assimilative projection. it not only mimicks intimacy but is its own kind of intimacy (it pushes you into a negative-self state where you are forced to become introspective) and perhaps even more intense than regular romantic intimacy which either wears off after the initial hormonal rush stage or deepens into a bond. conflict is super intense. abused partners do know they are stressed and unhappy and have entered into a power relationship. they just lack the knowledge and awareness to really describe it, to themselves.
when it becomes an addiction, these feelings of needing to please someone who puts them under extreme stress, becomes also, erotic. i’m not sure what that signifies, it’s part of a defense mechanism to make the unbearable bearable by giving us pleasure endorphins, but that’s also why cults are such a thing. people can’t feel excited enough by the adventure of leading their own lives and having their own passions and desires, they want to be lead, and like the X-files, they want to believe. maybe because there is no end to desire and no final answers.
it’s more interesting though, than staying with the same emotional cycle on repeat. in the end they’re also just projecting their desires onto ‘you’ or someone else. like the doctor said, projection needs a hook to establish itself. the victim relationship is a powerful one because projection becomes a 2-way stream.
i’m just guessing.
You are wounded and thats why you keep stabbing.
Truth. You don’t take accountability for your actions. No harm no foul in your mind when you lock the front door and turn the lights out bc I forgot my key and asked that you please leave the front door open Oh, I could have traversed the back door which was unlocked but the path was unlit and riddled with a gigantic hole. Yeah that taught me well (only to escape). Add other things on to that
When I tell you that the breakfast you prepared was delicious and you insisted that I tell you what could be done better after telling you it was delicious…you called me a liar and said that I hurt you.
You means him of course. You and I have never and will never meet.